Author's Note* It is getting harder and harder to write this story. I am very happy to say that I am well on the road to being over my past and healed from those hurts that I am writing about. Which is what is making it so hard to write about this time in my life. I am so far removed from it that it is extremely hard to remember all the pain and sorrow. When I look back now I don't see the hurt, I see the strength it took. I don't see the black hole that was my soul, but the protection of God. I am living proof that it is possible to heal. To make more of your life then what was given to you. And I am here for anyone that needs help.

Chapter 35: Are You Ready?

Dom lay propped on his side as he watched Clara toss and turn in their big bed. Clara had been home for a couple of weeks and had been rather standoffish. A lot standoffish actually. As each day went by Clara withdrew a little more. Her eyes dimmed a little more. Her smile hardly came out these days and the laughter that Dom loved hadn't been heard since she had gotten back. Dom had asked her the first day she arrived back home how the trip went. Clara went so ridged that Dom quickly changed the subject and didn't ask again. Coley assured all of them that Clara just needed a little time, but Dom feared that Clara wouldn't stop disappearing into herself. A person could only handle so much before they were lost forever.

Clara's whimper brought Dom out of his thoughts. Dom looked down at Clara and noticed she was crying in her sleep again. It was the only emotion he saw from her anymore and Clara didn't even know she did it almost every night.

"CLARA!"

"CLARA!"

"DAMNIT CLARA! COME HERE NOW!"

Clara skidded to a stop on the newly refurbished hardwood floors in her living, one hand holding on for dear life to the light green bath towel covering her and one hand thrown out to help catch her balance. "What? What is wrong?" Clara shouted at Coley who was sitting on the couch.

Coley looked up at her with watery eyes and grabbed Clara's hand, yanking her down to the couch causing Clara to lose her grip on her towel. "Feel!" Coley said excitedly, placing Clara's hand on her small bump.

Within seconds Clara's eyes widened. "Is that what I think it is?" Clara asked, completely forgetting to hold her towel and placed her other hand on Coley's stomach.

Coley nodded enthusiastically. "I've been feeling little flutters, but today I could really feel them!"

A cough from behind startled both girls and they looked guiltily over at Vince.

"Not that I am complaining, but you might wanna put some clothes on Clar," Vince said with a smirk.

Clara was very confused until she looked down and noticed her towel slipped down to her waist, leaving her chest exposed to all. With a gasp she grabbed her towel and sprinted back upstairs.

Vince waited until Clara left the room to let go of the laughter that he had kept inside.

"You should have made your presence known," Coley told Vince coldly.

Vince shrugged and moved to take Clara's recently vacated spot. "It isn't the first time I have seen her naked and I highly doubt it will be the last. A body is nothing to be ashamed of. God created all of us."

Coley's mouth dropped open. She had never heard Vince talk about God before and the few times she had invited Vince to church he said no before she even finished. Coley had assumed that Vince was an atheist, which was a very big reason why she tried to talk herself out of love with him every night when she said her prayers. Coley may not be the best Christian herself, but she could not be with someone who didn't share her beliefs.

"You can close your mouth Coley. You are going to catch flies that way," Vince told her gently. His eyes on the other hand were telling a different story. They were so stormy Coley was surprised they weren't shooting sparks.

"But. You. I," Coley stuttered as she tried to wrap her brain around this new side of Vince.

"But, what? You thought I didn't believe in God because I refused to go to church?" Vince asked gruffly.

Coley nodded in shock.

Vince rapidly rose from the couch and ran his hands over his face as he tried to control his anger. He was very used to being judged. His tattoo covered body always garnered stares and his curt manners never won any congeniality contests. People continuously assumed the worst of him and he was all too happy to comply. If he was going to be damned for something he sure as hell was going to make sure he was actually doing it. Very few people knew about his relationship with God and those same people (Outside of Dom and Clara) had the same reaction when they found out. Vince should have been used to it by now, but it still stung each time.

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than being in a garage makes you a car," Vince finally whispered deeply.

Coley gulped and tried to regain her ability to speak. Before she could however, Vince went on in the same deadly, deep, calm whisper.

"I see more non-Christians in church than I see out in the streets. I get judged more in a church than I do anywhere else. I see more sin inside your pitiful little churches than I do in prisons. So do not preach at me that to be a Christian I have to sit in a pew every Sunday morning and listen to a person full of sin yell at me about how I live my life when I see that same person Sunday night sneaking around in a bar. My relationship with God is between me and Him. Not me, Him, and the world." Vince turned his full gaze on Coley. "Just because you are too afraid to think of me as something other than big, bad coyote doesn't mean I am less than human.

With his peace said Vince stalked out of Clara's house, completely forgetting what he had come for in the first place. Leaving a shell shocked Coley in his wake.

As the last ring of the door being slammed dimmed down, Clara left her place on the stairs and reclaimed her spot next to Coley. Clara picked up Coley's limp hand in hers and started to rub small circles on Coley's palm.

Neither of them talked for minutes until Coley finally turned to Clara.

"Did you know?" Coley croaked through her tears.

Clara nodded. "I have known for a while. Vince and I have had many long talks about God and church."

"But, you hate church," Coley stated confused.

Clara shrugged. "That doesn't mean I don't believe in God."

Coley sat still as her brain desperately tried to make sense of what was going on around her. She had never known Clara even thought about God. It wasn't something they had talked about since they were kids. Coley had just assumed that Clara hadn't changed her mind since she was 12. Coley huffed a little. There she was assuming again. The realization that she didn't know her family as well as she thought struck her deep in her soul.

