All characters except for Annabelle Causley and Frederick Randal Laskaris and a few others belong to Stephenie Meyer…and, of course, the writer is not receiving any profit for this story whatsoever.

This story starts three years after Jacob heads to Italy to rescue Annabelle in the GoodAs Gone AU. Technically, this is not a sequel to Good As Gone but it does take place in that alternate storyline.

AN: Thank y'all for the wonderful reviews! Hilja, once again, yours made me think and ponder the possible different outcomes to the story as it develops. In all honesty, it freaks me out how in tune you are to how this story is developing. It's like you're, at times, reading my mind. Anyway, thanks for the amazing review. Keep sending them my way! They help me focus.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Eight Months Pregnant

The ocean waves broke against the pebbled shore, the sound loud and discordant. It made Leah think of pain and loneliness. That was why she spent so much time at First Beach, because she felt less torn, less alone. Like she had company in her pain, as if nature itself understood and echoed the constant tearing and breaking of her soul.

Leah sighed as the breeze moved over her, bringing with it a faintly familiar earthy smell, causing the tears to well up in her throat. Swallowing hard, she moved her hands over her big belly, a small smile coming to her face as she tried to imagine what her baby would look like.

"You don't smile enough."

Leah looked up into Sam's face, her smile turning sad and slightly pensive, "Not much to smile about when I feel like I'm barely hanging on."

"Yeah, I've been there."

Leah stared out at the setting sun as Sam lowered himself to the ground facing her. She was sitting with her legs stretched out, her back resting against a large smooth log.

"Sam, I want to ask you something personal."

"Go for it."

"What was it like," Leah turned to look at him with her deep sorrowful brown-green eyes, "When Emily first said no to you. When she rejected you."

Sam sighed as he thought back on that dark period of his life, "It was…absolute hell. A black hole of loneliness and pain, which I fell into. A bottomless pit with no ending to the everlasting drop. It was this…aching gnawing pain; like I was missing something very vital…I could actually feel my soul tearing, if you know what I mean."

"Kind of," Leah ran her fingers through her hair, her eyes welling up with unwanted tears, "I still remember how much it hurt when he told me to leave, to give him his space. It was…death while still alive, you know?"

"Yeah," Sam crossed his legs, leaning his elbows on his knees, "Like you're breathing but it hurts so much, you'd rather stop."

"Exactly," Leah wiped her cheeks, crossing her legs and leaning forward, "I literally felt my soul tear into pieces…it was excruciating…nothing like a broken heart. I mean, when you told me the engagement was off, my heart broke. But that was nothing to what I felt when he told me to leave."

"I know," Sam reached out to take Leah's hand, his fingers interlocking with hers, "Lee-lee, you may not believe me…but my heart broke that day as well. I loved you, Leah, and it hurt to have to let you go. But I couldn't be with you when my soul belonged to Emily."

"You know, I didn't understand how imprinting could separate the heart and soul of a person," Leah sighed, turning her head to look into Sam's dark eyes, "It made no sense to me to feel the love you had for me still there, but being overshadowed by something unexplainable you felt for Emily. But now…oh, now I know. Sam, if you met him…he's a selfish asshole. Sort of like Paul and we both know how I feel about Paul."

Sam chuckled, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear, letting him see the profile of her face, "I got lucky that Emily ended up being such a sweet girl."

"Yeah, you did," Leah bit her lip, rubbing her fingers against the corner of her eye, "But as we both know, I don't have the best of luck. I realized almost from the beginning, after we officially introduced ourselves, that if I had been a normal girl, I would have never been attracted to him. Granted, he's handsome but…arrogant, self-centered, selfish…an all around world class ass."

Sam laughed, squeezing her fingers before letting go of her hand, "Doesn't it hurt you to talk like that about him?"

"A little," Leah rubbed her hands over her pregnant belly, "But what's a little pain compared to everything else? Besides, the day I stop being honest is the day I die. I told him, you know…if I had a choice, I wouldn't love him. He then proceeded to tell me that he had a choice. I thought that once I told him about imprinting on him, he would realize that he loved me…but I didn't take into account that he had once been in love before…that he was still in love."

