Wave of Emotions (Lei, Jing, Qing He, and Shan Cai's View)

Overboard - Justin Bieber

*Lei*

I spent time with Jing, like Shan Cai requested. I escorted Jing to every outing she asked me to accompany her to. Every day passed, and every day I couldn't get my mind off of Shan Cai. How could I be so oblivious to her feelings towards me? How many times have I really broken my promise to her? How could I make up this broken promise to her? Her sad face and the thought of her already damaged heart that was finally on its last blow breaking made my own heart break.

All the events I accompanied Jing to, I now wanted so much to bring Shan Cai to. Shan Cai deserves to experience the finer things in life. She deserves to experience happiness and to be loved and cherished by someone for the rest of her life. She didn't deserve the heart break I caused her. I could only imagine how she felt the day she learned Jing was my girlfriend; the night I pretty much ditched her to go pick up Jing from the airport instead of sticking to the movie night I promised; the evening she learned I bought tickets to a show that I was initially planning to take her to, but instead took Jing. How could I have been such an idiot? I don't even know where to begin with making this up to her. If only I had realized everything, she might still be here in Taiwan with me, and not in Los Angeles with Qing He…

*Jing*

I tried spending as much time with Lei as possible to keep him occupied. Ever since he returned from the States, he hasn't been the same. I knew his mind was still stuck on Shan Cai and how bad he felt. I didn't know what to do…

I thought back to how Lei was when I returned home from France. He was very excited to learn I was coming home. I always knew he loved me. But it seems like things between us changed in such an instant, I didn't even see it coming. I questioned my own feelings for Lei… I loved him once before, but things did change… maybe I was just into the admiration he had for me. Our feelings have changed, and it would not be right for me to hold on to him. We have love for each other, but not what it used to be. I truly believe that Lei does love Shan Cai, and he doesn't know it yet.

I asked Lei to join me for a walk in the park. He reluctantly agreed, and picked me up from my house. We walked around the park slowly. Lei trailed behind me closely; we were both silent. I slowed my pace more, and finally spoke, "Lei?"

"Hmm?"

"I think we need to talk", I began.

"About?"

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do", he said softly.

"No, Lei, do you really love me?" I persisted.

"Jing, what's wrong?"

"When you returned from the States, you haven't been the same. Everywhere you and I have gone together, you would mention that 'Shan Cai would have loved coming here' or 'Shan Cai used to like coming here'".

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that, I don't believe you love me like you used to," I paused, "I believe you love Shan Cai."

"Jing…"

"I think you should think about it more, Lei. I'm letting you go, so you can figure it out. I thought about it myself as well. I believe we don't love each other the same like we used to. I can tell there's something about Shan Cai that's got you so wrapped up. I haven't seen this behavior from you at all. There's something special about Shan Cai to you. Why else would you go through so much trouble with making her happy?"

"Jing, I know I've been a bit distant lately. I just can't seem to get over this feel extreme guilt about all the pain I've caused Shan Cai, and how I didn't see my actions were causing her to believe that I had feelings for her that were more than friends. But I do love you, Jing. You'll never have to doubt that." Lei took my hands in his and kissed them. He looked into my eyes with sincerity.

"Ok, Lei. I will only believe you, when you have figured out your feelings for Shan Cai. I want you to be relieved of this guilt that you're feeling."

"I… I'm not sure how to fix my friendship with Shan Cai. She asked me to let her be, and if I still think of her, then maybe she'll give me another chance at being her friend. I want that more than anything. I can't lose our friendship, even if I did manage to ruin it absentmindedly." Lei's voice trembled as he seemed to daydream of his life without Shan Cai as his friend.

"I think you should respect her space. If she's hurting, you should allow her time to heal. Constantly following her and hoping that she comes around will not expedite her healing process. Just let Shan Cai be, Lei. Maybe you'll be able to figure out your feelings too."

"I suppose you're right, Jing. I shouldn't continue to push Shan Cai any longer. I just hope she'll be alright out there in LA. I hope she takes care of herself and is happy."

