Thanks to: Savage havoc, totes. Mah. Gotes, DarkArrow62, ec620, dr. moew1234, crazy-chick-4life, Stephanie Dainiak Cullen, dazzleglo, ohtobeyoung, bearygirl, steph A15, twilight642531, and DenisseWinters.
Standard Disclaimer Applies.
…BBC…
It wasn't too long until the family had gotten over the missing each other stage and progressed into the getting annoyed with everything regarding each other stage.
"Really, Tony? You couldn't put down the toilet seat?" Ellie yelled from the bathroom. Tony shifted next to me, wrinkling his nose.
"Your face couldn't put down a toilet seat."
"So immature." Seth groaned, collapsing on the other side of me and stretching out on the couch. Edward had gone off and left me alone with three of the monsters as he went to the furniture store. He and O were going to meet Em and Jazz and pick out new beds for the twins.
"Ugh..." Ellie grunted from the bathroom, Seth rolled his eyes and we ignored the period riddled teen.
"Mommy, isn't Daddy's birthday soon?" Tony asked
"Mom, I have practice in like ten minutes." Ellie said, popping up in front of me.
"Aw shi-" The pairs of wide eyes were on me and I winced. "-it." They grinned, obviously expecting my dumbass to change what I was saying.
"You can get it from Daddy when we get back." I said standing and heading for my room.
Ellie fell into step next to me. "I forgot to tell you, there's a new girl on our team."
Okay...?
"Is she any good?" I asked looking at her. My foot kicked something and then got stuck and wrapped up, sending me to the floor. "Holy shit!" I groaned splaying out my hands to brace my fall. I sat up with a huff to see what had tripped me and I came face to face with the fucking stoned poodle.
"Ah!" I pulled the blanket part from around me feet and Ellie held her stomach as she laughed.
"Are you okay?" She laughed picking up the cuddle uppet and lending me a hand.
"I'm surprised you could stop laughing long enough to ask." I grumbled, taking her hand and letting her hoist me up. "Fucking thing- Ugh."
Ellie stuck her hand into the head, making the mouth open and close. "Don't be mad, Mommy. I love-a you!" She sang, pushing it into my face and rubbing the fabric tongue against my cheek.
I grabbed the dog's snout and tossed it onto the dresser. "Creepy ass thing…" I wrinkled my nose before turning back to Ellie. "Back to the girl."
"Paige."
"Sure. What's wrong with Paige? Does she suck or something?" Ellie shook her head.
"No, no, she's pretty good... But she isn't really the problem." I lifted an eyebrow.
"Who is the problem?" I asked, going into the bathroom and quickly changing into soccer appropriate clothes.
"Her mom isn't too friendly."
"Ellie I'm not completely socially incompetent. We won't have a problem if she doesn't start one. If she were really that bad I'm sure your dad would have mentioned her." I sighe
"Well, she's not mean to Daddy. Or Jaime's dad. Just the moms and ugly dads. I think she's under the impression that Daddy is single."
"That's not hard to rectify." I shrugged, grabbing my purse.
"But don't… you know, go all Bella on her." I frowned, feeling a little put out.
There's no such thing as going Bella...
"Don't worry, I promise that the two of us will leave the field with minimal injuries." She narrowed her eyes and we headed downstairs rounding up the unwilling boys.
"Text your dad, tell him where we went, okay?" Ellie nodded and the four of us filed into the car.
We made it to the field just as practice started, Ellie jogged to the field and I went and sat with the parents as Seth and Tony went a safe distance away to play with the soccer ball we'd brought. They were soon joined by some of the other siblings from the team.
"Hey, haven't seen you in a while!" Jennifer Altera said leaning over to hug me. Jen was a tall, skinny woman she looked like a model and had the heart of Betty Crocker. She was probably the sweetest mother on the team, aside from me of course.
"Yeah, I've been on bed rest for a while." I said shaking my head. "I fractured a rib." She winced and patted my thigh.
