I still don't have internet on my comp, so I'm updating from my phone. Sorry if I didn't get to your review! (Typing on this thing is uber hard)

Ch37: Musings

BPOV

It was near the end of the school day when my teacher sent me to the library to print out worksheets for homework. As I was strolling into the library I spotted Edward. I'd forgotten that his last class was a free study hour. He looked bored out of his mind with one arm propping up his head as he looked through a textbook. I was surprised he hadn't notice me yet.

"Something on your mind?" I asked, startling him.

"You mean other than everyone else's minds?" He smiled happily at me as I sat beside him.

"Yeah, other than that." I leaned against his shoulder, enjoying his scent. "You're tense. When was the last time you hunted?" I whispered to him.

"I'm not thirsty. It's just…" As he spoke I could feel his voice reverberating in his chest. "My gift is useful, but I hate that I can't turn off. Even the mundane thoughts of our classmates become a burden considering they're the same thing times a few hundred students every day. And then-" He stopped speaking and I looked up at him.

"And then?" I prompted him.

"It's nothing you want to hear about. You know I don't like burdening others with my problems."

"Don't be silly. If something is stressing you out I want to know about it." I said while squeezing his hand. He looked at his textbook, not answering immediately. "Edward…" I nudged him.

"And then the thoughts that I'm subjected to when I'm at home." He sighed and I felt dread pool inside my stomach. "Esme always have such light and warm thoughts. Emmett's thoughts are always easy going- he loves you like a sister." Edward smiled, but that quickly faded away. "Rose is a good person, but she doesn't feel the need to act that way, and sometimes she thinks rude things to spite me even though she knows I can't turn off my gift. Carlisle is hardly ever home so I don't really get the chance to talk to him as often as I'd like to. And to top it all off- Jasper's thoughts…" Edward sighed again. "I don't know if we'll actually be able to help him." I felt disheartened by this news.

"Well, if anyone can help him it's you all. I have no solution for your Rose problem, but if you miss Carlisle than you should invite him on a hunting trip and have some father-son bonding time. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to go with you." I stood up after giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "I have to make copies of this before Mrs. Berkley hunts me down. Love you." We waved goodbye to each other before he went back to looking at his book.

As I programmed the printer I started feeling antsy. It had been three days since I last saw Jasper and Edward just mentioning him made me want to see him.

I understood that Jasper kidnapping me was wrong, but that fact just seemed so arbitrary now. Everything seemed arbitrary.

This life used to be everything I wanted- An awesome boyfriend, lots of friends, and good grades. Now my mind just keeps rolling back to that man.

The things that would usually made me happy, like unexpectedly seeing Edward at school, just seemed so commonplace now.

Perhaps I'm just some sort of danger junky. Having a vampire as my 'significant other' was never a factor, at least consciously to me, but maybe subconsciously I thrive off danger.

I mean seriously, I came to bum-fuck nowhere and ended up dating the most dangerous guy in the area.

Now that a bigger badder threat entered the mix I'm suddenly less enthralled by Edward and all doe-eyed for a guy I don't even really know.

Maybe I'm the insane one?

What do you think of her danger junky idea? Do you like the last line?