"What I don't understand Lee, is how you can continue, day in and day out. The week after I attacked Emily, I couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Most of the time, I couldn't even move. It took Emily coming to me to get me to join the living. I know your mom thinks you're depressed but me…I can't figure out why you're not."

Leah gave him a sad smile before hugging her arms around her belly, "I've been thinking about it. You know that black hole you fell into? I haven't fallen into it…but I'm on the edge. Something seems to be holding me in place, keeps me teetering on the edge, hanging in space. It's a horrible feeling, because I know the loneliness, the gnawing pain, the desolation and sorrow down in the dark bottomless pit…the knowledge of what's before me makes me feel…it's agonizing to constantly wonder when I'll be falling…if it'll happen when I'm not prepared."

"But what's holding on to you, Lee," Sam rubbed the back of his neck, "I can't figure out what could be holding you in place."

"I've figured it out," Leah's eyes twinkled slightly as she watched Sam give her a look she knew meant he wanted her to tell him…and quick.

"Well?"

"It's my baby," Leah rubbed her hands over her stomach again, "He's a part of him. Although I left him, I brought a part of him with me…I'm not completely cut off from my imprint…I'm carrying some of him with me…but the idea…of giving birth to my baby…of being separated from him…scares me. I'm afraid I'll spiral out of control once he's born…that I'll finally fall into that pit…then what am I suppose to do? How can I be a mother to my baby if I can't be emotionally present? I can't do that to him…it's not his fault that his father didn't want me. And I want him, Sam. I want my baby. I want to love him, to raise him, comfort him…I want to be his mother, always there for him."

"Leah," Sam scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders, tucking her head against his chest as she cried, her body shaking as sobs wracked it. Closing his eyes, he tightened his arms around her, resting his cheek against the top of her head, letting her cry out her fears, "Sweetheart, calm down. You'll make yourself sick," pulling back, he lifted her face and looked into her sorrowful eyes, "We're here for you Lee. You're not alone. And neither is your baby. He's got a family waiting for him. And we're all going to hold on to you…hold you up…you're not going to fall into that pit because none of us are going to let you."

"Please," Leah hiccupped, scrubbing her hands over her face, "Please don't let go of me. Don't let me fall. I need my baby…and he's going to need me."

"You're not alone, Lee. Neither one of you are."

Leah nodded, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her light blue sweater, "I know…I know…but you'll have to remind me."

Giving him a trembling smile, she stretched out her legs and tried to push herself up to her feet. Sam jumped to his feet, laughing at Leah's frown at his agility before he reached down and took her hands, pulling her up, "You know you shouldn't be sitting on the ground when you can't get up. What would you have done if I hadn't shown up?"

"I would have waited for Jared…he's the one that makes the rounds right about now," Leah grinned up at him, letting go of his hands to rub her sore bottom.

Sam laughed, dropping an arm around her shoulders as he turned her towards her house, "I think it's time for you to go home. I don't want you to catch a cold."

"Oh please," Leah tugged her sweater close around her large stomach, "Like I could ever get cold."

"Still, don't want to risk the little munchkin. Besides, I think you need some food."

"I do."

Leah wrapped her arms around herself, moving closer to Sam's comforting warmth. Breathing in the earthy smell of the breeze, she closed her eyes as she leaned her head against Sam's shoulder, thinking back on their conversation.

Maybe…just maybe…she was going to make it…as long as she had her family…her people…her pack around her.

She just wished the pain and constant aching she carried inside her would lessen…but she had a feeling it was something that she would carry with her…and she knew begging whoever controlled her life that the pain wouldn't get bigger would just single her out for worst luck.

Looking up at the sky as they reached her house, she watched as the half moon slowly made its way across the sky.

He was out there…looking up at the same moon, thinking about what he had lost instead of her.

Leah bit her lip, holding back her tears as she looked away from the moon…the one thing that tied him to her.

She couldn't help but wonder if it tied her to him in the same way.

Or if he had already forgotten about her and moved on.