Chapter Thirty Seven

"God, Lizzie is getting on my nerves." Sam said, aggravated, when he hopped in my truck. He glanced at me and managed to smile. "Thanks for the ride."

"Sam, we haven't left the driveway yet." I pointed out, smiling.

Sam looked at his house and then around the moving truck. "Where's Lizzie?"

"Not in here." I said and then looked at him slyly. "Yet."

Sam nodded in thought and then looked at me. "I tried to tell her about what I wanted and she totally freaked out."

"You told her that you wanted to be changed?" I asked, surprised. I had asked Lizzie if she wanted it for Sam, but it was Sam who was being changed. If anything, I should have asked Sam first even though he had made it clear. Chagrin made me blush.

Sam eyed me. "Why the sudden pink undertones?"

"I know, I know," I said, pouting playfully, "albino Bella can blush. Surprise."

Sam smiled timidly. "It's cute. You should blush more often."

"I'd rather not," I said honestly and stopped at a red light. "Blushing too much can actually pop blood vessels."

The smile disappeared from Sam's face. He gazed at me for a moment, completely taken aback. I watched the realization dawn on his face when he caught on. "That was a cruel joke." Sam said and then nudged me. "I actually took you seriously."

I reached around for Edward's cell phone. "Here, let me call one of my soon-to-be doctor friends and ask them for you."

"Ooh." Sam said, "a soon-to-be doctor is a soon-to-be one of my friends. Who are they?"

I decided to give him a first name. "Tyler."

Sam nodded and grinned. "A doctor named Tyler. Sweet." He grinned in delight. "Maybe we can be friends."

"I don't know," I said cheerfully, "he hates smoochers."

Sam pretended to be disappointed. "Bummer. We could have had something special."

I started laughing and shook my head. "I hope blushing too much doesn't pop blood vessels."

"Yeah, that would suck." Sam said and looked out the window. He suddenly looked at me. "Yay."

"Yay?" I glanced at him.

Sam's blue eyes started glowing. "You're driving."

I looked at my hands on the steering wheel. "Oh, yeah, um. . . Yeah."

Sam grinned warmly at me. "I knew you had it in you."

I shrugged and smiled. "It took me a long time."

"But here you are." Sam said and then he looked at the truck. "Sorry about the wreck. I don't think I apologized."

"You're fine," I said soothingly. "It wasn't your fault."

Sam looked at me in an odd way and he turned his head to the passenger window. I looked at him before driving again.

Had I upset him somehow? "Sam?"

Sam swallowed. "Thanks for telling me that."

I smiled at him, knowing he wouldn't see the pain in my smile. "You're welcome."

I looked around when I pulled into my neighborhood. I had no idea where Lizzie lived. "Sam, I need your help."

"With what?" Sam asked, looking at me. His blond hair was unruly today in a normal human way. He looked like he had just gotten out of bed. I caught myself staring and Sam asked, self-conscious, "Something in my hair?"

"No, um," I said and scowled at myself. "Where does Lizzie live?"

Sam's blue eyes raked the houses and then he said, "Make a left."

I obeyed and looked back at Sam. "How are you?"

"God, Bella, not you too." Sam groaned. "I'm going to get plenty of that when Lizzie hopes in."

Something made me pull over. I cut the engine off and turned to Sam. "Are you mad at Lizzie?" I couldn't imagine anyone being mad at Lizzie.

Sam looked at me and defiance filled his eyes. "Lizzie doesn't know that even though I'm dying, I can still make choices."

Understanding made me frown. "She told you 'no'."

"The hell she can." Sam glowered at the dashboard. "My life, my choices, and if I have a say in it, my lifespan."

I felt bad for him. "Why did she say 'no'?"

Sam looked at me and started rambling. "Lizzie wants me to die human, I'm guessing that's why. She told me that once I'm changed, she said I'd want blood all the time. I'm assuming part of that is true. I like to think I'll still be myself somehow."

I listened to him and spoke. "What if you're not yourself?"

Sam gave me a somber look. "There's no way in hell I'd do something that would keep me around longer only to wake up a complete stranger afterwards."

Sam was stubborn just like Lizzie. "What would you tell your mom?"

Sam looked sheepish now. Poor guy was having mood swings. "Is it bad that I've thought it through?" I shook my head and encouraged Sam to go on. "I would tell her that I'm going to this facility that thinks they have a cure for cancer."

Before I could ask anything, Sam kept going. "They're not well-known because they don't want to be the talk of the decade in case it doesn't work out. I'm going there to try and get my cancer cured."

I frowned. "Why would you tell her that?"

