Eclipse
by DoraMouse
ooxoo
Authors Note: Ah, Esplandian. Thanks for joining me in the funhouse. That would be a wonderful thing to know how to say en Espanol. Ha! Perhaps I will have to learn that. Anyway, this word - 'crackpairing' - I had not heard it called that before but I would like to thank you for the enlightenment, it's a good word. Accurate description. And yet if anyone should happen to mock you or question you for this pursuit in your writing then please, on my behalf, just laugh in their general direction. The history, mythology and literature of our world - to say nothing of the broadcast industry - is brimming with such crackpairings. What is another story, in the grand scheme of things, that it should ruffle their proverbial feathers? People are so strange. Go ahead and ruffle them. That is the job of the artist, is it not? Someone has to ask the questions and provoke the learning. And now, it's my turn again...
ooxoo
Schemes: December 5th, 763 A.D.
How big is the ocean?
A person who has always lived in the middle of a continent pulls out a map of the world and can cover all the oceans with one hand, or maybe both hands. They do not think about the ocean much.
A person living on the coast looks out the window and sees the horizon. They think about the tide and the driftwood and the weather, they begin to have an idea.
A person in a boat looks down. The surface of the water is calm but under the surface... Is the shadow of a creature larger than the entire boat.
Gohan had never thought about the ocean much. He'd fought to save the planet and the planet was, as it turned out, mostly ocean. And he'd known that it was out here but... He hadn't really understood the scope of it, before seeing the whales. Even when seeing it... The experience was hard to describe. It was scary and kind of reassuring, all at once. The ocean looked so peaceful from far away. To think that something the size of a whale could be out there, minding its own business and unnoticed by humanity. Or maybe even a whole group of whales, passing through. Gohan knew about fish - he'd gone diving once or twice around Kame Island with Kuririn in the past - but... They'd never seen anything larger than a turtle or an octopus. Whales... People never saw these creatures all at once unless they were dead and had washed ashore. Wildlife rangers could identify the whales on sight and all that most trained wildlife rangers ever saw of them was a distant bump in the water, the knuckles of the back. Sometimes a flash of tail or a cloud of breath.
Humans would name these animals by just the marks on their backs and tails.
Gohan had to wonder, what kind of names would people give each other if they only ever saw the markings on their backs?
But that's how big the ocean was. It wasn't just the depth and width. It wasn't just the massive diversity of creatures or the long history of sunken ships. It was... The idea. The idea that so much was out there - and right there - that humanity had not yet even discovered, much less begun to fully understand. What did whales think about? Some of these creatures were larger than islands, they had brains bigger than people. And they had to be thinking something because the noises... The whales spoke to each other. There was a whale language, that's what it sounded like. Even the smaller creatures... The various fish and crabs and seals and dinosaurs and weird things... They all communicated, in their own ways. They had developed methods of surviving. Some of the fish were camouflaged and others could glow in the dark. Some creatures had grown shells and others were poisoness. Some had teeth and some had beaks. Some hunted alone and some moved in groups. There were birds that could fly underwater. There were relatives of insects and snails who could survive without sunlight or oxygen. There were starfish and creatures that could regenerate limbs. There were rocks that were, in fact, animals. There were creatures who experienced a lifecycle in a day and others who would outlive humans. There were creatures who might be able to remember what the planet had been like, before humans and creatures in the depths who were probably still unaware of the fact that humanity existed.
There were whales and most of the whales were herbivores, they ate plants. Teeny tiny microscopic plants. How strange, that such large creatures could live by eating such small things. And also... That meant... That the whales... Were not the predators. That the ocean was home to things that did nothing but eat whales. That's how big the ocean was.
There had to be some sort of intellect behind these skills. What had guided these creatures, to become so unique? Why weren't they all the same?
What did all the water-dwelling creatures think of boats?
Gohan didn't know.
Normally, he would have gone to ask Piccolo. Because Piccolo was gods nephew, so if anyone ought to know... But right now, Gohan didn't know what to think of Piccolo. The admiration and respect had been taken down a hundred notches by the visit to the ruined Tenkaichi Budoukai stadium. Gohan wasn't even sure if he still wanted to be friends with the green warrior. He didn't hate Piccolo but... Innocent people had died because of Piccolo. The stadium still bore the marks of that battle. And his mother... Gohan loved her and he understood her better, now. He didn't want to worry his mother or make her unhappy. How could he continue to be friends with anyone who had scared her so much? Maybe he couldn't. Gohan wasn't sure yet.
He hadn't had a lot of time to dwell on it, either. Because Gohan had other lessons to pursue. His mother had decided to enroll him a special school. She had, in fact, come out of retirement just to be his teacher. And so had Irene. And so had the whole crew. And their families.
The ship creaked and glided across the waves.
It was the best school ever.
ooxoo
How big is the afterlife?
The cloudscape stretched away in all directions, tainted with shafts of light. The sky above was dark and full of distant glittering stars. If you only looked up then you could almost pretend that you were still on Earth. The problem was that the cloudscape was moving - it was like being on the surface of the ocean. There were waves, ripples of motion and gentle drifting. And if you made the mistake of looking down... The sky below was also dark and full of distant glittering stars. And sometimes, the passing shadow of a large creature.
Shenlong? Perhaps.
The knowledge that the afterlife had its own planets, solar systems and galaxies did not begin to capture the scale of things. But the knowledge that a full grown dragon could get lost out here or that a person could be standing dangerously close to such an enormous creature and not even realize it... That gave a whole new level of understanding.
Yajirobe had never been dead before. He was already convinced that it was not an experience that he would care to repeat. The whole sensation of...not being solid... It made him nauseous and that was a strange thing, as well. Why should a ghost be nauseous? He didn't know - but he was. Yajirobe had never liked flying. Truly good swordplay required keeping your feet on the ground. Or on a wall. Or on a ceiling. He'd developed that skill after the war as well. It had been very useful while hunting down renegade ninjas, to be able to just run up the side of a tree or building. Korins Tower... If Yajirobe hadn't been carrying Goku that first time, he could have reached the top in minutes. He'd had enough practice.
