PLEASE NOTE: I AM NOT THE AUTHOR OF THIS FANFIC. ALL RIGHTS GO TO mental OF HARRYPOTTERFANFICTION. This story was removed from hpff, so I reposted here so that fans could have access to it. I am not mental. From this point on, all content belongs solely to mental.
Chapter 37: I Knew a Woman, Lovely in Her Bones
Really, was all Ze's brain could come up with, never definitely would've been too soon.
She couldn't quite manage to voice the thought though: her vocal chords still seemed to be warming up with a nice steady "gghhhhh" that had her back teeth vibrating like tuning forks. Sirius and James were looking like they hadn't even got to the Thought Formation Stage yet; both were staring gape-jawed at Peter, who was quivering like the proverbial bowl full of jelly.
'I really didn't mean to,' Pete was blathering hysterically. 'It wasn't my fault, she was just there and before I knew it -'
'What the fuck, Wormtail?' And suddenly James was back with them. 'What the fuck?'
Codenames, Ze's brain grimaced. Not good.
'You shagged her? You shagged her?'
And italics - definite use of italics. Double question, too. When can we run?
But Ze's curiosity was now overriding her self-preservation instinct, because Peter was saying, 'Let me explain! It's not what you think - really!'
'How is it not what I think if I'm thinking you fucked Grace Harper?'
'Quiet voice,' Ze hear herself say soothingly as James's words echoed around the tiny alcove. 'Remember your quiet voice.'
James spared Ze a murderous glower and whirled back to Peter, who was now cowering pitifully against the wall. 'How is it not what I think if I'm thinking you -'
'You don't have to whisper, Prongs,' came Sirius's voice, the tone stopping them all still in surprise. No bitterness, no furiousness, just a morose resignation seeping out of every word. 'Just try to keep the echoes to a minimum.'
'Sorry,' James said, suddenly meek, and Ze had a feeling that if he were to give in to his Inner Serena, he would be giving Sirius a hug any second now. Not that a hug would be out of place: in addition to morose and resigned, Sirius looked positively exhausted, his face tinged grey as he slouched against the wall. 'Are you...' James began, only to trail off - because, really what did you say? "Which one do you want to disembowel first?" probably captured the essence of the situation, but it was really just a bit gauche.
At the sound of his friend's voice, Sirius's hand clenched into a fist, prompting Peter to let out a terrified whimper. The fingers relaxed again instantly, twitching slightly as they went. 'I'm not going to strangle you, Pete,' Sirius murmured quietly, raising his hand to rub tiredly at his eyes. 'I just...'
'I'm sorry,' Peter said, only just too quietly to be a wail. 'I am so sorry.'
'You should be,' James snapped, and Ze winced: the most dreaded of all rejoinders, "you should be" was so serious it was generally reserved for use by incensed mothers and other divine powers. To hear it on the lips of one Marauder to another was enough to induce Catholic levels of vicarious guilt.
'Prongs,' Sirius said quietly, and James subsided, though he still looked dangerously close to baring his teeth and other, similar, shows of masculine anger. At least it wasn't Lily, Ze thought. Then he'd be pissing on things
Sensing that this might be one of those things that was best sorted in a Boys Only setting, Ze channelled her inner wallpaper and tried to sidle toward the door before the real arguing could heat up. Unfortunately, this meant slipping by Sirius. As she neared him he reached out a hand, capturing one of hers neatly and giving it a brief but tight squeeze. Ze, unused to these sorts of things, took a moment to work out precisely what was going on. Hand - squeeze - flee - oh shit. I'm trying to escape, she groaned to herself, and he thinks I'm sneaking over for a hug! Still, in the massive queue of indignities Sirius had suffered at her hands, this was at least one he didn't have know about and, resigning herself to what was sure to be a blazing row, Ze squeezed his hand back and slouched against the wall beside him.
'Why?' James was now asking Peter, the confusion in his voice as obvious as the strain as he attempted to keep his volume low. 'No, bugger why - how?'
Still looking entirely miserable, but much less likely to wet himself, Peter uncurled slightly and said, 'I just - she just - look, she was just there, okay? And I knew it was wrong and I knew you would hate me but it was completely her fault! She came to me and -'
At this Sirius went completely rigid and Ze heard her own voice snapping out, 'What d'you mean she came to you?'
Quaking visibly, Peter darted his eyes towards Ze and Sirius and then back to James. It was glowers all around with a side helping of sinister body language, and Pete evidently decided that it would be best to just give up the ghost. 'It was Saturday night, yeah, and I was asleep in my bed,' he began, licking his lips but gaining resolve when no one immediately went for his jugular. 'So I'm dreaming that there's this - ' his eyes darted to Ze again and he blushed and said, 'Never mind. My point is, suddenly she's just there - kissing me.
Really,' he gurgled when James growled threateningly.
'Kissing you?' James repeated scathingly. 'Why would Grace just get in your bed and -'
'She wanted information, didn't she?' Ze said bitterly. 'So she went to the best place she could think of getting it.'
'Yes!' Peter cried, nodding rapidly as though Ze had stolen the words from the tip of his tongue. 'Yes, exactly! I know that now - I know that I'm completely stupid, but believe me I didn't mean to!'
'So what?' James snarled rounding on Peter once more. 'So you just wake up with Grace's tongue down your throat and think, "brushing my teeth really does get them in – brilliant"'
'No,' Peter said miserably. 'No, it wasn't like that. She thought she'd got into Sirius's bed, and it was so dark she couldn't see and she thought she was snogging you,' he mumbled, not quite able to meet Sirius's eyes. 'She's horribly lonely, and she really misses you -'
'And bollocks,' Ze finished for him as she felt the flesh of Sirius's arm break out in goose pimples against her own. 'Don't be stupid Pete - she knew, okay? She knew she was crawling into your bed and she knew the easiest way to get you to talk was to snog you - and that's crap, but it's what happened. So spare us the excuses because they aren't going to mean any more to us than they did to you.' Peter and James were both looking mildly shocked by this outburst, but Ze felt vindicated the moment Sirius squeezed her hand again.
James shook his head slightly and said, 'I still don't see how you could do it Pete. I don't care how gorgeous Grace is, she's Sirius's ex-girlfriend and you just don't -'
'I understand,' Sirius said quietly, his voice still flat and free of any hint of anger or bitterness. They all looked at him in surprise, but he was looking only at Peter. 'Look mate, I really do - I know what it's like to have Grace right there in front of you, looking at you and talking to you and making it seem like you're the only person in the entire world who matters.' He drew a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. 'And I know what it's like to have her touching you, so I know why you didn't tell her to stop.'
Peter peered up at him, the first vestiges of hope blooming in his eyes. 'You - you're not going to kill me?' he asked breathlessly.
