Finding Yourself

Author:Nightstar Productions(Nightstar Fury).

Rated: Mfor Mature.

Pairing:Toothless & Hiccup.

Disclaimer:I do not own the HTTYD movies, Dreamworks Dragons series.

Chapter 37: I Want Answers.

He didn't know where the sudden depression had come from, well he knew where it stemmed from, he just didn't know why now of all times it would bother him. Toothless sat on his bed sighing, he didn't know what to do about it. Hiccup was helping Gobber with something. The rest of his friends were either working or had plans on their own. His siblings were at friend's houses, and his parents were working until 2 respectively. So where did that leave him? Hiccup said he'd come over when he was done, but he didn't know how long he'd be, and it was currently only 11am. So what, he sat there all day being upset until someone came along to distract him from his suicidal thoughts.

He'd been struggling with it since the day after his birthday, and quite a few times he contemplated cutting or worse. Even now, he was sitting on the edge of his bed holding his pocket knife and a wrist exposed. -Don't do it, Toothless. You aren't like this anymore. I'm asking you not too and you know the reasons why...If you can't control it, I will take over for a while...- Fury told him.

"Butt out, Fury...Its...eating away at me and I don't...know what to do." Toothless flicked the blade open and put it to his wrist. Then there was hesitation.

-Get your answers then. Don't bleed them out of you, go get them. You have a car and all the things needed to get the answers you want. So go get them, then bury the past to enjoy your future.- Toothless sighed closing his eyes, he shut the blade and slipped it in his pocket. Toothless then grabbed his wallet and phone from the night stand, he went in the drawer where there was a manilla folder. He got that and slipped on his shoes then left his bedroom.

"You're right, Fury." Toothless stated, it was true. He needed answers and he was going to get them. Making his way towards the garage he got his keys off the hook then got in his car, he buckled himself up then started the car. He pushed the garage door opener button that rested on the visor over his head, the door opened and he backed out heading on to the main road and finally the highway. He turned the blue-tooth on for his phone for music and if anyone called while he was driving. An hour in to driving and Hiccup called him, Toothless pressed the button on his steering wheel.

"Hey babe." Toothless said gently.

"Hey baby, are you driving right now? I can hear the purr of your Night Fury in the background." Hiccup giggled.

"Yeah I am. What are you doing?" Toothless asked.

"I actually just got to your house. Me and Gobber finished early, thought I'd come hang with you. Maybe go out for lunch?" Hiccup asked. "When are you due back, I'll wait for you." Hiccup said.

"I'm sorry babe, I left an hour ago and I'm...not currently in town. I won't be back until dinner...maybe later." Toothless stated.

"Wait...Where are...Toothless are you on your way to Bashem right now?" Hiccup asked slowly.

"Yeah..." Toothless responded after a minute.

"Toothless, damn it. I would of come with you...Are you hellbent and determined to put me in an early grave...Is that where you're going?...Your parent's cemetery?" Hiccup asked gently.

"And maybe the orphanage, I did...tell them I'd visit when I got my license...Don't worry. I'm okay, I have my knife...my car, and my phone. I'm not walking this time, and I'll leave before it gets dark. I promise." Toothless replied.

"I get the sneaking feeling that there is...more to this tip than just a visit. It's a 3 hour drive when you could of taken the train...It'll be...2pm by the time you get there, then what. Leave at 5 to get here by 8?" Hiccup asked him.

"I chose to drive because I wanted to clear my head..." Toothless started then he heard other voices in the background, great his parents were home early and some of his other friends showed up wanting to hang out too.

"Toothless Fury, you turn that car around right now and get home. I don't want you going by yourself." Lilly said quickly.

"Mom, I'm 17...I'm fine. I promise I'll be home no later than 10." Toothless sighed.

"And why do you need to clear your head by going to Bashem, you were fine when we left this morning. What's wrong sweetie...Is something bothering you?" Lilly asked.

