Authors Note:

We're coming to the end of things.

I wanted to spew out some facts that I forgot to add last chapter -

According to the March of Dimes, as many as 50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage - most often before a woman misses a menstrual period or even knows she is pregnant. About 15-25% of recognized pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. More than 80% of miscarriages occur within the first three months of pregnancy.

It isn't a strange or abnormal phenomenon and there are multiple factors that can cause this; improper implantation on the uterine wall, fertilization in the Fallopian tube, genetically inadequate fetus, too much or too little of a particular substance (Iron, Folic Acid) - to name a few.

ANYWAY.

They both are aware of the difference in their lifestyles at this point. With the end I wanted to reiterate without stating bluntly that Levi's goal is to eradicate the titans, even if it means his life, NOT to return home for some of that good ass and kids.

Do I think Levi could make it work with Bernell if he really wanted?
Abso-fuckin-lutely. However I think Bernell would never demand that kind of sacrifice on his end. She understands the creature that he is and wouldn't make or demand that he change for her. She loves him as is.

And I think you all are beginning to understand where this is going now.

He sat in silence in front of his fire, watching the flames claim the wood in burning embers and blackening bark.

Levi hadn't heard from her in a week. He didn't want to intrude, to force himself into the situation and - God if he had to admit it - he was scared. He was scared she didn't want him anymore. The enormity of what had happened, what had been taken from them, had ebbed and crested within him usually multiple times a day. It was an overwhelming thing to discover. Sometimes the idea was within his grasp.

He could be a father, he loved children. Had always wanted at least one of his own.

Other times the realization was suffocating.

He had almost had the life he had wanted, desired secretly. And it was ripped away before he'd been able to make that choice. Again.

He clenched his fist around the glass of whiskey, impulsively throwing it into the flames. The cup smashed against the back of his stove, the flames roared as they consumed the alcohol, slowly dying down to their normal size. He ran a hand over his face standing, pacing, admonishing himself. Violence had always been his instinctive reaction - his fall back. He wished it wasn't so, he had tried to rely on other methods but his emotions were so high, so consuming. They burned within him and he didn't know how else to manage them but to strike out as they demanded. Partially he blamed Kenny; the man had taught him how to hurt, how to win - never how to compromise or deal with emotions in a healthy manner. He could beat the shit out of just about anything. Levi looked at his hands, calloused, strong. He didn't know if he could be gentle enough to fix this. He stopped pacing, running a hand through his hair. He'd have to cut it soon. It was beginning to bother him.

"Fuck." He hissed, grabbing his boots by the door and pulling them on.

If she wasn't going to him, he'd go to her.

Bernell sat on the couch, cup of tea in hand, laughing at Gabriel's antics. Lisa sat beside her, Jennifer sitting calmly next to her mother.

"So," Lisa interrupted Gabriel's show, drawing Bernell's attention, "How are we today?"

Bernell took a drink, savoring the warmth that slid down her throat. "I'm okay. The bleeding stopped days ago." She frowned, "Sometimes I'm sad or upset." Ezra nuzzled in closer to Bernell's side before jumping off the couch and wrestling Terra to the floor, blowing raspberries on her toddler tummy. "Mostly I've moved on. I-I'm afraid to confront Levi about it." She admitted, playing with her cup. "I'm not ready to end things."

"Then don't." Lisa offered flatly. "You're over analyzing things. Bernell, if ever a man like him was in lo-"

"Don't!" Bernell cried, interrupting Lisa. "Don't say that. Please." She felt her nose burn with welling tears. "I-I don't want him to-" She sighed heavily, shaking her head. "You don't understand. He's chosen a different life and all we would do is... distract him. Every day he's out there," she motioned beyond the wall, "he is risking his life. His attention has to be all in or he dies. I couldn't- I couldn't let myself, our family, what we feel for one another, be the cause of that. It would kill me, Lisa. I-I love him. So much."

Lisa frowned, shaking her head. "What you're saying doesn't make sense. If you love him so much then you should be with him, not cutting him out of your life."

Bernell shook her head. "You don't understand how complex this is-"

"If you're just running away, or cutting him out because you're scared - because of what happened to Tom-"

"Don't you dare compare this to Tom." Bernell seethed, standing in a flourish of emotion. Her vision blurred as her anger flared. "Tom was everything Levi is not. He was torn between his family and his duty, he had the unique ability to afford that lifestyle. We were as much a constant in his life as he was in ours. He didn't risk his life for weeks at a time, months on occasion. Levi... is so..." she deflated, falling back to her seat. "Levi is so much... more the soldier. Maybe, at one point in time-" She shook her head. "He wanted to open a tea shop." She smiled a weak, sad thing. "Can you imagine civilian Levi with his dried herbs and porcelain cups?" Bernell sighed, "I can. It would have been marvelous, having him that way I mean. Not because I don't admire and respect the man he is, but because then I could have what I wanted."

