Chapter 37
Deep breath, dazzling smile, confident posture. Deep breath, dazzling smile, confident posture. I repeat this in my head over and over as Tripp and I walk into the Training Center. Before we round the corner, I hear talking and even some laughter. As soon as we step through the door though the entire room falls silent. And I mean dead silent. Every single tribute is sizing us up, staring us down.
"Hi everybody." I say in my best illusion voice as I loop my arm through Tripp's.
No one answers back but people resume their previous conversations after another brief moment of awkward silence.
"Guess they aren't a friendly bunch." I tell Tripp with a shrug.
He laughs and replies "Guess not."
We've been advised not to participate in any training whatsoever. Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta don't want us to give away any of our skill secrets to the other tributes. Not that we really have many anyway. I feel confident on survival but not much on anything else. And I have no idea where Tripp stands with any of his skills. Maybe I can talk to him a little, find out if he knows anything at all about what to do once we get in the arena.I assume he doesn't have any skills since town people never do. I still don't know if he plans to stick with me inside the arena or if he will venture off on his own. If he's going off on his own, perhaps I can teach him a few skills. Well, give him tips anyways on how he can try to stay alive as long as possible.
A training center official comes to the center of the room and gets everyone's attention. She welcomes us and explains how the stations will work and that we should try to divide our time equally amongst them. Everyone is free to move about the stations as they wish, intermingle with one another as we wish, so long as we don't fight with each other yet. All fighting amongst ourselves must be saved for the arena. You can tell by the routineness in which she says it all that this is the usual speech she gives every games. How sad is that, I wonder, to have a job where you routinely spit out a welcome speech to a group of 24 kids, 23 of which will be dead soon?
Tripp and I find a corner of the room and sit indian style on the floor, watching as the other tributes run around, vying for the best stations. As suspected, the tributes from 1 and 2 head straight for combat and weaponry stations. Once all those stations are full, the remaining few tributes head for survival skill stations. But not Tripp and I. We just sit back and watch, as we were instructed. No one has even noticed yet that we aren't participating. I turn to Tripp and start quietly talking.
"So, do you think it's smart for us not to train while we're here?"
"Probably. I mean, I doubt we'd learn enough in this short time for it to even be helpful, you know? Probably better just to let everyone think we're helpless."
"Yeah. I'm just thankful I had a head start with everything. I feel good about my survival skills but weaponry was a real disaster. I never did get the hang of any useful weapons."
"Really? I would have figured Gale or Katniss to have taught you how to defend yourself."
"They tried. Oh how they tried. I just wasn't strong enough."
"I think the way people will underestimate you is going to be weapon enough. No one is going to think of the pretty little blonde girl as a threat. And you seem so polished that they'll likely assume you not to have any survival instincts either."
"I don't know. I hope so. I haven't yet been able to wrap my mind around what it'll be like to kill someone. I'm secretly hopeful that everyone takes each other out before I have to worry about actually fighting or killing anyone."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I was sort of hoping that everyone would head for the cornucopia and battle it out while I escaped unnoticed."
"You think you'll be able to do it? If it comes down to it? To actually kill someone?"
"If I had too. I mean, if it was me or them and I at least had a fighting chance, I'd like to think I'd have the guts to go through with it."
"I can give you some tips you know. Tell you a few things that'll help you in the survival part of the games. If you want, that is."
"Guess it's time for another confession. I already know all about survival skills, Madge."
"What? How and since when?"
"Once you told me what was going to happen with you and the reaping, I thought it would be a good way for me to get to know you, for us to have something in common, you know? So I started reading books on survival skills. My cousin, he works for the railways, he'd send me any books he could find that he thought would be useful. When it comes to survival, I'm all set."
I stare at him open mouthed. "But you never once talked survival skills with me."
"I know, I know. I just felt stupid about it. I never figured out a believable way to tell you I knew stuff about survival without coming right out and telling you I was learning it just for you."
I smile and shake my head. "Well, I think it's great that you did learn all that. It makes me a lot less worried about you now."
"You were worried about me?"
"Well, yeah. You grew up very much like I did. All townie. Neatly pressed clothes. No hunger. No lack of comfort or luxury. I never expected you to have any of the skills you'd need for the games."
"Well, I have another secret too I guess."
I look at him, eyebrows raised. I cannot believe what he just told me and I can't imagine what else there is.
"I can use a weapon too. A spear."
"WHAT?" I exclaim almost too loudly. I glance around but no one's attention is drawn to us.
