A/N: I originally started this chapter quite awhile, sadly got STUCK AGAIN (I know generally what I want to happen, but not what I want to happen in between that.) So it took a lot longer getting out than I intended and for that I sincerely apologize. Anyway, there's nothing much I can do about it now, other than getting this update out. Oh, and just a side note: I put something in here about Rinoa's dad being in intensive care, and when my grandfather was in there we could visit him whenever we wanted because it was more serious (though of course sometimes they'd only let so many in at a time, depending on which part he was in) but when he was in a regular room on a normal level, out of intensive care, we had to wait for regular visiting hours. So, that's what I'm using for this chapter and however many others where her dad is in the hospital.

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to SquareSoft/Enix.

Addicted

EilayAdnayVolieay

Chapter Thirty-Five: One Day You'll Know

(Squall's POV)

You are not going insane. Squall thought to himself. He walked over and sat on one of the benches outside the hospital. She hugged you, you couldn't exactly push away from her. It would be... mean, considering the fact that she's still obviously upset about her dad. You did what felt... natural... ugh. Who am I kidding. Squall sighed and put his head down into his hands.

Only a few minutes previously, he had been hugged by Rinoa. Once again, he had found himself not pushing her away, and this time, not even the slightest thought to push her away entered his mind. He was shocked and surprised at first — it had been unexpected — and then... he had wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back.

Not only that, he had asked to stay with her — for how long, he didn't even know — and now he was waiting for her. What had gotten into him? When he had gone outside for air after talking to Katie, he had been trying to sort out all of his thoughts. And, worst of all, his parents had heard him asking to stay with Rinoa and felt the need to give them 'privacy'. He had noticed them backing out and he was sure Rinoa had as well. Privacy... why would I need privacy? It's not as if it was something embarrassing, or... maybe that's who they meant when Rinoa asked why 'he' would want to be alone, was... me. So... she talks about me with my parents when I'm not around?

Squall lifted his head up and leaned back in the bench. He wasn't sure if he should be concerned or at least slightly flattered — though of course flattery wasn't really something he was used to feeling, and to him seemed closer to nausea than anything.

Worse yet, he had allowed himself to talk to her in front of his parents. It wouldn't have been a big deal if they hadn't kept giving him those weird looks, all smiling and acting all knowing about the situation (whatever the situation might be). He just... found he couldn't stop. Who would of thought I of all people would have problems with stopping myself from talking

Rinoa... God, even saying your name confuses me. If only...

"Sorry about that, Squall." Squall jumped, startled as he suddenly heard the voice of the person he had just been thinking about. He looked up and saw Rinoa staring down at him, before she finally decided to take a seat next to him. Squall flinched at the sudden closeness and slid away from her a bit on the bench. She gave him a questioning look but didn't say anything.

"It's... okay. So, how was he?" Squall asked quietly. Quiet. His voice always got quiet when she was around it seemed. Or soft, or... Shut-up! Squall closed his eyes tightly trying to stop his thoughts.

"He was... okay. I stopped the doctor on the way back, asked how long he would need to be on that medication. They said that particular kind was just for getting rid of the infection, and after that he'd just be on standard pain killers as long as what is necessary. I mentioned about how he was tired, but they said that was probably just the way he was, and not the medicine causing it."

"So... what now?" Squall asked, taking a chance and looking at her. He felt a swooping sensation in his stomach and suddenly wished he had just stared at his shoes instead. Rinoa stood up and put her hands on her hips.

"Well, they're moving him out of intensive care, so we have to wait for regular visiting hours now. I guess that means we have until... two in the afternoon." It was still very early in the morning — the sun was finally starting to light up the sky. Two in the afternoon was still so far away... were they going to be hanging out the entire time?

Rinoa slowly started to walk away, and Squall stared after her. In a few moments time, she was turning around and staring at him.

"Aren't you coming?" She asked. Squall stood up and caught up to her.

"Coming where?" He asked her, as she resumed walking. Rinoa smiled at him.

"I haven't figured that part out yet."

"Oh, we should get breakfast!" Rinoa exclaimed suddenly. Squall looked up at her tiredly. They had walked along the outskirts of Deling at least three times by now, unsure of what they should do. When he had asked if he could stay with her, he had expected that she had some sort of plan as to what she wanted to do in Deling.

