At the End of the Day

by Still Lost in Translation

Filling in the gaps after the credits roll. Picking up where 4.17 #FindKaylaWeber left off, after a horrible couple of days Sharon was in need of a little TLC (Update: Chapter 43: The morning after Ch 42 - Sharon battles to get ready for work while dealing with a rejuvenated Andy after his all clear from the Doctor. Takes place six weeks after the end of White Lies Part Three 5x13)

37. Chapter 37

As always I'd like to start by thanking everyone who read the last chapter and special thanks to eelise187, 98, MkSC, MaxiP99, Rachel J, Adler, jujuone231, xbleeple, Baker St, seaford71, Elaine Huang, Cris, HeiBeSo and the two Guests for leaving such lovely reviews. I appreciate each and every single one of them. If you'd like to let me know what you think of this chapter I would be very grateful for that too or alternatively you can find me on Twitter at DHPLover.

Sorry for the delay in updating but first I went on holiday for my birthday and then I had a mountain of work to catch up on when I got back. I'll be honest, I never thought I'd get to this point in the story (although SO much of this was written straight after White Lies aired almost two years ago that I was always going to write it down even if no one ever read it but I've been waiting a long time to reach this point) so I need to say thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing and enabling me to keep going.

Warning: This chapter features one use of M language and takes place during White Lies Part Two 5x12 near the beginning when Sharon finally sends everyone home from PAB for the night. I have thought long and hard about the timeline for these episodes and therefore the timeline within my story so I've decided (and you may disagree with me but this is just what I have chosen to do) that the courtroom shooting took place on the Friday morning based on Dwight's comment of him "waiting all week" to talk to Dr Joe on the stand. They didn't go home at all on the Friday night it seems (something which still bothers me since Sharon was suffering for so long before Andy could get her home and take care of her just a little) judging by the lack of wardrobe changes so this takes place on the Saturday night or very early on the Sunday morning. According to my timeline this means that they had been living together for eight days at that point.

As I've already said the majority of what happens in this chapter was formed and written down in note form after the episode aired two years ago. I doubt a lot of people will like what goes on and indeed some of things that Sharon does and says in the first quarter but it seemed right to me based on how she seemed to be suffering over what she'd been forced to do, what she later said to Father Stan in Confession and also as I battled to make Sharon's comment about Andy not understanding how she was feeling about killing Dwight make sense. I've also (rather meanly) given Sharon a couple of other things for her to feel guilty about and as a result this chapter is well out of my comfort zone. I have tried to make some of it light especially in the second half but on the whole it looks at some darker moments and I'll be honest part of it made me cry as I was writing it which was a brand new experience for me especially since I'm a tea drinker. The next chapter will be a LOT lighter before chapter 39 deals directly with Andy's heart attack and is again heavy although again I've tried to find some humour in it.

By accident this is a VERY long chapter, the second longest of them all at 54,000 words but I've now stopped worrying about the length of this story, it is what it is and no one is being forced to read it if it's too long. I've tried my best to eliminate all of the typos but I've also rushed to get it finished in time for Melanieto take on holiday so if I've typed 'hat stand' instead of 'Provenza' at any point, send your complaints to her :)

As usual I don't own any of these characters etc etc.

Enjoy.

At the End of the Day - Chapter Thirty-Seven

Andy rolled over in bed expecting his hand to land on a soft, warm body next to him so was taken by surprise when he discovered he was alone. He instantly opened his eyes as he sat up and strained to scan the room in the darkness, looking for Sharon. He was surprised in truth that he'd managed to fall asleep at all since he had so much playing on his mind as he climbed into bed just a few hours earlier, not just about Taylor's death and being so utterly helpless to stop it despite only being a few feet away and armed at the time, the guilt eating away at the heart of him since the moment he was declared dead. He was also extremely worried by how Sharon was reacting to it all. She was by no means like her old self to say the least and hadn't been since the moment it happened. In the end however, it didn't matter how many demons were doing battle in his mind, most of them seemingly set upon the idea of trying to keep him awake all night because he had also missed a night's sleep the day before and he wasn't as young as he used to be, nowhere near, so once the adrenaline that had kept him going without pause over the previous thirty six hours started to subside, passing out was pretty much inevitable once his head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes.

Still, it was not a surprise by any stretch of the imagination that he had woken and found that Sharon was gone. He knew she was suffering following the events of the courtroom, they all did in truth, but he knew there wasn't much he could do to comfort her until she was ready to talk to him about what was going on inside her head and when they were well clear of work. It was no exaggeration to say that Andy knew Sharon better than anyone at that point in their relationship which still continued to grow on an almost daily basis and therefore he knew full well that she wasn't going to speak to him, to let him know what was happening inside her head and almost eating away at her soul until she was ready with pushing her into the conversation before she was ready being probably the worst thing he could do. Chasing Sharon in a moment like that, when she was at her most fragile, only seemed to make her clam up more so he knew from experience that he had to be patient and not push her and wait until she was ready to come to him. He had no option but to wait and be there for her throughout but never more so than when she was ready to break down those walls and open up to him.

It had made Andy's heart ache just to look at her over the previous couple of days. She looked visibly broken, like she'd spent the last two days holding her breath and seemed to become physically and emotionally weaker in front of his eyes with every passing second as a result. When they had arrived home that evening it had mostly been to silence, only very briefly discussing the case on the drive from PAB, Sharon or rather Captain Raydor wanting to know a little more about what had happened and what he'd seen during his time in 'Nazi Land' (the very definition of the unhappiest place on Earth) that afternoon but she didn't say much after that, barely ten words in total before climbing into bed next to him.

When they first got home she had gone for a very long shower almost immediately before she then sat in the bath with several large glasses of wine to keep her company which was a blatant signal that all was not well in her mind (Andy happily topping her wine up for her without being called but knowing what she wanted, an extra glass and silence rather than forcing her into a conversation), not wanting anything to eat and then with the lateness of the hour going straight to bed. She had only done one other thing before she turned out the lamp on her nightstand, stuffing her clothes from the last two days into a trash bag and then depositing them in the bottom of the trash can in the kitchen, knowing that there were some small stray drops of blood on them that could have come from multiple sources and not wanting that outfit or the memories it brought to mind when she saw it anywhere near her ever again. Andy didn't know how long she had been aware of the blood on her jacket but he had spotted it almost immediately but opted to keep its presence to himself until they got home so as not to upset her even more than she already was while at work, her stripping before he had any chance to say anything. The whole conversation seemed a little pointless after she'd both showered and bathed when they returned home but it was the extent to which she cleaned herself from head to toe when she got home as if she was desperately trying to wash something more serious away like Lady Macbeth which had Andy worried the most but he was determined to wait for her to be ready and come to him rather than pushing her into anything.

That night as they climbed into bed and Andy virtually collapsed the moment his head hit the pillow there was no long conversation between them before they went to sleep for the very first time since they started to sleep together. Aside from that first night, the first time they fell asleep in each other's arms when they were both too exhausted and overwhelmed to say much more than how happy they felt and how much they loved each other now that they'd finally said it out loud for the first time (plus Andy was still battling his nerves even after Sharon had invited him into her bed and thought that silence was much better than his mouth getting the better of him and their first night being ruined by their first fight) before going to sleep. The following night Andy once again stayed over but he went to bed fairly early because he could hardly keep his eyes open just two weeks after returning to work following his blood clot surgery, the whole experience of going from hardly being able to move off the couch or his hospital bed for two weeks to getting back to the gym and then returning to work really taking a toll on him physically. One power nap later and when Sharon finally came to bed (opting to brush her teeth in the shower to avoid waking him up) Andy was wide awake, rejuvenated and extremely talkative which led to the first of what would become many rounds of pillow talk where they discussed anything and everything, that hour or so before going to sleep being the best part of the day for both of them, just them in bed with her head on his shoulder or face to face with their arms around each other, looking directly into each other's eyes and putting the word to rights.

Sadly there were no rounds of pillow talk that night, the night after the shooting, where Andy usually laughed her into a deep and extremely peaceful sleep, the broken love of his life currently incapable of speech. Instead Andy just spooned up behind her, holding her close to his chest and making sure that she knew he was there for her and always would be when she was ready to talk about it, that he was the person she could lean on during the good times and the bad, no matter what. As he kissed her shoulder a couple of times he told her just how much he loved her before he said 'Goodnight' and squeezed her even tighter against his chest. It took a moment but he heard the unmistakeable hitch to her voice as she took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying not to let her emotions show, only managing a quiet 'I love you too. Goodnight my darling boy' in response as she wrapped her arms around his to make sure he didn't let go of her as he drifted off to sleep but her ragged and emotional breaths let him know that all was not well in her world but still all he could do was wait until she was ready to talk to him.

It should have been a comfort to her to have Andy pressed against her, the weight of his arm slung over her side and pulling her towards the warmth of his chest as she heard and felt him breathing deeply behind her. Sadly it wasn't. It made her feel even worse as a true determination set within her to not allow herself to fall apart, not yet, not when they were still so far away from arresting those that planned the carnage in that courtroom. She needed to stay strong and focused and as completely unemotional for as long as humanly possible because there was still so much left unsolved. It was a tall order and it was going to be a battle but she wanted to hold herself together until the case was over just as much as she didn't want to completely fall apart in front of Andy. She knew of course that he was the one person who would always be there for her and to comfort her when she needed it (he'd done it multiple times in the past for example even before they were dating) so if she was ever going to truly fall apart in front of another person it would be him but as they continued to live in the midst of their little moving in together honeymoon period bubble, both of them so deliriously happy and just loving life before that Friday morning, she was determined not to ruin it for him with a mini emotional breakdown even though one was fully warranted under the circumstances.

Andy sat up a little straighter in bed and looked towards the bathroom to see if the light was on and shining under the door. It wasn't. Still that didn't mean that she wasn't in there and seeking refuge in the darkness away from him, afraid to wake him with her tossing and turning in bed, so he got up and rounded the bed anyway before quietly knocking on the bathroom door, not wanting to startle her if she was indeed in there and waited patiently for an answer. When there was still no response he carefully opened the door but found the bathroom empty. He closed the door behind him and headed for the bedroom door with real purpose…until he stubbed his toe yet again on the big pile of boxes and bags in the corner of the room than contained his belongings, all of it still piled in the corner where Julio and the rest of the division had stacked it a week earlier with none of it likely to be put away any time soon with work currently the way it was.

"Shit!" he cried with real irritation and pain as he hopped up and down on the spot for a moment, rubbing his foot and flexing his toe with a groan. After rather gingerly putting his foot on the floor once again he put a hand on the doorframe to steady himself and grimaced with real pain. They had been living together for eight days by that point and he'd managed to stub his toe on one of his boxes on at least thirty seven occasions, a minimum of four times a day. It was only a matter of time before he broke it, more by luck than judgement that he hadn't done it already. He looked at the pile of boxes through the darkness with a sigh and thought for a moment or two, wondering when they would ever find the time to put it away with their current case obviously taking priority above almost everything else in life for the foreseeable future. Then of course when work had finally calmed down again there was the inevitable battle to clear out the closet a little as well first before he could even think about unpacking anything, all of which seemed utterly insignificant in comparison to what had happened the day before and the revolting and needless loss of life in that courtroom.

He opened the door and immediately saw the light coming from the living room which at least solved one mystery for him although he knew full well that other much more serious problems lay ahead for him. Andy slowly limped his way into the living room and looked around, not seeing Sharon anywhere at first glance after expecting to find her curled up on the couch with a cup of tea in hand and watching television, assuming he'd have to keep quiet while she enjoyed God awful Badge of Justice repeats. He looked towards the balcony but she wasn't there either. It was only then that he heard a noise coming from the kitchen, the sound of intense scrubbing. He slowly walked or rather hobbled towards it and was frankly stunned by the sight he saw in front of him, making him stop dead in his tracks. There she was at three o'clock in the morning, Sharon Raydor on her hands and knees, clad in one of his pale blue dress shirts that she'd claimed to sleep in well over six months earlier, a pair of his grey pyjama bottoms (which were newly stolen from him in the week since he'd moved in, only in that moment becoming aware that he no longer 'owned' them) and a pair of bright yellow rubber gloves as she scrubbed the shelves in the cabinet next to the oven, the contents of it spread on the floor all around her. She'd clearly gotten changed before starting work, going to bed in a peach satin nighty that made him groan with lust and practically drool the first time she showed it to him a few weeks earlier but obviously she had changed to make it easier to clean. A half empty bottle of red wine and a glass sat on the counter. It was a new bottle, one he'd bought for her himself only three days earlier so he knew that she'd had a fair amount to drink on top of hardly eating for two days since the shooting and that was without the couple of glasses she'd gulped down in the bathtub. Not that Andy blamed her in the slightest for drowning her feelings in a bottle of wine but still, it was highly unusual for her to drink so much in one evening. Aside from not liking drinking to excess (you only had to look at Jack and what his drinking did to her and their children to understand why), Sharon was also extremely hypersensitive when it came to drinking alcohol in front of Andy since they first started to spend time together outside of work at Nicole's wedding. If he wasn't worried about her before he went to bed he certainly was after that discovery, suddenly deeply concerned by how she was reacting to what had happened in that courtroom the day before. Whether she was ready or not was irrelevant by that point, he had to try and push her into speaking to him about it in the small hope that he may be able to offer some small comfort or distraction at least, getting her to do anything other than cleaning on her hands and knees in the middle of the night instead.

"Sharon?" he said quietly so as not to startle her, unsure if she even knew she was no longer alone given how loud her frantic scrubbing had become.

Sharon stopped cleaning for a split second and despite how quiet and gentle his voice had been he had still startled her, almost making her jump out of her skin as she instantly tensed up. She continued her frenzied cleaning almost immediately, not even attempting to get up or turn around to look at him. She sniffed a couple of times before she spoke, a clear indication that she'd been crying and trying to hide it.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" she asked after a moment, her voice quiet and croaky, the emotion and distress she felt barely concealed despite her best efforts.

"No but I woke up in an empty bed," he said as he leant against the back of the couch, still half asleep, "which is something I hoped I'd never do again when we moved in together so I came a looking." He laughed, trying his hardest to keep the mood light when in reality it was anything but.

"Yes I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep."

"I can see that. What are you doing?" he asked despite the answer being abundantly clear but it was as good a place to start as any.

"I'm cleaning" came the response after a short pause.

"At three o'clock in the morning? You're cleaning at three o'clock in the morning?"

"I am indeed" she confirmed as her frantic scrubbing continued unabated.

He folded his arms across his chest and leant back against the couch a little more, getting comfortable and taking some of the weight off his injured foot. "Can I ask why?" he inquired gently, trying to tread as carefully as he could, walking across egg shells rather than landmines but he was more than aware that it could and probably would change and get worse at any moment.

"Because it's not going to do it itself."

"I get that but why are you cleaning the kitchen cupboards at three o'clock in the morning when you should be asleep or at least relaxing and trying to sleep?" he asked.

"Erm…I thought this was better and far more productive than lying next to you in bed tossing and turning and keeping you awake all night" she explained and tried her hardest to make it sound like she was doing it all for him, her frantic cleaning something of a favour. With the cupboard spotless she dropped her cleaning cloth and started to put everything back inside, stacking the plates and bowls one at a time. "I'm fine, really. Go back to bed, get some sleep."

Andy nodded. "I will but only if you come with me."

"I'm really not tired and I'd much rather do this right now." She took to her feet and started to wipe down the counter before scrubbing it furiously, cleaning it with the same intensity and ferocity she had used when she scrubbed herself clean in the shower and the bath a few hours earlier, once more looking like Lady Macbeth trying to desperately clean the blood from her hands that simply wasn't there to begin with.

"Then can I at least help you?" he asked, determined not to leave her alone while she cleaned even if she all but demanded it.

"Thank you but I really don't need your help" Sharon replied, the fake cheeriness that had been in her voice up until that point suddenly gone and what remained sounded almost harsh, like how she used to speak to him in the years before she started to spend more time around the division prior to taking over. "I need you to go back to bed Andy please" she practically begged him but he didn't move a muscle, his concern growing by the second, even more so because she had still yet to turn around and look at him. He could easily tell from her shaky voice that she'd probably been crying since the moment she climbed out of bed which explained why she'd been trying her hardest to avoid speaking to him all evening and even though he knew better than to push her before she was ready that didn't mean he was going to go back to sleep and leave her in such a state. He wasn't going anywhere.

Sensing his reluctance to move, Sharon cleared her throat, aiming for as neutral a tone as she could muster in an attempt to get him to leave her alone. "Really Andy I'm fine. Go back to bed. Please."

"Maybe later." He remained silent for a moment as he watched her continuing to scrub the hell out of the counter. "I thought this was my job now" he said finally with as much humour in his voice as he could muster. "That's what we agreed right when I moved in? I thought I was doing all the cleaning around here in nothing but an apron and a smile from now on in exchange for you letting me live with you?" He let out a small chuckle but Sharon remained silent, another sign that she really wasn't okay, usually unable to stop laughing at him.

"That's not exactly sanitary for the kitchen."

"Sure but neither was screwing each other senseless on my kitchen counter before Christmas but we didn't let that stop us either." He laughed again, hoping that she would join in but once again she remained silent with her back to him and scrubbing so hard it was a wonder that her arms weren't aching as a result.

"Go to bed Andy please. I'm fine."

"Sorry babe, no can do. I'm not going anywhere without you."

"Then keep your voice down please" she said with some bite to her tone. "I don't want to wake Rusty up too."

Andy nodded as he glanced down the hallway towards Rusty's room, looking to see if he had a light on and likewise not wanting to wake the kid if he'd managed to nod off despite his high levels of distress over Dr Joe. "Okay. No problem, I can do that." He stood rooted to the spot as he wondered what to do next. Mulling over the pros and cons in his mind he elected to be bold, to take charge of the situation for her sake since she obviously wasn't thinking clearly and not just because of the wine. As a result he stepped into the kitchen for the first time with the intention of wrapping his arms around her and at least attempt to stop her from scrubbing if nothing else. He didn't get far, the sound of his feet sticking to the newly cleaned and damp floor alerting her to his impending encroachment into her personal space and making her shoulders tense up almost immediately.

"Don't come in here, the floor is wet" she instructed him before he could get too close. He stopped dead in his tracks before taking a step back and leaning up against the bar instead, not taking his eyes off her for an instant. A few seconds later she ripped her rubber gloves off and hurled them into the sink along with the cloth before moving to the cutlery drawer and pulling it open with an almighty clatter, staring inside it. So much for trying not to wake Rusty he thought to himself. "Where do you want them?" she asked after a few moments.

"What? Where do I want what?" he replied, utterly baffled.

"The spoons" she cried as she grabbed them in one hand and waved them at him above her head. "Where do you want me to move them to?" In reply Andy just stared at the back of her head still completely bewildered and growing increasingly more alarmed by the second with Sharon still refusing to turn around and let him see her face. Eventually she was forced to fill the silence given that he clearly didn't understand what it was she was offering him. "We had a deal remember?" she reminded him while still refusing to turn and meet his eye. "In the very beginning when we were discussing moving in together I agreed that you could keep the spoons wherever you wanted them. Well we've moved in together so where do you want them?"

Andy sighed. He recalled the conversation, of course he did, not a day went by in that condo since long before they'd even started dating where he didn't open two or three drawers first before finally locating where the cutlery was kept, often accusing both Sharon and Rusty of moving the spoons to a different drawer every day just to mess with him (of late Rusty often alarmed but also amused to find his Mom's boyfriend standing in the kitchen and stirring his coffee with a pen or a leftover chopstick and on one morning fairly recently, his index finger) but it was three o'clock in the morning and they were both distraught for want of a better word over what had happened the day before and spoon placement was the very last thing on his mind. "Sharon" he said with another sigh.

"What?"

"It's three o'clock in the morning. We're both exhausted. We didn't sleep at all last night. We've just endured without doubt the two crappiest days of my entire career if not my entire life. I don't want to play musical chairs with the God damn spoons right now!" he all but shouted as his frustration got the better of him for a moment.

"Well then what do you want?"

"I just want you to talk to me babe" he pleaded a little too loudly with an exasperated shrug of his shoulders. He let that plea hang in the air for a moment or two to see if it would illicit any kind of response. It didn't. He sighed as he rubbed his hand down his face and lowered his voice. "If there was one problem I hadn't anticipated us having in this relationship after we moved in together it was that we'd stop talking to each other."

"Well what do you want me to say exactly?" she asked, unable to stop taking out her bad mood on him.

"Right now, whatever it is that's going on in inside that head of yours to keep you awake and cleaning at this hour." It seemed like a ridiculous thing to say even to him because he knew what was going on inside her head or at least he thought he did. In truth he was well off the mark in some areas and right on the money with others but regardless he felt that it was important for her and her wellbeing to open up about it and tell him instead of keeping it all bottled up and manifesting itself in extreme cleaning at an ungodly hour. "I just want you to talk to me. That's all" he said with a slight shrug. "But right now I'd just settle for getting you to look at me."

"Fine! They're in the top drawer by the sink" she practically shouted as she dropped the spoons back into their usual home. "That's where they've always been kept. That's where they'll always be kept. No one is moving them in your sleep just to annoy you. Okay?" She quickly slammed the drawer shut before she grabbed her cleaning cloth and resumed her frantic scrubbing, waking Rusty be damned.

Andy sighed again as he rubbed his face, that particular tactic was getting him nowhere, if anything making the whole situation much worse. "Sharon, sweetheart. Please. I'm begging you. I can't help you if you don't talk to me about it."

It was actually the first chance that he had really had to try and speak to her personally since the shooting happened with work obviously taking precedence in that time and the fact that she had made it abundantly clear to him that she didn't want to talk about it when they got home. In the immediate aftermath to the events in the courtroom the day before they were far too busy calling it in and getting the victims the urgent medical attention they required in order to save lives to really think about anything else much less each other. With both of them completely unharmed (physically at least, emotionally was a whole different story altogether as Andy was quickly discovering) through some miracle, the Captain and the Lieutenant stayed at the forefront at the expense of the couple who lived together and who could so cruelly have been parted forever just moments earlier.

With Dwight and Dr Joe momentarily stabilised at the scene and then taken away by ambulance to receive further treatment and after a valiant but ultimately fruitless effort (and trying a hell of a lot longer than he probably would have done if it was anyone else), Dr Morales sadly declared Assistant Chief Russell Taylor dead, joining DDA Rose, Deputy Simms, Marco Calderon and the eight victims as part of the trial as Dwight Darnell's many victims. After so much violence and a frenzy of activity the room was suddenly silent and still. Sharon, Andy, Amy, Dr Morales and Judge Richwood all stood in a stunned state of silent disbelief, allowing anyone entering the room to hear a pin drop. The carnage was over and they had survived but the real work had only just begun.

That was when the relief kicked in for both Sharon and Andy. The overwhelming relief that they had both managed to somehow survive, not least Sharon since she was standing right next to Taylor when he was shot to death and then had taken Dwight down herself just seconds later while there was still another bullet in the clip of his gun. Never wanting to push the boundaries at work regardless of the extreme circumstances, Andy simply placed a hand on her shoulder to check that she was okay. She immediately turned and wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him as if her life depended on it as he took her lead and did the same thing, both of them holding the other until they almost became one. Sharon took a deep and very ragged breath as she felt his arms holding her, her mind whirling with so many thoughts she could hardly comprehend any of them. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes or so until the Captain slowly came back to the forefront once again as she awaited not only the rest of her division to arrive to begin the investigation but also her former colleagues at FID who would need to clear her before she could return to active duty again. Not that they were the only ones to show some emotion and embrace each other during those few moments between Taylor being declared dead and reinforcements arriving to take over the scene, Dr Morales covered from head to toe in the blood of those he'd tried but ultimately failed to save sought solace in the arms of Amy as she did likewise, relief and distress washing over them in equal measure as they hugged each other. Taylor wasn't a regular at the morgue by any stretch of the imagination but Morales knew him fairly well and it had hit him hard, not least how helpless he felt in those minutes that followed Sharon taking down Dwight, a trained Doctor in attendance (and he was only there in the first place because he wanted to see Dwight be sent down in person, his testimony and expertise in court hardly needed given the way he had executed his victims but after performing an autopsy on two small children along with the six adults, he wanted to see it through to its conclusion) and he couldn't save any of Dwight's victims except Joe and even that was still touch and go in his opinion.

After that between trying to move their case forward as quickly as possible given what had happened and Sharon constantly being missing in action because of the FID investigation and then her meeting with those from Behavioural Sciences there was very little time for him to check on her. However aside from not having the time to tend to her in the way he wanted to, he knew she wouldn't want that anyway, work was what was most important, not her. Unravelling the conspiracy and getting the monsters behind it on death row was what she wanted more than anything, everything else could wait until they were done and that included seeking the comfort of Andy's arms even though in truth it was one of the things she desperately needed the most to enable her to function properly at work. Not one of them expected to go home that first night even if they wanted to so no fuss was made when they went to search everything that belonged to the deceased Deputy Simms instead rather than going home and getting some sleep instead.

With Sharon not likely to be cleared until the following morning at the earliest after she had attended her mandatory Behavioural Sciences interview and therefore unable to go into the field with the rest of the division (not even to search the home of one of their victims) Andy took her into her office by her hand and urged her to go home and get a few hours of sleep while the case was at a standstill, practically begging her at one point but she wouldn't hear of it despite the fact that she would only be twiddling her thumbs as she awaited their return before going to her Behavioural Sciences appointment first thing in the morning. It had been a troublesome issue for them since they first started sharing a bed, what she would do if he was rolled out in the middle of the night when she usually wouldn't attend until much later, usually the following morning in the years before they started dating. At first she stayed awake and waited to be called herself by her second in command but she had been trying of late to stop that especially since Provenza always avoided calling her for as long as possible in the past anyway (telling her to go back to sleep when Jack answered the phone on one night in particular when he needed her to boss around another Lieutenant for him because he could handle the crime scene and the case until a more appropriate hour for example). Now that she was with Andy and he knew better than anyone when she needed the extra sleep more than usual, Provenza left her even longer if they could, Andy hoping that she was asleep while he was at work rather than reading or cleaning (the smell of bleach when he arrived back at the condo usually a dead giveaway as to what she had been getting up to in his absence aside from sleeping). With that in mind Andy knew he'd not be able to get her home that evening but he had to try if for no other reason than to get her to change her clothes without alerting her to the presence of blood spots that he had seen on her jacket but were thankfully well hidden enough and had gone unnoticed. Giving up on getting her home without him but hoping to get her to at least rest a little, Andy made her a cup of tea and found a blanket, encouraging her to rest for a few hours while they were out since there was nothing else for her to do at that hour without the remaining clearances for her to return to active duty and join them. When he left the Murder Room she was lying down on the sofa in her office with the lights off and the blinds closed but he knew she was probably up again and pacing around her office before they'd even climbed in the elevator.

Suddenly Sharon turned around on the spot and looked at him for the first time all evening, instantly meeting his eye. She looked utterly exhausted, physically and emotionally drained even, more tired that he had ever seen her before, just so tired but simply unable to sleep. On top of that her eyes were red and puffy, making it oh so obvious that she'd been crying uncontrollably as she cleaned before he had come out of the bedroom and disturbed her.

