Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: So this is the last chapter of this story. I'm sorry for the wait but there was so much to try and fit in. I want to say thank you to everyone who has ever read this story. Whether they read the first chapter of Shooting the Moon then left, or they stuck with me through the whole thing, right to this moment. The reviews have been amazing and the support and enthusiam you have shown for this story has been wonderful.
In a way it is the perfect time for this story to end because everything in my life will be changing within the next few days, so as I'm finishing this story I'm also finishing the way I lived as I wrote it. Then again, who's to say I won't wake up one night with the urge to pick up a pen and start a third sequel...
I hope you like the chapter, as always, and I hope you've enjoyed the story of Holly and Edward.
So for the last time: Happy reading x
My giggles sounded through the forest, and I heard Edward's responding chuckle as he raced behind me. Our feet hadn't touched upon this ground in fifteen years but the scents and sounds around us brought back the memories of our first year together. The first year of my immortality, the year of our wedding, the year of our honeymoon, the first year of calm.
I grinned as the scent of La Push hit my nose: sea salt, fresh forests, and the faint pungent musk of the wolves. It was the smell of home, or at least the smell of family. I almost felt ashamed that I hadn't been back sooner, but Edward and I had needed some time to just be with each other. It was a personal choice, although it would be a lie to say that we weren't heavily persuaded by the rest of the family. Still our years were up and it was time to get back to how things were before. I could hardly wait. Of course we would still have to have our time away from the family every three months, just a few days when the Needing hit.
I bit my lip against the memory of the most Needing I went through. I sent the mental image to Edward and giggled at his answering lustful growl. That first year of my immortality was also the year we first discovered that my human side had brought another surprise to the table: The Needing. As I thought about that day I felt my mind travel back to it via Edward's memory. I was sure the discovery of my fertility and the effect it had on me was one of the things Edward considered a major perk of my hybrid nature. Of course he didn't have to deal with the female side of it, just the fun bit.
I let my mind slip through Edward's memory of the day as we ran towards the birthday party we were due to attend.
I came back from my shopping trip, the little blue Tiffany's box hidden securely in my inside jacket pocket. It was a gift for Holly, another solid silver charm for her Holly bracelet. I knew she would love it and I couldn't resist buying her something because the smile on her face when she received it was a gift of my own.
I was anxious to give it to her, or perhaps I was just anxious to see her. I had only been away from her for a short few hours but I hated the idea of being apart from her. I knew how that felt and it was the most agonising type of pain and desperation.
We had been married for a short six months, and I still couldn't believe we were finally married; after all we'd been through. Plus in my opinion the three month honeymoon wasn't long enough, and given the thoughts of my family they didn't believe it was either.
I smirked as I passed through the door. However as soon as my foot touched the foyer I stopped. Something was off.
I looked around the foyer of the grand house we had purchased in the rural outskirts of New York. There was nothing out of order. I listened for unusual sounds, but I could just hear the life of the family within. Emmett and Jasper were in the lounge watching the game while Rose and Alice worked through their online wardrobes.
I sniffed the air and all I smelt was Holly's food from last night, the lasagne she had made with Emmett.
I went to join the others in the lounge. I could hear Holly was busy up in her room so I decided I would take the time to wrap the charm rather than just giving it to her in the bag.
It was while I was in the lounge searching through one of the drawers on the bureau that I felt the first wave of energy push through the house. It was like an invisible surge of something that went straight to the place between my legs, hardening it instantly. I stiffened and looked around with wide eyes. Each one of my siblings in the room was frozen, each wondering whether what they felt was right.
A moment later a second wave hit. My arousal grew, quick as the curse that left my mouth.
"Holy shit, Jasper I thought you could control yourself, man." Emmett groaned.
"Whatever this is it isn't me. It's coming from upstairs," Jasper growled and my eyes instantly darted upwards. Holly?