"Which is him." Lisa's voice added softly.

"Which is him." Bernell's voice broke, "but he's a soldier first. Does that make sense? I could never ask him to choose us, to choose domestication. Not that I think he's incapable, but because his profession is everything. It's his whole life, it's... I can't take that away. I can't divide his loyalties."

"Then don't." Lisa worried the finger tips of her gloves as she spoke, thinking, "Just enjoy what you both have. When it comes time, and there will be a moment - a very defining moment - you'll know what to do." Lisa laid a hand over Bernell's fist. "I'm happy that you feel for him this way. I'm glad he makes you happy. And- well it's a rather wicked thing to say now that I know, but Erik has been inquiring after you."

Bernell shook her head, "I thought he was engaged?"

"I thought so too." Lisa shrugged, standing, "I suppose she ended things."

"Really?" Bernell rubbed her forhead, "Odd. He was quiet charming when we were a thing."

"Except for him speaking for you." Lisa reminded her from the kitchen, "Oh! Speak of the devil. No, not that one." She caught Bernell's confused look. "Levi is on his way over. Should I-" She motioned to the children.

"Would you mind?" Bernell rose, "I need to... I need..."

"To apologize?" Lisa offered, "To tell him how you feel?"

"Yes. To everything." Bernell wrung her hands, "Oh you don't mind? I feel so guilty."

"You really haven't neglected your parental duties, darling." Lisa assured her friend. "I'm surprised you've found the time to be with him while managing these wild things and your job."

Bernell took Lisa's hands in her own as Levi knocked on the door. "It's because I've had you. You're amazing Lisa. Thank you."

Lisa smiled, "You flatterer. Don't do what I wouldn't."

Bernell rolled her eyes as she opened the door.

"Not much of a recluse." Levi quipped as they walked in the sun towards the community garden.

"I was waiting for you to give me pointers on that, actually." Bernell responded. "How does one correctly use the words "fuck off"? Your installment of aloof is artistic in it's callousness."

He looked up and away from her for a moment, then swung his gaze back to her. "You genuinely think what we have isn't natural or... mutual?"

She paused, "It's not that Levi. I was... I was hurting and I- I came to a lot of realizations." She put a hand on his arm. "I know what you were going to say that night. While you were gone all I could think was - which is silly, because I mean, it's you - but all I could think was what if I never saw you again and I never had that. For me. I know it's selfish, and I know that I can't... I can't force you to choose and I feel-" She took a deep breath. "Levi, I love you. As well." She gave a wan smile. "It's odd. You're the opposite of Tom in all the obvious ways."

"Was that an insult?" He raised a brow, his mouth coming dangerously close to a real grin.

She smiled, shoving him lightly. "But underneath it, all that old crotchety man nonsense, you're so like him. Caring, loving, gentle."

They rounded the path, walking back towards the houses.

"If things had been different, if I hadn't been recruited-" He closed his eyes, "I would like to think I would have married you. That Terra would have been mine."

Bernell clutched her hands tightly. "But you were recruited."

"I was."

"And...?"

He sighed at her prompting, nearing his house. "Come inside? Be with me?"

She hesitated, "You didn't answer my question."

"I think we both know the answer." He eyed her, "You didn't answer mine."

She smiled as he opened his door, hand outstretched. "I think we both know the answer." She parroted, grasping his fingers.

Her legs rested on his shoulders, her hands tangled in his hair as he laved at her. His fingers gripped the flesh of her thighs tightly, pinning her to limit her bucking and twitching. Her fingers worked rhythmically against his scalp, quickening as she reached orgasm.

"Levi!" She cried, "Levi-"

He rode out her orgasm with her, only stopping when her fingers relaxed and slid down to her stomach. He pulled back, kissing his way up to her navel, his eyes never leaving her body. She blushed and turned away.

"I dreamed of you almost every day I was out there." He whispered, pushing her legs apart and positioning himself at her opening. "Your hair," he thrust into her. She gasped and moaned, "The way you feel on me. Around me. Your smell. Your skin. Your laugh. Your eyes. Your mouth." Every sentence was punctuated by him penetrating her, savoring her.

