Hi guys! My exam is over and I've had some time to adjust back to uni life so I can get back to completing this story. I think some of you misunderstood what I said in the last chapter - there are three chapters left after this one (including the epilogue) so we're not as close to the end as you may have thought. Still pretty close in the grand scheme of things, but yep, the story will conclude at 40.

Thank you for your responses to the last one! A lot of you agreed with Clary's decision but there was definitely a divide, so hopefully this chapter will help you in making your mind up. Or it might just mess with you even more, but we'll see :P Now that I'm relatively freed up again, I'll try to get back to as many of you as I can as usual. Here we go...

Disclaimer: I do not own TMI or its characters, but I have played croquet. Once. Badly. I don't even know the rules, I just hit the balls randomly.

Chapter 37: Trying to mend bridges

I hold Jace's gaze for as long as I can, blinking the tears out of my own eyes. I know what I have to do. As long as I choose one of them, it'll hurt the other. Whether this passes or not, I know where my place is.

Before anyone else can make a move, I turn my back on Jace and follow after my brother.

Jonathan is so unprepared for the fact that I might actually go after him that he almost runs me over on his way out of his parking spot. His car screeches to a halt a mere foot away as I stand frozen, literally like a deer in headlights. The look on his face would almost be comical if it weren't for the fact that he could quite easily have just killed me.

Huh.

My own brother could have killed me.

I could have died without ever having played croquet. Or eaten a deep-fried Mars Bar. Or been punched by a kangaroo in Australia.

"Clary?!"

I suddenly realise Jonathan's yelling in my ear. He's been shaking me for a while it seems, though I've been too preoccupied with my thoughts on narrowly avoiding death.

"We need to go to Australia," is the first thing I say. How can I expect to be punched by a kangaroo if I've never even been to Australia? I mean, I know that kangaroos exist outside of Australia but it's really not the same. Getting punched at the zoo sounds far less exciting. "Will you take me to Australia?"

"Great!" Jonathan slaps himself in the forehead.

"Is that a yes?"

"You're in shock, oh crap. Mum's going to kill me." He grabs my arms and leads me towards the passenger side of the car. "And then Dad will probably resurrect me just to kill me all over again."

"But is that a yes?"

"Either way, I'm dead."

Jonathan pushes me into the seat and straps me in, before making his way around to the driver's seat.

"Is that a yes, though?"

He ignores me and starts up the car again before driving out of the school, though he's considerably slower than before.

"I'm serious, Jon! I almost died…"

"Ugh, don't say that," he flinches. "I'm sorry, I should've been paying more attention."

"It doesn't matter. My point is, will you take me to Australia?"

"Yeah, alright!" He finally groans out of exasperation. I can't tell if he means it or if he's just saying it to shut me up. I suspect the latter, but I can't find it in myself to care. I feel like I've just survived a battle and the adrenaline is still coursing through me.

"Brilliant," I grin, sinking back into my seat. "We can stop off in New Zealand on the way."

"Whatever," he says and then the conversation lapses into silence.

I don't mention the incident with the car to my parents, so the rest of the evening is much more peaceful than the other events of the day. Of course, that excludes the turmoil that's taking place within. I was hoping to talk to Jonathan more about what had happened with Jace, but their spat seemed relatively inconsequential in comparison to my near-death experience so I don't bring it up. It also doesn't help that he goes straight to his room after dinner and starts listening to his music so loudly, that I can hear it through his headphones from the other end of the corridor. If years of drumming haven't destroyed his eardrums yet, I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.

It's a Friday, which means we don't have to deal with all of the drama at school straight away, but it doesn't stop me from spending the entire weekend thinking about Jace. No matter how many times I try to block it out, I just can't erase the image of his face the last time I saw it. I can see it all too clearly; the way his shoulders were slumped in defeat, the way his eyes glistened from the moisture threatening to spill over and in particular, the way they looked at me.

It's not that I regret my decision. I spend every waking moment and some otherwise thinking about that argument. I wonder whether there was something I could have said to diffuse the situation or make the two of them see sense.