Sam answered my question. "If Lizzie's right, and I'd want blood all the time, there's no way I'd want to be around my mom. I'd tell her all of that to give myself time to refocus. Life is what I want, not blood."

I nodded and found nobility in Sam's words. "When," I said 'when' because I knew Sam could get a hold of himself, "you refocus and you can see her, what would you tell her about what happened?"

Sam looked at me and said, "I don't know what vampires look like except for Victoria." Puzzlement crossed his face. "Do they all look like her?"

Right. Sam wasn't me. He didn't know some things. I filled him in. "Vampires are pale, like Victoria. Alice told me that their eyes are red at first, but if you feed off of animals, they'll turn gold."

Sam's eyes dimmed as he processed my words. He suddenly frowned. "Aw, but Bambi's descendants. . ."

I started laughing and covered my mouth with my hands. "Sam, this is serious."

Sam nodded, saddened, "I know, but poor Bambi. . ."

"Sam!" I started laughing harder and tried to be serious.

"Okay, sorry," Sam said and his eyes glowed at my laughter. "So I'll be pale, somehow paler than my albino chauffeur, and have gold eyes eventually."

Sam called me his albino chauffeur. Great, I thought in amusement. "Your voice will change and you'll be faster."

Sam smiled. "A voice box operation and faster reflexes. Okay."

I racked my brain for more. "You'll see better too."

"No more glasses!" Sam cheered.

I frowned at him. "Sam, this is serious. You'll live forever, long after me and Lizzie and your mom. You'll be alone in just a few decades."

Something in Sam dimmed and he frowned. He looked at me and then out the dashboard. "Oh." He said, his voice low. He seemed unprepared for what I had told him. I felt remorse make my heart twist.

"Sorry," I apologized sadly, "I should have said that better."

Sam shook his head. "You couldn't have told me better." He said and his sad blue eyes went to me. "It's true."

I had rained acid on Sam's parade. "Do you. . . Do you still want to try?"

Sam seemed uncertain. "Not if Lizzie and my mom and you won't be with me."

The first two made sense. "Me?"

Sam nodded, "Yeah," and said nothing else on it.

Someone knocked on the driver's window. I turned to the right and saw cinnamon eyes peering at me. I unrolled the window and said, "Hi, Lizzie."

Lizzie smiled and brushed red-gold strays from her hair. "I got your call. Mind if I hop in?" I don't know why she asked. You'll be forever playful, won't you, Lizzie?

I glanced at Sam to see him rubbing his temples, either preparing for something or trying to calm down. When I looked back at Lizzie, I saw her cinnamon eyes dim while the smile stayed on her face. She had been looking at Sam too.

I made myself smile and said, "Sure."

I busied myself with looking at the tomato sauce. I glanced down the aisle to see Sam walking past me. I thought to Lizzie who was waiting in the truck. She had been out running and she was probably sweating profusely in the truck. I had left the keys in the ignition and the air conditioning was on full blast. All in all, I hoped we wouldn't come back to find her succumbed to heatstroke.

She hadn't wanted to come in with us, another thing that clued me in. If Sam wasn't mad at Lizzie, then Lizzie was mad at Sam.

I gave up looking at the fancy tomato sauces. I was cooking spaghetti tonight with what I had. I rubbed my eyes and walked down the rest of the aisle. I found Sam looking through the ointments and I started laughing.

Sam turned his head to me, blue eyes curious. "What?"

I swallowed my laughter. "Are you looking for the spray tan?"

Sam smiled tightly at me and beckoned me closer. I looked at his cart and put my hand over my mouth. Sam smiled.

"That's enough for you, me, and Lizzie." His words made my stomach start hurting with laughter.

I shook my head, laughing and glanced at Sam's cart. "I thought you needed toilet paper."

Sam suddenly gasped, smiling widely. "You're right!" He began to walk down the aisle, muttering, "I forgot all about the toilet paper." He turned to me. "Bella, I'm sick of pine needles!"

I started chortling and was confused when Sam grabbed my arm, tugging me down the aisle with him. He stopped to grab both of my hands. He put them on the cart and walked down another aisle. He put one huge roll of toilet paper in and looked at me, eyes twinkling. "Hold my cart."

"Okay," I said and something on my face made Sam start laughing.

Sam's blue eyes lit up and he steered me down another aisle, tossing in a pack of combs and several bottles of shampoo. We walked past the watches and I nudged Sam.

Sam glanced at me and I pointed. He exclaimed, "Oh!" and rushed over, his hand holding onto my shirt. Together, we stood in front of the watches. I looked at Sam's lowered blond eyebrows and fixated eyes. The look of concentration on his face was priceless.