"Dear lord, are you alright?" I nodded waving her worry.
"Yes, thank you, I'm fine." She nodded and then leaned into me.
"You see the blonde, front row?" My eyes landed on a bleach blonde head and I nodded.
"She's the noob." I chuckled at her choice of term. "And resident jerk. She's managed to terrorize every one of us so far."
"She screamed at me because my daughter accidentally picked up her daughters water bottle." Jen said shaking her head at the memory.
"What'd you do, Jen?" Asked Macy Clark, a robust woman who was older than Jen and me. Macy came to everything of her granddaughter's, it was sweet.
"Well what would you do if that happened to you, Macy?" Little Barbara Altera asked, batting her large baby like eyes at the woman who looked old enough to be her grandmother. Barbara has managed to look like she was eighteen for twenty years.
"I don't know." Macy answered honestly.
"I woulda taken her ass out." I said glaring at Claire.
"If you didn't like her before you really won't like her after we tell you this." Barbara said sucking in her cheeks as we leaned in closer to each other, like the gossiping bitches we were.
"There are two people Claire really likes out of all the parents." I nodded at Jens words.
"Mind you, she's a single." Macy threw in.
"These two people are," Jen paused dramatically and I grew bored with the story.
"Edward and Dave." They all gasped drawing the attention to us.
"You knew?" Macy shrieked.
"Ellie forewarned me." I shrugged, Edward could befriend whoever the hell he wants.
With conditions.
Edward was a flirt, I understood. There's a difference between light tease-flirting and I'm interested flirting. Those lines were not to be crossed or we would have a problem.
There were also a number of ladies who just wanted in his pants. They were slightly different from category A and those women were complete No No's.
I didn't know Claire well enough to place her in either category, if she goes into one at all.
"I trust Edward, it's not really a big deal unless she breaks a rule."
"She and pretty boy are like besties, Bella." Macy said with a pointed look.
"Macy, please." Jen rolled her eyes patting my hand. "Handsome is very cautious about his contact with Claire." I nodded and bit my lip. "She does call him Edward, though."
"Edward?" The ladies nodded and I rolled my eyes. "That's his name."
"No, not here he's pretty boy."
"Handsome."
"Cute ass." I chuckled at their unoriginal names. The sound of a car came closer to the bleachers where we all sat. Every head in the parents section turned to stare at the new comer.
"I have a five that says Claire jumps up to meet him." Barbara said digging in her purse.
"I'll take that she wouldn't do that with Bella being here." I shook my head, Claire had no idea who I was. That bet was lost before it started. Jen was a recovering gambling addict and Barbara was a dick about it. She didn't directly make fun of her but she would bet little shit that she knew she'd win, to make a quick buck off of her friend.
It was damn near impossible to stop Jen when she wanted a bet. So we just gave up, like the true friends we were. Sure enough Claire's ass half leaped out of her seat, going towards Edward who was lifting Olivia out of the passenger seat. Olivia was grabbing at Edward's shorts as he pulled out a Hello Kitty cushion for her to sit on. He turned and smiled down at her earning answering smiles from both O and I.
Macy laughed, "Cute ass will be cute." I rolled my eyes, now I knew why his head was the size of an air balloon. He came to practices to be gawked at.
"Uh oh, Claire's closing in on pretty boy." Claire pranced up to my husband and when she went for a hug he bent down and swung O into his arms, offering her a smile. Olivia glared at Claire and wrapped that fucking cuddle uppet around her shoulders.
"Ooh that was deliberate." Macy fell out laughing. Claire reached at to tickle Olivia who smacked her hand away and said something that made both Edward and Claire gasp.
"Cute ass isn't a dumbass." I said to Macy with a smirk as the trio made it to us. I stood from my seat and went towards Edward when a loud whistle from the field was blown.
"Masen, head in the game!" I turned to see Ellie staring at me with a pleading look. I winked at her and she shook her head. I turned from her and closed the difference.