"What?! What do you want from me Andy? What?" she cried at him. "What do you want me to say?"

At that moment she wasn't so sure she knew what she wanted from him herself such was the state of her mind much less what Andy currently wanted from her, taking everything out on the one person aside from her children that she loved the most, something he could fully understand and willingly took from her because he knew she wasn't herself, perfectly happy to be her punching bag. Once upon a time he had taken his bad mood and depression out on her following his surgery and now here he was happily returning the favour. It was just what happened in a long term relationship and he understood that, taking it all on the chin without a second thought. From Sharon's point of view she thought if she could only be left alone she could keep it all together and make it to the morning to start all over again but not with Andy there, not with him asking questions and wanting to take care of her, wanting to hold her and to comfort her. She knew he only wanted to help her because he loved her but she had zero chance of being able to keep it all together if he did that and at that point she desperately wanted to keep it together no matter what with it all to do again in the morning. She was actually desperate to have his arms around her, to try and make it okay but she knew she would fall apart if he did and if she started to cry properly, if she really let go of her emotions and allowed herself to sob openly, she didn't think she'd ever be able to stop again.

"Babe..." he said with his voice filled with emotion as he took a step towards her.

"No!" she stated emphatically as she held her hand up to stop him. "Please Andy don't. I beg you, just don't."

"Okay sure, whatever you want." He sighed again. He thought that he understood where she was coming from, that she didn't want to completely fall apart in his arms but to him it was taking independence and not needing anyone to a whole new level. "But if you won't let me hug you I need you to start by telling me how you're feeling right now." He paused as he waited to see if she was going to reply but instead she just stared right through him, not having the words he needed. "What you're thinking? What's going on in your head? Why you can't sleep? Why you're cleaning the stove at stupid o'clock in the morning rather than being in bed with me? I just want you to talk to me babe. That's all." He shrugged again, not asking for the moon from her but it was clear that it was more than she currently had to offer him such was the state of her mind. He knew the answers to all of his questions or at least he thought he did for the most part. He had been worried about her mentally and emotionally from the moment it happened and if anything it had only grown ever since. His fears increased dramatically when Provenza had a quiet word in his ear, not helping matters at all but feeling the need to tell him what Sharon had said about Dwight when he informed her that he had died on the table but once again if there was one thing he had learned about the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with it was that you couldn't chase her to open up, that would only make her clam up more, the obvious exception to that rule being when she was discovered cleaning the kitchen in the wee small hours of the morning with tears streaking down her cheeks because that was something that he couldn't allow her to work out for herself.

Sharon covered her face with her hands and let out a long, loud sob, that only brought on more after she'd let the first one out, the dam very close to breaking into a million pieces. She was feeling so many things all at once that she could hardly begin to comprehend them much less explain them all to Andy so that he could understand, her mind out of control like a swirling tornado. Firstly she was feeling grief for all of those involved in that courtroom, not least for Chief Taylor and his family. Then there was the guilt that she wasn't able to stop it from happening in the first place since she was not only sitting in that courtroom but she was also armed which only made her all the more angry that she had allowed it to happen. Then there was the soul destroying guilt that she felt in the pit of her stomach because she was so unbelievably relieved and grateful that it was Taylor and not Andy who had died that day. On top of that there was guilt that she killed someone and she simply didn't care about it or him because he deserved it. As the day wore on her guilt in the face of Wildred Darnell as a Mother was also added to the mix given that she couldn't even feel the slightest bit sorry for her, for taking the life of her only son. And last but certainly not least the complete loss of who she was as a person and as a police officer and as a Catholic as a result of everything.

Sharon loved her job and the justice system as a whole, playing her small part in it gave her a purpose in her life as well as a sense of pride but she was not judge, jury and executioner. The suspect, their lawyer and the DDA all played their part in the system when they made a deal except in the case of Dwight Darnell. In that instance she was forced into being the judge and the jury and end his life on the spot and it simply didn't sit well with her despite being given zero choice in the matter. Moreover it made her distraught that she had basically overridden the justice system and as if to add insult to injury she didn't feel even the smallest amount of guilt about what she had been forced to do either which only served to make her feel all the more guilty because of her complete lack of guilt. But getting Andy to understand that, getting him to understand how she felt about Dwight and her sense of distress for her lack of guilt in particular when she knew he would just shrug, call him a 'dirt bag' like usual and not think she should lose a second of sleep over him was a different thing entirely.

At the sound of Sharon's first sob Andy closed the gap between them as quickly as his feet could carry him but she instantly stopped him, smacking his hands away from her as he tried to touch her, finally turning her back on him. "No. Don't" she begged him as she held her hands into the air defensively. "Please Andy. Just don't. Don't touch me."

He understood immediately but that didn't mean he was going to stop trying to comfort her when it was so obvious that regardless of what she said she did need him, it was just going to take him slightly longer than usual. She wasn't being mean to him and he knew that but registered that she was barely clinging on, hanging on by a thread. She wanted to keep it all bottled up rather than letting it out and although he didn't like it he had to accept it and respect her wishes which he intended to do for as long as he could. In truth she had almost fallen apart in bed when he wrapped his arms around her and whispered reassuring words and declarations of love into her ear but she had managed to hold on, more by luck than judgement. She wanted him to hold her right there and then too but she also wanted to keep her emotions in check and she knew that simply wouldn't happen if he held her. She knew such actions would only end in tears. She wanted him to hold her desperately, to cling to him so he could help sooth it all away with his warm embrace and his whispered words of comfort but she also wanted to keep her composure and that was never going to happen if he so much as laid a single finger on her since she was feeling that fragile as they stood in the kitchen.

It had been a constant battle over the previous thirty six hours to keep her emotions under wraps. Sharon's interview with FID was only about four minutes old when one of her former colleagues noted a little reluctantly that she had a few spots of blood on her face, just below her hairline. Sharon excused herself immediately and went to the bathroom, falling apart the moment she was alone to the point where she could barely breathe the second she saw the blood on her face. Dwight's blood? Taylor's blood? It didn't really matter. She sobbed as she frantically scrubbed it from her face. Thankfully her former colleagues knew her and knew what she had been through and gladly gave her a moment, Sharon returning five minutes later as if nothing had happened, free from the blood and holding herself together as best she could in the circumstances. Her walls had crumbled slightly again when she came face to face with Wildred Darnell, in that moment unable to not feel sorry for a woman who was grieving the loss of her only child because of her actions but it didn't last long. Her distress was immediately replaced with suspicion when it was something that should have made her feel a lot more guilty than she did but she simply couldn't because of who Dwight was and what he had done and that only made her feel worse about the situation, unable to stop herself from wondering if Wildred had done something which lead them to that point. Later, finally at home and in private the tears started to fall freely despite the way she tried to stop them as she frantically cleaned but she still had some small element of control over them, muttering 'Stop it! Stop it!' to herself as she willed herself to pull it together.

Andy laying even a finger on her would make that final wall crumble and if she allowed that to happen she wasn't sure she would ever be able to stop crying ever again. It was the main reason why she didn't want to talk about it with him even though she knew full well that would bother him because in the past she had constantly kept Andy at arm's length on many occasions in their relationship, not telling him about her NFL job offer until it reached the point where he was compelled to ask her what was wrong and get her to talk to him as he worried himself to death about her and her health for example. She had promised him she would stop doing that, that they were a couple, partners in life and telling him what was on her mind and truly sharing her life with him at all times was far better than bottling it all up even though she found it difficult at times, not having been part of a relationship like that for a very long time. And yet despite her promises to him, her promises to always tell him what was going through her mind she was doing it again. There had been plenty of time from when they left PAB to tell him how she was feeling but instead she pushed him away, doing it once again and adding a little extra guilt to the mix.

Sharon took another deep and ragged breath as she moved her hands from her face and turned back around to look at him, tears running down her cheeks and breaking his heart into a million tiny pieces not just because she was falling apart in front of his eyes but he was currently unable to do anything about it. "Andy you wouldn't understand even if I told you" she told him with a sigh.

"Try me." He opened his arms wide and smiled at her. "Hey I'm not just a pretty face you know."

She didn't laugh, she didn't even smile, sighing instead. Her sense of guilt over not being able to stop it from happening and feeling relieved that it was Taylor who died instead of Andy was something he would easily understand and probably felt too, feelings that were perfectly natural and would work themselves out on their own eventually. Her guilt over her lack of guilt for killing Dwight however was something he just wouldn't understand but she acknowledged she had to tell him anyway if for no other reason than they had no secrets from each other or at least that was the aim, ripping off the Band-Aid and getting it over and done with as quickly as possible. "I'm feeling guilty okay? I'm feeling guilty" she told him with more than a hint of annoyance, sighing afterwards and yet not feeling any better for her confession.

Andy frowned at her in response. "Guilty? Why? What for?"

There were many things she felt guilty about, not least her relief that Taylor had died rather than the man standing in front of her but the one at the top of the list was clear and it was the one he wouldn't understand and she knew it. "For shooting Dwight" she replied simply with a shrug before she wiped her face as the tears continued to fall.

"You're feeling guilty for shooting Dwight? That dirt bag? Why would you…"

Sharon grabbed her cloth again as she cut him off, throwing her arms into the air out of sheer frustration, Andy reacting the way she knew he would. "See I told you, I knew you just wouldn't understand." She turned her attention to the stove and started to scrub it clean as she said "Forget it. Go back to bed."

"Hold on a second. Don't give up, explain it to me." Andy paused for a second as he waited for an explanation or at least for her to elaborate a little more so he could try to understand but she didn't reply, not even turning around to look at him again. He sighed, Andy feeling as equally frustrated with her as she was with him. "Look Sharon you had to shoot that asshole. You had to. He left you with no other choice" he told her categorically and not seeing any grey area to what had happened. "There was still one more bullet left in that clip. If you hadn't taken him down when you did he could have killed someone else. He could have shot you next or me or Sykes or Judge Richwood or any number of innocent people that just happened to be in that courtroom on Friday."

She stopped scrubbing and sighed, her hands either side of the stove as she hung her head. "I know that Andy but that's not the problem."

"Then what is?" He paused again as he waited for an answer but once more none was forthcoming. "Tell me" he begged before he paused again. "Seriously Sharon you shouldn't be losing even a minutes worth of sleep over that guy, he's just not worth it."

Sharon turned to face him, trying her hardest to smile. "Oh Andy my darling boy," she said as her hand moved to cover her heart so he knew she meant everything she was saying to him, "please believe me when I tell you that I love you so much, more than anyone else in this entire world but that's where we are so different."

"Okay" he replied before he shrugged. "So what? Explain it to me." He paused again but he still didn't get an answer. "He was on trial for murdering eight people, two of them kids under ten and that's without the four he killed yesterday. He said on Friday during his trial that it wasn't homicide because they weren't human. Despite all of that you feel sorry for him?" He shook his head, really not understanding how anyone could feel sorry for a guy like that under any circumstances. "Is this some sort of Catholic guilt at taking the life of some asshole? Thou shalt not kill bull shit?"

"No and that's the whole problem."

"You're a cop. It's a part of the job. We've all done it. Some of us more than once."

"I know and I understand that but I took a life on Friday Andy," she said as she finally took a step closer to him while she sought to explain, "a human life and if I could go back in time I would do the exact same thing all over again without even a moment of hesitation."

Andy shrugged, still not seeing the problem. "So?"

"So I took a life on Friday and I don't feel bad about it." She shrugged with frustration, on the point of screaming because of it. "At all. There's just no guilt there. Anywhere." She pulled at Andy's dress shirt that hung loosely on her small frame as if her guilt was hidden in the breast pocket. "None. I don't feel bad about it." She shrugged again, frankly alarmed by her complete lack of compassion towards Dwight and Wildred especially when she had only said to Andy the week before than despite her ever growing reluctance to have to spend any time in Dwight's company following his outburst in court as they discussed what had been found in Henry Colson's house with Judge Richwood ,she couldn't allow herself to see him as a monster because that wouldn't help her to understand him and people like him and she desperately needed to understand them if she was ever going to bring them down. It was just the way she did her job, getting into the mind of those sitting across the table from her in the Interview Room in order to understand them and ultimately convict them. The whole situation was made so much worse by seeing members of her division suffer after being forced into taking a life over the years, therapy a must for them in the weeks and even months that followed as they felt a lot of regret and trauma over what they had been forced into doing but she really didn't think she needed to speak to anyone because she didn't care about what she'd done, a fact that, if she had been thinking even slightly clearly, would have made her realise that she needed the help all the more because of it.

"Well there shouldn't be, you shouldn't feel guilty for killing that guy" Andy again told her, unable to understand what she was feeling and therefore missing the point completely.

"But I should, don't you see? I know you wouldn't but I should and I just can't," she turned back towards the stove again to resume her scrubbing, "I knew you wouldn't understand. I knew it. Just go back to bed and forget all about it. I'm fine. Go to sleep."

Andy stared at her with a frown, baffled and in truth more than a little offended and hurt by the implication that accompanied her words. "I wouldn't but you should?" he repeated with a scowl. "What are you trying to say? That I'm heartless? That I have no emotions?"

She turned to face him again, remorse clearly written all over her face since that wasn't what she was trying to say to him at all and she was beyond mortified that he would think she was. "No Andy. No of course not. That's not it at all. You're not listening to what I'm saying to you." She sighed again as she looked at her feet, thinking of the right words to use. Finally she met his eyes again. "You see everything as so black and white and I don't. I just don't. I've never seen these people, these murderers as just 'dirt bags' and monsters and just written them off as people regardless of what they've done in the past because if I do that then I can't understand them, I can't convict them" she explained. "I know you do and that's fine and that's how you've always approached work because that works for you and I fully understand that and likewise I know you're not interested in all the blah blah blah or whatever it was you said to Rusty about Slider."

Although he didn't remember the conversation she was referring to he knew roughly what she was talking about. He had never ever been interested in the past lives of the people he arrested because it simply didn't matter to him. A murderer was a murderer plain and simple and it didn't matter what had happened in their lives that had led them to that point because at the end of the day it was still a conscious choice to kill, they didn't have to but they chose to do it. Part of his thinking was because of his own upbringing and his frankly incredibly traumatic childhood. He had heard so many murderers over the years blaming rotten childhoods (some nowhere near as bad as his was by the way) as the reason why they did what they did but he never bought it. He was the youngest of a huge brood, a family with no money, crime rife amongst them all to make ends meet and added to that he was physically abused both at home and at school and yet he became a Detective in the most elite division in the country rather than a murderer so he just didn't buy a traumatic childhood as an excuse for doing terrible things as an adult. A crappy upbringing certainly didn't help people but it also didn't make them turn into killers either, that was their choice and they had to take responsibility for it because no one forced them into it. In truth when Andy casually told Rusty during Provenza's bachelor party that his Dad used to hit him when he'd been drinking as a way to let him know that they had a lot more in common than he first thought from the outset, their relationship not quite as solid as it was eight months later, it had occurred to the young man that Andy would make a very good subject for his next vlog story, a terrible childhood resulting in a complete different result to what had happened to Slider but he knew Andy would never go for it and he was never going to ask.

"I'm not calling you heartless and I'm not calling you cynical about it either I promise you Andy," she told him sincerely with her hand across her heart once again, "but I should feel bad about this because unlike you I refuse to see these people as monsters. I should feel bad about it. I took a man's life yesterday but there's not a single part of me that feels any sort of remorse for his soul whatsoever and if I can't feel bad about killing a man, even a man who deserved it then I just…" she paused as the emotion got the better of her, "I just don't know who I am anymore."

Andy was at a loss for words for a moment as he quickly began to realise that she was far worse off mentally and emotionally than he first feared. Yes he didn't really understand why she thought she should feel guilty about putting Dwight down but that didn't matter, if that was how she felt or rather worried because she didn't then it was something he needed to help her with regardless of what he felt about it but how he was going to do that he had no idea especially since he was even struggling to come to terms with the concept. "Sharon that guy got exactly…"

She held up her hands before she spoke as an attempt to stop him. "Look we're just going around and around here and it's not getting us anywhere. Can we please just drop it? I don't want to talk about it anymore okay?" Andy nodded and she could see he was about to reply but got in first again. "Andy I love you dearly but I really don't need you right now," she lied not at all convincingly, needing him more than ever in fact, "I need to be left alone so go back to bed please. I'm fine."

"Sharon I can't leave you like this."

"Yes you can and I'm not asking you to Andy, I'm telling you to. Go back to bed."

He smiled as he pointed a finger at her, deliberately choosing to take her words the wrong way in an attempt to lighten the mood. "Hey Raydor, I might be very good at taking direct orders from my girlfriend at work but don't try giving me an order in my own home because that is not going to fly" he joked.

Sharon sighed. "I wasn't giving you an order. I was..." She sighed again as she realised that he was only joking. "Oh Andy I'm really not in the mood for jokes. I just need five minutes to myself, alone, and I appreciate what you're trying to do here I really do but right now you're starting to irritate the crap out of me."

She dropped her cleaning cloth into the sink and marched straight past Andy, giving him an extremely wide birth to make sure he didn't touch her, hardly holding onto her emotions as it was by that point and knowing she would completely fall apart if he touched her. Aside from that she knew that all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and try to make her feel better, to console her but the problem was, with not feeling any guilt or remorse whatsoever over what she had been forced to do in that courtroom she simply didn't think that she deserved it. She didn't deserve someone like Andy who loved her with all his heart, who loved her unconditionally to comfort her and make it all better. With a sigh she walked straight to the balcony and opened the door, stepping outside and closing it behind her.

Andy stared after her at a complete loss as to what to do for the best to help her but he was absolutely not going to leave her alone and in such a state no matter what she said (or more likely screamed) to him and how much she pleaded. He slowly walked towards the balcony door and opened it as quietly as he could before stepping out next to her as she looked at the lights on the horizon. There was a slight chill to the breeze and he saw her shudder but had no idea if the cause was the cold or what was going on inside her head. He wanted to touch her, hug her and never let go again but he could see she still didn't want him to do that just yet and the last thing he wanted to do was upset her even more.

He stood quietly next to her for a couple of minutes, the local wildlife and the odd blast of a horn from an irate driver in the distance filling the silence. He allowed a fairly large gap to form between them, not wanting to crowd her before he finally felt compelled to speak. "Did you just say 'crap'?" he asked. He couldn't help but laugh a little despite it being the last thing in the world he wanted to do, hoping she would too to at least attempt to break the tension that had settled between them. In recent years Sharon cursed so infrequently that when she did it was almost jarring to all those that knew her well. When the odd word did inevitably slip out (usually when she was beyond irritated and frustrated with a suspect or of late with Andy) more often than not Andy would react like all the other race goers at Ascot when Eliza Doolittle suddenly screamed 'Move your bloomin' arses!' in My Fair Lady only he made more of a big deal about it.

Sharon sighed as she put her elbows on the railing of the balcony and put her head in her hands. "Don't joke with me Andy please, I'm really not in the mood" she pleaded.

"Clearly if you're bringing 'crap' into the discussion. Wait until I tell Provenza. He's not going to believe his ears. That goody goody reputation you have at work is going to go right out of the window." He waited with baited breath for some sort of reaction, a smile, a chuckle, a sigh, anything at all but he didn't get one. He was going about it all wrong and he knew it. He was chasing her and that was the worst thing he could do under the circumstances but he just couldn't help himself. It was like that mortifying moment in Electronics in front of everyone when he just couldn't stop his mouth from running off about the buoyancy levels of different implants, unable to shut himself up even though he knew he was quickly digging himself into an even bigger hole with the woman he loved and was going to end up in the dog house as a result if he wasn't careful.

He moved slowly to place a hand on her shoulder, the first step towards wrapping his arms around her and making it abundantly clear that she could just let go of everything she was bottling up. Sadly she instantly took a step further away from him before he could even lay so much as a finger on her. He understood why she'd done it but that didn't stop his fingers from almost itching to come into contact with her skin. His hand dangled in what was almost no man's land for a moment much like he had seen Sharon do with Rusty in those first few awkward and fractious months when he first came into her life, desperate to offer affection but not knowing if it would be welcomed.

"I mean if you still have a reputation to begin with since you know, you've let someone like me move in with you" he joked again, the smile on his face hiding the deep levels of concern he was actually feeling. "What would your old pals in Professional Standards think about it?"

"I really don't care what they'd think about anything" she replied as her eyes returned to the horizon, focusing on one spot in the distance.

He laughed awkwardly, unable to stop himself. "Can I have that written on paper please?" He laughed again before he closed his eyes and willed himself to shut the hell up while giving her the time and space to come to him when she was ready but he just couldn't. As with a lot of things that had come to pass in his life, things were going to get far worse before they could get better and they were going to get much worse unless he could find a way to shut himself up. "That's something else to tell Provenza." Sharon sighed loudly and he knew it was a sign that she wanted just a couple of minutes of silence but it was like he no longer had control of his brain or his mouth anymore. "Though I'm not sure that he'll believe me." He laughed again before he glanced to the heavens and tried to will himself into being quiet but he just couldn't. "I always knew I'd corrupt you in the end. It was inevitable" he added with another nervous laugh. "I'm not sure what your Grandmother would say about this sort of language. I know I'd undoubtedly get the blame for it. A divorced, alcoholic Catholic leading her little girl astray." He laughed again even as he cringed. "Although personally I think that just makes me sound like an awful lot of fun. But that's just me. Maybe I'm a little biased or I just like leading you astray. Not that I'm the only one. I think it's fair to say that you've corrupted me a little over the last couple of years too. I can't remember the last time I got into any trouble with Provenza. Well…except for his bachelor party of course but that wasn't my fault. Okay it wasn't entirely my fault and a little trouble was only to be expected. At least it wasn't the night before his wedding" he laughed again and suddenly realised he no longer had any control over what was coming out of his mouth. "I don't think any of us would have looked good in the wedding photos. But then if I'm honest Provenza has never looked good in any of his wedding photos anyway. He always has a look of fear in his eyes, like a deer caught in a set of headlights. Actually, the fourth time he was more like…"

"For God's sake Andy!" Sharon suddenly shouted, her voice loud enough to wake the whole building. "Can you please just be quiet for five seconds?! You're driving me insane!" As quick as a flash she pushed past him, opened the balcony door and stepped inside before closing and locking it behind her, therefore locking Andy out on the balcony too. Without casting a glance behind her she walked straight back to the kitchen and resumed her cleaning.

Andy watched her through the glass for a couple of minutes, determined not to leave her alone no matter how many times she asked him to since he didn't think that was the answer to helping her successfully battle the demons waging war inside her head. He went to open the door before he realised that she'd locked it and he was locked outside. He looked to the heavens and sighed. "Shit!" he cried with exasperation but quiet enough to ensure she didn't hear him. Well at least he wasn't naked that time he thought to himself as he gently knocked on the glass. "Sharon? Sharon can you let me in please?"

She didn't turn to face him but he knew she'd heard him long before she replied. "If you promise to go back to bed and leave me alone, sure."

"I can't do that babe" he told her simply. He looked towards the bedrooms, with how loud Sharon had to raise her voice so that he could hear her there was no way Rusty wasn't going to come out and start to investigate what was going on soon, giving him a way back inside at least even though he'd rather the young man not see Sharon like that and end up giving him more cause for concern.

"Then I can't let you in. I'm sorry" she told him.

"Sharon? Come on Sharon please. We need to talk about this."

"No we really don't."

"Sharon? Please!" She continued to scrub and he realised that it was getting him nowhere, only pissing her off even more and since she was clearly so upset that wasn't going to help her or help him get back inside. His only option was to wait until she calmed down a little or hope that Rusty had heard the commotion and would be out soon. He leant back against the railing, his hands coming around to rub his arms, a chill to the breeze but it was very early in the morning and they were up fairly high. He looked down at his legs and wished he'd put his pyjama bottoms on when he came to find her like Rusty frequently begged him to do. He looked back up at Sharon, not wanting to take his eyes off her since it was the only option left open to him, monitoring her from a distance. She stopped scrubbing and poured herself another glass of wine, drinking it in one before going back to cleaning, not looking at him at all from his view as she moved.

Suddenly Rusty walked into the living room, rubbing his sleepy eyes as Andy moved back to the door, hoping to get his attention without knocking. Rusty looked at Sharon confused, all of his focus on her which meant he didn't immediately see Andy. He looked at her puzzled despite his sleep addled brain messing with his senses because although he wasn't sure entirely what was going on when raised voices woke him from his slumber, his Mom frantically scrubbing the kitchen in one of Andy's shirts was the last thing he expected to see when he walked into the living room, in fact Lieutenant Provenza sitting on the table and covered in marshmallow fluff would frankly have been less surprising.

"Mom? What's going on?" Rusty asked as he blinked against the brightness of the lights.

"I'm sorry Rusty" she said after initially jumping at the sound of his voice just like she had done with Andy. As she continued she didn't turn around to face him while she kept on cleaning, repeating how she had first welcomed Andy's appearance ten minutes earlier. "I can't sleep so I thought I'd do a little light housework." She instantly laughed but it was easy for him to tell that it was fake. "I guess I was scrubbing a little too loudly."

Rusty noticed immediately that she didn't turn to look at him (aside from how cleaning at that ungodly hour was not normal for her even when she'd had a rough couple of days and no sleep the night before) and that her voice was shaky. It wasn't hard for him to work out why either. He'd never seen her like that before and as he stood staring at the back of her head with wide eyed concern all he could think about was what Lieutenant Provenza had told him the day before about him needing to be a 'source of strength' for her after what she had done, something he realised she desperately needed when he spoke to her and barely recognised the hard woman in her office who was now his Mother.

"Oh okay" he said cautiously before he paused. "Where's Andy? I thought I heard you two arguing." No sooner had he asked the question then Andy tapped on the window to get his attention. Rusty turned and looked at him with surprise, almost jumping when he saw him, that also not what he was expecting to see when he walked out of his bedroom. "Andy? What are you doing out there?" Andy waved him towards him, Rusty obediently walking over to the balcony doors as Sharon continued to scrub, looking back at her completely baffled. "What's going on?"

"Can you open the door please? It's locked" Andy said as quietly as possible to ensure that Sharon didn't hear even though he knew she was aware of what was happening behind her back. Rusty just froze for a moment like he'd just seen Medusa and been turned into stone before he turned around to look at Sharon still frantically scrubbing away and quickly pieced together what had obviously happened, his Mom had locked her boyfriend out on the balcony in the middle of the night. He looked back at Andy on the other side of the glass with even more concern and saw his expression mirrored on his face. In the time that they had been dating he had never even heard a crossed word between them (becoming more aware over the last couple of months when she was perhaps giving him the silent treatment for a few hours but they certainly never argued, not like his other Mom and her various boyfriends used to, at least not to his knowledge anyway) but he had definitely been woken by loud and angry sounding voices and now Andy was locked outside and asking to be let back in. Six months earlier and maybe Rusty would have thought that she had caught him with another woman maybe, keenly aware of his reputation on the LAPD grapevine just from travelling up and down in the elevator but he knew it was over the shooting, it had to be.