I joked, "Are you buying a new house?"

Sam glanced at me again, looking like I disturbed him. He shrugged lightly and gazed at the watches. "Bella, I need your help."

I echoed his earlier words. "With what?"

In what looked like defeat, Sam waved to the watches with an lazy hand. "I don't know which one to get."

I looked at Sam and then at the watches. "Well, what kind do you want?"

Sam glanced at me in confusion. "There are different kinds of watches?"

I smiled in amusement. "Yeah."

"Oh." Sam huffed. "I'm ignorant. Go on."

I pretended to be hurt. "I didn't call you that."

Sam eyed me. "You called me something."

I held in a chuckle and said airily, "Well, there are digital watches and watches with clock faces, and-"

"Don't they tell time the same way?" Sam demanded. Before I spoke, he answered his own question. "Clocks are clocks."

I looked at Sam differently. Something suddenly felt wrong. Dread filled my stomach. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed nervousness when Sam seemed to think about it. He started to nod, but then he rapidly started shaking his head. He pointed to the aisle we had came from.

"I felt fine," Sam said and he grabbed a watch off the rack, dropping it into his cart. He began to walk away from the watches and I fought to keep up. Sam kept repeating the same three words over and over. "I felt fine."

When we got to the check out, we began to pull out items mindlessly. I glanced at Sam as he repeated his chant and I interrupted him.

"Sam, how do you feel now?" I demanded anxiously. Sam looked at me from dumping his roll of toilet paper on the conveyor belt.

Sam seemed ready to answer when something peculiar crossed his face. He took an unsteady step back, one of his hands going to his heart. The bottle of shampoo he had picked up fell to the floor.

"Sam?" I froze in worry.

Sam's blue eyes rolled over to me and I saw his face drain of color. "M-M-. . ." He stuttered and I heard a lady ask, "Is he okay?"

Sam looked away from me and at his hand. He squeezed his eyes shut and all common sense left me. I rushed past Sam, grabbing his hand, and ignored the cashier. Halfway to the exit, Sam started pulling away from me.

"Sam, we've gotta go." I said to him and Sam tried to walk backwards.

"Bella," he was panting. When had he started panting? Had he been panting earlier and I hadn't noticed? Was his laughter really just pants? "Bella," he rasped to me, "I can't leave my stuff."

"We can come again!" I cried and something went still in me when Sam shook his head slowly.

"What if we can't?" He asked me and my heart skipped a beat. "What if this is my last purchase?"

"Sam!" I said sharply. I knew we were making a scene, but I didn't care. "We've got to get you to the hos-"

Sam shook his head, stubborn. "You'll hate me later, but I'll be damned if I can't get a new watch."

I let go of Sam. My hands immediately went to my temples and I tried to let the stress out. The very next second, Sam and I were yanking Sam's items out of the cart and putting them on the black belt. I bent down to grab Sam's shampoo and we stepped up to the cashier.

"Everything okay?" She asked, anxiety on her face. The entire store had gone quiet while I had struggled with Sam. Maybe they were waiting for Sam to drop. I didn't know.

Sam answered for me, looking breathless and pale. "W-We're fine." He sputtered. "How much?"

Before she said the balance, Sam began pulling money out of his pocket. He shoved the dozens of tens in her hands and he glanced at me, fright on his face. Okay, his eyes said, we can go now.

I looked at the cashier and said tightly, "Thank you." I grabbed the cart and began to trot with it, trying to make sure Sam could keep up. The lady shouted back to us and Sam called.

"Keep the change!"

Outside, I unlocked the doors quickly and tossed the plastic bags in. Lizzie squeaked, "Ow!" and then looked at Sam. "Are you okay?"

Sam was leaning against the truck, his face ghastly. "I-I'm fine." I gave him a look and Sam looked at Lizzie. "I-I'll be fine."

Sam climbed in the truck and I hopped in after him. I started shouting while Sam struggled to breathe.

"Is there any way that this can be asthma?" I cried in the tense silence of the truck. My heart was pounding and my veins were tingling.

"No," Sam said, his voice low as he wheezed, "I don't have it."

"What about heatstroke?" I asked and turned on the highway. My foot hit the gas and I tried to pay more attention to the road. "Sam, how hot do you feel?"

"Hot?" Sam gasped. "I'm cold." Sam's words made me press hard on the gas pedal. My hand fought the dial on the heat and I turned it on full blast though it was eighty degrees outside.

Lizzie asked, worried, "What's happening?"

Sam answered, trying to be light about it. "My chest told me 'screw it'." He was still panting and I could hear the pants become shallower.