"Hi, baby." I kissed Edward on the lips gently, before tapping a frowning Olivia's nose and kissing her cheek. Claire lifted an incredulous eyebrow at me as I spoke to my daughter.
Whatever the fuck her issue is…
"What's wrong, cutie?" Olivia scowled at Edward and reached for me. I pulled her into my arms and Claire elbowed him in the ribs.
"I don't like her." Olivia said pointing at Claire.
"Oh," Edward smiled, "Claire this is my wife, Bella. Bella this is Claire, Paige's mother." I stuck out my hand and she shook it eagerly. "I need to get this to Ellie." He said lifting up a large bottle of Gatorade. I nodded and he walked towards the bench.
"I've heard a lot about you," I said as nicely as I possibly could.
"Hm I'm sure you have. I didn't know Edward was married. He doesn't wear a ring. Never mentioned you." Claire said dropping the pleasant act.
"That doesn't make sense." Olivia scowled at the woman, reminding me so much of a little Ellie. "He's the daddy so there would have to be a mommy. You would have to know he was married."
"Honey, not every daddy has a mommy." I said pushing O's hair out of her face.
"Mine does. So leave him alone." She said raising an eyebrow at Claire, daring her to question her words.
See Ellie, I didn't even have to bitch at her.
I mentally snickered at O before scowling, "Olivia that was rude, this is Daddy's friend, you should be nice."
"You're one to talk."
"I'm sorry?" I asked narrowing my eyes and trying to keep my cool.
I was getting better at it…
"I've heard that you were anything but nice." She said sucking in her cheeks.
"Yeah?" I was about to hit her so hard that fucking bleach would come out. "From who?"
"Edward." I set Olivia down and gestured for her to go to Edward. This bitch was lying and I didn't want Olivia or her creepy ass blanket to hear this shit.
"Edward?" I lifted an eyebrow and chuckled a little bit. "Walk with me, Claire."
Just hope I don't trip your ass.
I turned and started walking to the parking lot, feeling pretty satisfied when she followed. "I thought you said you hadn't heard anything about me?"
"He's talked about you, but…" I could see the lie building in her eyes. "He never said who you were."
"Right, right. Well, Claire, don't make it a habit to try and fuck things up, relationship wise. And I don't think you should either, because turns out you are pretty bad at it." She gave me the 'I'm going to kick your ass' eyes and I gave her the 'Please, try it.' glare.
"You can think what you want. It doesn't change what he told me."
"Something tells me, that my husband wouldn't tell you, someone he just met, that I am unpleasant. I don't think he'd tell anyone that." I said wrinkling my nose, and shaking my head.
She shrugged, offering nothing else. "Well, now I see why you're said to be 'anything but nice'. That was actually said, in case you were wondering." She glared at me and I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, yeah. Whatever. Maybe you should take this up with your husband."
"Or you could stop making shit up." I shrugged. "That'd help too."
"Look, you don't even know me-"
"No but I know Edward enough to know that you are lying." I shrugged.
"You obvious-"
"Yeah, well, I'm done with this conversation. I'd say it was nice to meet you but-" I made a wry face and she jerked her head back. "then I'd be lying." I turned on my heel and headed back to the field, Edward was looking around the parking lot for us as he walked from the field.
"God, you are a bitch!" She yelled from behind me, I tilted my head down slowly a humorless smile on my face.
I was getting better at keeping my cool.
It wasn't like I'd mastered it.
I turned quickly, walking back towards her. "Oh, you have no idea."
"What is your problem?" She screamed, obviously the bitch had a volume issue.
"My problem is that you are all over my husband-" She opened her mouth and I held up a finger. "I saw you. And now you're lying to me. That causes problems in my book." Her eye twitched and I leaned in closer to her. "So listen carefully. You stay the fuck away from Edward. Okay?" Her eye twitched a little faster and I wrinkled my nose.
The fuck?
It became fairly obvious that she had some kind of anger management issue when she shrieked and her fist flew towards me. I grabbed her wrist and flipped it behind her back, pushing her into the nearest car.
