Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Twilight or else I would be chill in like a villain in my mansion by the pool with the cast of Magic Mike.
-x-
Note to readers: I'm aware that a lot of Bella's "Nationals" talk is not traditional, but for the sake of the fic－the 2012 NCA Senior and Junior High School National Championship will be held in Seattle. Big NCA fans know it was held in Texas. Big TSB fans probably won't give a shit either way. I love you all.
-x-
The Slowest Burn
That awkward moment when… you realize the apple really doesn't fall that far from the tree after all.
Ch. 37: With Wings
It's Thursday, which makes tomorrow Friday, the day before Nationals. I am so damn nervous right now, it's insane. On top of that, I'm waiting for Edward to get here so I can finally tell him about Vassar.
Armed and ready with brochures of community colleges nearby and printouts of apartments for rent, I'm ready. There is no way he should feel as if I'm leaving him behind when I've spent the last few days working my ass off to include him in my future. He's it for me. There is no one else I want to ever be with.
But I swear to God, if he gives me shit, I will knee him in the balls.
I feel confident, though. It has to do a lot with the fact that Carlisle is back in Edward's life. Their first outing together was awkward and weird, mostly because they dragged me and Esme along with them and then proceeded to say absolutely nothing to each other over dinner, making Esme and I force out some sort of small talk to each other about trivial things - like who we thought was going to win on The Voice. Finally, Edward spoke up and asked Carlisle if he saw some game on the television the night before, and from there, things got better.
I've seen a noticeable change in Edward since then, a positive change. He's more upbeat. He's laughing again and smiling and jovial. He kids around with Royce and the kids, and most importantly, he's started to form a relationship with my dad.
So it's with confidence that I wait for Edward to come over. I really wish I would have done this a long time ago to save myself the stress. Nationals is this weekend in Seattle, which means it's also our meeting with Elizabeth.
Honestly, I'm not sure which makes me more nervous, Nationals or meeting Edward's mom. I wish Edward would have opened up more with Carlisle about the meeting, but he only mentioned it in passing during the dinner. Since then, I'm not sure, but from what I gather, he's avoiding the subject altogether. It can't be easy to face your mother after ten years of absence and introduce yourself casually. I know Edward is anxious, but in usual Edward fashion—he won't talk about it.
Ugh.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I look down to see Rosalie's name and smile. "All That Jazz!" for senior prom? You actually voted on that?
I laugh through my nose as I remember how that student government meeting went. It was either that or "Under the Moonlight," which was based off a popular vampire TV show. What the hell is up with this vampire craze all of the sudden? I'm so glad Ben stuck by me when I flat out told Jennifer that was the dumbest idea I'd ever heard. This is not Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Trust me. It was the better of two evils. –B
Is it weird that I'm kinda sad I'll miss it? –R
Of course not! But look on the bright side. You've been to enough proms to last a lifetime. You're not missing much. –B
Good point. Cheap booze, grabby hands, crowded limos… Never mind. I'm so glad I'm not going. –R
:P –B
Are you going to Cullen's prom, too? –R
I offered, but then Royce said it would be better not to go because of the harem of jealous girls who might throw pig's blood on me. Apparently, my boy has never participated in a school function, and people might die from shock if we show up together. –B
Lord have mercy. –R
Did you hear I got paired with Jessica for prom committee? We're in charge of decorations. –B
Are they smoking crack?! YOU in charge of decorations? Woe to the republic. –R
Shut up. –B
:X –R
Brat. –B
"Bella!" Dad calls out from downstairs.
I roll onto my back from my stomach and stare at the ceiling. "Just tell Edward to come up here. And I know! Door open!" I roll my eyes.
"Door open?" An incredulous voice snaps from my doorway. "How dare you make your mother wait."
My entire upper body flies upright on my bed. "Mom? Oh, my God! Mom!" Now I roll and bounce off the bed and rush over to throw myself into her open arms. "What are you doing here?!"
She smacks a giant kiss onto my cheek. "You didn't actually think I would miss seeing my baby kick some ass in a skirt, did you?" Her smirk makes me blush.
"I missed you so much." I draw her in for another tight hug.
"Oh, honey." Her voice wavers with emotion. "I missed you, too. You need to come stay in Florida during the summer before school. I won't see you hardly at all when you're some hotshot college girl." She pulls back and pinches my nose between two fingers.
"Mom!" I smack her hand away and rub at my nose. "I'm not a baby."
"Oh, hush. You'll always be my baby." She pats my cheek gently. "So tell me what's going on in your life. What's the gossip these days?" she asks, standing in front of my dresser mirror where I have pictures along the edges.
I shrug at her reflection. "Not much, just… stuff."
"Stuff?" She air quotes me. "You want to what kind of stuff?"
I'm tight roping the idea of whether to spill my guts or not.
"You know." I shrug and look down at my hands. "Stuff."
I shrug again. It's all I can do without bursting into tears and begging her to tell me if I'm doing the right thing by leaving Washington for college. Whenever I think about my future, I feel lost, scared, and unsure.
Leaving Forks is a huge fucking deal for me. I've never had to live without Charlie or Renee before. What if I'm making all the wrong decisions? I'm stuck between wanting something new and staying where I'm comfortable.
"Come." She ushers me back to the bed and sits with her back against the headboard. "You don't look like yourself today. Something wrong?"
"Life?" I force out a small laugh.
