Horrified

The explosion ripped through the building sending large plumes of smoke and dust into the super heated air, and sent those on the outside looking on at the growing horror scrambling for what little cover there was.

Kelly grimaced as he lifted himself from the fragile ground having to wait momentarily as his vision cleared from its blurred state, and his ears rang painfully. He looked around at his men seeing them in all various states but with relief they were all getting to their feet. "Brett!" She was the only one that he could not see and she had been bought into stabilize a patient before they moved them but now there was only debris where he had last seen her. "Brett! Sylvie! Call out!" The rest of the men came to the sudden realisation that he had as they began searching, calling out only to receive no answer, and the pit of fear coiled deep inside of him almost making him collapse.

"Sylvie! Sylvie!" As frantically yet as strategically as he could, he began pulling at the debris that he was sure she was buried under as the high pitched scream of a pass alarm blared despite being restricted. "Severide!" There was a shocked gasp from Cruz as his name was called from across the either side of the debris and as quickly and as carefully as he could he scrambled to where Cruz was knelt down with Capp who both moved out of the way.

"No, no, no Sylvie." Kelly was at her side within seconds but he knew that she was dead even without checking for her pulse. The large pool of blood under her head didn't matter as he picked her up, cradling her still warm body in his arms, as the tears made their way down his soot covered face leaving tracks…

Sylvie woke abruptly to Kelly thrashing violently beside her getting himself all twisted up in the sheets and his haunting cries of 'no, no, no Sylvie' as they echoed around the dark and silent bedroom as Kelly was deep in the throes of a nightmare and unable to wake himself up from it. She quickly turned the bedside lamp on to its softest setting before she untangled herself from the bedding and moved closer to Kelly seeing the tears tracking down his paled skin.

"Kelly, honey, it's okay… just open your eyes for me honey." She spoke softly not wanting to startle him but wanting to wake him up from his nightmare as quickly as possible. She reached her hands out letting one caress the bare skin of his chest that was slick with perspiration while her other hand took a hold of his hand that was closest to her and carefully untangled it from the bedding that he had a tight hold on. "Kelly, wake up!" She said a little more forcefully that she cared too but he was becoming more frantic in his movements as his chest heaved almost to the point of pain.

With a large gasp his eyes were wide open and his chest heaved as he finally woke up, finally away from the throws of his nightmare. He scrambled to sit up as his eyes frantically darted around the room almost unseeing as his terrified brain tried to settle him into reality. "It's okay, you're okay honey, and you were having a nightmare, it's okay. I'm right here, I promise, just breathe for me honey, nice slow breathes." Her soft voice coached him to calm down and get control of his erratic breathing although neither of them could not pretend to notice just how hard and fast his heart was beating almost hammering against his ribcage.

"S-S-Sylvie." His choked call of her name broke her heart as he turned to look at her not even trying to hide the tears that were freely falling down his face and dripping off his chin to the sheet below.

"I'm here, I'm right here Kelly." She moved very slowly as his hands gently found their way to her waist and tugged at her which she allowed as she crawled into his lap with her knees on either side of his legs. With slow moments she moved her hands to take hold of his face using her thumbs to brush away the tears that were still falling.

He pressed himself forward into her body until his face was pressed into the crook of her neck and he focused on trying to calm his ragged breathing as his arms slipped around her back and he tightened his hold on her. He was a man in need of his anchor, and that was the beautiful woman in his arms that was very much alive.

"That's good honey, nice and slow." Sylvie kept her voice soft and quiet as she let her hands mindlessly caress his tense bare back and up into the base of his hair. She could feel how scared he was, how his muscles were tense and how his body shuddered involuntarily against hers, and she knew that his entire body would be aching from the tension and harsh thrashing that it had been involuntarily subjected too. She could feel his hot rapid breaths on her skin and although he had calmed significantly so that he was not at the point of hyperventilating his breathing was still dangerously fast. "You're safe honey." She assured him concerned that he was having nightmares; it was not that he had them often but when he did have them they were torturous and left a mark on him for days almost scarring him. She knew that she had to approach the subject with caution so that the man she loved did not feel embarrassed or ashamed or unable to express himself but right now what was most important was holding him as tightly as she could and getting him to calm down as much as he could whilst reassuring him that it was just a nightmare and that it was not real.