"Yeah, that wouldn't be something you'd want to try." I sighed, twisting her arm.
"You crazy-"
"Oh you are one to talk. Aren't we a little old for petty fights over boys?"
"Bella?" Edward's voice echoed across the parking lot, I hadn't even realized we'd moved so far from the field. I pulled Claire back up, patting her shoulder.
"We should act like this never happened and you should go away." She narrowed her eyes once more, the left one twitched again and she swung out to hit me.
As if it worked the last time.
"Or you can try and hit me again." I groaned, knocking her arm away from me, before it made contact. "You should just stop." I said nodding at her patronizingly.
"Bella?" I looked up over the car to look toward the sound of Edward's voice but I didn't see him. Then there were hands wrapped around my waist.
"Glad to see you made a good impression." He sighed as Claire glared and panted.
"Well you know me." I growled as my eyes were still focused on Claire's.
"I do," He turned me from Claire and coaxed me into walking away. "you are trouble, Mrs. Masen."
"You cause trouble, Mr. Masen." He moved next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Aww, was that about me?" He pressed his knuckle to my cheek and twisted it. "Isn't that cute?"
"Edward, I'm just warning you, I'm not happy." I said, locking my jaw, he let go of me completely and I frowned.
"No, I liked that." I said quietly, pulling his arm back around me. He chuckled and kissed my temple.
"So… what happened?" He asked slowly.
"She's a bitch and you're mine. That's all." He pulled me to the bleachers, straddling the metal, one leg behind my back and the other parallel to my thigh.
"Where was she, cute ass?" Barbara asked.
"Right where you said she was." He groaned. Jen slapped a twenty into Barbs hand and I rolled my eyes.
"Well if it helps, I still love you." Edward said, turning my chin towards him so that I could see his small, extremely cute smile.
"I love you too." I smiled, leaning forward to peck his lips. I lightly scraped the tips of my finger down his five o' clock shadow that was kind of driving me crazy. I pulled away from him and tried to keep it kid friendly.
"How was bed shopping?" I asked hesitantly. If there was one thing he and my brother were terrible it was picking out furniture. They were completely incompetent when it came to matching.
He said he could do it, and I put a whole shit load of trust into him.
I said trust. Not belief.
"It went well." He smiled, pulling out his phone and pulling up a picture. I squinted at the screen in confusion, before looking up at Edward and back to the screen.
"That's not a bed." He lifted an eyebrow.
"Yeah it is."
"That's a crib, Edward." I said furrowing my eyebrows. "You're just fucking with me right?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows, a red head of curls covered up the screen as Olivia ducked over the phone.
"That's my bed, Mommy! You like it?" She turned and grinned at me.
"Did you buy this?" Edward shrugged.
"It folds out becomes a full sized bed." My eyes widened incredulously.
"Why wouldn't you just get a regular full sized bed?"
"This is more convenient." I sat back and cocked my head to the side.
"How so?"
"When Ellie moves out Olivia can have her bed. Then we can change Olivia's bed back into the crib and we can have more kids." He pulled me into his chest and kissed my ear. I braced my hand on his thigh and slid away from him.
"No more kids." Olivia nodded her agreement.
"Not even once Ellie graduates?" He pouted widening his eyes and if my vagina weren't in jeopardy, I probably would have popped one out right there. Just because of those eyes.
"Not even. Sorry, baby."
"Bella don't you want a little kids running around the house again? Someone to hold and rock or whatever you women do." I raised an eyebrow before making a wide sweeping gesture to Olivia who was glaring at him.
"She's little and look." I leaned over and hugged her tightly, cooing and rocking back and forth.
"See, we're good. That needs to go back." I tapped his screen.
"What if Ellie gets pregnant before she leaves the house?" Edward asked.
"We have two cribs still in the attic." I sighed. "And she's not getting pregnant. I can't even... Don't say stuff like that. No more babies for anyone in that house. Ever."