"Your father's concerned about you… So am I." Her hand rises to brush the hair away from my face. "You want to tell me what's going on?"
My eyes shut tight, and I breathe out through my nose. "Where do I start?"
"Anywhere you want." Her tone is soft and inviting. It's not something I'm used to feeling around her. Usually we talk like friends. Right now, it feels like I'm actually talking to my mom.
At my hesitation, she starts with, "How about you explain the letter Charlie found on your desk?"
I freeze. "He told you about that?"
"Yes. What were you thinking, Isabella? Since when do you wait until the absolute last minute to do anything?" She blinks at me in confusion. "That doesn't sound like something my daughter would do."
Her frown reaches all the way to her eyes, and I see for the first time how age has changed her. There are creases at her eyes that were never there before and at her mouth when she pulls her lips together tightly. She has more gray strands mixed into her thick chestnut hair that she now has pulled back from her face and twisted up into a bun. My mom looks like a mom.
"I…" my mouth snaps shut.
"Bella." Her brow arches in suspicion.
I hunch over and slowly let myself fall next to her so that my head is at her lap and she runs her fingers through my hair. Nothing — and I mean nothing - compares to having your hair played with. It's awesome.
"I know what I have to do. I'm just anxious about doing it," I admit out loud. "And I'm terrified that I'm making a mistake by choosing to go to Vas—"
"Bella!" I hear dad shout up the stairs. "Edward's here!"
My mom's eyes widen at the sound of my boyfriend's name like she's just been picked for the Price is Right. "Please don't embarrass me," I beg her instantly, all previous woes slipping away as I clasp my hands together in front of me. "Please, mom."
Her mouth drops open in offense. "Bella! How could you ever say such a— Oh, holy cow. He's a stone cold fox!" she shouts when Edward walks into my room. "You know…" She steps in closer to Edward and curls a finger through her hair. "People say that Bella and I look more like sisters. Do you prefer older women?" She dares to nudge him with her elbow and wink.
Edward stares at me completely uncomfortable, and I have to slap a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. "Mom, stop it!" A chuckle still manages to bubble out as I scold her. "You're going to scare away him away forever with your crazy self!" I push past her to pull Edward toward me by the front of his thick, black hoodie.
"Hey, you." I smile up at him and lift my chin so that he ducks down and gives me my hello kiss.
"You didn't tell me your mom was going to be here!" he whisper-shouts in my ear. "I just smoked a bowl with Roy like ten minutes ago."
I dig my nose into his neck and inhale. "Well, you smell clean. Just act normal."
He snorts, and his shoulders start to shake with laughter. Oh, boy. Here come the giggles. My mom is no stranger to the ganja. She'll either call him out or pretend she doesn't know. Right now, she stares at us all suspicious, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed while she leans a hand on her left hip.
"What are you two lovebirds whispering about over there?" She sneaks up to us as if she's in on our secret. "You're not all freaked out about meeting 'the mom' now, are you? That pretty face alone gets you brownie points, boy!" Her hand shoots out and smacks him right in the ass.
"Did she just…?" He looks over at me, completely stunned.
I just shake my head — because that is my mother for you—and wrap my arms around his torso, sliding my hands to cover his butt. "Hands off, Mother. This one's mine."
"Oh, all right." She pretends to act as if she's lost a battle of wits. "But you watch yourself, Foxy. Boys who look like you always come with a shitload of trouble." Her finger wags at him.
"Uh… Okay?" He gulps and looks down at me nervously.
I roll my eyes and press the side of my face to his chest so that I feel his heartbeat against my cheek. "Just ignore her. I do."
My mom snorts.
"Oh, yeah," Edward starts. "Your dad wanted me to tell you that he had to take off. He's going down to La Push for the bonfire. I told him we would meet up with him later. Sound good?" When he says this, he looks at both me and my mom, and an unexpected feeling of warmth and love washes over me.
The relationship Edward has with my dad has grown into something amazing. They're not best friends, but they're more than cordial acquaintances. And to see how quickly he takes in my mom and how she seems to accept him so easily… I'm the happiest I've ever been.
My mom has a little smirk on her face from watching me stare with stars in my eyes at Edward. I stick my tongue out at her when she wiggles her brows. She sticks hers right back out at me.
I feel Edward's lips touch my temple softly, and his fingers work their way up my sweater to lay flat against my back, a lingering touch to offer comfort or to just feel content. It's almost like we have to be touching or we can't concentrate.
"Thanks for the invite, Foxy, but I'm going to pass. Phil and I are going to start out early for Seattle tomorrow morning so we can sightsee before Nationals." Her eyes dance with mirth as she explains. "But you two are having dinner with me and the husband tonight. My treat!"
"You mean Phil's treat," I taunt her playfully.
Her face lights up. "My husband's treat!"
-x-
Facebook Status:
Rosalie Hale is a huge whale.
Comments:
Royce King you're beautiful.
Rosalie Hale you're biased.
Royce King So? Doesn't change the fact that you're beautiful.
Rosalie Hale Call me.
Facebook Status:
Bella Swan SAVE ME! (image attached)
Comments:
Emmett McCarty LMAO! Is that your mom in the bikini apron? HOOOOT!
Bella Swan She thinks the restaurant will let her bake me a belated bday cake if she wears an apron. She ran across the street at some little store and came back with THAT!
Jacob Black your mom in the kitchen? Are you helping her? Lord, duck for cover!