Sirius flashed a crooked smile that was really more of a grimace and shook his head.
James and Ze were both gaping at him. 'But - how are you - how can you not be angry?' James finally stuttered out.
'Oh I'm angry,' Sirius said immediately. 'Fucking furious, in fact. But the basic truth is that Pete got played - the same way I did, and the same way everyone who gets involved with Grace gets played. And yeah,' he continued, looking back at Pete, who was looking ready to dive behind the nearest barrier at the first hint of violence, 'part of that was your fault. But I've been where you were, and I can say that, faced with Grace crawling up you in the dark, there aren't very many things you aren't going to be willing to tell her.'
'He still shouldn't have -' James began, only to have Sirius interrupt him again.
'No, he shouldn't have - but he did. And us standing here snarling at one another about it is only going to make things worse.' Sirius ran his free hand over his face and through his hair, and this time it was Ze who found herself instigating the squeeze. 'Look, the whole point of Grace going after one of us was to get us fighting, wasn't it? If she could get information off of Pete at the same time, so much the better. But don't think for one second that her original plan wasn't to break the four of us up.' James still looked mulish, and Ze didn't need a translator to tell her that "the four of us" equalled the Marauders. 'Why do you think she didn't bother going after Rob?' Sirius was asking James quietly.
'Because we would've been pissed off, but we might not have killed him,' James admitted after a further moment's jaw-clenching.
It was Peter who broke the subsequent silence. 'Y-you mean she didn't...' he trailed off slowly.
'Fancy you for yourself?' Ze asked, irony thick in her tone. 'Sorry Pete, don't see that happening.' Her words might have been a bit crueller than necessary, but she wasn't as ready to forgive as Sirius seemed to be.
'Grace doesn't rate anyone but herself,' Sirius explained to Peter in gentler tones than Ze had used. 'She's completely conceited and up her own arse - she's just so gorgeous to look at you don't care.'
Peter, who was now looking almost as mutinous as James, shook his head. 'Oh, I care,' he muttered darkly. Now that he wasn't fearing imminent evisceration, his backbone seemed to be firming up from gelatinous pudding to Victoria sponge. 'I'm going to tell her exactly how much I care, that lying -' and then Peter said a few things about Grace Ze rather thought she could have lived without knowing. The final clause had Sirius gong red at the cheeks and releasing her hand to rub embarrassedly at his nose.
It wasn't until Peter threw back his shoulders and made to march to the door that Ze said, 'Not so hasty, if you please.' It was such a good imitation of McGonagall that all three boys jumped and looked to see if they had been caught at something nefarious. Ze almost smiled, they looked so predictable. 'Moving as the little love sonnet was,' she said to Pete, 'I'm going to have to ask you not to recite it to the fair Grace just yet.' Pete gaped at her, and for a moment Ze wondered it she hadn't gone overboard on the Olde Englishe. 'You can't tell Grace you're onto her,' she explained. 'Not yet.'
'But -'
'Look, he's been completely maligned,' James said righteously - suddenly, Ze noticed, shoring back up with the friend he had so recently been ready to maim. Boys. 'You can't expect him to just stand for - '
'I can,' she interrupted calmly. 'And I do. Because let's be honest - really, brutally honest - difficult as I know that is for you lot.' When she quirked a brow at them they all shuffled their feet appropriately, and she continued. 'Let's just imagine the scenario where Peter stalks up to Grace and tells her off for secretly seducing him, exploiting his baser instincts to learn his deepest secrets.' They were all staring at her now, looking faintly confused. 'And then let's imagine the scenario where Grace gives him that look of hers, the one that says she's sure the dog's just peed on the carpet and would one of the servants please clean it up? For just one second let's think about what it's going to sound like when she stares at him and says, "I've got standards, and even if you could get one up, Pettigrew, it would never be in front of me."'
The confusion had morphed into commiserating grimaces, and James was muttering darkly. 'Yeah, but she'd never get away with it - Pete's seen her naked -'
'So what?' Sirius snorted, turning to his friend. 'He's going to draw a picture? This isn't The Last Prince of Avalon, Prongs, she hasn't got any convenient birthmarks.'
'So we're just supposed to stand back and wait for her to - what? What's she even going to do?' James asked, looking back and forth between the other three.
'She's already done it,' Ze said patiently, still amazed at how accurately Serena had predicted it all: Grace was definitely after breaking up the Marauders - she'd just settled on seducing Peter rather than Remus. 'She aimed to get one of you four under her thumb and she has - now she's just waiting for the best time to reveal the information.'
'But she can't reveal it if Pete's already called her bluff,' Sirius pointed out, sounding utterly puzzled.
'True,' Ze admitted, still patient. 'But if Pete goes off and tells her she's an evil conniving slag and he knows it, the problem isn't solved, it's just been put off another week or two. Look, this is not a quidditch match. Grace hasn't got some great master plan you can foil by destroying one little bit of it,' she explained. 'She's just out to cause as much trouble as she can, and she uses things as they come to her. It isn't particularly clever or even really all that villainous - she just gathers information bit by bit and then uses it against people. And right now, Pete happens to be her prime source of information...which means he's the perfect weapon.'
James and Sirius were gaping at her; Peter looked entirely pink. 'What?' James finally managed. 'That makes absolutely no sense!'
'Yes it does!' Ze cried, nearing the end of her limited supply of fortitude. 'Look, she's gotten information from Pete multiple times, and it's always been correct, hasn't it?'
'Multiple times?' James was gasping at the same time Sirius sighed ruefully and murmured, 'She always was persistent.'
Ze, who wasn't really keen on hearing any more of Grace's virtues, ignored this statement to look at Peter, who was once more looking like a mouse facing the business end of an alley cat. 'She always instigated it!' he cried helplessly. 'I just tried to mind my own -'
'You told her about the bet when she got to you on Saturday,' Ze broke in ruthlessly, not in the mood for any more tear-soaked confessions. 'And I'm guessing that on Monday she batted her eyes and you told her Allister and Zeke were going to talk with their girlfriends.' Peter looked ready to sink into the floor, and could only nod miserably in admission. 'I don't know when you she asked you whether Remus fancied Serena but - '
'What?' Sirius broke in, as this was definitely a change from the life-threatening topics that had come before.
'She asked,' Peter piped up, determined to defend himself. 'I just told her that I haven't heard Remus talk about Serena in ages! And I didn't mean to tell her about your being on the grounds on Tuesday night,' he added, one desperate apology after another. 'I honestly didn't - it just slipped out when she was - '
But this particularly damning admission had Ze interrupting him with a snarling 'What?'
