Drawn to Pot
TaleSpin and its characters are the property of Disney / Buena Vista and are used without permission.
Call me a purist or a nostalgic or just plain old, but I was disappointed in the new Ducktales' take on Don Karnage. No Jim Cummings? And the character designs are...interesting. I just had to write this fic.
New Fedora
One afternoon in New Fedora, the bell above the door of a hat shop called Beau Knows Chapeaux rang.
The man who entered clomped across the room to where the proprietor, a sheep named Beau, was assisting a porcine patron in trying on a flowered, befurbelowed hat in front of a mirror. Spying an infamous face above her reflection, the woman yelped, "Don Karnage!" and, snatching up her purse, fled. The hat that she had been trying on spun in the air before dropping onto the chair she had vacated.
"Lookity-look. I am next!" Karnage crowed. He swept the flowery hat off the seat and sat down in front of the mirror. "I am looking for a hat. One that is almost as handsome as my wonderful self. Find it and I may even let you live." With a menacing leer at the sheep, he patted the hilt of his sword.
Beau stammered through chattering teeth, "Y-yes, Don K-Karnage, s-s-sir." He rushed off to bring the best merchandise to the pirate captain.
An hour later, Karnage was surrounded by piles of various types of men's head apparel from bowlers to baseball caps to sombreros to beanies.
The pirate captain pulled a brown fedora over one eye and simpered at his reflection. "No," he said, finally flinging it onto the pile of discarded hats, "it is still not enough...me. Next!"
"B-but those are all the men's hats that I have," Beau gulped, eyeing the sword nervously.
Glaring at the sheep with the knocking knees, Karnage demanded, "I suggest that you look one more time."
Beau sped to the back room that contained empty shelves as well as a small kitchen. A black pot was on the stove.
"Don Karnage is waiting most improbably!"
In desperation, Beau snatched up the pot and hurried to the showroom. Cringing, he offered it to the air pirate, knowing that in about two seconds he would be shish-kebab.
Karnage examined the pot. He knocked on it with his knuckles. "Bulletproof." He put it on his head with the handle sticking straight back. "The fit is...okey-dokey." He admired his reflection. "And I even like the color. This is it!"
Later…
On Board the Iron Vulture
Don Karnage had just given the orders to head back to Pirate Island when he noticed a band of his merry marauders staring at him and snickering.
"And just what are you fooligans laughing about?"
Trying, and failing, to contain his giggles, Mad Dog said, "A thousand groveling apologies, but what's that on your head, Captain?"
Dumptruck added, "It looks like a pot."
"It is not a pot. It is the best hat in the world. Bulletproof," Karnage whacked Mad Dog and Dumptruck over the head with the pot, sending them reeling to the deck; "and eediot proof!"
The End