Chapter 37: A nice Evening

Note: As usual, thanks a lot to my beta Forest Angel for helping me with this chapter.

Also a big thank you for all the positive feedback in the reviews for the last chapter. I'm very happy you like the story and I'm especially happy that you took the time to tell me so ;) I hope you'll like this chapter just the same! :)

Disclaimer: CSI:NY and the associated characters are property of CBS, A. Zuiker and other people whom I have no connection to. This is fan fiction and not for profit…

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What happened so far…

After convincing Sinclair to grant him access to the Major Case files and the findings of the Bronx CSI Lab, Mac is working on the car combustion case alongside Stella. Mark Parker, head of CSU Bronx even brought the case files over in person. It seemed as if whoever had taken Mac and the others hostage at the hotel, might really be responsible for the car crashes as well. But they are now on the clock and have to find Baxter before more people die.

And now the story continues…

It was almost five pm when Stella returned from the scene that had taken most of her concentration today. She had been hoping to work the car combustion case alongside Mac for today but it seemed as if Manhattan had finally come out of its stupor and crime was once more flaring up. Sighing she left the elevator and stepped out on the tiled floor of the lab levels. The activity on the floor was still lower than usual but with more cases piling up on them now, this would probably change within a day or two. Looking to her left she could see several lab technicians being busy in the various rooms. For a moment she wondered how many of them were still working the Bronx's Lab cases. They had gotten a whole truckload of outstanding analyses from them. If they had to send over that many files to make time for Bryant Park they had to have a big workload over there.

Stella shook her head and turned towards the office across the hallway from where she was still standing. It was suspiciously empty and dark. Did Mac actually go home on time for a change? As good as this news was, she still felt strangely sad about it. Stella had hoped to see him again, even if it was just for a moment, to make sure that he was alright and really going home. She sighed and shook her head slightly. There was no use mulling over that. Mac was a grown up man and she couldn't be worried about him all the time.

Well, obviously she could but it wasn't her place to do so. They were friends and friends got worried about each other but not in the way she was feeling more and more often – especially during the last few days. Since she had seen Mac unconscious on the roof of that hotel she couldn't stop thinking how much worse this could have turned out. Okay, so he was alright now and he probably wouldn't feel any lasting effects from his little stunt up there… but still something inside her just wouldn't stop hurting.

A small laugh escaped her lips when she turned to her right. This was really ridiculous. As nice as the illusion was sometimes, she had to be realistic here. Mac was hopefully at home, having a nice dinner and then calling it an early night – just what the doc had prescribed. That thought was crushed though instantly when she finally faced her own office. With a few quick steps she was over there, practically tearing the door open.

"What are you doing here?" she snapped at the man currently occupying her chair.

"Waiting?"

"What for?"

"You?"

Okay, now this conversation was getting strange. Why the hell was Mac waiting for her in her own office. He could have done that just as easily in his own – on a much more comfortable couch on top. She frowned and crossed her hands before her chest. What was going on here?

"Mac, why are you not at home resting?" Stella finally huffed out. She couldn't hide the sigh from Mac this time. Throwing her arms in the air slightly, she let herself fall down on Danny's chair. "Don't tell me you want to convince me to let you work a double…"

Actually laughing briefly, Mac shook his head at her. "Nah. I promised, didn't I?" Stella just frowned at him, not sure what she should think of him being here then.

"So…? Why were you waiting for me?"

"I think it's my turn," Mac simply answered, his smile widening even more.

"Your turn?"

Seeing Stella frown at him, Mac's determination faltered for a moment. He had thought this to be a good idea but being faced with her irritation like this, he wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe he had interpreted her behavior during the last few days wrongly. He forced himself to keep smiling, so she wouldn't see his hesitation but his heart kept beating hard against his bruised ribcage. This was exactly the kind of situation he had tried to avoid over the years. So why had he been stupid enough to follow the sudden impulse to change something about this.

"Mac?"

Only when she snapped her fingers before his face did he realize that he had actually spaced out. "Sorry!" he quickly replied and tried to smile at her reassuringly once again. But he could see that it wasn't working anymore. Stella was worried again…

"Mac, what is going on here?" she inquired again, barely able to mask the sigh that escaped her.