Ninjas... There was a terrible thought. Assassins were one thing, because at least most of them were honest about what they did. Assassins worked for money and good assassins were not cheap. Samurai worked for Honor, they took an oath where they swore to serve and defend their masters. But ninjas... Samurai who went insane or who were corrupted by wealth or authority sometimes became ninjas. Assassins who liked to torture things or leaving calling cards at crime scenes, they became ninjas. There were no limits for those people. No loyalty. Ninjas would kill anyone for any reason and sometimes for no reason at all. That had been Yajirobes experience. He truly did not understand why modern culture viewed ninjas so favorably. It was an insult to everything that the samurai had ever represented. At least most of the modern want-to-bes were harmless. Most people were not sincere, when they mimicked the ninja costume. They wore the black and thought it was stylish and that was all.
Before he'd crossed paths with Goku... Yajirobe had been out in the woods, on his way to hunt down a ninja. Another former samurai. He'd even left Korins Tower a few times, to rid the world of the excess violent madmen.
How many of the ninjas were ghosts? What part of the afterlife would those ghosts be in now? What kinds of powers did the ghosts have? What kind of powers did HE have? Goku had trained here, in the afterlife, while dead. Tenshinhan and Chaozu and Yamucha had all trained here. Piccolo hadn't been dead for long, all things considered and Kuririn apparently hadn't trained, either of the times that he'd been dead. But... If training was possible... And if powering up was possible... But... How?
Yajirobe wasn't sure. And the cloudscape was brimming with nobody to ask.
That struck a bad chord. This was not right. The afterlife should not be empty. Death was natural. People and animals and plants had been dying for millions of years. And that was just on Earth. And Yajirobe had never left the Earth but he had heard about other planets, inhabited other planets. And if there was any kind of life on other worlds then there was probably also death on those other worlds, right? So where had all ghosts gone? And Yajirobe had never been dead before but he'd heard about death, too. He'd heard about the afterlife from people who had been there. There was supposed to be a path and a giant orge named Lord Enma and an office where you waited for judgement... Somehow, he'd skipped all that. Yajirobe had appeared directly into the cloudscape. No halo, no wings, no new dress code... Yajirobe wasn't sure if he would have gotten a halo but it might have been useful. Halos gave off light.
He didn't like to power up. Especially not right now. If the power was from the soul then... He would basically be leaking energy, wouldn't he? Draining his own life force. What happened, if a ghost ran out of energy? Yajirobe was not tempted to find out. But... If he powered up just a tiny bit, for just a moment... He would glow. And maybe between giving off some extra light and raising his energy... Then he would become more detectable. And someone would find him. Because try as he might, all that he could detect right now... Wait. Did he really want anyone to find him?
Maybe not.
There had to be other ghosts out there, even if he couldn't see them or detect them. The witch wouldn't destroy everyone, right?
Yajirobe felt more nauseous and wished that he hadn't thought of that.
Wishes...
Okay. Twenty-some days. Right? Why was it so hard to think about that? Maybe the soul didn't age the same way as the body. Maybe the soul rejected the definitions of the mortal mind as no longer relevant. Maybe the afterlife had its own time - something that couldn't be measured with clocks or calendars or sunsets. Maybe there was something about the vast cloudscape that defied time. But thinking about Earth... It made him feel a little bit grounded. So. Twenty-some days. Kami was here, somewhere. Shenlong was here. The witch was here and she was the most detectable. There was apparently an epic battle taking place out here somewhere but Yajirobe couldn't see or hear it. That's how big the afterlife was.
The assassin would be here soon, if he wasn't already. The kid... Yajirobe wondered if the little girl would make it. He doubted that Chaozu would kill the brat and that was okay. One triclops should be enough to dodge magic. Tenshinhan would be healed and should be able to see a spell coming. All that Yajirobe had to do was find the assassin. Then all that they had to do was find the battle and avoid being hit while getting the fight between the witch and the god sorted out. Then the dragonballs would activate on schedule and Yajirobe could be wished back to life and go home, to thrash a certain immortal white cat for testing him so much.
Most eager young warriors would have rushed off in search of the battle. Yajirobe was not eager nor was he terribly young. And he had twenty-some days. And he'd been in a war once, so he knew what twenty-some days could do to a warrior. He would have to pace himself, to survive. That seemed an ironic thought as a ghost but surviving was a familiar goal, at least. An old habit. He could cling to the irrational until he found something better. That might take a while.
Besides, he was a true and cautious samurai. He was loyal and sincere. Yajirobe couldn't join the fight until he knew which side he should take - or if he should be his own side. He didn't want to step into a battle that he didn't fully understand.
The witch had known Kami for three hundred years. They were supposed to be friends, right? Why were they even fighting? And if the Guardian couldn't get her to talk things out... And if Shenlong, who was stronger here, did not have the power to stop her... Then what could the ghost of a samurai do? Hrm. This problem was like a riddle. And this samurai was the apprentice of a riddle master.
Yajirobe inspected himself. He was still human-shaped. Why? He was glad but it didn't make sense. His soul could have, in theory, taken any shape. He wasn't bound by physical limits anymore. Was the shape of his soul based on his memory of life? If that was the case then what would he become, if he forgot what it was to be alive? He studied the clouds again. Hrm. The clouds. Calm and drifting and stretching off in every direction except up or down... The air was intensely cold but in a way that went beyond temperature. The clouds were peaceful but the silence filled the samurai with dread. Were these clouds the ghosts, maybe? Was he standing on a soul that had forgotten the shape that it had been while alive? Would he become a cloud? Could a person be reincarnated, if they forgot what life was?
Twenty-some days... Almost a month. He'd been alive for years. Now he was dead. Could he remember life, for almost a whole month? Maybe that wouldn't be the hard part.
Next Yajirobe inspected The No Ken which hung from a belt under his weighted outer robe. Even now, even though all his clothes were ghostly - did clothing have soul? or was this part of the memory? - the robe was still weighted. That was a surprise and it wasn't the only one. Yajirobe was grateful to have kept the blade but felt a bit weird - well, weirder - to have it. The No Ken had remained solid. His soul wasn't. It was a challenge to pick the sword up because he wasn't accustomed to being able to see through his own hands. And as disturbing as it had been, for Yajirobe to see the reflections of his past or of his future in the length of the blade... It was a smidge more disturbing, to suddenly not have a reflection at all.
