This chapter had me crying by the end of writing it. I'm glad for all of you staying with this despite my waning motivation and confidence in it, but your support is enough to keep it going.

Lifeforce Chapter 37

"Roads I've travelled I must leave, for I've turned the final bend. Weep not empty tears, but grieve...as the road comes to an end."

- Return of the King, 1980

A Living Shield

Ickabar's legs ached with pain as he ran. He led the way, knowing where he wanted to go. It was not a space station, or a port, or anywhere a ship could lead them to safety. There was no way out of this; the planet's sky was choked with smoke and he knew the cragmite wasn't stupid. Any survivors trying to fly out of the planet's atmosphere would be killed before they made it past the clouds. Hiding here wouldn't work, either. As big as the planet was, the barren landscape outside the crumbled city left no hiding place.

The suited fish where getting closer. Fergus and Leo took up the rear of the almost single-file they ran in, and the two threw back whatever they could. Duck's yelps sounded behind him, but Ickabar could not look back more than once. He was fine, stumbling, shivering, but all right. He held his daughter closer, her wails threatening to break into shrieks, her little fists curled into balls. Ickabar hated himself for what he had to do, what he planned. How could he possibly explain to the others, when he couldn't explain it to himself?

He skidded around a corner, narrowly avoiding a sharp rod sticking out of the rubble. He saw a mound ahead, like a little mountain bridging the height between the road and the suspended remains of a highway. He halted, panting, staring up at it.

Fergus lunged at the nearest attacker that grew near, his wrench crashing against its tank. He whipped his head around to look at Ickabar's gaping face, his braid swinging. "Go!"

Ickabar heaved himself up with one arm, toppling onto his knees for a second before continuing. The creatures below paid him little notice, going for the two attacking lombaxes below as Duck struggled to follow him. Ickabar turned and seized his arm, dragging him up, a pang of guilt filling him as he realized this was the first time he'd come to help the stumbling boy since the hug he gave him a day before.

He turned, though, and continued up the highway. He could see his destination, near the place he'd been when the attack started. The shipping docks. Not a space port and without any transport big enough for all of them, not even himself.

Fergus hit the creature one last time before turning on his heel, sprinting for the slope. He clambered up, Leo behind him. He gritted his teeth and lifted himself, his wrench heavy in his arm –

A searing pain and soft, but audible crack made him slip. His upper thigh had been hit, his flesh burning. He hissed, smashing his jaw shut to stop himself yelping like a wounded animal. He knew a bone had been damaged, he'd heard it crack.

Damn it.

Leo was up before him and grabbed onto his shoulders, heaving him up. "Fergus?!"

Ickabar turned his head, Duck bumping into his back. He saw Fergus stooped over, on one knee, his other adorned with a small red gash. He knew it was worse. Fergus stood, hands clenched, but his leg had the faints limp. Knowing Fergus he was ignoring the pain to the limit. He bucked Leo off as he tried to help him.

"Hold off the bloody fish if you want to help..." He growled as he caught up with Ickabar and Duck. Ickabar's heart was beating in his head, pounding loud and heavy. He looked back at the other three, still, holding his daughter with both shivering arms.

The road they'd climbed was hit by a blast. Leo had been a second away from it, and was tossed forward as a bright green spark hit the metal and made it crumble. Ickabar's thoughts evaporated and he stumbled up the highway again, Duck after him, Fergus limping furiously along. He glanced back and saw more of them coming from the west, and more from the east. Fish creatures piling in like rats coming after freshly dropped food, seeping out of the shadows of the buildings.

The road was winding, upwards to the export area. Ickabar could barely breathe but he kept going. The creatures began firing bright red plasma at the heels of the lombaxes, and Ickabar could see the light bouncing off the walls.

"Go on ahead!" Fergus called, low and stiff, as he drew to a slower pace. Duck stayed, blinking uncertainly, lifting a rock to toss back at them. He didn't know the plan, but of course Fergus guessed it.

Leo leaped onto the closest of them, hitting at their arms and legs, teeth barred. Fergus snatched up a dropped weapon with barely any ammo and aimed it, shooting. Ickabar ran, in near darkness in the shadow of the rubble.

Ratchet was running. The light bobbed ahead, solemnly dim, but clearer than he'd seen it before. His breath was almost painfully to draw into his exhausted lungs. He felt as though he was following Ickabar, now, but he had no idea whose perspective he saw these visions from now. At one point he'd been Ickabar, another he'd seen the back of his purple ears, ahead of him.

Ratchet breathed in and turned the corner, his chest pounding with apprehension. Almost panic. He turned his head left and saw the light again, and moved after it in a swift bolt.

