A/N: Paper Mario characters like the various Merlons and Merlees and whatnot are the Shamans I mention here. Except the SPM ones, at any rate: they're Ancients. The more you know!

Chapter 35: Bowseritis

"Doctor, your next patients are here."

Mario, Luigi and the nurse all watched Toadley expectantly, but the doctor didn't even turn to look at his intern as she spoke. He hadn't even moved when she walked over beside him, instead standing with his eyes closed, facing away from the door and the two brothers who were now standing in the middle of his room.

Even from behind, they could see he was no ordinary doctor: instead of scrubs, he wore an indigo robe that flowed all the way down to the floor, more like a Magikoopa or a Shaman, although the mushroom cap atop his head suggested he was a Toad. Still, the unique yellow stars of various sizes that spangled the indigo cap, which was topped by a blue orb, made the Bros. wonder if perhaps he was simply wearing a cap to look like the mushroom folk, like Peach's father. They had even heard that the doctor wore a veil over his mouth, and looking around the room, decorated as it was with a pair of strange pillars topped by glowing yellow orbs, numerous clay urns atop the shelves of medicine, and walls painted like the night sky, they wondered if perhaps he was a Shaman.

While the Mario Bros. wondered about the mysterious diagnostician, the silence stretched on, and after a moment, the nurse decided to break it. "Uh… Doctor?"

"GRAVE ILLNESS!" he suddenly shouted, causing Mario and Luigi to jump. Toadley didn't even look around at them as he continued speaking, his gravelly voice booming in the dimly lit room. "Do these two men have an incredibly grave illness? Yes. Will there be catastrophic results if we do not cure their ills? There certainly will."

"But we're-a not sick," said Mario. "We're here to ask about the-a-"

"Silence!" ordered the doctor, his back still to the Bros. He could sense there was something off about them even without looking at them. There was something wrong with their energies. Something gravely wrong. Something invisible to the eye, yet plain as day to the mystic. A creeping in their very souls. But Toadley knew better than to try and explain that: only a fellow mage would understand, so like with the Toads he kid-gloved day in and day out, he put it in words he was sure the humans would understand. "You men harbor a virus most deadly. Is it gradually emerging? It most certainly is."

As he raised a hand towards the crystal ball on his table, his intern turned to the Bros. "This crystal imaging is how the doctor diagnoses patients. Watch carefully."

"Yes…" breathed Toadley as he focused all his attention on the auras of his latest patients. "Do I see it? I do." He murmured as his mind's eye investigated the tarnished souls, the clouds in the crystal swirling as he slowly picked out the foreign energy pattern. "And did it emerge? It did." He had it now, but it was no ordinary echo in the ether. It was something more. Complex and powerful… and evil. "A most deadly virus that will surely spell your doom." He enigmatically continued his narration, flaring his nostrils as he urged the crystal to identify the energy for him, calling upon his greatest powers of clairvoyance to solve the puzzle.

The nurse watched with bated breath and even the Mario Bros. were curious, craning their necks to see the face emerging in the crystal before the doctor. Had Starlow been corporeal at that moment, she would have been sweating: she could feel Dr. Toadley testing her illusion, and she feared the image in the crystal ball might shatter her web of white lies.

"It is…called…" The answer was tantalizingly close, and suddenly the crystal cleared. A tan snout, one corner curling up into a sneer; one bushy eyebrow dropping lower as the eye narrowed. Red hair, white teeth; curved horns and a large shell; green and yellow scales. A Dragon-Koopa and black magic user – Toadley should have known. And now that he knew the Koopa King's energy, he realized that the taint carried by the Mario Bros. wasn't the only source of Bowser's energy in the vicinity and spun around, pointing towards the door. "BOWSERITIS!"

Mario and Luigi's eyes widened as they caught sight of Bowser's face in the crystal ball, watching as it laughed and gasping in surprise as the villain's voice filled the room.

"MWAHAHA! Somebody page me?"

Mario and Luigi blanched as they realized the sound wasn't part of the show. They spun around and cried out in alarm as Bowser himself stepped out of the shadowy hallway, the sneer on his face matching the one in the crystal behind them.

