Yall are going to hate me! But this chapter and the next are some my personal favs.

His breath tasted like alcohol.

His dick felt huge rubbing against me.

His name was…Brain, Brandon, Berry I don't know.

I didn't want to know. I didn't care.

I felt like all I wanted was a beer in my mouth and a dick up my ass.

Drinking. Partying. Sleeping Around. That's what college students should to do. Right?

I didn't know anymore. Since Cory and I broke up a few weeks ago, I didn't know anything anymore. We were still roommates, but I didn't really sleep there a lot. I missed sleeping with Cory. I missed everything about being with him. Of course I wanted to be with Cory. But I couldn't have him.

So tonight Mr. What's his name was nibbling on my ear. I spotted Angela all in sliver about to walk by with a hunky guy. I quickly hid the beer behind my back. Of course I wasn't going to let her see it. Angela understood the idea of me sleeping around, but if she saw me drinking she slap the bottle down (and my face). Then she will give me a big lecture. She was a good friend. Too bad I wasn't.

She gave me a smile, "Hey Shawn would you be okay if I left? Are you covered?"

Mr. What's his name chuckled fingering my ass, "Oh he's covered. He'll be covered in something."

I turned back to her and nodded, "I think I'm okay."

She nodded with understanding and walked by.

"So" Mr. What's his name moved his lips around my neck, "Why don't we go to my place and fuck like crazy."

I shot down the rest of the beer. It made things easier. Then I kissed him. Yea, I kissed him, but I didn't kiss him like I wanted to kiss Cory.

%%%%%%%

I woke up naked laying next another stranger. I got up and gathered my clothes. He didn't even know that I left. I stopped by the dorm to get changed, and headed off to class. I wasn't out of control. I was able to wake up and act sober.

I was getting coffee with Jack when I heard Cory laughing.

"Don't turn around Shawn" Jack whispered.

I didn't listen to him. I wish I did. I turned my head slightly.

I saw Cory…talking to a guy. I bit my lip. I wanted grabbed this guy by the neck. I couldn't stand seeing my Cory flirting with someone else.

Cory checked his watch and smiled…oh his smile, "Well I got to go…so pick me up at eight."

The guy nodded. I wanted to punch him. As Cory walked away our eyes met. We stared at each other for a moment. I wanted to grabbed him and kiss him until we were out of breath. But instead I just nodded and said "Hey Cor"

He nodded and waved as he walked away, "Hey Shawnie"

I felt Jack patting my shoulder, "That must have been hard."

I shook my head, "I'm okay"

That was a lie.

Then my friend Don came up to us, "Shawn there's problem at the pool table."

"What?"

"This old dude is running the table like built it."

We looked over at the pool table.

"Oh my god" I gasped.

"You know him?"

"Kind of, he's my dad."

Dad was laughing playing pool with students around him watching like he was a lion in Rome.

Jack whispered in my ear, "Are you okay? We should leave?"

"It's okay Jack" I told him, "He's sober"

Dad's eyes seem light up when saw us. He dropped the cue, "Hey there, give your daddy a big hug."

He hugged me. It was strange, he rarely hugged me but when he did it was nice. It was kind of like hugging a teddy bear. He let go of me and then hugged Jack.

"What are doing here?" Jack asked.

Dad chuckled, "Well I said to myself 'Chet'. And I said 'what?'. You got a couple of boys you outta spend some time with."

I rolled my eyes, "So you got fired."

"Don't nick pick" He smirked, "So how about a tour of this fancy college."

%%%%

We had dinner at Steak and Studs. As I glanced at menu I realized that there no vegetarian options. And when I asked the waiter and got the "you got to be crazy" stare.

"Um…no" he answered.

"No tofu?"

"Toe what?" The waiter shifted his eyes.

That pretty much answered the question. I nodded, "Then I'll have a salad then."

"You want a potato with that?"

"Yea, with everything on it, well expect for bacon…oh go easy on the cheese."

My dad was staring at me confused, "What that all about?"

"Um…I'm a vegetarian now."

He slowly nodded, "Wow…that's something now. When did that happen?"

Here we go.

I bushed my hair back, "Since about a year or so."

"So how that goin?"

"It's good. It's not usually that difficult at places." I smirked.

He nodded again, and then change the subject. "So yall liking school?"

"Good, school is good." Jack replied.

I said nothing.

"That's good." Dad chucked, "Wow, my two college boys. So what are my Einsteins plan to do?"

"Well" Jack said, "I'm studying business." He looked over at me. "And Shawn is going to be a writer."