Emmett stood up so fast the chair he was sitting in fell back and landed on the floor. He stalked over to Rosalie, whipped the magazine from her hands and tossed it carelessly on the table. He pulled her against his body, kissing her deeply and bending her over the table as if he were going to crawl up inside her. I couldn't even find it in me to be surprised or disgusted. The feeling that was surging in me wouldn't allow it. Still they were never usually that physical in front of the family, none of us were, and yet it felt like right now we would all just disregard that principal.
Jasper's thoughts were heading in the same direction as Emmett's, so were Alice's, and I was just glad Carlisle and Esme weren't in right now and were instead hunting in the forest nearby.
Another surge reverberated through the house, rocking my body. I gripped the edge of the drawers hearing them crack under my strength.
Holly, it must be Holly. But how? Why?
This wasn't anything like the lust Jasper sometimes pumped out by accident. It was so much more than that.
I was distracted as I saw Jasper go for Alice like a tank, tearing across the room and whisking her away out the door.
What is this? I grabbed my hair and dragged my hand through it. Another surge and I felt my hand travel down with the urge for a release. I stopped myself and ran for the bedroom Holly and I shared.
I threw the door open and sagged against the jamb. The fragrance in the room was like a garden in full bloom, the loveliest thing that had ever shot up my nose.
The front of my jeans pounded, the drive to get out of them becoming all consuming.
"Holly?" I said into the darkness of the room. The curtains were drawn which was unusual for Holly since she loved the scenery around our home.
I heard a moan; I went inside, closing the door behind me.
Oh, God. The perfume of her... I started to growl deep in the back of my throat, and my fingers cranked into claws. My feet took over, marching me to the bed, my instincts leaving my mind behind.
Holly was writhing on the bed, tangled in sheets. When she saw me she cried out, but then she settled down as if she willed herself calm.
"I'm okay." She rolled over onto her stomach, her thighs rubbing together as she pulled the duvet over her body.
"I'm...really...It's going to be-"
Another shock wave came out of her, so strong it pushed me back as she jack-knifed into a ball.
"Go," She groaned. "Worse...when you're here. I'm sorry, Edward...Oh...God...I love you, please...Edward...Christ."
As she let out a ragged curse I stumbled back to the door even though everything in me was telling me to stay. I loved her and it was clear something was wrong but I couldn't think logically. My whole mind was a blur.
Getting myself into the hallway was like hauling Emmett off a bear.
What am I going to do? Should I call Carlisle? What if he reacts the same way as all of us? Should I have left her? She said it was worse when I was there, but what was it?
I paced the hallway at a speed that I was sure would burn a hole in the hard wood floor. I should go back, there has to be something I can do.
Another shock wave of heat rippled through the air. I could hear the others moaning and I was racked with the need to be with Holly. I had to be. There was no maybe about it. I wouldn't take her words as truth, not right now.
I braced myself before re-entering the room. Opening the door I saw Holly still twisted in the sheets, her face shining with heat. She couldn't sweat but the flush across her body showed she was hot, too hot. Irresistibly hot. She had a pillow wedged between her legs as her body trembled.
She started to sob as I neared her and I deliberated what to do. "It hurts..."
"I'm here for you, love. I love you. I'm not going anywhere." I brushed her beautifully rich brown hair out of her eyes. "I'll take care of you, love."
"Please...it hurts so badly." She rolled over, and her naked skin tempted me to distraction. She was beautiful, irresistible. "It hurts. It hurts so much, Edward. It won't stop. It's getting worse. I don't understand."
In a massive surge she undulated wildly, a blast of energy coming out of her body. The strength of the hormones she emitted blinded me with lust, and I got so caught up in my body's beastly response that I didn't feel anything...even as she grabbed my forearm with enough force to bend my bones.
When the peak faded, I wondered if she'd broken my wrist. It wasn't that I cared about the pain, or even about the fact she seemed strong enough to do such a thing, I was too caught up in her and what she needed from me. She was hanging onto me desperately and the look on her face gave me a clear image of what she must have been going through inside.
"Has this ever happened before, love?" I asked softly as she whimpered.
