A/N: Oh, Art, haven't you heard the definition of tempting fate? Because he did a serious bout of tempting it there. And it shall be like no other. Remember how the mission ends?
Well... it's gonna bite him in the ass. Hard.
But in the meantime... we've got other things to do. So before we hit Overlord... Well...
I have another thing in mind. So... hold on to your seats.
I recently had a commission by the incredibly awesome GoneBatty of DeviantArt. So you can find it here:
Chapter 36: Shostakovich: Symphony no. 9
It's been a while since I've slept as well as I did. I felt myself come to consciousness, but I refused to open my eyes or acknowledge anything my senses were telling me. I just wanted to milk my bliss for all it was worth. I cannot even remember how long it has been since I first arrived into this world. Years ago, I was a rather callow person at home thinking my problems back then were so huge. Now, here I am in the world of a video game I love, fighting to save everything and everyone I hold dear.
I never imagined before I got here that I would be in this very world, fighting along the people that I respected on screen. In all this time, I've gotten to see the world in a new light and see the characters as very real people... well, not all of them are human, but yeah.
Wait a second, I'm laying in a comfortable bed. This doesn't quite gel in my head. What's this in my arms?
I cracked open my eyes slowly, unwillingly taking in the light of the surroundings around me. My eyes quickly adjusted to the light in my room. I looked around, wondering if I was still in some kind of dream. This wasn't what I fell asleep to. Is this real life? Am I still dreaming or have I been teleported somewhere else again?
Oh, fuck me. Now, for this thing in my arms. It's like... did someone go to sleep with me last night? What the fuck is going on?
I let out a quick yelp of surprise. This turned out to be an incredibly bad move as the person... thing... suit in my arms began to stir. I quickly jumped out of bed and looked around. Where the fuck am I?
I looked at the figure in front of me that was in my bed. It stirred slightly before it set its sights upon me. At least, I think it did. I couldn't tell with the visor there.
"Mmm, good morning, Art," she said in a cheerful tone. Well, it was a she... or at least had a female voice. What?
Next thing I know, I'm fainting from just the shock of everything going on. Last thing I remember was bashing the back of my head against the wall as I fell unconscious. Oh, this will hurt when I wake up.
I woke up to find myself again in a bed. At least I'm comfortable right now. Um, okay, let's see what's around me. Apparently, this has to be a hospital of some sorts. There seems to be beds and medical equipment around me. There was a lady sitting by the equipment next to my bed. I can only assume she is the doctor here considering she was expertly fiddling with the equipment here.
Damn, she's good. Like, I remember bashing my head against the wall behind me but I figured that would hurt for a few days. I tentatively reached behind my head to touch where I hit the wall and felt it was completely healed.
"Wow, this is impressive..." I said to myself. Hey, what happened to my voice? I sound like Mickey Mouse!
"Oh, you're awake," the doctor lady said to me. Yeah, she's definitely the doctor.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked.
"Well, Art, when you fainted in your room earlier, you hit your head pretty hard. I haven't finished a scan, but I am firmly of the opinion that you have temporary partial amnesia," she explained to me.
"That sorta... is that biologically correct?" I asked.
"I am a doctor, Art," she replied to me.
"I don't have amnesia at all—wait, why are you calling me Art?" I asked her.
"That is... your name," she said cautiously. My name is Art? What have I missed? I remember everything perfectly well. I fell asleep in a tent after a whole day of activity and I wake up in some spaceship to find something in my arms. If I have amnesia, how far back did I lose?
The door to the room opened and a rather intriguing lady walked in. She had to be the commander of this ship. I mean, she just had this immensely awesome aura about her. Like, you looked at her and you couldn't help but respect her.
"Art, you're awake," the new person said to me.
"I... am," I replied with some hesitation. Was I a guest aboard this ship or was I one of the crew members? If I was a crew member, was I high ranking or was I one of the lower ranks?
"Commander, preliminary analysis indicates that he potentially has a form of amnesia that only affected a part of memory and only temporarily. In a few days, he should slowly recollect what he had forgotten," the doctor said to me. The commander gave the doctor a rather odd look before looking at me.
"So, um, you're the commander? It's an honor to be in your presence... uh, ma'am? Miss? Uh... er," I cut myself off as I saw the commander cringe at the mention of being called "Miss".
"Miss?" the commander asked tentatively.
