Title: In Your Eyes

Authors: Raven Shadowrose/BeethovenRIP

Rating: M

Pairing: ?/?

Summary: A joint FanFic by Raven Shadowrose and BeethovenRIP based on Dixie and Jeff's conversation at the end of Series 26 Episode 36. We have rated it M as future chapters will contain adult themes. Dixie wants to be a mother and Jeff is all too willing to oblige, but, does their conversation in the ED have an unexpected effect on their relationship?

Disclaimer: The authors do not know or own any characters or content from Casualty, any original characters and the story are ours and we do not give permission for anyone to use the story or reproduce it.

Author's Note: Thank you to chan. nelson4444, olivia. c. king1 and Carlykinz for your reviews and for sticking with us through all of the story. We hope that you are enjoying it and will like this chapter.

Chapter Thirty-Seven.

Dixie sat cross legged on the sofa; Jeff had stayed the night with her again and was now making the couple a drink. Yesterday had been pretty emotional on him, he had started to admit how he felt while they were apart and she knew how much he had missed her. She wanted more than anything to make their relationship work; she couldn't stand to see him so broken any more. Dixie had a plan in mind to get them to talk openly to one another, she had no doubt in her mind that it would be tough, however, it needed to be done. They had made a huge step already, seeing each other, sharing a meal together, sharing beds once more; they had even started to talk. Having said that, they still had a long way to go, they said some hurtful things to one another, they needed to start to move on, sooner rather than later. 'There you go Dix.' Jeff said as he handed her a mug of tea sitting beside her on the sofa. 'Thank you Handsome.' Dixie gratefully took a sip from it before placing it down on the coaster.
Jeff watched her carefully before he did the same making himself a little more comfortable next to his wife catching sight of the box that sat between them. 'What have you got in there then?' Jeff asked pointing at the cardboard box. 'Memories.'
'Of us?'
'Yes, of us.' Dixie replied as she took the lid off revealing all the photos that were originally scattered about the house to Jeff. He was thankful that she hadn't thrown them away, but, wondered what she was going to use them for. 'What made you bring them in Dix?'
'Jeff, if we are serious about us, about working things through and starting again, I thought it would be good to remember the happy times we had together, think about how much we have shared, how much we have worked through, the photos will help us do that.'Jeff looked a little unsure, was he ready for this? 'Dix, I….'
'It is going to be hard on us both Jeff, I am under no illusions that we will be in complete floods by the end of this, but, we need to do it, otherwise, what is the point?'

Jeff knew Dixie was right, it was going to be hard, but, they had so many fond memories together that meant so much to the pair of them, they were worth remembering and clinging onto no matter how emotional they became. Slowly he dipped his hand in bringing one to the surface for them both to see – their wedding day. 'I remember when I asked you to marry me.' Dixie said looking at the pair of them over Jeff's shoulder as he traced a finger over her face, 'you nearly choked on your beer if I recall.'
'Yeah, of all the things for you to say to me, I wasn't expecting that.' Jeff smirked.
'I know, I wanted to make my dad happy and proud of me. I bottled telling him who I was. He really liked you though, he told me that you were a good man and was certain that you would protect me. I was nervous on our wedding day, I had spent the night with Lena only to find out she was the bloody registrar! I thought I had found the person of my dreams, little did I realise at the time I was marrying the man of my dreams and he was going to make me happy.'
'I don't think I have done a good job at that though have I?'
'We all make mistakes Jeff, hindsight is a wonderful thing. If I had told my dad who I really was, we would never have got married. I let my dad down that day like I have let you down.'
'Dix, you have not let me down, why do you think that?'
'I didn't believe you Jeff; I didn't believe what you said. Our friendship, our marriage is built on trust, we tell each other everything, you were telling me the truth about Tamzin and I didn't believe you. She made me think that once a man cheats, they will do it again. I was scared Jeff. You are the first man I have ever been in a serious relationship with, the first man I have taken into my bed and made love to. I was frightened that you would leave me and go off with someone younger and more experienced with men sexually than I was. I know you, I should know you inside and out, but, I let my emotions, my hormones, my feelings of insecurity cloud me and I didn't believe you. I let you down in the worst way possible.'