Rusty unlocked and opened the door before Andy stepped inside and closed it door behind him. "Thanks kid" he said with a gentle pat on his back while his eyes focused on Sharon.

"What..." Rusty went to reply, wanting to know what the hell had gone on.

"Go back to bed. I got this" Andy assured him.

"But..."

"I can handle this" he told him with a smile.

"I don't need handling from either of you" Sharon cut in, her back still to both of them as she bordered on pulling a muscle from her frantic cleaning. "I need you both to go back to bed and just leave me alone please. If you want to help me, try doing it by going back to bed."

Rusty looked to Andy more than a little upset and utterly horrified, never having ever seen Sharon like that or having heard her speak to Andy in such a way either, a real harsh bite to her tone. "Rusty, I'll take care of her. I promise" Andy told him with one hand across his heart and the other on Rusty's arm. "Go and get some sleep." He patted him on the back before adding "Go on. I got this" and smiling as if to prove his point.

"Okay." Rusty nodded and started to walk back to his room before stopping on the edge of the hallway. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight" Sharon replied, the cheer in her voice fooling no one.

Rusty turned to look at Sharon before his eyes went back to Andy. In response Andy nodded at him and waved for him to go back to bed and try to get some rest, smiling at him warmly and giving him some reassurance that he was going to take care of everything…unless he got locked out on the balcony again although it was unlikely that he would fall for the same trick twice. Rusty nodded and headed back to his bedroom with Andy waiting until he heard his door close before he moved. He didn't say a word as he walked to the dining table and sat on the corner closest to the kitchen, perched on the edge and just watching her. He folded his arms and waited, choosing to give her the time, space and silence that she so clearly wanted but he was going nowhere without her. No matter what she said or pleaded even he was not prepared to leave her alone when she was quite clearly struggling more than he was and he had been battling demons of his own about everything that had happened as well without his concerns for her too.

Minutes passed by in complete silence as her anger and annoyance with him started to slowly dissipate but her other emotions remained. At least ten minutes later he ran his hands through his hair before rubbing his face and sighed. "Oh boy. I really want a drink" he admitted and for the first time since they'd started to get closer after Nicole's weddings he confessed that he was tempted by alcohol again.

Sharon stopped scrubbing immediately, this confession from Andy making her look like a deer caught in headlights as she turned to face him completely stunned. She had been so consumed with the battle going on inside her own head that she had selfishly neglected Andy and how he was coping with it all, especially since Andy and Taylor were once very good friends if not best friends prior to the Croelick incident driving a thick wedge between them. Andy had never admitted to wanting a drink to her before, not even after his surgery to remove his blood clot when he was feeling more than a little depressed about pretty much every aspect of his life, even his relationship with her because he saw himself as a burden and an anchor around her neck. It was something that Sharon had battled long and hard to get him to talk to her about, to make him open up more about his alcoholism but he had so far been reluctant to do so and claiming that both she and Rusty had 'dealt with enough of that crap' in their lives without him dumping it on them too and preferring to deal with it alone. That was until that very moment in the living room, it hitting her like a truck and snatching the breath from her for a moment. Rightly or wrongly because he always kept that part of him to himself and never seemed to have any issues or at least from what she had seen anyway, she hadn't thought it was going to be a problem and was therefore even more mortified that it had completely escaped her notice.

"What?" she almost squeaked out, suddenly as quiet as a church mouse.

"A drink" Andy repeated. "I really want a big bottle of scotch right about now. About that big" he said as he held his hands in the air to indicate the size of the bottle he wanted and it was a very big bottle indeed. "I can almost taste it." He shrugged casually at the shocked expression coming back at him. "You wanted me to talk more openly about these things with you, so there you go. I really want a drink right now" he said, shrugging again.

Sharon immediately dropped her cleaning cloth and dried her hands before she walked over to him as he remained perched on the corner of the table, staying put rather than moving to meet her and risking the chance of her recoiling away from him again. She stood in front of him but still kept her distance, still not sure that she could allow him to touch her without completely falling apart and sobbing for hours, something she wanted to do less than ever following Andy's revelation with her attention turning to him and trying to take care of him when it appeared he was clearly struggling as much as she was but also handling it a lot better than she had been. If she was honest she was a little relieved to suddenly have him to focus on and distract her away from her own struggles and demons.

"Then why didn't you go to an AA meeting tonight if you felt that way?" she asked him.

Andy shrugged casually. "You're why" he said simply. It wasn't a lie and he hadn't told her to get her to come to him and stop cleaning, lying and using it as a ploy to manipulate her due to her concern for him and the situation (although it was a delightful bonus in his eyes that it had that effect too), that being a line he would never cross even if it was to help her. He'd said it to her because it was the truth and they had no secrets from each other or at least that's what they aimed for between them. In reality it was late when they left work and he could probably have found a meeting somewhere in the city or gone for a chat and a coffee with his sponsor if he wanted to but Sharon needed him more and in that moment he needed her too, thinking that getting some rest with Sharon in his arms would help him a lot more than anything else.

"Andy" was the only word she could utter in response as she wiped more tears from her eyes with the back of her hand, tears that were now falling freely and she had no control over. She felt awful, truly awful. With all of the emotions and dark thoughts going on inside of her head since they arrived home, her demons keeping her awake and shouting down the better angels in her mind she had to her eternal shame regrettably not thought about Andy at all, not even once as he seemed to be coping just fine with what had happened. However right then, in that moment, regardless of how well Andy appeared to be doing on the surface on it, she realised that her assumption he was okay was completely unacceptable.

Andy slowly reached forward and took her hand in his, pulling her towards him before she had chance to stop him or move away. She finally stood directly in front of him for the first time, likewise it was the first time she had allowed him to touch her since he got up. He didn't push it, he didn't wrap his arms around her even though he so desperately wanted to because he knew she wasn't ready for it yet. Baby steps, that's what he needed and taking her hand was the first step towards trying to help her and ease her mind and despite not really coming to terms with how she felt he wanted her to know that he was there for her regardless and would always listen even if he didn't quite understand. Sharon relaxed at his touch almost instantly, Andy able to feel it in his hand on top of how she visibly changed in front of him but she had no idea that she had been that tense since the moment she got up and began cleaning. Her shoulders relaxed a little more as a shaky breath slipped from her lips despite her best efforts to contain it.

"Sharon I needed to be here with you tonight instead" he explained as he linked their fingers together to hold her hand even tighter should she attempt to wriggle away from him. "With the kid. I needed to be here for both of you."

She sighed with frustration once again but this time for very different reasons than she had in the moments since he woke up as she shook her head at him. It was going to be a battle to not let some of the anger she was feeling about his decision to come out in her voice as she spoke to him because there was simply no denying that she was suddenly very very angry with him at that point, never wanting him to put her before his sobriety, no matter what was happening with her. "But not at the expense of your sobriety! Andy!" She moved to stroke his cheek with her free hand as she teared up even more, her eyes locked on his, upset that he was suffering more than it appeared on the surface and she had been so blind, so caught up with her own issues that she had failed to see it.

He smiled before he took her hand away from his cheek and kissed her palm a couple of times, allowing his lips to linger on her skin before he replied. "It's not at the expense of anything babe, I assure you of that. I promise you" he told her emphatically. He had thought long and hard about it as they left work a few hours earlier, taking the opportunity to drive to and from work together, and he thought that perhaps he needed to take care of himself a little first before he could take care of her but in the end he came to the conclusion that trying to get some sleep with Sharon in his arms was going to be far better for him than a coffee with his sponsor especially when he could give him a call while Sharon was in the shower. It didn't even need to be a quick chat either as it turned out, he had plenty of time since she went straight from the shower to sitting in the bathtub and for once he didn't join her by sitting on the edge to talk to her as she soaked and relaxed. He realised fairly quickly that she wanted some time alone and therefore restricted his time in the bathroom as he opted instead to become her own personal sommelier for the evening.

"But you promised me you were never ever going to do this again, putting me before your sobriety. You promised me that first night you stayed here with me" she reminded him and being clear that she meant the first time he had ever slept in her bed rather than after his accident and subsequent stay in 'Hotel Rusty Beck' down the hall where disgruntled notes about shedding in the bathtub were left on his pillow rather than a chocolate and a full turndown service.

At the time, some nine months earlier, he was supposed to be going to AA for not only a meeting (which was long overdue and badly needed too after dealing with the death of a child at work that week which always took a huge toll on him) but also for a little celebration as he got his twenty year chip. However those plans soon went out of the window because Sharon had experienced a rough couple of days too, the Kayla Weber case coming on top of how emotionally drained she had been just three weeks after his surgery as well as dealing with Rusty being upset over Bobby Monroe calling him as a witness for Slider during the penalty phase. Sharon like the rest of the division always suffered more when they dealt with the death of a child (that not being something that Sharon had encountered at all while she worked for Professional Standards) but she was firmly of the opinion that it was all her fault that it turned out the way it had because she had sent the Webers home the night before, feeling responsible for the murder as if she should have known what was going to happen if Jim worked out how and why his baby girl had died and therefore should have found a way to keep them at PAB to prevent it from happening.

Sharon had been overly distressed about it all day from the moment Provenza called her from the Weber's house to tell her what had happened (at that point in their relationship Andy still not having the experience or the bravery to know when he could wrap his arms around her to comfort her and when he couldn't while at work) and everyone clearly saw it with Provenza eventually insisting that Andy get up off his ass and take her home early while everyone else finished up their remaining paperwork. The whole thing only happening because of Provenza's encouragement since he knew at that delicate stage in their relationship Andy wouldn't do it himself without being prompted to since they hadn't slept together or even told each other how they really felt. At the time part of the delay was caused because they were still trying to figure out how to work together and date without one effecting the other and that was without Andy's constant state of nervousness about rushing her and losing what they already had by trying to be 'greedy' as he saw it.

With all of that in mind he felt that Sharon was more important than getting his chip on that particular night. He felt okay enough to delay his meeting by a day or so but regardless of how he felt he was of the opinion that she needed him more than he needed a meeting and he felt better being with her rather than in a church hall with a group of strangers so that was the decision he made (an extremely good one indeed as it turned out because it ended with them both saying 'I love you' for the first time as they drove back to the condo and then later on that evening sleeping together for the first time too, their relationship unexpectedly moving on leaps and bounds in the space of one simple and yet utterly fabulous evening). He had confessed all to her rather quickly after his sponsor called to check on him that evening when he hadn't turned up to get his chip and he'd been far too busy dealing with Sharon to remember to call him any earlier himself. So once he'd explained to Sharon that he was supposed to be getting his chip and the reason why he had opted not to go she had made him promise that he would never do it again. She made him promise that regardless of what was happening with her, if she was in hospital even, his sobriety always had to come first at her insistence.

However nine months later when they left work it was far too late for him to go to a meeting even though he could probably have used one in truth, and desperately too at that. Likewise he was too exhausted and worried to death about Sharon just like Provenza was to maybe leave work for an hour so even if he could have gone to a meeting he still wouldn't have, not wanting to leave her alone even though she wasn't ready to talk to him about it just yet.

"Yeah I know" he replied with yet another shrug of his shoulders. "But forget how you feel for a moment about all of this and look at it from my perspective. I thought spending time with you and Rusty at home tonight would be much more beneficial to me right now then going to a meeting and you know what, I was right about that. I feel much better here with you." Telling her something like that in the past, something so heartfelt and something that made her soul sing would have had her in his arms like a flash while their lips danced against each other's and she ground her hips against his. On this occasion however it resulted in Sharon immediately pulling her hand away from his before she walked straight back into the kitchen, picking up her wine glass and pouring it down the sink quickly followed by the rest of the bottle. As she dropped the now empty bottle into the trash he sighed, too late to react to stop her. The fact of the matter was she had never really liked drinking alcohol in front of him, not seeing it as fair to do so despite how he had constantly told her it was okay and ordered her a glass of wine at a restaurant anyway for example. "Sharon you don't need to stop drinking that on my account. It's okay. I'm really okay babe I promise." He smiled at her as if to prove his point even though it was far from a beaming and genuine smile. "I'm not going to rip it from your hand and drink it while you climb on my back and try to snatch it from me." He shrugged as he chucked a little but she looked at him less than convinced, not that she was worried he would drink, she was fairly sure that he wouldn't do that even more so after he'd openly admitted how he was feeling but unconvinced that he really felt okay because she didn't and if she didn't then there was no way he was okay. "Look I spoke to my sponsor while you were in the shower and he's dropping by work tomorrow so I'm going to grab a coffee with him over lunch in the Break Room if we have time so it's fine, I'm going to be just fine. You don't need to worry about me."

"That's easier said than done" she replied before she sighed, staring into his big brown eyes as her tears started to fall freely once again, unable to stop them no matter how much she desperately wanted to. "Andy I am so so sorry." She walked back to him, standing directly in front of him again but just out of reach unless he stretched. "I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in...I just didn't think about you and how you're feeling about all of this and that is just completely unacceptable."

"Oh no it isn't." He very slowly and very tentatively took her hand again, once more trying to resist the temptation to wrap his arms around her until she was ready for it and therefore was the one to initiate it herself. "You've got more than enough on your plate at the moment without worrying about me as well."

"I wholeheartedly disagree" she told him, completely rubbishing the notion that she would ever not worry about him, like she had the ability to switch it on and off like a switch. "You my darling boy are exactly who I should be worrying about right now."

Then suddenly and without any warning she wrapped him in a bear hug as he remained sitting on the edge of the table, Andy immediately responding in kind as he pulled her flush against his chest and held her tightly. They both instantly got comfortable for what was sure to be a very prolonged embrace now that Sharon had finally relented and allowed him to not only hold her but comfort her too, both of them needing it more than they realised. They buried their faces into the neck of the other as they clung to each other as if their lives depended on it. The warmth that radiated from Andy along with the smell that was all him was an instant comfort to her while in comparison he started to worry even more about her as she suddenly seemed smaller in his arms somehow, like a piece of her was missing.

They held each other for an age as the dams that had been holding each of them together over the previous thirty six hours broke and the emotion that they were both trying to hold in came rushing to the surface. Sharon started to cry freely the moment she felt his arms run around her, letting it all out as the shoulder of his t-shirt started to get wet quite quickly as a result of her tears. By that point she wasn't trying to hide it from him any longer, she couldn't even if she really wanted to as she sobbed loudly and took one shaky breath after another while she practically shook in his arms. He held onto her even tighter as a result, his heart breaking even more than it had over the previous two days as he watched Taylor die right in front of him and then had to endure seeing Sharon suffer so much as a result.

As Sharon openly and loudly sobbed in Andy's embrace she couldn't help but think of how wonderful it was to be able to let her emotions go with a man and receive comfort from him in return because it had certainly never happened to her before in all of her other previous relationships. It wasn't that she couldn't cry in front of Jack and be comforted by him but rather that he was so utterly useless in those situations and had no ability to comfort her whatsoever, looking beyond uncomfortable if she even shed a single solitary tear in his presence, in that regard Jack having the emotional range of a dead cat. She had once seen a poster that read 'I hate it when people cry in front of me. Like should I pat their head? Should I grab their butt? I don't know.' That was Jack Raydor in a nutshell, he just didn't have a clue how to offer any support in that situation (neither did he when Emily would come to him crying with a scraped knee or a fight with a friend at school) and often fled the scene as quickly as possible to avoid it altogether. Andy on the other hand knew exactly what to do especially with Sharon (with the exception of the tears that fell when he awoke from the aesthesia after his surgery, too tired and disoriented to do much more than try to smile and take her hand), and it was nothing too complicated either, he just needed to hold her tightly and just be there for her when she needed him the most and indeed he had done that many times in the past even before they were dating. The night that Rusty had to move in with Provenza for his own safety Andy came over late when she found herself distraught and alone in the condo because he knew she would be struggling not just because Rusty wasn't there but because she could have so easily lost him earlier in the day. She had barely registered the sight of him with a bag of take out in his hand as she opened the door before she fell into a flood of tears and he wrapped his arms around her, moving her to the couch, never moving her from his embrace until many hours later when she had sufficiently calmed down. A similar thing had happened once Stroh had returned to freedom. They saw each other just as much as they did before his escape but their meals out and trips to the movies were switched to meals and movies at home because Sharon wanted to be as close as possible to Rusty at all times, the first couple of nights ending with her in tears as he allowed her to spill her guts to him and lay out all of her fears about the potential danger Rusty was in. Again he held her as tightly as he dared to his chest given that he was secretly already in love with her, occasionally pushing his lips to the top of her head and telling her that everything was going to be okay and she honestly believed him. With Andy's arms around her he made it seem like everything would turn out okay in the end, he just had that knack, not just making her feel safe and loved but also reassured in a way that she had never felt before. There was nothing that having Andy's arms around her couldn't fix and she practically melted into him, needing him in that moment more than ever despite resisting him for so long.

With Sharon sobbing openly, continuing to break in his arms Andy easily shed some tears himself, not afraid at all to cry in front of her either like a lot of men would. What was the point in hiding it? He was upset for a variety of reasons in truth, not just at seeing Sharon in so much pain and being unable to reach her and help her for so long but then there was also obviously Taylor's death too. They had grown apart over the years, Taylor's betrayal as Andy saw it over Bill Croelick the straw that broke the camel's back and the beginning of the end as far as their friendship was concerned. But none of that mattered, it had still hit him hard, feeling so helpless, being unable to stop it as he watched him die. It was something he was going to replay in his mind over and over again for the rest of his life.

Eventually, after about ten minutes or so Sharon started to settle down a little and began to sniff away her tears while she continued to cling to him for dear life with some very long and shaky breaths escaping her lips rather than the previously distraught sobs as she very slowly started to calm down. Andy's composure also began to return, helped by Sharon's calmness beginning to come back to her but his sighs continued to be laden with high levels of grief and emotion. They continued to hold each other for at least half an hour without either of them speaking, not utterly a single word and just savouring the comfort and the reassurance that they found in each other's arms.

As Andy began to fully regain his composure he kissed the side of her head a couple of times as his hands started to go up and down her back rather than just holding her tightly in his loving embrace, a sign that he was beginning to wake from his slumber. Finally he blew a raspberry on the side of her neck as he always did to try to bring a smile to her face. "You know Raydor," he said eventually to break quite possibly the longest silence that had ever settled between them without one of them being asleep, "this is the longest you've ever had your arms wrapped around me without grabbing my ass at least once."

She managed a very small and quiet chuckle into his neck before telling him "You're sitting down." Her hands briefly moved south as she proved her point that she couldn't grab his ass with the way he was sitting on the corner of the table like she usually did before she moved them up his back again. Needing to find a new home for her hands she opted to fist his t-shirt instead as she continued to cling to him and letting him know that she didn't want to move and probably wouldn't for a very long time.

"Ah! Well that explains it" he replied with a little laugh.

They fell silent again as they continued to hold each other for what seemed like an eternity. Each breath, each sigh was still laden with grief but also with a sense of relief as they clung to each other. It wasn't just that they were grieving, it was that they were so relieved that they still had each other to be able to hold them like they were unlike poor Lydia Taylor across town. The most frightening part of it all was that it was more by luck than judgement that they were both still alive to be able to comfort each other like they were to begin with and it was a thought that they were both all to keenly aware of. There was a very real chance that on another day one or maybe even both of them could have died in that courtroom, if they'd sat elsewhere, if they'd just done this or done that differently, if anyone of the dozens of innocent bystanders had run in the opposite direction even things might have turned out so differently and they both knew it. Andy had switched seats from his position next to Sharon and sat next to Amy when Taylor came in so he could talk to Sharon like he had on every other day that week. During the previous four days they had sat together the three of them with Andy always on the aisle so that he could leave quickly without causing a disruption if they were suddenly rolled out. But Taylor was late on Friday after a meeting with Chief Pope ran over and that made all the difference in the world to what happened that day. The seat on Sharon's right hand side had already been taken when they arrived so Andy moved and offered Taylor his seat. Andy had been sitting right there less than ten minutes earlier. It could have been him, it could so easily have been Andy who had tried to stop Dwight first only to be impeded by a member of the gallery running towards him and knocking him and his aim off balance just long enough for Dwight to turn around and return fire, killing him almost instantly. It could so easily have been Andy lying in the morgue right then as she clung to him rather than Chief Taylor and it was a thought that was haunting her along with the relief and then guilt that it wasn't. She didn't know it yet but Andy felt the exact same way, thinking that it could have been him and at first making him feel partly responsible for Taylor's death but that soon faded a little and dealing with it could wait for another day when he had more time. Right then Sharon was his focus because not only was she suffering but he had realised that he could have lost her in that courtroom too as she took Dwight down, that finally bullet in his gun having her name written all over it.

Sharon eventually got her composure back as much as she was going to be able to that night and slowly turned her head to capture his lips in a very tender but chaste kiss, moving her lips rhythmically against his as a way to say 'Thank you' for being there for her even when she had resisted his comfort, for never judging her no matter what she did and for loving her for the person that she was. Their kiss didn't stay chaste for long as it very quickly began to build, her tongue almost brutally forcing its way into his mouth before it circled his own, devouring his lips and swallowing his moans as all of their emotions came out in it as their lips continued to hungrily attack each other's and their hands simultaneously began to move south, his grabbing her ass and pulling her flush against him between his legs as hers started to pull his t-shirt up as high as she could, not getting it any further than his arms because she didn't want to force her mouth or her body away from his but that didn't stop her from raking her nails down his back and the exposed skin she had found instead. As it continued to build between them their kiss became almost desperate, all teeth and tongues and so intense it was overwhelming, almost making them dizzy as they tried to bury their emotions and the constant feeling of distress in each other. Suddenly Sharon came to her senses and realised that they were getting perilously close to losing what little control they had left and having grief ridden sex on the dining table when Rusty was probably still wide awake and could conceivably come out of his bedroom at any moment to check on her once again or to at least ensure Andy wasn't locked on the balcony again.

Sharon reluctantly managed to pry her lips away from his, it proving to be a hell of a lot harder than she thought it would be. "Rusty" she breathlessly panted as they both gulped in the air, letting him know the reason why she had so suddenly pulled away from him given that it was clear that she really didn't want to.

Andy laughed as he dropped another much more chaste kiss to her lips as he understood her meaning immediately and had no objections. "Well that's not exactly the sexiest word you've ever used in similar circumstances but whatever gets your engine going I guess" he joked, pushing his lips firmly against hers again.

"Andy."

"Yep." He nodded with a smile which made her realise that he fully understood what was going on and was actually glad that one of their brains had managed to kick into gear before they completely traumatised the kid and he never ate at that table again let alone looked either of them in the eye for the rest of the year. He moved his hands back to a much safer area of her body, clinging to her like she was still clinging to him, their chins coming to rest on the other's shoulder, not wanting even the tiniest bit of daylight coming between them.

"I'm not saying no or that we can't or I don't want to...we just need to move out of the living room if we're going to take it any further" she clarified to ensure he knew why she had so dramatically slammed on the breaks when things were progressing quite nicely.

"Yep. I know." Neither needed to say anymore, they both understood and were more than happy to stop before it went any further. They held each other tightly once again. As much as some very emotional and frantic grief ridden sex between them would have been hugely enjoyable and certainly a more than welcome distraction for a short while, neither of them wanted to move from where they were to continue what they'd started in the bedroom, more than happy just to stand there and hold each other for the rest of the night if need be, ever so grateful that they still could. Plus with Dr Joe out of action for the foreseeable future the last thing they needed was to traumatise Rusty further and for him to bother a man who needed to put all of his focus on his slow recovery rather than counselling a young man who had just caught his Mother and her boyfriend in flagrante delicto on the dining table.

Silence fell again for some time before Andy pressed his lips to her neck. "You had to shoot him Sharon. You had to, you had no choice" he told her as he sought to comfort her in any way he could because it was important to him that she knew that.

She sighed in response, that not really being the issue but she appreciated Andy's attempts to understand and comfort her all the same. "I know I did."

"He could have shot you or me or Amy or anyone else in that…"

She cut him off with a kiss to the lips, not wanting to discuss it anymore especially since he didn't really understand that she felt guilty precisely because she didn't feel guilty about what she'd done when Andy simply wouldn't in similar circumstances and she didn't want another argument with him about it because that was going to get them nowhere. They were on different pages and that was something she would have to accept and move on from because it certainly wasn't going to make her love him any less, it was just a fact of life, they were going to disagree about some things and that was that. "I know" she told him once again before she kissed him. There was an air of finality about not only the way she kissed him but in the tone she used to say it. She knew it all, saying it to herself multiple times since it had happened, that she had to do it and had no choice in the matter and yet she still felt guilt for not feeling bad about taking a life and that was never going to change regardless of anything Andy said to her even if he did understand it but she just didn't want to talk about it a moment longer. If she was ever going to feel better about it they needed to stop going around and around in circles on the subject and try to move on.

With the matter dealt with as far as Sharon was concerned at least they returned to hugging each other, their chins still resting on the other's shoulder with not even the smallest slither of daylight between them. "I am so so sorry about Chief Taylor. I am so sorry Andy" she said as her voice broke a little again, holding onto him even tighter and fully aware of the grief he was experiencing for his friend.

"Yeah, I know. Me too." He sighed. "I've known him my whole career. He was my friend…" he said before his voice cracked and bringing his words to an abrupt end, unable to continue without falling apart again.

At one time in his life Andy would have classed his then much respected Captain of Robbery Homicide Russell Taylor as one of his closest friends if not his best friend on top of being his leader at work and Andy would have followed him into the bowels of hell without hesitation if he'd asked. Andy did his bidding at work without question and without a second thought as almost his minion, trying to sabotage Chief Johnson as much as he could at his behest when Pope first brought her to Los Angeles but then overnight it all changed between them, their extremely close relationship coming to a very abrupt and fractious end. Taylor had unceremoniously tried to throw him to the wolves because of Bill Croelick without even a hint of loyalty towards him so that was it as far as Andy Flynn was concerned, their once great friendship was over for good. He transferred to Priority Homicide shortly afterwards, extremely lucky under the circumstances that Brenda wanted to take him on in the first place after everything he'd done in the weeks prior to sabotage her and undermine her as much as possible both at work and in the press but his relationship with Taylor was never the same again. A mutual dislike started to settle between them, neither missing a chance to make a sly dig at the other in front of the rest of the division and Andy remembered vividly Taylor's 'I would never describe you as elite' on the day before Priority Homicide became Major Crimes. It was something that never really changed when Commander Taylor started to report to Chief Johnson either, Andy continuing to not take Taylor's authority seriously and always pulling stunts like dumping safes from a suspect's house in his super cubicle for example just because he knew it would annoy the crap out of him.

Things were certainly a lot better between them when Commander Taylor became Assistant Chief Taylor and Andy was pretty much forced to take his rank a little more seriously (and not just because Rulebook Raydor was now his Commanding Officer and would never allow such blatant disrespect for rank to take place in her division) but they never found what they once had. Fifteen years earlier and Russell would have known Andy was dating Sharon from the outset rather than being told several weeks later and only as Sharon's immediate supervisor with the 'rules' coming into play because he would have known as Andy's friend. He would have told him what he was planning to do, that he was planning on asking her out like how he told Provenza, he would have sought his advice before taking the plunge too and then afterwards, now that they were very much an established couple they would have undoubtedly gone out to dinner as a foursome like how they now went out to dinner with Provenza and Patrice. They may have drifted further apart over the years but to Andy that only made it worse now that Taylor was gone, regretting that they hadn't patched things up before his death and despite all that had come to pass between them over the years, he was still grieving the loss of his friend as well as his colleague.

