Thank you all the guest reviews. some of you are really nice and I really wanted to say that it means a lot. don't thank me to write, I thank YOU to read. OOH, and I love to know which lines you liked.. :)

Teddie, thank you very much for the nice encouraging words, but even for an svu episode they wouldn't want my life story, they'd probably think it's too much ya know?! So.. I just chose to deal with it alone and yeah, it may sound sad, but it really isn't. I'm fine. I wish you love and serenity. And yeah, I'll definitely write about what happened in Atlanta. Maybe next chapter..

Luv svu: I sometimes do not want Amanda to heal as well, because it means imagining the things I wish I had but it's part of the "being my own Liv" so …. hmmm.. it's ok!

Yeah, there were crumbles of my own story in last chapt but.. every chapter has so.. it's not as if someone could read through it.

Big heart means Big delusions but il also mean Big possibilities so I feel blessed whatever happened and whatever will happen. i hope you feel the same way and that you're as fine as you say you are because, you know, I do care. and btw.. I talk a lot with my inner child... don't laugh! :)

xxxblessxxx

3 AM.

"Oh, uhm.. Sorry.. did I wake you up?" Amanda was curled on the sofa, watching sport channel. Sleep wasn't really her friend anymore.

Fin filled a glass with water and gulped it instantly. "It's all good, wanna a beer?" The contrast with the joke and his serious expression intrigued the puzzled blonde. She jeered at him while her eyes pointed at the screen.

He gently pushed Amanda's feet to get a free spot on the sofa. "Wanna talk?" he added more seriously.

"There isn't much to say. I'm tired of self-pity ya know?" Her problems were nothing in confront of the world's misery.

"You wanna be humble? Stop spitting on what life offers you"

The blonde always appreciated Fin's honesty, but sometimes, it was hard to associate the right meaning attached to his comments. He usually was a man of few words but Amanda still glanced as if she was chagrined.

"Humans are weird. They pile up problems like treasures and reject help like hell" Fin added to alleviate her conscience. "The world is still spinning even if you stop for a second.… take you time Manda."

The last hour she spent watching a baseball game didn't tranquilize her enough to sleep, and now Fin was there, with wise theories about life and stuff. Time to what? She sighed as she let her head crash on the cushion behind her.

"If you think your life is insignificant, you're right." Every life was dust compared to the majesty of universe. "But change scale: your single life can change hundreds of others. Just put yourself together first will ya?" Fin quietly said as he solidly grabbed her partner's shoulders.

Even though Fin would never tell how much he cared, she could sincerely feel it, that night, staring into his brown eyes. What changed? Maybe her own perspective. During the three years they had been partners, she'd seen him pissed off more than once. But now, he wasn't. Now, he was acting like a real friend. His frankness was the greatest gift he could offer, the result of the trust he still placed in her. Amanda nodded, grateful for his esteem.

Silence was the first thing Olivia noticed when she arrived at Fin's place, the next morning. "Amanda's sleeping?"

Fin shook her head "Nah, she needed to go home, take some clean clothes."

Her non-approval glance was almost famous in the precinct, so Fin surely detected it in an instant.

"And I know what you think, but Liv, we can't carry her all the way through. If we don't trust her, don't expect her to trust us" Fin was worried as well, the second Amanda asked to borrow the car he felt his heart forcing out of his chest but the blonde sounded like she needed him to accept.

"Yeah, I get that.. but not…. now… just … no!" Olivia didn't take the time to develop her answer. She and only her knew how it was like, to suddenly feel the degradation that a flash-back could bring. Amanda's place wasn't somewhere she should go alone. The brunette reached for her phone on the same time she entered inside her car.

Without too much thinking, the blonde found her way to her bedroom. Each deep breath she took chased away an obscene image of her recent assault. But there was nothing she could do to fight the voices in her head. "You're disgusting", she frenetically heard. Amanda was focusing on not letting her imagination supplant the reality but the more the seconds ticked away, the most her senses were playing her. She was now back in the corridor and all she needed to do was reach for the door and leave, but her feet took root on the floor. When the bag she was holding fell on the ground, she flinched. She grabbed her throat with both hands as she couldn't get rid of the obnoxious perfume that suddenly intoxicated the air. The aversion for the overpowering cologne prohibited her to breathe but at the same time it literally took her back in the past.

That's how Olivia found her, blankly staring at the square feet where she's been humiliated, subdued, oppressed.

"Sweetheart" Olivia tactfully announced her presence. The simple voice wasn't enough to catch the conflicted woman's attention so Olivia didn't hesitate to appear in her field of vision. "Honey, it's Olivia" She carefully claimed.

Once she was sure it was fine to make a physical contact, she grabbed the young woman by the waist. "Let's get out of here"

Even though Amanda nodded, she simply couldn't detach her eyes from the floor and her horrified expression didn't let much of a choice to the brunette.

"Come on!" Olivia insisted again, almost transporting the blonde outside of the apartment. Maybe Fin was right. They couldn't carry her all the way through, but they surely could catch her when it was needed.

"I almost did it" Amanda whispered, while Olivia was still holding her protectively.

"That's good Manda, that's very good"

Olivia inserted the key into the ignition but didn't start the engine. Amanda was hiding her face with her hands and even though she seemed calmer, she obviously needed a break. She was really grateful that Olivia came to meet her because the rushing thoughts that filled her head wouldn't have allowed her to drive back.

"I feel like I'm at a crossroad" The blonde finally confided, sighing. "One road is secure, but it'll lead me nowhere" It was the way she took her whole life, the circular one that sooner or later would bring her back to the starting point. Even though she finally realised it was a hopeless road, her instinct and pride was still tempted to take it.

"What about the other way?" Olivia gently asked.

"Hmm.. that one's scary" Amanda admitted in a snigger.

"Why is that?"

"It's a road with no return you know? I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel" In this path, courage was synonym of sincerity.

"But you know there is?" Olivia asked with surprise. The brunette might sound astonished but actually it was a lighthearted sensation. Catching sight of the light wasn't as important as being faithful about its presence. Amanda didn't realize it yet, but she found the certainty she was waiting for, the assurance that her happiness was possible. A few days ago it would have been unimaginable.

"Yeah, I'm just not sure how far I can go" Amanda's fears were understandable and Olivia didn't judge because she exactly knew how demanding the ascent was.

"You can go as far as you let go" The brunette's simple answer appeared to be a good conclusion since Amanda silently nodded but when Olivia buckled up her seat belt, Amanda closed her eyes.

"Liv.. I'm… scared" The shaky voice resounded with fragility. "You.. you can't hold my hands forever" It was said. As vulnerable and ridiculous as a she might appear, the blonde took the tremendous risk to admit a weakness.

Olivia tightly grabbed Amanda's hands. "Look at me" she kindly asked, aware that the words she'd use now would have a deep impact on the insecure woman who refused the eye contact. "You can't worry for a future situation because you have no idea of how amazingly you'll feel, when it's time. And until then, I'm not letting you go. I promise."

Olivia understood how brave she's been to transform her own abandonment issues into a helping hand. She became blessed the day she accepted everything she was, strengths and weaknesses. Amanda had the same inner capacity, she simply needed to find it.

"I got you" Olivia repeated, persuaded that simple words to hold on to were the only thing the blonde needed right now "I got you"