A/N: HI! Say hi to a new guest: RILEY! YAY! This chapter was a lot of fun to write. Hope you all like it as much.

THE GERBILS ARE COMING!: Why, hello! Welcome to the show! Glad you like it.

FAAIL: Well, you like twilight. Good for you, but this was never meant to piss anybody off. Edward also sparkles, which I think is stupid. Jealous of SMeyer? YOUR JUST JEALOUS OF ME COZ I HAVE 135 REVIEWS! We both know that both of the statements aren't true. So, be mature about it. Thank you for wasting a couple of minutes of your life to hate my guts. It's quite flattering. If I write worse than SMeyer (ouch) do you have any constructive advice for improvement? Thank you for telling me how you feel, but next time, don't try to tell me how I feel. Sorry I offended you .

Epic Forklift Chase Scene

Hammers, hammers. You'd be surprised to know how many different hammers Lowe's had. But still, it wasn't enough to find the perfect one to bash out Angel's pedophile brains. Hmm. Riley reached out and picked up a fire-truck red one. Now, the advantage of this color was it wouldn't show the blood. How clever.

Beep, beep, beep, beep

He ignored the sounds of somebody driving a forklift backwards down the aisle. It was unimportant compared to the task in front of him. Oo! This one had pretty flowers on it.

Behind the wheel of the forklift, Edward smiled. THIS WAS FUN! He should have came to Lowe's sooner. And the beeping was fun.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" someone called from behind him. That voice was kinda familiar. Something about pizza? Déjà vu. He looked behind him and it was a manager. Eew. Garlic breath. Yuck. Humming, he kept going.

Squelch.

Ooh, pretty noise.

Riley heard the manager shouting, and once again tried to ignore it. Couldn't they see he had a higher purpose? But when he heard the squelch, he looked up. WTF? There was some lunatic driving backwards down the aisle. When did he start doing that? Hey, was that guy okay? Stupid student drivers. Riley couldn't see much of him, but what skin he could see sparkled like a disco ball. Eew.

Edward suddenly grinned. Hey, this was his favorite song! He turned up his cheep-ass two gig sansa.

My hump, my hump, my hump my hump my hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps!

Screaming penetrated his headphones. Who the hell was screaming? Was somebody dying or something? Through the dented plastic windshield, he saw some army freak chasing him down with a camoflauge hammer. WTF? Crazy stalker fanboy. Typical.

BOOM!

The cinderblock wall appeared to have blown up as he sailed backwards through it. What lunatic would blow a wall up? Probably army freak up there. He waved and smiled at army freak. But he didn't look too happy. Did someone need a hug?

Riley sprinted after the disco ball with his nice camo hammer in hand. This kid obviously had some issues. He seemed oblivious to the world, too bad for him. Riley would be more than happy to plug his connection back in. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a hand grenade.

"Hand grenade, I CHOOSE YOU!"

He threw it with all the wrath of somone with greater purpose. Destroy pedo vampires. He could get some practice on disco ball before the real show.

BOOM!

Edward felt the grenade shake the forklift. ? Was someone throwing grenades at him? Why would they throw grenades at him? He was amazing and beatifically sparkly! Hey, was that a DENT IN HIS PAINT JOB?

Riley smiled as the forklift slowed to a halt. The driver leapt out of the seat and took off running. NO! He was getting away! He ran faster, but the disco ball was kinda fast. The air around him blurred as he sped along and put more distance between them. But then he stopped, looking at something on the ground. Small, pink, sparkly… a tricycle?

YAY! Thought Edward as he noticed the tricycle. He had always wanted one of these! He had heard they could go REALLY fast, too! Crazy army freak would never catch him like this!

Quick, Riley thought, how could he catch up? AHA! An abandoned golf cart lay on the side of the road. PERFECT! With a hoot, he leapt onto the seat and started the ignition.

Vrooooooooooooooooooooom

Squeaksqueaksqueak

"I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!"

An old lady with a walker scooted slowly past their high speed chase. A snail beat them to the stoplight, and they all stopped to wait for the red light. Eventually it turned back to green and they started again.

"YOU WILL NEVER GET ME!" laughed Edward over his shoulder. But OH NOES! There was a manhole in front of him! He hadn't seen it!

"NOOOOOOO!"

He tipped sideways of the tricycle and into the sewer.

HE WAS GETTING AWAY! NO! Riley did and uberawesomecool diveleappirouette thing out the side of the golf cart and gracefully swan dove into the manhole. The training pays off, you know. The splash echoed through the tunnel as he landed on something soft, squishy, and warm. OH NOES! It was a turd! Oh, no, it was just Edward. OH NOES! IT WAS A SPARKLY TURD!

"GET OFF ME, RAPE! RAPE!" Edward squealed.

"EEW! PEDO! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Riley squealed.

This had to end. Fumbling in his pocket, his fingers closed on a cool, round container of some sort. Another grenade? He experimentally bashed it against the pedo's head.

"BAAAAAAW!" cried Pedo.

No, not a grenade. Just the can of canned bread he carried in his pocket in case of emergencies. It clanked on the walls when he flung it over his shoulder.

There was something warm and wet on Riley's hands. Blood. Pedo's nose had broken and spilt blood. Gross. Riley felt like a vampire, like Angel. NO! BAD THOUGHT!

Something was jammed into Riley's eye. OUCH! It appeared to be attached to something, so he broke it off, electing a yelp from Pedo. Oops. There goes your middle finger, wont be flipping me off anymore, ay?

This time, when riley reached into his pocket, his fingers found the grenade with ease. He jammed it into Pedo's mouth.

Crunch, crunch.

"YUMMY!"

BOOM!

Pedo met a sad death as his head exploded. EEW! His brains were splattered all over the place. They squealched down the walls and plunked into the water.

Riley had known he should have gotten the red hammer. His camo one was stained for life. Oh well, it would still do the job on Angel. But first, a shower.

A/N: I JUST WATCHED THE SMILE TIME ANGEL EPISODE! It was funny. Angel makes a cute puppet TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK! Flame if you like.

Review, or a sparkly turd will come knocking at your door.