The moment she broke his flow, Peter realised his mistake and attempted to suck the words back in, ending in an odd sort of choking grunt as his eyes pinged back and forth between James and Sirius. James was glaring murderously at Pete once more, muttering what sounded like a laundry list of torture implements under his breath, and Sirius was pinching the bridge of his nose as though someone had recently decided to drill for oil in his sinuses. Pete licked his lips nervously. 'I'll just go and find that Manacles then -'
Ze snagged him by the collar on his way past, effectively immobilising him with the threat of yet more strangulation. Gaze fixed on the middle distance, her brain whirred through the events of Tuesday night - of dancing naked, of eating sandwiches, of being chased by an enormous black dog that had apparently been stealing panties for years... Panties from the Gryffindor girls' dormitory, from everyone except the one girl who happened to be on the quidditch team... Narrowed eyes raked over James and Sirius, both of whom were shifting nervously in their shoes. Serena and Lily had seen a second animal - bigger, scarier, more teeth - than the black dog, hadn't they? 'The two of you have got a lot of explaining to do,' she informed the boys, the edge in her voice so sharp they could have shaved with it. 'But not right now,' she added when they both opened their mouths to tell the most spectacular lie in Marauder history.
'Right now,' she continued, 'we're going to forget about Tuesday night and Manacles and years of stealing knickers, and we're going to decide what Pete's going to tell Grace during their next little tryst.'
Sirius gulped. James gaped. Peter tried to recall the definition of the word tryst. 'I don't think they should have another tyre- trys- thingy,' James was saying, having grasped onto the subject-change like it was a security blanket. 'I think that would be a very bad idea,' he added significantly, nodding his head not-so-subtly in Sirius's direction.
'Prongs, the Tone With Extra Emphasis only works if the person you're talking about isn't paying attention,' Sirius said with a sigh.
'Will I have to shag her again?' Peter asked, and Ze tried to pretend he didn't sound hopeful.
'Is that how she usually gets information out of you?' she found herself asking sharply.
Peter went pink and Sirius said, 'well, if the method works...' Ze and James gaped at him. Sirius just looked back, all wide-eyed impatience. 'What? We want him to feed her lies, don't we?'
'How can you not care?' James all but shouted, completely astounded by this utter lack of lachrymal lassitude. 'How can you not care that he's - he's fornicating with your ex-girlfriend?'
'Fornicating?' Sirius and Peter chorused in confusion. 'Why didn't you just say -'
James drew himself up. 'There is a lady present,' he said stiffly.
'Where?' Ze asked, glancing around. 'It's just us - we couldn't fit another person if we tried.'
Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. 'Never mind. My point, Prongs, is that Grace doesn't owe me any allegiance - she can fornicate with whomever she pleases. And, because she's spiteful and vindictive, whomever happens to be Pete.'
'Perfidious bitch,' Peter mumbled bitterly. 'Just proves girls are rubbish - the only people you can trust are your mates,' he added righteously, only to have Sirius turn a cool and rather distant look on him.
'I said I wouldn't kill you Pete,' was the quiet reply. 'That doesn't mean I trust you or really respect you right now.'
There was a faint hiss of indrawn breath as both James and Ze thought Ouch! But, Ze reasoned, Pete shouldn't have expected anything less: betrayal - whether sex was involved or not - wasn't something to be taken lightly. Especially not when you were betraying a group of friends so tight they had their own name and a coterie of fangirls. Some things are just sacred. It was at this point that Ze realised she probably wasn't helping by pushing the issue of Peter continuing his clandestine meetings with Grace as a double agent. 'You know,' she burbled into the decidedly frosty atmosphere, 'maybe we should take a break to, er, confer.'
There was much darting of eyes. 'But aren't we conferring right... now?'
'Well, yeah,' Ze said, stalling with a bright smile as she tried desperately to come up with something. 'But that's just us...see... Lily!' she cried, her eyes landing briefly on James. 'I've got to see Lily,' she repeated, nodding rapidly. 'And Serena and Dorcas - I've got to tell them what's going on. And then we'll have to decide what we want Pete to tell Grace -'
'Why will they care?' Sirius was asking blankly.
'Revenge, Padfoot,' James reminded him. 'With Lily you never turn your back on the Revenge.'
'Isn't that a pirate ship?' asked Peter in tremulous tones.
'Sometimes, yes,' Ze replied, impatient for the madness to end - or, at least go on break for the night. Yes, she did need to impart this latest news to the other members of S.H.I.T.E.E. (Seeking Honourable Incapacitation and Thorough Evisceration of the Enemy), but Lily was on rounds, Dorcas was in the library, and Serena was probably still in the process of deflowering Remus - all activities Ze was loathe to interrupt. What she really needed to happen was for James to take Peter off for a fist-to-head discussion about why Thou Shalt Not Shag Thine Friend's Ex-girlfriend, leaving her alone with Sirius. She was fairly certain he would bare his soul - or at least his lips - and she could kiss it better. So really, all she needed to do was suggest to James –
'Pardon me, have you seen Zenobia Meridian?' The question came from the other side of the tapestries hiding the alcove, and the tone of the voice indicated that a photo of a decidedly shifty-eyed personage might have been shoved under someone's nose in accompaniment. Ze's blood ran cold - weren't The Authorities always asking questions like "pardon me, have you seen this person"? - until her brain managed to shout through "No no - that's just Dorcas looking for you!"
'No,' the insolent voice of a second or third year replied from the other side of the tapestries, and there followed a shuffle of paper and tapping of steps that said one party had moved off.
Squashed into the tiny alcove, the four of them had frozen instantly upon hearing Ze's name, and it was clear that none of the boys had recognised Dorcas's voice the way Ze had. So it was quite understandable that, when the tapestry concealing them was jerked unexpectedly back, they let out a collective - and extremely undignified - shriek. 'We're not doing anything!' James added shrilly, and far too guiltily.
Dorcas spared him a distinctly unimpressed glance before training her eyes on Ze. 'I need to talk with you,' she said without preamble, ignoring the existence of Peter and Sirius completely.
'Uh...okay?' Ze replied hesitantly from the rear corner of the alcove, thinking, Now? Seriously, Universe, NOW?
Dorcas perused the space with a shrewd eye for volume and judiciously said, 'I don't think I'll fit.'
'Eeek,' squeaked Peter.
'We'll come out!' promised James.
'The bow would probably put us at capacity,' Sirius agreed with a commiserating nod.
'I hate my life,' said Ze, but no one seemed to notice.
James was already sidling out of the alcove, hands raised as though Dorcas needed proof that he was unarmed; Peter was scuttling after him, and Sirius was heaving a sigh as he prised himself away from the wall. Ze had no choice but to follow, glum expression and resigned sigh in place. James was edging across the common room, obviously keen on escaping, but Sirius merely tucked his hands into his pockets and spared a faint smile for Dorcas before looking down at Ze. The smile deepened slightly, then shifted until it was more an apologetic quirking of the lips.