"I don't know...Honeymoon, maybe...but never like this." Now that I thought about it there was a day during our honeymoon that held this similar feeling. Uncontrollable lust, undeniable and animalistic. But it was our honeymoon; most days had seemed like that. Then again it was that day that it seemed Holly needed me more than others. I hadn't thought twice about it.
I stripped my clothes from me, the urgency decimating the fabrics in seconds. Holly was writhing in misery as I laid myself out next to her on the bed. She looked magnificent against the white pillows, her cheeks flushed, her lips parted, her skin almost glowing from the feeling she was emitting. But she was in such pain.
"Shhh...easy," I whispered as I soothed her with my cool skin, kissing the flesh that seemed to burn. As our naked skin brushed Holly moaned and bit her lip.
Then instinct took over. I wasn't gentle, I wasn't patient, but neither was she. It seemed to help, being joined to her, filling her. Her pain seemed to stop. By the time I felt myself release into her, her eyes were closed, her breathing even, the deep grooves in her face gone.
Her hands ran up my ribs and onto my shoulders as I caught my breath above her, feeling the frenzy leave my body. Her face turned into my bicep and she sighed as she inhaled my scent.
I touched her hair, spreading the warm brown waves across the creamy pillow. I pulled out and went to the en suite bathroom to clean up. I swiped the washcloth across myself as I tried to think what had just happened. What was possibly wrong with her? When I returned though she'd started to undulate again, the need in her rising.
"Edward..." she moaned. "It's back."
I left the bathroom, throwing the washcloth aside and mounted her again, but before I pushed into her I looked into her glassy eyes and felt the worry battling with love and lust I felt for her. Was I helping? Should I be doing this when I didn't know what the consequences were?
"Please..." she whimpered as she writhed again.
"I can call Carlisle. We can try to understand this." I stared down at her, waiting for her answer.
"After," she whispered and that was the only confirmation I needed.
I was sucked back into reality as the memory left me. That first time had been the worst. It had been awful, like period pain multiplied and enhanced. In a way that was exactly what it was.
We'd talked to Carlisle when everything had calmed down, it had only lasted twenty four hours, but that had seemed like a lifetime when my body was constantly caught between agony and bliss. After tests and a little conjecture we learned what we now call the Needing was simply my body's compromise between the human monthly fertility cycle and a vampire's infertility. It occurs every three months, lasts twenty four hours, and is basically a time when I am fertile. Luckily, once we knew this, Edward and I were careful and there have been no 'accidents.' We're not ready for children, I'm not even sure I want them at all but in a way it's nice to have that option still left to me. Of course we have to leave when the Needing comes because the hormones and emotions I pump out aren't that ideal for the others.
I ran along the edge of the cliffs, dodging into the forest where Edward ran. I sensed him before he grabbed me but I didn't choose to stop him.
He had me pinned beneath him within moments and I sighed as he placed kisses on my neck.
"Being back here just reminds me our night in the meadow, remember, our first time," he whispered against my skin and I shivered as the memory. That night had been perfect—the beginning of so many wonderful years together. "What do you say to a re-enactment" Edward grinned as he looked into my eyes and hitched my leg up around his hip.
"Our ten years are up, Edward, and then some. We have to start prioritising," I scolded playfully as I leaned up to place a kiss on his lips.
"That's not what you said on the plane from Paris."
"I was in a tin can, 30 000ft in the air for eight hours, what did you expect to happen?" I teased as I flipped us and straddled him, looking down on his smiling face. His hair was mussed up with leaves and twigs but somehow it just made him all the more tempting.
"Come on, love, just let me show you how much I love you." I smirked as his hands crept up my legs, dipping beneath the hem of my red sun dress.
"You've shown me twice already today. Now's family time." I stood up, taking his hand and checking the watch on his wrist. 13.05. "Crap we must be the first vampires to be late. We were supposed to be there at one." Edward chuckled and took off running, his hand in mine as we manoeuvred the forest together.
It didn't take us long to see the little white house nestled amongst the meadow flowers and leafy trees. It was a modest two storey house, a family home, but it wasn't ours. Not the Cullens.