"Indeed! A virus most vile shows itself at last!" said Toadley, tucking his arms back under his robe as he viewed Bowser pensively. "And is this the virus that plagues you men? It is." Toadley rambled on absent-mindedly – literally, for he had already shifted his mind's eye from the Bros. to Bowser. He had never had the pleasure of being in the presence of a Dragon-Koopa before, and could sense the raw energy coursing in the creature's veins from across the room. It was no mystery why some circles of mages called Bowser, the most powerful Koopa in generations, the demon king. Toadley knew the Mushroom Kingdom was fortunate that their enemy wasn't smart or skilled enough to put his magic to good use: from what the doctor had heard, the few times Bowser did call upon the black arts, he had actually given the Mario Bros. a run for their money. And it appears he has managed to do something to them now, too. "And is it a pox on body and soul? It is." riddled Toadley as he wondered what exactly had happened.

"A pox? You're a pox!" growled Bowser.

But there was something wrong with him too. Like the Mario Bros., Bowser clearly didn't feel it himself, but even though Toadley was unfamiliar with normal Dragon-Koopa energy patterns, he could tell there was something affecting the king as well as the plumbers. "I must be frank with you. Bowseritis is powerful." Knowing he needed more time to suss out what was going on, Toadley pulled out a prescription book and began scribbling nonsense as he babbled. "Recovering from it takes quite a bit of time. I'm prescribing ten days' worth of antibiotics..." Whatever had happened between the Koopa and the humans, it wasn't one way: just as the Mario Bros. were veiled in the Koopa King's shadow, so too were their energies infecting him. But theirs were far fainter, buried deep, and not alone.

"Take these three times a day..." Toadley continued, furiously trying to figure out what was wrong with the Dragon-Koopa. If he didn't know better, he might have said Bowser was a pregnant mother of octuplets, if not more – it was like he was filled with souls that didn't belong to him. But that wasn't possible. And he couldn't get a clear picture: it was as if something or someone was actively clouding his mind. "…With food, preferably." But before the flummoxed doctor could think of anything else to say, Bowser lost patience and lunged.

Mario and Luigi jumped over the Dragon-Koopa as he slid across the carpet, but Toadley was not as fast and scaly fist met face, sending the doctor flying. The nurse jumped up and down in place, wordlessly panicking while Mario and Luigi nimbly landed near the front of the room, glaring at Bowser as he turned around.

"Mario! And Green 'Stache!" he snarled. "So you two dolts wanna get the Dark Star, huh?" Bowser couldn't believe his useless minions hadn't known that the Bros. were in town, but he guessed he shouldn't have been surprised. Whenever trouble was afoot, Mario and Luigi just had to get involved, after all – they just had to be goody-goodies and set things right. They were probably the ones sniffing around Fawful's barrier – it would have been nice if that useless Shy Guy spy or whoever had made sure his superior got the memo about who the crazed little Bean was talking to, signal interference or no signal interference. But of course, thinking back on it, who else could it have been? Bowser knew for a fact that no Toad would dare approach a captured castle, and his eyes narrowed as another thought struck him. "AND you're trying to retake Peach's Castle?"

Mario and Luigi returned the Koopa's steely gaze, and Bowser snorted, the flames already flickering in the back of his throat. "No way! Both the Dark Star and Peach's Castle should be mine!" It was Mario's fault that this had all happened, after all, and what exactly had been doing all this time? Bowser was the one who'd been fighting Fawful and his grunts all this time – if anything, he deserved the spoils of this war. And what would Mario and Luigi do with an evil star anyway? Feed it pasta and hope it turns good? Have Peach bake it a cake?

And that was another thing they weren't getting their mitts on: Peach was in the castle, and Bowser would be the one saving her this time. Then she'd kiss him as thanks for rescuing her, and then she'd realize how stupid Mario was and how awesome Bowser was and fall in love with him. The Dark Star would be his, the castle would be his, Peach would be his… No way was he letting Mario stop him this time, and Bowser roared in determination. "THEY WILL BE MINE!"