Regaining some of his composure Andy continued. "And I know we started to drift apart after I transferred but..."

"I know" she told him again as she cut him off with another kiss following his voice breaking a little, not wanting him to upset himself any more than he was already especially since she had raised the subject. Plus he didn't need to explain the situation to her, they'd discussed it in the past and she could fully understand what he was going through and what had come to pass.

He laughed into her neck. "You know an awful lot this evening if you don't mind my saying."

"I know" she replied, eliciting a laugh from both of them before they resumed holding each other in silence. At least another ten minutes went by with not a single word spoken as they clung to each other, not wanting to let go ever again but it still wasn't long enough of either of them, staying like that all night if they could. She kissed his neck again. "I'm sorry I locked you out on the balcony. It was completely inexcusable."

"That's okay." He kissed the side of her head as he cradled it, not wanting her to waste a second worrying about that on top of everything else. "Don't worry about it. It could have been a lot worse. At least I wasn't completely naked this time."

She chuckled into his neck a little. "If you had it might have evened the score slightly."

"Evened the score?"

"Yes." She kissed his neck again, not wanting to pull away from him to look him in the eye so made do with that instead. "I'm referring to when you admitted to calling in a bomb threat at Parker Centre to stop God knows what from happening in your division while I was in the shower after a session in the gym." He laughed before she swotted the back of his head, still slightly annoyed that he found her being stuck outside in a state of undress so incredibly funny on behalf of herself from over ten years earlier. "I spent half an hour wrapped in a towel with everyone leering at me" she reminded him.

"Are you sure that was the same day? I'm positive I would have noticed your legs in nothing but a towel out there." He kissed her shoulder again as his hand passed as low as it could go, brushing her legs as if he needed to remind her just how obsessed he was with them.

"That's highly doubtful. You and your partner in crime looked far too suspicious and up to no good to have any idea what else was going on outside" she told him and inadvertently sounding a little like Darth Raydor who was about to scold him.

"You don't know the half of it."

She laughed, only aware of the tip of the iceberg when it came to what happened that day. "Oh I don't doubt it and trust me Andy, the former Captain from Professional Standards really doesn't want to know the half of it either" she added, them both laughing about it.

"We were just minding our own business and waiting for the alert to be over, that's all" he lied not at all convincingly.

"The alert that you created."

"True but we weren't up to anything, honestly."

"Sure, of course you weren't." He couldn't help but laugh, thinking at the time that he and Provenza looked as cool and calm as could be when in reality they couldn't have looked any shiftier if they tried. "Watching you two pair of scoundrels standing around, looking beyond guilty and then watching the then Special Agent Howard drag a man in cuffs into his car to speak to Chief Johnson, it was like seeing a Police Academy movie play out right in front of me."

"And yet you didn't come over to find out what we were doing?"

"I was in a towel! A towel Andy!" she practically shouted directly into his ear. He laughed and kissed her shoulder again by way of a very long overdue apology for his part in the whole escapade, Sharon having just enough skin exposed from where his shirt had slipped down for his lips to gently caress her. "I was too focused on stopping every single patrol officer standing out there with me from seeing my...my…from seeing my twinkle," she finally said with a lot more dignity that the sentence frankly warranted which inevitably made him laugh, "every time there was a strong gust of wind."

"Twinkle?" he asked as he continued to laugh.

"You're missing the point" she cried before they both laughed again.

"I wished I'd seen you."

"I'm sure" she replied with a roll of eyes not that he could see her as their chins still rested on the other's shoulder but somehow he knew, he always knew.

"I meant so that I could have given you my coat" he clarified. Sharon pulled back a little so that she could finally meet his eyes and look at him sceptically, not believing for a second that the man she knew all those years earlier, the man who seemed to make it his mission to make her working life a living hell as much as possible would offer her anything other than a smart comment and a smirk as he looked her up and down rather than his coat in an act of pure chivalry. "Hey I was and may still be an asshole but I don't go allowing fellow officers, even a pain in the ass from Professional Standards to get leered at because of a bomb threat that I called in." She smiled before she kissed him, believing every word. "It's very late in the day but I am sorry."

"Apology not accepted" she told him with a glare before her eyes softened, them both laughing again as she pulled back a little more, their arms still wrapped tightly around each other but leaning back enough so that she could at least see his face a little better now that her tears had dried up and they had something other than the demons in her mind to talk about. "And why were you naked exactly?" she asked as she smiled at him for what seemed like the first time in a long time. "When your lady friend locked you out on the balcony? You never have told me the full story."

Andy was completely lost for words for a moment as he struggled for an answer, his mouth slowly opening and closing repeatedly since he didn't want Sharon to think that he was a complete idiot while also still being uncomfortable discussing other women with the woman he planned to marry one day (as soon as he could talk her into it). "She said the night air was stimulating or relaxing or something, I don't know...it doesn't really matter why in hindsight but who would turn down sex on a balcony?" he said as if that was all the explanation he needed.

She smiled at him as her finger came up to stroke his chin before she playfully nibbled along his jaw and then moved her lips extremely close to his ear. "Well you know we do still have a balcony and for a lot longer than I expected now that we're no longer looking at houses," she said in a sultry whisper that was sure to get him exactly where she wanted him, "so the next time Rusty stays the night with Gus we could…"

"Oh no!" he laughed as he cut her off in her prime. Sharon pulled back to look him in the eye as she continued to smile at him, trying her hardest to tempt him into a little al fresco tryst on the balcony the next time they had the place to themselves and really not giving a damn that their neighbour Mrs Rose would probably complain to the condo board about them. "No way Raydor, not on your life! I no longer allow women to lure me naked and helpless onto balconies with the promise of sex."

She smiled at him again, the conversation quickly turning into the perfect distraction that she had so desperately needed which only served to make her feel all the more ridiculous for not allowing him to comfort her any sooner. "Are you telling me this has happened to you more than once?" she asked, her surprise evident in her tone.

"You met my former neighbour didn't you?" Sharon laughed and nodded, never likely to forget Mrs Williams even before she called her a 'whore' and then pelted Provenza with eggs before tackling Andy to the ground the day he moved in. "Only it was her porch and she was in nothing but a black satin negligee and a smile and wouldn't allow me to leave until she'd fed me some sort of homemade chocolate pudding while she sang 'I Can't Give You Anything But Love' at me."

Sharon laughed again. "How very sexy."

"I nearly poured bleach in my eyes and I still haven't been able to eat chocolate since." She laughed at him again, a little shake of her head soon following before she leaned back into him, their faces pressed into the other's neck. Silence fell again as they held each other until Andy began to slowly rub up and down her back, letting her know that he was about to speak and caused her to pull back a little to see his face. As he gazed into her eyes he moved a lock of her hair behind her ear, looking at her very seriously. "So, tell me, how did your red hot date with Behavioural Sciences go?" he asked. "Did you cheat on your test or did you take it seriously?"

She chuckled as much as she was able even though it was a topic of conversation that she didn't much want. "How exactly would I cheat on my test with Behavioural Sciences?" she queried.

"You're kidding with me right? You wrote the questions and the answers babe, that's how" he told her as he playfully pinched her backside to lighten the mood but it did nothing to take away from the complete seriousness of his question. "Did you tell them the truth about how you felt or did you tell them what you knew they wanted to hear from you in order for you to pass and get cleared for duty?"

"Does it really matter?" she replied dismissively.

"Yes, it does. I need to know how worried I should be about you right now."

She shook her head at him and tried to suppress her emotions as more tears threatened to break free, once more being more grateful than she would ever be able to fully express to him that she had someone who took care of her and worried about her after so many years being trapped in a loveless marriage where she became more than accustomed to taking care of herself. Still, at the same time, she didn't want him to worry about her more than he was already, not when he was struggling to hold on himself. She tried hard to stop it but her tears still fell freely. "You don't need to worry about me Andy" she told him softly.

"Well then I've got some bad news for you because I'm going to Raydor, more so since that's my job now." He moved his hands to cup her face. "You are the love of my life, the reason I get out of bed every morning and it is my job to worry about you. I'm going to worry about you Sharon until the day I die." He kissed her on the lips before he tried to kiss her tears away as they continued to fall. "Would it help if you spoke to someone about it?"

She wiped her eyes as she tried very hard to stop crying but without success. "Like who?" she asked. She was going to have to speak to a therapist anyway as part of her clearance from Behavioural Sciences to return to work even if she didn't think she really needed to so she didn't really know who else he would want her to speak to about it all.

Andy shrugged casually. "I don't know, like a Father Stan maybe."

Sharon's immediate reaction was to laugh. Andy loathed the clergy with a passion and as a result she had been forced to practically drag him to Mass with her on occasion. It was also one of the reasons why she had told him the previous Christmas (when he was still a little nervous and wasn't sure if she saw a long term future with him or not) that marriage was on the table between them but an annulment and a church wedding wasn't that important to her to put his mind at ease and because she knew how much to hated the church (and the not so small fact that getting Jack to agree to an annulment so that she could marry Andy was going to be harder than getting blood from a stone). "What?" she asked as she continued to laugh.

Not at all distracted by her mirth he looked at her with as serious an expression as he could muster. "Look Sharon, I don't want to push you into a conversation with me that you don't want to have so if you can't talk to me about it because you don't think I'll understand then okay but if I can't help you deal with this then..."

"Andy," she said to cut him off mid-sentence as her tears began to fall again, "just you being right here with me helps me deal with this more than you'll ever really know." Once more the flood gates opened and she couldn't stop herself from crying even if she wanted to. There was more on her mind than just a lack of guilt for killing a man and not caring but being able to find the words and fully express what she was feeling was at that moment eluding her. "Just having you here with me, that's all I need right now. I just need you my darling boy, I just need you to hold me."

She moved to hug him tightly to her once again, hiding her face into the crook of his neck. There was nothing that she wanted more than for Andy to just hold her from the moment they got home that evening, knowing that the simple act of having his arms around her would make her feel so much better about everything going on inside her head but she had been worried about the dam breaking and never being able to compose herself again if it did, a problem that she was continuing to have even as he held her. Thankfully she was passed that now, her fear gone. He had held her, the dam had come crashing to the ground, she had cried just like he had too for that matter, sobbed even so it was no longer an issue and just the feel of his arms around her had made her feel so much better about everything that it seemed utterly ridiculous to her that she hadn't done it any earlier. She couldn't help but tear up again as she attempted to open her heart about the many many things currently going on inside her head. If Andy couldn't fully get to grips with how she felt about some things, at least telling him about everything else would surely help her as she laid everything out. Or rather she hoped that would be the case but even if it didn't at the very least she wouldn't be keeping anything from him, something she had battled with throughout their relationship up to that point.

Her breath caught in the back of her throat again, seeming more upset than she did earlier. "I need you right now Andy more than ever because I feel completely broken. Broken into a million pieces." He tightened his hold on her, pushing his lips to her shoulder over and over again as she sobbed through her words, it being the only thing he could really do in that moment. "And I just...I just don't know who I am anymore Andy and…"

Before she had chance to continue unloading and tell him all that she wanted to as she poured her heart out to him, he cut in as he was unable to let that sort of confession hang in the air for a moment longer even though he didn't know where she was headed with her train of thought. It simply couldn't wait until she was done before he made an attempt to correct her thinking. "You are Captain Sharon Raydor of the LAPD" he told her clearly as he made sure she heard and understood every word he was saying to her. "You are the most wonderful, kind, compassionate, loving, caring, courageous, sweet, beautiful, funny, sexy and bad ass woman I have ever met in my entire life" he told her as she continued to cling to him as if she would drown if she let go. "That's who you are and not just to me, to everyone, to everyone who has ever met you and that's who you'll be to all the people you've yet to meet too. You hear me? You are an amazing cop and a fabulous mother to all of your kids. How many people would bring home a feral kid like Rusty and decide to keep him? Huh? Not many that's for sure. How many people would go out of their way to offer a broken down, grumpy, selfish alcoholic like me a second chance at work let alone inviting him into your heart and your home? Just you my angel, just you" he said with his voice also beginning to shake as he kissed the side of her head. "You are nothing but compassionate and loving and that makes you the best friend in the world, believe me I know better than anyone babe." He chuckled and was glad to hear he got a little laugh in return despite the way his words were making her cry more than ever. "And on top of that, aside from being my fearless and much respected leader and my best friend, you are the love of my life. That's who you are Sharon, the most amazing woman in this world and the very best and the strongest person I know. That's who you are, that's who you've always been and that's who you'll continue to be even when these doubts and dark thoughts have been completely banished from your mind, no matter what happens. That's who you are and that's who you'll always be."

"Oh how I wish that was still true" she sighed, not believing a word of it.

"But it is babe, but it is, every single word of it. Trust me, no matter what you were forced into doing yesterday or how you feel about it right now, that's who you are and that is the person that I and Rusty and Ricky and Emily and Gavin and Andrea and everyone at work even Provenza, that is who we all love so so much" he told her, his lips pressing against her neck again because he didn't have access to much else. "No matter what you do, you will always be loved by us, by all of us, especially me. Always."

Her breath caught in her throat again, her extreme emotional state clear for him to hear as she tried to get even closer to him. "Oh God I love you" she managed to get out as she almost squeezed the life out of him while she buried her face into the crook of his neck.

"I love you too Captain" he replied and happily received a little laugh in return. "I love you so so much."

She sighed again, what she was forced to do a day earlier in that courtroom meaning that she really didn't think she was the person he was so beautifully describing anymore, feeling the way she did she simply couldn't be in her somewhat clouded opinion. "But Andy I don't think I'm that person anymore. If I can't feel some sort of remorse for Wildred Darnell even after taking the life of her son then I'm not that person anymore, I can't be."

"Of course you are. Of course you are no matter what you do and what doubts you have going around inside of your head right now, that's who you are."

She sighed with so much emotion it could do nothing but break his heart. Regardless of how she was feeling, despite not knowing who she was as a person anymore she had absolutely no idea what she would do without the man in her arms and that was despite the fact that she had done nothing but push him away from her over the previous half an hour. "But it sure doesn't feel like that right now. I just don't know who I am as a person anymore Andy, who I am as a police officer, who I am as a Catholic even for crying out loud for a vast array of reasons. I doubt my own sense of what's right and wrong, the justice system, even my faith but...Andy...if you weren't here with me…" She sobbed loudly as she allowed herself to get side tracked. "Oh God Andy I've made us waste so much time…"

With that very off topic statement coming at him from out of left field he tried to laugh a little since he thought it was nonsense. "Hey, hey, hey, you haven't wasted anything" he told her sincerely.

"Oh but I have don't you see?" she again cried into his neck. "I've made you constantly wait for me at every single step along the way and I know I'm really not worth the hassle..."

"Well that's just complete nonsense. Just to get the opportunity to spend an hour with you is worth all the wait and all the hassle in the entire world, trust me, I know." He pulled back a little and forced her to look at him. "Sharon you're the best thing to ever happen to me," he told her before pressing his lips firmly against hers, "and I only wish I could fix this for you."

"Exactly! Oh my God! That's my point exactly. Andy I really don't deserve you, your time, your love, your never ending patience with me. Every time you've tried to take one step forward in this relationship, every single time I've immediately taken two steps backwards and I realise now more than ever just how ridiculously foolish I've been from day one with you because if you weren't here with me right now Andy, as bad as I feel and as confused as I am about who I am as a person, without you here with me Andy, without my beautiful boy by my side I would truly be lost…well and truly completely lost."

It was the second time it had happened in their relationship, where she'd kept him at arm's length, foolishly she now admitted although the circumstances were vastly different to what had happened before. The first time was when she was violently ill on Valentine's Day and her overwhelming sense of embarrassment meant she didn't want him to look at her in that state much less help her but the moment she did, the moment she let him hold her and comfort her, her whole world seemed better. That night, six months later, as she cleaned the kitchen and Andy came to find her she felt the same way and she didn't want him to help her, she didn't want him to even look at her as she sought to contain everything she felt and was just so accustomed to doing it all herself but the moment that she let him and he held her he made her feel like everything would be okay again. After so many years of being alone her life could not be any more different. He was and he always would be her rock and she didn't know how she could cope without him anymore, that thought coming to her several times as the relief and then the guilt that Taylor died instead of him hit her like a sledgehammer.

"You help me my darling boy just by being here with me in the moments when I so desperately need you, even when I try to push you away first" she said quietly.

He sniffed before he replied, her upset causing his own. "But not enough babe. If I can't help you get through this sense of guilt and these doubts you're feeling then speak to Father Stan about it. Maybe he can be the one to help you work through this whole thing. So do it, go to Confession in the morning before work" he encouraged her, seeing it as the best thing she could possibly do for herself in the circumstances.

"I can't. Confession isn't until..."

"Father Stan will make an exception for you at any time of the day or night and you know it. So go and see him." He pulled back a little so that he could look her in the eye. "Please? For me?"

Despite the tears still streaming down her face she smiled at him and managed to suppress a laugh, Andy Flynn being the last person she expected to encourage her to go to church. Her hand came up to stroke his cheek as a little chuckle managed to escape her lips. "You're suggesting that I go to Confession? You? Really?" This time she did laugh which brought a huge smile to Andy's face too. "The man who was so concerned he was going to get struck by lightning at Midnight Mass last Christmas that you told me where your will was kept on the drive over? The man who dislikes all the clergy with a violent passion?"

"Hold on I don't dislike all the clergy," he corrected her, "just that Father Jack asshole for obvious reasons and any Nun that I've ever met in my entire life again for obvious reasons."

"Close enough, and yet you're telling me to go and speak to Father Stan?"

"Hey I didn't say I was going" he replied quickly and making it clear that was not an option although in truth he would gladly have gone with her if it was the only way he could get her there to make her feel even the slightest bit better.

She laughed, opting to test the water since the subject had been raised. "But you could" she said with a smile, part of being an attempt to deflect the attention away from herself for a moment as well as seizing an opportunity when it was presented to her. As good as it felt to get it all off her chest and tell Andy what was going on she also didn't want him to worry about her when he was so clearly struggling himself, something she had rather regretfully missed since the shooting as she tried to hold all of her emotions in for as long as possible at the expense of pretty much everything else except for work.

"Hey I already agreed to once a month as well as Christmas and Easter, let's not push it" he replied quickly before he talked himself into spending every single Sunday pretending he was really listening to Mass when in fact he was actually praying for death.

She laughed. "I know that my darling boy and I appreciate it, really I do" she told him and confirmed it with a kiss to his lips.

Silence hung in the air for a moment but Andy refused to be so easily distracted. "Well?" he asked, not prepared to let the matter drop until she agreed to go and see Father Stan as soon as possible.

"Andy I don't need to speak to Father Stan."

"But what harm would it do?" he quite rightly asked. "If you can't talk to me about how you're feeling, if you don't think that I'll understand then surely it's the next best thing so that you can work this out and begin to feel better again."

"Andy I don't know" she said as her eyes moved away from his to look behind him, unsure that she knew how to seek forgiveness for how she was feeling and despite knowing exactly what Father Stan would say to her, that committing a mortal sin, killing a man like she had would be forgiven in the eyes of God because she did it in the pursuit of justice and to save the lives of others, the only problem being that she was not sorry about it and her only guilt came from not feeling guilty about it.

Andy gently placed his hand on her chin and turned her face to look at him again. "Sharon. For me? Please?" he asked.

"I'll be fine."

"I know you will be but I'm really worried you're not right now babe" he told her again. She looked away from him once more, the look of worry on his face likely to make her crumble as she tried to maintain that, despite what she had told him in the previous ten minutes, she was going to be okay on her own when quite clearly she wasn't. "Hey, hey, hey look at me." She reluctantly faced him again, their eyes locked on each other's. "You're not okay." Once more he stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Sharon, sweetheart I'm worried about you. We're all worried about you, all of us."

As they all filed one by one into the courtroom the day before every single member of her division went to check on their Captain to make sure that she was okay first before doing anything else. It was not just that she had been there, right next to Taylor as he was shot and died, a few spots of his blood on her forehead, but also because she had shot Dwight and they how that felt, how it felt to take a life with Sharon never even coming close to something like that since her days on patrol and then she had only wounded a man back then but it was enough to leave her 'emotionally damaged' or so said the therapist they made her see in the immediate aftermath. But their concern only increased over the next twenty four hours as they started to unravel the conspiracy. She was not herself at all but not for the reasons they expected. They all assumed she would feel some level of guilt over what had happened, their fiercely religious Captain with a strong sense of right and wrong and the rules and the value of a human life but Provenza was floored when she told him that she didn't feel any sense of guilt over it and that was what bothered her more than anything else, that she couldn't find an ounce of sympathy or grief for Dwight or Wildred over what she had done to him and it upset her immensely as she struggled to understand who she was as a person any more.

Within a couple of hours she has become hard like stone, the old Captain from FID that they had all seen from afar before they really got to know her and she softened in their eyes not just because of Rusty but because they really got to know her as a friend. Despite that every now and then that emotion still came through and they all saw her struggle but they knew that the one person who would be able to help her, Andy, wouldn't be able to do anything about it until he got her home such was their work/home life divide which they had worked so long and hard on and had battled to maintain and protect on an almost daily basis. Both Provenza and Julio had a quiet word in Andy's ear to express their concerns throughout the two days as they worked themselves into the ground, seeing and hearing things from Sharon that Andy hadn't which showed how much she was struggling but Andy said he had it all covered (Julio had been with her and Amy as she spoke to Wildred Darnell in her office and it broke his heart to watch. Likewise when she had confessed rather casually and almost dismissively to Provenza that she didn't feel bad for her actions at all his concern suddenly grew exponentially). Andy was also worried about her and had been from the moment she pulled the trigger but he knew he wouldn't be able to do anything while they were at work (aside from a brief hug in the courtroom when Taylor was declared dead by Dr Morales he kept his professional distance because he knew that's what she'd want) she wouldn't allow it anyway but he'd handle it when they got home finally but he still hadn't been given the opportunity to do that until she had come to him as he sat on the end of the table with the way she had shut herself away from him all evening.

"Me?" she laughed as she stroked his cheek, her sole focus on him and trying desperately hard to forget what she had just told him, telling him how broken she felt. Without meaning to she had been piling yet more worry and stress onto Andy's shoulders when he was clearly struggling himself, wishing she could take it all back in an instant. "Andy you're worried about me?" She laughed again even though it was still the last thing she wanted to do. "What about you?"

Andy smiled, pulling her hand to his lips and kissing it softly. "Sharon I'm going to be just fine" he assured her, a large smile still present on his face as he met her lips. "I'm not going to drink tonight or any other night for that matter. You can trust me."

"I know" she nodded. "I know I can." Although it was a conversation they were yet to have, still desperately wanting him to open up about his drinking and his recovery, but regardless he did have her trust. She was fuzzy on the details on the whole but she also knew that he'd worked far too hard to get sober and to stay sober not only for himself but also to begin to have a better relationship with his children to let it all go without a serious fight.

"Besides you'd feel me getting out of bed if I decided to come in here and finish off a bottle of wine in the middle of the night" he joked.

"Oh I know I would. Let's face it I feel your red hot body going to the bathroom in the middle of the night" she laughed, the drop in temperature that came from Andy climbing out of bed usually waking her rather than the bed dipping as he sat on the edge before sleepily taking to his feet. "But even though I know that and I trust you and I know you have an exceptionally good handle on things I'm still going to worry about you boy because I love you."

"I know but you don't need to." He sighed with it being something on the top of his 'To Do' list, telling her about his struggles with alcohol but he didn't want to do it until the funerals were out of the way and he'd finally unpacked and truly made the condo his home. He met her eye and shrugged, trying to play it as casually as he could because he didn't want her to worry about him on top of everything else she had going on inside her head. Both of them not wanting to worry the other when clearly that was never going to happen. "You can have all the help in the world, all your family and your friends by your side and AA meetings and a sponsor always available and working the steps and taking it one day at a time, one hour at a time even but at the end of the day the only person who can tackle your addiction for you is you." He shrugged again. "I learnt that the hard way, so like you I too have been taking care of myself for a very long old time and even though I do still need you to help me with that from time to time whereas you don't really need me, you don't need to worry about me."

Sharon cringed at his words 'you don't really need me,' since that clearly was no longer the case and she needed him to know that, she needed him to know that she was wrong and she did need him, she needed him more than ever in fact. "I do need you Andy" she told him as she cupped his face. She pulled him closer again, holding him as close as possible. She regretted that she had ever said that to him, the whole conversation feeling like it had happened a lifetime ago given everything that had happened between them since then. She had told him that she'd been taking care of her own best interests for a very long time, over two decades by that point and she didn't need him for that, Andy subsequently believing that she didn't actually need him at all even after they started to date rather than just protecting her at work, him being with her because she wanted him rather than she needed him. However the truth to the matter was she now realised that she did need him, she needed him more than she had ever thought possible, more than she'd needed anyone else in her life since it just wasn't the sort of relationship she had once shared with Jack.

The way that Sharon had said it, despite knowing how emotional she was, he knew that she meant it. Although he wished with every fibre of his being that Sharon wasn't feeling as utterly distraught as she was it was still music to his ears to hear her say that she did 'need' him. In the past she had made it abundantly clear just how much she didn't need him or anyone else but at the time she'd been talking about work and they were still over a month away from their first real date. It also came up for discussion the day that he sold his house, Andy feeling more than a little insecure in their relationship because he still worried that he was almost disposable in Sharon's eyes. She soon corrected his error however. She told him that night as they spoke about their future together, that future that was only just starting, telling him that life had made her much more independent than most in her position and she hadn't really needed anyone for a very long time. But none of that mattered to her because she wanted him. She wanted him in her life and she also needed him too and although he wished the circumstances were different, that Sharon hadn't been so utterly broken and down on her knees for it to happen, he was so very glad to hear it.

"Andy my darling I need you more than ever right now precisely because I'm so used to taking care of myself and I don't want to do it any longer" she told him, that highly valued independent streak never about to up and leave her completely despite Andy's presence in her life but it was wonderful to realise that it didn't need to run her life anymore, that she had someone else to rely on. She kissed him on the lips. "But you..."

"Look I'm not going to drink tonight or tomorrow night or ever again okay?" he told her as he butted in, not wanting her to worry about him any more than she wanted him to worry about her. "That is a promise that I've not just made to you or Nicole or Rusty or Provenza but also to myself. I am going to do everything in my power from now until the day I die not to become that person again" he stated emphatically. "But you are going to talk to someone very soon about this aren't you?"

She smiled and nodded. "If it would make you feel better about everything then of course I will" she told him and completely missing the point of why he wanted her go in the first place.

"No because it'll make you feel better. Please?"

"Okay. Okay. I'll go in the morning and speak to Father Stan. I promise."