E. Cullen Seriously. They told her no, but I don't think they realize who they're messing with.
Makenna Levine Awww, how cute!
Bella Swan OMG! They're going to kick us out. I know it!
E. Cullen I have never been kicked out of anywhere unless it was because of me.
Jacob Black Shit. Looks like you found your match, Cullen!
Seth Clearwater Be nice to my future mother-in-law, Cullen!
Facebook Status:
E. Cullen STARVING!
Wall Post to E. Cullen from Bella Swan Does this look like starving to you? (image attached)
Comments:
Jacob Black Old school coke bottle. Nice!
Makenna Levine Are you guys at Olive Garden? I LOVE that place!
Seth Clearwater You have no idea how good you have it, bro.
Royce King Are you high, Cullen? Never thought I'd see you walk into an Olive Garden. Rabbit food, dude!
E. Cullen They keep giving us salad and bread sticks! WTF?! I want STEAK!
E. Cullen you are all witness to the way this girl treats her meat & potatos-loving man.
8 people like this.
Jessica Stanley LOL!
Bella Swan Isn't he so cute with a cheek full of carrot & ranch dip on his lip? LOL!
Bella Swan I love my boyfriend.
E. Cullen likes this.
E. Cullen NOW the food comes! YES!
-x-
"So," Mom looks at Edward. "How long did it take you to bag this one?" Her head tilts toward me before shoving a forkful of special baked cake into her mouth — made by the restaurant, not by her.
Edward smiles down at his plate and scoots his food around with his fork. "Too long, Renee," he says when he finally lifts his head up to look at her then turns to me. "Too damn long."
My lips pull up at the side of my mouth just as mom asks her next question. "So where did you two meet?"
Yikes! My eyes widen and cheeks flame as I think about how Edward and I "officially" met each other. His hand squeezes my thigh under the table, and I know he's blushing, too. So I start to make something up at the same time Edward starts to make up his own version, and we simultaneously start talking about two different situations.
"At a party—"
"At a playground—"
We stop and look at each other.
"Huh?" Mom pauses.
I take Edward's hand with a wink. "At a playground." We both turn to my mom and start to explain.
She coos at us as if it's the cutest thing in the world and then blurts out, "Where was your first kiss? Who said I love you first? How did you say it? Oh, to be seventeen again! Young love; it's so adorable! You don't plan to impregnate my baby girl, do you?" She stares at Edward and then smacks Phil's shoulder so that his head pops up from staring at his cell phone screen.
I have no answer for my mom's mouth diarrhea. Also, no one at this table is seventeen anymore.
"Uh… No?" Edward says, completely at a loss.
Then mom turns her crazy on me. "Did you finally kick that Alice girl's ass?"
I choke into my glass of water.
"What is she talking about?" Edward stares at me, knowing full well what we're talking about.
I gasp for breath.
"Oops!" My mom plays innocent. "Okay, subject change. Oh, Foxy, aren't you so proud of Bella for getting into Vassar?"
That makes me choke all over again. I'm coughing so hard I almost vomit into my cup.
Edward's face gives him away for only a fraction of a second, too quick for anyone but me to notice. I slam my glass down onto the counter and glare across the table at my mom. Phil, sensing a famous Renee vs. Bella showdown on the horizon, leans into my mother and whispers something into her ear that makes her giggle and pull away shyly.
Crisis averted… or so I thought.
"I am, actually." Edward speaks over the sound of my mother's childish laughter and the hustle and bustle inside the restaurant. "I'm very proud of her." His eyes stare into mine so deeply that I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over me. He knows… Oh, my God.
He knows! How does he know?
It's not from my mother's fat mouth. So, how? Oh, God. My stomach bottoms out in fear. How long has he known? I think I'm going to puke. Why didn't he say anything? Maybe I'll cry after I puke. Is he mad? My heart thumps so hard it makes the front of my shirt pulse. He can't be mad. He doesn't look mad. I try to duck my head, but his hand rises to gently take my chin in his fingers. I gulp nervously, and my eyes start to tingle. I'm going to cry. I can't handle this, not right now, not in front of my mother and Phil. Why did she—
"It's okay," he leans in and whispers into my ear. "We'll talk about this later. Don't cry in front of your mom, baby." He kisses my cheek. "I love you."
"What?" I look up at him in surprise. "I…" I blink and a lone tear escapes down my cheek. "You…"
He has no idea how heavy this has been on my shoulders lately. And for him to just casually accept this after how I agonized over it for weeks… I feel so stupid. I feel like he's lying just to save face in front of my mother. This is completely out of character for him. He flips his shit if I go to Port Angeles with my friends without telling him first.
Suddenly I'm pissed. "We'll talk about this later?" I scoff at him. "Are you fucking serious right now? This from the guy who threw a fit when I—"
"We'll be right back," Edward explains to my wide-eyed mother as he all but drags me into the parking lot beside my mom's rental. "Bella, stop." He takes my face in his hands. "Stop crying. Jesus, why are you crying?" he asks crossly.
I didn't even know I was still crying. I try to wipe my eyes with my hands and the sleeves from my sweater as I fight to calm down. My sleeves are useless, too thin to absorb and not long enough to reach past my elbows. I watch Edward take a step back before pulling his hoodie over his head and dabbing my face with the soft, black cotton.
"I'm not mad. Don't think I'm mad, okay?" he assures me gently. "I saw the letter the night when you were getting ready for your birthday party. But I knew you'd get in anyway. It wasn't that big a surprise."