"Yeah. I taught myself. I took the fire poker from our fire place and practiced throwing it into these huge sacks of grain we have in the stockroom of our restaurant. I was a terrible shot at first but eventually got pretty good at it. So you see, I'm not the hopeless case you thought I was."
"I never thought you were hopeless. I just, I mean, it's only natural that…" I begin to apologize, thinking I have offended him but he cuts me off.
"No apologies needed, I promise." He laughs with a smile that lets me know everything's alright.
We let our conversation die down and spend the rest of our day making mental notes on our competition. We watch to see who's good at what and who's terrible. What people are speaking to what people. Trying to see if we notice any alliances forming yet. No one tries to talk to us though we are eventually noticed as not participating. One of the training center officials even comes over to encourage our participation but we play ourselves off as hopeless cases not even worth the effort of trying. It's clear who the victors are and who the newbies are. The newbies look lost and helpless. The victors, dare I say it, over confident? But perhaps it's just that they're comfortable here. They've all been right here before after all. To all of them, I suppose Tripp and I just look bored. That night, back in our quarters, we share dinner with Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and Katniss. The lavish amounts of food are welcomed. Pork Crown Roast, asparagus, creamy potatoes with butter, every type of dinner roll imaginable. Even in my short time in the seam, I've learned to appreciate the value a single meal can hold. It's actually refreshing to finally be able to eat like I did all those years as the mayor's daughter. Not that I'd trade living in the Seam with Gale for anything in this world. I wouldn't. I'd survive on one measly meal a day for the rest of my life if it meant living happily ever after with Gale. But, if I'm here and this food is before me, I'm choosing to eat until I can't hold another bite.
After dinner, Haymitch stumbles off, drunk from the red wine he downed with his dinner. Effie, Peeta and Katniss all retire to their rooms. It doesn't go unnoticed by me that Peeta slips into Katniss's room instead of his. Tripp and I sit around for a little while and then I have an idea. I want to see this spear throwing for myself.
"Here. Let's see what you've got." I tell him as I hand him the fire poker from the fireplace.
"What? Here? What would I throw at?"
"Red pillow, over there." I say pointing to a red, velvet throw pillow on the sofa.
"No, it'll ruin the pillow."
"You think I care about some ugly throw pillow?" I say with a roll of my eyes. I hold out the poker to him again.
He hesitates but sighs and takes it from me. "Stand back, okay?"
I scoot back against the wall and watch as he comfortably maneuvers the poker in one hand, raising it up, rearing back and launching it effortlessly across the room where it meets right in the center of the pillow, easily puncturing the feather stuffed pillow.
"Wow." I say, really in awe of what he just did. "Ever get your hands on a real spear?"
"No. I'm not sure what it'll be like either. I hope it won't be too awful different. Pretty sure they won't have fire pokers in the arena."
"Wait here. I want Katniss and Peeta to see this!" I say as I rush down the hallway to Katniss's room. I rap my knuckles on it gently, hoping I'm not disturbing them. Peeta opens it and looks at me surprised. "Come here! Both of you have to see what Tripp can do!"
They follow me back into the living area and join me against the wall as Tripp shyly retrieves the poker from the pillow and then crosses the room again. He prepares to throw and then we watch as once again the poker stabs right through another velvet throw pillow. He's definitely a good shot. I wish Gale was here to see this because he'll never believe me without seeing it.
"Where'd you learn to do that?" Katniss asks him suspicion all over her face. Peeta looks surprised but he doesn't say anything.
"Been practicing in my stockroom at home for a couple months now. Never used a real spear though so I don't know how it'll translate in the games." He says quietly, eyes on the floor. I can tell he feels embarrassed to have all of us watching him.
"Huh. Well I wouldn't have guessed you to have a skill like that. Anything else we don't know?"
"Yes! He knows all about survival too! He's been studying books on it!" I brag on his behalf as he shrugs to her question.
"I see. Good. Glad to know you're prepared. You should both probably get some sleep though." Katniss says sounding cautious though I have no idea why. Peeta hurries to agree with her, saying that we should get our sleep now before the games when we won't get regular sleep. We all nod and head to our own rooms.
Inside my room I plop down on the bed, puzzled as to why Katniss didn't seem more impressed or excited about what she just saw. I mean, how could she not be impressed? Anyone from 12 having skills like that would be something to take note of but even more so considering he's a kid from town. Town kids never, ever do well in the games. We just aren't conditioned for that sort of experience. So why the nonchalant attitudes? A knock at my door pulls me from my thoughts. I throw it open and find Katniss standing there. She walks right in, pushing the door shut behind her.
