Rowan clawed up from the darkness that he'd thrown himself into, drawn by something terribly important, a need, but not his own. Something outside of himself he couldn't ignore.

Julie.

He opened his eyes.

And nothing made sense.

Julie was standing in front of him, smiling at him with such beautiful, bright hope in her eyes, something he hadn't seen in her for days, that his heart stuttered just once in his chest, before falling still again.

And with that very familiar sensation came the most awkward realization that the rest of his body was cold and still... which meant...

I'm dead?

But...

And before he could even fathom why, something from nightmare stood up behind Julie.

Rowan could only watch it rise, struck dumb with disbelief, feeling the phantom twist of dread in his still heart as he realized what it was.

The dark thing. The fucking monster behind the whole apocalypse, that he'd faced down twice now. Three times, if he counted the nightmare where it'd eaten his face off.

Fear rose in him, a languid rush muted by his body's stillness, but inescapable. It wasn't like he hadn't seen this form of the creature before. He had, though it wasn't quite the same, there was something much more animalistic in the thing in front of him now, that towered before them both, its shadow falling over Julie.

There was a shout then, something that snapped him from his frozen shock. He recognized the voice, though he didn't understand why the Colonel was here, how and when he'd gotten here, he didn't understand anything, but there wasn't time for understanding, because the thing... holy shit.. the thing was leaning down over Julie's shoulder.

Its voice was so much worse than before... cutting through his heart like a jagged saw. It growled at her to run, and she jerked forward to him, before he could get his dead body to move. But he quickly swept her behind him, and set his feet down square, and got ready to tear this thing apart.

Although, he had no idea how he was supposed to do that, and the creature wasn't looking at him anyway, staring down at Julie with a horrifically smug look on its wretched, messed up face.

"...hello once more... bright one..."

Julie said something at his side, and he felt her fear and her disbelief, but he didn't really catch the words, because he was still trying to work out what he could do to stop this thing, while his mind circled on the fact that he was dead WHY AM I DEAD?! and what happened...

...to dad?

Grief clawed at him, but he shoved it aside as the thing hissed, and took a lumbering step towards him, rumbling bizarrely about new ones, and being delighted, and - Jesus! - reaching out with a horribly long and withered arm, like the branch of some twisted rotting tree as its fingers unfolded towards his head.

Rowan jerked back, still trying to protect Julie, but the thing snared him anyway, its hand curling tightly around his skull and holding him still as a cold brittle claw dragged along the pale skin of his forehead.

He thrashed out, punching at the creatures horrific, seeping face, at the pools of utter empty darkness it had for eyes, and Julie screamed beside him, pulling at his waist, trying to get him free.

Jesus, Julie, just RUN!

The words hadn't even made it to his mouth before she was somehow gone, and he hadn't even seen the creature in front of him move, but suddenly she was on the ground yards away, and the smell of her blood bloomed in his nostrils as the things hand returned to his face.

Oh no..

"Julie!" he cried, and he fought as hard as he could to free himself, to reach her, to help her. He punched and clawed at the things face, tearing free slick, rotten flesh. "Let.. me GO!"

And the creature leered at him, and its hand closed tight about his skull, and it spoke...

"..the other soul... had so much more... enthusiasm... let us bring.. him back.."

And suddenly, he was gone, once more, into nothing.

Julie?

The next thing he knew, he was on his knees, looking into Joshua's eyes. Rowan stared back for only a moment, feeling hopelessly confused, and frozen by the deep sadness and regret in the man's face, before his gaze fell to the bleeding, mangled thing he held in his hands. With a startled jerk, he flinched back, almost throwing Samuel's arm at Joshua, as his mind cycled over terrible memories of tearing meat from bone and endless screaming...

But he forced the memories back, as something drew his gaze beyond Joshua.

Slowly, he rose to his feet. Because something.. was wrong. Julie needed him... she'd been hurt.. she...

He didn't understand what he was looking at at first. A wall of the dead, silent and watchful, and...