Ickabar tripped again, the stiff wound in his leg coming back to haunt him, but he ignored its cry and stood. He burst out of the rubble-filled street and into open air, moving to the double doors of the export warehouse. It was small, and square.

He hit his good shoulder against the door and it swung open. There he was what he'd come for. A small export vessel, designed to take small cargo, however fragile, even small pets or plants, across space. Not usually used. And not usually seen.

Ickabar lifted his daughter and settled her into the pod, stuffing an old sheet under her to make it more comfortable. Tenahee squirmed, whimpering nervously. He leaned against the very thing that housed his child, panting; staring down at her as reality came crashing down. She looked up at him, wide-eyed, having no idea. No idea at all.

He set the co-ordinates, his mind blank. He knew the place and the people, their faces a blur. He would never see his friends outside of Fastoon again. They would never know what happened to him, and perhaps that was a blessing. Ignorance is bliss.

It was done. All he had to do was pull the lever and she'd be sent away. A tiny vassal, undetected. He'd left a text telling those in the Asteroid Base what to do. She would not stay in this galaxy. She had to go far away where lombaxes and cragmites where alien, and where the cragmite would not be able to find her.

Tenahee reached up for him, her face crumbling. His heart pulling, he leaned down, his forehead touching hers, so soft and tiny. He lifted his hand to stroke her cheek. Tenahee's whimpers faded into silence. His eyes watered.

"Tenahee, my darling." He whispered. "I love you more than life itself. I wish you could understand. I wish you could forgive me."

He would send her away into an alien galaxy where people knew nothing of their plight, and had no sympathy for her among thousands of other orphans. No mother, no brothers, and no father. He had no idea what life she would have, but preyed his friends would find her a good one. Far away, where this tragedy was merely a faraway story.

And where he was just a ghost of a memory. Ickabar looked at her face, so much like Jana's, but her eyes like his. So pale and lost and sad. Would she remember him? Of course not. And that hurt more than anything. How she wouldn't know how much he loved her, and what he was doing for her. How much it hurt to lose her forever.

But he had to. He would lose her, but she wouldn't lose her life. She would lose him.

Her little hand had curled around his finger, and he kissed her forehead. The baby's eyelids drooped, her mouth opening in a small yawn before she drifted off. Ickabar slowly, slowly lifted his hand away, her fingers slipping away from his. The last time he would ever hold her.

He closed the pod, and staring through the glass he forced his hand to move. He couldn't move, tears frozen in his eyes, before he finally pulled the lever.

The pod soured upwards, a little blur, lifting high into the air. He stared upwards to the sky as it lifted through the hatch in the ceiling and away from his sight. He stood like that until his eyes blurred over.

The last part of his future that he knew of had gone by. Ickabar's head lowered and his head drooped down to his chest.

Behind him the others burst in, slamming the double doors shut behind them. Leo jammed a broken pipe between the handles to keep it shut. The creatures on the other side hammered against it, loud and heavy. It wouldn't be long.

Ickabar did not turn his back, his eyes sliding shut. Each slam felt like a clock tick. Duck's voice, small and unknowing, called out to him.

"What do we do now...? Where's..."

Ickabar did not explain. Leo and Fergus where looking at him, panting. He could feel their eyes on him, Leo disbelieving, Fergus's unreadable. Slowly he turned his head, and only opened them upon knowing that Fergus was looking back. Knowing. In a way, it made the world bearable, if not just a little.

"What do we do...?"

Ickabar turned at last to look at Daveed, the boy's chest heaving with terror, his dark eyes wide and fearful. Ickabar felt his face crumble and he swallowed. He lifted his hand, reaching, his palm upturned towards him. Duck stared back at him, fearful, but Ickabar could see in his face he was finally beginning to realize that it wouldn't work out like he prayed.

With a small, inaudible sob, Duck reached out and curled his fingers around his. Leo's hand found his next, holding the boy's tight, a solemn look upon his hard-jawed face. He met Ickabar's eyes for a moment.

The purple lombax's head slid to the side, to Fergus. The braided lombax, his eyes locked and steady, reached out to him. He gripped Ickabar's wrist, and he gripped his. Ickabar's mind flooded with things he wanted to say. So many thank-yous, so many things he'd left unattended. Flashes of the gravesides, of the days Fergus sat with alcohol in his hand and Ickabar tugged it away. The nights they spent staring at the sky, talking of things of little importance. Fergus was his best friend. His family meant the world to him but in a different way.

He couldn't say anything because he wanted so desperately to say everything. He hoped Fergus knew just how thankful he was.