"We need to talk Madge." She says as she chews on her bottom lip.
"What's going on?" I ask as we sit down on my bed.
"You know how last year both Peeta and I were allowed to win? Well, they aren't going to let that happen again. There won't be two winners this year. You and Tripp won't be able to win together, only one of you can come home."
"I know all that. What's our problem?" I say, a little irritated at where I think she may be going with this.
"You're promoting him too much. We need you to focus on you. Worry about what you're going to do in the arena. Don't get so close to him that you won't be able to handle leaving him behind."
"Don't get so close to him? Are you kidding me? Tripp has been my very good friend for awhile now. It's not like he's some stranger. We're already close Katniss. Oh and let's not forget that he volunteered for to take Rory's place so I wouldn't have to be in there with my brother in law." I spit out at her. I cannot believe she'd come at me with this. Tripp has been a good friend and I won't treat him otherwise.
"And let's not forget I promised Gale I'd get you back home to him." She fires back at me. "Look, I'm not saying you have to be cold to him. I just wanted to remind you that there are mere days left in his life if you're planning on making it home. I'm aware his plan is to help get you home, however, I worry you're going to do something stupid like trying to save him to your own detriment." She further explains, less harshly than her first statement.
"He's my friend and I won't let that be forgotten. But don't worry, I'm fully aware that he's about to die and that nothing I can do will change that. Now if that's all, I'm rather tired and I'd like to get some sleep." I say coolly as I stand and open the door for her to leave.
"No, Madge. It's not that you can't do anything to stop his death, it's that you shouldn't do anything to stop his death." She says quietly as she exits the room.
I slam the door shut behind her. The rage I feel is crazy. Katniss is my friend and I shouldn't be so hateful to her. It's okay for her to worry about me. I know that. But I can't deny the rage I feel right now. I'm just so mad. At everything. The games, my mother, the Capitol, Snow. I'm just so, so mad. I pick up my water glass off the nightstand and hurl it against the wall. The sound of the shattering glass calms my rage but brings on the tears. I collapse into a heap on the floor, letting my sobs freely escape. My door opens and I hear someone come over to me. I assume it's an avox who probably heard me breaking the glass and is coming to clean it up. I don't look up and I don't stop crying into the carpet. It isn't until I feel a soft hand gently running over the back of my shoulder that I raise my head up and through blurry eyes see who it is. It's not an Avox. It's Tripp.
"Just leave me alone. Go away." I tell him through my sobs. I don't want him here right now.
"It's going to be okay. Don't cry." He says, still gently rubbing my shoulder.
"Tripp, I said leave." I tell him more hatefully than I want to sound. I just can't have him here right now. Can't let him comfort me. Because as much as I want him too, I know Katniss is right. I'm not at a point where I'm ready to leave him behind in the arena and I know allowing him to comfort me isn't going to help that any.
"Okay. I'll go. But if you change your mind, if you want to talk or even just somebody to sit with you for awhile, just let me know, okay?"
I nod as he gives me a sad, half smile and leaves, shutting the door behind him. I feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions with my emotions. One minute I'm excited about my tribute mate's skills, the next I'm full of rage, then I'm consumed with grief and now guilt at how I just treated Katniss and then Tripp. Am I going insane? Is this what it feels like when you loose your mind? Maybe so. It's the only thing that makes any sense to me right now.
An avox knocks then enters my room, working to clean up the shards of glass from my carpet. Before she leaves, she pushes several buttons on the keypad from the wall then leaves. Moments later, another avox brings in a tray with a pot of tea and tea cup. She sets it on the nightstand and then pulls my pajamas and robe from the closet and lays them out on the bed. She then goes into my bathroom and runs me a bath. Never once does she let her eyes meet with mine. She leaves, just as the other avox girl did, without a glance my way. I am touched by their kindness though. I pour myself a cup of tea and slip into the warm, welcoming and soothing water of my bath. As I sip the tea, my emotions calm and teas dry up. I take several deliberate, deep breaths and close my eyes. I have to control my emotions better. It's completely unacceptable how I'm handling this whole ordeal. A few weeks Madge. You just have to get it together and then hold it together for a few weeks and then this will all go away. All of this will go away and your life can finally be normal. I can do this. I have to do this. There isn't any other option.