It was something that she hadn't wanted to say to him when they arrived home because she simply didn't want to worry him about her more than she assumed he probably was already as well as just a general desire to keep it to herself but in the end she couldn't help but spill her guts to him and tell him how truly lost she felt. The cat was now well and truly out of the bag. She hadn't been exaggerating about it, she did currently feel lost, completely lost and she just didn't know what to do about it. Her grief over the death of Chief Taylor and DDA Rosen was manageable if not all consuming at times since she was powerless to save them despite being armed herself. Likewise her relief that not only was Dr Joe going to be okay but by some minor miracle Andy was completely unhurt as well could also be dealt with in time when it was all over but there were more pressing concerns for her at that moment and they were all to do with Dwight and it was something that Andy was just never going to get to grips with no matter how hard he tried.

Sharon had been a Catholic since the moment she was born and not a Catholic like Andy, she took her religion seriously, it grounded her, it was her support network for the longest time and it made her the person that she was, giving her a sense of right and wrong that had been with her since she was a small girl but that had all gone out of the window over the course of the previous forty eight hours. She had taken a life, a human life, something forbidden in the Bible, a mortal sin and instead of feeling guilty about that she simply didn't care about it at all. Dwight deserved it and she took some kind of satisfaction about being the one to put him down. At a time when she needed it the most she was as far away from her religious beliefs as possible. She didn't believe in her God anymore like she used to or the justice system she'd spent so much of her life trying to uphold and she felt like she had completely lost all sense of right and wrong and at the heart of it, who she was as a person. She felt as lost as a person could possibly be and to compound matters the person that she wanted to talk to about it all the most was the one person she didn't think she could talk to because he wouldn't really understand, the man in her arms, the man imploring her to seek help from the church because he couldn't reach her with his view of the world. But more to the point even if Andy could begin to comprehend her guilt, how could he help her when she didn't know what she wanted and needed to feel better to begin with? Simply telling her that she did the right thing and she had saved lives by taking one herself and she would be forgiven in the eyes of God and her peers was not nearly enough. She needed more. She needed Wildred Darnell herself to confirm that Dwight was a monster and the she did the right thing when she took his life, that her actions were understandable and she forgave her because she had no choice but that was never going to come from a woman grieving over the loss of her only child. Which would only mean one thing, Sharon lost in the wilderness, forever seeking the absolution she was craving but not entirely sure she wanted or deserved it and feeling even more guilty because of that.

Andy smiled, glad that she had agreed to go but still feeling that he may need to drive her to St Joseph's himself to ensure she went. "Thank you." They hugged each other tightly once again as he kissed her neck and shoulder over and over again as if he was reminding her he was still there for her and always would be no matter what. Despite his best efforts Sharon was still clearly very emotional and rather than continuing to get better she seemed to be getting even more upset again as her focus switched onto one of the other things clouding her mind as she shook in his arms and ragged breath after ragged breath escaped her lips no matter how hard she fought to contain it. Assuming it was still all to do with Dwight, Andy regretted bringing up talking to Father Stan at all since she seemed to be back where they started when she first allowed him to touch her that evening. He started to rub her back, hoping it would sooth her. "Look babe I know I don't really understand how you're feeling right now about Dwight and everything but I can still listen if you want to talk to me about it, I can still do that."

"It's not that...well it's not just about that" she clarified.

"Then what? What else has you cleaning at this hour and feeling like this aside from that?" he asked, hoping to get a response that he might be able to help her with or at least try because it was clear that her current distress was caused by something other than grief over the loss of her colleague and friend.

She pulled back slightly and looked him in the eyes, revealing that she had plenty more tears ready to shed and no way to stop them, perhaps even more than earlier. A very slow and shaky breath escaped her lips once more before she sobbed. "It could...it could have been you." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as the tears began to fall freely from them once again, desperate to contain her emotions not only because she didn't want him to see them and worry even more but also because she feared that if she truly let go she would not be able to stop again.

It was a thought that hadn't hit her until she was safely in the shower a few hours earlier, completely alone with nothing but her thoughts. With so much going on at work and then even more going on inside her head, some things were initially neglected (such as how the whole situation was testing Andy's recovery) and one of those things was the realisation that if Andy hadn't moved seats for Chief Taylor when he arrived he would have been sitting there. He would have tried to have returned fire first. He would have been nearly knocked over by fleeing spectators. He could have been gunned down and killed by Dwight. She'd spent much of the last thirty six hours seeing Taylor and Rosen and Dr Joe and even Dwight lying on the ground and covered in blood as she replayed the shooting over and over in her mind and never able to stop it from happening. Then suddenly and out of nowhere she saw Andy where Taylor lay instead, his beautiful brown eyes that always danced when he looked at her suddenly lifeless, covered in blood and she simply couldn't breathe. For a moment in the shower she thought she was going to pass out as she sank to the floor before a long loud sob escaped her, thankful once again that the small shower was relatively sound proof from the rest of the condo but for vastly different reasons than usual.

Despite her exhaustion she hadn't been able to sleep because of her guilt over her lack of guilt about Dwight but likewise she also couldn't sleep because of the thought that it could have been Andy and then her guilt because of her relief that it wasn't. She still had Andy, her darling boy lying beside her in bed with his arms wrapped around her and pulling her back against his chest as a constant reminder he was alive. Meanwhile across time a wife grieved the loss of her husband and children grieved for their Father. With her confession to Andy she suddenly felt like she was in the shower again, unable to breathe as the dam well and truly shattered into a million pieces. She had no control over her emotions anymore as they spilled out of her, crying harder than she'd ever done in front of Andy and it was all for him, at the thought of losing him so suddenly before they'd even had chance to really start their lives together.

"It could so easily have been you instead him" she managed to force from her lips as her hands trembled while she cupped his face. She had spent so much of the evening running away from him so that he didn't see her break in front of him but now that she had all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and never let go ever again. "Dwight, he could so easily have shot you instead." Andy tried his best to smile at her as he wiped some of her tears away with his thumbs, this an emotional response he could fully understand because he felt the exact same way about her, just as relieved as well as guilty that it was Taylor who had died instead of her. "If Chief Taylor hadn't been late, if you hadn't moved seats for him so he could sit next to me, you would have been right there next to me and I just..."

"I know, I know but I wasn't" he repeated over and over again as he pulled her closer and kissed her repeatedly, Sharon clinging to him even more, climbing under his skin if she could find a way.

"I just feel so soul crushingly awful for feeling relieved about that and then that makes me feel even more guilty for Russell and his poor family but the idea of losing you Andy...I just..." she said as her words trailed off and her tears continued to fall freely, simply unable to contain them. "I can't lose you Andy, not yet. I just can't. We've only just got started." She pulled away from him slightly so that she could push her lips to his, only pulling away again when she needed to take a much needed breath. "You know I never meant or expected to fall in love again, not at my age, not after all this time after being on my own for so long and definitely not with the man who was once bane of my existence," she said before she was able to manage a small chuckle, "and I did everything I could to resist it and stop it from happening to me but I've reached the point in my life where I'd be lost without you Andrew Flynn, I'd truly be lost."

Andy pulled her back to him and held her so tightly they almost became one. "I know. I know" he told her as he kissed the side of her head over and over again while he cradled the back of it with his left hand. His voice broke a little as he spoke because of how it could so easily have been her too and it was a thought that had eaten away at him over the previous twenty four hours plus.

He had lost her a little since the shooting as she broke into a million pieces in front of him and he could do nothing to help her but when he thought about losing her altogether, when he thought about the way she had taken Dwight down while he still had one bullet left in his clip it made his knees buckle. It hit him while he was getting himself a much needed caffeine boost in the Break Room, having to take a moment to put his hand on the wall and keep himself upright as he fought for his composure before finally returning to work.

"Trust me sweetheart I feel the exact same way about you right now, the exact same way." They continued to cling to each other, the sound of his voice breaking causing her to adjust and bury her face into the crook of his neck so she could kiss him. "I will thank my lucky stars every day for the rest of my life that it was him instead of you babe. But that guilt," he sighed as he felt it too, relieved that it was Lydia suffering across town rather than him which made him feel even worse, "it eats right at the heart of you doesn't it?"

"I keep feeling so relieved that it was Taylor and not you and then I just...I feel so guilty about that too. I feel so guilty about that right now that I can barely breathe." Her breath caught in her throat again as she came very close to hyperventilating with a sense of panic much like she experienced in the shower as he continued to kiss the side of her head to comfort himself as much as to comfort her, feeling the same way.

"I know. Me too. Me too." Andy sighed before he kissed her exposed shoulder over and over again. "I love you so so much Sharon. Never forget that."

"I know. I love you Andy, I love you and I just don't know what I'd do without you anymore. I've always been fine on my own and I've never really needed anyone but I just can't...I just can't live without you anymore. I can't. I can't do it and moreover I just don't want to do it" she told him sincerely in what was a stunning and completely surprising statement of vulnerability coming from the likes of Sharon Raydor. It was a terrifying thing for her to admit out loud, especially at her age, especially with what had come to pass with Jack, forcing her to be even more independent and building immense barriers around herself so that she would never again feel that level of heart break in her life. Agreeing to go out on that first date with Andy was the biggest risk she'd ever taken in her life and Sharon Raydor did not take unnecessary risks. Fourteen months later and it was the best decision of her life.

"Well I hope you're not going to have to for a very long time."

"I'm going to hold you to that" she told him. They just about managed a little laugh each before they pulled back slightly so that their lips could meet in a long, slow, lingering kiss that was filled with gratitude and relief and love but so gentle it was like they were afraid of breaking each other. When they finally pulled apart he wiped away her tears with his thumbs again before he pulled her back to him and against his chest.

Silence once again descended on the darkened living room as they held each other, more than content to spend the rest of the night where they were, them both incredibly upset despite their relief and unable to speak, not wanting to let the other go as they thought of the Taylors across town and how they must be feeling. They knew Lydia and their boys would do anything for just five more seconds with Russell and that made them all the more grateful to have each other, to savour every single moment and not wanting to let them go ever again.

"I never even got chance to ask him about us having a week off together so we could go on vacation" Sharon said after a good long time. "I was going to ask him yesterday after court finished for the day. I was so utterly dreading it." She laughed but it soon stopped. "Now I would do absolutely anything to be able to have that conversation with him."

"Oh to be able to see his utterly horrified expression when we asked for the time off" Andy replied with real humour in his voice, both of them just about able to laugh despite how distressed they still felt. "You know I didn't think anyone could be more uncomfortable than Chief Johnson was when it came to dealing with the more personal aspects of the job and officers under her command dating and stuff but her major freak out over Gabriel and Daniels is nothing compared to how he reacted when we told him we were dating." They laughed again. "Like a deer caught in a set of headlights."

Although it needed a little nudge from Andy to do it when they did because she had been so completely absorbed in the case (glad as it turned out that Andy thought of it when he did although in part that was due to him struggling to adjust and narrow his focus since they had started dating. They may not have shared a bed by that stage and were still five months away from that but just catching a whiff of her perfume at work was enough to distract him, an issue that would indeed come back again after the first time they slept together), Sharon was very eager to get it over and done with and inform her immediate supervisor that she was dating within her division as soon as possible. In fact she was as anxious to get it done as Andy was nervous about it, seeing it as perhaps the smaller of the hurdles currently facing them as a couple as they tried to make their new found romantic relationship work (both of them assuming that continuing to work side by side while dating would be the most difficult thing to do but it was quickly proving to be getting Rusty on side with the whole thing since he had suddenly become extremely reluctant and almost weary about accepting Andy into his life as something other than Sharon's friend and colleague and that was despite telling them both to their faces in the past that they'd been dating for years without either of them ever realising it. The whole situation was made even more awkward because Andy wasn't at the condo any more than he had been in the past so not much had actually changed at that point other than the word 'date' was added when they saw each other outside of work).

Sharon had told Andy repeatedly after their first date that they weren't breaking any rules (and if anyone would know it was her) and that neither of them would have to transfer out of Major Crimes so that meant that they could date and continue to work together as long as one didn't affect the other but he still felt more than a little anxious about it (both of them keenly aware that he would have been the one who would have been forced into sacrificing his career and moving back to Priority Homicide if that was the case but in truth he would have gladly transferred anywhere to get the chance to spend the rest of his life with her but the situation was certainly helped by the fact that Provenza was her second in command and therefore having him between them as a buffer in their structure at work). Sharon had been trying to tell Taylor for days about their relationship but the appropriate moment just never seemed to present itself, the only time he remembered that she had asked to speak to him previously about an 'issue within her division' was as they were investigating the deaths of Officers Leary and Tracey and it was hardly the right moment for them to discuss it.

Despite the anxiety it was causing the both of them as they awaited the perfect moment to reveal all to Taylor there was one simple reason why Sharon wanted to tell him about what was happening as soon as humanly possible: she desperately wanted that first kiss with Andy but she wouldn't even consider attempting it before she had fully disclosed their change in status first. It was as they sat in Andy's car in the parking garage of her building following their first date that she asked him or rather told him that taking their relationship slowly was deal breaker as far as she was concerned. They could either take things slowly while they not only adjusted to looking at each other more romantically (or at least finally admitted that's what they were doing since they'd both been suppressing those desires for a good long while, one slightly longer than the other but there wasn't much in it) and ensured they could continue to work together and date or it wasn't going to happen at all. Andy agreed to her request almost immediately albeit more than a little reluctantly, stating that if he agreed it was her sole irrational demand for their entire relationship. The only problem was he didn't really know what taking it slow actually meant. How slow exactly? Like it was the 1800s? Or maybe the 1940s? No sex before marriage slow? Or no sex until at least a couple of months slow? Could he kiss her even? He simply didn't know and he wasn't about to ask her such were his all-consuming nerves with her that would still be present over twelve months later. But again such was his fear of rushing her before she was ready, running before they could walk and ruining what he hoped was the rest of his life, he decided that he was going to follow Sharon's lead and leave it all up to her no matter how desperately he wanted to kiss her or move things forward after that.

With that in mind and without much thought or caution he had completely surrendered control of their relationship to her willingly and so far in the three weeks that they'd been dating they went to dinner a lot, the movies too and even a walk on the beach but physical contact had been limited. She had played with his tie when she said 'Hello' and 'Goodbye' to him at the start and end of their evenings together, something that she had done long before they ever started dating with it eventually becoming a substitute for a kiss on the lips. Then their last two dates had ended with hugs or more accurately prolonged embraces as they clung to each other and didn't want to let go. The evening that two of their fellow colleagues were pointlessly gunned down in the street he had taken her to Santa Monica pier and they'd ended up walking along the beach with her taking his hand for the very first time and both of them feeling like their hands were made for each other, fitting together perfectly. That was their last date with work getting in the way ever since but as it ended she so desperately wanted to feel his lips dance against hers but she stopped herself, wanting Taylor to know what was going on before that happened.

As Sharon and Andy led a rather perplexed looking Taylor to her office he took a step closer to her, suddenly filled with nerves to the point where he worried he might actually be sweating despite it being his idea to tell Taylor at that particular moment in time. "Are you ready for this?" he asked quietly and as subtly as he could, the smile he had when they left Electronics gone and instead was replaced with a worried frown.

She smiled at him. "Oh most definitely" she confirmed. He smiled back at her enthusiasm, the look on her face infectious, but she couldn't fail to notice he looked more than a little anxious about the whole conversation, the conversation that was entirely his idea at that precise moment in time. She moved closer to his ear as they edged towards her office. "Don't worry, it'll be easy. We're not breaking any rules remember."

"And you'd know" he grinned back. Sharon laughed and smiled before she walked straight into her office via the door by Andy's desk while Andy waited for Taylor to go in ahead of him. Seeing Andy come to a halt Taylor stopped too, unsure of what was going on and looking for answers. "After you Chief." Andy held his hand out and Taylor walked in with a puzzled look still very much present on his face, feeling like he was ten years old again when he was being called into his Father's study to be told that his dog had been 'sent to a farm' after an unfortunate incident that involved his Grandfather, a bottle of bourbon and a lawnmower. Following his Chief inside Andy closed the door behind him.

The moment she had walked into her office Sharon had turned her laptop around so that it faced the table should Taylor feel the need to sit down shortly (when she sat down and really thought about it she was shocked she was now in a relationship with Andy Flynn and she'd obviously known how close they'd been getting over the last few years. In comparison Taylor would possibly need a paper bag to breathe in). She quickly pulled up the live feed on the news as they waited for the statement from the idiotic Special Agent Shea who was about to make a complete fool of himself, something that Taylor could relate to with the amount of times he was the sacrificial lamb in front of the press for Major Crimes before he became Assistant Chief.

"So what's all this about?" Taylor asked as he surveyed the two of them standing before him.

Sharon and Andy looked at each other. It was the one thing they hadn't actually discussed, exactly how they were going to tell Taylor but Andy gestured for Sharon to take the lead in the conversation since Taylor was her immediate supervisor after all and to be fair he had already told Provenza who was technically his immediate supervisor that he was asking her on a date before he even did it.

"Erm" Sharon started to say before she cleared her throat and realised that her other office door, the one behind Taylor was wide open and anyone who walked past could potentially hear what was happening. That wasn't to say that her relationship with Andy was a secret by any stretch of the imagination because it wasn't but Sharon was a very private person and until they had some handle on their personal relationship and how that would work as they continued to work together, she wanted her two worlds kept as separate as possible, not least because she knew there was going to be a big long line of people waiting to talk her out of it due to Andy's past and reputation. "Can we close the door Chief?"

Taylor eyed them both suspiciously because for the first time ever Sharon Raydor seemed a little flustered as she spoke to him, Sharon, the woman who was usually so unflappable but who would now need to be lowered to half-mast on Memorial Day. "Okay" he said, drawing out the word so it sounded like it was made up of about one hundred and forty syllables. He turned and shut the door, Sharon and Andy taking the chance to glance at each other, him offering her a reassuring smile while Taylor's back was turned. "Now, would you be so kind as to explain what the hell is going on with you two?" he demanded as he turned back to face them.

Sharon cleared her throat, it suddenly feeling dry. "Chief you may remember that I asked to speak to you last week about," she paused as she cleared her throat again and her hand came up to rest over her heart, feeling like she did when she was talking to Rusty about TJ and how friendships could sometimes develop into more, her heart feeling like it could potentially burst from her chest at any moment, not from nerves but because she felt so happy with life, "an issue within my division."

"Right and that issue is what exactly?" Taylor asked, still none the wiser what the usually incredibly succinct and intelligent Captain Raydor was trying to say to him.

"Erm..." she said again as she stalled, looking at Andy and getting another smile in return, getting the courage from his grin and subtle wink before turning back to Taylor. "Dating" she said finally, sounding as confident as ever.

"Dating?" Taylor repeated and not able to hide his surprise, the word coming out so high it sounded like he was in the middle of a prostate exam.

"My dating to be exact Chief" Sharon confirmed.

"And mine too for that matter" Andy added, suddenly filled with confidence and not wanting to leave it all up to Sharon. Silence fell on the office as Taylor looked at the two of them like they had snakes coming out of their ears as he slowly pieced together what they were trying to tell him without them actually explicitly saying it to him, his jaw seconds from falling open from the shock.

"As you may be aware Chief," Sharon continued, "Andy and I have been very good friends for a few years now but our relationship has erm...progressed since then."

"Progressed?" Taylor repeated, unable to say anything else other than parroting everything being said to him but in a pitch about four times higher.

"Over the last couple of weeks" Sharon stated.

Seizing the initiative and wanting to help out since Taylor seemed to be struggling to take it all in Andy took a step forward. "To cut a long story short Chief, I asked Sharon out on a real date and well…" He paused as he grinned like the Cheshire Cat, unable to stop himself as he looked at her so adoringly, too adoringly for work but given the circumstances and how it was all suddenly becoming completely official, he simply couldn't help himself. "Well she said 'yes.'"

Taylor's huge shocked and bulging eyes went back and forth between the two of them for a moment like he was watching an incredibly long rally at Wimbledon. "Really? Dating? You two?" he finally managed to spit out. Sharon and Andy looked at each other for a moment again, smiling as they all but confirmed the story they were telling him.

He wasn't entirely sure but Taylor thought his eyes were about to fall out of his head and roll away. Dating? Raydor and Flynn? Seriously? He could recall from the top of his head several times he'd witnessed the two of them having great slanging matches in the middle of the Murder Room before she became his Commanding Officer. They hated each other for years and now they were dating? Really?! His eyes quickly scanned the room to look for hidden cameras, assuming that it had to be a joke or something.

He went to speak again, not entirely sure what words were going to fall from his lips other than 'What?!' or 'But you hate each other!' but he was soon distracted by the sight of FBI Special Agent Jerry Shea appearing on the screen of the laptop and ready to start his press conference. "Let's put a pin in this conversation for a moment. It's starting" he said as he pointed towards the screen.

Sharon and Andy smiled at him nervously as they turned around and tried to focus on the press conference but that was going to be easier said than done especially because they knew Taylor couldn't take his eyes off either them and wasn't listening to a single word Shea was saying now that this bombshell had been dropped on him. It was the first time that something like it had happened, being notified that two officers beneath him were now dating. Of course he offered Gabriel advice about Daniels and was there for him when it ended so badly as the only real ally he had since all the rest were more sympathetic towards Daniels in the circumstances after she transferred but suddenly he understood why Chief Johnson was so uncomfortable with that sort of thing as he finally found the part of his job that he liked the least and he was being made aware of it by Darth Raydor of all people. He could understand it perfectly from Andy's point of view. Sharon was beautiful, classy, intelligent and quite possibly the kindest person he had ever met, the complete opposite to Andy Flynn. It briefly crossed his mind that perhaps Andy had killed Jack for her and he was blackmailing her into it because he would never know what she saw in the womanising, smug asshole who he once considered to be his closest friend. It had to be a dream or a hallucination. Suddenly he couldn't wait to get out of that room and talk to Provenza to get all the inside information and gossip which he was sure to have as Andy's friend. Well, he thought to himself as Special Agent Shea prattled on about how the Clarks had murdered their son for the ransom money, at least he had something to tell Pope the next time he saw him and he was never going to believe it. Raydor and Flynn were suddenly going to be very interesting to watch over the next few months and luckily for him, he had a ringside seat.

They laughed for a moment at the memory of that afternoon but it soon died down and the replacing silence was almost deafening in comparison as they continued to hold each other. She sighed, feeling even more drained that she was before Andy got up but she was better for letting some of that emotion out and doing it in front of him but that had only made her feel all the more exhausted as a result. However since she was still fearful of her dreams and even the flashing images when she blinked, she was determined not to go to sleep.

"I'm sorry Andy. I'm so sorry" she whispered into the crook of his neck. "I've tried so hard to keep it in, keep my emotions in check all day rather than dumping it all on you when you have enough things of your own to worry about currently without mine too and yet I've…I'm so sorry. I am so so sorry but I just can't stop it now." She laughed again, giving him the impression that she thought she was being utterly ridiculous for being so upset and Andy agreed but not for the same reason. Once again he put the blame for Sharon not thinking she could fall apart in front of someone she loved, not even the likes of him squarely on Jack's shoulders.

"Don't be sorry" he told her as he cradled the back of her head before he kissed her, forcing her to look him in the eyes as he spoke so that he could at least attempt to get her to fully believe and take on board what he was saying. "Sharon you never have to hide how you're feeling from me. Never. You hear me?" he asked, looking for any sign of recognition. "I will always be here for you. Always. I am here until the very bitter end with you my love and you never have to hide how you're feeling from me. Not ever. I'm the guy you lean on. I'm the guy that will be here for you no matter what. I'm the guy that loves you to death, the guy who will always love you. I'm the guy you can say absolutely anything to. I'm the guy who will always try to make it better if I can. Okay?" he asked again. "You don't need to hide anything, least of all from me. Okay?"

She sniffed as she pulled back a little further, finally nodding at him. "Not even my feelings on that grey and white monstrosity you insist on wearing all the time?" she asked as she tried her hardest to smile, that particular shirt of his loathed for a couple of reasons, firstly because it was just horrible and secondly because he always seemed to get into trouble when he wore it.

They laughed as he wiped her tears away with his thumbs again, firmly pressing his lips to where they had been to remove the final traces. "Well maybe that and if anything ever happens to the turkey during the holidays but other than that you never have to hide how you're feeling from me."

They laughed again as she nodded, thinking if anything ever happened to the turkey over the holidays she'd have to sedate Andy rather than lie to him about it. She smiled at him as much as she could, moving her hands to cup his face. "I love you" she told him, the emotion clear in her voice before she kissed him on the lips.

"I love you too." He kissed her back before they returned to holding each other tightly. As he held her he couldn't stop his mind from racing, everything coming as thick and fast to him as it was to Sharon. Andy knew that although it wasn't the first time that Sharon had shot someone, it was the first time that she had actually killed someone. His mind instantly drifted to his first time, the first time he took a life and although he didn't feel bad for not letting the death of an asshole at his hand bother him all that much, it was the first time that he drank himself to sleep in order to forget it.

It irritated him, not just that he couldn't wrap his head around Sharon's guilt at her lack of guilt for killing Dwight but that it meant he couldn't help her. That didn't mean he was going to give up trying, determined to at least begin to understand how she was feeling because he loved her. In the end he opted to tell her about his first time to see if that might help her a little because there were some similarities.

He sighed before he spoke, his words when they did come causing Sharon to jump slightly in his arms from the surprise, her mind elsewhere during the silence. "My first one, the first time I shot and killed a man was during my third year out on patrol." Sharon kissed his neck and then pulled back a little so she could see his face while she listened, owing him at least that much as he opened up to her. "His name was David Gomez and when I arrived on the scene he had raped his sister at gunpoint while forcing her friend to watch and was just leaving the house as if nothing had happened on his way to work. His sister, her name was Maria and…oh my God, she had the most astonishing pair of hazel eyes I'd ever seen in my life at that point, she'd called 911 while he was getting dressed. The moment he saw me he opened fire, before I'd even got out of the car so I had no choice but to immediately return fire. I hit him twice in the chest, double tap, and the report said he was dead before he hit the ground but the guy fired at me first and came damn near close to hitting me too so I had absolutely no choice." He paused as he looked passed her as if he was watching the whole incident playing out just over her shoulder. "What I remember most of all though was his sister screaming at me. She'd just been violently sexually assaulted by the guy, she called 911 on him but she proceeded to beat the crap out of me because he was her brother and I'd just killed him." He shrugged. "I couldn't help but feel sorry for her and his Mom too for that matter and I think the guy had a baby boy at home I guess but I had no choice. It was him or me. There was no doubt about it, the guy was a Grade A asshole and he deserved what he got but I felt sorry for his family, for their loss" he told her, still not really getting to grips with how Sharon felt because he felt sorry for the family when Sharon simply didn't, rather than feel sorry for Wildred Darnell she blamed her, looked at her with suspicious rather than sympathy. She nodded but she didn't speak. He didn't think, despite his best efforts, he would ever really understand her guilt at not feeling guilty for taking a life but what he could relate to was how she felt after speaking to Wildred Darnell, someone who understood that you had no choice but at the end of the day they were also grieving the loss of someone they loved. "I'm not blaming it at all but that was the first time I went home and drank until I passed out to be able to sleep, so I get it okay?" She nodded again. "Like me you were just doing your job and you saved lives, you saved my life." She nodded again without a word and he saw that despite his best efforts he really wasn't helping matters, only bringing her mind back to something she desperately wanted to forget and needed to forget for her own sanity if he was ever going to get her to go back to bed and get some much needed sleep.