Marcus? He was here? Wait.. Marcus was dead too? He was standing next to John, and John was...

No.

Something broke inside his chest, and he staggered forward, over the dying man, the dying man's son, past his best friend, past the grieving father, and fell to his knees besides the broken body of the woman he loved.

No.

A horrible moan, not like the dead make at all, tore from him as he gathered her up in his arms. She was boneless and cold as he pressed her close, and the wounds in her chest, her throat ..Jesus Christ.. gaped at him. Laughed at him.

You couldn't save her.

No, he growled at the thought. No.

This is not how this ends.

She'd brought him back once with a simple touch, and he'd do the same for her. He just had to hold on, and never let go.

"Julie?" he whispered, and his pale hand closed in hers, and he brought their clasped hands to his cold chest. "Julie.. come back. I'm here... I'm.. waiting."

And he closed his eyes, and squeezed her hand tight, and felt his heart pulse once more in his chest.

"I love you Julie."

And he waited, his heart starting to thrum inside, starting the dawning tremble to life, and he remembered when he'd left his body after almost freezing to death, and how he'd gone to be with her, unseen. Julie was probably nearby. He knew it. In fact, if he was really still, didn't take a breath at all, he could feel her. Somewhere to his left.

But before he could look up, to try and talk her back, he felt the ground shudder underneath them all, felt the dead around them shift, their grey and shriveled faces turning to stare at him, and his body grew cold. Brittle with a chill that crept through him, overwhelming him, stealing his body from his control, and he was slammed back.

To somewhere dark.

Rowan opened his eyes.

And slowly stood up as he finally recognized where he was.

He was standing before the wall.

The one he'd built in his own mind. The one he'd spent so much time constructing, concentrating on every little detail to make it as real as possible, to separate himself from the minds he'd taken in, from the personalities that had threatened to overwhelm him. Stretching out an arm, he pressed up against the surface, felt its familiar roughness, and then stopped, terribly confused.

What the hell just happened?

"Asshole."

Rowan jumped, and twisted around, still terribly confused, but apparently now confused with company.

Joshua was standing a few feet away, glaring at him angrily. Only, he looked a lot younger, and his blonde hair was all over the place.

"I'm Caleb, you moron," the man snapped, taking a step towards him.

Rowan stepped back, his arm scraping the wall, as he almost tripped himself up.

"Caleb?!" he choked, his eyes wide. "What the... how the..."

"We're in your head you dumbass," the man muttered, still stalking forward. "You piece of shit."

Rowan swiveled, looking around to understand, confused beyond belief, still stepping back as Caleb advanced. "But.. I was just.."

"Yeah, and I was 'just' too! My dad was dying, you fucking dickwad! And you pulled me away from him!"

Rowan turned back to Caleb, and stopped retreating, standing to his full height in front of the man as his brow drew down hard.

"HEY!" he snapped, "For one thing, I didn't pull you away! I didn't even know your dad was dying until... wait, why are you swearing so mu-"

Caleb's punch caught him square across the jaw, and Rowan staggered back with a startled grunt as the man stormed towards him again, trying for another shot.

Rowan threw a hand up and caught Caleb's swinging fist, and swung back with a hard right to the man's chest. It hurt, and he quickly pulled his hand in close, rubbing the knuckles with a little hiss as Caleb crumpled to the floor, gasping and clutching his chest. Rowan moved to stand over him, rage rising through him in a rush.

"You killed Julie," he growled, and he lashed out with his foot, hoping to take the guy's head off with the swing. But Caleb grabbed his foot and twisted it, and Rowan fell, slamming into the ground hard, his skull bouncing off the floor with a dull crack.

"Oww.." he groaned, cradling his head with his arms. "Jesus.."

Rolling back with a grunt, he looked over to Caleb, who was coughing against the floor. The man finally curled to his side, trying to rise to his hands and knees. "I didn't.. mean.. to," he managed to gasp, glancing Rowan's way. "But she... kissed me."