I gave him a dirty look. I didn't want dad to know that. I knew better that do open up to my dad. But I was rather surprised to see my dad smiling at me.

"Wow a writer, we got ourselves a Bill Shakespeare." He chuckled. "When is that start?"

I stared down at the ice in my coke, "It was something I just started doing ever since I was a kid…Turner really got me into it. I won like a contest or two." I shrugged.

"Wow lookie there. I knew living with that teacher was good for you. I would to see some of your work sometime."

I put my hand on my forehead. Half of my writing lately had been either about having sex with men (with a lot of imagery) or longing for Cory…both which I did not want to discuss with my dad.

"I don't think it's your kind of thing." I smirked.

"Oh, but I still want to read some, it's my boy's work." He said.

That actually meant a lot to me. But I didn't show it.

Dad and Jack made small talk until we got our food, which of course caused another oh so great chat with the waiter.

"T-bone medium rare. Sirloin well done…" then he smirked, "and your salad."

I gave him an eye rolled and tinkled my fingers, "Thanks honey" I smirked in my gay bitch voice.

As he left he mumbled under his breath, "Homo"

I quickly looked over my dad. He was looking down cutting his steak. Good thing, he didn't hear it.

"Boy this is good. So Shawn do you ever miss meat?"

I swallowed a bite of my food, "No dad, most of that's just fat and heart disease."

He took a few more bites, then he asked the question. The question.

"So you boys got any girlfriends?"

I dropped my fork and looked over at Jack. He was staring at me with the same afraid expression I was giving him.

"Um…no" I finally said trying not to laugh, "I definitely don't have a girlfriend."

It was a simple reply, with no need for further questions. That was smart.

Dad turned to Jack, "How about you Jack? You are seeing someone?"

Jack answer wasn't as smart and simple. He had an Eric.

Jack took a drink then a breath, "I am actually in relationship."

Dad laughed, "That's great. What's she like?"

"Um…" Jack started, "I'm with someone who makes me laugh, makes my life interesting...very interesting, and…who I know cares very much about me."

Dad nodded, "What's her name?"

Jack mumbled around for bit then got up, "I gotta to the bathroom"

I got up too, "Yea, I got to go to."

I went caught up with Jack, he standing at a sink staring in a mirror.

"Do you think now is the time…to come out to him?"

I chuckled, "No, come on let's not waste our time."

"He's our dad and if he's going to be staying around…"

"He's not staying" I cut in. "Trust me. He'll be gone again before we know it."

%%%%

After dinner we went to Jack's apartment.

"God I love beef" Dad laughed.

"You shouldn't have picked up the check jack." I told my brother, "He said it was on him. Why do you have to be such a show off?"

"He'll get in the next time" Jack stated,"How about it dad, every Thursday be Steak and Studs night?"

"I'm there" Dad said.

"It's not going to happen" I whispered sitting down on the couch.

"Hey guys" Eric called out walking into the living room.

"Hey Earl" Dad waved.

Eric bushed it off and walked up his boyfriend and over at my dad, "Hey Chet when are you leaving?"

"He's staying" Jack cheered as if he were a child on Christmas morning.

"Jack that's great." Eric sweetly said wrapping his arm around Jack, "You're get to spend some time with your dad...but lets hold off on doing Thanksgiving dinner...well unless we were making fried turkey, in which I'm in."

Dad chuckled and they high fived.

I couldn't take this shit.

"Hold on, he's not staying." I barked getting up, "He never has and he never will."

"Shawn what is your problem?" Dad asked.

I got louder, "I don't have any problems. Why would I have a problem? So why aren't you leaving yet?"

Dad shifted his eyes, "I'm…I'm just keeping my options open"

"That is so like you." Now I was yelling, "Over and Over again. You come in acting all nice and made all these promises. And just when I think we're going to get close and be happy. You take off again. Hurting everybody in your path. "

Making promises. Never being able to be happy. Taking off. Hurting people. That started to sound familiar. I look into his eyes. We had the same blue eyes.

"oh my god." I screamed "I'm you."

"What are you talking about?" He bit.

I was really yelling now, "I'm talking about the fact that I can't keep a relationship. I pushed away and hide from my friends. That I can never find any inner peace. That I can never just accept being happy. Because of you I hurt the man that I love."

He raised his eyebrow, "I did you just say man."

I was too angry that I didn't realize that. But I didn't fucking care. I was too mad to worry about it.

"Oh yea that's right." I yelled. "Since you had been so out of touch with my life, you didn't get the memo. I'm gay." I was yelling as loud as I could, "I'm gay. I'm super gay"

Then I saw my dad clutch his chest and collapse.