(A/N: I MUST GET MYSELF TO DENVER TO SEE IDINA MENZEL IN NOVEMBER! I MUST! Urgh, anyway, thank you for all the reviews and support, it makes you all seem like wonderful people, which I'm sure you are. Lol. Anyway, this chapter is kind of long I think, at least for me, and it's skips around, but I don't think it's too confusing, so...uh...enjoy and review! Xie xie)
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Elphaba asked, her mouth open in shock as she watched Fiyero plop into a seat next to her and Andre at lunch in the cafeteria. Fiyero just smiled pleasantly at her taking his plastic silverware out of the wrapper.
"If I recall correctly, Andre invited me to lunch." Fiyero began to take the plastic off his sandwich, "If you have a problem with me, you can leave Elphaba." Elphaba glared at him, remembering without that slightest bit of happiness the all too awkward conversation that morning.
"No use leaving, you'd just follow me." Elphaba murmured, stabbing her ravioli with her fork. Andre didn't hear her and Fiyero sent a secret smirk her way. Andre looked up about to ask Elphaba something, but stopped short when he saw that she was practically mauling her ravioli, stabbing it with enough gusto to make the sauce splat off the dish, making a rather horrid display of something being stabbed to death.
"Um…." Andre stared at her at a loss, "Are you…angry at your meal?" Elphaba dropped her fork and Fiyero choked on his milk laughing, "Because I think part of what makes it a meal is that it's already dead." Elphaba glared at Fiyero before turning to Andre and shoving the ravioli plate towards him. Beneath the table, Elphaba kicked Fiyero and he stopped laughing as he keeled over, grabbing his shin. He sent Elphaba a glare as he straightened up.
"I don't think the ravioli is the only thing Elphaba's got issues with today." Fiyero muttered, grabbing a fork and stabbing his sandwich with even more gusto than Elphaba, making the lettuce explode with each stab and the mayonnaise gush out the sides grossly. Andre made a face.
"Fiyero, are you angry at your meal?" he asked. Elphaba smirked, choking on her water with laughter.
"No," Fiyero sent Elphaba the same glare he'd been rewarding his sandwich, "Why would you think that?"
"Well, it kind of looks like mushy baby food now." Andre shrugged. Fiyero looked down at what was once a nice sandwich. On his plate he found a mushy puddle of mashed up sandwich with little plastic bits from where the fork had broken off. Fiyero blinked, had he really done that? Elphaba choked out another laugh before coming to his rescue, surprisingly enough.
"Fiyero was just playing with his food," Elphaba laughed, "He's always done that."
"Aw," Fiyero put a hand to his heart mockingly, "You know me so well." Elphaba rolled her eyes at him.
"Of course I do Yero," Elphaba smiled, forgetting for a moment that they were supposed to be in a fight. Fiyero felt a fuzzy warmth spread through his body at the nickname and his heart beat bumped up.
"You haven't called me Yero in a while now." Fiyero began picking up the remnants of his fork, not wanting to push the envelope by making awkward eye contact with her. Elphaba smiled at him, almost a little sadly, before looking down, a faraway look in her eyes. She shook her head slowly before standing up.
"I've got to get going, I've got Life Sciences," she tossed her plate into the trash and pushed her chair in, leaning over the table to give Andre a short kiss. Fiyero didn't even have time to get mad about their kiss, he was wondering what was up. Had he done something wrong?
"I've got that too, I'll go with you." Fiyero began to stand up as well. He wasn't even saying this to annoy her this time, he just wanted to be with her, not wanting that short sweet moment between them a few seconds ago to end. Elphaba stopped him though.
"No, Fiyero, stay and keep Andre company a while. I'll just go by myself." she tiredly brushed her hair out of her face, slinging her backpack over one shoulder. Something in the way she spoke stalled his usual stubborn will to keep persisting to walk her to class. She sounded and looked tired and sad and Fiyero sat back down in his seat, concerned for her but not wanting to add to her stress. He watched her leave the cafeteria in a hurry, the large doors swinging shut behind her. Fiyero turned back to the table with a sigh, he saw Andre stabbing his noodles, making the broth fly all over the place.