He had assumed wrong.

"Sure, breakfast sounds... good." Squall said finally. He still wasn't used to this. They had talked a bit while wandering around, but it still hadn't gotten past the initial awkward stage that they were in. Of course, at least Rinoa had an excuse — her... deeper feelings towards him could be an excuse for any difficulty she may have in talking to him. Him, on the other hand, really had no reason. At least, other than the fact that he wasn't used to talking to anyone.

He could probably ask questions — her interest in music, even. Now that he thought about it, he was surprised to realize he had no idea what kind of music she liked, or anything about her, other than the fact that she was from Deling, her father was an important authority figure in Galbadia, and he had recently been in intensive care.

That, and she happened to live in his house. He wasn't even going to begin exploring THAT idea.

"What are you thinking about?" Squall looked up and realized Rinoa had stopped walking, and was staring up at him. He shrugged.

"...nothing." He said after awhile, continuing to walk. Rinoa rolled her eyes, and jogged in front of him before stopping and putting her hand out to stop him from going any further.

"You know, I can tell when you're getting lost in your own little world. When you think, you have a tendency to frown like this..." She trailed off momentarily mimicking his expression, "— and aside from getting extremely quiet, you also tend to stare in one direction for a really long time." Squall crossed his arms and looked off to the side. He really had to stop being so predictable — it could be extremely infuriating.

"I was just..." Just what? Thinking about her? There was no way he would be admitting that one anytime soon. "Wondering where exactly you were taking me. You've been very vague." He added. It hadn't been a total lie – though that hadn't been exactly what he had been thinking of at the moment, it was still in general something he had thought recently.

"Well... to be honest, I'm not really sure. I was kind of hoping we might pass some place that would stand out, but... well, since we haven't walked into any restaurants, you can probably guess that there hasn't exactly been any places that screamed out to me."

"...what about there?" Squall asked, pointing to a restaurant that everyone else walking along the sidewalks seemed to be passing. Rinoa smiled.

"Perfect!" She said, heading towards it. Squall frowned — what exactly had he gotten himself into?

"...how can you NOT like chocolate chip pancakes?" Rinoa asked as they left the restaurant, sounding clearly astonished. Squall smirked slightly, and turned his head away in hopes that she wouldn't notice. Rinoa had ordered chocolate chip pancakes — which was apparently not only her favourite, but also the breakfast special for that day.

"— I don't really like pancakes." Squall admitted. Rinoa stared at him, shock evident on her face.

"— I don't think we can be friends anymore." She said, sounding as serious as he was sure she could manage. Squall rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure my heart will be broken." He muttered sarcastically. Rinoa watched him in fascination.

"A joke. An actual joke. It may not be the first, but..." She trailed off and Squall rolled his eyes.

"Fine. No more jokes." Squall said. ...I take back what I thought earlier. I'd much rather have her not talking than teasing me.

"I'm only kidding, Squall. Well... only somewhat." Rinoa added as an afterthought. They continued walking, still unsure of their destination. "Hey, Squall?" Rinoa asked suddenly. Squall stopped walking and turned towards her.

"...yeah?" She suddenly looked very vulnerable.

"Would you come somewhere with me?" She asked him quietly. Squall stared at her, confused.

"Isn't that... what I'm doing right now?" He asked her. She smiled faintly and shook her head.

"I meant... somewhere important to me. I haven't been there for a long time." She looked down at the ground sadly, and Squall, not used to dealing with this sort of situation, awkwardly put his hand on her arm.

"Sure. Where are we going?" He asked softly. Rinoa pointed towards a hill off in the distance. It was where Deling began to transition to the more rural areas.

"My... my mother's grave. The cemetery where she is buried is just past that hill. You... sure you don't mind coming with me?" Her mother's grave? Of course... she must be missing her mother a lot, after she thought she nearly lost her dad. Squall nodded.

"I'm sure. Let's go." He began walking forward, but stopped upon realizing Rinoa had not followed him. She was still staring up at the hill, standing in the same spot. He looked at the hill again, before turning to her and reaching for her hand. "Come on," He said gently. Once she started to walk with him, he immediately released her hand. She glanced at him for a moment, but didn't seem to pay too much attention to it as they continued to walk in silence.