"Well, I mean, you kinda look like a woman. I mean, you DO look like a woman, but like, a badass, totally awesome woman with amazing shit and... uh, ma'am, are you okay?" I asked as she cringed again.
"I'm... Commander Shepard and this ship is the Normandy," she said to me, trying to remind me what I had forgotten. Oh, okay, what canon is this? Is this some kind of sub-section of Star Wars? Maybe I'm stuck in one of those "extended universe" Star Wars novels my friend used to talk about back home.
"Okay, uh, Commander? My name is Art?" I asked her carefully.
"Well, you're ****** ********* and you're a serviceman aboard this ship. You were trained in firearms by our... former gunnery chief, Ashley Williams. You helped us save the universe from the threat of the Reapers and are on another mission to save the universe again," the commander explained.
"Ashley Williams... Ash," I mused to myself. No way in hell—just, no...
"Yes, she preferred to be referred to as Ash," Shepard said with a slight smile.
"I think part of his memory is coming back," the doctor said.
"Thank goodness," Shepard said. Well, I'll refer to her as her name in my head since using "the commander" seems incredibly cumbersome.
"May I go explore the ship?" I asked. I almost asked "Can I?" but proper grammar. This is a foreign universe to me. Proper grammar and efficient communication is essential and vital.
"You may after the doctor gives you a more thorough analysis and she releases you," Shepard said to me before she left the room.
"Okay, hold still. This won't hurt," the doctor said to me. I smiled slightly to her. I hope she wasn't lying; I'm tired of doctors telling me nothing was going to hurt and in actuality it hurt like a bitch! I mean, you never know what might happen. It could be—
"Done," she said.
"Oh, wow, that didn't hurt at all! You're amazing," I said to her with a huge smile.
"It was a simple matter of compiling information of an analysis of your brain waves. It was done by managing to use ultrasonic frequencies of this-"
"I'm a musician, not a doctor," I interrupted while holding my head and massaging my temples.
"Oh, well, I'll put it plainly, then. I need to examine your brain waves to assess the extent of the damage. You are free to go, though," the doctor said.
"Thank you very much," I said to her. With that, I left the room. Hey, I just realized I'm not wearing my glasses! Score! Although, what's with this long hair I have? I think next chance I get, I'm chopping it off until it's short enough to spike.
So... this is the ship Ash is from. Okay, so let's see. This ship couldn't be too hard to navigate. Could it?
Okay...
... okay...
... uh, no, that's a bathroom.
How about here? This dark area kinda looks like a hidey hole. Maybe it's best I don't go there... I might get into trouble.
... I'm lost. Where's the kitchen at? Like, food stuff? Is it this way? I opened the door to a room and immediately knew I was lost.
"Art? You okay?"
I turned to the person speaking to me. It was the commander.
"Uh, sorta. I'm lost," I said sheepishly.
"Oh, well, um, I can give you a tour of the ship. Don't you want to talk to Tali first, though?" Shepard asked.
"T-Tali?" I asked carefully. "Is this Tali a friend of ours?"
Shepard looked at me for a second before facepalming. I'm going to guess this Tali is an important person to this ship.
"She's... nevermind. Anyway, is your memory coming back?" Shepard asked me, a slight tone of worry in her voice.
"Yeah, I vaguely remember fireballs and shadow balls and thunderbolts and a food supply tent getting burned down," I said.
"... bad camping experience when you were younger?" Shepard asked.
"Probably... or probably a dungeons and dragons match," I said in reply. I never played Dungeons and Dragons before, but my mind is coming back to me. I guess the shock of being here sorta shorted out my memory, but I'm remembering things and nothing is making much sense still.
"Well, where are you trying to go?" Shepard asked.
"I was actually contemplating going to the kitchen...esque... area... thing. To, um, get food?" I said timidly.
"Art, you don't have to be so shy around us. We're all family... well, until you came out about yourself to us, but we're adjusting," Shepard said.
"Oh, okay. Hey, commander?" I said.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Ask me if I'm an orange," I said.
"Uh... why are you asking me that?" Shepard asked.
"Trust me," I said with a small smile and a little wink.
"Are... you an orange?"
"No."
...
... there was silence for a few seconds before the audible sound of a facepalm, coupled with the sight of Shepard shaking her head. Still, I could see she was smiling a little.