"I'm sorry, Stella. I just… I thought… After the past three days... I mean… I wanted to invite you for… for dinner." He looked at Stella expectantly but she just stared at him, unable to say anything. "Okay… Usually that would warrant a reply of some sort," he carefully probed further when Stella hadn't answered him after almost a minute.

Then, suddenly it dawned on him. Just because she had said, she wasn't dating Walsh, didn't mean she wasn't seeing anyone else. And him expecting her to spend another evening with him was really a bit too much anyway. Just because they were friends, this didn't mean they didn't have a life outside of work and their friendship. Damn, how stupid of him to expect her to be single just because she wasn't dating Walsh! Really, how could he even think so? She was such a great woman, of course she was seeing someone.

Sighing he got up and smiled at her sadly. "Sorry… I… should have expected…" And now he was stammering again like a damn schoolboy! How much more could one man embarrass himself anyway? "Just forget I asked."

He was just turning to leave, when her hand shot out to hold him back. "Wait! I'm sorry, Mac! I was just… I wasn't really expecting this."

Mac frowned and shook his head. "What? We've had dinner before?"

"Yeah… but not three days in a row. I thought…," Stella stopped. Okay, so what had she been thinking? She had thought he had gone home and rest but instead he had waited for her to invite her for dinner. That was… sweet, actually. Sweet enough to make her cheeks warm at the mere thought that this could feel like a date on some level. Well, of course she couldn't tell Mac that but he didn't have to know everything about her fantasy, did he?

Mac on the other hand didn't know what to think of her sudden outburst. For the first time he noticed that this seemed to happen to him more and more often. When had he lost his ability to read her?

"I would gladly have dinner with you," Stella suddenly answered, her voice happy and clear all of a sudden. She stood up and walked over to him, her hand coming up to lightly brush against his upper arm; a motion she had done so often during the years. But somehow it started to feel different now, more… personal. Shaking her head slightly she kept smiling at him. No, that was just her and she'd better stop this before Mac got more wrong ideas about the reason behind her reaction.

"You would?"

"Of course I would!" Slapping his arm she laughed at him and then pulled him towards the door. "Do I get to chose or did you have anything particular in mind?"

"Actually… actually I was thinking of cooking." Her raised eyebrow made him smile in return. "Hey, I can cook! I just… normally chose not to."

It was outright impossible for Stella to resist the boyish grin, Mac was throwing her way. Even if she had actually been mad at him that would have vanished instantly upon seeing him like this. Her heart was almost melting at the sight. "You mean, you can cook anything besides your famous chili burgers?"

Pretending to be hurt, Mac stumbled backwards, his hand clutching at his heart. "You dissin' my chili burgers?" When Stella laughed out loud at his antics, he joined her though; elated to know that she hadn't refused him outright. But he still wasn't sure if it had been the right move to ask her in the first place; after all, Stella hadn't agreed to have dinner with him tonight yet.

"You sure, you're up to cooking though? You're supposed to rest and our shift ended a while ago..."

"I'm fine, Stella. Don't worry." Stella's eyes thinned and the frown on her forehead was a telltale sign that she didn't believe him. "Really. Stop worrying so much," Mac reprimanded her. He couldn't keep his voice straight though and instead had to grin at her again. The warm feeling from being the center of her worry returned once more. He felt happy and guilty at the same time. While he never wanted her to be unhappy, he knew that her worry was also a sign of affection - and that was something he was craving these days; even if he it was the wrong thing to do if that affection came from one of his subordinates.

Stella smiled back at him, shaking her head slightly. "I'm always worrying about you, Mac." He smiled back at her although he could already feel his insides seizing at her words. "We're friends..." All of a sudden it got much harder to keep the smile up. Right. They were friends; he wasn't supposed to feel this strongly about her; to want her company this much.

