I'M CRYING THIS IS ABSOLUTELY AWFUL AND I'M SO SORRY BUT I HAD TO WRITE A CRACK FIC. I HAD TO.

I asked a Tumblr genius to come up with an ideal ship for Jean Armstrong, and who would fit better with Jean than a possibly male possibly female individual who is also in crippling debt, speaks ridiculously, has rather strange socialising tactics, has been in prison at least once and LOVES aromatic smells? (Besides Charley, of course.)

So now I neglect my duty to actually work on my list so that I can write this beautiful work of art.

Eeenjoy! ;D

(O)

"How DARE you do this to ME!" I elegantly told the guard who was attempting to lock me up in this insane asylum. "I should at LEAST get a solitary cell, not have to share a ROOM with some PEASANT!"

"Then you shouldn't have killed the alderman," some snot-nosed brat dared to tell me.

"I'll be CALLING my lawyer!" I threatened him.

"You're beyond a lawyer's help now, L'Belle. So why don't you take a moment to say hello to your new roommate? I've heard he's quite charming," the ugly officer replied.

"That's INCONCEIVABLE!"

"I don't think that word means what you think it means. Now get in there. If you don't cooperate, I'll axe-bomb your cell later."

"Give me DEATH before you give me that AWFUL canned stench!"

"Then get in your cell."

I finally obliged, and upon entering, I heard a rather attractive French voice. "Oh la la… A visitor?"

"They DARED to lock me up… So I'm HARDLY a visitor."

"Then I welcome zee to la belle cell." A man stood up, clenching a rose between his teeth, and my jaw dropped. The man's fashion sense was superb: the simple pink hues balanced his creamy complexion, and his hair was like curled gold.

"How did an ANGEL like you end up HERE?"

"Oh la la… Ze times of poverty, they struck me. Ze debt, it consumed me. I obtained a few items in order to raise myself up, but oh la la! Zey locked me up like some sort of criminal!"

"Oh, I know EXACTLY what you mean. I tried to steal a MEASLY piece of gold to help fund my PERSONAL brand of cosmetics, but they don't know the true value of BEAUTY."

"You are the essence of beauty, monsieur. Zey don't matter now. Zey are fools of dirt, but we are fools of love."

Inching towards him, I smelled his beard. "You have the BEST taste in smell," I told him. "It's so SIMPLE, but so REFINED."

"Ah, a man's smell comes straight from ze heart. You too smell of ze smell of love."

"Oh, how RUDE of me… I never asked for your name."

"Jean Armstrong," he breathed. "Et toi?"

"I am L'Belle—Florent L'Belle."

"Ah, L'Belle has arrived in la belle cell! This is a day of celebration!"

"YES… Shall we COMMENCE?"

His mouth moved toward me, and I met him halfway, feeling his soft, curly beard of gold tickle under my chin. His strong arms caressed me as we passionately embraced, our distinctive smells mixing into one of pure delight. Just breathing in that scent made all of the troubles of my life melt away, and I was there in his arms.

WSHHHHHHHHHH

"UGH!" I yelled, fully keeping my dignity.

"Oh la la!" my French companion cried. The room began to smell horrible as the scent of middle school boys filled the cell.

"How DARE you RUIN this moment?!" I cried.

"Should I have AXE'd first?" the guard mocked.

"I DEMAND compensation! This is CRUEL and UNUSUAL punishment, at its very definition!"

"What's cruel and unusual is having to listen to you two making out during my shift," the waste of flesh replied.

"Ze sound of love cannot be drowned out by ze smell of hate," Jean said, looking into my eyes.

"Oh, Jean…" I sighed. His lips met mine, and I tried to show my passion for this angel as loudly as possible. I saw the guard cover his ears out of the corner of my eye, so I continued to bask in the sweet purity of this man.

Yes, not even Axe could separate me from my love.