Then, I remember that this is Jace and Jonathan we're talking about.

They're two of the most stubborn people to have ever walked the planet. When they have their mind set on something, there's no changing it, so the best any of us could have done was react in our own way.

I chose my brother and even though it pained me to walk away from Jace, I know I did the right thing. At the end of the day, Jace was in the wrong. Despite the fact that he'd planned to steal the book many months ago, his actions directly led to Mallard Massacre being disqualified. If it were Jonathan who had done that and Jace had been devastated by it, my decision may have been different. Of course, the fact that Jonathan is my own flesh and blood would definitely complicate things, but in this instance it only strengthened my case. No boy would come between me and my family, no matter how much he meant to me.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to speak to him. I want nothing more than to explain that this hasn't got anything to do with my feelings for him. I left with Jonathan because he needed me. He may have a funny way of showing it, but I know my loyalty means something to him. I didn't, however, leave because I didn't want Jace. I'd gotten over what had happened with Ragnor the very night that I had found out because I realised I loved Jace too much for me to care about how stupid he had been. It didn't mean I didn't still think he was still an idiot, but he was my idiot and I would deal with that. This isn't about the book at all and I hope he knows that.

Things are certainly complicated right now, but this is by no means the end. It'll take a lot more than sabotage for him to get rid of me. Unfortunately, I have no way of telling him that.

He doesn't try to call me. He doesn't even text. I can tell he's just trying to give me some space – well, me and Jonathan – and I understand that. But that doesn't stop me from staring at my phone for hours on end, hoping it will do something. Anything. If there's anyone more stubborn than Jace and Jonathan, it's me, and I'll be damned if I'll make the first move.

The one time it does ring I almost fall off of my bed, but the name that flashes across the screen isn't the one I'm waiting for. Instead, it's Isabelle.

It's on Sunday morning, after Alec's finally stopped moping enough to tell her what's going on. I can't say I'm surprised it's taken him so long to speak to her - Jonathan's seemingly holed himself up in his room indefinitely.

Our conversation doesn't last all that long, but the phone call does. This is primarily because I spend so much of it sobbing while she offers me words of comfort and encouragement. It doesn't shock me that she'd be in agreement. Her situation isn't exactly the same as mine since she isn't especially close to Magnus, but despite being the younger sibling, she's incredibly protective over Alec and is livid at the betrayal. Even if she were stuck in my predicament, she insists she'd do the same thing. If she had ended up dating Jonathan – as she was so distressingly close to – and my brother had done something to upset hers, she says there'd be no question over her siding with Alec.

"Bros before hoes," she claims, much to my horror, though the sentiment is clear.

Either way, it cheers me up somewhat so that I can make it through to Monday in one piece.

Part of me is amazed that Jonathan is so calm when we're ready to drive back to school on Monday morning. He acts like it's just another normal day, though he's a little less conversational than usual. Apart from thinking he was being a bit cranky, no one would be able to tell that he had just gone through something as massive as losing his best friend. My parents didn't even question why the band hadn't practiced over the weekend, though that in itself is major.

However, there's another part of me that realises what's really going on. I've had seventeen years of practice deciphering Jonathan's moods and even the smallest actions or words are enough for me to know how he's actually feeling. It's when we're half way to school that I notice it.

He's driving below the speed limit.

For anyone else, this wouldn't be such a big deal. But this is Jonathan. This is crazy, reckless Jonathan whose awful driving is one of his main defining qualities. He's not unsafe as such, but he likes to push boundaries as much as he can and driving ten miles an hour below the limit is definitely not normal.

He's stalling for time.

Once I notice this, I begin to pick out other details. I notice how the whites of his knuckles stand out as he grips the steering wheel, trying to keep himself in check. He's not ready to see Jace yet, that much is obvious. I have English first period so it won't be long before I have to face him, but Jonathan and Jace are in the same tutor group. He'd have to see him at registration and right now, that's clearly the last thing he wants to do.

I notice where we are and make a split-second decision.

"Jonathan, pull over!" I yell, leaning forward in my seat.