They returned to hugging in silence again until Andy suddenly winced, hissing with pain and pulled away slightly with one arm, flexing his left shoulder with a grimace. She looked at him with a lot of concern. "What's the matter?" she asked as he continued to grimace as if he was in real pain.

"Oh nothing, don't worry" he replied with a shrug. That however was not Sharon Raydor and she was always going to worry about him when he seemed to be experiencing more than a little discomfort, even more so following his accident and how much of it he kept to himself. She stared at him as she waited for him to crumble and tell her, it didn't take long, that intense glare always making the person on the receiving end give up quickly. "It's just my shoulder, no big deal."

"What's wrong with it?" she asked as her hand moved to it and slowly began to massage it a little. Andy had always had issues with that shoulder since he had been shot in it many years earlier (it was actually one of the first times that she'd been involved with him professionally after he killed a suspect who had fired and hit him first, Andy just as obnoxious to her as she conducted her inquiry and tried to help him as he continued to be for the twenty years that followed) and she had frequently rubbed it for him over the previous twelve months of their relationship, the fact that she once revelled in his discomfort over it because of his attitude towards her not lost on either of them.

"Nothing really just that some asshole took a swing at me today while we were trying to clear out Eagles Nest" he said very casually, not believing that it was a big deal at all.

Sharon frowned. "What? Someone hit you?" She looked at his face with concern, looking for any sign of injury as her fingers traced it gently, almost dancing across his skin. "Why didn't you say anything to me earlier?"

"Because no one actually hit me. I ducked just in time." He laughed as he once again tried to downplay the whole incident but Sharon just stared at him with a frown, waiting for more of an answer than that. He sighed. "It's no big deal I promise. Some knucklehead tried to punch me that's all but I managed to get out of the way." He flexed his shoulder, grimacing again. "I think I twisted myself as I moved."

"Are you sure you're okay? Do you need to see a Doctor about it?"

Andy laughed at Sharon's overreaction but it was his own fault he realised. If he'd only rang her from the hospital after his initial accident or told her that the Doctor wanted to see him urgently for a follow up or that the drugs he was on to thin his blood were making him feel dizzy she would have a lot more trust in him as far as medical matters were concerned. The fact that she didn't trust him as far as she could throw him in that regard was all his fault and he had no one to blame but himself. "No. No Doctors are needed thank you very much." He kissed her on the lips. "I just pulled it a little as I ducked out the way. I'll be fine."

She stroked his face as she looked at him a little worried, unable to stop herself. "I can't believe someone tried to punch you. What were you doing exactly?" she asked.

Andy shrugged. "Just being myself as I did a little crowd control."

"Oh well now I understand why he did it" she joked, laughing a little as he looked a little put out for a moment before laughing with her. "Would you like me to rub it for you? I've got some massage oil that might do the trick."

He smiled and winked at her. "Maybe later." For the time being he was more than content to stay where he was with Sharon in his arms, more focused on how she was feeling rather than himself and a dull ache that was no reason for alarm but it was definitely a backup plan for later if he failed to get her back to bed any other way, wanting her to get a little sleep if he could. "You know, come to think of it," he started to say as he frowned, "maybe I hurt it more than I realised when Mrs Williams tackled me to the ground last week." Sharon laughed immediately, snorting even as the sight of Andy lying on the floor with his former neighbour crawling up his body never failed to amuse her. "Stop laughing, it wasn't funny."

"Oh but it was from where I was standing" she declared as she laughed again, looking more relaxed and happy than she had done in days. "You do know that Buzz recorded the whole thing right? He's going to put it on a flash drive for me so I can pop it on any time I need cheering up." She laughed again as he sighed, fearing that footage was going to be replayed at every party and family gathering until the day he died. "But look on the bright side, as well as filming Mrs Williams hanging off your leg he also filmed Mrs Williams pelting Lieutenant Provenza with eggs."

"Sure, every cloud" he agreed and making her laugh again. Once more it was music to his ears, his heart swelling to see a genuine smile back on her face, sensing an opportunity to keep her distracted. "What kind of massage oil exactly?"

Sharon laughed and shook her head. "I knew that would get your attention eventually. Erm, I'm not sure." She shrugged with a little smile. "It was a little moving in together present for the both of us from Gavin actually."

"Gavin?" Andy exclaimed with more than a touch of surprise.

"Yes. He dropped by for a drink and a catch up on Tuesday night while you were at your AA meeting."

"You never said anything."

"Well I was already in bed when you got home" she reminded him.

He grinned, letting out a self-satisfied "I remember" before he kissed her long and slow on the lips.

It was something that they were still working on, what would happen on the nights that Andy went to an AA meeting. In the time that they had been together she had seen him just twice after he had been to a meeting, the first when he drove over a few weeks earlier to show her that he was trying to change for her after she agreed to move in with him and she raised the subject in conversation, noting that she never saw him afterwards and he had to be ready to change that if they were going to move in together. The only other time she had seen him was a couple of weeks later when she went to his house to surprise him, a little worried that he had gone to a meeting twice in a couple of days (Jared's relapse and the discovery of how much money Mike made per episode on Badge of Justice sending him in search of a little additional help). In truth it was just easier and made more sense for him to go straight home afterwards because his usual meeting was a lot closer to his house than it was to the condo. These days he faced a long drive home rather than switching meetings which he didn't really want to do but it was going to be an adjustment regardless and they'd faced it that first night with not much discussion about it but an awful lot of sex as they took full advantage of Rusty staying with Gus and the little honeymoon period bubble they were happily living in following the sale of his house. He didn't want to discuss his addiction with her at all if he was honest but he had arrived home all ready to answer any questions she may have had about his evening and what had gone on but that all went straight out of the window as he climbed into bed thinking she was asleep only to discover that she was wide awake and had been waiting for him in nothing but a smile and some Chanel No 5, quickly switching his focus.

"Waiting until I was out before he stopped by huh? Clever" Andy said with a raised eyebrow and in the knowledge that not only did Gavin not like him but he also didn't trust him either.

"No not at all. In fact he was extremely disappointed that he'd missed you" she informed him cheerily.

Andy scoffed. "I highly doubt that."

"I'm being serious here, he was" she stated again. "Since he was sadly out of town over the weekend and couldn't help you move in he wanted to stop by and congratulate us both in person with a little gift" she added, her hands moving up and resting behind his neck.

"Huh. So what? I have his approval now is that what you're telling me?"

"Well he still thinks that I should be spending a little less time with you and more with him and Andrea but Andy you've always had his approval" she told him, it being about eighty percent true even before Gavin helped Andy change his will to include both Sharon and Rusty as well as making Sharon his medical power of attorney.

Andy scoffed again, remembering vividly the moment he was trapped in his car with Gavin and Andrea after an AA meeting (the pair of them lucky not to be shot after they leapt out at him in the darkened parking lot, something that wasn't a good idea before Bobby Harris attacked him let alone afterwards), both snarling at him and with his balls in imminent peril from Andrea's nail file if he ever hurt Sharon. "Not when he was sitting in the passenger seat of my car with Andrea and joining forces to threaten my testicles I didn't." Sharon laughed, even more so because his voice went so unbelievably high it sounded like his testicles were under attack as he spoke. "Approval was the last thing on his mind then, hers too for that matter. By the time I kicked them out of my car they were about five seconds from ripping a handful of my hair out and constructing a voodoo doll to make sure I toed the line with you at all times."

"Oh so that's why he spent so long in the bathroom the other day. He was collecting a DNA sample for a voodoo doll" she cried before laughing hysterically.

"Laugh all you want Raydor but I'm being deadly serious here. If I have a heart attack next week then the first thing you need to do is get a warrant and search everything that pair own or lease to find that doll and remove the needle from my chest."

Sharon laughed again. "They would never do something like that to you."

"You're right. Andrea is just as likely to draw a pentagram on the floor and shout 'I summon thee' four times and get her demon master to do it for her than actually get her hands dirty herself" he grumbled. It had actually crossed his mind a few years earlier when he was watching an episode of Game of Thrones where the Red Woman seemed to give birth to a black, tar, twinkle monster as Sharon would call it, that then went and promptly killed Renly, thinking that Andrea Hobbs probably had the same power.

Sharon laughed again. "Okay, twelve months ago maybe you would have a point while they were still a little unsure about the nature of your intentions towards me but now they both know you better," she said and pausing to kiss him on the lips, "and they're both very happy for us and openly admit they were wrong about you."

"They've both openly admitted that they were wrong about me? They've actually said that?"

"Well not in so many words exactly but it was definitely implied."

"Do you think they could be persuaded to imply it onto a piece of paper that I could frame and keep on my desk at work maybe?" he asked, more than eager to get a tattoo of it if he could.

"I doubt it but it doesn't hurt to ask I guess" she laughed.

"This all sounds great in theory but I don't know babe, Andrea was pretty mean looking with that nail file clutched in her hand and pointing it right at my boys" he said as he glanced down at them and thanked his lucky stars that he still had them both. "I'll be honest, when I told Provenza that I was going to ask you out on a real date I figured he was going to be the biggest pain in the ass and hurdle for us to overcome. Then it turns out to be Rusty and your two minions."

"Lieutenant Provenza really didn't have any problems at all when you told him what you were planning to do?" she asked with a little surprise. Yes by the time Andy asked her to dinner at Serve Provenza had more than softened towards her but it was still a surprise nonetheless given his feelings about disrupting the balance of the division.

Andy smiled at her. "Not one surprisingly although I think at the time he was just sick of hearing about it all the time and wanted it over and done with one way or another even if he was a little worried about picking me up from rock bottom again if things didn't work out between us." She kissed him languidly in response as if she was trying to tell him that his fears, although fully justified at the time, were never going to come to fruition because she loved him long before he asked her out and she was determined to make it work between them no matter what. "But other than that, no" he confirmed as he moved a lock of hair behind her ear. "The guy loves you more than he likes me right now" he said, them both laughing at the thought.

"Is there any way I can get that in writing?"

Andy laughed. "Sure, the next time I have to drive him home drunk from a bar I'll make sure he signs the paperwork before I drop him home." He paused for a moment. "Gavin really has no problem with me anymore?" he asked.

Much to his surprise Andrea had warmed up to him a lot quicker than Gavin initially did but then she did spent a lot of time with Andy at work so that had helped a lot, especially when she started to notice the way Andy looked at Sharon with such love when he thought no one was watching. It wasn't long before Andrea felt so pleased for Sharon as well as being a little jealous because Andy genuinely did look at her with such awe and adoration that she knew he loved her almost as soon as she discovered they were dating but if she wasn't convinced by that, the way Andy smiled at her as he was being wheeled into surgery let her know she had nothing to worry about as far as his intentions towards her friend were concerned.

"No he doesn't but let me remind you that if he did I really couldn't care less about it my beautiful boy because I love you with all my heart and that's all that matters to me" she told him before she pressed her lips to his in a soft and tender embrace. "And not forgetting the not so small fact that he was trying to get me to have a one night stand with you over fifteen years ago so he's never really disliked you all that much."

"Like I would ever forget that" he laughed. "I'm adding that to the list."

"What list?"

"The big list of sex we've missed out on and we desperately need to make up for, and quickly too at that" he announced as seriously as he could, easily making her laugh. "To go in reverse order we've got Valentine's Day, the three months between you showing up at my house in that dress I never noticed you wearing to when we did finally sleep together and now the seven nights of unbridled passion Gavin tried to get you to have with me."

Sharon laughed again. "Seven? How do you work that out? It was a suggested one night stand and nothing more."

"Yeah it would never have been just one night" he stated with equal parts confidence to go with his smugness and arrogance. "Okay you've got the first night, that's one. Now I don't mean to toot my own horn here but I am pretty good at you know, making your toes curl…"

"You'll get no argument from me on that" she confirmed with a laugh.

"Right, I didn't think I would" he said with a waggle of his eyebrows, making her laugh until he had to kiss her quiet. "So with that in mind I'm thinking you'd definitely have come back for more with nights two, three and four coming very quickly afterwards. Then you'd start to worry you were getting too attached to me."

"Oh really?"

"Oh yeah. It happens all the time" he said casually and making her laugh again. "It is of course how I've finally managed to wheedle my way into not only your bed but your home too after all this time."

"And my heart" she stated before meeting his lips. "You found you way in there first" she added before she kissed him again.

"Good to know" he smiled before he kissed her back. "And believe me I don't plan on doing anything that gets me evicted from their either."

"I'm glad to hear it" she replied, kissing him again. "So what happened after night number four?" she asked when they broke apart, keen to learn more about this alternative universe where she had taken Gavin's advice and slept with Andy fifteen years earlier.

"Right, after night number four you'd have driven over to my place in the middle of the night to break it off with me because you couldn't sleep and needed to end it but obviously failed the moment I opened my door and you know, smouldered at you," he shrugged with more than a little fake arrogance which again made her laugh, "which lead to night five and morning six."

"I see. And what about seven?"

"One for the road when you finally finish it for good, sending me on my way to pine for you for the rest of my life" he stated matter-of-factly as he looked at her like a puppy dog who was pining the absence of their owner.

Sharon laughed, more than accustomed to the sad eyes of Andy Flynn that always seemed to get him out of trouble immediately. She ran her fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp with her nails the way he liked before she kissed him on the forehead. "It looks like you've got it all worked out" she said as she moved her hands back around his neck again.

"Well I have given it some serious thought since you let slip that Gavin was trying to get you to ride me like Seabiscuit all around Parker Centre" he said and making it sound like he'd giving it the same level of thought as he would a triple homicide and making Sharon laugh at him once again. "And I can't help but think that I would have done something stupid to ruin it back then so you would never have taken that risk by going out to dinner at Serve with me all these years later, therefore I'm so very very glad that you resisted the temptation."

"Me too" she smiled before she kissed him, very relieved that she hadn't ruined the future that now lay ahead for them by having a purely lust motivated one night (or if you believed Andy, seven night) stand with someone she didn't particularly like at the time. "Even though you were incredibly tempting at the time" she joked, them laughing before their lips met again. "I like to think that we might have made a good go of it back then" she mused, not usually liking to think about the road not travelled but sometimes she couldn't help it as she thought about all the extra years she could have had with the man in her arms.

"Sure, until Gavin took out a hit on me."

Sharon laughed and shook her head. Andy had always been very sensitive when it came to him not having the trust and the blessings of her friends and family since he was firmly of the opinion that she could and should be doing a lot better than him, thinking that the people that loved her felt the same way too. She'd told him many times that everyone who loved her would love him too because she did but he didn't buy it. Likewise he still wasn't overly convinced when she told him that she didn't care what anyone else thought of him and their relationship either because they loved each other and that was all that mattered but he didn't want to cause problems in her life, making friendships that she'd had longer than she'd known him in some cases become a little strained as a result of his presence in her life.

"The thing you have to remember with Gavin is I've known him even longer than I've known you" she reminded him with Gavin Baker in her life from long before she even met Jack and therefore he had a ringside seat for everything he had put her through over the years. "He was there on my wedding day. He was there when I had Emily and Ricky. He was there when my marriage ended again and again and again" she shrugged with Gavin being a witness to it all and in the perfect place to try and help her through it. "He looked at you when we first started dating and he couldn't help but see every way that you reminded him of Jack."

"Well that's pretty hard to dispute" he sighed, more than aware that in the eyes of some, Sharon had replaced Jack with a carbon copy.

"Granted but I also know all the ways that you're nothing like Jack, the reasons why I love you with every fibre of my being and finally, admittedly after a bit longer than I had hoped, he sees that too and even if he didn't it still wouldn't matter to me because I love you." She shrugged, really not caring what her friends thought about him as long as her children liked him, which they did, Emily and Ricky in particular thrilled to see her so happy after everything their Father had put her through. "Nothing else matters aside from that." She kissed him on the lips as if she was trying to reinforce her point and end the discussion. "I don't care what everyone else thinks about us because I love you and that's all that matters to me." He smirked at her in response. Sharon loving him should have been the only thing that mattered to him but at the same time he was only human and he wanted the approval of not just their colleagues and Sharon's children but also the approval of her friends too, not for him but because he felt not having it would possibly cause problems between Sharon and Gavin and Andrea and he didn't want to be the cause of any issues in their friendships. Sharon could see the concern in his eyes and knew exactly why it was there, Andy not wanting her to lose the life she had away from him because her friends didn't like him. "Oh Andy my darling, you've moved in with me. You've sold your house. This is it now. You and me together until the very end" she told him and not for the first time, pressing her lips firmly to his again. "Is it not about time boy, that you stopped worrying about what other people think about us and just accept that I will love you until my dying breath in this life and beyond in the next and that's all that matters to me and no one has any intention or any hope for that matter of talking me out of it?" She kissed him again, it lingering even longer this time. "Seriously Andy I wanted Rusty and Emily and Ricky's blessings but I didn't need them. All I needed was you. All I still need is you" she told him and then met his lips again. "Okay?"

"Okay" he nodded as if that was going to be the very last time they had that conversation when they both knew that it wouldn't. He kissed her, it lingering once again as he felt her hands start to travel south down his back but the way he was perched on the corner of the table stopped her once again from grabbing his ass like she usually did. He smiled as they pulled apart. "Here." He stood and then quickly turned them around, switching positions and encouraging her to sit on the corner of the table instead. He stepped between her legs and put his around her as she did the same. Within seconds her hands had travelled down his back and grabbed his backside, squeezing it as she always did as she smiled at him. "Is that better?"

She smiled again and nodded. "Most definitely" she replied and confirming it with a kiss to his lips. With Andy now considerably taller than Sharon was when she stood in front of him he put his hand on the back of her head, pulling her towards him until she rested her ear just over his heart. He looked down and pressed his lips to the top of her head, not moving them for the longest time. Once more they just cuddled in silence until she rested her chin on his chest and looked up at him. "What are you thinking about?" she asked him, his mind clearly elsewhere given how quiet he was.

"Taylor" he said but rather than sadness appearing in his voice he laughed instead. "Do you remember I told you about Freddie Fisher's retirement party where he had us all turn up in drag?"

Sharon laughed at the memory. "How could I forget it more like? The mental image of my beautiful boy and his best friend in long, flowing and rather sexy dresses while being hit on by two near sighted Japanese businessmen in the parking lot is pretty hard to remove" she laughed. "Are you sure there aren't any photographs from that night? Not even one?" she tentatively asked, desperate to see the both of them in dresses.

"Let's put it like this, there better not be any photographs from that night" he said and fully prepared to kill to get them if photos did indeed exist but laughing again anyway just to get Sharon to join in with him as he continued to lighten the mood and keep her distracted. "If there was just one photo of me with my hand down the front of Provenza's dress trying to even up his breasts so that he didn't essentially have a shoulder boob then I'd never be able to show my face at PAB ever again." Sharon laughed hysterically once again. "My reputation would be in tatters."

"I've got some bad news for you my darling boy, your reputation has been in tatters since the moment you first took me out to dinner."

"Actually I like to think that's been more damaging to your reputation than to mine babe."

Sharon laughed, that the second time they'd had that particular conversation since Andy had come to look for her after finding he was alone in bed but unlike the first time she was all smiles and getting him to shut up and leave her alone was the last thing she wanted. "And I honestly wouldn't have it any other way" she told him, looking up at him until he pressed his lips to hers.

"Me too" he confirmed, kissing her again. "I've thought about that night a lot over the years. We were there a good hour or so before Taylor showed up and joined the party."

"Was he in drag too?" she asked, currently finding it hard to picture Russell Taylor in a dress but that was mainly due to her being unable to think about him at all except for lifeless and covered in blood on the floor of that courtroom.

"Oh yeah!" he nodded before they laughed at the thought. "I'd like to say that he made quite a convincing woman but I can't lie" he said, them laughing again. "Of course the fact that he still had his moustache didn't help matters" he laughed. "He looked just like my Grandmother although he had better legs. Even so he was one circus tent away from being a bearded lady and going on the road with a contortionist."

"He didn't shave at all?" Sharon asked, tears threatening to fall from her eyes again but this time from laughter.

"Nope, well not his face anyway, despite how good they appeared I didn't look too closely at his legs for obvious reasons" he said with a slight shudder, them laughing again. "He looked like Freddie Mercury in that video, you know where he's cleaning the house?" Sharon once again laughed as she nodded. "He was the only one out of the three of us who was married at the time so I guess he figured he didn't need to go and buy or rent himself a dress for the occasion either, he went right ahead and took one straight out of Lydia's closet."

"Oh my gosh but she's..."

"About a quarter of his size? Yeah I know" he laughed, Lydia Russell extremely svelte and therefore making it all the more surprising that her husband managed to squeeze himself into any item of her clothing with the exception of her old maternity wear. "How he got in that thing I will never know," he laughed once more, "but it was stretched to hell in about an hour so I don't think she wore it again, they probably had to cut him out of it."

"Ah! Just like a certain pair of pink panties that I can never wear again" she joked as she laughed merrily, laughing all the harder because of the frown on Andy's face, wanting to forget all about that whole incident especially because his balls were so sore, hot and red by the end of the day that he wanted nothing more than to spend the night sitting in a bucket of ice or straddling a frozen turkey. Still looking annoyed Sharon reached up and grabbed the neck of his t-shirt so that he would lower his head and allowed her to kiss him. "What colour was it? Taylor's dress?"

"Like a very pale orange colour with shoes to match."

"He borrowed her shoes too?"

"I hope so because I know to a man we all loved Freddie, that's why we were dressed up after all but if he went out and bought a pair of Jimmy Choo's just for that evening I'd be worried to say the least" he said as his eyes widened and they laughed. "I just remember him trying to play pool in that dress. The way he kept leaning over the table and making one of his breasts roll out and onto the table" he told her, struggling to get the words out as he laughed hysterically at the memory. "And that was without him hiking his dress up and putting his knee on the table to get a better angle at least five times" he grimaced which only made Sharon laugh all the harder. "Jeez it was traumatising."

"Please tell me he wasn't wearing women's underwear too" she asked and immediately regretted it as she feared the answer.

He shuddered, it seeming to go from his hair and right down to the tips of his toes. "Other than a bra to keep his footballs in place I have no idea" he said and still didn't want to know what he had going on beneath his dress any more than he wanted to know what was going on beneath Provenza's that night.

"Footballs?" Sharon repeated.

"Yeah, for breasts" he confirmed and instantly making her laugh again since a couple of small footballs weren't exactly the roundest things he could have used to make up his more than ample bosom. "I know!" he cried. "You've got to wonder if Lydia has some weird ass shaped breasts going on under..." he started to say before stopping as Sharon smiled at him and wondered just how much attention he'd paid to the breasts of his colleague's wife in the past. "Not that I've ever looked at them or even thought about her breasts at all, ever, this is the first time and…"

"I think it's time that you stopped digging now" she told him with another smile.

"But I'm telling the truth."

"Hummm. Of course you are" she replied as she made it sound like she didn't believe a single word he was saying to her.

"Seriously!" he cried and protesting his innocence perhaps a little too much. She laughed at him and shook her head having tortured him enough for one early morning, meeting his lips as if to make sure he knew she was joking with him. "Anyway even with his own underwear on I still saw outlines of things I really didn't want to see when he lined up a shot to pot the eight ball in the corner." He shuddered again and inevitably made her laugh loudly which was one of the reasons why he did it. "I just remember this young college kid who hadn't seen his face when he arrived and was too drunk to notice what was going on in there and walked right up to him to grab his ass" he told her to much laughter again. "God he wanted so badly to cuff him to the bar."

"The young man or Chief..."

"Taylor" Andy confirmed as he continued to laugh. Sharon shook her head with a look of mock confusion. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking, with your utterly fabulous legs on display why would anyone hit on Taylor instead?" She smiled at him, her hands trailing up and down the backs of his thighs for a moment, her nails scratching him as she moved to the inside of his thighs and edged ever closer to his groin.

Andy laughed even as his skin started to break out into goose bumps from her fingernails dragging along his flesh. "Has no one ever told you?" he growled at her. "Flattery will get you everywhere Raydor. Especially with me babe." She laughed at him before her hand moved to hook behind his neck and bring his lips down to hers, meeting in a heated kiss. It lingered for a moment yet again as their lips hungrily devoured each other's. Almost at once it crossed their minds that perhaps a frantic fuck somewhere frankly extremely uncomfortable may send them both off to sleep in a matter of minutes but it was never going to happen in there while Rusty was home and since both weren't in a hurry to go anywhere, they were more than content to end it right there with some panting breaths, smiles and holding each other tightly instead.

Andy kissed the top of her head as her cheek pressed to his chest. "Back in the day when I was still married and relatively sober most of the time…" he said before he paused, "well during working hours anyway, Sandra and I use to go out to dinner with them a lot."

"Who? Russell and Lydia?"

"Yeah, two couples with kids roughly the same age, you know." Sharon nodded having had a couple like that when she and Jack first married and had Emily, spending a lot of time with them and their young daughter. "But as time wore on we sort of drifted apart, you know how these things happen, when you get a divorce your friends find themselves in the position where they have to take sides and you're forced into dividing up the friends like you divide up the record collection."

"Records?" Sharon laughed, Rusty having looked at them like they were speaking a foreign language when Andy mentioned selling his record collection since there was no real room for it at the condo. "These days it's more like fighting over who keeps the Netflix account."

He laughed and nodded in agreement. "How glad I am to be that much older and extremely happy."

"Me too" she confirmed, leaning up to kiss him again. "So what happened?"

"After the divorce they chose me. Well I guess Taylor chose me" he laughed. "Lydia on the other hand didn't have much of a choice in the matter and was more on Sandra's side of things as you'd expect but she was outvoted primarily because of work, so she then decided to try and poison me with some pumpkin soup."

"What? She poisoned you?"

"Not intentionally" Andy shrugged, the bowl of soup she had reluctantly given him when Taylor invited him over for something to eat a week after Sandra filed for divorce, not the freshest and in combination with his hangover soon had his head down the toilet.

"As far as you know" she joked.

"Right" he laughed. "We had some good times together as a foursome before I went and ruined everything." He rolled his eyes at himself and she felt compelled to kiss him, not because he was after any sort of sympathy because he wasn't, he had long since fully accepted that he was solely to blame for the breakup of his family. Instead she did it because she wanted to offer it to him regardless because despite the way he continued to beat himself up over it, he could not be any more different to the man she first met some twenty plus years earlier who had so successfully managed to ruin his life and the lives of his family. "We went to Catalina a few times with the kids, spent a couple of nights camping" he told her before he laughed at one memory in particular. "One night, I think it was the third time we went there for the weekend, I guess I had too much to drink after dinner around the campfire as usual and I don't actually remember going to bed at all but I woke up the next morning in their tent."

"Where were they?" she asked as she laughed.

"They were right in there with me" he stated almost proudly. "In a moment that still haunts my nightmares on a regular basis, almost as much as Sharon Stone trying to murder me does, I woke up with a start and found myself spooning Taylor's legs." They laughed as Sharon's hands instinctively moved from his backside and to the back of his legs again. "My head way way too close to his ass."

