Ch. 35
The emotions aren't always immediately subject to reason, but they are always immediately subject to action
-William James
"Greet your… can talk later." I catch parts of Jerus's conversation.
Tali approaches me, genuinely happy to see I'm ok… but… I put on a fake smile, one of those I hate. I'm dead inside right now… it's that feeling that makes you just move through the motions of life without out any spirit behind it.
"Will!" She says when she gets close and wraps her arms around me. I don't feel my usual joy when hugged by someone I like… I feel weak, but I hug her back.
"It's good to see you are all right…" I let her go. I know my smiles fake… but I'm good at faking it now. "I've missed you."
"We have a lot to talk about," She says it in that happy tone, meaning let's catch-up on what's been happening in each others worlds. I repeated the words in my head, 'we have a lot to talk about…' but it's a bit more sinister in my head, I mean… I glance at Jerus… there is actually one main subject I'd want to talk about. How and why? When?
"We do," I respond simply continuing my fake smile.
"Tali," Garrus mercifully cuts in, "It's good to see you."
"Garrus," She greets him, "you don't look too good."
"I was just getting shot at so… I'm doing better than most." Garrus laughs.
"Tali," Shepard nods… she's military mode at the moment. I don't know if it's because of what we just saw or, if she's just in that at the moment.
"Shepard," Tali walks over to her, "it's been a while."
"Tali, we need your help," Shepard begins…
"You've come to recruit her." Jerus says approaching.
"Shepard let me introduce Jerus'Bailan vas Alem," Tali chooses facilitate introductions. "A… friend of mine."
"What were you doing here if you don't mind me asking," Shepard cuts the subject suddenly.
"Gathering data on this worlds sun, it is aging faster than it should," She begins.
"Was it worth it?" Shepard asks on the offensive, "quarians died for this data."
"More would have without Will," Jerus cuts in deflecting the conversation, "if he hadn't arrived when he did Prazza and I would be dead, blown up or crushed by a column, whichever got the final hit."
"How was Prazza's group?" I ask Jerus.
"When we passed through they seemed fine, didn't want to unlock the door and almost came to a fist fight…"
"Almost?" Prazza's voice enters the room, and a holographic representation of his face, his helmet with a small crack in it.
"Grunt what do you say," Shepard looks over at him.
"Sorry," then Grunt does his signature laugh. Can't doubt his sincerity, and obviously he didn't hit him hard, I mean his head is still attached… more of a love tap it seems.
"That was not sincere," he responds.
Jerus turns to the hologram, "See to the injured and get them onto the ship, I'll tell you more when you need to know."
The hologram fizzles out.
"Tali we need your help, with the collector's…" Shepard adds, "I need people I can trust." The words are truthful; with non-personal things we can trust each other, when lives are at stake we can trust each other…
"I'm in," Tali says easily enough. "We have our data and you saved my team so I can't think of a better thank you than to return the favor and help you with your mission."
"I know we just met but I want to help as well," Jerus adds.
"Jerus…"
"What can you do?"
"I'm a scientist and a soldier, I've got degrees in twelve different fields from xeno-biology to cybernetics, I invented the grenades Will used to take out the Colossus."
"I thought you said those were still experimental," Tali turns to him accusingly… wow I hedged my last bet in a fight on experimental technology.
"I haven't gotten the frequency quite right to shock organic neural patterns, for now they only work on synthetics." He responds. "And no that's not a feature it's a flaw, we get into more fights with raiders and slavers than we do with geth, and tuned properly they could be used to non lethally take down groups." He notices us staring at him.
"I can help and I will in any way I can."
"What would your admirals say?" Shepard asks him, not worrying about what they'd say about Tali because… She's Shepard that's why.
"Nothing, I work voluntarily on these missions," He responds, "and I know what you're up against." "Tali told me about her journey's with you and about the Reapers… I want to help."
"One moment." Shepard turns back to me and Garrus and we form a huddle. "I want your personal opinions and professional opinions."
"Both? "I don't want him on board but then again I'm kind of biased against him at this moment so… "Personally, I…" I consider the fact he dragged me all the way here, and likely had to fight his way through geth while making sure I stayed alive… the bastard… making me owe him… "Don't have much to say, he saved my life and I have to appreciate that." I hate his guts and wish to push him out of an airlock. "Professionally he can fight from what I've seen and if he's half as smart as he says he is he could be useful."
"He seems trustworthy but…"
"He's trying to hard to get onto the Normandy," Shepard finishes.
"That might be because of Tali," I remark tearing my soul out at the same time. I hate owing someone my life, means I have to hate them less even when they've taken someone I care about… That sounds like I think she's dead.
Shepard turns towards Tali and Jer-douche; "All right we'll bring him aboard… on a probationary status…"
"Shepard, I doubt he'd be worse than Jack… or even Grunt," Grunt looks over at me, "Tell me you're not one of the most violent beings in the galaxy."
"Eh," he bobs his head in agreement.
"Don't make me regret this," Shepard says to Tali with force, that means more than just the current issue.
"You won't," Jerus cuts between Shepard and Tali and starts shaking Shepard's hand vigorously. "This is awesome," He grabs Tali and spins while hugging her… and… it hurts…
I… hurt.
"Kal!" Tali suddenly says bringing Jerus out of his revelry.
"He's fine, his condition is stable I made sure of it he's just waiting to get off planet."
"A bit tired of waiting around," Aforementioned Kal says limping into the room, his suit has what appears to be duct tape covering certain openings… though I'm fairly certain it's a more advanced sealant than that…
"Kal," Tali says again rushing over and giving him a light hug.