But it did allow Yajirobe to see the reflection of something else.
Behind him, a cloud turned to fog and the fog gradually took on a shape. A ghostly humanoid shape. With the poise of a warrior and the garb of a fisherman. Clutching the oar of a row boat.
The chill of the afterlife seemed to dramatically increase. And the thing that no warrior should ever forget, Yajirobe decided as he turned on his heels and raised the divine blade to block, was that the witch was an accurate psychic. So of course she must have expected... And of course, she had allies here as well.
ooxoo
Kuririn was in a dark place. Well, actually - physically - he was just in his room. And it wasn't bright in this room because he'd barricaded the door and the windows. But it wasn't totally dark either because Kuririn gave off light. But mentally, he was in a much darker place.
And it was because of Lunch.
Granted, being related to Master Roshi was a shock. Especially since Master Roshi hadn't mentioned it until recently. To think that he'd been staying with his real-live-actual uncle since the age of thirteen... His uncle was a legend! His uncle was more than three hundred years old! His uncle was a pioneer of energy combat! His uncle was the most infamous pervert on the planet! Kuririn was amazed by the news but also hurt by the other side of it. The relation was more distant. His uncle, Roshi... Was his great-great-great... There were generations between them, that's what it came down to. And Roshi didn't know those people anymore. And Kuririn hadn't ever known them. But he wanted to - he needed to. His parents were one of those missing links. If Master Roshi was still alive then Kuririns parents... Or at least one of those parents... Hopefully only one of those parents...
Was Uranai Babas child. And Master Mutaitos child. Or grandchild. Or great-great-great...
Kuririn got dizzy. He was a part of the Mutaito clan. He was a direct descendant of the most dangerous mortal psychic on the planet. This... Explained a few things but had not, yet, improved his opinion of the witch. Because the witch had done something, to her own clan. She'd disowned her own children. What kind of parent would...? Kuririn didn't understand the things that had happened three hundred years ago. He was twenty-seven. He had listened to the explanations. But... In his heart, it just didn't make sense. Mutaito could have let Kami die at the battles against Daimio. Mutaito could have become the next Guardian. And the witch... With all her power, why hadn't she prevented her husbands death? Why hadn't she...?
But as unfathomable as all of this was... Kuririn couldn't linger on it. Because he didn't understand all of it. And he was too preoccupied with feeling denial to try and understand it better. And so it didn't scare him quite as much as Lunch. Because that was more immediate, more personal.
A cousin. A distant and previously unknown cousin. A pretty woman, a little older than him, who had lived at the Kame House and... Did they NOT have any idea how many times he'd thought about asking her out?! Lunch had always been so nice to him. Kuririn had been a teenager, fresh out of a monestary. He'd been bald and under two feet tall. He had wanted to train not just to overcome the fears instilled in him by bullies but also to attract girls. He probably would have fallen half in love with any pretty woman that had been nice to him. If he hadn't been so shy... Then instead of just hanging around all dreamy-eyed to help with the cooking and housework... He would have asked Lunch out.
Would Master Roshi have let him date his own cousin?!
And how distant was distant, exactly?! If Lunch was related to him in any way at all then... Maybe she was related to his parents, as well. Did she know them? Was he going to have to seek answers about his origins from someone who was at least a little bit insane? How much did her condition impair her memory? What if Lunch didn't know...
The witch would know.
Kuririn did not want to have to ask her, either. He hoped that the witch stayed in the afterlife. The planet might not be big enough for both of them anymore.
And there were other relatives, other cousins. The person who had tried to kill Master Roshi - a member of the Jitsugen clan, apparently - was related. The bandit might be related. The assassin might be...
Being in a dark place, mentally, did not prevent an energy signature from registering. Gohan.
Kuririn ignored it. Maybe it was a trick. Even if it wasn't a trick, he still didn't feel like talking to anyone. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. He had a lot to think about. Family and friends and fighting skill. Evil being purged and pure heartedness. Attacks and traps and the guardianship. The past and the future. The barricade was symbolic, really. Anyone could have gotten past it. Master Roshi or Yamucha could have broken a window or vaporized a wall. Puar or Oolong were both able to shapeshift and lockpick. But they could all detect his energy and so they all knew better. They wouldn't bother him much until he took the barricade down. Kuririn had everything he needed, in his room - even a small fridge. Not that he currently had an appetite.
Gohans energy persisted. It was drawing closer. Not fast enough for the kid to be flying or even riding the cloud but... Maybe he was riding in an aircar? Which meant that the kid was with someone. Because Gohan wasn't old enough to drive.
If the windows hadn't been barricaded, Kuririn would have seen how far off his guess was. Instead, he noticed Oolongs energy go screaming through the Kame House and dive into the ocean out back. And then Master Roshi powered down, as if to avoid being noticed. Which meant that Kuririns energy was now the most detectable on the island and... Actually, as long as he was on the island, his energy was pretty much always the most detectable. But this wasn't fair! Kuririn wasn't ready to...
Wood splintered. Glass shattered. Something large, heavy and metallic crashed through a wall of his room and left a dent in the floor.
"ah... sorry." Gohan peered through the hole where the wall had once been. He'd been put in charge of weighing the anchor but the anchor was kind of slippery and he tended to get carried away, when it came to throwing things and... Gohan turned, his face lit up. "Kuririn!"
Kuririn spent the next several moments looking at dancing spots and trying to avoid having a crushed ribcage.
Right, this was the same kid who could try to hug Piccolo. Or Vegeta. And live. The boy could read bad energy and just basically ignore it, in other words. Had Gohan become this strong in order to survive living around Goku? Or had Goku had to become stronger, just to survive his son? The kid could turn hugs into deadly combat. At least the boy was feeling better. Kuririn wondered how Gohan had been cured of laughing so much.
Once the hug was released and after the room stopped being blurry, Kuririn stared at the anchor. It was huge. Then he stared at the kid who had thrown it. The most dangerous creature on the planet. Why did the boy look so normal? Although... Kuririn blinked. "Uhm. What are you dressed up as?"