"What are you angry about?" Fiyero sighed, depressed, he'd let her get away again, right when they were having a moment.
"Oh, I'm not angry," Andre shrugged, "It just looked like fun." Fiyero stared at him for a full awkward minute, his face clearing reading 'what-the-hell'?
"I thought you were supposed to be smart." Fiyero said, not meanly though, just genuine confusion. Andre shrugged and Fiyero sighed tiredly, leaning back in his chair to think while Andre went back to stabbing his noodles.
After Fiyero thought about it, he supposed that lunch had actually gone….rather well. After the general glares and seething comments were exchanged, Elphaba actually seemed to…not be disturbed by his presence. He supposed that was an accomplishment and progress, and maybe if he couldn't find a way to make her love him, he could at least restore their friendship. He stood outside the Life Sciences classroom, 5 minutes early, crossing his fingers and saying a quick prayer to that great nameless god in the sky, who he would call Bob for now. Please let this go well, please let this go well, oh please, oh please Almighty Bob! He took a deep breath and plowed inside, rather bravely he thought, considering that the last time he'd been in an empty classroom with Elphaba, she had managed to drive a stake into his heart. He peered over the raisers where the benches were set and saw Elphaba sitting on a bench in a middle row, on the far left. She was going over notes, peering at them through her reading glasses. Other than her, the classroom was empty. Fiyero took himself another deep breath before making his presence known and walking towards her. She didn't look up until Fiyero took a seat next to her, keeping a good distance in between them.
"Yero-" she was startled to see him and she jumped slightly, her notes fluttering to the ground. Fiyero quickly picked them up for her. He handed them back to her, smiling as their hands touched briefly.
"Thank you." she blushed, speaking quietly. Fiyero smiled and he wanted to say something, but then the doors blew open to admit the other 50 or so students into the large lecture hall. Fiyero looked around at the many students and quickly, but trying to be as subtle as possible, he scooted closer to Elphaba so that no one would sit between them. Elphaba peeked at him through her curtain of hair, biting her lip.
"Do you mind if I-" Fiyero began, hoping he hadn't over stepped some sort of boundary that came with being rejected by your best friend. She shook her head and offered him a tiny smile. Fiyero's smile was enough to light up the room and he wondered if she could feel the warmth that just rushed through his body like a gulp of rich hot chocolate. As the class settled down and the professor walked in, Fiyero tried his hardest to stop smiling and concentrate on the class, but he just couldn't get a grip of himself. He was still trying to fight a smile when the class ended and he was surprised when Elphaba sat and waited for him to put his things back in his bag.
"Elphaba-"
"Fiyero, can we…talk?" she bit her lip and even if Fiyero wanted to say no, he couldn't.
"Of course." he followed her out of the classroom to the Shiz green.
1 week later
"So then I said, 'let's be friends'." Fiyero slurred, his third beer was obviously not doing much for his speech and hand-eye coordination as he nearly slipped off his stool, avoiding the floor by grabbing onto Shell. Fiyero chuckled drunkenly and gulped down another mouthful of beer. Shell pushed Fiyero back onto his stool.
"Friends?" Shell set his beer down, "I don't understand, I thought you loved-"
"I do." Fiyero mumbled, fumbling to redo the button on his shirt, "But she doesn't love me back, which is why I'm here, drinking my ass off." Fiyero signaled the bartender for another beer, "You should have seen her the first day back, she wouldn't even look at me. I'd never felt worse, I mean sure, she practically shot me down back in summer when I originally confessed, but then…it was like she'd stuck a grenade to my heart." Fiyero stared blankly ahead.
"So now you're just going to pretend like you don't love her?" Shell asked doubtfully, "That doesn't sound-"
"Healthy? Believe me it's not," Fiyero nodded to the beer and Shell got his point.