"I think we have to have faith in Shan Cai. Let her try to stand on her own feet. You've already helped her to try and trust others again. Let her learn to take it from there. Shan Cai is a strong girl. She'll be ok."

"Ok, Jing."

*Lei*

Jing was right. I had to trust that Shan Cai was going to be alright. It was just difficult to trust that she could. I began realizing that I had spoiled her a bit. Taking her to school or work, waiting for her classes to end so we could go have a meal together. Now that she's across the ocean, I can't be there for her. I really had to trust that she'll be alright.

I brought Jing home after our talk, then brought myself home. I collapsed on my bed and let my mind wander right back to Shan Cai. I then realized what month it was. Today is Shan Cai's birthday! I sat up and looked at the clock. It wasn't yet her birthday in LA. I had some time to wish her a happy birthday, but I just couldn't settle on a mere text to her. I got up from my bed and briskly walked out of my room and back to my car. I started the engine and drove to the airport. I loaded my private jet and asked the pilot to head to LAX. I was going to see Shan Cai and tell her "happy birthday" in person.

*Qing He*

I gathered up all of mine and Shan Cai's friends from ASU to come to the campus lounge for Shan Cai's birthday. We all pitched in and decorated the lounge for the occasion. I was planning to pick up Shan Cai later that evening.

"Hey, Qing He!" It was my friend Trang who was calling me, "it's sure nice of you to throw Shan Cai a birthday celebration."

"Yeah, I mean, it's the least I could do. She doesn't have any family out here, and she kind of had a rough past back in Taiwan. I just want her to have good memories here in LA."

"You know, Qing He, when you talk about her, you've got that little longing in your eyes. Do you have a thing for her?"

"Wh-what do you mean? I mean, yeah, she's cool and all…" I stammered as I tried keeping the streamers up while he handed me tape to hold them in place.

"You can't hide things from me. We've been friends since high school, I know the look in your eyes when you have a thing for someone. I mean, you wouldn't stop talking about her while you were in Taiwan." Trang handed me more tape as he questioned my feelings. I sighed then let out a little chuckle as I continued to tape the streamers.

"You know me too well my friend. I do like Shan Cai. She's really smart and kind. Trang, if only you could see her back in Taiwan. She had this huge crush on a guy at the University, and was constantly hurt over and over by him, and he had no idea that she liked him so much. It was then that she had the idea to transfer out here, to get away from him. Then almost a month later, he shows up here and apologizes to her for leading her on, and then asks her to come back to Taiwan. I'm proud of her for standing up for herself. She told him to go back to Taiwan, and he did. He hasn't been back since. Shan Cai has slowly began to show her true self. She's slowly getting over that guy. I've been holding back from telling her my feelings, since I wanted her to be able to move on from all the heartache she went through in Taiwan. I can see how far she's come to become a better person for herself. I admire her so much for being so strong and taking that step at starting a new life out here. Maybe she's willing to start a new chapter with me?" My thoughts traveled to Shan Cai, as I thought about her and I possibly beginning a new kind of relationship with each other. I would take care of her and she would never get her heart broken when she's with me. I would treat her better than Hua Zhe Lei would. She would never shed a tear under my care.

"I can see Shan Cai is beginning to come out of her shell. She's starting to become more talkative and social now. I hope she can move on from that guy in Taiwan. It sounds like it wasn't a healthy relationship," Trang chimed in, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah, I know it's just a matter of time. And when she's fully healed and over him, I hope she will be open to a relationship with me." I stepped off the step stool and looked at Trang.

"Just be patient," Trang put a reassuring hand on my shoulder, "I'm sure she'll see you the same way." We both gave each small smiles then continued on in decorating the lounge for Shan Cai's birthday.

*Shan Cai*

Qing He was planning my birthday celebration tonight, and was coming to pick me up later in the evening. I looked through my closet and at my very scarce variety of clothes to wear. A few of my girl friends from ASU were at my apartment to try and help me decide what to wear.

"What about this? I don't think you've matched this together as an outfit before," my friend Claire laid out the clothes on my bed.