"I'm a demi-pirate!" Gohan grinned and he looked the part. He had a necklace of coins and shark teeth. He had a striped vest, patched pants and a headscarf.
There was metallic creaking, the chain on the anchor swayed slightly. Kuririn let his eyes follow the chain and had to walk over to lean out of the house... Where it became impossible to ignore the presence of the pirate ship. Despite the fact that he lived on an island, Kuririn did not know much about boats but this was a piece of art, it really was. It had a certain dignity. It was wooden, of all things. Not plastic or rubber or metal, like so many modern boats. The boat had been made carefully, someone had taken pride in their work. The vessel was large enough to contain the population of a small village but it sat high in the water and managed to appear sleek. There were multiple masts and rigging and sails and a dark flag with the pattern of a skull in front of two crossed axes. There was a statue on the front, a half-serpent of some sort and beneath the statue two words had been painted and carved in tall cursive letters: The Axis.
Standing on the chain between the ship and the anchor, there was a person. A delicate looking woman clad in dark leather and lace with a moderately frilled blouse. She clinked with polished jewelery and had a wide silk belt tied around her waist. She wore her hair down. She had several visible tool and weapon belts strapped on her arms and legs and across her chest. She carried a tall axe. The blade was bigger than she was.
Kuririn nearly didn't recognize her. And he couldn't immediately think of how to react because she was already nailing him to the ground with a glare that said: 'you took my son to a warzone on another planet, you have NO RIGHT AT ALL to question me for doing this.'
"Remember the dark mist? Well, the normal schools aren't working yet so..." Gohan was explaining.
"THAT is a school?!"
A plank was lowered with surprising speed. Some of the crew rushed down. A man who appeared to be half-walrus shouted. "You callin' us stupid, shortness?"
Kuririn took a breath and resisted the impulse to blow them all up, sink the ship and just leave. He glared at ChiChi, who had not moved from her tightrope walking act and tried to think of a polite way to say: 'you know, taking the strongest creature on the planet and showing him how to be a pirate might be AN INCREDIBLY BAD IDEA.'
"It's great!" Gohan was ignoring the tension between his mother and his favorite sensei. "We learn all kinds of things! Like how to predict the weather and how to navigate by the wind and the stars and..."
"How to repair a boat." Said the half-walrus, proudly. He seemed to carry nothing but hammers in his weapons belt. "How clean a boat. How to keep a boat above water even in a storm or move the cargo around to get it going faster or..."
"Geography!" Said a wrinkled man with an eyepatch and lot of tattoos - some of which were maps. "How to recognize a country from it's coastline. How to recognize an ocean without a coastline. And..."
A set of triplets, all adult women in long raincoats spoke up with shrill voices. They were identical, except that they were each missing a different limb. The first to speak had a peg leg where her right leg had once been. "Travel! The history and languages and customs of different countries!"
"Loot- I mean, accounting!" said the middle sister, who had a hook hand. A ruffled parrot perched on her shoulder and squawked and whistled while she spoke. "Trade! Bartering! Foreign currencies! How to buy and sell what you need, no matter where you are!"
"Biology!" The last sister also had a peg leg, hers was the left. She also had a small crocodile in a purse. Not a crocodile purse but a crocodile IN a purse. A pet. It grinned a lazy toothy grin. "Marine biology! Oceanography! Ecology! Saving the environment! Or at least saving ourselves from the environment! Survival of the fittest!"
A humanoid penguin carrying a spear and wearing an outfit made of nothing but fishing nets added a few remarks. A parrot fluttered over to it, listened and - between fits of parroting - translated. "Fishing! wanna cracker... Knowing what's safe to eat! pretty bird! Knowing how to clean a fish!"
"Not to mention the challenges of cooking on a boat." Said the lady with the crocodile.
"And seeking buried treasure." Added the lady with the hook hand.
"And swimming and playing cards." Said the travel expert.
"And all the words to The Hymn of Flying Admiral." Said the wrinkled one-eyed walking altas.
"And fifty different ways to tie a good knot!" Finished the angry half-walrus, brandishing a hammer. "Which is more than you know, I'll bet!"
"Yea!" Gohan cheered and then paused. He turned to the half-walrus. "Wait. Only fifty? I thought there were more than a hundred..."
The half-walrus snorted dismissively. "If you're going to get into the decorative..."
More of the crew rushed down, including a humandoid rat and several assorted pirate spouses and children and parrots. An intense debate on the merits of decorative knots soon filled the island. Gohan was part of it.
Kuririn considered leaving. Just walking off. Going back in the house, at least. He hadn't wanted company in the first place and this was more weirdness than he cared to endorse. He'd had enough weirdness already, thank you very much. He hadn't even begun to deal with the sheer amount of weirdness in his own life. He'd tried. But... 'oh hi, I've been purged of evil apparently and was nearly forced to become a local god since you last saw me.' That wasn't something that a person could easily slip into a conversation, not even with themselves.
An explosion of sand. A woman with an axe landed on her feet. She had somersaulted down from the boat. She had used the axe to improve her rotation and her speed. Kuririn stared. He had never thought of weapons as being counterbalances for a persons weight. But... This tall lady with the frizzy hair... Had the build of a dancer and when she moved... She pivoted gracefully around her long-handled axe.
The samurai... Kuririn realized that he had seen someone else use this principle... The samurai could do this as well. And Yajirobe was bloody dangerous, when he hit a rhythm. And Yamucha sometimes sparred with weapons and he could do this, too. And ChiChi... Kuririn had never seen her fight with a weapon. But he remembered the 23rd Tenkaichi Budoukai, where weapons were banned. And he'd watched some of her fights, back then. And she had looked a bit off balance. Maybe that had been love - she had been fixated on Goku. Or perhaps ChiChi had never fought without a weapon before.
And she had a weapon, now.
"Hey!" Irene nearly dislocated his shoulder when she grabbed and shook his hand. "Listen, Gohan says yer a swell kid..."
"I'm not a kid." Kuririn growled, reclaiming his arm and suddenly not wanting to take his eyes from the axes. He was bulletproof but not bladeproof.
"Really?" Irene didn't bother to feign surprise. "Huh. Well, is there a radio or something in the house that we could borrow? Sorry about the wall, by the way."