"I'm beginning to sense a pattern here."

"What? Me drinking too much and ruining life for everyone I love?"

"No" she stated categorically before kissing him on the lips as an attempt to remove that thought from his mind immediately. "I meant you waking up in bed with one of your male co-workers" she laughed since it had also happened on Provenza's last but one wedding night. "Is there anything you'd like to tell me Andy? Any secret you'd like to get off your chest before we unpack your stuff and the move is finally official?" she teased.

He frowned at her. "Very funny. You're hilarious."

She laughed at his reaction, Andy quickly joining in with her. "Well why did you end up in their tent to begin with?"

"I don't know." She looked at him rather sceptically for a moment. "Honestly I have no idea. I was drunk, it was dark, I got turned around trying to find the flap to our tent I guess, I don't know. The real question is how did neither of them feel me or hear me climbing in with them and getting comfortable?"

"Not to mention your snoring and how freakishly hot you are."

"Yeah well Taylor did wake up sweating profusely. I couldn't look him in the eye for close to a week after that" he revealed in anything but an exaggeration as she laughed again, wishing she was going to be able to have the chance to ask Russell about it herself.

"Where did Sandra think you were?"

"I don't know. Eaten by a bear maybe" he shrugged. "By that point in our marriage she had begun to run out of patience with me, not that I blame her in the slightest" he said with a sad sigh, not wanting to trade Sharon and the life they were building together for anything because the love he felt for Sandra when they got married was nothing compared to how he felt about Sharon but he still wished it hadn't ended the way that it had with so much bitterness and hurt feelings. "Still it was good while it lasted. They were good times."

His head dropped for a moment, the regret never likely to leave him precisely because he was so happy twenty five years later but also because he had let his relationship with Taylor fall apart too but Sharon soon raised his chin with her fingers, slowly pressing her lips to his. "Regardless my darling, it didn't matter what had come to pass between you, all these years later," she said as she stroked his cheek with her fingertips, "he was still your friend at the heart of it all. You only needed to see his face when we told him we were dating to know that."

"Beneath the awkwardness" he joked.

"Right" she laughed. "Indeed beneath the intense and almost agonising awkwardness," she added in anything but an exaggeration before they laughed again, "he was still your friend and he loved you and he was very happy for us." Andy nodded, hoping that was the case rather than certain of it, praying almost that Taylor had departed that world thinking of Andy as his friend. He went to reply, went to say something along the lines of 'I hope so' but he quickly changed his mind, still not wanting any attention on himself because he was sure he'd be okay in the end, as long as he still had the woman in his arms and she was okay, that was all he was going to need to survive.

They returned to just holding each other in silence, Andy's hands gradually creeping higher and higher up her back to hold her to him, her cheek pressed against his chest until she let out a long, slow sigh, sounding more fed up with life than upset. "What's on your mind?" he asked like she had asked him earlier before he kissed the top of her head, his hands going down her back again so that she could pull back and look him in the eye if she wanted to.

She sighed again as she shrugged, her chin quickly coming to rest on his chest as she looked up at him. "I'm just thinking about tomorrow or," she paused as she looked at the watch on her wrist (its presence on her person as she climbed into bed a clear indication that she knew she wasn't going to sleep), "or a few hours from now I guess. Work. Work is on my mind right now."

Work. That four letter word that covered so much for their division, hell the whole of the Los Angeles Police Department right then. The bodies had kept piling up and yet they still didn't have the faintest idea what was going on and how or why. They didn't even know if they'd identified all of the players involved before they could begin to piece it all together but Andy had complete confidence that they would in the end. They never gave up on an investigation, not once and the personal nature of the horrific crime they were taxed with solving ensured that they would go to the ends of the earth to get those responsible for it on death row. Together they would solve it but there was one aspect of it that had started to worry Andy given what Sharon had told him that night.

"Listen," he said as he took her hands in his and he shifted their relationship to one that was slightly more professional for a moment give that she had brought up the subject of work and there was something he desperately needed Captain Raydor to hear, "I want you to do me a favour Captain if you wouldn't mind."

"Captain?" she questioned as she laughed. Before Andy had chance to respond she pulled her hands from his, tugging on his t-shirt until he lowered his head and allowed her to kiss him on the lips. When they parted she wrapped her arms back around him. In what was a shock to both of them they had found working so closely together while dating to be not quite as difficult as they first feared, handling it with ease on the whole so she saw no need to let go of each other just because Lieutenant Flynn wanted to ask his Captain a favour, Sharon being more than able to divide her attention as she held her boyfriend but spoke to one of her subordinates, especially since they were in their own living room and not at PAB as they did it. "What can I do for you Lieutenant?"

He looked at her seriously, that gorgeous smile he normally wore when he looked at her nowhere to be seen as he let her know that for once he wasn't using her rank as a way to get her into bed or make her laugh or anything like that. He needed to talk to her about a serious matter at work and he wanted his Captain's undivided attention away from PAB and before it became an issue. "If we have to do it again over the next few days, if we have to speak to her again I want you to delegate the job to someone else" he told her. She frowned back at him, not having even the faintest idea what he was talking about. Andy sighed as he realised he needed to be much more direct. "Sharon, babe, I don't want you talking to Wildred Darnell again" he said simply.

"Andy..."

"No just listen to me for a minute please." She nodded her compliance even though she wasn't exactly thrilled by the topic up for discussion but did it for him anyway. Andy paused before he sighed, looking for the right words. Although he hadn't been there at the time, firstly Provenza had informed him that Sharon had a brief meeting with Wildred in her office when she demanded to speak to her while he was otherwise occupied and then both Julio and Amy had been to have a quiet word with him when time permitted, both of them telling him just how upset she was by the whole experience. Feeling emotional at work, a case or a victim getting to them was not unusual at all and Sharon was no exception (for example she couldn't help but have a lot of sympathy for Owen Holland when he spoke about the death of his only daughter and explained his reasons for taking out a hit on her psychiatrist, Sharon having no qualms about letting the tears appear in her eyes as she spoke to him in an interview room) but the level of emotion they saw when Wildred left their Captain's office had them both concerned about her wellbeing, concerned enough to tell Andy what had happened so that he would be more prepared to help her when they eventually managed to go home. As such it had been at the back of his mind to ask her to not talk to her again, giving him or Provenza the job to do instead because he knew it wasn't going to do her any good since she was already mentally fragile and that was before he woke up to find her frantically cleaning in the middle of the night.

"I'm saying this to you not just as your boyfriend because I love you and I don't want to see you upset by it but also as your Lieutenant too, I don't want you to talk to her again Captain."

She knew immediately what must have been happening behind her back but knew it had come from a place of love and concern and therefore had no grounds to be mad about it. "Have you been talking to Julio and Amy?" she asked as she searched for an answer she already had. She paused as she waited for a response but none came. "Andy."

Realising that the conversation wasn't going to go anywhere until he confessed all, Andy rolled his eyes before he answered. "Okay they may have spoken to me about you a little earlier but," he said before he shook his head when he realised that Sharon was about to interject, "it really doesn't matter who said what and when and to whom, they only did it because they're worried about you too, like I'm worried about you. Sharon sweetheart, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I really understand all that you're feeling about shooting Dwight right now because I don't but that doesn't matter, if you're truly feeling this guilty or rather not feeling guilty about killing her son even though you had no choice in the matter whatsoever then I don't want you to talk to her again." He brushed a lock of her hair back behind her ear again, the smallest gesture but it was yet another sign of how he took care of her in any way he could when she let him. "Please don't torture yourself, it's just not worth it babe."

She smiled with a little chuckle, unable to help herself. She knew Andy only had her best interests at heart but despite his very best efforts he still couldn't grasp what her problem really was, that she felt guilty simply because she didn't feel guilt for what she'd done. That being said Andy did have a valid point not that she was even going to admit it because regardless of how she felt, she still had a job to do. "Andy but what if we have to talk to her again?"

"Then we have to talk to her again but you'll be watching it all on the monitors in Electronics instead of the Interview Room." Andy could tell just from the look on her face that she was still incredibly reluctant to even consider stepping down in that way but that didn't mean he was going to give up trying to convince her. "You have three Lieutenants at the disposal, one clearly a hell of a lot more handsome, charming, funny and talented than the other two combined," he said with all the arrogance he had lost over the last ten years or so which was precisely why she found it so funny, "plus two Detectives and a Buzz to do your bidding as and when you like." Once again she laughed with a little nod before he kissed her on the lips. "Sweetheart, if you're ever going to start to feel better about it all then for your sake you need to stay as far away from her as possible, for both of your sakes even."

She smiled sweetly up at him. "Andy don't think that I don't appreciate the thought because I do, I really do my darling boy," she confirmed with a kiss to his lips as her hands groped his ass, "but that may not be exactly realistic."

Andy smiled at her response, mainly because he expected to be told how she didn't need him to look out for her at work again, she'd been doing that all on her own for long enough but much to his surprise she didn't. "Maybe not, you might be right and the fact that you were the one that actually pulled the trigger may get her to talk more than the rest of us can but again I'm not saying this to you just as the person who loves you unconditionally, but as an officer under your command, I don't think it's going to do you any good talking to her again if you feel this way." She sighed as she looked away from him, staring into the distance until Andy's finger on her chin drew her back towards his eyes. "You know I'm right about this. You'd say the exact same thing to Amy or Julio or Mike or even me if it was any one of us feeling this way." She nodded with a sigh as she conceded his point but was still utterly determined to do it herself regardless if they did indeed need to speak to Wildred Darnell again. "Right? You'd never dream of sending us in there because you know it wouldn't be good for us." He paused while he waited for her to digest that thought. "Just promise me you'll think about it at least? Please?"

"Okay" she nodded. "I'll think about it. I promise" she added despite having already given it all the thought she wanted to and had dismissed it as an option out of hand.

"Is this an 'I'll think about it' like you said you'd think about stopping using my razor to shave your legs in the shower of a morning or is this an 'I'll think about it' like when I ask if you fancy an early night and the trademark Andy Flynn swirl?" he asked as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Sharon laughed. "I don't use your razor any more" she lied. "I haven't done it in...weeks."

"Oh yes you do Raydor and it's more like days rather than weeks just so you know. You've just got better at covering your tracks and drying it when you're done."

Caught once again she shrugged. "Is it that big of a problem? Really?"

"Only when it blunts quicker than usual and I either end up going to work with a thousand and one cuts on my face like I've shaved with a piece of broken glass or with huge patches missing" he told her and making her laugh. "Last week Provenza compared me to a hamster on Rogaine" he added rather grumpily as she laughed again.

"Have you ever grown a beard?" she asked as a way to distract him while she rubbed her hands across his face, the stubble already present scratching her palm in a way she actually rather enjoyed, especially when it was on other rather more sensitive parts of her body. "I bet it would only take you about four hours to grow a good one." She laughed again and despite his best efforts Andy had no way of stopping himself from joining in with her especially because the conversation, despite how serious it had started, had once again resulted in her smiling, laughing and joking.

"Are you trying to change the subject by any chance?" He smiled at her before he answered. "No. No I have never grown a beard or even considered it." He ran his hand across his face. "I always thought I was hairy enough without one. And you?" he asked, wanting to finally get an answer to his request about Wildred Darnell.

"No I've never grown a beard" she replied flippantly before she laughed, getting a frown back from Andy despite the smile on his face. "And I promise you my darling," she said as she put her hand across her heart, "I will never use your razor to shave my legs again."

"Good. And?" he encouraged, still searching for the response he wanted.

"And I will think about not talking to Wildred Darnell again if it's at all possible" she told him even though her thinking on the subject was already done and she'd dismissed it, seeing it as her responsibility to talk to her regardless of her own personal feelings.

"And?"

"And I will go and see Father Stan in the morning."

"Good" he replied, sounding satisfied if not entirely convinced that she would follow through on all of her promises. He kissed her on the lips before nodding "Thank you."

She smiled, desperately trying to suppress her laughter as she spoke. "You're so demanding and authoritative all of a sudden." She kissed him on the lips again only this time it was long and slow, her tongue seeking entry into his mouth before caressing his softly. "It's a bit of a turn on if I'm honest" she winked before she kissed him again.

He laughed when they finally broke apart, Andy always getting turned on to the point of blindness when she ordered him about in the bedroom but this was the first time she had responded the same way. "Oh really?" he asked before she nodded and kissed him again. "Well if there's one thing I've learned it's that I need to be much more demanding and authoritative if I'm going to keep making deals with the master." She laughed as he pulled her back to his chest, holding her even tighter as she responded in kind. He pushed his lips to the top of her head over and over again as he held her, his way of reminding her that he was still there, still alive and with no intention of leaving her alone, only stopping when he finally spoke. "I know you probably don't want to hear this right now given how you're feeling about everything but believe me, I am so very proud of you Sharon" he told her with the emotion clear in his voice as he continued to kiss the top of her head over and over again. "I've never been prouder of anyone in my life as I am of you right now." She sighed against his chest and he knew that he'd made her cry yet again but it needed to be said regardless, she needed to hear him say it. "I feel like my chest could explode I'm so unbelievably proud of you." He waited a moment before he forced her to look up at him, kissing away her tears before he kissed her on the lips. "And I'm not proud just because you saved my life in that courtroom yesterday but because despite everything that's happened and despite how you're feeling as a result of it you've dealt with it like a pro." He kissed her again. "I am so proud of you. So so proud babe."

She buried her face back into his chest for a moment as she waited for her tears to dry up again before pulling back, desperate to see his face, tracing it gently with her fingertips. "Why did it take so long for me to find you?" she asked.

He took her hand from his cheek and kissed her palm. "I have no idea, my desk was close enough to your office" he joked and making her laugh. "I guess you weren't looking hard enough." She nodded as she laughed, never imagining twenty years ago that the sweetest, funniest and most caring man she'd ever met in her life lay hidden behind that impeccably dressed smug and arrogant exterior. Eventually Andy shrugged at her. "You had to wait for me to stop being an asshole first I guess."

She laughed and joked "You know that's never really bothered me."

"Thanks." They laughed as they went back to just holding each other. Andy waited as he searched his brain for the next thing he could say to her that would make her smile, always seeking the next distraction even while still discussing the last and then inspiration hit. "Hey, do you want to hear something funny?" She pulled back to see his face, smiling brightly at him with expectation. "While you were with Behavioural Sciences and cheating on your test..."

"I didn't cheat on my test!" she protested again.

"Yeah whatever Raydor, you forget that I know you too well by now. I know when you're faking." She laughed as he winked at her, as of yet not having any cause to fake anything with him with the exception of liking one of his shirts and that awful John Wayne doorstop that was hidden amongst his as yet to be unpacked belongings. "Anyway as you may have already heard from the LAPD and Major Crimes very own resident vlogger in chief," he said as he alluded to Rusty in his unofficial capacity which instantly made her laugh, "while you were spending the morning with Behavioural Sciences and cheating a little on your test we had a visitor drop by the Murder Room looking for Buzz."

"Jenny Edwards. Yes, Rusty mentioned that she'd stopped by."

"Right but did he also tell you who she asked for when she arrived?"

"Buzz?"

"Not quite" he replied as he couldn't help but smile at the memory and Provenza's over the top reaction in particular. "She walked in there looking for and I quote 'Detective Watson.'" Without needing to be told anything else Sharon laughed, knowing exactly what reactions were sent Buzz's way as a result. "Provenza's jaw nearly hit the floor when he heard her and Buzz scrambled to his feet to push her towards the Break Room" he told her as they laughed merrily together. "He repeated it so loud. You've never heard any two words shouted quite as loud as 'Detective Watson' was this morning" he said as they laughed again. "I thought he was going to have a heart attack."

"Who? Lieutenant Provenza or Buzz?"

"Both actually" he confirmed as they laughed again. "It was definitely a highlight of what has been an incredibly crappy day."

She sighed as her mind was brought back to Dwight and she thought about work and the mountain that still lay ahead of them. "Do you ever wonder why we still do these jobs?" she asked.

"Because you're better at it than anyone else in this department. Plus, without it, without work we definitely wouldn't have each other" he rightly pointed out. She slowly smiled in response and kissed him, feeling as close to retirement as she had ever been in her life that evening but Andy was right, without work they would most definitely not have found each other all those years after first meeting. "Right?"

"Right" she agreed, stroking his face again before she kissed him. "And that alternative universe is simply unthinkable." She kissed him again, being thankful until the day she died that her life had taken such an unexpected turn for the better at a point where she hadn't exactly given up but more accurately had assumed that part of her life was over and she would never find the love of her life because she knew it certainly wasn't Jack. She pressed her cheek to his chest again and took a deep breath as Andy continued to kiss the top of her head, for so long resisting having his arms wrapped around her but just having the scent of him invading her senses gave her a sense of peace that she had never felt before. "Rusty is still absolutely desperate to go and see Dr Joe" she told him after another period of silence, not telling him anything he didn't already know.

"That's perfectly understandable."

"I know but I feel so awful telling him that he can't go and see him."

"Is Provenza still going to see him tomorrow?" Andy asked after a moment or two.

"Yes. Hopefully he'll be a bit more alert and focused than he was when Amy went to see him yesterday. Fingers crossed he might be able to shed some light on Dwight's Father one way or another" Captain Raydor told him with more hope than expectation in her voice.

"Then send the kid with Provenza" Andy suggested with a shrug. Sharon looked up at him with a beaming smile on her face, her pride and joy evident. Without trying to be or forcing himself into that position or even being conscious of it himself, Andy had turned into the co-parent Sharon had not had since the first time Jack left when Emily was just two years old. Over the years since she had welcomed Rusty into her home with open arms she had appreciated the help of both Provenza and Buzz when it came to offering the young man words of advice and giving him someone else to talk to when he didn't want to bother Sharon (especially when his Mother first put in an appearance and he wanted some advice and money to buy her an electric toothbrush) but it was different with Andy now. He was her partner in every single way imaginable, in the good times and the bad and she hoped that Rusty appreciated him too precisely because he never forced his views or his help on him but still he was always there for him regardless. "Provenza can keep an eye on him and just seeing Joe with his own eyes is surely going to put the kid's mind at ease a little."

Sharon continued to smile at him before she simply said "Okay."

Andy winked at her, a little smile of his own tugging at his lips. Although Sharon welcomed his input at any time when it came to her children and adored just having him there to help after she'd done it on her own for so long, Andy had no intentions of pushing his opinions or his advice on her about Rusty, making a conscious decision about it very early on in their burgeoning romance. Andy knew full well that he was never going to have the same relationship with Rusty as Sharon did or even Provenza and Buzz for that matter despite the fact he now lived with him (and not just because of the way he initially reacted to him when they started dating). He also knew he would never share the decision making process either when it came to him and the more challenging moments of his life (although Sharon had in the past frequently come to him for advice and to talk to him about any concerns she had with Rusty when his Mother first reappeared in rehab with extremely dodgy prescriptions and also when she discovered the true extent of the threatening letters being sent to him). However there was no denying that he was now officially Rusty's Step-Father in waiting and that was enough for Andy in the long term. He was happy, thrilled even when he could offer Sharon advice when she came to him especially when he had hardly been Father of the year himself in the thirty plus years since his children were born. He had missed so much of their lives, something that kept him up at night if he allowed it and it was something that he was going to regret for the rest of his life so he savoured the small amount he was able to help with Rusty. Despite how old the kid was (although in some ways he was a lot younger in his years and much older in other ways due to his troublesome childhood) getting the chance to parent again, even in a small way, was an added bonus in his relationship with Sharon, one that he hadn't really anticipated or expected, a bonus that pleased him as much as it pleased Sharon.

"Meanwhile from listening to them talk on the phone I'm pretty sure Gus thinks that Rusty is crazy because he's not dealing with Joe's death at all" Sharon said with more than a little guilt that she was essentially forcing Rusty to lie to his boyfriend.

"Which obviously he isn't because he doesn't have to."

"I know but I've told Rusty to keep it to himself for the time being and I think he's going to. I trust Gus obviously but until we know why Joe was shot first, the fewer people that know he is alive the better" she added and making it clear that it was purely about Joe's safety rather than anything else. Andy nodded in agreement before she returned her cheek to his chest and closed her eyes, continuing to feel better by the second just having Andy's arms around her. He continued to kiss the top of her head until suddenly it snapped up and she gave him the stink eye, pinching his backside rather than her hands just resting on it. "Did you tell Julio to bring those rats into the Murder Room this afternoon?" she asked as she continued to glare at him. Andy laughed instantly which prompted her to jab him in the chest with her finger, taking his laughter as a sign of his guilt. "You did didn't you?"

"No, no, I promise" he said as he continued to laugh which only served to make it look like he was lying. "It was nothing to do with me."

"Really? Because you can see why I'd be suspicious" she said as Darth Raydor quickly put in an appearance and continued to glare at him. "We have a conversation last weekend about my fear of rats and you promised you'd never tell anyone about it and then suddenly there are half a dozen dead rats in evidence bags on his desk. What a coincidence!"

Andy laughed again as the image of Sharon walking through the Murder Room with her hand up to cover her eyes so that she didn't catch sight of them on Julio's desk and almost knocking Provenza flat on his ass popped into his mind. "I know but I swear it had absolutely nothing to do with me" he insisted, his continued laughter making his words seem highly unlikely. Sharon scowled at him with disbelief which only served to make him laugh once again. "Babe, seriously, I wasn't even there when Julio found them. I was out the front of the building trying to stop the gaggle of knuckleheads in attendance from rioting as they heaved various glass bottles at my head because they were being evicted."

Sharon's annoyance vanished in a flash and she looked at him with a lot of concern as he let slip once again how he had come under attack at Nazi World but had kept it to himself. She again studied his face for any signs of injury as she said "They did…"

"Nothing hit me!" Andy cut in quickly before she had chance to fully panic. "I'm fine, I'm fine" he told her before he pulled her against his chest again and kissed the top of her head. "There's no need to panic about it, I'm absolutely fine."

"That's much easier said than done when people are throwing things at you when they're not trying to punch you."

He shrugged as if it was nothing. "It comes with the job."

"That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"No one expects you to sweetheart."

Silence fell again until she remembered what she had been asking him before they got side tracked. "You really didn't tell Julio about my rat issues?" she asked, still far from convinced.

"No. I didn't. It was a just a coincidence. I promise babe" he assured her, it being the truth as he kissed the top of her head again while his hands stroked up and down her back. "Your secrets, all of them, are very safe with me" he promised as she looked up at him, allowing him to push his lips against hers again. "Your fear of rats, either dead or alive. The way you snort uncontrollably when you really laugh hard at something. The way that blush slowly creeps up your chest and neck when you're ogling me to within an inch of my life although to be honest I suspect a lot of people already know about that one just from watching you stare at my ass at work all day long." She laughed as she pinched his backside. "That little contented sigh you make in your sleep when you roll over. The way you secretly like to break all of the rules with the best of them" he teased as she laughed at him again. "The reason you got the nickname 'Burning Fire O'Dwyer' in college was because..." He paused as he waited and hoped that she would fill in the blanks for him, pausing in hope more than expectation. Instead she just smiled at him, refusing to be tricked so easily. He shrugged. "Oh well it was worth a try" he said with a sigh as she laughed again. "The fact that you had to wear an eye patch and a riding helmet as a little girl to correct a lazy eye which led to the most perfect nickname I've ever heard, 'Red Beard.'" He laughed at that while she hid her face in his chest out of embarrassment. "But regardless you were still the most adorable little girl I've ever seen" he stated which made her smile up at him again as he continued. "The way you hiccup like an otter having a screaming orgasm," he revealed with the amusement clear on his face as she pinched his backside again, "only it lasts at least a thousand times longer." Sharon laughed again as she shook her head. "What? Am I wrong here?" he asked. "The way you rode your first real boyfriend right into surgery meaning that I take my life into my own hands every time you have your wicked way with me" he admitted and then received the pinch of his knee that he expected. "The way that you love to sleep shop for the most random items. And because of all that, that you've trusted me to share and keep all of those secrets and then some, that I am indeed the luckiest guy alive."

She smiled up at him once more, tapping her lips with her finger and prompting him to drop his against hers. "I love you" she felt compelled to tell him again.

"I love you too." He kissed her again before she returned her cheek to his chest, closing her eyes and just enjoying the way he held her. A few minutes of silence passed by again before he kissed the top of her head, Sharon now feeling much calmer and still in his arms again, the tension in her body almost completely gone and seeming on the whole a hell of a lot better than when he found her an hour earlier. He pressed her lips to her forehead. "How are you feeling now? Better?" He kissed her forehead again before she moved her chin to his chest and looked up at him. He knew that an hour of cuddling and talking to him had not taken away all of her problems or killed all of the demons in her mind but at least she was no longer bottling it all up and hoped that talking about them with him had eased them a little or at least made them seem more manageable.

She smiled up at him, looking like a completely different person to the one he had found an hour earlier. "Much" she confirmed before she lifted herself up slightly to kiss him on the lips. "Thank you" she added and kissed him again.

"But you're still going to see Father Stan tomorrow morning aren't you?" he encouraged.

She smiled and nodded again. "Yes. I'll call him in the morning and see if he has time to speak to me after Mass."

"Good and I could even drive you there if you like?"

"Making sure I go?" she questioned. He smiled at her and shook his head. In truth it was partly to ensure that she actually went but also because he wanted to take care of her and the time it took him to drive her there and back may give her some much needed time to think about everything without having to concentrate on the road. "No that's fine I can drive myself. I appreciate the offer Andy but we can't afford to lose both of us for an hour at work so I'll drive myself."

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I am" she confirmed. She held him tightly again, resting her forehead on his chest as she sighed before looking up at him. "I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what? What have you got to be sorry about? Huh?" he asked sweetly before he kissed her on the lips and cradled the back of her head.

"For this" she replied with a shrug as she gave him a less than convincing smile but that was the point. "This isn't much of a moving in together honeymoon period is it?" she pointed out before they both laughed, the last couple of days not being anything like they'd envisioned in a perfect world. "With everything that's gone on over the last couple of days for you to contend with already and then I go and lock you out on the balcony in your underwear too. I'm so sorry."

He laughed. "Forget about it" he told her before he kissed her forehead. She didn't smile back up at him and he could see that she was still mortified by her actions an hour earlier when she locked him outside to get him away from her when all he wanted to do was offer some comfort. "Hey the way I see it is this, you can't have a honeymoon period unless you unpack first and I can't see that we'll have time for that anytime soon so this is just the pre honeymoon period before I get time to unpack and the real honeymoon period kicks in." She laughed and nodded with Andy always having these things worked out in his mind. "Like a filler or a place holder. When this is all over and we've got the assholes that planned this and we've given Taylor the send-off he deserves, you can clean out the closet and I'll unpack and then the honeymoon period starts for real. Okay?"

"Okay. That sounds like a plan to me."

"Good and it'll give you time to prepare yourself for what is sure to be the most epic and toe curling sex marathon of your entire life" he promised which inevitably made her laugh again. "Hey I'm not joking here Raydor" he cried as if he was taking great offence at her mirth. "This is no laughing matter. And let's be honest here, if this whole moving in together honeymoon period is anything like the one we had last Christmas when you finally got your grubby little paws on my body for the first time and refused to let go again then you're going to need to carb up in preparation, you know like you're training for a marathon."