"You don't own me, Isabella." Edward sneered, "If I want to make a baby, I'll make one." He thumped his stomach with his fists and Olivia frowned.
"How?" Edward pointed at her, making her go cross eyes as she stared at his finger.
"You let me worry about that." I smacked his hand down, trying to hold back my laugh
"Good luck with that." I chuckled. Claire walked out from behind the bleachers, flipping me off as she went to sit on the first set of bleachers again.
Bitch.
Jen gasped from the other end of the bleachers and I turned, shaking my head at her. We passed meaningful looks, and gestures, back and forth until she was completely up to date about the happenings in the parking lot.
"Okay, I'm going to be honest with you." He said unleashing the full smoldering power of his eyes on me, drawing my attention back to him. I narrowed my eyes when he picked up my hand and peppered kisses across my knuckles.
"I-" kiss "got-" kiss "the-" kiss "bed-" kiss "from-an-extremely-shady-place-that-has-ridiculously-good-prices-but-is-nonrefundable." I pulled my hand away and my mouth dropped open.
"Are you serious?" I groaned. "Edward…"
"I'm sorry."
I sighed, "When are we supposed to pick up the crib?"
"Bed." I rolled my eyes. "Well, we have to take apart the twins old beds first… But the beds are coming in about three hours." My eyes widened.
"Two beds to take apart in three hours? They're delivering four hours after the purchase?"
Edward shook his head, standing as Ellie's practice ended and helping me to my feet as well. "They aren't delivering. Jasper's going to take Emmett's truck and get the beds. The 'store'-" He used air quotes and everything. "doesn't deliver and things have to be cleared right after purchase."
"What? Why? Where in the hell did you go?"
"A warehouse. By the way, we need to stop by the bank so I can get the money for Tony's bed. I only had half of it in cash today." Ellie trudged over to us, casting a wary glance at Claire who sat next to Jaime's father, Dave.
"They don't take checks or credit cards?" He shook his head and mine dropped back on my shoulders.
"Hey, I said it was sketchy." He shrugged, like that made everything better.
"Sounds like you're buying stolen goods, Edward." I said shaking my head at him while I met Claire's glare.
"Sounds like I got a great deal."
I'd hope so.
"We need to get home to start breaking apart the beds, we only have a few hours." It was that simple nod that had me on my knees twenty minutes later, stabbing a screw driver into a slab of wood.
"Do you know how to work a screwdriver, Bella?"
"Who do you think helped Alice drill a hole in your wall when you were a freshman?" I asked.
"Those are two totally different tools." He said rolling his eyes. I growled at him and wedged the flat part of the screwdriver head under the screw, trying to pry it out.
"Where are you planning on going for Edward's birthday dinner?" Emmett asked as he helped me take apart Olivia's old bed.
"I'm not really sure. He doesn't really have a favorite restaurant." I said biting my lip as I tried to unscrew the footboard from one of the side rails, with the tongy end of the hammer.
"I'll help you find a restaurant." Em grinned and I huffed at the bed. I'd been fighting with the fucking part for ten minutes now with no progress.
Fucking…
"Okay, thanks." I said as I stood and pushed my hair out of my face before pushing the footboard onto its face.
"What are you doing?" Emmett asked with wide eyes as he watched me kick at the wooden rail.
"Taking the bed-" The wood began to splinter at the base, where it connected to the footboard and I smiled. "apart." I turned to the side, planting my foot down firmly on the floor, balled up my fists at my chest and kicked out my foot, nailing the wood.
"Well we didn't call you crazy for nothing." Em sighed as he continued to work with the bullshit screws.
I ignored the jibe and kicked the rail once more, sending it crashing down to the floor. "You said you'd help. How?"
"I'll ask him, casually."
"I don't need you to ask him, we've already discussed it. He doesn't have one." I started working on kicking the other rail.
"We can either do this the easy way or the hard way." Em said quietly.
"I've always been a fan of the easy way."