The other pirates on the beach were now deeply involved in a knot demonstration. Gohan was trying to show that the decorative fishtail knot, if tied properly, could be just as dependable as the more standard double box knot. But everyone had their own variations and favorites. So they were also tying triple happiness knots, woven brocade knots and butterfly knots - among others. And they were arguing heartily about whether the loops should go under first or over first or...
Kuririn scowled. This lady, the blade of her axe was bigger than him. If she threw all her weight into a swing - that would be some wicked speed for a non-martial artist. "Why do you need a radio?"
"We heard a rumor that some idiot has taken god to court." Irene smiled. "Wanna check the news and see if..."
"It's true." Kuririn decided to defend the absent bandit. "And he's not an idiot, he's my friend."
Irene stared down at him for a while. "Ya know, I was thinking of inviting ya on board but... You're doomed." Then she turned, picked up Gohan and went back on the boat. The woman who was willing to let a six year old carry a knife was no longer willing to have the kid anywhere near this island. Gohan thought about resisting but was distracted by the fact that he'd accidentally tied his own hands together.
The crew followed her up the plank, still debating knots. But there were a couple of new members, Kuririn noticed. A humanoid pig with a suitcase. An old man in dark sunglasses. Kuririn scowled at them. They went on the boat anyway.
Kuririn checked himself. Was his energy THAT bad?
ChiChi remained standing above the beach on the anchor chain. She watched Master Roshi and Oolong get aboard with a mild frown. Then she looked down. "Which friend?" She ventured, still in a iron-clad tone of: 'you can NOT tell me to just go home because I will remove your spleen if you dare utter such nonsense.'
Seriously. Why should she go home and sit around waiting for Goku to come back? What if he didn't come back? ChiChi loved her husband and that's why it hurt so much not to know but... It had started to occur to her, that Goku might not come back. The wish to get Goku home had been made last May - and that wish had failed. And they hadn't heard anything from or about her husband since. If he was fighting in outer space... He could be dead by now. He could have been dead for months. And the house would seem so empty, without him. She couldn't just go back to the house. Her life would be miserable if she just went back. Everything in that house would remind her of a person that she loved but might never see again. This was not an idea that she was prepared to face on her own. ChiChi was a social creature. She needed social support. She needed her ship and her crew and Irene. And it WAS a good education for her son and for the other pirates children and... ChiChi inspected Kame Island. She couldn't detect energy but she was a little surprised to think that someone else wasn't here. "Where's your daughter?"
Kuririn went through more than a few expressions and dark mental moments. He'd been so wrapped up in shock... But if Shirley was truly related to him in any way... Then she was also related, distantly, to Lunch and Master Roshi and Uranai Baba... And someone should maybe tell the girl. And she was probably still up at the Lookout, training with Korin. Shirley was only nine and she was already training with an immortal. Of course, if she had genetics from Daimio as well then she was related to Kami and... Did that make her semi-immortal? Demi-immortal? The thought was enough to nearly give Kuririn a migraine. He didn't mind claiming the kid and trying to raise her but he didn't want to have do the introductions to the rest of the family right away.
He wasn't eager to return to the Lookout but he resolved to go there anyway and soon. For now, he switched topics. "Why are we supposively doomed?"
ChiChi felt worried for Shirley but decided to let the change of topic slide. She could get answers elsewhere. "Ever hear of the lost sunken island?"
"Yes." Kuririn had studied history and mythology back at the temple.
"Ever wonder how it became lost and sunken?"
"..."
ChiChi shrugged. "You did ask." She turned and started walking up the chain towards her ship. "Tell your friend to drop the charges. Because when gods are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... They might. And the truth is a powerful thing." She signaled to her crew. With the usual amount of shouting and chanting, they began to haul in the anchor. "We'll send a check, to pay for repairs to the house." ChiChi added with a flourish of her axe. "Just as soon as your friend drops the charges."
As soon as the Captain was on deck, a noisy debate broke out about whether certain not-exactly-stowaways should be thrown overboard. It didn't take long to resolve. Master Roshi must have said something that caught the pirates interest. ChiChi nodded. Then the crew resumed hauling anchor.
The anchor creaked as it was dragged, leaving scuff marks in the floor and ceiling. Kuririn sighed and looked at the Kame House. His room. He'd never owned a ton of stuff and he'd been thinking of moving out for years but... And he certainly couldn't be a parent here, could he? But it was home and... Where else could he go?
A blur of orange and a few moments of dancing spots. Chiropractor. Kuririn resolved while gathering his energy to prevent a spinal fracture. If I'm going to remain friends with this kid then I have got to find a good chiropractor.
Gohan was trailing string and had a handful of decorative knots. He smiled but sounded concerned. "Are you sure that you don't want to come? We get to sleep in hammocks!"
"Thanks but...I've got...some other things..." Kuririn managed, once able to breathe again.
"Catch up to us, then. Please?" Gohan dropped the necklace over Kuririns head. "I think you'd really like being a pirate, if you gave it a try. And bring your daughter, too." A note of steel crept into the demi-saiyans tone. "I want a rematch with her."
The six year old picked up the anchor, nudged the ship into the water with a foot and flew back on board. There were a few cries of 'Ahoy!' and 'wanna cracker!' and the creaks of wind filling the sails. The Axis glided around the island and turned north. The ship caught a tide, picked up speed and rapidly shrank towards the horizon.
"...REmatch?" Kuririn asked the world at large after several stunned moments.
A splash of water revealed a green turtle shell. "There's a...!" Umigame, the resident sea turtle of Kame Island, started as he came ashore but then he paused and took in the scene. "Uhm... The pirate ship?"
"Came and went." Kuririn informed him, sweatdropping. Umigame was a nice creature but a lousy warning system. The turtle was, not to put too fine a point on it, slow. He was always swimming up to warn them of things about fifteen minutes after the fact.
Umigame dropped his head, a gesture of apology. "Oh..."
ooxoo
Mai sighed. "It was your idea to come here."
They were parked outside an animal shelter. It was the first one they'd found that was open.
"...i know..." Shou cringed, a paw over his muzzle. He couldn't even stand to look at the building, he had his back to it and his eyes shut. "...but the smell..."