Dixie felt tears streaming from her eyes as she recalled seeing Jeff and Tamzin kiss, no, she corrected herself, Tamzin kissing Jeff. If only she had of believed him in the first place none of this would have happened.
'Dix…'
'No Jeffrey, you have been putting yourself through hell these past few months and it was all my fault. If I had of believed you like I should have done, we wouldn't have said all those things to one another, you wouldn't have left me. If anyone deserves to be on their own, it is me.' Jeff didn't know what to say to his wife, she was sat next to him crying her heart out. He lifted the box onto the table before taking her into his arms, holding her close as she cried, rubbing her back and lightly kissing the top of her head. She needed to let this out. After a few minutes, Dixie pulled away from Jeff looking him directly in the eyes, 'I wouldn't have blamed you Jeff, 'she said almost whispering.
'What do you mean?'
'If you hit me, I wouldn't have blamed you. I should have believed you and I didn't, I shouldn't have said all those things to you about your children, but I did. I wouldn't have blamed you if you had of slapped me, I deserved it.'
'No, babe, God no. I should never have raised my hand to you. What I did was unforgivable; I would never, ever hurt you like that. I lost my temper and it nearly went too far. You have no idea how much I have beat myself up over that moment, the moment where I nearly hit you. Every time I close my eyes I saw your face Dix, you looked petrified and I made you feel like that.'
Dixie continued to look into Jeff's eyes as tears formed in them, 'I felt like you didn't want me any more, I saw you with her in the rec room and it broke my heart. We had made love that morning, it was perfect and then that happens. When you didn't want me that night I….'
'Dix, I had a headache, Christ I wanted you, I really did. This whole Tamzin kissing me thing brought on a migraine. You know how much I suffer with them when I get stressed and worried. I told her what I thought and threatened to shop her for harassment, but, she said you wouldn't believe me. I didn't know what I was going to do, I wanted to tell you, but, I was scared to. All of that brought on a bloody migraine. I wanted to make love to you again Dix, I really did, but I was feeling really sick.' Jeff rushed everything out of his mouth so quickly that he wondered if it had made any sense to her at all. He looked at her face once more as more tears spilled down her cheeks. 'You…. You…you never said Jeff.'
'I know, maybe if I had of been honest with you about the headache then this wouldn't have happened, we wouldn't have argued and you wouldn't have thought I was rejecting you.'

Dixie sat looking into Jeff's eyes, she could see the tears flowing from them as he spoke, she could see his honesty deep in his eyes, and she knew he was telling the truth, he had been telling the truth all the time, yet, she hadn't believed him. Wiping her eyes, she pulled out a second photo from the box, one of them with Abs at the park. Jeff took the photo from her and placed it on the table beside their wedding photo before taking Dixie in his arms once more; they had said a lot to each other, they were being honest with one another. He cradled her close thinking back over everything they had said, the tears they had shed as they did. He closed his eyes taking in her familiar scent.

He felt Dixie's hands trace light patterns over his back, it had been so long since she had done that, he almost cried there and then. He returned the feeling, running his hands lightly over her spine as he held her close. He found himself instinctively going for her neck with his lips, placing soft kisses in the crevice as he held her. Dixie let out a soft and quiet moan as Jeff's lips ghosted over her; slowly she tilted her head so she met Jeff's lips locking onto them as they shared a slow and tender kiss. As the kiss came to an end, Dixie pulled away and rested her forehead against Jeff's, they met each other's gaze and saw tears rolling down their faces. 'I have waited for so long to kiss you like that again.'
'Me too Princess, me too.'
'I love you so much Jeffrey Collier, I don't ever want to be without you again.' Before Jeff could reply, Dixie had once more claimed his lips in her own, instigating another long kiss. Yet again, they kissed through tears, tears of joy and relief at being close once more, they had missed each other so much, and this step was always going to be emotional for them. 'Make love to me again Dix.' Jeff whispered against her lips as he brought the kiss to a close. Dixie nodded her head; she was unable to speak as more tears flowed down her face.

This time, unlike the first time they made love, Jeff led Dixie up the stars and into his bedroom, it seemed somewhat fitting that they were going to start again in the same place that changed their relationship six months ago. As they walked into the room hand in hand, they both glanced over at the wall where they had first succumbed to one another. The pair laid down on Jeff's bed, Dixie was on her back while Jeff was slightly to her side leaning in for another kiss. They had all evening and were not in a rush, this was going to be a magical moment between them, one they have been craving for so long. Jeff slowly kissed his wife once more allowing his hand to run up and down her left side as she placed hers on his back, tracing soft patterns once more.

