Chapter 36 - Who's There?

"And look, there's a TBM-3E Avenger!"

Edward's breath trails behind him in wisps of white as he hurries across the USS Intrepid's hangar deck. I follow at a slightly less enthusiastic pace.

"It was put into service in the early 1940s. These planes were used a lot in World War II." He points to a clear dome behind the cockpit. "See that? It's a ball turret with a .50 caliber machine gun, sort of like what Han and Luke use on the Millennium Falcon. This variant of the Avenger could also carry two .50 cals on its wings, up to 2,000 pounds of…"

Edward continues listing armament of the Avenger, but my mind stops registering the individual words. Instead, I'm nodding absently as I take in the movement of his sharp jaw and slightly chapped lips. My eyes then roam over the wind-swept mess on top of his head, the bronze locks having grown out considerably in the five months he's been home from deployment. I love the longer length. It gives me something to latch onto during those times when we're…

"…and that protrusion on fuselage hides the warp core, which as you know, provides the energy required for faster-than-light space travel and uses dilithium crystals to—"

"What?" My face scrunches up in confusion as I register what he's saying.

Edward grins, his eyes full of merriment. He reaches out a gloved hand to pull me close.

"Am I boring you, my dear?"

"No!" I protest quickly. "Of course not. I just zoned out for a minute thinking about, um, Christmas gifts for Anna and Isaac."

"I see." He raises an eyebrow but apparently decides to let me off the hook. "Well, how about if we hit up FAO Schwarz before going back to the hotel room? Maybe you can get some ideas there."

"My boyfriend is a genius," I proclaim, standing on my tiptoes to press a kiss against his mouth. I begin to lower my heels, but Edward wraps his arms around my body to hold me in place.

"Guess what?" he murmurs, his lips brushing against mine as he speaks. "I love you."

My heart swells with happiness, as it does any time I hear him say those words. "I love you, too. So much."

We share a slightly longer but still public-appropriate kiss, and then he begins leading me to one of the stairwells leading out of the aircraft carrier's hangar bay. I tug on his hand to slow his advance.

"We don't have to leave right now. You haven't showed me the other two planes yet."

"Hmm, good point. I know you were so looking forward to that," he teases.

"I was!" I reply, trying not to cringe at how unconvincing I sound. "I think all this Navy stuff is really…interesting."

"Uh-huh, and Isaac always tells the truth about not eating all the chocolate chip cookies, even when his face is covered with brown smudges." Edward laughs and shakes his head. "It's totally fine that you're not into ships and planes. You don't have to like the things I do. Hell, my eyes get that same glazed-over look—you know, the one yours had a few minutes ago—whenever you start going on about your computer stuff. Javascript SpiderMonkeys, lisping pearls, break sentences…it all goes in one ear and right out the other."

I roll my eyes. "LISP and Perl are programming languages, C++ break statements are commands used to exit loops and…oh jeez, you are such an asswipe."

Channeling my inner preschooler, I stick out my tongue at his loud fake snoring and stomp off in mock indignation. Edward lunges forward to tickle my sides, and after I twist one of his nipples like the mature 31-year-old that I am, we depart the hangar bay, laughing like fools.

o-O-0-O-o

I stand in front of the huge display of Legos, but all I see is a blur of color. I'm supposed to be scouting out Star Wars sets for Isaac while Edward is in the arts and crafts section, but my head is firmly stuck in the past—about thirty minutes ago, to be a little more precise. I replay the scene over and over to make sure I'm not reading too much into the situation.

Edward and I had been talking about everything and nothing as we braved the winter chill on the long trek from the USS Intrepid pier to FAO Schwarz. He had asked if I wanted to hail a cab, though he seemed oddly relieved when I chose to walk. I hadn't noticed that he'd led me onto 47th street until he slowed to a stop in front of a store window.

"Let me guess," he said, squeezing my waist playfully, "you're a platinum girl."

"Huh?" My eyes widened when I looked at the display in the window. A number of sparkly pieces of jewelry were arranged atop satiny material. I glanced around us to discover that nearly every business in the vicinity had a similarly-themed storefront.

Edward had brought me to New York City's Diamond District.

Naturally, my heart began to gallop in my chest. To me, talk about diamond jewelry equals talk about engagement rings, which obviously infers a specific kind of commitment. Although words like "always" and "forever" peppered our everyday conversation, we had yet to discuss the one that started with M.

Of course I want it. With Edward, I want everything, even if I'm not sure I should be allowed to have it. Yes, I've been doing rather well managing my bulimia so far—only a handful of episodes since Edward returned. Overall, my mood has been stellar, but then, I also realize that I haven't had to face any overly stressful situations.

I am becoming concerned about my work situation. In addition to watching Alice's children after school, I've taken on a few programming contract jobs in response to personal requests from previous business acquaintances, but there's been no decision made on long-term employment. And although I'm far from being in extremis regarding my financial situation, I do feel an internal pressure to resolve the issue...and not just to make rent each month. In my mind, Edward deserves to marry someone more than a directionless, unemployed woman with genetically unfavorable reproductive potential. He deserves the best, someone special and undamaged. I have far too many major strikes against me to be considered future wife material for him.