"Well forget the grenade Elphaba threw at you," Shell said, "You're just setting yourself up to explode if you pretend like you only love her as a friend."
"It's better for everyone that I let this one go." Fiyero bitterly gulped down more beer.
"Are you kidding me?" Shell asked disbelievingly, "This won't do anyone any good, least of all you!"
"Tell me about it." Fiyero leaned heavily on the bar counter, rubbing his face, "She's fucking breaking my heart, if I was sober I doubt I'd be admitting that. Every time I see her with Andre, it's…" Fiyero made a shooting sound, making a gun with his hand.
"Don't give up on her so quickly." Shell said, hand on Fiyero's back.
"You call over a month 'quick'?" Fiyero muttered bitterly.
"For Elphaba, yes." Shell nodded and Fiyero scoffed.
"I think Elphaba already knows who she wants and who she doesn't want." Fiyero rubbed his bloodshot eyes, "It's clearer than crystal. I can already see her wedding announcement in the paper…to another man."
"Maybe not," Shell said, "I still think she loves you."
"Well," Fiyero sighed sadly, "When it comes down to it, it doesn't really matter what you or I think, if she doesn't think we can be more, then we never will be. It takes two you know…for these kind of things to work out." Fiyero gulped down a generous amount of beer, he pulled the bottle away with a smack though as he remembered something, another one of the many issues in his life, "Oh an on top this, I got this crazy shit letter from my Dad and I really don't think I can handle it right now, especially since Elphaba totally rejected me."
"What was the letter about?"
"Crazy bullshit man, but there's no way out of it, and my one way out, just dumped my ass on the curb." Fiyero rubbed his face, feeling a slight prickle, the result of not having the energy or spirit to shave.
"What are you talking about?" Shell was just confused now. Maybe Fiyero was just carrying on about nothing in his drunken haze, that was probably it.
"I'm not in the mood to talk about it, it's making me depressed enough already." Fiyero sighed. Shell decided to forget this new problem with Fiyero's dad for the time being.
"Listen, Elphaba's stubborn, and she likes things the way they are with you. She likes the dependability she's developed with you, she likes your connection, she likes that you're always there for her, she likes spending time with you, she likes all of the little things about your friendship, she likes you."
"Likes but doesn't love-"
"She does love. This friendship is something special to her, and she doesn't like the idea of anything changing. And I know you don't believe when I say this, or that I'm full of shit, but she really does love you Fiyero. It's just taking her a long time to realize it. And I don't think she's ready to face it. Maybe give her some more time, she'll come around, I promise."
"You think?" Fiyero asked, a little hope in his voice. Shell smiled.
"I do." he said. Fiyero smiled, albeit a little drunkenly, and stood up, pulling his wallet out to pay for his numerous beers, but just as he was about to throw the bills on the counter, he saw Elphaba and Andre in a far corner of the bar, kissing by the pinball machine.
"I think I'll kill myself." Fiyero said monotonously. Shell followed Fiyero's line of vision to Elphaba and Andre and sighed. Great timing little sis, just when I was getting his hopes up again, Shell thought. He turned back to Fiyero but saw that was already back at the bar, signaling for another beer.
1 week before
They took a seat on a white stone bench under a cherry blossom tree. The tree shaded them from the hot afternoon sun and a gentle breeze made the cherry blossom petals float down from the tree, landing around them. It was an extremely beautiful day, and Fiyero thought Elphaba looked gorgeous with cherry blossoms in her hair. They sat in a serene silence for a while, and despite his best hopes, Fiyero new she wasn't about to confess any sort of love for him.
"Fiyero," her soft voice startled him, "I think we're at an impasse," she played with a cherry blossom in her hands, looking down, "You love me as…more than a friend, and I…don't…but, I think it's pretty obvious by now that…we just can't stay away from each other," she gave a small smile, which he returned. She looked back down, "Fiyero I don't want you to get the wrong idea when I say this but…I don't think I can even begin to imagine my life without you, you mean so much to me and I-I really miss you, I mean…I miss us. I miss how we used to be, but now…with your confession, I feel like there's a block between us and I just…want things to go back to normal…It's like we had a secret code, me and you, that only we understood. But now…there's like this whole different code and I can't even begin to understand how to read it."