Fergus simply nodded once and the doors shattered. They broke away from each other, and leaped at their attackers. Fergus and Leo first, Ickabar snatching up the very pipe that had blocked the door. Daveed lifted rubble and tossed it at them; and they tore through the front of the group of creatures that tried to trap them inside.

All that mattered now was fighting back.

Ickabar slid underneath the arm that swung to hit him, smacking the pipe against the thick glass of the tank. The more creatures that came onto the road, the more it became to crumble. Ickabar could feel it stirring beneath him and his eyes widened.

"Look out!"

The road cracked, and slid to an almost vertical side. Ickabar's feet where tripped from underneath him and he slid down the metal plate. The fish creatures had been taken by surprise, skidding down like broken action figures. Some clung into the road still, and lifted their weapons as the lombaxes slid, yelling, right towards them.

Ickabar, his heart leaping, swung down the pipe in his hand to block the sharp blade the creature swung at him. He slid under it, only for another to shoot a plasma blast his way. He leaped, kicking off the road, and soured right over it before toppling back onto the crazed slide once more. The bottom came into sight; all the way down to the dirt-roads against, where there were little buildings left tall for cover. His blood rushing, Ickabar turned his head quickly to look over his shoulder. Daveed had remarkably avoided the creatures, Leo hitting one aside as he slid with his wrench. Fergus had no time for such skill; as he slid down towards a waiting drophid he kicked out his good leg and dove his boot right into the glass, knocking the creature clean off the slope.

Ickabar jerked his head forward again, and braced himself for the impact at the bottom. He screwed his eyes shut as the momentum of the slide tossed him though the air. He rolled across the ground, his arms swinging. He landed on his stomach, his lungs full of dust.

He lay there for seconds before tearing up again, the rush in his blood giving him a burst of energy. Duck toppled in behind him, Leo and Fergus next. Fergus struggled to his feet, Ickabar seizing his shoulder to try and help them.

They tore across the flat, dirt landscape riddled with charred, spiked remains of ships. A no-man's land, eerily like those he saw only in holofilms, but all too real now. A screech of a ship above them made them stop and the four looked above; five or so suits of armoured orange fish had leaped from the ship riding over their heads to land a few meters away.

Behind them the remaining group that had chased them before was getting closer. Ickabar saw with a swift turn of the head that they were trying to surround them on the flat battlefield. They were closing in.

The four stood, back to back. Duck had grabbed a forgotten wrench from the ground, Ickabar holding the heavy pipe still.

"Don't let them surround us. Spread out." Leo muttered lowly, eyeing their surroundings. Ickabar heard Fergus speak next.

"One by one. Don't let them overwhelm you."

They waited; a minute, a minute and a half – and then they tore off in four separate directions towards their attackers. They screeched in retort, lifting their weapons to counter. Ickabar swung his pipe, hitting the glass, then the arm, before leaping back to avoid the punch it swung. He dove under its legs, kicking it from behind. He watched it fall and slammed the pipe down on the tank, breathing in once before lunging at the next. It shot at him as he came, but he swerved, avoiding it, thanking the heavens for his years as a fast, skinny runner for once.

Fergus, his leg still screaming and swelling, focused on breaking off the robotic arm of the one he attacked. It shot at him, the plasma burning at his shirt, but missing with each dodge. He slammed his wrench down on its arm once more, finally tearing it away. He seized the creature's own blaster and shot it full-on in the face, before turning to the next.

Ickabar tore his wrench out of the broken glass of the third fallen enemy, panting. He lifted his head and saw Fergus fighting, Leo dodging, Duck slipping in and out between them. His gripped the pipe, tighter, breathing in and out. For a few seconds none of the creatures where near him.

He did not see the drophid meters behind him.

Fergus lifted his head, seeing the brown blur behind, toting its weapon at his back.

Duck's voice caught in his chest and his eyes bulged.

The fur on Ickabar's neck stood on end, and he felt something pull at him. He raised his head, slowly, feeling his own eyes widen.

The drophid aimed.

Duck's voice tore through the air in a horrible scream.

"ICKABAR!"

The blast soared through the air.

Something tore right through him.

His body stilled. His chest burned, dampness in his fur and shirt. His mind had frozen, blank and empty. He looked down, his hand numbly lifting to the hole in his chest, touching the blood. It riddled his fingers, seeping down his torso to the ground. Silent. Silent.

He stared at his hand, then past it; the bloody fingers going out of focus. He saw Fergus's horrified face, all of their horrified faces. Crashes. Fergus took down the one that had shot him, ending it. All of the creatures were gone. Ickabar felt...nothing.