Minutes passed slowly but at least he was calming in her arms although she was not sure how voluntary it was or rather that his body was physically exhausted and was succumbing to that exhaustion. Either way Sylvie was not about to let go of him nor was she going to stop speaking softly in reassurance that he was okay, they were okay, and that it was okay. She glanced over sparingly at the alarm clock and even in the softened yellow lightening of the room the bright red numbers still stood out: 02:16. Knowing the time also meant she knew that neither of them would be getting anymore sleep as he would absolutely refuse to despite how exhausted he was and she would not be able to sleep knowing that he was so shaken. She also knew that he would end up in the shower to get rid of the sweat that now coated every inch of his skin and if she did not make sure that he got out then he would stay under the stream of water well after it had become frigid. There were things to do while he was in the shower too like change the sheets so that when he finally did decide to go back to bed which would be several hours later and only with her curled up in arms then it would be ready, and in those hours between him getting out of the shower and finally coaxing him back into bed to sleep they would lay on the couch together with him curled into her and doing everything he could to remain awake so that the nightmares could not come to haunt him again.

He could feel his own body physically trembling and he felt a distain that his body was portraying him in such a physical and visual way. The brutal horror of his nightmare left him reeling in the worst way as he could not get the visual of Sylvie lying dead in a large pool of dark red blood against her near translucent skin even though he could feel the warmth of her skin against his own, the light almost dancing movements of her hands, and hear her soft voice as she reassured him without fail or doubt. And there was the realisation that he was soaked in sweat and so were the sheets as they had stuck to his body in the most disgustingly uncomfortable manner, along with the feeling of absolute discomfort deep within his bones from the panic that had manifested itself so physically as the ache blossomed in every part of him. A part of him wanted to push Sylvie away from him so that she did not see him in the state that his mental torture had sent him into and so that she was not covered in his sweat but he could not bring himself to let her go, not after the scene that his mind had conjured up although he could not explain where it had come from.

"Sylvie." His voice was gravelly and barely above a whisper against her warm skin. He did not have the energy to lift his head up nor did he want to look into her eyes just yet.

"I am here Kelly, I am not going anywhere." She reassured him softly yet firmly as her hands made another pass over his slick back and up into his scalp.

"I'm sorry." He managed to lift his head away from the crook of her neck but he would not look at her as he apologised for waking her up, for being weak, for having a nightmare.

Her hands once against made their way to his face and she cupped his cheeks beneath her own palms making him look up at her so that he understood and felt the importance of what she was about to say. "There is nothing to apologise for, you never have to apologise for this honey." She reassured him hating how he felt the need to apologise and although he did not define what he was apologising for she knew him well enough to know. She felt as he shook his head lightly but made no further movement instead he was working on settling himself and deciding what was next; it was a process that they had been through before and every time it ended the same way.

"How about you go have a shower and then we will go and lie on the couch and watch some tele?" It was easiest to take any decisions from him knowing that he was still shaken and struggling with calming himself down completely although she knew that some nights he preferred to sit with her in the low lit lounge with nothing to disturb them but tonight was not one of those nights.

"Yeah." She did not miss the way he swallowed with difficulty or the way his voice trembled just from the single word spoken nor did she miss how lost he looked. He also had not released his grip from her at all which was often the most difficult thing to get him to do as he needed the physical contact to ground him. He had to move on his own time and she would never protest being held by him because it was what he needed.

"I love you Kelly." It was so easier to for her say but she truly did mean her words because she did love him, was in love with him, and it hurt her to see him struggling when he did so but a part of loving him meant hiding the pain she felt at what he was going through when he was going through it because the last thing he needed was to worry about her instead of being focused on himself.

"I love you too." His breath hitched as he spoke as he was still having trouble regaining his breath and his composure before he pressed his face back into her neck seeing the warmth and comfort that only she could offer. She let her hands drop back down to the nape of his neck but did not let them wonder instead she held him tightly to her knowing what he was seeking.