"You knew this whole fucking time?!" I scream and slam my hands against his chest. "I have been going out of my fucking mind these past few weeks, Edward! I've been looking up apartments and community colleges nearby so we can stay together. I just kept thinking you were going to freak out and think I was trying to leave you!" I push against his chest again in frustration. "And all this time you already knew?!"
"Is this why you've been acting so fucking weird lately?" he asks incredulously and runs a hand through his unruly hair. "Shit, I knew I was an asshole, but… God, Bella. I can't believe you would think…" He shakes his and leans against the car. "I mean, yeah, at first I was upset but only because… And then Royce was all over my case, and Jake…"
His rambling makes absolutely no sense to me right now. I take his face in my hands and force him to look at me. "Bottom line, Edward. Will you come with me?" I gulp as I wait for his answer.
I watch his eyes soften and his hands lift to cover mine and bring them down to his chest. "Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you?" His whisper is small but heavy with emotion. "I'd follow you anywhere."
My lips tremble, and before I can reply, his mouth is crushing mine, his hands bunched in my hair, his chest against my chest. I wrap my arms around his neck and draw myself closer, tightening my hold as hard as I can and kissing him back as if I can tell him how much I love him with just one kiss. I lose myself in him until we hear a loud throat clearing and yank apart to see my mother.
"You." She points at me. "Come here. You." She points at Edward. "Over there." Her arm swings toward Phil who is beckoning Edward over to the small convenience store beside the restaurant.
I slump against the car with my arms crossed and wait for whatever it is she's about to tell me. She waits until both Phil and Edward are completely out of sight before twisting back my way.
"You want to tell me what's going on?" Her tone is full of confusion. When I say nothing in return, her eyes widen with realization and she says, "Is this why you waited so long to mail your acceptance letter, Bella?"
I force down that smartass part of me that wants to tell her to mind her own business and take a deep breath. My mouth forms a smile while I look at my mother's eyebrows in order to avoid her all-knowing eyes as I say, "Nothing. I'm just PMSing is all, I swear. College is a big step, and I'm stressed over Nationals and prom and Rosalie, and I just…" I shrug and avert my gaze to her brown leather boots. "I'm freaking out."
"Wow. You are such a bad liar, Isabella Marie Swan. You never could hold a straight poker face. You're just like your father in that respect." She lifts my face to stare into my eyes. "And just like your father, you don't know when to let go."
I gulp and feel the need to defend my dad. "You mean like you?" I snap without thinking and then quickly want to take it back. "I'm sorry." I cover my face with my hands and take a deep breath. I don't want to fight with her, but this is one subject we have never been able to see eye-to-eye on. "It's just… I'm not like you, mom. It's not easy for me to pack up and move on like you did with Dad. Hell, like you did practically my entire life."
She winces for only a second and pulls back. "Look, Bella, sometimes there are decisions in life that we make and have to live with…" Her pause makes me move closer to her. "I admit that I handled things with your father terribly. And I regret leaving you with my mother while I wandered about trying to figure out what to do with my life after Charlie. I have a lot of regrets in my life that I don't ever wish for you to have."
I gulp and bite the inside of my cheek to keep my eyes from watering. This the conversation I've been waiting for my whole life it feels like; one that I've never initiated, one that she's always avoided, one that I just now realize I need to know. Why wasn't my dad good enough for her? Why did it always feel like she was running from something? Why did it feel like it was because of me?
"You know I love you, sweetheart. You're the best thing to happen to me." She lifts her face to the sky and takes a deep breath through her nose. "Having said that—" She looks down at me again. "—I really wish I could have had you after I figured out what the hell I wanted to do with myself. College, love, life, being a veterinarian—"
Despite the somber mood we're in, I feel the need to remind her, "You're allergic to animal hair, Mom." I laugh softly and wipe away any wetness from my eyes.
"That's not the point," she says and wipes away her own unshed tears. "The point is that there is so much out there for you. I know you never forget your first love, and I'm not asking you to, but don't let it hold you back. Don't let it stand in the way of what you want, Bella." She closes the gap between us and sets her hands on my shoulders. "You're meant for things much bigger than Forks. You know this as much I do, my beautiful baby girl."
Hearing her say these things makes me feel the heaviest guilt of all. Because she's right. I know she is. I feel it deep inside of me. I want Vassar. I want it so bad, it hurts. I want to experience life in a big city with honking cars in traffic and crowded sidewalks. I want to run across campus and pray I'm not late to class. I want to live one day with tall buildings, bright lights, obscene language, and risky essay topics. I want it all. And I know I won't get it here in Forks.
And it makes me feel bad to think that these are things my mom never had the chance to have. I may not have been planned, but I know I'm loved. Despite the hardships and the arguments and misunderstandings my mom and I have had over the last few years, I know she's always loved me. I still don't agree with how she's handled things in her life, but I now have a little more understanding.
Mom's arms slide around me again as I think of all this, and my eyes instantly fill with tears. Her lips at my ear whisper things like, "It's going to be okay, my love" and "This is not the end. It's the beginning." Her words just make that tight feeling in my chest clench to the point of suffocation. I'm gasping, and it's then I realize it's not because of my chest. It's because I'm crying; gut-wrenching sobs that soak into my mother's sweater and stain the light blue with black mascara.