Hold on, Sam, I could feel my hands beginning to sweat. I asked, "Hey, can one of you find my phone?"

"You gonna ask your doctor friend Tyler what he should do?" Sam asked breathlessly and I looked at him, smiling tightly. Typical surfer Sam.

I tried to play along. "He's not even in med school."

Sam muttered, "Sucks for him."

Lizzie whimpered in the backseat. I looked back at her and mumbled, "We're about fifteen minutes away."

"Okay," was all Lizzie said. I skidded to a halt in front of a red light. I took a second to wipe the sweat off my forehead.

"Sam, how are you doing?" I asked.

Sam moaned which made me and Lizzie glance at him. Against the tan passenger seat, Sam looked very sick. His skin was still pale and his blue eyes looked far away. His hands were around his chest and he suddenly turned green. I reached over to quickly roll down his window and turned away politely when he vomited.

The painful part about Sam being sick in my truck was that Sam didn't get motion sickness. He drove all the time for hours on end. My heart jumped.

"We're almost there," Lizzie said soothingly when the light turned green. I pulled onto another highway and pressed down on the gas pedal.

For a moment, there was nothing but Sam's heavy breathing and the sound of the roaring engine. I took a moment to hope that the engine wouldn't give out and then my eyes saw what was behind me.

Lizzie noticed it a second before I did and mumbled. "I see three sets of blue lights."

Sam muttered, "Shit."

I began to dig around for Edward's cell phone, my eyes on the road in front of me. I hadn't noticed them at all. "How long were they there?"

Lizzie looked anxious. "A good three minutes."

Sam groaned louder. "Shit."

I kept driving and Lizzie murmured nervously, "Bella, you have to pull over."

"I know that," I said absently and my hand touched something smooth. I pulled out the cell phone.

Lizzie murmured, "Bella, that's illegal."

"I know that." I repeated with the same nonchalance. I dialed Charlie's number.

"Bella, hey," Charlie started talking. "Can't talk. I'm behind a string of police officers following this truck."

"That's me." I said and I heard Charlie gasp.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what the hell are you doing speeding in a sixty five zone?" Charlie demanded. I understood Charlie's concern. I was going close to eighty.

Charlie's words stung and I lost my cool. I started shouting. "Dad, I've got Sam in the truck right now, I think he's about to kick it, I'm trying not to crash, and your squad's blue lights are blocking my vision!"

There was a moment of silence.

Charlie spoke, confused. "Why is Sam with you?"

I couldn't answer that question right away. I spoke, my voice soft. I was trying to regain my senses. "Char-Dad," I corrected myself, "you can take the ticket money out of my college fund. I've got to get Sam to the hospital right now."

I heard Charlie swallow and he said, "I'll call them off."

I muttered, "Thanks. Bye." I hung up and tossed the phone behind me. I didn't look up to see whether the blue lights had gone.

Finally, I pulled up to the hospital and let Lizzie climb out. We helped Sam out of the truck and Lizzie ran to the emergency room, pulling IDs out of her pocket and screaming like a banshee.

Sam, raspy and silent, was completely dead weight and suddenly filled with another shot of adrenaline, I shook him. "Sam?"

"God," Sam sighed into my chest. "I feel like-"

I sighed in relief. "Good."

"Good?" Sam gave me an odd, faraway look. "What's good? I feel like-"

I stopped him. "That you're still here."

I continued to half-lead half-drag Sam after Lizzie only to be stopped by a pair of nurses. One of them held a foldable wheelchair that I was familiar with. She unfolded it and the other nurse took Sam from me. They sat him on it and began to wheel him away. I followed like a lost puppy, my heart sinking steadily to my stomach.

Sam glanced behind him, at me, with his baby blues and opened his mouth to speak. Before he did, pain lapsed over his face and he turned away. Someone brushed past me and I saw that it was Lizzie. She ran right behind the nurses and caught up to trot beside Sam.

On the way past me, someone tapped me on the shoulder and I saw that it was an older guy, maybe mid forties, in a white coat. He looked at me in sympathy and kept going. "You can come see him in a bit!" He tossed the words over his shoulder.

I stood in the hallway for a few seconds and then I made up my mind. I followed the doctor and saw a flash of Lizzie's red gold hair duck into a room. I walked on the outside of the room Lizzie had walked in and I could hear someone crying over another person saying instructions in a calm, practiced voice.

I looked at the room number and walked down the other hallway. I walked outside and stood in the parking lot. Filled with emotion, I sat in my truck and dialed a number.

"Bella?" his voice was full of concern. He didn't seem confused that I was calling him. "Alice saw-"

"You have to change him," I blubbered. Tears blurred my vision and I started sobbing. "Edward, you have to change him."