"A lot of things are bothering me. Look you want the truth, and I know you have me on speaker phone so listen up. I've been really depressed the last week or so, I haven't told anyone because I didn't want everyone to worry. I got a few things to figure out and Bashem is the only place with the answers I need. I drove to clear my head, I promise I'll keep you updated and don't even think about jumping the train to beat me here...I need to do this. I wasn't going to but everyone was busy today, and I was home alone so instead of giving into depression like I used to...I left to clear my head. I'll be home in a while. I'll call when I get there." Toothless stated.

"What do...you mean give into depression?..." Toothless heard Fishlegs ask.

"You're the smart one, Legs..." Toothless sighed.

"Oh my Thor you were thinking about cutting weren't you!" Hiccup yelled, "Why didn't you tell one of us you were having those kinds of thoughts. Gobber would of let me leave right away, any of us would of come running baby."

"Will ya stop yelling...I was thinking a lot of things, I didn't have a distraction to keep my thoughts from wandering. I didn't want to have to call everyone away from what they were doing. I don't need to be rescued...I'll deal with my depression the way I always do. By clearing my head and getting answers to questions I've had for years. There are things I want to figure out...I'll be home by 10:30 at the latest. And I'll call when I pass Bashem County lines...I gotta go. There is an accident up ahead and cops everywhere...Love you all, and talk to you soon." With that he hung it up and he sighed heavily. They tried to call him back a few times but he ignored it and turned up the music.

(At the Fury House)

They were all standing around waiting on the call to answer but again they only got his voice-mail. "How did...none of us notice he was so depressed?" Lilly asked sadly.

"Toothless is pretty good at hiding how he feels. But still, we should of seen it sooner...You don't think...he was actually cutting this week do you?" Tyr asked.

"He said he went driving to keep himself distracted." Fishlegs said.

"No he said he was alone today and went driving to clear his head so he wouldn't do something. That doesn't account for all week." Astrid pointed out.

"What...would have him that depressed?" Cami asked.

"Could be a lot of things. Maybe the attack memories are bothering him again? He made mention that he had his knife first and then car and phone that he wouldn't be walking this time." Hiccup sighed.

"And he also said Bashem was the only place he could figure things out...Bashem was his home guys...I think...he might be homesick." Fishlegs said. They looked at him curiously.

"I think you're right. He said he was going to the cemetery, then the orphanage to visit the kids...And he's told us before that when he left his house after his parents died, there was a lot he wish he could still have taken with him. He carries a key around his neck, I think it might be the key to his old house..." Hiccup added.

"We did adopt him and move right away, and being 3 hours away all the time...I suppose it could be true. But he also said Bashem had the answers he needed...What did he mean by that?..." Markus said now.

"He wants answers about why his family never came forward to take him after his parents died." Ruffnut said firmly.

"And how are you so sure?" Hiccup asked.

"Duh, he made mention of it when he yelled at you that day. No one came forward, they only said they didn't want him and he wasn't their problem. He wants to know why. When we have so much time to ourselves, we start thinking about everything. Mainly the past." Ruffnut shugged.

"Gods I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner...Everything happened so fast for him that never had the chances to ask..." Hiccup sighed out sadly.

"What's he gonna do, go to CPS and–...He's gonna go to CPS and get information about where these other family members live...to ask them himself..." Lilly looked up at Markus.

"They won't...give him that information will they? Its confidential..." Heather asked.

"Toothless is a blood relative of them, and CPS has to give him information on his family. It's a law as long as he can prove who he. And we gave him his birth certificate, and social security number..." Markus said.

"And he has pictures of himself as a child, the one they took." Lilly added.

"And we can't go help him...Just like last time. I swear...if something happens to him..." Hiccup clenched his fists.

"He'll be okay, Hayden. We have to trust him, in order for Toothless to ever truly move on in life...He has to bury the demons of the past first. He said he'd keep us up to date so we'll have to wait it out. If he doesn't check in by 2:30...we'll catch the next train to Bashem. We won't wait around this time." Markus said firmly.

(With Toothless)

'I'll get my answers...No matter how long it takes.' Toothless thought firmly as he kept his hands on the wheel and eyes focused on the road. He was only 2 hours and 15 minutes away now. He was sick of wondering, he wanted to know why these supposed family members didn't want him. Surely he had aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents around Bashem and he'd find them find out why they didn't claim him when his parent died.