"Aha, aha! I got you to smile!" I said with a huge grin on my face. "Stupid, yet effective. Just gotta apply the KISS principle."
"The what?"
"My college professor told me once to... ahem... Keep It Simple, Stupid! I prefer replacing 'stupid' with 'shithead'. I just find that the connotation of a swear word fits more appropriately to the scenario."
"Uh... Art, I... nevermind," Shepard said before sighing and walking into a room. In front of me was a place with tables and chairs and—ooh, is that food I smell?
"Hey, Art!" someone called out from behind the counter.
"Hey!" I replied with a smile as I waved.
"Look, Sturge... Art here has some temporary amnesia of sorts and I'm trying to re-acquaint him with the ship."
"Really, Art?" Sturge asked me with a suspicious look in his face.
"Uh, that's what the doctor says. Either way, I don't know how I got on this ship," I replied.
"Well, we could always discuss it with a few people," Sturge said.
"Perhaps we could. This is surreal, though. I feel like Luke Skywalker," I said with a small smile.
"Wouldn't you say Darth Vader is the actual hero of the entire movie franchise?" he asked me.
"It'd be interesting plot-wise to note that the hero is meeting and working with the antagonist Palpatine," I remarked.
"I'll have Princess Leia meet with Luke later," Sturge remarked. What? Did I just make references to Earth pop culture with someone? How bizzare...
"Uh, sure," I said slightly awkwardly. What was that all about? "Anyway, so... um, Struge? You are, like, the cook here or something? Is there anything possible I can consume?"
"Uh, well, um, there's today's meal," Sturge said. I nodded and grabbed some of the food. Shepard got her own meal as well. I sat down at a table and she sat down across from me.
"I'm so thankful that you are showing me around. I hope I can figure out what the hell is going on soon, though," I said. Seriously... how did I end up here?
"Well, at least I think we can rule out that you were on a stim trip," Shepard said. I thought I detected a slight bite in the tone there, but that's probably just me.
"Stims? You mean, like, stimulants? I'd never touch that kind of stuff," I remarked while shrugging. "That's kinda bad for your body... I think?"
"Indeed they are," she said.
"Oh god, this food smells good! I wonder how it tastes," I said as I took a bite. It was heavenly.
"It's like Oscar's cooking!" I said aloud.
"Oscar?" Shepard asked.
"The grouch?" Sturge added from the kitchen.
... oh shit.
"... uh, someone I knew from a place not here," I said with a shrug.
"I see. He must have been excellent," Shepard said.
"One of the best I've tasted. I'd say the best, but I don't know... Sturge here is excellent... possibly even better," I remarked.
"Thank you, Art," Sturge commented.
"No problems, bossman! Er, I mean, you know, figure of speech," I said hastily.
"Don't worry, Art," Shepard mentioned.
At that moment, the door to the area opened. There was a person standing there. Wait, that was the suit figure thing that I woke up next to earlier. The girl in a suit who sounded, well, kinda cute. I mean, not as cute as Jill, but...
... hey, I miss having a voice in my head.
"Commander Shepard. Art. It's good to see you both," she said tentatively.
"Tali, I need to tell you something," Shepard replied.
Wait, Tali was supposed to be important. I remember Shepard mentioned her earlier. I woke up to find Tali in my arms. Wait a second. That means...
... that means...
... I'm dating her! Whoa, WHAT? BACKTRACK AND REWIND!
This is more confusing than figuring out how to get politicians to agree.
"Art lost his memory?" Tali asked. Whoa, did I get that lost and wrapped up in my thoughts? When did Shepard get up and when did she have time to tell Tali?
"It's some kind of temporary, partial amnesia," Shepard said.
"Hey, um, hey... uh... hi, Tali," I said.
"Hi... Art," she said to me in a slightly sad tone. Oh, don't sound like that, please. This is only temporary. I hope...
"Don't sound so down, girl! Everything'll be okay! I promise... and that's my way of the nin—just realized something here," I said.
"What?" Shepard asked.
"What if... this is permanent?"
"Then you better get re-acquained with life on this ship as fast as you can," Shepard said.
"Perhaps I should start learning now," I said.
"We should go down to meet the people that aren't at odds with you," Shepard said. Geez, why are people at odds with me? It's not like I hid a secret from them for months to years about how their world is a video game and lied that I was high of some drug, right? Nah, I couldn't be that farfetched.