Clara cupped Coley's cheek in her hand and turned Coley's face toward her. "Coley, baby. You have lived in your bubble for too long and I blame myself."

Coley yanked her face out of Clara's hand. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

Clara wasn't put off by Coley's mad face. She had seen Coley pee her pants in terror before, it was kinda hard to be intimidating after that. "Don't you get all huffy on me. I am trying to help you. Everyone has let you live in this bubble where everyone has stayed frozen. Where no one changes or has more to them than what they show. It's a defense mechanism on your part. If you don't really get to know someone they can't hurt you." Clara squeezed Coley's hands as she saw Coley's mind work over what she just said.

"I've watched you do so since I can remember. I really noticed it after your mom went to rehab for alcohol abuse when we were 9. You just froze and stopped trying. And I let you. "

Coley slumped against the couch as the force of what Clara was saying hit her. Did she really keep people at arm's length? That was Clara's deal not hers. Right? Coley was the friendly one. The one who liked everyone. The one who got along with everyone. Clara was the one who shut everyone out. She was the anti-social one. Right? Right?

Clara gave Coley's hand one last squeeze and stood up. "You should give Vince a chance. He just might surprise you. Now come on we are going to be late for your appointment. "

The weeks flew by and before any of them knew it, it was time for the wedding.

Dom prayed nightly that once the wedding was over Clara would come back. The empty shell that was now his girlfriend was killing him. Clara never talked to him anymore and they hadn't shared a bed in weeks. Clara had asked for space and Dom reluctantly gave it to her. Coley confirmed to Dom that this was typical Clara behavior. When the going got rough Clara faced it head on and alone. Clara was a survivor and didn't know how to depend on anyone but herself. Clara went through the motions each day, but she never really lived. It was hard to watch. It was the embodiment of loneliness.

Only Dom would make the trek with Clara back to Georgia. Coley had exploded over night and the doctor didn't think it was wise to make such a long and tedious trip. Brian had tried to convince Clara to let him come with her, but Clara held her ground. Bringing Dom was bad enough, bringing her long lost brother was sure to start WW3 in her family.

Clara had been bombarded on a daily basis from her family. This was her Mom's day. Clara was not to try and hog the spot light for any reason. One toe nail out of line and heads would roll. Well rather Clara's head would roll. Her family had made that quite clear. Didn't she love her family? Wasn't she tired of tearing them apart? Didn't she want them to love her?

Dom was sick of the whole thing and if it was up to him her "family" wouldn't be able to have anything to do with her. She was so much better than any of them.

Clara had barely been able to get the time off of work so the two touched down the morning before the wedding and were leaving the morning after.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Dom asked Clara as he watched her put makeup on at the bathroom sink of their hotel.

Clara met Dom's eyes in the mirror and shook her head. "Aunt Laura said it was for family only and since we weren't married you weren't invited. Charlie isn't allowed to bring his girlfriend either." Clara turned to face Dom. "Trust me when I say you are the lucky one. If I could get out of this I would."

Dom sighed and started to kneed Clara's shoulders the loose shirt bunching up under his hands. Clara had packed the ugliest and biggest clothes she owned. Her current outfit consisted of a mud brown shapeless shirt and loose khaki slacks with brown flats that had seen better days. Her hair had been pulled up and twisted into a bun that she usually reserved only for work and her makeup actually down played her better features.

Clara had told him once in a moment of weakness that Theresa had always made sure her hair was longer and wouldn't let Clara grow her hair out. Theresa also had Clara believing her hair was too thin to be long. The biggest bunch of bull Dom had ever heard. Clara's hair was so thick she could barely fit a hair tie around her bun. The first thing Clara did when she left was to refuse to cut her hair. Clara's hair was now half way down her back and curled slightly when left on its own to dry. The California sun had added golden highlights to her naturally chocolate brown hair.

All in all Clara had blossomed while out from under her mother's thumb. No matter how hard Clara tried to hide it. Her family would notice it in a heartbeat and Dom wanted more than anything to be there when they did.

Clara dodged his attempt to give her a hug, but squeezed his hand for dear life before she left. Fear all but glowing in her eyes.

The hours all but dragged on until the faint squeak of the door sounded in the small hotel room. Dom jumped off the bed and stood muscle tense as Clara walked in. Dom ready to find a tear soaked woman found….. nothing?

"How did it go?" Dom asked cautiously.

Clara shrugged. "It actually went pretty well. Charlie stayed by me the whole time and Laura ignored me. I actually had fun," Clara said in disbelief.

When Clara arrived at the restaurant she was fully prepared to be ambushed. Instead her Aunt Coco met her at the door and led her to the back room reserved for parties and sat her down at the end of the table next to her Nana and Papa and brother. There was a slight gap, then everyone else was at the other end of the table. It was a blatant display of separation, but to Clara it was a gift from Heaven. She spent the night catching up with her Grandparents and younger brother, who was oddly anxious to talk to her. Clara soaked in the love and didn't look down the table once. Her mom said hello to her and goodbye, but nothing other than that, which made Clara happy instead of hurt. The less words her mother said to her the less chance there was to be put down. Charlie actually asked to come back with Clara to stay the night, but Laura overheard and quickly dashed those plans. When Clara hugged Charlie goodbye she whispered that they would have all day tomorrow.

Clara all in all was floating on cloud nine. Maybe she had overreacted and overthought things. Maybe she and her family could finally get along. Just maybe.

As she drifted off to sleep next to Dom only happy thoughts played in her head.

She should have known better.