I grinned as I spun in Edward's hands and dragged him eagerly to the bright red front door. I could hear everyone was already inside and my excitement was mounting by the second.
"Two years, Edward. We finally get to see them properly after two years." I felt him place a kiss into my hair as his arm wound around my waist. I'd shared countless phone calls and spent hours on Skype and the internet talking but it's not quite the same as seeing them in person. Sure we saw them at Christmases but a day isn't the same. They were my family. Every single one of them, plus a couple of additions.
The door flew open and I was swamped by the scent of lemon drops and roses as Ashleigh wrapped her arms around me.
"Holly!" she gasped into my ear while I hugged her tight.
"Sorry we're late, Ash." I pulled away with a smile.
"Oh it's alright. I think I can guess why." She leant forward and pulled a leaf from Edward's hair with a smirk.
She didn't have to reach up very fair to pull it out because she'd grown to be a tall 5ft 10 in the past fifteen years since her fifteen year old self.
Edward grinned and Ashleigh opened her arms into which he went easily. "You look well, Ashleigh," he said as they separated.
"Yeah, I look good for thirty year old right?" She giggled and stepped out of the door way to let us in. Her once bright blonde hair was now a less brassy colour and fell in a sleek style around her pretty face. She was still all legs, cheekbones, and big blue eyes but she wasn't young anymore. She looked mature and happy in her body. It was strange because she was, biologically, eleven years older than me and yet I was the one that looked eleven years younger in comparison. Still it didn't seem to bother her that she aged and I didn't.
Her house smelt like the perfect blend of the woods and the sweet world of the supernatural.
I heard the familiar pitter patter of little feet and the giggle that sounded like sunshine. "Uncle Eddie!" I smiled widely as the little four year old girl sprinted into Edwards arms and laughed freely as he spun her around, throwing her into the air to make it seem like she's flying.
"How is my favourite niece?" he asked with a smile as the little girl wiped her long raven hair from her beaming face. She was the only one who could call him Eddie, well her and me that is.
"Mummy let me lick out the icing bowl!" she squealed, her voice as sweet as the sugar she'd consumed.
"Aren't you a lucky little girl, Freya," Edward said before he tickled her sides, releasing another bout of infectious laughter.
"I'm starting to regret that decision," Ashleigh said with a maternal smile as she looked at her daughter.
"Is that Holly and Edward I hear?" We all walked into the lounge when we heard Seth's voice. The whole family was there, the wolves and their families, the Cullens, and my mother and father. Each and every one of them was packed into that little room, and it was the cosiest scene I could ever have imagined.
Edward popped Freya on the floor and she ran off to play with the other children that were playing in the garden amongst the bubbles and balloons. It was her fourth birthday today, four years since Ashleigh had been rushed to Forks Hospital, four years since I became an auntie, and four years since my parents became grandparents. It was surreal.
Edward and I separated as we went around each of our friends in the room, sharing hugs and stories as we were reunited with the people we loved. Our family.
I smiled as I saw Bella and Jake talking with Carlisle and Esme. They had a little black haired girl with them and she clung to Jakes leg as her large chocolate eyes gazed around her, looking at the children playing outside with a nervous but forlorn look on her face.
I went over, nodded to Bella and Jake and knelt down to talk to the little girl.
"Hello, what's your name?"
"Isla," she said with a cute nervous voice.
"That's a lovely name, Isla. My name's Holly. Do you want to come with me and get a cupcake?" I offered her my hand and her little fingers wrapped around my own, her caramel skin in contrast with my own cream. She sucked on her thumb as I led her out to the backyard where the cupcakes and other party pieces sat out in the mild sunshine. I picked up a pink one with flowers on and handed it to Isla.
"Freya." I called my niece over, grinning as she danced her way towards us, her deep blue eyes glittering with her excitement. I could see a little bit of all of us in her.
"Holly!" she bounded into my arms and I inhaled her meadow scent deeply. She was like the perfect blend of floral softness and the musky scent of the woods. The perfect blend of her mother and father.