His eyes were unhappy and, worse, tired, and Ze very nearly told Dorcas to get stuffed. But then Sirius said, 'I should probably have a chat with Pete, see if I can't get this sorted,' and Ze mentally translated this to mean "he'll try to explain, I'll punch him a few times, we'll both cry for our mummies and everything will be fine."
'Yeah, okay,' she nodded, forcing a smile. 'But after, did you still want to...talk?' she asked, hoping she didn't sound completely stupid.
His eyes lightened by a shade at the mere thought and he nodded far too rapidly to look cool. 'Course - give me about an hour?'
Ze licked her lips: Lily would be back around then, so Dorcas would have someone to talk to, and if Serena was off with Remus then they definitely weren't dosing Grace with sleeping potion so she didn't need to worry about being back for that... 'An hour,' she said, suddenly feeling breathless. 'Okay, an hour.'
Sirius was looking slightly less nervous, but then his snogging history was somewhat less amphibious than Ze's was. 'Right,' he said, eyes still glittering. 'See you later then. Night Dorcas,' he added, turning to follow James and Peter up the stairs, looking marginally less depressed than he had moments before.
'Well you certainly cheered him up,' Dorcas commented slyly.
Ze could only grin. In one hour she would be receiving her first kiss - well, her first proper kiss anyway - and she had a feeling it was going to be perfect. Well, not perfect, really. In a perfect world Sirius's ex-girlfriend wouldn't be sleeping with one of his best friends, Ze wouldn't be plotting dastardly revenge against said girlfriend, and Dorcas wouldn't have a Polaroid camera. Oh, and there would be no bluebirds. And no squirrels. In fact, Walt Disney would never have even been born.
'Let's go upstairs,' Dorcas said, patting her bag covertly and giving Ze a Very Significant Look. 'This isn't the kind of stuff you talk about in front of people.'
Ah yes, thought Ze, and now we're back in reality - I can already smell the smoke. 'Right,' she sighed. 'Heaven forbid the people overhear us. After you,' she added, and followed Dorcas up the stairs.
'I've just been in the Library,' Dorcas explained as soon as the door swung shut behind them, and Ze marvelled yet again at the mystical capital L.
'Really?' she heard herself ask. 'Imagine that.'
'Don't mock me,' was the implacable reply. 'I know where Serena keeps her waxing strips and I could have your eyebrows off in less than a minute.'
The threatened parties sought cover under her fringe as Ze herself dropped onto her bed, mildly impressed. 'Consider me warned,' she said, all mocking gone from her voice. 'What's up?'
'This,' Dorcas said, and presented her with three pictures, all taken in the low, flickering light of the library. Like all photos developed my magical means the figures within these moved, and Ze found herself squinting at the exposures, attempting to puzzle out the action. 'Sorry about the quality. I was in stealth mode,' Dorcas explained over her shoulder. 'I had to disable the flash.'
'Hhhhnnn,' was all Ze said in reply. The photos appeared to be a sequence of three, the first showing what she dimly recognised as one of the darker, more abandoned corners of the library. She had just caught a flash of pale hair and, as she watched, the unmistakable figure of Grace Harper flounced down an aisle between two towering bookshelves; moments later, a second figure - this one brunette and definitely female - followed. Another moment's peering allowed Ze to deduce that the second girl was peering furtively over her shoulder as she turned into the aisle, and Ze quickly flipped to the second photo. The angle of this one was different, and it took her a moment to work out that Dorcas must have taken in it through a gap in the books on the shelf. It was at much closer range, offering no only a decent view of the Slytherin insignia on the dark-haired girl's robes, but also the fact that Grace was passing something into the girl's hands.
'Money,' Dorcas confirmed, just as Ze caught the telltale glint of coins. 'I think five sickles.'
'And this is just a close-up?' Ze asked, glancing at the third picture, which was a tight view of two pairs of hands exchanging something with a telltale gleam. 'Hang on -' she began, just as Dorcas said, 'No, that's from just a second later -'
'That's not money,' Ze said, glancing from the photo back up to Dorcas.
'No,' Dorcas said with a shake of her head. 'I think it's a potion phial - like the ones in the infirmary. It's the right size, and you can see just there, that little hint of blue. Definitely not money.'
'So Grace is buying mysterious potions in the back corner of the library?' Ze said sceptically. 'For what? And who's she buying from? I don't recognise this girl -'
'Obviously she's in Slytherin,' Dorcas said, pointing to the house crest on the girl's robes, 'but other than that I have no idea. I couldn't get a decent shot of her face, not with all that hair - and even if I could have, it's not like I know many of them, is it? I was hoping you or Serena or Lily might know her.'
'Lily probably will,' Ze agreed, her own database of recognisable Slytherins woefully empty. 'All I can tell you is she isn't on their quidditch team. And I'm guessing she's not a prefect, not if she's selling stuff like that to people like Grace. Any idea what potion it is?' she added, knowing it was a long shot - there was barely a gleam of blue - but feeling compelled to ask anyway.
'Not really,' Dorcas shrugged. 'There are loads of blue potions, aren't there? It could be anything - sleeping draught, headache potion, mild form of Veritaserum...' she trailed off innocently, and Ze's head snapped up as the possibilities clicked into place.
'Dorcas, you're a genius,' she breathed, leaping off her bed to pace. 'That would make so much sense.'
Dorcas smiled smugly and tapped the photographs against her hand. 'I'll admit I don't know that much about the milder forms of truth serum - that's a question for Miss Slug Club Lily - but I'm fairly sure the strongest form is clear, with weaker varieties running to either silver or blue in colour, and a faint effervescence when freshly brewed. I checked for bubbles,' she added, holding up the third photo, 'I'm fairly certain I can see a few.'
'So she's buying weak truth serum off of some Slytherin - the question is, how often and how much,' Ze murmured.
'And why weak truth serum,' Dorcas added, 'why not full strength?'
'Well she wouldn't need it, would she?' Ze pointed out. 'She's already got her little minions willing to tell her anything - really she just needs a way of making sure they don't hold back any details. And true Veritaserum's dangerous, so there are probably loads of Ministry regulations governing the use of it - not to mention you need massive amounts of unicorn hair, which means its virtually impossible for the average person to brew.'
'I didn't know you paid attention in Potions,' Dorcas said, sounding faintly surprised.
Ze blinked. 'I didn't know I did either.'
*.*.*
James, Peter and Sirius had got almost to their dormitory before they realised one very important fact: they absolutely could not go in. 'Awkward,' James said, staring at the latch on the door to their room. 'Realllly awkward.'