Mai was human. She could not normally smell what her friend did - his nose was far more sensitive. But this building did reek, even to her. It was the smell of a hundred cages with standing room only. It was the smell of sickness and industrial bleach. This was the type of smell that could make a dog volunteer to work at a landfill, to try and forget it. There was a tangible level of despair in the area, probably even in the best of times. And right now... With so many people dead or missing or on the move, with so many cities and towns in ruins... Yes, the clean up had begun and there were signs of recovery but... Who could afford to adopt a new pet? Who could afford to take in a stray?
"Let me get this straight..." Pilaf was a mechanical genius. He'd never been to an animal shelter before. His friends had tried to explain the concept to him. "Animals go in there because humans don't want them anymore? And the animals don't know how to take care of themselves? So instead of being released into the wild or put in a zoo... They just get...?"
"Put to sleep, sir. Permanently, sir." Mai reached down and squeezed Shou on the shoulder. The talking animals were never meant to end up in these kinds of places but sometimes they did. And sometimes, they were too frightened to speak. Mai couldn't imagine what her friend had gone through in his past but she was glad that he'd found his voice in time to escape. "It is supposed to be very humane."
Yes. Waiting to die and wondering why nobody loves you enough to take you home is so humane. Seeing the cages around you empty out, one at a time... Shou was clutching the mangled little red cat. What had he been thinking?! It was practically roadkill but even roadkill deserved better than this!
Pilaf stared for a while at the building. He was around knee-cap height next to Mai, chest-level next to Shou. The blue midget had spent the better part of forty-eight years trying to conquer the world but he'd also spent a solid half hour calling Shou a 'very bad dog' after first seeing the mangled red cat. Pilaf had never tried to conquer the non-human parts of the world. He'd never even thought about it before, not seriously. Not very seriously. Not for a long time. He'd wanted to turn all the humans into chickens once and then conquer the world, did that count? Probably not. But he was thinking about it now. Animals... An animal army... And... Pilaf pointed, the gears in his head were turning at genius speeds. "So they have chemicals in there that can...put someone to sleep? Permanently?"
Mai nodded. Shou whimpered. The mangled little red cat squeaked, it had bitten Mai earlier. Her hand was still taped up and she'd complained of numbness. It was a good thing that Mai could shoot with either hand.
This little red cat... Was a curious thing. It was alive but it looked half dead. And it looked harmless, now. Especially with its eyes shut. But when Mai had picked it up... The cat had sprouted massive fangs. Retractable claws were a normal trait in felines. Retractable fangs were not, as far as Pilaf knew. But he wasn't an animal expert. So maybe it was a normal trait. And maybe tiny cats having the strength to cause partial numbness in humans with a simple bite was also a normal trait. And maybe other animals had useful traits as well. Maybe it was time to turn to the animal kingdom for some fresh inspiration. And a dash of chemistry. Because what kind of self-respecting delusional maniac would turn down the chance to seize dangerous chemicals?
"So... If we take all the animals from this place..." Pilaf said thoughtfully, he was doing some new sketches on his mental drawing board. "...will they just give us the chemicals as well, do you think?"
Mai answered this by lifting a loaded pistol in her non-bandaged hand. She'd been working for Pilaf long enough to recognize an order before it was even given. This was not the time to ask sensible questions like: 'but where are we going to keep who-knows-how-many dogs and cats and also possibly rodents and goldfish and reptiles and birds?' This was not the time to point out that she was going to want a new car, if she had to transport all these creatures. An evil - but probably not very evil - plan was taking shape here. It would be an adventure, a nice diversion for a while. It would likely end with an explosion - most of Pilafs schemes did. Mai stepped away from the car and flexed her fingers. "They will give us anything we want, sir. We just have to ask nicely."
Lord Pilaf gestured towards the shelter. "Go and ask nicely then."
Mai smiled. Once in a while, her boss gave orders that she liked. This was one of those times. "Yes, sir."
ooxoo
Yamucha approached Kame Island with caution. Even from a distance it was hard not to notice that there was a massive hole in one wall of the Kame House. Had Kuririn done this? But... The aircar drew closer. The eyes confirmed what the energy had already detected. Kuririn was still here.
The bandit was capable of flying on his own but he liked to drive sometimes as well. Especially when leaving a densely populated area, like the town around a court house. Because not all average people reacted well to the idea of flying martial artists. Even less so since the broadcast battle. The Budoukai was a huge tournament but the live audience could not rival the sheer amount of people who could be reached by television. So... Not everyone had seen the last few Budoukais but hardly anyone had missed the battle against Vegeta and Nappa. Which meant that average people tended to associate flying martial artists with hostile aliens now. And just one of the problems with these particular aliens, the Saiyans... Was that they didn't actually look VERY alien. So virtually any flying martial artist could, as far as the general public was concerned, be accused of being an alien. Especially if they also had dark hair. Which made no sense because Nappa had been bald.
So, aside from a haircut, Yamucha was now contemplating getting his hair dyed a different color. Because even though people were not likely to view him as normal, he did not ever want to be accused of being a Saiyan again.
The hole in the Kame House was a nearly welcome distraction from such insults.
Although trying to decide on a new hair color had also been a distraction, for several days now and from an astonishingly wide range of things. Like possible relatives. And having ordered a spaceship. And attacks that still needed to be finalized and formally named. And proceeding with a lawsuit against god. And trying to get a home rebuilt - it didn't even have to be a mansion. He'd never really meant to end up with a mansion in the first place. Why did Puar want to have a whole mansion? And not being able to go back to work because the world was a disaster area. So his expenses were up and his income was nothing and his savings were going down and...
Possible relatives.
It was a huge deal, to someone who had no idea of their own ancestory, to be confronted with the idea of family. Because family... Only when a person knew their history could they know themselves. Yamucha didn't know the name his parents had chosen for him or if his fighting skills were part of his genetic inheritance or what his cultural heritage was or... And while he wasn't prepared to seek out his parents - he couldn't believe that they would be good people - he was starting to feel concerned. Two months ago, his baseball team had hired a new player that could have apparently passed as his identical twin. Yamucha had avoided the guy and not heard anything since - so what did it mean? Was the twin still out there? Was it an actual twin or some sort of genetic creation put together by criminals or just a freaky coincidence? And now... The idea of being a possible distant cousin to Kuririn and Lunch and maybe even Tenshinhan... A nephew to Master Roshi... A grandchild to a woman could probably kill anyone on the planet from hundreds of miles away...