Then she takes my face in her hands and says, "I've seen the two of you together, and it's incredible to watch. You're so connected, Bella, like magnets. You move… he moves. Talk to him, honey. He'll understand. Because from the way he looks at you? There's no way he won't follow you to the end of the Earth. Just because it didn't work out between me and your father doesn't mean it won't for you and Edward."
It feels like forever before I'm able to breathe again without an air bubble threatening to tear out of my throat. My eyes are still red from crying, but my mom assures me that she's wiped away all of the "black shit" from around my eyes. Her words, not mine.
"Oh, my Bella," she whispers to me. "Come here, sweet child of mine." She opens her arms wide, and I walk into them gladly. She rocks me gently from side to side and sings Guns N' Roses into my ear.
I laugh into her shoulder and let her sing off-key to me in her arms until the boys come back out for us.
-x-
Mom and Phil are talking with my dad in the kitchen when I come downstairs from my room wearing warmer clothes. I'm not too thrilled about the sand that is sure to climb up my ass tonight at the bonfire, but I'm excited for Jake. We're all going down to La Push to celebrate his acceptance into Texas State.
"Hey." Edward's first to see me enter the room, and everyone else is lifting their gazes to mine.
Mom gives me a look and a wink while tilting her head to the unexpected guest at the table she's sitting at. It's a sign that says she approves, and I shake my head to tell her to stop. She has to be wrong about this other woman in the room. My dad doesn't date. Ever.
Or so I thought.
To anyone else, seeing their mom and stepdad under the same roof as their dad and his "supposed" new girlfriend might be weird. To me, it's still weird, but it's also just how my mom is.
Charlie, not so much. I can see by the constipated look on his face that the situation is uncomfortable for him. I know he'll always have feelings for my mom, but I also know that he's not pining away for her anymore. I know this because of the woman sitting at the table beside him.
Sue Clearwater.
Holy hell. I didn't even know they were dating until we came home and caught them trying to sneak out of the house with overnight bags. I'm still in a bit of denial. It's just so unexpected and weird and…
Phil's phone rings, and he tells mom he'll start the car and wait for her. He plants a kiss goodbye on my cheek as he passes by on his way out. Dad looks up at me nervously, and Sue begins to gather coffee cups and empty plates of what looks like apple pie. She offers Edward another piece, and his "Hell yes!" in reply makes her laugh and pat his cheek.
"I… uh…" Dad blushes and rubs a hand against the back of his neck. "I'm gonna drive Sue home, and I might um... st-stay the night."
"Ew." I grimace.
He sighs and says my name as a warning. "Bella…"
"Yeah, yeah. All right, whatever. Go and do grown-up things." I wave him away. "But don't you dare come home one day telling me you're pregnant, because you have your entire future ahead of you, Charlie Swan!"
"Ha. Ha." He rolls his eyes at me and pulls me over to kiss the top of my head. "Later, Bells."
Sue passes by and hugs me goodbye, as well, but it's awkward. She's always been Mrs. Clearwater to me, even though she and Harry have been divorced for almost as long as Seth has been alive. It's strange. My dad has a girlfriend who he has sleepovers with. Ewww.
"You gonna be okay?" Mom brushes the hair from my face. "I know this might seem weird, but your father is a man, Bella. He has needs, too, and—"
"Ew! Ew! Stop!" I cover my ears. "Gross! Don't ever- Just…don't, okay? Blech." I shudder.
She chuckles and pulls me into her side. "Well, Foxy," she looks at Edward. "It's been a blast, but I gotta hit the road. See you at the competition. I'll save you a spot." She winks and lifts a hand to wave goodbye to him, and then she steers me to the front door. "Walk me out, child," she orders me.
We walk out to the rental where Phil is behind the wheel, glued to his damn phone again, and Mom turns to me for a hug.
"See you in two days," she whispers to me.
"Bye, Mom." I sigh and pull away to head back for the house.
"Oh, and Bella?" she calls out, and I stop to look at her.
I frown curiously. "Uhh… Yeah?"
She takes a step forward. "Edward's a nice boy, very good looking and sexy. He has that whole bad boy vibe, and he—"
"Mom!" I laugh.
She shakes her head. "Oh, right. Okay. Anyway…"
I raise my brow curiously.
"I know how easy it is to be consumed by things. Just… don't forget who you are and what you want. Okay?"
"I won't." I promise her with a smile.
Then I'm waving goodbye. She's gone, and I'm standing outside my house trying to find the courage to walk back inside. Because now that's she's gone, it finally hits me that I'm an adult. I'll be graduating soon, and then I'll off to college. But knowing Edward will be with me is comforting. I'm still nervous as hell, but I know it'll be okay. That alone is such a relief.
"Why are you standing outside?" Edward's voice breaks into my thoughts. I look up to see him frowning as he opens the door.
I shrug and rush up the steps to join him. "Nothing. Ready to go?"
"Yeah." His hands circle my shoulders and bring me back around to face him. "You okay?" His eyes search mine before he brings me to his chest.
I press my lips to his and smile genuinely. "Yep."
-x-
The air tastes of salt as I sit a few feet away from the burning stack of wood placed in the middle of our gathering. The sun has long since said its goodbyes, and every now and then, I watch the flames lick the darkened sky above us. The moon is high and amongst it are a thousand twinkling stars that reflect against the vast sea before us. It's only a short walk to the ocean shore that slaps the surface sand with every swell that slides in.
Just looking at it makes me shiver with cold chills, and it causes Edward's arms to tighten around me. "You want my jacket?" His lips feel soft against the shell of my ear.