"Elphaba," Fiyero gently, took her hand, and she didn't resist, "I've never lied to you, and I don't intend to start now. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but we are never going to be the same as we were before, at least not exactly. I told you I loved you and that's not something you're going to forget and it's not something that's going to go away. Every time I touch you will seem so different than what it used to be. Like right now…I'm holding your hand and I can tell that you're over thinking it way too much. If I had held your hand last school year, you wouldn't have thought about it…you would've kissed my cheek." Elphaba blushed and Fiyero sighed, staring down at their entwined hands, "I know that you're never going to act the same around me unless by some miracle you fall in love with me. I know you won't kiss me on the cheek anymore, afraid to send me the wrong message. And it pains me to know that you're face won't light up anymore when you see me because things between just…aren't the same anymore. I know that we're always going to be best friends, and I know you don't agree with me, but I think that best friends can be lovers too. And even though you don't feel the same, I actually feel kind of lucky that I fell in love with my best friend."
"How can you feel lucky?" Elphaba murmured guiltily, "This is causing you more problems than falling in love should! Falling in love with somebody should feel good-"
"It does feel good Elphaba," Fiyero tilted her chin up, "It felt good and it's still feeling amazing because love is love and even if it's breaking my heart right now, it's at least bittersweet because I've finally found love, experienced it, and some people never do. I just want you to know that I will always love you and that I will wait and wait for you. And even if you don't fall in love with me until your 78 years old, I will still be there for you, because I love you and always will."
"Fiyero, are you trying to make this harder on me?" Elphaba asked, turning away from him.
"I know that's probably what it sounds like, but it's not my intention, I just want you to know how I feel. But for now, to make it easier on you…I won't remind you that I love you anymore, I won't harass you everyday about it. I will be Fiyero, your friend and nothing more until you decide you want more."
"Fiyero that may never happen." Elphaba bit her lip. Fiyero shrugged.
"Even if it doesn't, it won't change how I feel." Fiyero gently stroked her hand with his thumb. Elphaba didn't respond and Fiyero extracted his hand from hers and smiled at her, "Now, should we do what old friends do and have movie night at my place tonight?" Elphaba turned around and smiled at him weakly. She could see the sadness in his eyes, despite his smile. She could see the pain in his chest, despite his comforting words. She could see how hard he was trying to make things easier for her, even if it meant more hurt on his side. Even though he was smiling, she could see him crying inside and it took all Elphaba's strength to smile just like he was smiling, but even she couldn't stop herself from crying on the inside.
"Sure, I'll be over at eight." Elphaba bit her lip before leaning forward and kissing his cheek. He smiled sadly at her and she quickly got up, walking away. He stayed sitting on the bench, thinking. He looked up at the sky silently and then flipped it off, justifiably he thought.
"Bob, you fucking suck."
2 Weeks Later
Movie night had been a success, at least to some degree. There were more awkward moments than there ever were before, but still, they had some laughs too and the night didn't end without a popcorn fight. It was the next day and Fiyero was cleaning up bits of popcorn off of the floor, fairly satisfied with how last night had gone. Sure, it wasn't exactly like old times, but it had been fun. He walked to his desk to put the popcorn bits in the trash and he groaned as he saw the letter lying there. That little piece of paper was probably going to ruin his life. He sighed and plopped into his seat, rereading the letter, hoping for a loophole. Each time he reread it though, he got more and more depressed until he was just frustrated with how much he hated his life. He crumbled up the letter and stuffed it into a drawer before walking to his bed and falling down face flat on the mattress, not bothering to change into pajamas as he drifted to sleep.
(A/N: Just so you know, Fiyero isn't kidding about the 'crazy shit' in the letter, it's some crazy shit)