"Freya, this is Isla." I introduced the little girl and as she stood with the pink cupcake in her hand.
"Hi, Isla. Do you want to come play? We're having a fashion show!" I looked up to see clothes strewn all over the grass and some of the girls painting the boys' faces with red lipstick.
Isla nodded beside me, and I let her go as I watched Freya skip off with her towards the clothes box.
I turned and returned to the adults' party. Freya was the next generation, the generation born into a world where the Quileutes and the Cullens were more than just acquaintances who put up with each other. We were friends. Ashleigh and Seth's wedding had joined us for life and the children would continue that relationship as time passed.
Ashleigh had started and maintained her relationship with Seth after New Year's Eve. They were unshakeable. Separate universes were nothing compared to how they felt for each other. At their wedding—that mystical event where it seemed the supernatural blended seamlessly with 'normality'—Seth had stood up and talked about the power of imprinting. He said that what he felt for Ashleigh may not have been an imprint but it was so much more than that. He didn't feel compelled to be with her, he just wanted to be. He wasn't held in her presence by something irresistible and uncontrollable, he was there because that was the only place he wanted to be. It didn't kill him to be away from her, but it hurt to the point that it felt like his heart would break into a million pieces. He loved her with his whole heart, mind, body, and soul, and it had nothing to do with magic, it was just because of who she was. Those words had struck harder that he could have imagined. That day, all my worries for their future, for the possible imprint that could be out there for Seth, dissipated. They were meant for each other, and no imprint could ever come between what they had.
I smiled as I thought of this and saw Ash and Seth standing beside each other. They had grown into amazing people. They were still the same as they were when they were young, but on top of that there was layers of life, layers of maturity, responsibility, understanding, and most of all comfort. This was their life and they were living it exactly how they wanted in this little white house on the borderline which once separated the Cullen land from the Quileute land. No more, we were joined; we were a part of one group.
"Holly, darling." I spun and saw my parents smiling widely at me as they peeked outside at Freya.
"Mum, Dad. How are you?" I grabbed hugs from both of them, comforting myself against the papery feel of their skin and the lines on their faces. They were getting older, and some day I would have to let them go, but not yet. I clung to that fact. They were here now and hopefully they still would be in ten years time, maybe even twenty.
"We're fine. The house back home is fine too, not that we much time there now. The people here have welcomed us so warmly," Mum explained with a smile that she cast around the group.
"So you're still living through the portal. I thought you might have chosen to stay here."
"We thought it would be nice to keep the house, to keep the portal open, just in case. Jasper has also helped us secure a contact that will ensure the house isn't sold once we're gone, not until you make a final decision." Dad raised his hand in greeting to Jasper who nodded in recognition.
"Anyway, tell us all about your travels. You must have visited everywhere now." Mum grinned and her pale blue eyes twinkled as I dived into the tales of mine and Edwards travels around the globe. We had spent most of our years jumping from country to country seeing the exquisite sights of the world and discovering all it had to offer. During my stories I felt Edward's arm wrapped around my waist. After that he filled in the parts I couldn't and vice versa like the team and partnership we were.
The day turned into night and slowly the children fell asleep and the parents left to put them in their beds so they could dream in comfort. It was only Freya who protested and demanded that she be allowed to stay downstairs.
That was why she was now fast asleep in Esme's arms while Rosalie stroked her ebony hair, allowing it to spill out over Esme's arms. Her eyelashes flickered on her cheeks like black feather dusters and her pink lips pouted as she dreamt. She was a beautiful little girl, and I certainly wouldn't want to be Seth when she became a woman. She would be stunning with her exotic blend of features and vibrant personality. It was impossible not to love her.
"I should get her upstairs," Seth murmured as he heaved himself off the chair, leaving his beer on the side table. Ashleigh soon came round and made sure there was a coaster underneath it.
He gathered Freya up in his arms, smiling down on her as he walked slowly from the room.
Ashleigh bustled in an arm full of glasses heading towards the kitchen.