Haha, Farfetch'd. That's a Pokemon! For some odd reason, I began humming the pokemon theme song. Shepard and Tali gave me an odd look and I quickly quelled my attempts at remembering my old self.
"I'll be seeing you around, Tali! We have so much to talk about the next time we talk!" I said with a smile.
"Uh... goodbye...?" Tali said. Well, um, I guess it can't hurt to try something. I walked over to her and gave her a warm embrace. I let go and smiled at her and she seemed to be a little more energetic. I hope when things are fixed, that hug will make things better! She watched Shepard and I as we left the area to meet some people.
Shepard and I stopped in front of a door; she knocked twice and waited for an answer. The door opened gently all the way open and I jumped back in surprise and slight fear. Oh my god! Who or what the hell is... he? She? What?
"Art, you okay?" the... person...ish...thingy in front of me asked.
"Sorry, just a little twitchy today. The door opening scared me," I lied. Definitely not human, but definitely an ally.
"Can I help you, commander? I was doing some calibrations..."
"I needed to speak to you, Garrus," Shepard said.
"What about?"
"Well, Art here has had some kind of amnesia and can't really remember what happened since he got on the Normandy or even how he got on here. He can't remember any of us," Shepard explained.
"Really? He doesn't even remember teaching about The Game to Wrex?" Garrus asked.
"... damn it, Ashera!" I said. Even in some fucking twisted alternate universe, I still lose the game!
"No, but I guess he still knows about it," Shepard commented with a slight chuckle.
"That infinite hellhole of a fucking no-win scenario! Learning about it is such a catch-22!" I said while facepalming. "Yet we are bound by its limitations, scarred for life by the very mention of those two words. Mere mention of those devilish minions, working in tandem to bring anger and despair upon those foolish enough to be entwined by its—uh, why are you looking at me like that?"
"You seem to be rather... wordy... today," Shepard said.
"I am? I feel kinda... not-shy anymore," I said with a smile.
"Well, that's good that you're starting to get some of your old self back," Shepard said. At that, I saw Tali walking toward us.
"Oh, Tali! Welcome back to our group," I said to her cheerfully.
"I just contacted alomst everyone for the Brotherhood meeting. I only needed Garrus here and Madison," Tali said.
"The Brotherhood? As in, like, X3?" I asked.
"X3?"
"X-men thr—nevermind... what's this Brotherhood?" I asked.
"Come and you'll find out," Garrus said. "I'll get Madison."
Madison? Gah, my mind's so screwed up right now.
"Okay," I said. I stopped trying to question things. Maybe this meeting will explain everything.
I made my way over to this meeting area and went inside. Soon, a few other people filled into the room. There was some other alien-ish looking person here too. Hey, even the doctor is in on this.
"So, now what?" I asked.
"Call the meeting to order," Tali said to me.
"Oh, um, this meeting of the... the... what was it?"
"The Brotherhood," Sturge said.
"Oh yeah. I'm calling this meeting of the Brotherhood to order. Anyone have any questions before we begin?" I asked.
"Yeah. What happened?" Sturge asked.
"He woke up this morning and some reason started to panic. Next thing I know, he fainted, fell backward, and smashed his head on the wall. Left a small little streak of blood on the wall, too. I feared for his brain, but apparently, all he has is some slight amnesia," Tali said.
"Uh, guys, I have a confession," I said.
"Already? We just started the meeting," someone commented.
"Madison, let the man speak," the alien-ish guy said. Hey, he's sitting kinda close to the commander. I bet something's going on between them... ooh, that'd be an interesting thing to watch play out.
"Okay, so, I know this will sound incredibly hard to believe..." I said before trailing off. I'm not sure how to say this.
"I think we've recently had our fair share of the out of the ordinary and impossible... from Art, no less. What can be worse than that?" another girl asked.
"Well, Kasumi, he could tell us he's actually a girl," Garrus commented. "It explains the voice."
"Don't even try to joke like that," Tali commented.
"What's wrong, Art?" Shepard asked, trying to cut the others off.
"I'm not sure how to word it," I replied.
"Well, tell us from the start," the girl named Kasumi commented.
"First of all, I'm not Art," I said. "I mean, I am, but I'm not."
"I think this goes with 'your world is a video game in my world' in believability," someone commented. I didn't see who it was or recognize the voice.
