Chapter 36: Home

June 1994

By the time he had helped Calyxa and Signora Chalaza to transfer Amanita and all the luggage to the house, Remus felt exhausted. Even though he had slept leaning against Calyxa through the journey, just Apparating the short distance drained him of most of his energy.

While he was trying valiantly to stack the trunks neatly in the entry hall, Calyxa spoke in Italian to Signora Chalaza, who took the little girl off into another room.

"Thank you," said Calyxa, coming up behind him. "I think you can leave it as it is now."

He dawdled a minute before turning to her, trying to focus on what he was going to say. All he wanted was to leave as quickly as he could manage. After that, he could decide where to go.

His suitcase, looking more battered and worse-for-wear than ever among the smart trunks and bags of the Janarra women, levitated beside Calyxa along with his Grindylow tank. The lady was looking at him with a smile and warmth in her eyes that had always been irresistible to him.

"Come with me," she said, turning to lead him out of the entry hall. His things followed, bobbing along in midair, as she brought him into the house and up the stairs. As he followed, his befuddled mind could not comprehend where she was taking him. Up two flights, they went to the light and airy attic, which consisted of a richly furnished bedroom and bathroom decorated in shades of brown and dark green. Never had he seen such an elegant, comfortable room, but he knew at once it was not her room. Calyxa didn't dwell here. It was a guest room.

"Protesting is useless," she informed him, "for I know what you plan to say. All I have to say in response is that if the situation were reversed, you would do exactly what I am doing."

He frowned at her as she directed his suitcase and tank into the room and up onto a low table under the windows. He couldn't make any sense of this.

"I shall send Gocciolina, our house-elf, up with dinner for you." She was smiling and looking at him with sweet affection that squeezed his heart until it ached. "No one will disturb you here, and you may rest as long as you like. You may stay as long as you like. I would prefer that you stay a long time, but I know you may not agree!"

Stupidly, dumbly, he continued to stand there and frown at her. Somehow, he had to get his exhausted mind around what she was saying. "Forgive me," he managed. "I can't quite follow."

"You will stay here until you are rested and recovered." She took a few steps over towards the bed. "If you need anything, this golden bell will summon Gocciolina." She gestured at a small bell on the nightstand. "Otherwise, no one will disturb you, not I, not Amanita. No one."

He finally grasped her meaning. She wanted him to stay here with her, in her house, where she lived with her daughter. Prince Borodin's child. "I can't," he began, but she shook her head.

"You have no choice." She came closer. "If I had just resigned my position and was ill, you would certainly offer me a place to rest." As she reached to place her hands on his shoulders, his hands came up automatically to rest on her waist, and he let her draw his head down to her. At that moment, he would have let her do anything she wanted to him. As it happened, she merely kissed him softly upon the mouth before turning to go.

"Calyxa," he called, not knowing what he was going to say. That precious little kiss had both strengthened and weakened him.

She turned back. "There is nothing to be said. You eat and rest." For a second or two, she studied him with a little thoughtful frown. "Remus," she murmured, "anything you have to say will wait until tomorrow. Sleep well."

The door closed behind her with a quiet click. Remus stood there for about half a minute and then sat down upon the bed. Did he dare? He knew that he should go far away as soon as possible, or the irresistible little witch would install him here like a kept man. Not that he was too proud. As long as she would be faithful, he'd stay here under any terms she named. But if she would not give up other wizards… he could not become a simple plaything for her. He'd rather starve and eat refuse from rubbish bins than submit to that.

A pop of Apparition startled him, and he found an unusually small house-elf standing before him with a carved, wooden tea tray. Soft peach colored fabric was draped over her, like a toga. "Here is supper for Professor Lupin," she said in a high, accented voice as she levitated the tray onto the bureau.

Already he could smell the rich aromas of the food, and he recognized beef with gravy. Along with that were vegetables, bread, half a bottle of red wine, and a bottle of sparkling water. The house-elf snapped, and an armchair moved from the other side of the room to the bureau.

"Thank you," he said, and his stomach rumbled. After the kiss, he had forgotten how hungry he was.

"Now, Countess says Professor must eat and sleep," said Gocciolina. "No one can come here unless Professor rings the bell. Countess says sleep first and have a bath tomorrow."

A grin appeared on Remus's haggard face. The thought of a hot bath was heavenly, but what he really needed was a long, undisturbed rest.

"Does Professor want Gocciolina to unpack for him?"

"No," he replied as he went over to the bureau and his dinner. "You should help the contessa."

"Yes, and Professor will please ring if he needs Gocciolina."