Ickabar saw Duck, looking at him, heartbroken, who was whispering 'Oh my god' again and again. Around him the world blurred and his legs finally gave away. He was falling, the air rushing in his ears.

Someone caught him. Firm, but shaking arms. Furless. He knew the arms and hugs of all his friends. Someone else had caught him, running in from the side. Ickabar opened his eyes, barely noticing that they had fluttered shut.

He could see the sky. And against that sky he was a hairless face, green, with large brown eyes filled with deep sorrow that made his heart twinge...with recognition. He knew this face, and his lips twitched upwards.

"Raymas..."

Raymas was back. Holding him, on his knees, his large browns watered. He'd never seen him cry before. Raymas's hand came to his face, his head tilted against his chest. Ickabar couldn't remember the last time he'd seen him. And now, as his body slowly lost feeling, he was so glad. So glad he could have laughed if he had the strength...

"Icky...I'm so sorry..."

It was a whisper.

"You came back." He murmured, looking up at him, almost in wonder. He came back. How about that. Leo's face came into view, ashen below the fr, Duck's next. So lost and hurt, Duck shaking as tears spilled down his face. Ickabar looked at them, his smile fading just a little.

He looked to the left. Fergus was moving towards him, eyes wide, no frowning. Ickabar lifted his hand, cold and stiff, and Fergus held it with both of his. His eyes so wide. "Fergus..."

Fergus was on the other side of him now, Raymas on his right, his arms around him. Ickabar looked up at the braided lombax, and sadness seeped into his numb mind. He stared straight into his eyes. It hurt to leave Fergus behind, so badly. He held his hand tight, and shook his head the best he could.

"Don't...don't cry for me, Fergus..." He managed to say. He meant it. "Honestly."

Fergus's face twisted and he made an odd sound, a croak in his throat, no words. Ickabar felt something splash onto his cheek, and turned his head. It felt so heavy.

Raymas was crying. His tears fell onto his own face like rain. Ickabar lifted his free hand with all the strength he had left. His fingers found his brother's face. His hand on his cheek like he used to when he was so small. "Raymas..."

Raymas looked at him, lost. Ickabar smiled faintly. "...I'm Glad...you came back..."

He felt his brother's grip on him tighten. Duck's voice came to him then, almost as if calling from miles away.

"Don't go!"

Ickabar looked at them. All of them, their faces looking back at him from above against the pale sky. The sky was lighter, a very light grey. Almost white, and to him, shining from above. Lighting up their faces. The people he loved. Beyond the paleness beyond the living people he loved, he could almost see the faces of those he'd lost. Jana and Percy staring back at him. Waiting.

His eyes fell on Duck. "I...love you all. Don't...don't forget."

His eyes moved across all of their faces. Leo, Raymas. And Fergus.

I'm sorry I had to leave you, too, Fergus. But I meant it.

The weight he'd felt had lifted from him, and he could feel the pain seeping away. Like cold, or warmth. "It's been...fun..."

Their faces blurred. The sky spread across the outlines of their figures. They floated away, fading like ink washed away by water, and as the light grew he felt the last of pain dissolve.

Murmurs, laughter, sunlight, small hands holding two others...

He slipped away, pale eyes staring up at the sky.

...

Ratchet stood at the top of the hill. The hanging branches brushed past him, moving against his shoulders. Before him lay the last grave, the third grave. Covered by moss and plants that adorned the rock; the pebbles covering the ground before the headstone. Ratchet stared at the letters, feeling something swell inside him.

Ickabar Locksher.

Ickabar was dead.

He knew. He'd understood this was probably what happened from the beginning. But he couldn't prepare himself for it, or stop himself hoping that maybe somehow, in some way, he'd survived against all odds. But not this time. Ratchet felt the lump inside his throat melt, and the heaviness that had followed him across Fastoon fall upon him. He fell to his knees, breaking into sobs, covering his face with his hands.

Ratchet wept, for him, for his son, for his father and mother. For Alister, and for everyone. All his people, who died here. Ratchet cried for Ickabar.

Being killed by someone you loved was a horrible way to die.

He did not stop nor did he try to console himself. He'd never felt such agony, not even in his youth when he'd been all alone. He knew loneliness now, all the people he could have know if it hadn't happened. His parents, their friends.

But it would never be. And even though he could not change it, he let the pain finally have its way on him. Ratchet sobbed upon the hilltop, in the dying sunlight.

...

Ickabar ran across the golden sand, the child's laughter echoing through the air and across the winding roads. His face alight in a smile, eyes shining in the sun as he looked back at the two walking behind him. He danced ahead, calling for his brothers to follow, laughing as he turned the corner, and vanished from their sight.