No one had been able to confirm or deny that Yamucha might be tied to the Mutaito clan. Yamucha had asked. Roshi didn't have an answer. The witch was in the afterlife and the gods were not being talkative. So it wasn't for certain but even just the suggestion of being related to the Mutaito clan... That was a smidge overwhelming for the bandit. Much easier to fret about hair colors.
At least Yamucha could be fairly certain that he wasn't related to Bulma. Cripes, that would have been awkward. But... Not having any clear idea where he stood, in relation - ha - to most of the rest of the worlds population... Yamucha was happily single. He added the uncertainy about his own family to his mental list of reasons for remaining that way. Master Roshi had been right to become hermit. Dating ones own kin by accident was a serious risk.
Not that Yamucha was popular at the moment.
There were numerous violent riots going on around the courthouse, these days. The debates kept growing and so did the angry mobs. Yamucha hadn't had much success reasoning with them or trying to get public support for the case. He'd been called a lot of things lately. Most of which had been offensive. As a professional baseball player, he had learned to take heckling in stride - but to be accused of being Saiyan... Nothing had quite prepared him for that. The insult stung. What was the point in even defending the world if people couldn't tell the heros apart from the bad guys?!
Seriously. The spaceship might come in handy before all this was over. Nah. He'd rather go back to the desert hideout. At least in the desert you didn't have to worry about oxygen levels. And outer space was supposed to be cold. Yamucha prefered not to freeze.
He parked the aircar just offshore Kame Island and automatically braced himself. The bandit respected his friends but he always seemed to get the weirdest and worst news from them. So he opened the vehicles door but didn't step out on to the beach. "Feeling better?"
Kuririn did not answer right away because he had, for some reason, decided that the right look for a repairman was to have several nails half-sticking out of his mouth. He was powered down and even using a hammer - with his power, he could have skipped the tools - to put some boards over the hole in the wall. "Working on it." Kuririn eventually muttered, reaching for another board. He did have other places to be but he couldn't just leave the place in shambles.
"And he didn't do this." Umigame chimed in from beside the tool box, having caught the implied meaning of the bandits question.
Kuririn nearly choked on small metal pointy things. "Of course I wouldn't!" He stopped, realized that the hole HAD been a wall of his room until recently and so it might in fact look as if...
"There were pirates." Umigame continued.
"But nobody was hurt!" Kuririn emphasized, while choosing not to mention that Gohan was a pirate.
And Yamucha, still seated inside the car, cringed. Bandits and pirates were sometimes business partners. It was hard to get supplies in the desert, okay? And even the vast southern desert had a shoreline and a river and anyone who lived in the desert had to know where to find water so... He had met the merchants, legal and otherwise, sailing through. But all the pirates that he'd ever known, they wouldn't have avoided causing harm. Yamucha checked the world of ki. Master Roshi and Oolong were not on Kame Island. "Uhm. If nobody was hurt..." Yamucha began and he was choosing not to ask what kind of flag the pirates had been flying.
"The Master has apparently taken up naval hitchhiking." Umigame was polite and could make nearly any kind of questionable behavior sound decent. Especially if it meant defending the reputation of Roshi who was, after all, the Turtle Master.
"Yea..." Kuririn gave the sea turtle a bewildered look. He wasn't quite sure what Roshi had ever done to inspire such selectively-blind loyalty. "And Oolong went with him. And I was invited but I decided to stay here and fix the house. End of story. Nothing to worry about, see?"
Now Kuririn was recieving the bewildered looks.
"Except that a legendary martial artist and a shapeshifting pig are traveling with apparently defenseless pirates." Yamucha pointed out. He wasn't fond of pirates but he was, in this instance, more worried for them. Roshi could be dangerous, Oolong was capable of being moderately dangerous and both of them were tricksters. Traveling with pirates? What were they up to?
"I wouldn't say defenseless..." Kuririn sighed, going back to work on patching up the Kame House but still determined not to mention ChiChi or Gohan.
Yamucha watched for a moment and then said. "Need any help?"
"Weeell..." Kuririn spoke without turning, "If you'd like to help then please drop the charges against Korin. Apparently he can sink islands. That would make these repairs kind of futile, you know?"
"..."
Kuririn nodded sympathetically. "Yea. That's what I said."
"But..." Yamucha started. "If we drop the case... Then... The apprenticeship would resume, wouldn't it?"
And this was why Kuririn hadn't mentioned dropping the charges right away. He was not eager to resume training. He had resolved to go to the Lookout and get Shirley, earlier and had been stalling ever since. Gathering the supplies and making the repairs had been good ways to stall. He could have made the repairs in minutes, with his speed, but he was deliberately not doing so. If he returned to the Lookout... What if he got stuck there again? This had to be some kind of a trick. Or trap. With Shirley and those other kids as bait. Kuririn was fairly sure that Korin must have intended this. Which did not improve his opinion of the immortal cat.
But Gohan, of all creatures, wanted a rematch with Shirley. When had the kids ever fought in the first place?! But... The danger was that Gohan, now that he wasn't just a laugh track, was the strongest creature on the planet and capable of detecting energy. So... Would he be able to find Shirley, at the Lookout? What if the boy got impatient? If Gohan went to the Lookout... And he knew where it was, because he'd fought Garlic Junior...
Hence the situation wasn't just a matter of trying to outwit the immortals anymore. It was a matter of trying to protect Shirley, from Gohan. And also Gohan, from the apprenticeship. Because if anyone asked the demi-saiyan how he felt about defending the planet then he would probably end up getting sworn in. Oolong was on a pirate ship. Puar was probably out on a date, working the legal case or getting the mansion taken care of. Kuririn... Felt trapped, already. The walls of circumstance were closing in. But if he returned to the apprenticeship, at least for now... Then maybe... He could find a way to break this cycle without harming the planet.
This time, he would be more prepared.
"I've got an idea..." Kuririn tried to make the veiled request sound casual.