The three boys backed slowly down the stairs in unison (it had taken them ages to perfect the skill with minimum crushing-of-toes, and they might as well use it sometime) until they reached the sixth year dormitory, at which point Sirius - the proverbial caboose of the Marauder Express - knocked and popped his head in. He couldn't quite bring himself to say "cooee!" so he just said, 'Oi, what the hell is wrong with you?' when he spotted Rob seated dead in the middle of the room, head tilted back unnaturally far to better stare at the ceiling.
'Keep it down, will you?' was Rob's reply - issued without once looking away from the stones above.
Sirius, followed by Peter and James, stepped into the room, eyes darting around in a quick search for mind-altering substances. 'You drunk?' James asked baldly, ever the soul of discretion.
'Course not,' Rob said. 'Who'd want to be drunk at a time like this?'
The three sane boys exchanged a glance. 'A time like what?'
At this, Rob did look away from the ceiling to give James the sort of patient stare that wouldn't have been out of place on a primary school teacher. 'James, what room is directly above this one?'
'Our dormitory,' James replied instantly.
Sirius, who had already cottoned on, shook his head in disgust. 'Rob, you are the most repulsive person I have ever met,' he informed the younger boy.
This merely caused Rob to beam mistily at him. 'Ah, thanks Sirius.' And then he went back to staring at the ceiling, libidinous grin in place.
'I still don't -' James began, only to be cut off by Rob.
'You ever listened to two people shag, Potter?'
'No,' James said blankly.
'Me either,' Rob replied happily. 'But there's a first time for everything, in'it?'
James was now wearing the same expression Sirius had been moments before. 'But - that - they - Moony -'
'Relax,' Sirius soothed. 'The floor's got to be at least a metre thick - he'll never hear anything.'
'And that, my friend, is why you will never find happiness in life,' Rob murmured philosophically, folding his arms across his chest.
'Why, because I've got a realistic understanding of building specifications?' Sirius said snidely.
'Because you continuously surround yourself with the negative energies of pessimism and a nihilistic worldview. Universe doesn't like that,' Rob sighed, and, when Sirius would have rebutted, held up his hand to request silence. 'Hang on - I think I hear something -'
They all froze, Sirius mid-cringe. But there was just the creak of rusty hinges and the slamming of a door one storey below. 'Thank Merlin,' Peter breathed, pressing a hand to his heart. 'Thought my ears were going to start bleeding.'
'Bleeding?' Rob gaped. 'Pete, this is quality stuff - we have a genuine chance to find out what a girl sounds like when sh-'
'Was your mum a satyr or something?' James interrupted, looking utterly repulsed.
'I think only your dad can be a satyr,' was Rob's thoughtful reply.
'What, they haven't got girl satyrs?' Peter asked.
'I think mostly they've got nymphs,' was Sirius's shrugging contribution. Ze would make a lovely nymph. Of course Ze makes a lovely Ze...
'Was your dad a satyr then -'
'You can be a sex-crazed lunatic without a bit of satirical blood in you,' Rob said with what sounded an awful lot like authority.
'Oh you're definitely not satirical,' Sirius muttered. 'That would be too much to hope for.'
'Why are you three down here, anyway?' Rob asked, suddenly looking uncomfortably crafty. 'You've got every right to be up there, you know - we could just pop up -'
'NO,' three very emphatic voices snarled.
'Fine,' Rob said petulantly, folding his arms once more. 'Poofs,' he added under his breath.
This merely instigated a mass eye roll and, sensing that there would be no sense from Rob's quarter, the three older boys resigned themselves to sinking down on empty beds and waiting for it to be over. The dormitory was conveniently empty of other sixth years, and so each Marauder should have had a bed to himself...except that Peter insisted on sitting himself directly beside Sirius. Sirius shot a pleading look to James, who suddenly became very interested in the bed curtains hanging just inches from his nose; the message was clear: your ridiculously contrived and melodramatic sex triangle, your problem.
Pete's eyes darted from Rob to James, both of whom were utterly absorbed in their own worlds, before turning to Sirius. 'Sirius,' he began earnestly, 'I really am sorry -'
'Look,' Sirius interrupted, shifting nervously, 'could we not do this now -'
'No,' Peter said hurriedly, 'no, I really want to apologise, to know that things are okay between us -'
'Pete, you lied to me,' Sirius said incredulously. 'Well, maybe not lied, but you definitely weren't honest. And what's worse, you went behind my back to do it. I could give a toss if you fancy Grace,' he said quite honestly, 'but why didn't you just tell me she'd come on to you?'
Peter's cheeks were burning red, and he couldn't meet Sirius's gaze. 'It was just got out of hand, didn't it?' he said. 'And then I'd told her about the bet, and it was just so much easier to tell you that I'd gone out because - because -'
'Because you thought being teased for wanking would be better than having us angry with you for cheating.'
'I didn't cheat!' Peter cried.
'You cheated on us,' Sirius said flatly. 'You cheated on the Marauders. That's harsh Pete, really harsh.' Sirius could have sworn he heard James say "Zing!" under his breath, but when he glanced over his friend was completely absorbed in batting at a tassel like it was a cat toy.
'I'm sorry,' Peter whispered, sounding almost tearful. 'I really am, and I know you hate me -'
'I don't hate you,' Sirius said, incredibly tired of this whole day, 'I'm just not that pleased with you right now. And you don't have to keep apologising, because I've already forgiven you or whatever - it's just going to take some time before I can really trust you again. We're still friends, Pete, we're just...not that close right now, okay?
'Yeah,' Pete said morosely. 'Okay.'
Sirius nodded, glad to have got that over with, and was just about to change the subject when a sudden bolt of deviousness struck him. 'We're trusting you, you know, to help us out with Grace,' he said with as much gravity as he could muster. 'If you think you can't do it - lie to her, I mean, not let her get the truth out of you - you've got to let us know, right?'
'Right,' Peter said, nodding rather desperately. 'Complete and total honesty, from now on. Got it.'
'Good,' Sirius nodded, and turned away to hide a faint smile.
'You know,' Rob said suddenly, only to trail off.
'You've got a crick in your neck?' James suggested into the silence.
'Well, yeah,' Rob agreed a moment later. 'But mostly I was thinking that really, we could end the bet now, couldn't we?'
This had Sirius and Peter sitting up straight, and James abandoning the tassel toy all together. 'What?'
'How do you -'
'I mean, look at it objectively,' Rob continued, sitting up and massaging his neck. 'Who's left in? The three of us, right?' he said, pointing between himself, James and Sirius. 'Last men standing, three out of seven - that's less than half, isn't it?'