"Bella," Edward's voice was soft. "You don't know what you're saying."

"I do!" I protested tearfully. "I know what I'm saying! You have to change Sam!"

Edward cooed into the phone. "Bella, I couldn't."

"Then get Carlisle!" I sobbed. "Have him do it!"

"Hey, hey," Edward said soothingly. "Breathe. It's going to be okay."

I was crying too hard to really listen. "Edward, Sam is dying!"

"Bella," Edward said and then he spoke to someone else, "I don't know what you can do. You can try."

I sniffled. "W-What?"

"Bella," Edward said into the phone. "I'm giving you to Rosalie now."

I didn't give up. "Please, Edward, would you think about it?"

Edward hummed, torn, and then he was gone. A soft, soprano took his place. "Bella?" Rosalie murmured.

"I-I'm here," I sniffled and blinked at the flood of tears. "Rosalie, you have to convince Edward."

"Edward's stubborn." Rosalie said and I couldn't hold in my sob. "Bella, Bella," she sang sadly, "I didn't come to the phone to hear you cry."

I immediately wanted to hang up. "W-Why did you c-come then?"

"Bella, I'm sorry. That came out wrong." Rosalie surprised me. "Everything will be fine. Dry your eyes for me, okay?"

I sniffled. "O-Okay." My hands went to my eyes.

Rosalie began to speak and I tried to hear her words. She seemed to be whispering. "Sam wants this too, I assume. And you want it for him."

"Mh-hm." I was trying to get my sobs under control. "W-What about it?"

"It's just that, well, you see, you don't want to be rash about permanent things." Rosalie said to me. "Sam wants it, but he's too young to know what he'll want in ten years, fifteen years – and too young to give it all up without thinking it through."

"He's thought it through." I said to Sam's defense. The tears had stopped flowing. I wiped at my eyes. "And he doesn't have ten years."

"How would you know?" Rosalie asked me and the sobs started again.

"How do we know tonight isn't his last?" I cried. "What if Lizzie and I are the last people he sees? What if he dies tonight?"

"Oh, Bella," Rosalie hummed, "You've gotten yourself entangled with Lizzie and Sam."

"I care about them. They're my friends."I mumbled.

"To have. . ." Rosalie sighed. "To have friends that you can see decades from now and it won't look odd. If I were to see Angela or Jessica four decades from now. . ." Her voice trailed off. She sounded wistful.

"Rosalie," I didn't understand the point of her talking to me now, "please convince Edward to change Sam. Or Emmet. Or Carlisle." I pleaded.

"What if they don't want to?" Rosalie asked me and I wanted to start screaming. "Think about it, Bella. Once it's done, it can't be undone. What if Sam changes his mind?"

"You're not helping at all!" I shouted through sobs. "What are you trying to say?"

Rosalie mumbled. "I'm no good at this. Alice would have been better." She sighed again. "What I'm trying to get across is that humans change all the time. What if they find a cure within a few months and Sam can't take it?"

"He'd live forever. It wouldn't matter." I snapped.

"Sam wants it now, but give him a few days and-"

"I wanted it like Sam does now!" I was shouting again. "I wanted it for months and then-"

"We left." Rosalie finished. "You rethought your whole life without us. Sam's decision will change in some way or another."

"Sam doesn't want to die!"

"And you didn't want to be with Edward!" Rosalie snapped back. Her words made my hands begin to itch. "Decisions change over time. Hadn't Edward told you something like that? Distractions change things, Bella, even for us."

"Rosalie-" I growled.

"I'm trying to help." Rosalie sounded like she was pleading to someone, like she was talking to someone else though the phone was on her ear.

"You're not!" I cried and the sobs became angry. "I wanted it just like Sam! My mind about Edward didn't change, not at first!"

Rosalie spoke to me again, her voice low. "You saw Jacob and fell in love with him."

I was about to give up. "Sam wants his life!"

"It's not the same thing." Rosalie said, "Being a vampire and living is not the same thing like being a human and living."

"It doesn't matter!" I shouted. "Sam wants to live and right now he's dying," my voice broke on the last word.

Rosalie tried again. "Bella, Sam's mind is going to change-"

I snapped the phone shut and tossed it at the dashboard. I gripped the steering wheel for support and started screaming. My stress and heartache and indecision and pain exploded from my body in wordless cries.

Overwhelmed, I banged my fist on the steering wheel over and over. The tears didn't stop and eventually, I held my chest together, whimpering at the thought of the grief that was coming soon.

When I finally went quiet, it was because I had lapsed into tears again.