"What? Why?" He turns his head only fractionally towards me, but the car already begins to slow. It'd take a lot longer to convince him to do this in any other situation – loathe as he is for me to be late to registration – but I know he'll welcome any distractions now.

"Just pull over! Now, quickly!"

"Why?" He asks again, though he does as he's told. He pulls into a side road and stops the car at the side of the pavement.

I don't answer him. I just get out of the car and begin marching down the street.

"Clary?! Where are you doing?" A few seconds later he's jogging alongside me. "Clary, what the hell are you doing?"

"It's an emergency," I say, though I don't give any more away. He pulled over a little later than I'd hoped, but the walk should only take a couple of minutes.

"We're going to be late for school."

"I told you, it's an emergency."

He throws his hands up and sighs but follows me anyway. He must be more desperate to stay away from class than I'd thought.

We round the corner that I've been looking for, turning into another small side street with a cobbled path. It doesn't take long for me to spot the place I have in mind and I finally come to a stop outside a small café.

"Clary?" Jonathan's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

"We're here," I announce, tugging on his scarf.

"This is your emergency?"

"Yep, I hear they make the best hot chocolate in the world."

Jonathan still looks dubious, but then his mouth lifts up at the corner with the hint of a smile and I know he remembers.

Once, when I was about eleven, Jonathan and I had been walking back from school together since the bus had broken down. He chatted the whole way, excited about making it into the school's football squad with Jace again but for once, I was the one who wasn't as enthusiastic.

Aline and I are now friends, but that hasn't always been the case. I was in my first year at the school and we hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot. She'd stolen my sketchbook during class and had ridiculed my drawings, saying they were childish and boring. I realise now that she'd just been doing it to capture the attention of some of the boys in the class, and wanted to appear like she was suddenly so mature because we'd started secondary school – I mean, no one actually ever grows out of Disney – but at the time it had hurt. I was beyond consolation from Simon and Isabelle, and Jonathan had noticed my mood, so he'd taken me to a little café that Sebastian had apparently discovered, claiming that it made the best hot chocolate in the world.

He was right.

I'd spilled everything to him as we sat and sipped at our mugs and where my best friends had failed, Jonathan had managed to cheer me up. As one of the 'older kids' he'd assured me that Disney was still very much cool and that if Aline couldn't see that, she wasn't worth my time.

Unfortunately, things changed between us not long afterwards in that Jonathan hit his teenage years and no longer thought it was cool to be seen with his little sister, so we'd never visited the café again.

Until now.

He follows me in and we let the waitress guide us to a table in the corner. The last time we'd come here we'd sat outside under a parasol, but the winter doesn't allow for that now. I order two hot chocolates without glancing at the menu, then look back at Jonathan. He'd helped me before, now it's time for me to help him.

"Alright, now talk," I say, holding my hand out.

"We're going to be late," he repeats, though with less force. He still looks hesitant, but there's something much more significant in the way he stares at me now.

"It's okay, you have a free period first, so you won't be missing much."

"How…"

"I got bored a couple of weeks ago so I memorised your timetable."

"Right…" Jonathan raises an eyebrow at me quizzically.

I decide not to tell him it was so I could see what time the classes he had with Jace were.

"So yeah, you have nothing to worry about."

"And what about you? What do you have first?"

"English Lit," I shrug, trying to be nonchalant but Jonathan understands. He nods as the waitress brings us our hot chocolates.

"You don't have to do this," he says, cupping his hands around the warm mug.

"It's fine, I'll just ask Aline for the work." Funny how the last time we were here, I spoke of her in a completely different context. The thought makes me smile. But then I realise the same could be said for Jace however, so my brief moment of joy fades.

"That's not what I mean."

"I know, but you're wrong. I do have to do this and more than that, I want to. I let you spend the whole weekend sulking, but it can't go on." It may take some more time for Jonathan to completely forgive Jace, but I'm sure everyone knows it's inevitable for them to make up. Jonathan-Squared won't fall apart so easily. I've just got to help speed up the process, for all our sakes. As long as Jonathan and Jace aren't speaking to each other, they'll both be miserable and that will have a direct impact on a lot of people. The other guys from the band will suffer and so will I. "You've slept enough on what you said now."