And yet…when Edward casually solicited my opinion about the varying styles of rings we saw in the display windows, I couldn't stop the mad dancing of butterflies in my stomach. He didn't give a reason for his line of questioning; he just hummed and nodded—rather smugly, in my opinion—when I told him my preferences. I didn't want to seem presumptuous by asking, but his motive is all I've been able to think about since then. Could he really be considering a proposal? If so, when would he—

"Bella?"

The soft, familiar voice causes instant waves of both nostalgia and fear to ripple down my spine. Keeping my movements cautiously deliberate, I turn toward the man who used to know me so well.

"Jake."

He's sporting a crisp gray business suit that is perfectly fitted to his muscular frame. Tucked under his arm is a radio-controlled car in a box—probably for one of his nephews. The bright smile he gives me is charmingly easy, and although I know I shouldn't, I take a small step closer. It's all the invitation he needs to walk down the aisle and pull me into a quick hug.

The cologne he wears is the same as it was before, and I have to consciously stop myself from filling my lungs with the scent. Like an Angler fish lurking in the depths, Jake never had a problem luring me in until it was too late to see the dangerous jaws behind the dazzling light.

But I should know better by now. I don't need his attention to sustain a barely-there sense of self-worth. Over the past year, I've been learning to value myself more…haven't I? With a contemplative frown, I recall the thoughts I just entertained about my suitability as a spouse. They weren't at all indicative of stronger self-esteem.

"So, what are you doing in New York?" Jake asks, disrupting my mental musings once more.

I take a conspicuous step back while answering. "Just visiting. I'm here with my—"

"Hold on a sec, Bella," he says, closing the distance between us again. "Before you say another word, I have to apologize about…you know…the last time I saw you. I wasn't quite, um, in my right mind then."

I cross my arms and level a hard look at him. "Yeah, well, you scared the hell out of me, and I wasn't just worried about myself. You were holding a knife over your wrist, for God's sake! Have you talked to a professional about what happened?"

"I didn't have much of a choice," he states matter-of-factly. "I saw a therapist—still seeing him, actually. Yes, I know I've got issues with jealousy and anger, but I'm working hard to deal with them."

"That's great," I say honestly. "It's impossible to find happiness with such negative emotions pressing down on you all the time."

"Yeah, it is." He tilts his head and gives me a tender smile. "And what about you? Are you happy?"

"More than I've ever been."

The statement doesn't require thought on my part. It is the simple truth.

"Hmm, good." He pauses for a moment, and then something changes in his expression. "So I guess work's going well, then, huh? Have they promoted you to a bigger office or did you skip to taking over as the CEO?" He chuckles loudly and nudges my arm with his elbow.

I ignore a pang of shame and stand up taller. "Actually, I'm not working in computers at the moment. I've been thinking about changing fields—or at least leaving the business side of programming and trying to teach it, instead."

Jake's mouth falls open a little as he stares. "You're joking, right? You can't seriously be considering walking away from such a promising career. That's just…just…crazy!"

"Then I guess it's a good thing my life choices won't affect you in any way," I snap. "And now if you'll excuse me, I really need to be—"

"Bella, wait!" He reaches out to take my hand, but I snatch it away before he can make contact.

"I'm done talking to you, Jake. It was, uh, interesting seeing you again, but I'm going now." Gritting my teeth, I turn my back on him and begin walking the opposite way down the aisle.

"Come on, don't be like that! I'm really sorry if I offended you…you know I didn't mean to." Jake catches up to me and matches my pace. "Can I apologize by taking you out to coffee—or maybe dinner?"

"I don't think my boyfriend would appreciate that," I say in the most falsely polite voice I can manage. "Now, if you would please get the fuck away from me, I won't have to call the cops." I continue walking without bothering to look in his direction.

"You have a boyfriend now?" His strides falter for a moment, and then he's right back at my side. "Well, if your relationship is secure enough, it shouldn't matter if you go out for a simple cup of coffee with a friend. Come on, B, for old times' sake. Do you still like vanilla lattes?"

I don't waste any more breath on him as I approach the arts and crafts section of the store. My eyes scan the area for Edward, but I can't locate him.

"Bella, baby, please…" Jake puts a hand on my shoulder and spins me toward him. "Give me another chance. We used to be so good together—don't you remember?"

I try to jerk away, but his grip is too strong. Channeling my rapidly mounting anger, I tense my muscles in preparation for a kick. But before I can swing my foot forward, a tall figure wearing a furious expression rushes toward Jake and shoves him away from me.

"If I ever catch you laying a hand on her again, you will regret it," Edward seethes as positions himself in between me and Jake.

I stare at Edward's back in shock. In the ten months since we first met, I've never heard such a menacing tone in his voice. I find the sound compelling, but it's impossible to consider such things now. Jake's eyes flash dangerously, and I recognize the conviction in them. He's going to attack.

"Look out!" I cry, just as Jake leaps forward.