"Please allow us to that, Ashleigh." Esme offered and Ash nodded gratefully.
"Kids parties, they're bloody murder to clean up after." Ashleigh huffed and slumped in the couch between me and Rosalie while Esme blurred around us.
"Are you still up for Seattle tomorrow, Ash?" Rosalie asked as Ash nodded excitedly.
"I've been dying to go shopping. I'm in need of some retail therapy. Are you coming Alice? Holly?" I nodded, as Alice babbled excitedly about where she wanted to go, what styles she's seen recently, what will suit Ash, what's coming in and what's going out. After a while I zoned out and just focussed on the feel of Edward's fingers stroking through my hair as he talked with Emmett and Carlisle. My parents were already upstairs in the guest bedroom, their age and the birthday party taking its toll on them.
Eventually it was time to go and we each filtered out of the little white house, leaving Seth and Ashleigh in the doorway, his arm around her waist and her hand reaching up to touch his cheek. It hurt to leave them so soon after seeing them again after two years, but I knew I'd see her tomorrow and the day after that and after that and even after that if I wanted to. We would be living nearby for a while now that Forks was safe for us to live in again. Fifteen years may not have been that long, but it was long enough for us. We wouldn't be attending high school this time around, and Carlisle would be helping to set up a special hospital in La Push which would be equipped to deal with the wolves, and therefore would prevent them from being discovered in Forks.
When we walked through the door of the Cullen house it felt like I'd never left. It was exactly same, but of course it would be, a house doesn't grow, it doesn't age, it just stays exactly how it always has been.
The walls echoed with memories and the floor boards sang the hollow songs of footsteps that had once walked upon them.
I placed a kiss on Edward's cheek, "We're home."
"Home sweet home," he whispered as he returned the kiss. "Holly?"
"Yeah?" I said as we followed the rest of the family through to the lounge.
"Earlier, on the plane, you said to remind you about Alice." Edward recited the words cautiously and I felt a light bulb flick back on.
"Oh yeah!" I squealed and Edward looked at me curiously. "I just want to try something." I replied to his questioning look. I hadn't told him what it was about Alice that I needed reminding about because I wanted it to be a surprise. That was if it actually worked.
I moved Edward and indicated the white sofa, while I turned to Alice as she sat in Jasper's lap. The others watched me as I knelt down in front of her and took her hands in mine.
"Alice, I wanted to try something. As you all know I've been working on my gift when Edward and I were away..."
"I bet that wasn't all you were working on." Emmett interrupted and I shot him a smirk.
"Anyway. I wanted to try something, if you'd let me. I mean it's completely up to you." Alice tilted her head quizzically.
"What is it, Holls?"
"I want to see if I can...give you your human memories back," I explained even though my throat had gotten tight.
"Really? Do you think it'll work?" she gasped as she shifted on Jasper's lap, angling herself to face me directly. Her face was so eager that I almost regretted my words. What if I couldn't do it? What if nothing happened and she was left disappointed?
I shook those doubts away. I had tried this before only it had been with a human memory Edward couldn't remember and his memories weren't as tightly hidden as Alice's.
"I don't know, honestly. But I thought I could try. If you don't want to I completely understand."
"Are you kidding? Of course I want to try. Oh God, Holly, if this works..." He voice broke off as her voice shook. She beamed at me although her eyes were glassy with tears she couldn't shed.
"Are you sure, Darlin'? Like Holly says she's not positive it will work. And if it does we don't know what will turn up." Jasper reasoned into the silence. The whole family was sitting anxiously watching as I held Alice's hands in mine, waiting for her decision.
"If it doesn't work then I lose nothing Jasper, I've never had memories so it would make no difference. But if it does. Just imagine. I could see my mother, my father; I could know who I was before."
"We don't know the consequences, Alice. I'm not sure if we should try this before testing Holly's gift." Carlisle added but Alice's hands tightened around mine.
"This is what I want, Carlisle." She said definitively. "What do I need to do, Holly?" Alice asked, her golden eyes set seriously on mine.