"The thing is, I haven't had amnesia," I said.
"Well, that's something I was going to address with you in private," the doctor said.
"You knew?" Shepard asked.
"I found out after I read the analysis. This is Art's body, but it isn't him... it's a different brain pattern, different reactions to words... it's like a new personality," she said.
"Oh, I'm glad you can corroborate my story," I said with a smile.
"Yeah, Art wouldn't use a word like that," Shepard commented.
"Wouldn't... or couldn't?" Garrus commented.
"Anyway, I'm from Earth... but apparently not from this time period. I left Earth in 2007 and got taken out and put into a video game I loved," I said.
"Featuring us?" Shepard asked.
"Uh... no... I actually don't know any of you," I said.
"Would you know me at least?" Madison asked.
"Uh?" I asked.
"You have to remember where I'm from, right? Heavy Rain?"
"Heavy Rain? In space? I don't think it'd be raining in space... unless it's a meteor storm!" I said with a huge, cheesy smile.
"Oh god, he's got the same puns," I heard Shepard say after she facepalmed. I saw Garrus facepalm as well.
"Really?"
"They're equally painful," Garrus commented.
"I guess I'm equally punful," I commented.
"Anyway, I think we established that, unlike Art, this person here doesn't know who we are," Shepard said.
"I'm John. I was zapped into some video game set in medieval times called Fire Emblem. Yeah, it's kinda weird going from Earth in 2007 to some game set in the medieval ages in our history. I dual-wielded magic swords and was a mage. I fell asleep after a battle, and woke up in Art's body. I have no idea why," I commented.
"Safe to say he's in yours?" Madison asked.
"... oh god, if he is... we're in the middle of a revolution as freedom fighters. We're the last hope of our land. I hope he's okay," I said.
"Ever notice it's always people saving the world that we meet?" Garrus commented.
"Any way to get back?" Madison asked.
"I have no idea. I don't even know how I got here," I said.
"If you're stuck in this body for good, we may have to re-train you," Shepard said.
"I like this body. It's nice and athletic. Do you know how horrible it is to have bad vision and wear glasses in a world where glasses weren't invented yet? If I broke my pair, I'd be fucked. Not to mention, as a mage, I have to be knowledgable and I have to study constantly? My body's weak, excluding the constant marching we do everyday. It's nice to be not weak for once in my life," I said.
"That's our friend's body, though," Kasumi commented.
"I know, I know... we'll figure something out," I said.
"For now... I'm a bit tired out. I apologize for dropping a bomb on you and then cutting the meeting short, but for some reason, I feel tired," I said.
"It is quite fine, Ar—John," Shepard said.
"Say, who trained Art? Maybe that person could train me," I asked.
"... she died in action two years ago... our gunnery chief Ashley Williams," Shepard said.
"Oh yeah, you mentioned that earlier," I said.
Wait... Ash! Holy fuck, this is surreal! Ash as in the Ash that—no, no way... it's a coincidence. Ashley is a common name and Williams is as well. I'm sure there's other people with that name that wears armor that can travel dimensions.
"Everything okay?" Shepard asked.
"Just had stuff on my mind. I'm going to head to my room," I said. "I guess this meeting's adjourned?"
"You answered our questions... well, to the best of your ability," Shepard said.
"It's the least I can do. If I'm stuck like this, I pray I won't be a burden to you," I said.
"I hope we can say the same for Art," she said.
"... if he can memorize hundreds of incantations for fire, wind, thunder, light, and dark magic... as well as research tomes in libraries for more information on the elements to boost the power of his spells... as well as re-learn the technique for dual-wielding the swords in frontlining combat... as well as-"
"I worry for him," Shepard said.
"I do as well," I added.
"Wait, you're a magic spellcaster and you're in the front lines?" Shepard asked.
"I'm an applied mage rather than a theoretical mage. I apply my magic to my magic swords, creating concussive blasts of energy and armor when necessary rather than standing in the back and tossing fireballs. That job's incredibly boring. Still, I get nervous sometimes. I guess you could say I'm a ballsy pussy," I commented with a smile.
"Art would tell you that the term you just used is an oxymoron," Shepard said.
"Perhaps," I said. "I still need to find my way back to my room... if you don't mind, Commander."
"It's this way," Shepard said as she led me through the hallways. We finally arrived back to my—er, Art's room.