"Join the club." Yamucha had been thinking about the legal case a lot because he worried for Puar. She was working too hard and snapping at people and not wanting anyone to help her - she assumed that anyone who tried to help her suddenly didn't trust her. Dropping the charges... Might strike Puar as a vote of no confidence, she was taking the case personally. But getting her away from the case meant settling it. And they needed a judge just to settle. And it was going to take special judge, to be willing to negotiate with Korin. They knew a former Emperor. Wasn't it true, that Emperors could be judges? But Chaozu was elusive even to those who could detect energy. So... What about an apprentice guardian, instead?
Kuririn had not studied a great deal of law but he approved of this idea. It fit together nicely with what he'd been originally planning.
Unfortunately Yamucha was not so thrilled by Kuririns original plan. But after some debate and discussion, the friends worked out a compromise and shook on it.
About fifteen minutes later, left alone on the island with the patched up Kame House, Umigame sighed. He wasn't a warrior. And he was young, for a turtle, so he wasn't fast yet - not even in the water because his heavy shell and his relatively short fins were not growing at the same rate. And he didn't understand all human customs but, being a sea turtle, he DID happen to know rather a lot about the ocean. And while not able to detect energy, Umigame had noticed the direction - well, okay so Kuririn had told him earlier - that the pirate ship had gone. And that kind of worried him.
ooxoo
Four bony tailspikes swept through the air, accompanied by a squelching rumble.
Lord Pilaf knew what a stegosaurus was but, being a delusional maniac and a mechanical genius, he was not sure how to turn it on. Or steer it. He'd never really dealt with this kind of thing before. Pilaf currently stood on the dinosaurs head and - after pausing to enjoy the view from this height - looked around for a lever or something.
"Uhm..." Shou stood on the ground below and resisted the impulse to flee in terror. He had not gone inside the animal shelter and he certainly hadn't expected for a stegosaurus to walk out. Maybe the enormous lizard had been capsulized? How else could it have fit into the building? But the shelter staff had claimed to be too broke for capsules, that's why Mais car was now fully loaded with dangerous chemicals. And this left Shou in a remarkably bad predicament. Because he needed a ride. And his options were: A)squeeze into a car full of dangerous chemicals or b)climb up onto the back of a grumpy stegosaurus. A dinosaur that Pilaf was going to try and give orders to.
Mai had gotten all of the animals out of the shelter and the majority of those animals had sensibly run away. Others had slithered, flown, burrowed or limped away. But a scattered few had remained - including a bowl of goldfish - and had been reluctantly herded up the tail and onto the stegosaur. They were cringing between the rows of plates that protruded from the dinosaurs back. Pilaf was already calling the animals minions. An army to stand against Red Ribbon, perhaps. The animals did not understand this. Shou and Mai were skeptical but loyal.
The stegosaurus had a name. Spike. The creature had been found wearing a collar with that name engraved on the tag - it still wore that collar. Which meant that someone had domesticated this thing. Maybe Spike would take orders? But what kind of orders might a stray dinosaur understand?
Lord Pilaf poked around the collar as if honestly expecting to find a button labeled 'go'.
"I think it requires voice commands, sir." suggested Mai from the safety of the sidewalk. "Maybe giddy up? Or fetch?"
Shou suppressed the urge to look for a thrown stick. He was humanoid, yes, but also still a dog on some level. His ears twitched at the mention of 'fetch'. But his eyes hadn't left the large lizard towering over them. "Uhm..." Being nervous, Shou tensed and made the mistake of squeezing the mangled tiny red cat that he'd been carrying.
"REOW!"
A small dazed wild-eyed bundle of dishelved red fur sprang into the air, waving its limbs and claws and baring a set of fangs that could have made even a prehistoric shark die of envy. This feline had, since staggering into existence yesterday, been making a stream of incoherant - and often conflicting - resolutions. Lose weight. Take over the world. Beat up the rodent. Lose weight. Destroy the strange dog. Be nicer to people. Bite the lady. Exercise more. Take over the world. Recycle. Quit smoking.
The cat did not smoke, it still didn't have any weight to lose and it wasn't sure what recycling meant. But all that anyone around it had noticed so far was that this poor little cat looked like roadkill and seemed to be in pain, it kept clenching a tiny paw. No one beyond the cat understood that each time the cat made a resolution, it did this. And the resolutions didn't have to make sense because who kept all their resolutions anyway? Even the less than sane kitten was aware that not keeping resolutions was acceptable - it was making them that counted. Oh and the cat was also aware that it had been named: Delerious.
It had resolved to find out what the name meant. Then it had resolved to take up painting. The cat had less than no clue as to what painting might actually involve.
Yet mangled and dazed though Delerious was, the cat was not fond of being held too tightly. Being carried was permissable because Delerious had trouble walking. Delerious simply did not have that kind of coordination. However the cat interpreted being squeezed as an attack against it. So it reacted defensively. The little feline continued to flail in midair, hissing and spitting. After a short arc through the air - perhaps predictably - Delerious landed on Spike. And promptly sank the teeth in. But while the teeth had been fatal for an ordinary rat, the cat was very small. A bite from Delerious had only numbed Mais hand. The dinosaur was just another example of literally more than the cat could chew.
Spike was, on some delayed primitive level, still amazed at how much pain such a tiny creature could cause. The stegosaurus reacted by doing the dinosaur equivalent of a yelp before stampeding off, to try and escape the pain.
"AHHH!" Lord Pilaf clung to the collar and his faint screaming could be heard even after the now half-rabid dinosaur was out of sight. "Cease! Desist! Brake! Decelerate! LISTEN AND OBEY, you stupid reptile!"
Shou stared at the wide array of trampled destruction that Spike had left behind. Not that the world had been in great shape to begin with but now there was a zig-zagging trail of stegosaurus-sized footprints in the asphalt. "Uhm..." He couldn't think of what else to say.
"At least we'll be able to follow them." Mai muttered, she was looking at her car. Which was currently - thanks to the successful robbery - full of boxes containing the chemicals that were normally used, at the shelter, for putting animals to sleep terminally. She wondered if they had enough of the chemicals to sedate a rampaging dinosaur.
ooxoo