Sharon laughed. "Are you sure it's a marathon and not a sprint?"

"Well that all depends on if I've taken my blood pressure medication that day or not." She couldn't help but laugh again as he waggled his eyebrows at her before kissing her long and slow on the lips, a promise of what was to come in happier and less stress filled times when work settled down. "And when the honeymoon period is over and you're starting to get sick of the sight of me because you're on the brink of orgasming to death..." he started to say but stopped when she laughed again. "Hey don't laugh at that, it's a real thing. It happened to a girl who was dating a guy I know."

"Was that guy called Andrew Benito Flynn by any chance?"

"I couldn't possibly say." He put his hand across his heart. "I am, as you very well know and we've already discussed this evening, the very king of discretion."

"Okay" she laughed before she kissed him.

"So anyway when all of that is done and dusted, I've unpacked my stuff, the paperwork is done on the house and this place and your persistent UTI has finally gone after a mountain of antibiotics," he declared to yet more laughter, "then maybe, just maybe we might finally be able to get those few days away too."

"Assuming that I haven't orgasmed to death before then?" she laughed.

"Naturally" he confirmed as he moved her hair away from her face. "By that point, by the time this is all over I think we're both going to need a few days away from it all."

She sighed. "If it's ever over."

"Oh it'll end believe me. We will work this out, I promise you of that. We will solve it, even if it takes until I retire to do it, will get the son of bitch that planned all of this." She smiled up at him and chuckled. "What? What's so funny?"

"No it's nothing," she shrugged casually as she laughed again, "it's just suddenly you're the optimistic one out of the pair of us."

He laughed and nodded. "Well you had to start rubbing off on me eventually, it was only a matter of time." She laughed at him. "Hey do you know what comes before the honeymoon period?"

"Tell me."

"The first dance." She smiled up at him, blushing a little as he made her stand up from the table, moving her a few steps away from it before he pulled her into his arms so that they could dance. She smiled at him as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him before he started to sing. "In the wee small hours of the morning, while the whole wide world is fast asleep," he sang, pausing while Sharon laughed happily since he always seemed to find the right song to fit every occasion no matter what, "you lie awake and think about the girl and never, ever think of counting sheep. When your lonely heart has learned its lesson, you'd be hers if only she would call, in the wee small hours of the morning, that's the time you miss her most of all. When your lonely heart has learned its lesson, you'd be hers if only she would call, in the wee small hours of the morning, that's the time you miss her most of all."

As Andy's song came to an end they stopped dancing and she cupped his face to kiss him. "I love you Andy Flynn."

"I love you too Raydor" he winked before he returned her kiss with interest.

"What did I do before I had you here to sing to me all the time? Every time I need it to make my world that little bit brighter?" she asked as her hand travelled slowly down his face and neck, caressing him gently, with her hand eventually coming to rest on his hip.

"And even if you don't want it" he joked because he'd become well acquainted over the previous twelve months with her classic 'I swear to God Andy, if you make one more sound I will murder you' look from Sharon when he'd been trying to distract her by using all of the tools at his disposal while she battled his singing and his smoulder to do laundry or balance her chequebook.

"I'll never not want you to sing to me" she declared.

"I need to write that down somewhere" he laughed.

Sharon laughed and nodded at him before she softly pleaded "Please never stop singing to me" as her hands returned to his face, stroking his cheeks.

"Your wish is my command."

"My fabulous but fallen choir boy" she joked and making him laugh.

"Fallen?"

"Were you or were you not kicked out of the choir for paying a prostitute to buy you and your little friends a smutty book?" she asked with a smile, in Sharon's opinion that being the very definition of 'fallen' without all of the other missions of mischief he got up to as a boy.

"Yeah okay" he replied not at all begrudgingly with a smile since by his own admission he was a complete and utter monster as a boy. "But to answer your question, what you used to do before you had me to sing to you was, you used to terrorise all the poor unsuspecting hungover Lieutenants in the department." Sharon laughed having anticipated that response from him. "Then you usually ate at least five live mice from a cage under your desk as you were reprimanding whichever poor guy was wrongly accused of using excessive force that week. Crushing dreams and being a general pain in the ass" he said with a grin and getting a laugh in response rather than his knees coming under attack.

"Oh I see, that's very interesting" Sharon replied and sounding just like she did when she was humouring Chief Taylor for a brief moment before telling him in no uncertain terms why he was so unbelievably wrong about everything. "Personally I think I was just waiting for you to clean up your act a little and ask me out on a date." She grinned at him as he laughed and slowly nodded, conceding her point. She sighed again as her hand continued to stroke his cheek. "I don't know what I'd do without you any more" she told him honestly for the second time that night, never needing anyone but now that she had him she had no idea how to be alone anymore and quite frankly she just didn't want to.

"Well that's something I hope you don't have to worry about for a very long time" he told her before he kissed her on the lips. "Or at least that's my goal in this life" he confirmed as he pressed his lips to hers again, letting it linger. With her mind and her lips distracted Andy tried his best to subtly nudge her in the direction of their bedroom without her noticing what he was doing so that he could at the very least get her to lie down in bed if not actually go to sleep. Sadly Sharon was on to him immediately and became ridged in his arms, like a toddler going into full starfish mode as their parents tried to get them into a stroller. "Come back to bed. Please" he begged, kissing her again when he realised he wasn't going to get her to move unless he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder, something he was going to be unable to do with his niggling shoulder injury.

"I can't" came the immediate reply. She looked so sad as he stared down at her that it all but broke his heart. It didn't take a genius to work out that despite looking and sounding a hell of a lot brighter than she did a couple of hours earlier, she was still worried about going to sleep and the dreams that would plague her for all the same reasons as to why she felt guilty. The problem was she saw so many dead faces when she so much as blinked let alone if she attempted to sleep. She moved out of his arms and edged towards the kitchen again to resume her cleaning once she had made him go and get some sleep himself, not wanting him to stay up all night just because she couldn't sleep, as equally worried about him and his need for rest as he was with her. "Go back to bed, I'll be fine."

Andy remained rooted to the spot, crossing his arms in front of himself and with no desire to go anywhere without her no matter how tired he felt. "I can't leave you out here alone."

She couldn't help but smile at him. It wasn't a big deal in terms of grand romantic gestures or massive sacrifices, just staying awake with someone to keep them company because they couldn't sleep but it was to Sharon. It was something that Jack never would have done not even when they were first married. He probably wouldn't have even gone to look for her that night let alone try, despite the continued resistance, to make her feel better. It was just one of the many reasons why she loved him. "Andy my darling," she started to say as her hands moved to cover her heart, "don't think that I don't appreciate it because I do, I really really do but you can leave me out here" she insisted. "I'll be okay and I would feel so much better if you went and got some much needed sleep yourself."

"No can do I'm afraid" he stated emphatically, going nowhere without her. "If you're staying up then I'm staying up." He stepped over to her in a flash and immediately reached out and pulled her against his chest. No matter what she said he was not going to leave her alone for one main reason, not sleeping would be fine but he knew she'd be continuing her kitchen cleaning rampage the moment his head hit the pillow if not before. "Maybe I can help you clean the kitchen. It won't take as long with the both of us." He sounded genuine enough but he had no intention of cleaning anything. He knew she wouldn't want him to do that, to relax instead because of how tired he clearly was if he was going to insist on staying up with her which was precisely why he said it, knowing she would settle on the couch with him instead in order to stop him.

"Oh no. No way" Sharon replied instantly, no more likely to allow that to happen than she was to go back to sleep herself.

"Why not? I know how to clean a kitchen" he stated with the milk explosion and the dead rat behind the fridge in his former home clearly contradicting his statement.

"That's not what I was saying but rather as you've already reminded me once this evening, you promised to clean it from top to bottom in nothing but an apron and a smile from now on in exchange for letting you move in and since we can't rule out Rusty making another appearance tonight that's not happening" she grinned at him as she playfully slapped his cheeks, that not being the real reason but it was still valid.

Andy's smiled beamed at her as he nodded, Sharon's reaction to that particular topic of conversation, him being naked in the kitchen, so much different to an hour earlier and was yet more proof that she was feeling better about life. "I thought me being naked in the kitchen was unsanitary" he reminded her, his eyebrows waggling.

Sharon laughed before she kissed him on the lips as yet another apology for the way she had spoken to him when he first came to look for her. "I've reconsidered the situation now that I'm thinking a lot more clearly and I've had my boy try to make everything better" she told him before she kissed him again. "Thank you for everything" she told him, each word punctuated by her lips pressing against his. "Thank you." He nodded in response, not of the opinion that he needed to be thanked for simply taking care of the women he loved when she was suffering but accepted it anyway. "Please go and get some rest" she begged.

Trying to draw the matter to a close and send him back off to bed she kissed him one last time before she went back into the kitchen to finish cleaning the cupboards, unable to leave it only half done even though she was a lot calmer than when she started. With the kitchen clean she would then be able to watch TV on the couch and relax rather than continuing to clean anything else. Andy watched her for a moment, more determined than ever to get her to abandon the task altogether if he could. He thought for a moment about the best way to achieve that and which didn't involve what Rusty would undoubtedly call 'inappropriate physical contact in the communal areas' since he too expected to see him again before too long to check that Sharon was okay now and to also ensure he wasn't locked back out on the balcony again. In the end he settled on what seemed to be the most obvious option available to him: attempting to clean himself and therefore getting her to drop what she was doing to stop him while he edged her ever closer to the couch.

Andy moved to the cupboard by the fridge and pulled out a dustpan and brush. Sharon just stared at him for a moment before she asked "What are you doing?"

"Well you won't come back to bed and you won't let me help you clean so I'm going to do some cleaning of my own." She smiled at him, immediately reminded of Emily when Ricky wouldn't let her borrow his Action Man because Barbie was having a party in her Dream House so she stole one of Action Man's jackets and put it on a wooden spoon instead. "See how you like them apples Raydor" he cried triumphantly and more than a little smugly as she laughed.

"You could try unpacking some of your boxes if you want something to do, or at least stack them a little more out of the way" she suggested, knowing that he couldn't really unpack until she had a serious cull of her wardrobe first. "I stubbed my toe again when I got out of bed."

"Well you know what the moral of that story is don't you?"

"Clean out the closet before your boyfriend moves in with you so that there's room to hang up all of his clothes right away?"

"Well that too babe but I was going to say something more along the lines of you should stop sneaking off in the middle of the night."

"Once. I've done it once" she replied since Andy was making it sound like it was a regular occurrence.

"That's once too often in my mind sweetheart" he told her before he kissed her on the lips again. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some cleaning to do." With the dustpan and brush in hand he marched out of the kitchen with real purpose and headed straight to the front door.

Sharon watched him with amusement, following a few steps behind him to see where he was going and what he was planning on doing. "What are you going to do exactly?"

"I'm finally going to tackle the nest under this table" he declared as he pointed at it with the brush in his hand. The 'nest' in question was actually nothing more than a rather large dust bunny that was hanging from the underside of the table opposite the front door, a dust bunny that had only come to their attention when they had sat on the floor following Sharon's little breakdown after Elliot Chase had attempted to murder half of her division including Andy. The following morning when her composure had returned she was mortified that she had missed such a large ball of dirt and much to her shame (with work and the big step she'd taken with Andy distracting her) she hadn't thought about it since to remove it, it very much out of sight and out of mind.

"It's not a nest at all" Sharon protested mainly because she hoped to God that nothing was actually living in it. "It's just a…a…dust bunny" she insisted before she stepped closer to him and the aforementioned dust bunny, still keeping her distance in case it actually really was a nest (Sharon may not have feared bugs in the same way that she feared rats but that didn't mean she would welcome them running all over her body).

"Bunny? I don't think so babe" he laughed. "What we have here is a dust wildebeest or a dust elephant or something," he added as he pointed at it, "and it has to go, now." Andy slowly approached the table as if he was worried about making too much noise and waking the monster that lay within before he crouched down to look at it, his knees cracking and making him groan like always as he lowered himself to the ground. Sharon followed to get a closer look at it too but still kept her distance, curious as to what it actually was since she'd pretty much forgotten all about it but with no desire to actually tackle it herself. Andy continued to stare at it from his crouched position, keeping a safe distance and in the back of his mind he wondered if a thousand tiny spiders would run out of it and into his ear before he had chance to move if he poked it.

"Well?" Sharon asked after three or four minutes passed by with Andy just staring at it from his relative safe distance. "What are you waiting for?"

"Well considering that, after closer inspection, it looks less like a dust bunny and more like one of those eggs from Alien, I'm waiting for something to leap out at me and attach itself to my face first." Sharon laughed, Andy's habit of being prone to over exaggeration never failing to amuse her. "You don't think anything is actually living in it do you?" he asked.

"There's only one way to find out."

"I'm going to poke it." He stood up again as he turned the brush around in his hand, holding it by the bristles rather than the handle so he could nudge it but before he could edge back towards it he moved to position Sharon in front of him as he jokingly attempted to use her as a human shield. "Stay right there."

Sharon laughed. "You'd better not be using me as a human shield Andrew Flynn" she warned him.

"No of course not. As if I would!" he protested with great exaggeration. "But if anything runs out of there when I poke it I'm going to throw you at it to keep it occupied while I go and get my gun" he joked. Once more Sharon laughed hysterically at him, that noise being music to his ears as her mood continued to improve by the second.

"Meanwhile I get eaten" she reminded him as she pointed out the flaw in his plan.

"Only in the time it takes me to pop off a few rounds." Sharon laughed as she turned around to face him, her hands coming to rest on his hips after she had tried and failed not to touch him. "Hey if we're really lucky one bullet may ricochet off the table and end up clipping Mrs Rose through the wall" he joked and getting the laughter he expected. "Although thinking about it, what are the chances that she laid this?"

Sharon laughed and nodded again. "Pretty good I imagine."

"Although it's far more likely to be Hobbs than..." Before Andy could go any further Sharon's mouth dropped open and she slapped him around the back of his head. "Ow! What was that for?" he asked innocently.

"What do you think?"

Taking his life into his own hands Andy asked "Are you seriously telling me you don't think Andrea sleeps hanging upside down from the rafters in a cocoon, eating small children for breakfast and laying eggs after she's devoured whatever guy she managed to trick on a date with her the night before?" Sharon instantly slapped him around the back of his head again in defence of her friend as she tried very hard not to laugh and therefore encourage him. "Ow! Stop hitting me!" he whined for effect rather than in any real pain.

"Then stop abusing my poor friend."

"Hey she was the one that threatened my balls, not the other way around remember."

"Your balls need threatening from time to time to keep you in line" she told him with a smug smile that usually went straight to his groin. As if to reinforce her point her hand briefly slipped down the front of his boxers to pull them out, instantly releasing them so that the elastic snapped back against his waist while she laughed. She kissed him on the lips and then quickly turned them around so that Andy was closest to the nest and she could hide behind him when he turned to face the table again.

"Suddenly the amount of times you kick them in your sleep makes perfect sense."

"I've done it once."

"That I've told you about" he said with a wink.

"Abuse one of my closest friends again and you won't need to tell me. I'll kick them so hard they'll be swollen to the size of basketballs" she promised him.

Andy laughed, believing what she said because he already knew just how hard she could kick and that was only in her sleep. "Trust me you don't need to kick me to make that happen, I just need to put your underwear on again for a couple of hours." They both laughed again as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close as she gazed into his eyes, the way he could so easily make her laugh being exactly what she needed from him that night and given how she felt for many nights to come too before it was all over.

"I love you Andy Flynn" she told him once again, unable to stop herself.

"I love you too" he replied before he kissed her softly on the lips. "Which is why I think you should stand behind me and as far away from danger as I can get you while I poke this nest and see what runs out." He turned around in front of her to face the table, his left arm slung behind him to make sure that she didn't move into the line of fire. He stooped a little lower and moved to poke it with the brush handle before suddenly standing and turning back towards her again. "If any of Andrea's children leap out and eat me in a moment, remember that I love you." She laughed at him as he stooped again to poke it only to suddenly stop. "And tell Nicole and Dan I love them too" he added before trying to poke it only to stop a third time. "And Rusty."

Sharon laughed and pinched the back of his knee. "Will you get on with it."

Andy stood bolt upright as he faced her, his hands on his hips. "You really can't wait to see the back of me can you? You actually want me to have my face eaten by Andrea's children."

"Well rather that than have to empty my closet out to accommodate you" she joked. Andy's jaw hung open with mock offense as she laughed at him, finally kissing his mouth closed. "I'm only joking, my big brave protector" she told him before she kissed him again.

"Okay. Are you ready?"

"I was ready five plus minutes ago." Andy nodded as he turned to face the table yet again, crouching down on the floor before he very slowly and very carefully edged the brush handle towards the offending object that continued to dangle between the table legs. Just as he was just about to poke it for the first time he shouted with alarm as if he was being attacked and making Sharon instantly shout with fright in response. "Andy!" she shouted as one hand clutched her chest and the other smacked him on the back while he laughed hysterically, realising that he was just doing it just to frighten her. "You idiot you scared the hell out of me!"

"I was just making sure you were on your toes that's all" he said as he continued to laugh like it was the funniest thing ever, forgetting all about not wanting to wake Rusty. "Okay here I go."

Once again he crouched down and edged the brush handle ever closer to the 'nest' except on that occasion he finally did poke it very gently. Regardless of how slowly and gently he moved it didn't stop him from shouting at great volume like a monster had leapt out at him again the moment he came into contact with it and once again making Sharon do the same thing instinctively. The 'nest' fell to the floor and broke apart to reveal nothing of note and confirming Sharon's suspicions that it was in fact just a giant dust bunny that had been caught in a cobweb and not a baby hatched by a local DDA. Before either had chance to say anything about it Rusty came marching out of his bedroom with a face like thunder and irritated to say the least. He stood in front of them with a scowl on his face and panting for air as if he had just run up from the ground floor, his way of expressing just how ticked off he was to be woken once again, especially because they clearly weren't arguing but actually laughing. Rusty's scowl only increased in intensity when Andy and Sharon made no attempt to stop laughing despite his presence, the young man becoming even more annoyed by the second because he was woken less than five seconds after falling asleep again, something that hadn't been easy given everything that was going on inside his head that evening and that was before he discovered Andy locked out on the balcony and Sharon cleaning as the tears fell from her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing now?" Rusty asked, raising his voice slightly so he could be heard over the noise as they continued to laugh.

Unable to stop laughing and if anything laughing even harder as Rusty continued to glare at them, Sharon hid her face against Andy's back, unable to answer him. Andy shrugged and simply told him "Cleaning."

Although the grumpy expression never left his face, Rusty was actually relieved by what he'd found in the living room the second time he'd ventured out of his bedroom that night. When he heard them both with raised voices and shouting but without hearing what they were actually saying, he had worried that they were in the middle of a heated argument or perhaps she'd locked him out on the balcony once again. He'd gone back to bed the first time extremely upset to see his Mom in a state of such distress (her being able to hide it from him successfully over the years when the actions of Phillip Stroh had reduced her to tears) but just over an hour later, not knowing they were laughing until he stepped foot into the living room, it was like she was a completely different person. She had a smile on her face and she was laughing, her arm around Andy and everything on the surface of it seemed okay again even though he knew it probably wasn't but it was a start at least and the healing had begun. It was in that moment that Rusty once again appreciated Andy being a part of their lives more than he'd ever be able to express. But he wasn't going to say that to them, he had been woken up yet again and by (from the looks of it anyway) Andy being a moron and Sharon laughing at him, him being a bad influence on her once again in his opinion so the frown remained.

"Then what's with all the noise?" Rusty asked.

"Don't blame me, blame your Mom" Andy shrugged as if he taken a vow of silence and all the noise was down to Sharon shouting and laughing and corrupting him rather than the other way around.

Sharon pointed at Andy as she stayed relatively hidden behind him. "He started it" she told him and sounding like she was in trouble with a school teacher, blaming the boy who tried to lift up her skirt during recess as the cause of her violent outburst.

"I don't care who started it! It's nearly four o'clock in the morning" Rusty shouted loudly as he pointed aggressively towards the darkness that remained outside the windows as if the pair of them had somehow forgotten that it was still the middle of the night. "You should both be asleep. I don't want to hear any more about cleaning, or shouting or locking people on the balcony in their underwear" he ordered them. "Go to bed and go to sleep. Both of you! Now!" he told them sternly like he was channelling their respective Fathers and they'd been caught pilfering the liquor cabinet on prom night. Rusty turned with a dramatic huff and headed off back towards his bedroom, not really expecting them to go to sleep, while Andy had clearly got the situation under control and he was thrilled to see his Mom looking and sounding so much better, it was clear that sleep was still going to elude her but he hoped they would at least attempt to keep the noise down. If he was being completely honest he was glad they'd accidentally woken him again because seeing Sharon smiling and laughing and nowhere near as distraught as she'd looked an hour earlier meant that he could attempt to go back to sleep with one less thing to worry about.

The moment Rusty was gone they started to laugh uncontrollably, sorry that they'd woken him but amused nonetheless that they'd been told off like that for the first time since they were in their teens. "We've just been told off by Dad" Andy said as they continued to laugh.

Rusty's door immediately opened again and he knew what Andy had said without even having to hear him, Andy forever calling him 'Dad' when he complained about any excessive noise he was making. "And stop calling me 'Dad'! It's not funny!" Rusty shouted.

Sharon laughed again while Andy composed himself enough to reply. "Yes Dad. Whatever you say Dad! Sorry Dad!" Andy shouted back at him. Seconds later they heard his bedroom door close again despite how much they were laughing, Rusty smiling and chuckling to himself as he climbed back into bed, relieved that Sharon was so much better and that Andy (despite being as annoying as hell) was by her side to take care of her when she was struggling, especially when he could do nothing to help her himself.

Sharon remained behind Andy, still laughing as he removed what remained of the 'nest' on the floor and poked at it with the brush handle. "Well I hope Andrea has laid more of these because this one hasn't survived" he said, giving it a couple of whacks with the handle in case anything was alive in it.

"You know I'm going to tell her what you've been saying about her" she laughed.

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because she'll threaten my balls again."

Sharon shrugged at him, not seeing that as a reason to keep quiet. "That's your problem not mine boy. As I've already told you, they need to be threatened from time to time" she said once again as she waggled her eyebrows at him and laughed at his distressed face before she hugged and kissed him. "As if I would allow her to lay a finger on my boy and anyway you don't have to worry about Andrea. She's all bark and no bite."

"That's not helped" he replied with wide eye alarm, his hand instinctively moving to cover his crotch. "Now I'm worried about her biting them off." Sharon laughed at him as he swept up what remained of the dust bunny into the dustpan before he dropped it into the bin. With the dustpan and brush put back in the cupboard again he turned to see Sharon behind him and reaching for the cleaning cloth. "I don't think so pretty lady" he said quickly as he took the cloth off her and tossed it into the sink. Before she had chance to protest he took her hands in his and tried to pull her towards the bedroom. "Come to bed."

She sighed and he knew it was never going to happen no matter how much he begged her. "Andy..."

"Sharon please, you've got to get yourself some rest." He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, the concern for her written all over his face. "You're no good to anyone if you're exhausted, especially yourself."

"I know but I'm just not tired. You go, I'll be fine out here on my own."

"There's no way I'm leaving you out here alone and cleaning all night." He thought for a moment or two before he smiled. "Come on" he said as he began to lead her to the couch by her hand. "If we're going to stay up we can at least find a movie to watch while we do it. Who knows it might even make you sleepy." Andy sat down on the end of the couch closest to the kitchen and picked up the TV remote as he put his feet up on the table. It was a move that usually annoyed the hell out of Sharon as did people sitting on the coffee table (always thinking about what her Grandmother used to say on the subject: 'The table is meant for glasses not asses') but she knew he was only trying to make himself comfortable so he could keep her company all night. She smiled as she sat down next to him, preparing to curl into his side but Andy had other ideas. "Lie down, come on." He patted his lap and Sharon didn't need to be told twice. She lay down with her head in his lap as he took her hand in his. With both of them comfortable he turned the TV on and began to flick through the stations until he found a movie that they would both find acceptable, eventually settling on Only Angels Have Wings. "Here we go, perfect" he said as he put the remote down and moved his free hand to her back, very slowly rubbing up and down as they both watched the film. "You know if we had a TV..." he started to say after several minutes of silence.

"Give it up!" Sharon cried before he had chance to finish. "I've offered to move the spoons but you weren't interested. So that's it. We are never having a TV in the bedroom. I don't want you watching Sports Centre while I'm trying to put a move on you."

"Like that would happen." Sharon looked up at him with a frown and he quickly conceded that she had a more than valid point and he would undoubtedly spend many nights falling asleep in front of Sports Centre rather than while talking as they usually did. "Yes ma'am."

They watched the movie in silence for a few more minutes while Andy stroked her back with one hand until Rita Hayworth appeared on screen for the first time since they'd been watching which made Sharon look up at him instantly. "Maybe he'll say it in this one. She is called 'Judy' after all" she shrugged.

"I've told you he never said it" Andy replied as he shook his head. "Not in any of this movies. It must have come from a Tony Curtis impression or something."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. He never said 'Judy, Judy, Judy.' Well not in a film anyway" Andy told her with great confidence.

"When we retire we'll have to watch all of his movies and find out for ourselves."

He smiled down at her. "That sounds like a plan" he agreed before he lowered his head and planted a kiss on her forehead as his hand returned to stroking her back again, an attempt to make her go to sleep. "But what happened to Flynn and Provenza Pet Detectives when we retire?" he asked. "I was going to start looking for an office for us to rent" he joked to inevitable laughter. "Have you changed your mind?"

"Yes. I want to spend our retirement doing whatever we want, when we want."

"I see. And what does that involve exactly?"

"Anything," she replied, "as long as I get to do it with you." She turned her head slightly to look up at him before she tapped her finger to her lips. Andy took the hint immediately and lowered himself to enable him to kiss her long and slow on the lips.

"I think I could be persuaded to get on board with that idea" he smiled. She laughed at him, assuming as much herself as they both talked about and planned a future retirement one day that involved them doing nothing but catching up on all the time and adventures they missed out on when they were younger as their marriages ended. Both of them with a long list of things they wanted to do when they no longer had work to occupy their time, all of them things they wanted to do with each other.

Andy kissed her again, Sharon's hand going up and into his hair for a moment before they turned their attentions back to the TV, her head in his lap as they held hands and he slowly stroked her back. Five minutes or so of silence fell between them before she pushed her lips to his knee and whispered "I love you" just loud enough for him to hear.

It was about the tenth time she had told him that since he climbed out of bed. It had almost become like a compulsion for her that night. Andy was alive. Andy was alive and unharmed. He was still there with her more by luck than judgement, the randomness of that sending a chill down her spine whenever she thought about it and she could not stop thinking about it. She still had him and that made her want to tell him how much she loved him as many times as she could while she still had the chance, neither of them knowing what was around the corner for either of them, living their lives to the fullest while they still could.

"I know. I love you too."