But over the last few days, he had gotten used to spending that much time with her. Maybe it was stupid because it was just two days and he had spent much more time with her before but... his new apartment seemed empty all of a sudden. In his old place he had had at least some memories of days not spent there alone - as unhealthy as they might have been. His new home didn't hold any memories of this kind. And although it was probably highly inappropriate, he couldn't think of anyone better than Stella to create new ones; to have something he could come home to and imagine – even if it could never be more than a fantasy granted their professional relationship. He swallowed the sorrow that was starting to pile up inside him, still staring at her; not sure what to say. No way, could he tell her that he didn't want to be alone; at least not today. And if he was honest for just a second, he didn't want to be alone any other day either. Wasn't that the reason he had moved to this new place after all?

"Right," he finally answered, nodding and still keeping the fake smile up. "So... no dinner tonight?"

"I didn't say that," Stella answered laughing, shaking her head once more. She could see his eyes spark up again with something she would normally call hope but how could that be? It was absolutely ridiculous that Mac Taylor was afraid of being alone at home. She widened her smile and saw the green sparkle up in his eyes, giving them a warmer, contenting tone. Grinning mischievously at Mac she finally put him out of his misery: "You know I like to live dangerously, so I might as well try out your cooking."

"Hey, it's not that bad! You'll be surprised!"

"I'm sure I will be." It was good to see Mac smiling for real again, Stella couldn't stop teasing him a bit more. But she knew her words wouldn't actually hurt him, on the contrary. If anything he seemed to be relieved; although she wasn't sure why that was so.

Shuffling from one foot to the other, Mac looked even more excited. Gone was the tired stance from just two days ago. For a moment Stella wondered if he was actually feeling that well or if he was pretending - for her sake. She didn't have time to think about it for long though because Mac seemed to be in a hurry to finally leave.

"You finished here?"

She nodded and smiled back at him. Stella wasn't sure if she was imagining it, but she could have sworn he breathed in relief once more. Shaking her head, she dropped that thought quickly. No, that was just her imagination going wild. "Let's go," she encouraged, laughing lightly and put the file down, she had brought back with her. There was still some paperwork to finish on it, but she could do that tomorrow. Besides... it was her boss taking her home, so he could hardly blame her for it later.

Smiling about that thought she followed Mac over to the elevator and together they went down to the parking lot. Without further comment, Mac gestured for her to go back to the departmental SVU she had come in with and she nodded in acknowledgement. Since Mac was already rounding the vehicle to get to the passenger side, she took the hint that she was supposed to drive. For a second his silent order stabbed once more at her insides but she shoved it down quickly. He had said he was fine and she was willing to believe him. The fact that he didn't fight her for driving rights as usual was hopefully more for comfort reasons than actual fatigue or pain; the doubt that remained though.

Stella was close to asking him again if he was alright but she managed to stop herself before she actually asked the question. By now, Mac was probably getting tired of it anyway. So even if he felt tired or exhausted, he probably wouldn't tell her so just to keep the appearance up. She sighed silently and put the car into drive. During their upcoming dinner she would have enough time to make sure he was okay. Maybe it was an even better idea to keep an eye on him and make sure he got to bed on time instead of doing more research at home. She blushed at the idea of bringing one Mac Taylor to bed. That was an image she definitely shouldn't indulge in for too long or he might actually see something she wasn't willing to show anyone just yet.

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Dinner turned out to be delicious and when Stella was finally sitting on Mac's couch later this evening, she had to admit that she had underestimated his abilities in the kitchen. Stella had watched him prepare the chicken curry and noticed approvingly that none of the spices he used were newly bought. Instead, he seemed to use them quite regularly. When had Mac started to cook this often? Once more, she had wondered if there was somebody in his life he shared this little talent with but she shoved the idea away quickly. Shaking her head slightly so that Mac wouldn't notice, she decided that she neither wanted to know nor had the right to ask him. It was bad enough she had gotten this... uncomfortable feeling with the idea of Carter being a part of his life; she definitely didn't want that it to return any time soon. Besides, she doubted he would have invited her over if there was somebody else he'd rather share his evening with. Blushing she had turned away from him and the kitchen and opted to go in search of a nice bottle of wine.