"OK. I need you to think as far back as you can, right to the point where darkness comes." I clutched her hands in mine as she closed her eyes and her face creased with concentration.
As we sat there with our hands joined I watched as Alice's vampire life flashed through my mind. It was like watching a movie in rewind from the conversation we had just had right the way back through the years with the Cullens, the years without them, the meeting with Jasper, the desolate time before him, the fight against her thirst, the times when that fight failed her. On and on it went in high speed until I felt the agony of the change and I found myself drifting in darkness. There was nothing, just static and blankness. This was where my mind would have to stretch to its limits, my gift tested to its extreme. When I had rediscovered one of Edward's lost human memories it had been hard but easy at the same time. I could feel it hovering in the static, I could see it blurring in the darkness. But here, in Alice's mind, there was nothing.
"It's so blank." I murmured as I became accustomed to the nothingness.
"There's no pressure, Holly." Edward spoke but his voice was distant. I was so submerged in Alice's memory that reality was a far distant place to me now.
"There has to be something here. Something." I was working on the idea that if you delete a file on a computer, and delete it from the recycle bin then it may seemed gone but it isn't—not completely. Sometimes there is a ghost left over. And sometimes you can find that ghost with a recovery program and you can get back the file that was lost.
I expanded my mind, growing into the space surrounding me. I was searching for the edges, the places where new memories formed, or perhaps the place where the old ones were hidden.
I kept growing until I felt a pressure in my mind, the pressure of being blocked, confined.
I heard Alice's distant scream but it barely touched me.
"Holly, Holly, stop you're hurting her." Carlisle's voice intervened but just at that moment I felt something, it tickled my mind, weak but present.
"No. It's here. I can't stop." I ground out as I pressed on further.
I heard growls and a commotion in the back of my mind but it seemed so far off, as if I were underwater or caught within a bubble.
I searched tentatively for the weak little memory that caught my attention. It seemed like hours, like searching for a keyhole in pitch darkness. I was scrabbling and pushing but finally I found it.
A tiny hole in the darkness, a speck of something other than the black that filled my mind.
I smiled as I tugged at the area around the hole, expanding it, tearing it open.
Soon it was large enough for me to reach through. And when I did, when I reached into that place and pulled back, it all came tumbling out.
"Mama, mama, look!" I said as I held a china doll in my hand, her hair was brushed and I'd changed her clothes. She couldn't wear a frilly dress for a tea party; she had to wear the powder blue one.
A woman turned to look at me as I sat on my bed, looking over her shoulder as she fussed with my wardrobe.
"She looks beautiful, Mary." The woman said as she came over and bent to kiss my forehead, her long black braid tickling my face. She smelt like apricots and flour. She was my mother, I knew that. It was a feeling set deep within me.
I gasped as I swam in the memories.
Sunday service, I'm in a white frothy dress and my long dark hair is held back with a white hair band. I'm holding Celia's little hand in mine as we sing hymns. She's holding her battered teddy in her other. She's my living doll. Mama let me dress her today, so she's in my old lilac part dress. Pops thought it was a little too extravagant for church, but Mama loved my choice.
"It's not real, Mary. You just have to ignore it," mama said sadly as she stroked my cheek. I'd woken from a nightmare again. It was filled with darkness, and pain, and strange people in white coats. I'd had so many of these dreams, and they seemed so real. Then there were times when I saw something happen to Mama or Pops, or Celia, but I saw it not with my eyes, but with my mind. And I saw it before it happened. Mama hated it. I could see it in her eyes. And Pops, he didn't speak of it. He ignored it, ignored Mama, and ignored me.
"I love you, Mama." I whispered as I watched her cry. She leant forward and kissed my forehead, but she didn't say anything, she just left me in the darkness.
"No! No! I don't want to go! Mama, please, don't make me!" I screamed as I looked over the man's shoulder towards the porch way of my house. Cecelia was standing between Mama and Pops, they were hugging and the tears on Mama's face ruined her pretty features.