Squall had lost his own mother before he had ever really gotten to know her. He knew that it could be difficult, yet he didn't know... what he could say to Rinoa that would help. Everything he had done today, every action he made and everything he had been thinking, was all new to him.

Did she expect him to say something? Was she waiting for him to comfort her, to tell her that everything would be okay? Maybe that's what she wants, but... I can't lie. I don't know anything for sure. And besides, I don't know what to say. If she's looking for someone to comfort her and offer advice, she's asking the wrong person. I can't do any of that stuff. There's really... nothing I can do for her. That shouldn't bother me — I've never really wanted to do anything for anyone.

They climbed up the hill, and Squall saw at the bottom of it was the cemetery that Rinoa had spoke of before. He glanced at her, and was surprised to see there were no tears in her eyes. Though she looked sad, she wasn't going to cry. He felt relieved — he had seen her cry before, and it was always awkward for him, knowing he was expected to do something, anything, but not really understanding the mechanics behind that desire. Why did people want to be comforted? How did it really help them?

"You'd think that when I lived here, so close to her grave, that... I would have come more." Rinoa said, finally breaking the silence that had fallen over them. She walked ahead and stopped at one of the gravestones, kneeling down beside it. "Yet... I never really did. Maybe on the anniversary of... that day. But I never came here, and sometimes, I... I feel guilty for that. I should want to — but often, I try not to even think about it. Do... do you think that's wrong? To push it in the back of my mind?" She turned to him, and he knew she wasn't just asking it to get it off her chest — she wanted an answer. What do you want from me, Rinoa? I... I don't know what to tell you.

"...I don't think it's wrong." He said finally, sighing. "We... all deal with things differently. If that's your way of dealing with your mother's death, then that's the way you have to deal with it." It wasn't much of an answer — it might not even comfort her. But it was all he really knew to say.

"You went to see your mothers grave, that time we went to Winhill, right?" Rinoa asked him suddenly. Went to Winhill... that seems like ages ago.

"Yeah. I normally go whenever we're out there. I... normally prefer to be by myself, though. Nico and Laguna either go before, or after I do. But that doesn't mean anything," He added, realizing what she was probably thinking. "Just because I don't have issues going there — I... never really knew my mother. I guess... you didn't know yours that well, either, but you remember things. How she looked, how she acted..." Squall trailed off. All he had was pictures of his mother.

"I'm sorry, Squall." Rinoa apologized. He turned to her, confused.

"...we're at your mothers grave side, you're upset, and you're apologizing to me?" He asked her, confused.

"For... bringing up your mother. I wasn't... thinking, when I..." She shook her head and smiled weakly.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe... some day, I'll... let you come with me to see my mother's grave." He looked away, frowning suddenly. What exactly had made him say that? His mothers grave was something special to him, and the way he acted when he got near it... it was the reason why he had never wanted anyone else around. It embarrassed him to feel so vulnerable. What was he doing, saying that there may be an open invitation for Rinoa to come with him sometime?

"—I'd like that. But only if you really wanted to. Um, Squall? Would you mind... leaving me alone for a couple of minutes?" Rinoa asked him. Squall nodded.

"Sure. I'll be back in ten minutes — but I'll be just over there if you want to leave before then." He walked away, deciding to move as far away as possible from Rinoa. He didn't want to feel like he was invading on her privacy.

A/N: Okay... the ending of this was definitely just thrown in randomly. I have no idea how it'll fare with you guys, whether you'll like the way this chapter went or hate it. But it's been awhile since I updated, and I really was just getting stuck towards the second half and the cemetery scene made it a bit easier. Spur of the moment ideas don't always blow up in your face. Though I guess the true indicator of that would be how you guys liked this chapter.

Just a random side note... upon re-playing Final Fantasy VIII, I noticed in the... I can't remember what it's called, the information section where you can check out information regarding locations and some characters, and stuff like that? It actually tells you that Julia Heartilly died in a car accident when Rinoa was 4 (or was it 5?... Can't remember now.) I just saw that for the first time recently — yet when I started this story, I said it was a car accident. I must have read another fanfiction before writing this story that briefly mentioned it, but I thought it was kind of neat regardless. Anyways, R&R, even if you hated the chapter.