As they continued to kiss, their hands explored each other's bodies like they need to learn about themselves once more. Dixie moved her hands from Jeff's back to slowly undo his shirt as he pulled her left leg up caressing her thigh. She made light work of his buttons as she stripped him of his shirt running her hands over his naked skin once more. Jeff pulled out of the kiss staring into Dixie's eyes allowing her to touch him wherever she wanted to, he had missed her touch on his skin and couldn't help but let new tears fall. Slowly he placed his hands at the bottom of her top lifting it up above her head before throwing it to one side of the room. He took in her semi naked top, feeling more tears rolling down his cheeks as he took in her lack of curves, in their place were bones. He moved his hand around to her back undoing the clasp of her bra letting it fall of her arms exposing her breasts to him once more. Jeff ran his left hand up and down her upper body caressing her breasts softly in his hands. Dixie moaned softly as she felt Jeff's lips lightly suck on her left nipple, she had missed this so much. They slowly continued to strip each other of their clothing until they were lying naked on top of the duvet in Jeff's room. Dixie was still on her back while Jeff was laying half on top of her and half to the side. They held and maintained a deep eye contact with one another, they didn't need to use any words, their emotions were clearly evident in their eyes. Both had tears cascading down their faces, tears of happiness, they had been craving this contact for so long and now they had it. Jeff continued to stroke and feel Dixie's body, he wanted to take in and remember everything about her. Dixie did the same to Jeff; she ran her hands over his back, chest and bum. She remembered how soft his skin was to touch, how muscular his legs and stomach were, she had never felt a body like that before.

Jeff moved his hand from caressing Dixie's breast to move down her body parting her legs gently before rubbing her clit. Dixie's breathing hitched as she felt Jeff place his fingers inside her body. She shuddered slightly before letting out a small sob. 'Did you want me to stop?'

Dixie shook her head, 'No, no I don't want that, I have really missed this Jeff.'
'So have I Princess, I have missed being with you, missed kissing you, holding you and touching you.' Dixie felt herself getting wetter the more Jeff moved his fingers inside her; she moved her hand down from his back to take his hardening length in her hand rubbing it as it grew. Jeff let out a moan before resting his head on Dixie's shoulder. 'Are you ready for this Dix?' Jeff asked softly
'Make love to me again Jeffrey Collier.' Jeff paused for a moment, Dixie met his gaze, she could see his was thinking about something, was this what he wanted?

'What is it Jeff?'
'I don't have a condom with me.'
'It doesn't matter.'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes Jeff, I want to feel you again, I want you to make love to me and come inside me, like you did in this room six months ago.' Jeff lent in and kissed Dixie softly before moving to lie on top of her. Dixie parted her legs as Jeff repositioned himself between them slowly guiding his hard length into her body. As he entered her, they gazed into each other's eyes once more as fresh tears fell, they felt complete once more.

They slowly moved together as they made love, they rested their foreheads against each other feeling their tears fall. Their love making was intense and deep, as well as emotional. Dixie caressed Jeff's back one more time before placing her hands at the small of his back guiding his movements softly. Jeff moved his head to place kisses on her neck before taking her left nipple in his mouth one more time suckling at it softly as they moved. Dixie cried out as she started to feel her orgasm approach, it was long overdue and was bound to be intense and powerful.

'Jeff, I am coming.' Dixie whispered
'Let go Princess, I am not far behind you.' Jeff replied as he continued to move inside her.
'Fuck me Jeffrey.' Jeff continued to move inside Dixie, he could feel her tighten around him and her body started to shake, more tears rolled down his face as he watched her come. She closed her eyes, held onto him tighter and moaned his name. He tried to prolong her orgasm by moving harder and faster inside her, he had missed seeing her like this, missed being with her like this, it was a magical moment and brought more tears to his eyes as he watched Dixie let go. Dixie opened her eyes once she had come, she met Jeff's gaze once more and saw the tears soaking his cheeks, she wiped them gently with her thumb as he continued to move. Dixie held onto him rocking her hips slightly to bring him to orgasm as well. 'Fuck Dixie, keep doing that, I'm coming' Jeff whispered arching his back. Dixie felt him speed up as he became more erratic in his movements. 'I love you Dixie, oh my God I love you' Jeff moaned as he came deep inside her.

Dixie felt him come, she felt complete once again having Jeff moving and coming inside her. She had really missed it and now she had him back, she didn't want to let him go. Jeff lay on top of his wife as his breathing returned to normal, he went to withdraw, but, Dixie stopped him. 'Not yet Jeff, stay inside a little while longer, please.' Jeff nodded resting his head to her side as she pulled him closer to her. They could just lie like this for as long as they wanted to, they had made considerable progress in getting their relationship back on track. Dixie knew they still had some more talking to do before Jeff had to go back to London, but, for now, she was contented. She had her Jeffrey back where he belonged, in Holby and with her. Slowly Jeff withdrew pulling the covers over them as they settled back down into each other's arms drifting off into a contented sleep.