"Mama, why does Mary have to go?" Cecelia asked as she tugged on Mama's cream linen skirt.
"Mary's not well, Cissy." Mama said but it's distant as the man carrying me walks on despite my kicks and screams.
"Does she have a cold, Mama?" Cissy asked and I screamed that I didn't. I screamed that I was good, that I didn't mean to make Mama cry. I scream and cry until my eyes run dry.
I jumped from Alice's mind as the volume of her human memories threatens to smother me. There were so many that were happy, so many sunny days and sunny smiles. But then the darkness came like rolling clouds smothering everything in their wake. There was sadness and desperation, but even in those times there was a little spark of happiness. I knew that spark wasn't based on circumstance or the situation; it was just because Alice was Alice and that spark was innate to her.
My eyes flew open and I saw Alice sat her eyes glazed over. She had moved from her position on Jasper's lap, but that wasn't because she moved. It was because Jasper had moved. He was being held back by Emmett and Carlisle, his eyes black with worry and anger. Opposite him and closest to me was Edward in the same state as Jasper, except he had Esme and Rosalie grasping at him.
"What happened?" I asked as Jasper's eyes darted furiously to Alice and back to me.
"She was screaming. You should have stopped. What have you done?" He growled and Edward hissed n warning.
"It worked." I murmured as I cast a doubtful glance at Alice. She still hadn't moved. I had done the right thing, hadn't I?
"What happened, Holly? What's happening to her?" Carlisle asked as he held Jasper.
"I found them, there's so many, and they're remarkable. Absolutely fascinating." I breathed as I went to touch Alice's hand.
I touched on her mind and I could see the memories still spilling forth, rearranging themselves into order within her vampire mind.
"She's just adjusting. There was a lot to figure out."
"She's fine, Jasper. I promise." Edward explained as he calmed himself down.
"Let me go." Jasper said in a flat voice. Emmett checked with Carlisle who nodded. Jasper was at Alice's side in an instant, wrapping her in his arms as he searched her signs of injury.
We each sat down and waited with baited breath for Alice to come around. It felt like hours. It felt like the time would never end.
But eventually she woke up, her eyes cleared, and her blank expression sprang to life. In a second she was Alice again.
She leapt at me and wrapped her little arms around my neck. I could feel her sobs hitting the side of my neck and I brushed her hair as I held her.
"Thank you, Holly. Thank you so much." She sniffed as she laughed in my arms. I called Jasper forward with my hand and he wrapped his arms around Alice's back, the two of us surrounding her.
I looked up into Jasper's eyes and the gratitude there nearly knocked me down.
My mind took me back to a time that seemed so far from now.
Jasper talked about meeting Alice and the feeling he got when he met her. Like fate.
"It felt so right to be near her, to hold her hand. Like it was missing from me all this time and I finally found it." He smiled; I rubbed my palm as I felt as if something should have been there.
"I wanted to give her everything. Anything to keep that smile on her beautiful pixie face" His eyes glowed with love and my heart swelled knowing Alice had everything she could ever want sitting in this man next to me.
Sadness swept over him briefly.
"What's wrong Jazz?"
"I can't give her the one thing that would make her complete. I know she doesn't mind all that much that she can't remember her change but I think it bothers her that she doesn't remember her human life. Her family. If she had any friends. Her ambitions."
As if Jasper had seen what I was remembering he nodded and smiled and said a heartfelt thank you.
I released Alice and she turned into Jasper's arms as I felt Edward hold me in his.
I had been a part of this family for fifteen years, give or take, and I had always felt immense gratitude for the way they accepted me and loved me regardless of the mistakes I'd made. I'd promised to pay them back and after all these years I'd finally found a way to do it. It wasn't material possessions or extravagant displays of emotion. But I knew to give Alice back her memories was something worth more to all of us as a whole than anything I could have bought.
As I saw Alice recounting her memories to the family—the looks on their faces and the joy in her eyes—I had never felt more settled, more at peace. This was where I belonged. This was where I wanted to spend my forever.
This was my happily ever after.
The End