"Ouch, I'm fine ma'am." I can hear the wince in his voice and all I can think of is… been there and I smile a bit…
That brief second of levity fades and I'm left numb again. I can't help myself it's just… I didn't expect this to happen. I mean I can barely accept people changing their hairstyles or wearing contacts instead of glasses… but Tali has a boyfriend! And he's not me…
I keep the smile, "We should get going shouldn't we?" I suggest. I want off this planet I want to go onto the Normandy and hide somewhere. I want to be left to be the angsty super soldier I seem to be becoming… Then I'll go hit Grunt… my daily workout routine… whining then getting punched in the face by a krogan… What happened to me?
NO, not now brain, later… we'll try to get that question answered later for now, fake smile and try and rush everyone out the door. "I'll get everyone home safe," Kal assures Tali who seemed to be about to say something. "I'll also make sure they accept this, these people saved us least we can o is return the favor and let them borrow you two."
I get most everyone through the door but Reegar stops me, "Keep her safe for us."
I nod, "Of course."
And I zombie walk my way out, we pass the quarians who all mostly come to thanks us… even Prazza though he gets a bit flinch when Grunt walks by, and I'm sure they're saying things that matter to them words of gratitude and wisdom… but I'm not hearing it. I don't care an the time seems to fly and we're back at the landing site with the shuttle just coming into sight… see I can't even make a site sight joke right now… Shepard notices that they're carrying some of my stuff, and they readily give it back when she tells them.
We board it and while I'm sure everyone's talking… I'm still not listening. I'm mired in my own head, so much so that we've already landed on the Normandy… didn't I just sit down?
Guile comes out of the cockpit all smiles and joy. "Looks like we have some new friends!" He approaches Tali and Jerus. "Pleasure to meet both of you, I'll be piloting most of your missions." "My name is Guillaume Biche, Call me Guile."
I almost forgot Guile's last name… wait a minute… is he French?
"Hello Jerus'Bailan vas Alem." He shakes Guiles hand, I feel like there's a look that passes between them but then Jerus's face falls away and it's a smile… or am I just imagining things? I do dislike him… using very weak language…
"This must be Tali'Zorah Vas Neema," He shakes her hand, "a pleasure."
"Nice to meat you Guile," Tali says with more than a little trepidation… I mean he is wearing the Cerberus logo. Still though she did shake his hand.
"Now I know that Cerberus are assholes," wow never heard someone speak so plainly, "but I just want you to know that those of us on this ship… are only here to support Shepard, I personally have many alien friends."
"Why Cerberus?" Tali asks, why have I never asked that question? Do I just not care?
"My ex-wife was an asari…" he responds, "she left with the kids… and this is my own little revenge." He smiles manically, "kidding." He laughs at Tali's expression that had gone from quizzical to 'oh keelah something's wrong with him.'
"I didn't know you were married," I say out loud.
"You also don't know I have four kids," He laughs.
"You have four kids?"
"Yeah," he laughs. "I'll show you some photos later, maybe."
"For now Commander I would like to volunteer to show our new members the ship," he snaps to attention.
Shepard… despite herself… almost thinks of smiling. I think, "Permission granted." "But later first we need to brief them on the mission."
"Of course," Guile smiles, and falls at ease.
Garrus, who's been uncharacteristically quiet, grabs me as the group moves away. "You alright?"
"Why wouldn't I be?" I respond insincerely.
"Because I saw how you two parted on the Citadel, I know that was more than friends… and now she's…"
"Seemingly happy." I cut him off. "And I should be able to accept that… I should be happy for her… right?" I turn away, I should probably see Chakwas but… I can't stop myself from saying, "so why isn't it enough?" I ask him meeting his gaze. "Why isn't it enough that she's happy, my do I want her to happy with just me? Why is the fact she has a… close friend tearing me apart."
"We all want them to be happy… it's just we wish we could be happy with them…" Then I realize whom I'm talking to and that I'm an ass for pointing out this problem to him… considering I'm in the running for Shepard's boyfriend.
"Do you miss the time when we just had to shoot things?" I ask him changing the topic, "I mean… when did it all get so complicated?"
"It's always been complicated… it's just back then we were rushing everywhere, chasing a goal with almost no preparation or solid plan and always a step behind with never enough time…" He sighs, "now though… we have too much time, too much time to think, and so we do what we can to hide from it… in my case I've turned to a hobby."
"Calibrations?"
"No, interpretive dance."
I stop and look at him, his face dead serious… and I feel the corners of my mouth working their way up against my will and a smile forcibly forming… then laughter, insane maniacal laughter, like I haven't laughed in forever.
"Let's catch up," I let my stress slide by. For now at least… but I feel it in the back of my mind… it felt cold… like the barrel of a gun.
We didn't catch the elevator… and they didn't hold it for us… not cool man.
So by the time we've reached the conference room, "EDI our AI…" Jacob says.
And Tali storms out past us.
A/N: Ok few things to say,
1. We've passed two hunred reviews! *confetti. Thank you to all my reviewers for well... reviewing! Keep it up! As long as you keep reviewing I'll keep pumping out chapters... I'm not doing it for the reviews but... they help to motivate me.
2. Into Fire Emblem? Read Branded by AmrasElanesse, he's a friend of mine and I actually enjoy the story.
3. Thank you again to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, and favorited me as an author.
I'm a little emotional... I doubled my original goal of reviews for this story and that's why I'm getting so grateful.
Well then I hope you enjoyed the chapter (and are outraged at my decision to pair Tali up with an OC)
On to life!