I shake my head and snuggle into him further. He's leaning against an old tree log, and I'm leaning against his chest while everyone laughs and clinks beer bottles or red plastic cups. There aren't too many people present; it's only a small and intimate gathering.
The main party started at the Black's house in celebration of Jake being accepted to Texas State on a football scholarship. Dad was there, too, with Sue among the friends of family in attendance. I could tell by the way he had looked at me from the corner of his eyes during the party that he wanted me to say something about getting into Vassar. But this is Jake's day, and I'm still cautious about announcing my own college acceptance. I don't want to jinx anything.
Edward's hand cradles the side of my face, his thumb caressing the apple of my cheek as he talks to Paul and Embry about cars. His other hand is held in front of me with fingers spread as I mindlessly link and unlink our fingers, pull and push, fist and extend. The heat from the fire feels amazing when the wind hits it just right in my direction.
"You all right?" he whispers into the side of my face, his arms tightening around me. At my nod, his snickers through his nose and the air tickles my ear, making me squirm and giggle. I swear this boy makes me act like such a girl. I can't even pretend to act like he doesn't affect me.
"What's so funny?" he utters deeply and directly into my ear so that it sends tingles and shivers all over me. "Belllllaaa, what's so funny?" He uses the deepest of baritones to say these words, and I'm literally squealing and laughing like a maniac.
"Stop!" I roll and wiggle until we're both wrestling in the sand. "Ah! Edward, I have sand in my ass!" I scream, and then I start to cough and spit when I get sand in my mouth.
"Shit," he chuckles and then pulls us both upright. "I think I swallowed a shell."
"You two okay over there?" Paul stares at us across the fire oddly. "What was in your cups?" he teases us, and Edward rolls his eyes and flips him off playfully.
"Shut up!" I laugh at the guys and snuggle back into Edward the way I was before our impromptu tickle fight.
"Shut up!" Edward mocks me in a high voice, which makes me toss my hand behind me to smack him with the back of my hand. "Ow! What the hell?" he scoffs when I accidentally hit his nose.
We're both pretty buzzed so it just makes both of us giggly again. "Sorry!" I shout when he wiggles his fingers in my sides as punishment.
"Gimme a kiss." He pulls my face to his lips by my chin. I purse my lips, and he swoops down and practically shoves his tongue down my throat. We stop when people start to catcall and whistle. Edward and I pull away with a smack of wet lips.
Quil shakes his head at us as he holds his fifth attempt at roasting a marshmallow over the flames. "And I thought Jake and Mak where bad."
"Ha!" Paul shouts. "Seriously, have you seen the two of them lately? They're acting like he's leaving tomorrow or something. Sheesh." His nose wrinkles.
"Man it's gonna be so different next year when Jake's gone." Embry frowns and tosses something into the fire so that it crackles. He still has one more year of school left, and with Jake being one of his biggest mentors, I can understand his slight uneasiness. "What about you, man? You planning on staying here?"
Edward links our fingers and brings my knuckles to his lips for a light kiss, then he smiles against the back of my hand. "Nah," he shakes his head casually. "I have plans of my own." Then I feel his lips on my jaw, trailing up to behind my ear where he nuzzles his nose until I turn to kiss him.
My eyes search for Jake's grinning face on the other side of the fire, where he stands with his friends gathered around him proudly. Royce has his arm slung around Jake's shoulders like a proud father, and the way Edward glances up at them every few minutes makes me feel like he feels that way about Jake, too. I know they've always been Jake's biggest motivators whenever he doubted his own talent, and I've come to learn that Makenna was his tutor when his grades started to slip earlier in the year, which is how they met.
I hate that a small part of me is kind of jealous. I wish Edward cared enough to want to go to college. I wish we were celebrating Edward's future at a university, and I could breathe easy without guilt or worry that he'll look at me one day with resentment. Now that he knows about Vassar, I feel great but I also feel a little apprehensive. What are Edward's plans for the future? I need to remind myself to ask him during our long drive to Seattle. It will be the perfect time and place to discuss things like that. Mostly because he'll be trapped with me in a moving vehicle. No chance for escape. I grin mischievously to myself at the thought.
"Hey!" A loud voice shocks me out of my mind. I look up to see Makenna trotting over to us with a sleepy smile and drunk eyes. Claire, Emily, and Rachel following close behind. "Oh, Cullen, Jake wants to talk to you." She motions behind her back where Jake and Royce are waving Edward over, and I bend forward to allow him room to get up.
"You're so drunk." I smirk at Mak who nods her head dramatically.
"I'm so happy!" She hiccups and covers her mouth with a hand and giggles.
"Whoa, there!" Embry's girlfriend, Claire, quickly reaches out to keep Mak from toppling over. "Shit." I hear a curse and then laugh as I watch Mak slide down to the sand with a dopey side smile.
"Come here, you." I open my arms, and she crawls closer to lean her head on my shoulder.
"I love my Be-Bo-Bell-lah." Mak snorts into the side of my neck. "You're funny," she snickers.
"You're drunk," I say back.
"I'm sleepy," she whispers and then rests her head on my chest and starts to breathe evenly. I look up at her friends, and we all hold back our laughs so as not to wake her up.
The other girls settle down around me, and I try to ignore the tiny part of me that feels nervous to be around girls that I don't really know, especially when they probably know more about Edward's past than I do.