(2 Hours & 15 Minutes Later)

Finally he'd reached the Bashem CPS building. He parked in an open spot, and glanced at his phone. ::Just made it to Bashem. I'll check in later.:: After that he sent it and put his phone on silent, slipped it in his pocket, grabbed the folder on the passenger seat, then exited the car. He locked it and headed inside, after getting checked and on the right floor, he was grateful that it wasn't super busy but he'd still have a wait to meet with his caseworker well old one. Once he was in the orphanage, CPS stepped out of his life and he never thought he'd be back here in this building

(Fury House)

"Anything from him?" Fishlegs asked.

"Nothing. And he's not answering either." Hiccup said.

"Alright, we can't all take the train unless your parents say its okay." Markus said.

"We're cleared, already asked." Eret, Dagur, Ruffnut, and Tuffnut raised their hands.

"Same here." Astrid, Cami, and Heather added.

"My dad doesn't care as long as I tell him where I'm going and if I'll be home for dinner or not." Snotlout shrugged.

"We're good too." Tyr nodded.

"Then lets get going. We should be there in an hour." Lilly said. With that they all split in to different groups for the car ride to the train station and once there and everyone had their ticket they boarded hoping they got there before anything bad happened. "Where are we going to check first?" Lilly asked.

"Cemetery, orphanage, then CPS last...You two are his parents and he's still a minor. They can't deny you information about where he is." Hiccup stated calmly, well attempting to stay calm. He was worried about his boyfriend, Astrid put he hand on his shoulder smiling.

"I'm sure he's fine." She said gently.

"Until I know that for sure...I'll continue to worry." Hiccup stared out the window.

(With Toothless at CPS)

The door opened and the woman looked around, "Toothless Fury?" His head shot up as he walked over and inside the office with her. They reached a cubicle, Toothless sat down then the woman did around the other side of the desk. "I know you requested Elizabeth Green but I'm afraid she moved to another office outside of the Archipelago. But I'll be happy to help you the best I can. I am Daniella Johnson, so what can I do for you today?" She smiled brightly.

"Well, I'm not exactly sure how to start...I was...in CPS custody bouncing between foster homes for 4 years...between the ages of 8 and 12...Uh...I ended up in the orphanage until I was 16 and got adopted shockingly...But as for why I'm here...I know you guys keep files until a child turns 18 whether they are in your custody or not...While in custody here, my blood relatives came through refusing to claim me, to take me after my parents died...And I was hoping you could tell me where they are..." Toothless said being as straight forward as he could be.

"I see. Well I'll be needing your name when you were in our custody young man, and I'll see what I can find for you." The caseworker said. Toothless unfolded his birth certificate and handed it to her, then his social security card, finally his license to show his hyphenated name. He went by Toothless Fury but his legal name was still Toothless Doragon-Fury. The woman typed a few things on her keyboard then looked at him. "Yes, we have you right here. Looks like grandparents and an aunt was notified in the emergency contacts when your parents passed away. Now I'm not sure if these addresses are where they still are but I'd be happy to give it to you and hope for the best." Daniella offered.

"I'll take anything I can get...Thank you." Toothless smiled. The woman printed out the paper and handed him back his things. He put it all away before standing up.

"I hope you get the answers your looking for honey." She told him as he headed.

'You and me both...Here we go.' Toothless thought leaving the building and going to his car. He set his GPS to the first address, the one he assumed would be his grandparents if they were still there and he prayed they were. Toothless took a deep breath as he checked his phone, lots of missed calls and texts from his mom, dad, Hiccup, and other friends. Did they get his message he was okay? He checked the one to his mother and found it hadn't sent due to no service. Great, they'd be worried as hell now. He resent the message before putting the phone down and driving off to his next destination.

(Train)

Lilly's phone vibrated as she saw Toothless's name come up, she nearly broke down in tears which had them all worried. "Lilly for Odin's sake, what is wrong?" Markus asked.