"I guess that could work," I said. I picked up the outfit and went to my bathroom to try it on. As I pulled on the skirt, my mind somehow thought about the night I went to Jing Xue Jie's house to try on one of her dresses for the show that Xiao You and I were going to see that night. I thought about the words she said, where she confessed that Hua Zhe Lei was supposed to take me, but chose Jing Xue Jie over me. After I straightened out the blouse I pulled over my head , I looked at myself in the mirror. I remembered my heart taking a hard blow as I listened to Jing Xue Jie and Xiao You's conversation. I could remember the thoughts going through my head when I heard Hua Zhe Lei chose her instead of me. I suddenly felt tears slip down my cheeks. I touched one and stared at the droplet on my finger. 'Why am I crying? I've been happy ever since I asked him to go back to Taiwan… I'm sure him and Jing Xue Jie are living happily without me in the way.' I thought more and more about Hua Zhe Lei... the effort he'd go through to try and bring a smile to my face; the day he brought me flowers and a business card of dinner reservations that were made just for us, the day he gave me that infinity necklace…

I touched my collarbone, remembering that I had left the infinity necklace behind in Taiwan. It did mean a lot to me for that brief moment once I opened it. I can still remember his words…

"...this signifies that no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you, even if forever ends. Our friendship will be infinite…"

'Our friendship'. The word "friendship" replayed over and over. That was all he and I were ever going to be...nothing more than friends…

"Shan Cai? Are you finished in there?" Claire had knocked on the door, curiously.

"Yeah, I'm coming out now," I stepped out and let the girls give me their opinion of the outfit.

"So cute! I think you should wear that outfit for sure!" squealed my friend Lynn.

"Shan Cai, you should hurry up and finish getting ready! Qing He will be picking you up soon!" my other friend Kristy guided me to my vanity, where two of them began taking parts of my hair to begin making a hairdo while the other began putting makeup on my face.

*Lei*

It was the Shan Cai's birthday today. I had landed in LA just in time before the day was over. I swiftly made my way off my private jet, where a car was waiting for me. I got in and drove off to Shan Cai's apartment. As I drove, I thought about what to say to her. It's been months since we last spoke. I obeyed her wish… I hope she will give our friendship another chance...

Before I reached Shan Cai's apartment, I stopped to get flowers and a personal size cake as a birthday present. I came very unprepared for this, but i wanted nothing more than to see Shan Cai again. I prayed that she would accept me back as her friend. We may have only known each other a short time, but having her suddenly stripped my life somehow created this empty feeling in me. I missed Shan Cai within a matter of minutes than I did when Jing would leave for France and she would come back to visit a few times a year… What is it about Shan Cai that I just can't seem to shake?

I finally made it to Shan Cai's apartment. I got out of the car, with the flowers and cake in hand, and strolled up to her door. I took a deep breath, rose my hand and softly knocked on her door.

'Please answer… please give us another chance'

*Shan Cai*

About a half hour passed. I was expecting Qing He to knock on my door any minute. The other girls left to head over to the venue for my party. I sat on my bed as I daydreamed about Hua Zhe Lei. A soft knocking snapped me out of my thoughts. 'Must be Qing He' I thought to myself. I put my shoes on, grabbed my purse and scurried over to the door, a smile on my face. I turned the doorknob in a haste and pulled the door open, "finally, you're here-"

I froze. My eyes wide in disbelief. "Hua Zhe Lei?" I managed to let escape from my lips. I haven't spoken his name in so long, it felt almost foreign.

"Happy Birthday," he said softly with a bright smile, and extended his arms out that held flowers and a small cake. My hands shook as I reached out for them. Was this real? Was I just imagining him since I was daydreaming about him earlier?

"You're here?" I was trying to wake up. This had to be a dream.