"I will," he promised, sitting and taking up the silverware as the house-elf Disapparated.

He ate every morsel, mopped up the juices with the bread, and drank a glass and a half of wine. Full and a little drunk, he flicked his wand to draw the drapes over the sunlit windows, stripped off his robes, and climbed into bed. No thoughts or worries troubled him as he slipped easily into the unknowing.

Remus woke in the blackness of night. Although he did not feel vague or disoriented, something was gnawing on his insides. He climbed out of bed and went over to the windows. When he opened the drapes, the brilliant moonlight blinded him. Of course, the full moon had been the previous day. The day when he regained Sirius. He smiled at the thought of his good friend, but he wondered why the waning moon was affecting him so strongly. It didn't usually.

In the garden below, he saw a pale figure walking, and he recognized Calyxa instantly even though she was walking in the shadow of the garden wall. Then she came into the brilliant moonlight and lifted her arms slowly. In the pale light, dressed in white robes, she appeared to be made of marble.

Remus stared, wishing to leap down to her. He wanted to hold her, to embrace and worship her with his body and with words like a prayer formed by his lips. Even as he watched, though, he saw the marble sheen of her flesh alter into flame. Although she was still Calyxa, she was also a creature of power and light. And then she spoke his name.

He could not hear her, of course, two floors above: he felt her speaking his name and sending the flames into him. Only they weren't flames, they were moonbeams, and they soothed him. The stiffness in his joints evaporated, and a deep, calm sense of peace filled him.

All at once, he felt heavy and sleepy. Even the goddess outside could not keep him awake; he stumbled to the bed, crawled under the covers, and plunged headlong back into slumber.

Remus woke in the late morning and enjoyed a filling brunch brought by Gocciolina. The tiny house-elf also brought his laundered and pressed robes and prepared a bath for him. I could get used to this, Remus thought as he relaxed in a tub full of orange-scented water and postponed shaving as long as possible. The bath water remained steadily hot and did not grow cool no matter how long he stayed.

Eventually, he emerged, rosy and shriveled, and set himself to the task of shaving off three days worth of coarse beard. He knew that Calyxa and the others would have finished their lunch by now, and he wanted to appear to his best advantage when he went downstairs. Because he felt so much better and his robes looked remarkably well after Gocciolina's care, he looked forward to seeing them.

He wanted to talk with Calyxa about what had occurred, about what Sirius had said, and, most of all, about their unfortunate disagreement. He was ready to claim all responsibility and admit his grievous fault, after which, he was sure, she would look at him with that deep warmth in her eyes and perhaps even kiss him as sweetly as she had yesterday.

It was after two o'clock when he went downstairs. The house-elf told him that the ladies were in the garden. There, he found Calyxa and Amanita asleep in a cloth hammock tied between two great elms. Signora Chalaza dozed nearby on a chaise; however, it was the pretty, young contessa and her child who commanded his attention.

The little girl was nestled against her mother's breast, and Calyxa slept with her body curled protectively against Amanita. Remus wished he could slide in next to them and hold them both against him. In truth, he recalled quite vividly the night Sirius had gained entry to the Gryffindor dormitory and how he had lain holding Calyxa back against his chest with a possessive arm.

He made himself turn away from the shady area of the garden and go back into the house. There, he wrote a note for Calyxa before Disapparating to the alleys of Wizarding London where he spent a luckless afternoon looking for a job.

Atop a rubbish bin, he found a discarded Daily Prophet with the blaring headline, Hogwarts Teacher Exposed as Werewolf. Snatching it up and quickly scanning the story, he was hugely relieved to see that there was no photograph. Still, he was really out of luck this time and would probably have to find a job with Muggles, at least for the time being. He was no stranger to menial positions and physical labor, for he had never been able to afford being proud. On the other hand, if he stayed with Calyxa and took meals there, he would have a base from which to find work.

From Diagon Alley, he Apparated to the house where he had grown up, his parents' house. He had lived here alone much of the time since they had passed away, but he didn't always have the time, energy, or resources to take care of a whole house, so some things had fallen into disrepair. He was happy to discover that the problems were all minor and that the house could be easily made habitable.

When he finally returned to Calyxa's, he found only Signora Chalaza waiting for him. "Good evening, Professor," she said with a smile. "The countess had a dinner engagement and begs you to forgive her absence. Gocciolina has some supper for you."

He couldn't help smiling in return, for the old, Italian witch reminded him somewhat of the late Peziza di Janarra. "Thank you, Signora," he said. "Has Amanita gone to bed?"

"Certainly. The countess rarely goes out before she has put the child to bed."