'Well, yeah,' Sirius began, 'but -'
'Am I right or am I right?' Rob said, arching both brows and looking suspiciously like Schoolboy Satan. 'Four out of seven have given in to the first girl who looked their way - well, except you Pete, unless your hand's got eyes and is called Susan,' he added, and Peter turned fearful, beseeching eyes on Sirius.
Nodding to show that he wasn't about to give Pete up, Sirius turned to Rob and said, 'so what's your point?' as sceptically as he could.
'My point is, Allister finds some girl, takes her to Hogsmeade, and snogs her the second he gets a chance. And then Zeke, same thing - meets some girl, she bats her eyes, they're off in a broom cupboard quicker than you can say "desperation". And now there's Remus - sure, he's lasted awhile, but clearly the abstinence has gotten to him,' Rob said, twirling a finger beside his temple in the universal sign for "loony". 'One minute he's minding his own business in the common room, next minute he's going upstairs with Sickle-a-Shag Serena.'
'But Remus has fancied Ser-' Peter began only to end in wheezing as Sirius jammed an elbow into his ribs. Glancing over to see if this was belated retribution for his previous betrayal, Pete was met with a Significant Look - cum - Eyebrow Raise, and immediately realised his mistake. 'Right, not telling secrets, not telling secrets,' he began to mumble under his breath.
'You should be come a solicitor,' James informed Rob in a graceful diversion tactic.
Rob looked faintly confused. 'Er, why?'
'Because nothing you're saying makes any sense, but you sound totally convincing,' James replied pleasantly.
'Thanks,' Rob said, and if he'd had a waistcoat, he probably would have tucked his thumbs in the pockets. 'As I was saying,' he added, standing and moving into filibuster mode, 'the evidence clearly shows that sexual activity, in the case of adolescent males, is based entirely on the availability of willing female partners, regardless of emotional attachment and -'
'Rubbish,' Sirius snapped. 'How they went out doesn't matter -'
'What d'you mean it doesn't matter?' Rob cried. 'They're the majority of the test subjects in the study!'
Has someone given him a real textbook by mistake?' James asked Peter. 'Because that sounds dangerously technical.'
'They aren't bloody test subjects,' Sirius was shouting back, 'they're losers! They lost the bet which means they lost the chance to be viable examples -'
'You're just angry because you've been proved wrong -'
'I am not angry!' The words vibrated off the walls, and Peter adjusted himself in preparation for diving under the nearest bed. 'I am entirely calm, and rational and reasonable and -' Sirius heaved a breath and tried not to growl. 'And you are deliberately skewing the circumstances to prove your own pointless...point,' he finished off rather anti-climactically.
'I'm not skewing circumstances,' Rob said righteously, 'you're refusing to face facts! The data clearly indicates -'
'Data?' James mumbled beneath Sirius's much more vehement, 'The facts are that whoever wins the bet proves the point! It doesn't matter why the losers went out - they're out. If I win - when I win - it'll be because I'm capable of persevering and waiting on a relationship based on - on - on relationships stuff.'
'Ha!' Rob shouted, the single syllable ringing off the walls. 'Well when I win, it'll be because I was capable of holding out for a meaningless physical encounter!'
'What?' Sirius snapped. 'That doesn't make any sense! Why would you "hold out" for a meaningless physical encounter -'
'Why would you wait for a relationship based on "relationship stuff"?' Rob shot back. 'It makes more sense to hold out for something you know is going to happen than to just sit around waiting on something that's got no guarantees -'
'Yeah, but you don't know that anything's going to happen,' James said mildly, shrugging at Rob. 'I mean, your record with girls isn't exactly -'
'Well I've got Ze, haven't I?' Rob said smugly.
'You have not got Ze,' Sirius roared, but Rob didn't so much as break stride.
'All I've got to do is wait for Sir Lancelot here to fall in love,' he continued, cocking his head at Sirius, 'and figure out that writing sonnets isn't nearly as much fun as snogging, and then I'm home free. Ze might be emotionally invested, but I'm not, so it'll be entirely meaningless -'
He was cut off, at this juncture, by Sirius's attempt at manual strangulation. 'I'll kill you,' Sirius was snarling. 'I'll wring your bloody neck -'
'Wish we had some popcorn,' James said to Peter.
'Mmm,' Peter nodded. 'With cheese.'
'Think we should pull them apart?' James asked a few minutes later. 'Only they're looking a little blue...'
Once all limbs were separated and returned to their proper owners, James planted himself between the two belligerents, folded his arms and put on his best head boy face. 'This is the sort of behaviour the loses Gryffindor points -'
'Oh piss off,' Sirius said sulkily. 'The day you take points is the day he does crosswords for England,' he snapped, jerking his thumb at Rob.
'I can do the crossword -'
'Yeah, in the Prophet kiddies edition.'
'At least I'm not completely dilutedsional when it comes to sex!'
'At least can actually say the word 'delusional'!'
'Tosspot -'
'Fuckwit -'
'STOP IT!'
'Remus?' Sirius and Rob chorused in surprise, looking towards the door.
'I can be a disciplinarian too, you know,' James said, attempting to look stern and failing miserably.
'Good - give him a detention for being completely insane,' Sirius replied, pushing Rob away from him with one hand.
'Oh so it's me who deserves the detention -' Rob began hotly.
'Yeah, and it's be a hell of a lot worse than detention for you when you lose the bet,' Sirius said with malicious glee. 'Because I'm going to be the only one left by then, so I'll be the one deciding what you have to do -'
'Like hell it will! I'll be the one telling you what to do because there is no possible way I'm going to -'
'Fuck off,' was the succinct reply. 'Sirius Black always triumphs.' And with that, he stalked out the door.
*.*.*
Only forty minutes had passed. Ze had changed her socks, her top and then her socks again (why was finding two clean ones always so hard?) and then she had brushed her teeth. Twice. And still only forty minutes had passed.
Dorcas, seated in the middle of her massive harem tent, glanced up from her notes and asked, 'how much do you think Grace weighs?'
Ze, who had been nervously checking her breath, was completely stymied.
'Uuuuh...eight stone?' she guessed blindly. 'Eight stone five?'
'Hm, I suppose that'll have to do,' Dorcas said, tapping her quill against her parchment.
Ze debated the dangers and then said, 'Out of curiosity, why?'
Dorcas blinked at her. 'For the sleeping draught of course - we wouldn't want to give her too much.'
'Ah, right,' Ze nodded, feeling unaccountably relieved. 'But we're not doing that until tomorrow night?' she added. 'Only Lily isn't here and neither is Grace and I'm meant to meet Sirius...'
Another blink. 'Well, no, I suppose we're not then. After all, Grace will have to be here if we're going to poison - I mean potion her.'
And we're definitely not letting you make the tea then, Ze thought. 'So tomorrow night,' she reiterated.