"I came all the way from Taiwan to wish you a 'happy birthday'. I hope you like your flowers and cake," he said meekly, "I've missed you, Shan Cai, I haven't stopped thinking of you since you asked me to leave… I did all the things you asked of me… I'm assisting my father with our company, I spend every day with Jing, but I still think of you. Shan Cai, I would like a second chance at making things right between us. I can't live every day knowing that I've caused you so much pain… it's eating me alive…" Hua Zhe Lei took a step towards me then gently brought a hand up to my face. He stroked my cheekbone softly and looked into my eyes, "I miss you, Shan Cai. I miss spending time with you, taking you to school and picking you up from work. I miss the look in your eyes when you are happy and excited. I'd like more of those moments between us. I want to continue keeping my promise to you, and never break your heart. Please, Shan Cai… please give me another chance, to make things right…" My eyes watered at his confession. He never stopped thinking about me? Even when he was spending time with Jing Xue Jie? Two tears slipped from my eyes. One had fell onto Hua Zhe Lei's hand that was still stroking my cheek. He was quick to wipe it away. "Please say something?" My silence was so deafening to him.

"No…" I let escape out of my mouth. It was barely over a whisper.

"N...No?" He slowly retracted his hand back, "wh-why not?"

"I can't, Hua Zhe Lei...I can't risk being hurt by you one more time...I'm happy here in LA. For the first time in awhile, I have friends. Friends that I can trust and who are always there when I need them. I have Qing He. He guides me and supports me through everything. If it weren't for him, I don't think I would have had the courage to move here. I'm happy here, Hua Zhe Lei…"I stood my ground. I was going to make it on my own. Without Hua Zhe Lei's protection, I have been able to learn to stand on my own two feet. I was not that same vulnerable Shan Cai that I was back in Taiwan. I looked back down at the flowers and cake then back at him, "thank you for the flowers, and the cake...but I have to go now... " I placed the gifts on the table next to the door.

"Shan Cai?" I looked past Hua Zhe Lei's tall frame and saw Qing He was standing at the pathway. I closed the door and brushed past Hua Zhe Lei over to Qing He, "what's going on?" Qing He questioned as he continued to stare at Hua Zhe Lei.

"Hua Zhe Lei came to wish me a 'happy birthday'. He was just leaving," I looked at Qing He with eyes begging him to take me away.

"Ok," he looked at me then Hua Zhe Lei, "let's go, you're late for your own birthday party," he said with a playful tone. I walked first towards his car, then felt Qing He's hand on my back as he guided me away.

"Shan Cai, wait!" Hua Zhe Lei rushed over to us, "please don't shut me out."

I looked at Hua Zhe Lei, his face almost desperate, "can we talk about this another time? You're spoiling my birthday. I promise I'll talk to you, but not right now," Qing He opened the passenger car door and I climbed in. He closed the door and walked over to the driver's side. He gave Hua Zhe Lei one last stare then got into the car. We pulled away from the curb and drove off. I could see Hua Zhe Lei's form in the side view mirror get smaller and smaller as we drove away. I closed my eyes, trying to control my breathing and calm my thoughts. My hands formed into fists. Qing He reached over and took my hand gently. I looked at him and let go of the tension in my fists.

"Are you alright?" Qing He asked with concern in his voice.

"He said he never stopped thinking about me...and he wants a second chance…"

"What are you thinking about doing?"

"I don't know… I was fine without him… I honestly haven't thought of him since that day. Not until coincidentally today. When I was getting ready and putting on my outfit, I somehow thought back to the night I heard Jing Xue Jie tell Xiao You that Hua Zhe Lei was planning to take me to a show that I've been wanting to see but instead took Jing Xue Jie. I just remembered how I felt at that moment, and then memories of his kindness suddenly flooded my mind. Then he shows up all of a sudden? What do I do, Qing He?" I was beginning to feel desperate. I didn't know how to handle this. For the longest time, I wanted nothing more than for Hua Zhe Lei's attention and tender affection towards me, and there he was, confessing that he missed me, that he missed spending time with me, and that he wants another chance.

"Do you still have feelings for him, Shan Cai?"

"I...I don't know," I was becoming confused with my emotions. A wave a emotions hit me hard that I couldn't comprehend my own state of mind.

"I think you should give yourself some time to think before you talk to him again. Gather your thoughts, you know? Before making any regrets."

"Maybe you're right. I will think about it, and I promised him that I would talk to him."

"Ok. But for now, let's enjoy your party," I noticed that we had arrived at the lounge. Qing He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. He came over to my side and opened my door, "let's get this party started!"