"Yeah," Jon sighs. "I have."

"And?"

"I'm sticking by it."

Crap.

"Sticking by what?" I ask, trying not to let my panic show. I take a sip of my hot chocolate to calm myself down.

"Everything I said, not only with Jace but with the band too. I'm just not in the right frame of mind for it anymore. Music is something I enjoy, it's an escape for me. But now? Every time I pick up my drumsticks, I'll think about the band. When I think about the band, I'll remember what happened. The day a competition became more important than our music itself is the day that Mallard Massacre was ruined. We're done. And when I think about that…well, I'll know it was because of Jace. He's the reason I've lost what I love. As long as music is a source of pain for me, I can't be around him."

With every word he says, the despair seeps in; the points he's making are so terrible because I understand. From what he's saying, it makes perfect sense for him to distance himself from Jace and I know he truly believes that. I'm even starting to believe it and that scares me. This really isn't just some spat between friends any more, this goes a lot deeper.

I still hold to the fact that they can't stay apart forever, but I realise now it will take time. Time that Jace and I may not have since he leaves school this year. So really, we need a miracle.

"Clary?"

"Yeah?" I look back up at him, snapping out of my dismal thoughts.

"Do you understand?"

"Yeah," I nod. "Yeah, I do."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Me?" Why is he asking about what I would do?

"I'm not going to stop you, whatever you decide. I may not be on good terms with Jace right now, but I'm not going to make you stop seeing him. Whatever happens between the two of us, you shouldn't be caught up in the middle. But then on the other hand, I'm not going to lie and say it'll be easy for me. I realise this leaves you in a pretty…awkward situation."

Of course it won't be easy for him. Isabelle and I had gotten it wrong. We could only truly understand everyone's predicament if we put ourselves in their position. If Isabelle were with Jonathan and she had done something to upset me, what would I want Jonathan to do? How would I feel seeing the two of them together? And really, who would I be more jealous of – her, for meaning so much that my brother would desert me, or him, for getting to spend time with my best friend when I couldn't?

I realise I can't decide. It would hurt me on both sides because I love them both.

As long as Jonathan feels like he can't be friends with Jace, then I can't be with him either. If he's going to hurt, I'll hurt with him. It's as simple as that.

"No," I say, gazing straight at Jonathan. "No, it's not an awkward situation because I'm not going to make it one."

"What do you mean?"

"You said you're sticking by your decision. Well, I'm sticking by mine."

"Clary, I don't want…"

"You're my brother, Jonathan, whether you like it or not. I'm not going to lie either and say it'll be easy for me to not be with him, but this isn't about what's easy. It's about what's right. Until Jace can fix this -"

"If he can fix this…"

"Fine, how about until you both get over this, I'm going to be just as stubborn?"

"You can't do that because of m-"

"Watch me." I drain the contents of my mug. It's a long shot, but if he knows it's affecting me as well, there's a chance Jonathan might forgive Jace a little sooner. Of course, this will also depend on Jace and how he's feeling, but it removes me from the equation completely.

I cross my arms over my chest as I wait for Jonathan to finish his drink. He's taking his sweet time, but I can tell he's mulling over what I've said. This isn't just about the two of them now. Obviously I'm not the only one who will be impacted by the aftershocks, but I'm certainly a major player and I've just made my move.

My part is done.

The rest is up to them.

So it's official, at least in Clary's head.

Clace will not happen until Jonathan-Squared reforms.

What did you think? Did Clary do the right thing, or are you still hoping she'd have gone with Jace?

The next chapter will definitely be interesting, since a lot of you will finally be getting what you've been waiting for: Jace's POV. Many of your questions will be answered and it'll be exciting for me as well to finally write from his perspective. Blondie's got a lot going on in there...

Thank you for reading and if you have any more questions about Jace, leave them in a review and I'll try to answer them in the next chapter. This is the only one you'll get in Jace's POV so if there's something you're dying to know, now's the time to find out.

Till the next time...

smim xx