"Heard you're going to Nationals this weekend." Claire is the first to speak up, her eyes travel the faces of those around her as if to see if it's cool to talk to me or not.
Apparently, it is.
"Yeah, I know someone who is going to be there from a different school." Rachel — Paul's girl that's a friend but not his "girlfriend" — smiles at me. "She said being a true cheerleader is like being a gymnast. You train, train, train, and have no time for a social life."
Emily looks up from her phone. "So does that mean you're not a true cheerleader, Bella?"
I pause and take a long and slow sip from my Solo cup while I stare at Emily without blinking. Only when she finally tears her eyes away to stare down at her phone again do I reply. "I guess I'm one of the lucky ones then. I can captain a cheer squad and fuck my boyfriend whenever I want. In fact, he's coming with me to Seattle."
Not going to lie, I take great pride when Emily flinches at my words and types like crazy on her phone before walking off. There is no doubt she's relaying everything to either her cousin, Leah, or that whore, Alice. Rachel and Claire shake their heads at Emily in disgust and then turn to look at me apologetically.
"Forget her. She's Leah's bitch." Makenna slurs into my collar. I snort in amusement and pat her head.
"I've always wanted to be a cheerleader." Claire says before drinking whatever's left in her cup. "Are you nervous? You know, to be in front of all those people?"
"No," I shake my head. "My team is solid. We've practiced our cheers and our dance routine to the point of boredom and being able to sleepwalk through the choreography. We're set," I tell them.
There is nothing to worry about really, except maybe how the judges will score us without our former golden goddess, Rosalie. I'm so thankful for Jessica. She's really stepped up in Rose's absence, and our cheer mom's Connie, absence. I still can't believe I'm actually friends with Jessica-fucking-Stanley. How twisted is that?
"Be-bo-el-lah is gonna kick ass this weekend!" Makenna suddenly throws her arm out in a quasi-battle cry. "Wish I could be there, but… I'm sleepy."
"I think it's time to take this party monster home." I say to Claire and Rachel. "How did you get here tonight, sweetie?" I ask Mak. and her answer comes in small, incoherent mumbles said into my jacket. In return, I pat her back and tell her that I'll take her before gently setting her against the log so I can get up and say goodbye to Jake.
"Good luck, Bella." Claire says when she stands and dusts off the sand from her jeans.
"Yeah," Rachel adds. "Break a leg. Well, don't really break a leg, but… ugh. You know what I mean." She hides her embarrassed face and walks away with Claire to their boyfriends.
When they're gone, I tell Makenna to stay where she is until I come back — not that she hears me — and start for the other side of the bonfire. Royce and Edward are laughing about something as I come up and shoulder between them so I can hug Jake.
"I'm so proud of you, Jerkface!" I say as he squeezes me in his arms and rocks us back and forth.
Royce teases us, and I flip him off. Edward chuckles and shoves Royce so he'll shut up, which then makes Royce shove him back and they start a playful lap fight against each other. Boys.
"I'm going to take your drunk girlfriend home, okay?" I squeeze my arms around the guest of honor.
"I'll take her, Bella. Don't worry about it." He lifts his head to look over my shoulder and frowns. "Wow. Is she okay? I told her that Claire and Rachel spiked their cups with vodka, but she didn't care. Damn, she looks like a crazy hobo."
His grimace makes me twist around to see Mak talking to Paul, Quil and Embry while completely sprawled out in the sand with lidded eyes. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing, and he pushes my shoulder and pretends to scold me for laughing at his girlfriend.
"I've seen you worse off, Smella." Jake ruffles my hair. "In fact I'm pretty sure I've held your hair back once or twice while you prayed to the porcelain gods." He snickers and dodges a weak punch from me.
"Oh, hush." I roll my eyes and pinch his side.
"Hush what?" Royce bounces over with renewed energy from his scuffle with Edward. He ruffles my hair in much the same way Jake had, and once again, he's engaged in yet another play fight. This time, it's with me.
But he doesn't play fair. He lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder fireman-style, then runs in circles to make me super dizzy.
"Edward!" I call for backup, but he holds his hands up empty at his sides and tells us he's Switzerland. Jerk.
I smack Royce on the back and shout for him to put me down, but he ignores me until I say I'm going to puke. He slows down but doesn't let me go. Instead he stands beside the guys and pretends I'm a fur coat.
"Nice," Edward plays along. "I love the texture." He slides his hand over my ass. "What do you call this?"
"I'm going to kick both your asses!" I yell and try hard not to laugh.
"Not sure. But it was cheap!" He shakes me, and I cover my mouth and burp. The sound makes Royce yelp, and he practically tosses me like a hot potato at Edward. "Here. You can have it!"
"Hey, fucker. Be careful. This is precious cargo." Edward sets me down and curves a hand over my ass. I lean against him while all the blood in my head goes back to its normal places.
"Shit, I feel like a fucking proud papa bear!" Royce throws his arm around Jake. "Who would have thought this skinny ass Quileute would one day be some hotshot quarterback?"
"Not me," Jake laughs. "I still remember the first time we all played football together. You and Cullen hammered my ass into the ground."
"That was to toughen you up." Edward smirks and shakes Jake by the shoulder. "I knew you were gonna grow into that big head of yours and become a bigger fucker than even me and Roy."
It's too dark to see, but I know Jake's blushing by the shy shake of his head. "Yeah, but seriously… Thank you." He looks at Edward and Royce. "I wouldn't have stuck with football if it wasn't for you two always encouraging me and shit. It was because of you guys training with me the summer before sophomore year that I even made the team."