She fit him, she felt right against him. The need burned at his resolve until he pounded into her at a nearly punishing pace. Bernell had locked her legs around his back, her arms wrapping around his shoulder and pulling him against her so that there was no escape from the sensation of her skin against him. He grit his teeth; he'd wanted to last longer but every damnable thing she did seemed geared specifically to seduce him further. He quickening breath, her soft sighs, the way her body tensed beneath him. Even the way her nails bit into his skin and how her eyes were closed in ecstasy. He wanted to burn this moment, these sensations into him. For later, for when she- Her mouth, wet and warm, laved at his ear, her teeth sparked against his skin as they slid down his neck, her nails lit flames as she dragged them down his back, as she sunk her fingers into his ass to push him deeper into her. She arched against him in a wordless cry, burying her face against his neck, biting down on his shoulder to muffle her cries. He followed quickly, pushed over the edge by the simple sexuality of her. He pushed into her fast and hard as he came, his body tightening as he erupted into her, reveling in her; wet and willing and receptive.

He pulled back onto his elbows, peppering her skin with little kisses and licks and nips.

"You should stop that unless you plan on finishing what you've started." She teased, completely serious.

He loved that too; that she was always ready and receptive to him. "Will you always be this insatiable when I come back from an assignment?" He asked, rolling to the side, pulling her with him.

"Of course." Her voice was like music. "What last time was six weeks and this time was eight?" She frowned. "If I only get to see you a couple weeks between assignments I'm going to use you for everything you can give me. Beggars, choosers, whatnot." She was silent for a while. "It's nearly August, Levi. I doubt the Lords remember me anymore. Am i still technically a prisoner?"

He shrugged out of her grasp, reaching for his clothes. "I'm not sure. Sometimes someone will ask for an update on your status. I can inquire further, though that will take some time. Why?"

"I was wondering..." She took a deep breath, sitting to face him. "I was wondering if we could be... official. I want to... well, I mean. One day, when you're ready for it and all. If we could-"

He gave her the look, the one he always gave her when she brought it up. "Bernell, don't rush it. Don't force it."

"It's been nearly a year. We shared a child, no matter how brief." He sighed heavily, "I just..."

"I know you want something normal." He stood, pulling his shirt on. "Being with me will never be normal. It can't be. There will never be a grand wedding, there will be more months where you won't know if I'm alive than there will be of us together. I want to give you more and I'm..." He turned towards her, "I'm working on it. But I need you to be patient."

Bernell rose on her knees, kissing his chest, running her fingers over his skin, tracing his scars. "I'm trying Levi."

He fisted his hands as heat flooded him, as his desire and his duty warred. "You make me want to stay." He hoped the statement would be enough. At least for now.

She didn't say anything, though he caught her self satisfied smile. And the sorrow underneath. It would always be this way. He would always choose his duty, he had no other choice. He was humanities strongest soldier, he was an Ackerman. The selfishness, the weight, of walking away was an impossible guilt to carry.

Levi snapped his line, momentum holding him against the tree long enough for him to pull his blades, spinning the left one so that the edge faced outwards. With precision he launched his line. The hook implanted against the far end allowing him to deliver a killing blow to the back of the titans neck. The best fell in a plume of steam, the blood on Levi's uniform evaporating as he moved to the next titan.

It was a disaster, their formation was shot to hell, soldiers fleeing everywhere way to avoid the swarm of titans.

It was usual activity for the beasts. This area had been cleared already, yet there seemed to be an influx of activity - almost as though they were waiting to ambush. It rose questions and Levi dreaded the animated conversation Hange would be pushing on them all later. He twirled in the air, changing directions abruptly as another flare lit up the sky.

Black.

Abnormal.

His gut twisted as he launched up the titans arm, planting himself on its shoulder.

"I'm going to kill all you miserable fucks." He growled, prepping his blades. "And when I'm done I'm doing to scatter your limbs and bones."

The monster beneath him tilted. Levi moved, spinning again to slice its neck. His horse pranced beside the falling body, racing forward and neatly catching his master as Levi swept into the saddle, not bothering with reins or stirrups, using his thighs to guide the animal beneath him. Its flaxen mane flew, its long dark neck stretched. One of Cerberus' foals. Levi had monopolized the animals in part due to their fine breeding, but also due to the sentimentality he knew Bernell held for the horses. The idea of them ending up with a less than capable rider had pained him.

A scream in the darkness of the forest urged his mount forward faster. He tightened his grip and rode forward with one goal in mind; to kill as many titan bastards as he saw.