Ugh…
They're still there.
The fans.
I love them…
But it's extremely annoying that they found out where I live.
I mean…
Well, I'll explain how they found me.
Us.
I threw Robbie into this too.
I was with Cammie, and we brought Sydney with us to go get coffee. Everything was good until I saw a flash.
"Oh my gosh…Cat Valentine! And Cameron and the baby!"
Which caused the room to look at us.
Fans swarmed us.
Sydney quickly became upset and cried.
Cameron tried to get people to calm down, but they kept taking pictures and before long Sydney was wailing.
We fled back home, not thinking 'Oh, they're going to follow.'
But they did.
And now my building is on the internet.
People are going nuts. They think Cammie is the father.
They also realized we're a couple, which somehow was a secret until now. The rumors died down after my album party, but now it's a constant trending topic.
And they think Sydney's his kid.
He had to go onto Splashface and say it isn't. He offered to say that it was his, but I didn't want to lie.
And now everybody knows that Cameron isn't the father.
But the firestorm has moved to where I live, and who is Sydney's father.
Stupid Jordan.
Robbie got thrown into the firestorm too when he went out the next day, taking Sydney with him so Cameron and I could hang out at home.
He immediately went to the parking garage instead of walking to his car from the outside of the parking garage.
I don't blame him for calling me and lighting into me once he got to his parents. I…I should have told him immediately after it happened.
When Cammie and I came in though, he was changing Sydney's crib sheets and blanket.
That's my fault.
Robbie's been great. I know he isn't happy about the current arrangement, Cammie sleeping with me and all in the 3 weeks since I came home, but he's been fantastic in keeping Sydney happy and healthy.
She loves him.
Everytime he comes into her sight she smiles.
She's a happy baby.
When I came home, I was surprised to see he has been sleeping literally at Sydney's feet, making sure she makes it thru the night every night.
I haven't even gotten to feed her at night. Every time she wakes up in the middle of the night he takes care of it.
When I came home I was expecting to not sleep much. But Robbie's taken care of her to the extent that I'm totally rested.
He's done such a good job that Cameron hasn't really known what to do.
He knew Robbie was living with me, but I think he expected Robbie to back down from the challenge of Sydney.
He boxed Cammie out.
I think you do that in Volleyball. You box people out.
He's let me help, but after dinner he always takes her for the night.
Letting Cammie and I watch TV and be a couple.
If you would have told me that I would have made out with Cammie for I don't know how long while not worrying about the baby, I would have told you that the psychiatry wing is on the 7th floor.
But Robbie…
I'm worried he's driving himself into the ground.
He looks exhausted.
He's been taking care of Sydney, essentially by himself for almost 2 months now.
I was worried he'd never talk to me again after Sydney was born and he moved out.
I saw the boxes in his room when I came home.
I was totally clueless. I didn't know that he had everything boxed up.
But Sydney's changed everything, and now I'm worried about him doing too much.
Every time I offer to give him a day off, he changes the subject and slips away.
I keep on letting his sideshows distract me.
I'm not dumb; he's not telling me the truth.
Something is bugging him. And he's channeling that into Sydney and taking care of her, rendering both of us useless.
I think it's Cameron. I never asked if he could come stay with me.
He didn't talk to me all day when he saw Cammie and I come out one morning after waking up.
I know he didn't like him being shirtless and me…not wearing much.
But he still served us breakfast, and then got Sydney ready for us.
That was before the crush of fans.
Cameron, Sydney and I went to the park that day. Sydney loved the butterflies. Cammie loved feeding her and seeing how vigorously she ate.
When we got back, Robbie went to give her a bath, handed me a $50 and said for Cameron and I to go out for dinner.
I was so excited that I totally forgot to thank him until we got back.
But he was asleep on his little bed, right next to Sydney's.
He blew me off the next morning when I said thank you. Handed me a cup of coffee, and then walked to his room to take a shower.
That's about all he does for himself. He keeps himself clean, looking nice and is nice to Sydney.
He hasn't even gone out to eat since I got here. Every time I see him eat it's either toast, eggs or a sandwich.
He's so devoted to Sydney, it has to be him compensating for something.
He lights up and is amazing around Sydney. So cheerful and smiling and loving on her. He usually backs off when Cameron and I are with her, which is nice of him.
I'm just worried. Worried that he's wearing himself out. I hope he knows how much I appreciate what he's doing.
All I want is Sydney to be happy.
I don't want that to come at the cost of him devoting every ounce of energy and happiness to her.
I think I said it earlier, but I'll say it again. He can't do this forever.
I know for a fact that he's lost weight since Sydney's birth.
Scale doesn't lie. I saw him at 175 before all this.
Since it's a digital scale that "remembers" it's last 5 weigh ins I checked it after Robbie took a shower.
That's when he checks in.
It said 151.
What guy loses 24 pounds in 5 weeks without being massively sick?
And did I mention the bags under his eyes? They look terrible.
To be honest…and I really don't wanna say this…
He looks terrible.