'I'm free then,' Dorcas nodded, as if it was merely a question of social calendars aligning.
'Good,' Ze breathed, and decided that Sirius wouldn't care if she were a few minutes early. 'I'm just going to -'
'Where's Serena anyway?' Dorcas chose that moment to ask.
Ze froze. 'Ah...Serena is - ' having a shower - no - revising in the library - no - naked with Remus Lupin - yes - 'not here right now. Sorry,' she added desperately, 'got to go.' And then she fled.
By the time she got to the base of the stairs she realised she had no idea where she was supposed to meet Sirius, and by the time she was across the common room she decided she didn't care. All their friends knew what their "conversation" was going to be about, so she really wasn't embarrassed about sticking her head around the door in their dormitory and summoning him to an appropriately dark and secluded corner. Grinning to herself, she began to tap up the boys' staircase. There were more muffled thumps and yells than usual, and as she rounded the bend by the fifth year dormitories the door opened with a strangely enlightening conversation.
'The shouting sounds really angry though, and they aren't very rhythmic - ' a voice was saying as the panel swung open.
'Well no one said they had to be good at it -' a second voice replied. Both boys stopped dead when they saw Ze, who was staring confusedly back at them.
'You're leaving already?' the first boy asked her.
'Leaving what?' said Ze.
'Euugh,' the second boy said, and they exchanged a look followed by a chorus of, 'Gross - guy on guy!' And then the door slammed shut again.
For a moment Ze stood staring at the door, trying very hard not to think about the implications. 'Huh,' she finally said, and kept climbing.
She rounded the next bend in the stairs just in time to collide with Sirius as the door to the sixth years' dormitory slammed dramatically behind him. There was a lot of cursing, much flailing of arms as they tripped down four or five stairs, and a few moments of dangerous teetering before they managed to right themselves. They finally came to a stop in the turn of the staircase between the fifth and sixth year dormitories, Ze squished between the wall and Sirius. 'Just the person I was looking for,' she said with a smile, perfectly happy with the way the evening seemed to be going.
And then Sirius looked down at her, face positively chalky, and said, 'Oh shit.'
Okay, so traditional romance is out, thought Ze. Worse things have happened - at least he hasn't got gills. 'I know I'm a bit early, but I -'
'I've done something really, incredibly stupid.' As interruptions went, this was not encouraging.
'Okay,' Ze said slowly. 'Is it something to do with Pete? Because really, he probably deserved it –
'No, not Pete,' Sirius shook his head, eyes closed tight. And then he stepped back and began to bash his head against the wall saying, 'Stupid, stupid, stupid -'
'Sirius - what the -' Reaching out, she grabbed for his shoulder and managed to get a handful of hair. Deciding that something was better than nothing, she pulled his head back with what she had. 'What is wrong with you? Just tell - ' With a muffled grunt of pain, Sirius tumbled off his balance and slammed Ze back into the wall again. Aside from the wrenching pain in her shoulder, Ze was more or less okay with this. At least, right up until Sirius jerked back as though he'd been burned and stood all his weight on her foot.
'Sorry sorry sorry,' Sirius panted helplessly as she yelped in anguish. 'Sorry!'
'S'okay,' Ze said with a tight smile. 'Given the two of us, I might have guessed something like this would happen tonight.'
If possible, even more blood drained from Sirius's face. 'Er, yeah,' he mumbled, and began to edge further away across the step. 'About that...'
'This would probably be easier if we weren't on the stairs, wouldn't it?' Ze said, trying to project cheerfulness and landing somewhere in the region of a nervous fit. 'Maybe we should go -'
'I can't kiss you,' Sirius blurted out.
There was a dreadful moment of silence.
'What?' said Ze.
'I can't - I can't -' Sirius began helplessly.
'What d'you mean you can't kiss me -'
'I am really sorry, Ze, I really am - but it's not my fault! Well, okay, it is... But there's sort of a pre-existing condition -'
Quite suddenly Sirius found himself backed against the wall with a finger making gouging motions perilously close to his jugular. 'I don't think you understand,' Ze was saying, her voice low and slightly - Sirius felt he was well within his rights to say - crazed. 'I really just don't think you get it. This is not a game,' she ground out, eyes snapping furiously. 'I haven't got time for you to go having a crisis of conscience or whatever the hell this is supposed to be. I have a serious problem,' she emphasised the words with sharp jabs 'You might have noticed it - all these furry little creatures following me around. And why do you think that is, Sirius? Mm? Why do you think my life has suddenly turned into Snow White and the Seven bloody Squirrels?'
She granted him a half-second's pause during which Sirius managed to stutter, 'I-I-I-'
'Because of you! Because I fancy you!' she shouted, and Sirius was fairly certain his hair blew back in the gale force of it. 'Because there's all this - this - this stuff going on inside me, and the only way to make it stop is by snogging you. So you standing there saying, "Uh, sorry, can't help you",' she growled, doing a fairly decent impression of Sirius's voice, 'isn't helping any. You are the one who got me into this and you're the one who's going to get me -'
'Look, it's really complicated,' Sirius tried to break in in appropriately soothing tones.
'Complicated?' Ze screeched. 'Complicated? You think you've got complicated? I'm being chased by fucking birdies - and I am not talking about the kind used in badminton!'
Sirius blinked. 'What's badminton?'
'Aaaaagggghhhhhhhhh!'
As her shout echoed down through the stairwell the door to the fifth year dormitory swung open and two familiar faces popped out. 'Is it -'
'Nobody on nobody,' Ze snarled in their direction. 'Fuck off.' The door slammed shut immediately.
'Friends of yours?' Sirius asked, hoping for a random tangent.
'Don't even try it,' Ze snapped.
'Just give me a second,' Sirius pleaded before she could start in again. 'Please? Because I can promise you that I am not doing this to make you miserable -' Ze let out a sceptical snort. 'Believe me,' Sirius said quite seriously, grabbing her by both shoulders to indicate proper dramatic weight, 'there is nowhere I would rather be than in a broom cupboard, kissing you.'
Ze felt her heart flutter slightly at the romance of it.
'But I can't - not yet,' he continued earnestly.
Ze's eyes narrowed suspiciously as something besides the thought of bluebirds fired off a synapse. 'This has got something to do with the bet, hasn't it?'
Sirius went a bit red and shuffled his feet. 'Well, yeah -'
He was about to explain further when he realised that Ze was staring incredulously at him. 'You care more about winning that bet than you do about me?' she said, and something in her face was going slightly slack and her cheeks began to burn as she realised that she'd been really, really stupid. She'd said she fancied Sirius - he had never said - 'Oh shit,' she whispered. 'Oh shit, what if you don't want me at all - '
'No no no - I do!' Sirius cried. 'I do want you - you have no idea how much -'
Ze couldn't precisely explain the feeling of something inside her stomach deciding not to mutiny and wage war through her oesophageal tract. 'Then what it is? Are you that afraid of having to do something stupid for losing -'
'No! I would look stupid every day of my life just to be with you!'