At first, it seems Edward isn't going to react. I don't understand why he's remaining motionless in Jake's path, but I can't stand by and watch him get hurt without acting. A surge of adrenaline rushes through me as I prepare to throw myself at my charging ex-boyfriend. But at the last possible second, in a movement to quick to discern fully, Edward takes hold of Jake, shifts slightly to the side, and flips his attacker over his hip. I don't realize I'm holding my breath until I gasp at the sight of Edward restraining Jake's arms as he kneels on the captive man's back.

"Bella, could you make sure security is on its way?" Edward calmly asks.

Wide-eyed in awe, I give him a quick nod of assent and hurry off to fulfill his request.

o-O-0-O-o

"Damn," Edward pants, letting his arm fall over his closed eyes. "Are there any more psycho ex-boyfriends out there that I should know about? Because if there are, I'm sending out engraved invitations for them to come here and make a play for you."

"I'm sorry to say Jake's the only one." My breathy voice is equally labored. "It's such a shame, too, because you were so hot when you went all caveman-ninja warrior on his ass." I let my sweaty body slide from atop his and fall onto my back beside him. "That level of amazingly sexy protectiveness deserved the best reward I could come up with."

"Mm, well, that reward had its own level of amazing."

Sated and content, we lie on the hotel bed for a while, quietly lost in our own thoughts but still sharing a connection through our entwined hands.

"You know that the only reward I'll ever need is being with you, right?" Edward murmurs eventually, his voice gravelly from disuse.

I turn onto my side and press my lips against his shoulder in a reverent kiss. I can't believe how fortunate I am to have this man in my life. He is everything I ever thought I wanted in a partner and more. It's difficult for me to believe I once imagined anyone else could be right for me.

Especially a person like Jake.

I regret that I allowed him a moment of opportunity to attempt his advances earlier today. Although very ashamed to admit this, I think I had been afraid to sever my connection with him. In the desolate, wordless recesses of my mind, he was held as a kind of contingency plan—a possible means to avoid being alone in life if my relationship with Edward should fail. In fact, I almost expected it to, whether caused by a realization on his part of my inferiority or by my own act of preemptive sabotage.

If I want any sort of future with Edward, such damaging insecurity must not rule my thoughts or actions. Given my disorders, I know that I am especially susceptible, and overcoming it will probably always present some sort of challenge. But I can't let it tear me away from him like it did before…I won't let it.

And so, I must trust that Edward's words are true when he speaks of his feelings for me. I must accept that he loves me regardless of my flaws—real or perceived. I must believe that I am good enough to move forward with him, even as a wife.

"What are you thinking so hard about, hmm?" The most important person in my world reaches an arm across his body to hitch my leg over his thigh.

"You…us," I answer truthfully. My fingers play in the light sprinkling of hair across his chest.

"Oh, then by all means, carry on."

I marvel at the quiet but playful confidence in his voice. Had our lines been reversed—had he proclaimed to have been thinking about me and our relationship—I would have worried about the nature of his contemplation. But Edward has faith in my feelings for him. He feels secure about the status of our relationship.

It's time I shed my inhibitions and did the same. I'm ready.

With a rush of dichotomously calm, yet excited resolution, I push my body up to straddle Edward's hips.

"Well, hello," he drawls, an impish grin stretching across his lips. His hands begin to slide up my thighs, but I gently halt their progress.

"Knock, knock."

His eyebrows rise in bemusement, but he plays along without hesitation.

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

I take his hands in mine and stare into those clear, sea green eyes that I've come to know so intimately.

"Marry me."

Edward's jaw slackens as he blinks in astonishment. Then, before I have a chance to worry about his reaction, he quickly places me on the mattress and hurries the short distance to the closet to pull out his heavy winter jacket. Silent but smiling, he repositions himself into a seated position against the headboard with me on his outstretched legs.

When he takes one of my hands and brings it to his lips for a gentle kiss, I glance up to find sparkling eyes belying mirth behind an accusing expression.

"You stole my joke," he admonishes, then sighs dramatically. "It seems the student has become the master."

"What do you mean your joke?" I ask in confusion. "You've never…" My sentence trails off as my heart rate increases. I consider the subject matter of said joke. Does he mean…had he been planning to...?

Edward has arranged his lips into an adorable pout. "You know how I wanted to go ice skating at the Rockefeller Center after dinner? Yeah. I had a whole lineup of corny jokes, and that one was all set to be the showstopper." He shakes his head in mock dismay. "I even had props to go along with my comedy sketch...see?"

Out of his inside jacket pocket comes a small square jewelry box, and when he opens it, I see it. The ring. An engagement ring.

Edward reaches out a hand to caress my cheek.

"So the answer is yes, Bella. I would be honored to marry you. Nothing would make me happier."

Just an epi to go!

ICYMI - I'm writing a flash-esque fic called The Fence. I'd love for you to check it out, but only if you're okay with ANGST!

Also, I have not forgotten about A Horse of a Different Color. I plan to roll out a chapter after this fic concludes. Thanks so much!