"Commander... I'd just like to say something," I said.
"Yes, John?"
"Even though I just met you and I'll probably never meet you again... it has been an honor to meet you. You're a really nice person and understanding of my situation. If there was a way to repay you, I would," I said. I bit my tongue about Ash, though.
"I wish you luck in getting home and... I wish you luck in your revolution when you get back," Shepard said.
"I wish you and Art and the crew luck in your mission. It's funny... so many people live such normal lives... and despite all we do, I find myself envying them and their normality sometimes," I said.
"Only at times. Then I remember that helping others is a good feeling. So long as I live, I'll save the universe from the threat looming over us, even if we're swept under the carpet and unappreciated," Shepard said.
"Well, you have my vote of approval," I said. "I'll will my support from where I am."
"Thanks," Shepard said.
"Well, um, if I do go back soon somehow, this is a goodbye. So, um, goodbye, Commander Shepard."
"Any requests?" Shepard asked me.
"Well, if I'm here tomorrow, do you think you have any artichokes in the kitchen for Sturge to make? I have an obsession with those things..."
"Uh... I'll ask, if you're still here," Shepard said.
"Goodnight," I said.
"Good...night," Shepard replied with a small smile and walked off. I went into my room and lay down in the bed. I hope Art is okay. I mean, he has to deal with magic training with Selena. That's hell as is... and teaching Leo the bow... and Ashera knows what else.
"Art—I mean, John?"
I looked to the now opened door to see Tali standing there.
"Er, hi Tali," I said.
"I'm sorry for intruding upon you," she said.
"It's fine," I said.
"Are you well?" she asked.
"I am quite well," I replied with a smile.
"You can tell me the truth," Tali said.
"To be honest, I'm scared shitless. I haven't been this scared since I was pulled from Earth and pulled to Tellius. I'm once again in an unfamiliar world, this time I don't know what's going to happen in the future nor do I know the characters. I'm hoping Art is doing well wherever he is... and if he's in my body, I hope he's doing well. We're doing an uphill battle in saving the world and sometimes I just don't know if we can handle the pressure anymore," I said.
"I... see," Tali said.
"You're a really nice person, though. I can just sense your aura. You're so kind and understanding and I can see why anyone would like you," I said with a smile. "Art's lucky to have you."
"I find myself lucky to have him," Tali replied.
"Indeed... well, I'm sorry to fade so fast, but I'm starting to really get fatigued. I guess everything that happened has taken its toll on me," I said.
"Okay, goodnight John," Tali said.
"Goodnight, Tali... I won't forget you guys when I go back. You have a... very... good... dynamic," I said through yawns. I soon fell into slumber land...
I woke up to bad vision, canvas in front of me, and laying in my sleeping bag. Well, this isn't the future or the warm bed I had last woke up to. It was about ten or so minutes before dawn it seems. I saw Micaiah walking around camp and smiled to her.
She gave me the weirdest look. Oh god, what did Art do?
"Micaiah, it's me! John. Actual John... not just someone in my body," I said to her with a smile.
"Nice to see you back," Jay said.
Likewise.
Maybe this isn't familiar like Earth or comfortable in its futuristics like the Normandy was, but... there's no place like home... and there's no home for me like Tellius.
Author's Notes: Hey everyone! Foxwolf Jackson of Spellbinding Radiance here! I guess it's probably time to tell you—shit, I heard Final Fantasy VII's Cid telling me not to say things like a damn wimp. Anyway...
April Fool!
Herr Wozzeck and I were talking on AIM and I was mentioning I needed to possibly borrow Art for a little small canon scene in my fic (to tie in why Ash is there and stuff). I just wanted to have a dream sequence of the part in MV where she died... but we got this hilariously crazy idea to do this freaky friday shit and I was like, "Hellz yeah!"
Double bonus score in that April Fool this year IS on a Friday. Booyah!
... okay, seriously, I need to lay off the Kim Possible, which has been stuck in my head for the past week or so.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the chapter. I never played Mass Effect before and my only ME knowledge is from this fic and Herr Wozzeck; forgive me if I fly from canon.
So yeah, hopefully you enjoyed this little ditty... or if you look at the table behind you, you'll find a huge load of rotten tomatoes! *flees* AIM AT ART!
Hey, if it splats artistically on him, can we call it art on Art?