"Pizza." I rolled my eyes and switched legs as I delivered the multiple kicks.
"No, that says "Hey honey, I love you enough to get you a slice of pepperoni". That won't work. Would you want something delivered for your birthday?" Emmett frowned.
"It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno."
"You're DiGiorno." I said sticking out my tongue.
"Mature…" Ellie muttered as she walked by.
"You don't have anything else up your sleeve that's the easy way?"
"McDonalds." He said shrugging.
"You're fired."
"Who are you Donald Trump?"
"Oh that's so funny, last time I heard it I fell off my dinosaur."
"You never had a dinosaur." I gave him a 'really?' look and he shrugged again.
"You don't know that."
"Oh but I do." I growled and spun away from him, throwing out my leg in the process and roundhouse kicked the wood to the floor.
"Jeeze, chick," Emmett said with a whistle. "You been hittin' the gym?"
"When I have the time." I sighed. "But with the kids, Edward and my broken-" I paused. "body I haven't been able to go in like… Five months…" I rested my hands on my hips as I looked at the fucked up wood. "Maybe a year? Who knows?"
"You went a year. Without going to the gym? And you look like that?" I missed spending time with Emmett. He was my drinking buddy and moody-less version of Alice all in one. "Don't get me wrong; we Swans have good gene's- but not that good." Edward walked into the room and picked up the footboard and rails that I'd just destroyed.
"How do you do it?" Edward and I turned to smirk at each other before turning back to Emmett. I wiggled my eyebrows and saw Edward thrust from my periphery.
"Ugh, you guys are…" Em honestly looked sick. "That's my sister man." He threw a screw and Edward who had his tongue hanging out of his mouth, eyes closed, as he thrust into air and made a spanking motion with his hand.
"Too far." I groaned, hip checking him out of his air porn. He grinned sheepishly at me and I rolled my eyes, pointing at the door. Emmett and I decided that we would break apart the entire bed as long as Edward made trash runs. Yes it was pointless to have him going back and forth carrying pieces of furniture all over the house but it gave Em and me alone time that we haven't had all year.
Edward left the room and I went towards Em, kneeling next to him as he stared intently at the screw. "Is there anything between easy and hard?"
"Medium, but that's the quitters way out. Do you hate Edward that much?" He said, his brown eyes boring into my own, making me feel extremely guilty.
"Okay, what's the hard way?"
"File stalking!" He sang, rubbing his hands together. I mentally leapt for joy because who in their right mind didn't appreciate a little file stalking?
"You have a file on Edward?"
"Nope, I have a file on his dad."
"We aren't taking him to his dad's favorite restaurant." I said rolling my eyes, Emmett shook his head. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through something for a second before pulling up a digital version of Robert McCarty's file.
"It says here Robby was Italian and German… And Luxembourgian? Well that's a shitty combo." He frowned, making me chuckle. "You can't go anywhere but Luxembourg to get Luxembourgian food."
"Why don't we try German?" I asked, peeking over his shoulder at the phone.
"Nah… You can't find a good Spanferkel in America."
Spanferkel?
"What the hell is Spankerl?"
"Spanferkel." He corrected.
"What is it?"
"A whole roasted baby pig." I wrinkled my nose and gagged.
"No. Just… no." He shrugged.
"Well we could go for Italian?" He offered, I shrugged one shoulder. Italian just seemed so…
Unoriginal.
"What about his mother's side? Can we file dive her?"
"I've tried. Mama Masen is squeaky clean, minus the Public Indecency and Disturbing the Peace charges. They don't take down background information for that stuff." I nodded, knowing that Mama Masen was a bit wild in her day. But hell, if she wasn't we wouldn't have Ellie. "I could do a background check on her, but that'd take a lot longer…"
Edward walked back into the room, leaning over our shoulders. Emmett shoved his phone to the floor and we smiled up at Edward. "Who are you background checking? Why don't you just have Rose do it?"