Mac had noticed she was feeling uncomfortable about something but he didn't dare asking. Gladly, as soon as she had found a bottle of nice white wine that would go well with the meal he was preparing, she seemed to be more content again – so he didn't say anything about her having to drive back home when she poured them two glasses. To be honest, he wouldn't mind her staying anyway. That thought had warmed his insides in a way he still wasn't sure about but he enjoyed the feeling too much to ignore it or even push it down again. Being here like this felt familiar and... right somehow; even if he knew it wasn't really alright and he shouldn't enjoy it that much. But for this evening, he just wanted to be her friend and not her boss - and thankfully Stella seemed to feel the same way.

So they regained the easy rhythm they had shared over the last eight years and kept going at it - always dancing along that fine line, never crossing it although they both knew it was there.

By now, dinner was long gone and they were sitting contentedly on the couch, watching some old movie and enjoying each other's company even more. Stella was on her third glass of wine, knowing that she was at least one glass beyond the limit at which Mac would normally let her drive. But to be honest, she was already opting for a fourth one, just to make sure it was okay for her to ask if she could crash in his spare bedroom instead. Telling herself that she was just worried about Mac and wanted to keep an eye on him did help in convincing herself that she wasn't doing this for her own sake.

Mac on the other hand didn't even think about how much to drink his partner had already had. He was just glad to have some company during the evening. So he practically bathed in the feeling of a warm body besides him; her arm brushing lightly against his and sending a shiver through him every time they touched. The movie was actually quite boring and he normally would rather read a book than watch TV. But reading a book wasn't something he could do with her together, so in the end the change in routine wasn't that bad. After a while, he could actually feel his brain closing down for the night; the fog around his thoughts getting thicker and thicker and his eyelids getting heavier with every passing minute. He wanted to give in to it because he knew his body was only demanding what it needed most; but on the other hand, he didn't want her to go home just yet - something he unfortunately couldn't tell her. Trying to stifle a yawn, he slid down further on the couch; the pull of sleep getting even heavier in the half-darkness of the room.

Stella could feel the body beside her shift and when she glanced sideways, she could see him fighting sleep and instantly reprimanded herself for keeping him up like this. They were due for shift in the morning and Mac was still recuperating from his stunt at the hotel. It tore at her heart to see him fighting sleep just to accommodate her own need to have his company. Hadn't she told herself before she just came over to make sure he got some solid food and early rest? Now it was her keeping him up! She sighed inwardly and gently pushed her arm against his to pull him back from his advancing slumber.

"Hey," she whispered. Mac wasn't sure if it was his imagination or if her voice actually sounded that tender. Maybe he was already sleeping. "Come on, Mac," she tried once more, voice still low and quiet.

Sighing Mac shook his head. No, it was too early. He didn't want her to leave just yet. But he had to admit he was really tired and due to his strange position on the couch, the dull throbbing in his ribs had returned as well. Unfortunately, he knew neither problem would be solved anytime soon unless he actually moved.

"I think it's time for you to get some real rest," Stella whispered and helped him up.

Again, Mac didn't reply. Maybe some part of him hoped she wouldn't leave if he just didn't tell her to; maybe he was just too tired to get his brain into gear and form a coherent sentence. Whatever it was, the next thing he knew he was crashing down on his bed. Somebody was pulling at his shoes to take them off. Hopefully it was Stella or this was one strange dream he was having.

"'m sorry," he mumbled, sleep tugging harder and harder at him.

"It's okay Mac, you need some rest."

Mac nodded briefly but his eyes were way too heavy to open them again. Hadn't there been something he wanted to tell her? Damn, he couldn't remember.

Looking at her partner, already dozing off, Stella could feel the knot in her stomach tightening. Sometimes it really sucked that they were on the same chain of command. There were days when she wondered what might be if they weren't. Maybe nothing would ever have happened between them anyway. But deep down she knew that it was a tempting thought – maybe too tempting. Carefully she brushed a strain of hair from his forehead. Thankfully it didn't feel unusual warm to her touch. Good, so he wasn't running a fever.

Not that she had expected him to.

Suddenly Mac turned to his side, taking her by surprise. Only when he curled up a bit more did she realize that he hadn't woken up but was indeed finally getting some much deserved rest. Hopefully he would sleep through the night. Sighing quietly she cautiously watched his lips part slightly between each breath he took. Was he still having nightmares; still waking up after only an hour or two of sleep? If he was, what were they about?