He tries to hide it, but you can't hide his level of exhaustion, even if Sydney can't see it.
I can.
Cameron told me that I should give him a week off. Tell him to go away and focus on him for a week.
I tried to tell him, but he ended up talking me into telling Cameron that we are the ones that should go away, but for a month.
I didn't even realize it until Cameron told me after we laid down to sleep. He laughed about it, saying he hypnotized me.
He's been telling me that I'm worrying too much about Robbie, saying that he knows his limits, and to trust him.
Ironic that he still doesn't even leave his phone alone with Robbie.
I know Robbie doesn't like Cammie. Cammie doesn't have a problem with him, just with how much he's removed me from her.
That's not the issue, Sydney knows I'm her Momma, and that I love her more than I love anyone or anything else.
She lights up everytime she sees me.
Just like Robbie.
I'm sorry if I'm not making any sense. I'm just worried.
Tonight he did it again.
It's Cammie and I's 6 month anniversary.
I don't know how he found out, but he gave me some money and told me to have a nice dinner.
We did, Cammie took me to a nice restauraunt downtown.
Splashface lit up with people asking if I took Sydney with us.
Nope. Robbie watched her.
"Ok…we're home…" Cammie smiled, quietly unlocking the door and letting me slip in.
I take my coat off, put in on its hanger and put it back into the side closet.
Before I can go check on Sydney, Cammie has me against the wall in a amazing, mind blowing kiss.
"Have you told him?" He breathed against my ear.
Oh yeah…
The reason why I'm so worried.
My label called a week ago, asking me to come in.
They want me to go on a 6 month tour.
And they want Cameron to come with me.
I really don't want to leave Sydney and compound Robbie's…I don't know what to call it.
But I've always wanted to go on tour.
I'd get to see my fans, who have supported me for years, and have made me a legitimate superstar.
Light the Magazine named me it's Teen Idol of the Year, and cited my amazing fans, who trended me 475 times worldwide last year.
I can't just up and leave…but I have obligations.
I have to go on this tour. Otherwise my label might not let me stay on for round 2.
I have to go.
Robbie's gonna kill me. Leaving him with my daughter for 6 months while I go have fun.
But I really want to go on tour.
I finally break away from Cammie and hug him.
"Baby Time I see. I'll see you in a minute." He smiled, then nipped at me neck.
"Uhh…stop tempting me." I smile.
"I'll tempt you when you close that door missy." He smirked, grabbed my butt then walked off quickly.
Good.
Now to the baby.
…
Something's wrong.
They're not there.
I peek into Sydney's crib.
Nothing.
Robbie isn't on his little bed.
Where are they?
I poke my head into Robbie's room, on the off chance they're in there.
Nope, just the boxes, that still haven't moved.
He was so close to leaving.
Physically, Mentally he's not here.
He's on Planet Sydney.
TV's on.
There they are!
Robbie's passed out on the couch. Sydney is on his chest, also asleep.
Awww.
She looks so peaceful.
I watch them for a second, him breathing, then her following.
He's got his hand wrapped around Sydney's body, making sure she doesn't fall off.
I think she fell asleep before he did.
Regardless, her little hand is clutching his shirt.
I should get a picture.
I pull out my phone and snap a picture.
But the flash went off.
"Shit!"
I glare at my phone, and then glance at the sleeping duo.
One of whom is looking at me.
"Why are you up?" Robbie asked, voice barely audible.
"I just got back. You should go to bed."
"Nah, I'm good." He said coldly, looking to see Sydney fast asleep.
"Robbie, you need to sleep."
"I'm fine. You're the one who needs some sleep." He replied.
"Robbie!" I say loudly, not happy at all.
Sydney jumped, her eyes shot open and she grabbed onto him.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
He shot into a sitting position and started trying to calm her down.
"It's ok…shhh…" He held her close.
Then he fixed me with a vicious look.
My body immediately responded to her cry.
I gotta hold her.
Make her stop crying.
Maybe she's hungry.
Suddenly my bra feels very tight.
"WAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Nice going, she's scared out of her mind." He said darkly, then kissing the top of her head and continued to coo to her.
"Let me—"
"No." He said harshly.
Sydney's cry got louder.
"But—"
"Cameron's probably waiting for you. You shouldn't keep him waiting."
"Robbie…" I say, feeling tears shoot into my eyes.
Nothing's changed.
He's as unreachable as he was before she was born.
He wasn't like this when he brought her to me in the hospital.
He gave his textbook answer as he stood up.
"I got her. Go to your boyfriend."
Then he fixed me with a brief glare then started pacing like Sydney likes it, trying to calm her down.
I stand there for what feels like forever. Long enough for him to look up and see I'm crying.
I wanna help.
Please stop pushing me away.
He looked at me for a few seconds, then walked into the kitchen.
I dashed to my room, where Cameron had the door open and his shirt off.
"What happened? Why's she crying?"
"I'm a bad mom!" I wail, then collapse into the pillow.
He sighed and closed the door behind him.