"I don't think Rose would help you guys if her life were on the line."
"How would a background check help us? Who are you searching again?" Edward asked, his green eyes shining with confusion.
I leaned into Em, "Italian it is." I pulled away before looking up at my husband. "Don't worry about it, Baby." I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.
"If you guys start humping… I swear-" I laughed and looked over my shoulder to see Emmett holding the fucking dog blanket in my face. I pulled myself in tighter to Edward, gasping as Emmett made it talk.
"Don't be afraid, Bella." He said in a cartoony voice.
"Why… is it everywhere?"
"I think it just wants a cuddle." Edward laughed, his whole entire body shook with laughter. His phone buzzed in his pocket and mine soon followed. I pulled away to answer it, after kicking the dog out of Emmett's hand of course.
Possible Pro. Bust. We need you at the office ASAP.- Chief C
"Chief C… I told him to change that, he sounds like a Native American Porn star." Em groaned.
"You guys were called in for a prostitution bust?"
"Looks like the chief finally decided it's time to put the calves to use." Edward propped his foot up on O's princess chair, stroking his calve.
"Uh oh, Bellsy! Looks like you're going to be the backup this time. Watch out world, the E's are hitting the streets." Em said standing and striking a pose.
"Right. That's what it is." I said skeptically.
"No doubt, Baby."
"Or maybe he'll dress you up like women and let the guys go at you." My phone buzzed and I looked at it again.
Never mind, texted the wrong group. That was supposed to go to Marilynn.- Chief C
There was the sound of lips smacking from Emmett's end of the room. "Looks like you're not the top prostitute anymore, B." Em said, Edward rolled his eyes.
"Pity." He said sarcastically.
My eyes widened and a I swear I got a heat flash. "Edward, I'm losing it."
Oh my god.
This is it.
"Ew, when did you have it?" Emmett asked wrinkling his nose. My face crumpled and my eyes widened.
Menopause.
Edward cocked his head to the side. "Losing what?"
"I'm too old now! Menopause, Edward!" I grabbed Edward's biceps and tried to shake him, unfortunately he's bigger and sturdier then I am. So I ended up using him as a brace while I shook myself. He put his hands on my hips, stopping me from my conniption.
"You're only around thirty." He winced, awkwardly patting my arm.
"I'm on the wrong side of thirty!"
"Are you just now realizing you're old?" Emmett asked skeptically.
Edward rolled his eyes, "Shut up, Emmett." He looked back to me, searching my eyes. "You aren't old, baby. Calm down."
"Yeah, B. If anyone in here is old it's Edward."
"I'm not old."
"Sixty is only a week away." Emmett said raising his eyebrows.
Edward sighed, "You're an asshole."
"I'm your asshole." Edward furrowed his eyebrow before reaching up and scratching it.
"I wouldn't say that..." He trailed slowly as I snickered.
"You're both assholes." Alice spoke from the door with a roll of her eyes. "Just two separate assholes."
"Hello to you too, Alice." Emmett said scowling at her and rolling his neck.
"We have your crib." She jerked her thumb backwards.
"Mom would punch you if she heard you flipping about thirty." He pursed his lips. "She's extremely old, Bella." Emmett grumbled from the corner of the room as he disassembled the final piece of the bed.
"Mom would be too stoned to do anything but tell my children I tried to ship them to Korea." I rolled my eyes. "I'm turning thirty six in September! Thirty six!" Edward's eyebrows lifted and Alice's scoffed from the doorway.
"Bella-"
"Someone should come help Jasper with this bed."
"Why don't you help, Alice?" Emmett asked childishly.
"Because I'm pregnant, Emmett."
"Congrats, little bit!" She scowled and spun on her foot, stomping off down the hallway.
Em bit his lip, his eyes wide. "Friendly…"
"Your mother's friendly."
"Thank you?" Alice huffed again from down the hall and Emmett popped the collar on his t-shirt.
He patted his crotch with a shrug. "She wants the dick."
…BBC…
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