101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks
In this chapter Jar Jar Binks will meet his end due to a very peculiar llama from a comedic web series…let's see how things turn out for him shall we? You just might to be able to guess which one…if you do I'll give you a cookie!
Chapter 37: Llamas
Our heroes had decided to stop by at a local petting zoo this time, where several animals from several different galaxies were grazing.
"You sure we should be touching them like this? It makes me feel like I'm in danger. And I think one of the animals just went to the bathroom." Padme Amidala questioned.
"Meh, I'm sure that they're perfectly safe. Otherwise, why would the owners allow their guests to touch them?" Anakin Skywalker assured her.
"Let's hope so if we're going to kill Jar Jar Binks again in the near future. I've already had to resurrect you two using the Resurrection Book due to the fact that our killing methods had gone awry." Obi-Wan Kenobi told them.
"At least they succeeded." Qui-Gon Jinn replied.
"By the way, is there a method we could use to kill Jar Jar? I believe there has to be something we can use." Anakin suggested.
Meanwhile, C-3PO and R2-D2 were standing outside the llama section of the petting zoo, observing the large animals.
"Please be careful, R2-D2, those llamas have the ability to spit saliva projectiles with astonishing accuracy." warned C-3PO.
R2-D2 once again let out a series of beeps to acknowledge that he was listening to his friend.
Jar Jar Binks himself was nearby the llama section as well, who was happily bouncing up and down with glee at the sight of them like an excited child who had spotted a candy store. He had apparently been waiting to visit them for quite some time.
"Yay! Mesa love llamas!" squealed Jar Jar Binks. Unfortunately, despite the fact that he was getting the opportunity to see one of his favorite animals in the galaxy (and even get to touch a few of them), today would ultimately not turn out to be his lucky day.
As Jar Jar Binks went to pet several of them with his bare hands, one of the llamas came by. Oddly, he was wearing a green hat that resembled one that an elf would wear.
"Hi llama! Whoa, where did yousa get dat hat? Mesa curious." thought Jar Jar Binks as he observed the llama's strange attire.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the llama pulled out a sharp, bloody dagger using one of his hoofs. The Gungan had no idea where he had gotten such a thing.
"What da-yousa don't plan on using dat on mesa, do yousa?" questioned Jar Jar.
As a matter of the fact, the llama was intending to use that dagger on Jar Jar Binks. He proceeded to stab the Gungan in the heart at rapid speed, killing him almost instantly.
"Why llama why!" screamed Jar Jar Binks at this horrific betrayal, right before his punctured vital organ did him in.
The llama then proceeded to eat the alien's hands out of hunger, causing another llama who was wearing a hat (this one wore an oddly feminine hat even though said llama was also male) to begin to berate him for his actions.
C-3PO and R2-D2 themselves would eventually notice the bizarre incident that had happened. After trying to make an autopsy with little success, they decided to take his body and tell the others what had happened.
"I swear, the killing methods that happen to our common enemy get more and more peculiar." C-3PO thought.
R2-D2 beeped with agreement. In fact, this one was arguably the weirdest death yet. What in the galaxy could have happened to their recurring victim?
After informing our heroes of the shocking yet fortunate news, our heroes once again resurrected Jar Jar Binks using the Resurrection Book to prepare him for their next killing method.
"What could have done him in this time? Last time I checked he was at the llama exhibit. How could those llamas have killed him?" wondered Anakin Skywalker.
"Your guess is as good as mine." agreed Padme Amidala.
"I suppose that none of that matters now. Let's go look for another way to murder our friend, shall we?" suggested Obi-Wan Kenobi.
"But first, let's make another trip. I heard that the local galactic water supply is nearby and I've been feeling a bit thirsty lately." Qui-Gon Jinn recommended.
And so our heroes set off to the nearby dam, hoping to get a drink or two once they were there so that they could quench their thirst.
So, did you like this new death? The next death I've picked out for Jar Jar Binks also contains a reference or too…of course you'll probably be able to tell what movie I'm referencing after you've read it…
So until then, you'll have to wait for the next hilarious chapter of 101 Ways To Kill Jar Jar Binks…which will naturally involve killing him due to the fact that this is a Jar Jar Binks hate fic in case you haven't realized that by now.