Rowan sat up slowly, holding his head, and stared at Caleb in complete disbelief. "You killed the woman I love, because she kissed you?" He pressed against the side of his jaw, then dropped his hand as he glared back at Caleb. "You know what I do when Julie kisses me? I kiss her back!"

"No," Caleb sighed, shaking his head as he finally managed to sit up. "It wasn't.. just that. She hurt me, then she... she shouldn't have done that. Nobody touches me, I don't let.. they just don't."

Caleb's voice had started to tremble as he dropped his head to his knees, and Rowan felt the rage leech away. Because he'd seen inside this kids head. Literally. And it was a pretty shitty, dark place.

Frowning, he gave a small sigh. "I didn't pull you from your dad Caleb, I don't know how I came back. And why do you care anyway? Your dad hurt you, like, really bad. He's a fucking monster."

Rowan felt his eyes grow damp as the words left his mouth, and shook his head again. They had to stop sitting around talking. He had to figure out why he was here, and get back, and save Julie.

Caleb had grown terribly quiet. When he finally spoke, it was with a very small voice. "He's my dad Rowan," he sighed. "I hate him. But.. I still care... because.. he's my dad." Turning his face towards Rowan, he gave a sad smile, his eyes red. "Your dad was always good to you, so... I know you don't understand. But you can't help but care, even when your dad's a monster. An asshole. Because the need never goes away. You keep needing, you keep hoping, praying that one day the monster will go away and he'll be your dad again. That he'll smile, and say sorry, and mean it, and everything will be good again." Squeezing his eyes shut, he turned his face back down.

And it was a while before he spoke again, but Rowan just stayed quiet and there, because Caleb seemed to need that.

"I'm sorry I killed Julie."

Rowan sighed. "I know." He pushed himself to his feet, and walked over, extending a hand. "I'm sorry I killed you." It came out so simply, but it wasn't a simple thing. He was sorry he hurt the man so terribly, sorry he'd taken Caleb's hope away, torn the man's throat out and ended him as he pissed and shit himself against the concrete, staring up at a tiny sliver of pale blue sky. Sorry he'd taken everything Caleb had been, and everything the guy could have been yet, away, and wandered off, leaving his opened body behind as if it didn't mean anything at all.

Caleb looked up, and shrugged, and got to his own feet, ignoring the hand. "I get it now, Rowan," he said quietly. "I understand why you did what you did. Why you couldn't stop." He scratched the back of his head as he stood up and glanced at Rowan awkwardly. "I... sort of ate your best friend."

Rowan blinked. "Jesus, you turned Marcus?"

"Yeah," Caleb said, nodding. "He all but threw himself at me, and it was right there in my face... couldn't fucking help myself." Then he sighed. "Oh, and I'm swearing so damn much because you do. I've been in your head for too fucking long."

A small smirk crossed Rowan's lips. "I don't swear that much Caleb."

Caleb let out a short incredulous laugh. "You do, and then some. Don't deny it. But yeah, I ate your friend. And the best part is he thought I was you when I did it." It was Caleb's turn to smirk.

Rowan groaned. "I'm going to get hell for that. If.. I ever make it back.. to..." he turned and looked around himself again. The room they were in stretched off in all directions away from the wall, which had no end, save for its meeting with the floor.

Was it always this big?

"I have no idea why we're here, do you?" he asked, still looking at the wall.

And someone else answered.

"Yes."

Rowan spun around, towards the voice, a voice he remembered. "Oh shit," he whispered, as the person swung into view.

A young man about a foot shorter than he was, with chestnut hair, serious eyebrows and a lopsided smirk.

Rowan backed up, his eyes wide.

Perry.

Caleb watched him, and looked at the newcomer, then back at Rowan.

"What's wrong? Who's this guy?" Caleb asked, pointing at Perry. Then he froze. "Oh.. wait. I remember you from Rowan's memories, you're..."

"Perry, yeah, hi," the man said, not even looking at him.

Rowan watched him, his mouth tightly shut.