"He's okay...He said he sent us a message 50 minutes ago but due to no service he never sent...He's okay. He made it to Bashem alright..." Lilly informed them. Everyone let out the breath they'd been holding in. "I'm calling him." She said but Markus stopped her.

"Don't...If he finds out we assumed he wasn't okay over a cell tower or lack there of and came here...He's not going to be happy and he's already dealing with enough...Lets just finish the train ride, and get lunch or something until his next check in. We don't know where he is right now and if we ask he'll know we're here looking for him. He's in a delicate mood already, lets not add to that..." Markus sighed. They all sat back nodding in agreement, they still had another 15 minutes to go.

(With Toothless)

He pulled up in front of the house and checked the mailbox number, 6 Robinbird Lane. Yep same address on the paper. But yet he couldn't see a name anywhere, he was looking for Doragon but saw nothing. Maybe they didn't live there anymore? Oh well, he was still going to try. He remembered as a child that they never saw family much for whatever reason, only major holidays like Thanksgiving, Easter, or Christmas. He took a deep breath and shut off the car, he stepped out after putting his phone in his pocket then getting the folder with pictures and documents to prove he was who he said he was. Toothless headed up the stone path to the door, he shaking reached forward and pressed the doorbell then stepped back to wait.

He was about to leave after 4 minutes of waiting when an older woman in her late 70's answered the door. "Hello, can I help you?" She asked.

"Um...Hi? Is this where...Jay and Rebecca Doragon live?..." Toothless asked.

"I'm Rebecca Doragon. Who are you?" She asked softly. Oh the Gods were on his side today, thank Thor.

"Who is it mom?" Came another voice, younger this time. Toothless recognized her, one of the women who came saying they couldn't take him. "We're about to do cake for dad's birthday. All the grandchildren are waiting." Said the woman again.

"Just a minute dear, there's a boy here asking for your father and I..." Said the older woman who confirmed herself as his grandmother. "Now, who are you and why are you here?" Asked Rebecca. He had been waiting for this since the day in CPS, to get answers so why couldn't he find his words? He sighed taking a deep breath.

"I'm Toothless Doragon. Son of Keith and Louise Doragon who died 9 years ago. I'm the grandson who got stuck in foster care, then an orphanage. And now I'm here to find out why my own family didn't take me in." Toothless said firmly. Both of the faces before him seems to turn to shock.

"Ho–how did you...even find us?..." Asked the younger woman.

"CPS told me. I've waited a long time for this, and since you didn't say I'm full of myself when I introduced myself then its clear you recognize me. Sorry to intrude on a birthday party...But then again, I know nothing of my relatives so how could I of known today was someone's birthday." Toothless shrugged.

"O–oh my poor dear...Please...come in...Come inside and let me get a good look at you." Rebecca said stepped inside, Toothless sighed softly and walked inside seeing everyone sitting around a table with a cake there.

"Late arrival to the party? Though I don't recognize him..." Said the older man.

"Ja–Jay...Its...Its Toothless...Its...Keith's son...He found us." Rebecca said shakily. The old man was up and on his feet right away to see Toothless.

"You were no higher than my hip last time we saw you, now look at you. Tallest one in here..." Jay said with a smile.

"I didn't come here for a reunion. I mean no disrespect here but I only came for answers..." Toothless stated.

"You must be what...17 by now, how'd you get here?" Asked the one who would be his aunt a little snotty like.

"17 as of last week. And I drove, didn't ya notice the car parked out front..." Toothless grumbled. "You can all stop acting like you're happy to see me, I know its an act...Just like my mother, I can smell bullshit a mile away. If any of this was real, then you would of cared 9 years ago when I needed someone to care about me. I only came here to find out why the lot of you didn't step up and take me when my parents died." Toothless asked coldly. He watched them sigh heavily and look down. "Don't worry, I got all day. I drove 3 hours from Berk to get here to do this..." Toothless added.

"Come s–sit down dear...There's a lot to explain..." Said one of the other women motioning to the couch in the living room, Toothless did so then looked at all of them, even the other kids who he assumed were his cousins of some sort. He waited years for this, he'd get his answers and finally be able to lay it to rest then go home and be with his family again, and never have to see these people again.