That statement wasn't surprising. Remus thanked her again and went to have his supper. After a delicious meal and two glasses of wine, he was feeling content and sleepy, which disappointed him because he had planned on waiting up for Calyxa. The busy day and heavy meal took their toll, though, and he found it impossible to stay up.

Morning came soon enough, but he slept luxuriously late. Knowing that he wasn't on any kind of time schedule, he bathed leisurely, shaved, and dressed in freshly pressed robes. It was a lovely thing to be waited on by a house-elf!

It was late morning when he went downstairs, and Gocciolina told him that Calyxa was working in the study while Signora Chalaza had taken Amanita for a walk. The Daily Prophet had been set on the kitchen table, so he began to look through it as he tucked into his hearty breakfast. He almost skipped the salacious gossip pages, but he caught sight of Calyxa's photograph and stopped to read the blurb that accompanied it.

Kissed and Made Up?
The wicked Countess di Janarra returned to London with her usual panache and was seen leaving ultra-exclusive Seguin with her former paramour, racing broom mogul Elias Peschel. A rumored nasty breakup nearly a year ago seems to have been forgotten by the cozy pair.

The photograph showed the wizard in profile, a slim man with golden blonde hair. Calyxa, dressed in dramatically low-cut evening robes, stood laughing with her eyes fixed on her companion and a look of warm affection on her face.

Remus felt strangely numb, but there was a heavy feeling deep in his stomach. Was Elias Peschel the wizard whose threadbare dressing gown Calyxa had been wearing? From the outside, it didn't make sense that a wealthy wizard would own such a thing, not to mention letting his girlfriend take it home. On the other hand, there were always private little understandings between lovers, and the ratty, old dressing gown could have been one of those things.

As he stared down at Calyxa's sweet, adoring expression in the photograph, Remus felt a churning wave of nausea. The dream was truly over this time. He could not remain here and watch as she… He closed his eyes, unable to even think about it. Had he really hoped, just yesterday, that she would give him a promise of faithfulness? Well, he had lied and pushed her away all those years ago. This was only what he deserved.

It was too late to salvage much of his fractured heart, but he had to leave before she added him to her male harem. Worst of all, he actually considered it, for the idea was not without its appeal to one like himself with strong voyeuristic tendencies. However, he simply could not bear her truly loving another man. Meeting her ex-husband had been bad enough.

Leaving the remnants of his breakfast, he folded the paper neatly and went up to the guest room where he methodically packed his things. He was no coward, though, and would not run away like a thief in the night: after setting down his suitcase and Grindylow tank in the entrance hall, he knocked on the door to the study. Calyxa called something in Italian, so he opened the door and went in.

She looked up from her desk where two ancient books sat open in front of her and a long scroll of parchment was unrolled. "Remus!" Her face lit with delight, and she set down her quill. "You look much recovered."

"I am, thanks to you," he answered as his feelings swung wildly back and forth. The expression on her face, the warm affection in her eyes, could make a man forget everything else. However, he had seen the photo of her looking sweetly at her lover, so he was able to steel himself against her. "I've come to thank you and say goodbye," he went on. "It was very kind of you to take me in. I honestly don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

She sat still and stared at him with a little frown. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he answered pleasantly, "but it's time for me to go."

She stood up. He grew wary, for he knew that if she came close and embraced him, he was in danger of losing control. "You can stay as long as you wish, but I suspect that you know that."

"I know, but it's best for me to go now."

Her eyes looked troubled. "Please tell me what has happened to bring out this… coldness in you." When he didn't reply, she said, "The last time you said goodbye, you indicated that my feelings were not… reciprocated. These past few weeks, I have thought perhaps that may have changed."

What to say? It was almost impossible to resist such delicate seduction, but he had to keep in mind that he had seen her expression as she gazed at her lover. "You have dozens of wizards," he managed to say with a gentle smile. "You don't need me."

Again, she nodded, but now, she was blinking, and he had the sudden fear that she was about to cry. "I understand," she murmured, "but I hope you will write to me sometimes to let me know how you are."

"I shall," he agreed with another forced smile. "Give my regards to Amanita and Signora Chalaza."

She nodded again. At least she wasn't blinking anymore.

"Thank you for everything, and I'm sure I'll be seeing you around," he lied.

"Please take good care of yourself," she whispered.

Knowing that he would lose his resolve if this continued, he nodded, turned, and went out of the study. As soon as he had taken up his belongings, he Disapparated, knowing he would not see her again.

Acknowledgment: Many thanks to the glorious Clara Minutes, who returned this to me with corrections a mere two hours after I had sent it to her!