"You're a guy he killed, like me," Caleb continued, then his mouth fell open as he looked back at Rowan. "Oh wow... you killed him... and then you took his girlfriend?!"

Rowan winced.

"Yes he did," Perry said quietly, still staring at Rowan, still giving that lopsided smirk.

"Am I you?" Rowan said suddenly, the words rushing from his mouth, edged with a soft fear, "Are we together.. just because of you? Are we.. in love.. because of you?"

"Uh.." Caleb said awkwardly, looking back and forth between the two of them.

Perry shrugged at Rowan, and the smirk grew wider.

"No!" Rowan snapped, pushing forward from the wall. "That's not an answer!"

"I should.." Caleb hooked his thumb over his shoulder and stepped away.

"Answer me!" Rowan yelled, stabbing his finger at Perry.

The man's smirk grew thin. "What if I said yes? That you love Julie just because of me. That that's the only reason. What would you say to that?"

"BULLSHIT!" Rowan yelled, stepping forward again, leaning into Perry's face.

Perry grinned, looking up at him. "There's your answer."

Rowan blinked, straightening up again. "But... that's not an answer!"

Perry shrugged at him again. "It's the only answer that matters right now."

"But..."

"Now, are you two done?" Perry said quickly, reaching out for Caleb, pulling him back. "You guys the best of buddies now?"

They looked at each other and back at Perry.

"No," they said in unison.

"Great," Perry said with a smirk, ignoring them completely. "The reason you're here, is because that dark asshole is running around in your body, Rowan. Its currently ripping your family and friends apart."

Rowan jerked back. "What?!"

"Is my dad okay?" Caleb blurted, his eyes wide. "Joshua?"

"No," Perry said simply, and grabbed both of their wrists. The touch felt electric, and Rowan tried to jerk back, but couldn't. It brought back the weird hazy memory from over a year ago, the strange dream meeting with himself. And that thought turned his stomach.

Caleb tried to pull away too, his face an angry mask. "What you do mean, no!? I have to help them! I hav-"

"We," Perry said quietly, but his voice seemed to fill the space around them, impossible to ignore, absolute, "are here to stop it."

"How?" Rowan asked, his mouth dry.

Perry gave him a skewed look. "You don't remember the dream I gave you?"

Rowan's eyes grew wide. "That was you?"

When Perry just glared back, Rowan tried to remember, and came up with slender threads of broken meaning. "You said.. I had to, um... have hope... that faith, uh... something, something freeing people.. and..." He stopped. "Oh."

"Yeah, oh!" Perry snorted. "The 'something, something freeing people' part, God, why did I even bother..."

Rowan's mouth fell open as a new truth hit him. "You..." he whispered.

The sarcasm fell away from Perry as his gaze returned to Rowan.

"You.. saved me?" Rowan said, his voice small and full of wonder. "That was you?"

Perry nodded with a small smile.

And suddenly, Rowan's eyes were wet, and he wanted to shrink away from both of them, both of these souls he had killed and torn from the world. But Perry's hand was fixed on his wrist and he couldn't pull away.

"Why?" he said brokenly, and could not raise his eyes to look at the man.

"Because..." Perry said softly, intoning the words heavily, "Julie needed you."

Rowan blinked through the tears, wiping desperately at his face, and nodded. Of course... of course that made sense. That's what was important...

Perry quickly dropped to his normal voice, "Jesus, you're an idiot, man. Why the hell wouldn't I? Yes, you killed me, yes, you killed him, yes, you killed a lot of people. But you couldn't help it, and it's time you let that go. You're worth saving, Rowan. You're worth bringing back from the brink. Not just for Julie's sake."

As the tears threatened again, Perry caught his eye.

"And both of you have something important to do," he added. "Right now."

"Both?" Rowan asked.

Perry nodded, and looked at the wall. "I said you had to have hope. And you have it. She's on the other side of that wall."

Rowan's mouth fell open.

"Julie?"

Thanks for reading folks. Let me know what you think, if you have a moment. :)