Her eyes wandered from his sleeping form to the empty spot on the other side of the bed. The by now familiar stabbing to her stomach returned when she asked herself how often that spot was occupied; wondering what kind of woman Mac might give his heart to once again. Carefully she extracted the comforter from below her partner and pulled it over him. It still pained her that his last honest try at a relationship with Peyton had failed so spectacularly thanks to the ME's cruel method of ending it.

Stella shook her head and forced herself to stand up. Mac's relationship with Peyton had only proven the point that relationships at the lab wouldn't work – not for Mac and not for her either. He was the teams supervisor and she was his second in command. They both had responsibilities and those had to come first. A relationship with a subordinate would sooner or later lead to problems. Peyton's inability to accept certain decisions Mac had taken with his work was only one example. Slowly she stepped away from the bed, glancing one last time at the slumped frame of her partner. She was almost out of the door, when she heard a quiet sigh waft over to her from the bed.

"Stay?"

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He woke up with a start, his heart beating furiously, every beat pushing painfully against his tender ribs. Groaning, Mac turned on his back and breathed heavily against the pain. Damn, he really should stop sleeping on his stomach – definitely didn't go well with bruised ribs! After a few controlling breaths he had the pain reigned in and feel his heartbeat slowly returning to a more healthy rhythm. What the hell had woken him up? Still confused he looked around and noticed that his blinds weren't closed and the outside still dark.

Mac sighed and tried to get up but the pain in his ribs spiked instantly, so he let himself promptly fall back. Several deep breaths later he had the pain under control again. When he tried to get up this time, he took more care not to aggravate his ribs any further. Sleeping on his stomach was a really bad habit; one he should try to shed at least until his ribs were better. Only when his feet hit the floor did he realize that he was still dressed in his jeans and a sweater. For a moment he frowned and it took him several seconds to recollect how he had gotten to bed. But then he remembered having Stella over for dinner and them sitting in front of the TV. He must have dozed off but that still didn't explain how he had managed to get to bed. Unlikely for Stella to carry him over here.

Laughing briefly he shook his head. Well, that would have been a sight some of his colleagues would probably pay money for to see. Carefully he got up and walked over to the en suite bathroom. He should at least change into something else and then try to get back to sleep. Checking his watch he noticed that it was already three am, so definitely not the time to call Stella and make excuses for falling asleep on her.

He scratched his head and frowned once more. He didn't actually fall on her while falling asleep, did he? Nah, he was pretty sure he would never had made it to the bed if he had given in to Morpheus' pull while still sitting on the couch. He had woken up one too many times with a stiff neck and the TV still running to believe otherwise. It was more likely, she had somehow convinced his half asleep self to get to the bedroom and lie down there.

Looking at his feet, clad only in his black socks, Mac wiggled his toes. He hadn't taken off his shoes himself, had he? Aw damn, now she had actually started to undress him! How much more embarrassing could this get? He should definitely get her some breakfast for that! Carefully sliding his hand over his chest he noticed once again that his shoes seemed to be the only thing missing of yesterdays outfit.

"Thankful for small favors," he whispered and shook his head at the reflection in the mirror. "You should really get your head together, Taylor."

A warm and relaxing shower later he slowly shuffled back into the bedroom. Contrary to other nights he could feel his body's demand for sleep return and he was glad to give in to it once more. Crawling under the comforter he pulled it up to his chest; this time opting to not roll to his side. He would only end up on his stomach otherwise. Sighing Mac stared at the ceiling; for a moment actually resisting sleep and instead listening to the sounds from the streets below.

Slowly he turned his head to his right and stared at the empty side of his bed, wishing as so often that there was somebody lying there. His arm sneaked out and slowly the back of his hand slid over the soft material of the sheets. He still missed Claire, but even more so, he missed the feeling of not being alone.

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An all Mac/Stella chapter… wasn't planned like this and definitely more sappy than what I had planned for them at this point. But this chapter just didn't want to behave and I… well I didn't really resist either. So hope you liked it anyway! Next chapter's going back to the case *g*.

I don't know how common the expression is in different parts of the world, so just in case it's uncommon where you're living: Morpheus is the God of dreams and not some guy from the Matrix who's posing as a CSI in another show ;)