One slender black brow shot up as Ze pursed her lips. 'There were definitely better ways of phrasing that.'
'Oh, so now you're complaining about something besides the birdies?' Sirius shot back.
For a moment they stared at one another, and then lips began to curve and chuckles worked their way up into mild, nervous laughter. 'We're ridiculous,' Ze said at last, rubbing a hand across her neck.
'At least we've got something in common,' Sirius shrugged, following a moment later with, 'So you're okay with it?'
'No, not really,' Ze said honestly. 'I mean, aside from the fact that I'll probably have gone mad in another two days, I really do want to - you know -'
'Kiss me?' Sirius finished for her, lips twitching.
'Something like that,' she blushed. 'Mostly I just don't see why you care so much - you know that bet's ridiculous. Why do you suddenly care so much about winning it?'
It was Sirius's turn to nervously rub at the back of his neck. 'It's not so much winning,' he began. 'It's - well - IwantobeatRob,' he mumbled quickly.
'What? You want to meet Bob -'
'Beat Rob,' Sirius enunciated, licking his lips nervously. 'I want to beat Rob.'
Ze stared at him, completely nonplussed. 'You want to beat Rob,' she repeated flatly. 'At not having sex. Well, I might as well join a convent then.'
Sirius jumped at this news: convents he had heard of - Professor Binns was very keen on convents. 'What? You can't join a convent -'
'Sirius, he'll have to pay for sex to ever get any, and that's not something you can just pick up in Hogsmeade. Rob, you bastard,' she muttered darkly, turning away, 'I could kill you.'
Sirius thought about this for a moment. 'You know, that's not such a bad idea - I'd probably get disqualified if I did it, but -'
'Sirius, I cannot kill Rob,' Ze sighed, shaking her head at the absurdity of it. 'Where would I put the body?'
'Well -'
'And anyway, why can't you just let James beat him?' she continued. 'We all know he's holding out for Lily, and the only thing that'll take longer than Rob finding a prostitute is Lily realising she's in love with James.'
'Because James is long overdue for leaping on Lily and -' Sirius broke off. 'Hang on, for Lily to realise she's in love with James? Lily's in love with Prongs?'
Ze waved a hand to indicate that this was old news. 'Of course she is - how else can it possibly end? Back to the real problem -'
Still reeling slightly, Sirius shook his head. 'Look, it's a question of honour, okay? More specifically, that Rob hasn't got any - if I don't complete annihilate him now, he'll be plaguing girls with his selfish machinations for years to come,' he said righteously. 'I am saving countless women from the pain and humiliation of being involved with Rob as he is now.'
'What're you going to do?' Ze snorted. 'Date him yourself? I know, I know,' she waved when Sirius made to interrupt. 'Point of honour, blah blah blah.'
'Do you think we could pay someone to seduce Rob?' Sirius asked suddenly, since death was no longer on the menu.
'You're the one with honour, and you want to go bribing people?'
'It was just a thought,' he mumbled defensively. 'He wouldn't think he had a chance of winning anyway if it wasn't for that stupid Madame X.'
Ze froze mid-snort. 'Oh my god,' she whispered. 'I am so thick...'
Sirius gaped at her. 'But I thought you weren't Madame X!' he said furiously.
'I'm not,' Ze hurried to assure him. 'But I know who is,' she added, the beginnings of a smile dawning as she looked up at him.
'Which means...' Sirius breathed.
'Which means I can drop a few hints,' Ze nodded. 'Maybe get her to up the naughty undertones.'
Sirius, having read a letter or two, felt his brows arching. 'There are naughty undertones?'
'D-she's really into subtext,' Ze hastily corrected herself. 'Anyway, the important thing is, Rob gets it. So I'll just make sure he gets more of it.'
'How long do you think it'll take?' Sirius asked desperately. 'I mean, I don't want to leave you with the birds and everything.'
'I'll survive,' Ze said, sighing heavily. 'I've got a stick. And a few days? I'll see what I can do, but we're talking seduction by letter and I don't think Rob's mastered compound sentences yet.'
'He's got a dictionary,' Sirius explained, amazed as always by Ze's ability - and seeming willingness - to adapt to the situation. 'He'll manage.'
Ze expelled a breath, nodding. 'Okay, so that's the plan then. But I am warning you,' she added, suddenly schoolmarm stern, 'if this is some sort of joke – "let's wind Ze up and see how angry we can get her" - if you're doing this just to put me off because you don't really want -'
In less than a second Ze found herself backed against the wall, Sirius's body not quite brushing hers. 'Ze,' he said, voice slightly thick, eyes hard on hers, 'I'm not putting you off.' One hand was braced beside her head now, and the other was skimming down the side of her face, barely a centimetre from her skin. 'If you know about the things I think about doing with you - to you -' the hand continued down, the edge of her throat, the curve of her collarbone, ' - you probably would go join a convent. Because I think about you,' he continued, tracing the arch of her shoulder, palm skimming air in the promise of a touch that made her flesh want to leap out to connect with his own. 'All the time. I've spent so much time imagining you,' his hand was now at her sternum, the bottom of her ribcage, his head dropped down so his words were just breath against her throat, his lips nearly skimming her skin, 'I think I even know what you taste like.' Ze's back was arching, her body wanting the weight of contact with his, but no matter how far she pulled forward the feel of his hand was just that much further back, teasing her. That absence of touch left heat in its wake, like a blanket or a second set of clothes, stretching and bending with her, as that voice continued, low and steady, against her ear. 'But that's only what I imagine, what I fantasise about,' he whispered, his hand cupping around her hip. 'And when it happens - and it is going to happen - it'll be a thousand times better than anything I could dream up.'
His body stayed not quite pressed against her for one more moment, and then he was stepping back, pupils dilated out until his eyes were entirely black. 'Just something for you to think about,' he murmured, and then he turned and pounded up the stairs.
Ze couldn't move - couldn't even breathe - to demand that he get back here and finish what he'd started. Because he'd definitely started something - something that was so much worse than a lingering look or a flirtatious grin. This was like heatstroke, her skin too tight for her insides, her pulse pounding in her fingertips and the backs of her knees. She could still feel the taunting trace of his hand down her body, the heat of his mouth against her neck as her muscles tied themselves into knots and her flesh tingled and stretched and swelled like a peach left too long in the sun - like something seconds away from exploding.
Bloody hell, she thought. And he never even touched me.
A/N: part II to follow in a matter of hours. no. seriously. xx