"Nah," Edward disagrees. "You made that team cuz you're good, brother. Roy and I just made sure you never forgot that. Fuck, if one of us was gonna make it out of La Push?" he pauses to take a deep breath.
"It was gonna be you, bro." Royce clamps a hand onto Jake's shoulder.
Jake nods and raises his fist when Edward initiates a fist bump. Then he pulls Jake over for a "bro hug," and when it's Royce's turn to do the same, he grabs Jake in a headlock instead.
"Doesn't mean I can't still take you, though!" Royce makes pretend punching sounds as he keeps Jake under his arm and teases him with soft hits.
"You ready to go, babe?" Edward pulls a lock of my hair to break my thoughts and get my attention. "It's almost one."
"Yeah." I blink a few times before a yawn escapes me. I hug Royce and then turn to hug Jake. "Later, Texan," I tease him.
"Later, New York," he teases me back. When I look up at him curiously, he leans over and says into my ear, "I know about Vassar. I'm proud of you, Bells."
With a final squeeze that pulls the air from my lungs, I kiss his cheek.
"Your mom is weird, Bella." Royce shakes his head while scrolling through his phone. "Did you see what she just posted on your Facebook?" He holds out his phone to us. "Is that a picture of a dinosaur with your face on it?"
I groan. "Ugh. She just downloaded this new app on her phone that puts people's faces on things. She's been sending them to me all night. I guess she got sick of me ignoring her texts."
Edward snickers and pulls me to him. "Roy, you don't even know the half of the crazy that is Renee Dwyer. And let me tell you, the apple does not fall far from the tree."
"Hey!" I elbow his ribs and pretend to be offended.
"What?" He plays innocent. "I love your crazy." He kisses my mouth.
I pull his face down to mine and kiss the hell out of him.
-x-
The DJ on the radio says it's well past midnight and nearing the witching hour. I don't particularly know what he's talking about, but when I look over at Edward's raised brow, I laugh and we both shake our heads. He switches it off, and I sigh when Edward's fingers slip free from my grip so he can hit the gate opener on his sun visor.
The large black gates slide open, and we move forward just as Edward reclaims my hand in his. I feel heavy with sleep, and I'm eager to cuddle under the covers with my boyfriend. A yawn takes over me when we pitch forward past the gates, and he glides into his assigned parking spot with ease.
"Don't go to sleep." He shakes me and I snort at him, pushing my door open. "I mean it. I have something for you."
"Gimme." I hold a hand out as he rounds the front of the car toward me.
He smirks and rubs a finger gently over my bottom lip. "You're so fucking beautiful, baby." His whisper sends chills through me. "I know I don't deserve you, but I'm too damn selfish to let you go."
"Don't talk like that," I scold him with a deep frown. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to hear you say things like that?" I raise a hand and press it to the side of his face. "I love you. All of you." I lean in and kiss him softly. "Once we're in New York, you can be anything you want to be. It's a chance to start over, reinvent yourself."
His nod is slight, but I can tell he's not really taking my words to heart.
"Hey." I grab onto his jacket and shake him once firmly. "Look at me, Edward." I wait for his eyes to lock with mine. "Please promise to try?"
He nods and bends his head to mine so our foreheads touch.
"I'll be good to you, Bella. I promise. I'll do whatever it takes to deserve you someday." His hands squeeze my waist and slide up my back to pull me to his chest.
"You're already good to me," I say with my nose in his collar and my lips on his skin.
"I want to be better," he whispers back and reaches into the front of his hoodie to pull out a little black box.
"Edward…." I gasp and look up at him with a wide, gaping mouth and a pounding heart. "Oh, my God." I shake my head. "You didn't—"
"I didn't." He stops me with a finger against my lips. "Just open it."
I bite my tongue to keep the smile at bay and look at the box in my hands. Working up the courage to see what's inside isn't nearly as hard as it takes everything inside of me to keep from turning into a blubbering mess. "Edward?" I look up at him unsure. "Are you… Really?"
He takes the box from me, pulls out the long silver chain, and takes the pendant at the end between his fingers. "C'mere." He motions for me to turn around so he can put it on me.
I lift my hair and bite my lip to stop its trembling. When he's done, I turn around and wrap my arms around his neck.
"You know how much this means to me, right?" he asks as he stares into my eyes.
I nod and reach down to hold up the shamrock pendant - his mother's shamrock pendant - the one he had in his hand the day I pummeled him to the ground from the swings.
"Well, now you can understand how much you mean to me," he explains and fingers the chain at my neck. "You're the most important person in my life, Bella, my favorite person. I just want you to always know that."
I lean forward and kiss his lips softly. "I know it, Edward." I kiss him again and press my forehead to his. "I wish I had something significant to give you in return so you know how much I love you back."
He smiles and slides his hand between us to press against my heart. "You already have."
-x-
We're laughing playfully with each other on his bed and wrestling for the remote. He likes to sleep with the TV on, and I can't stand the light in my face.
"You know this will not be our nightly routine when we move, right?" I warn with a smirk, remote dangling over our heads while he crushes his body on top of mine.
"I can be persuasive." He wiggles his brows, and with only the television lighting up the room, he's all dark angles and sexy smirks.
"But I can't sleep with the light," I pout.
He mocks me with an exaggerated huff of his own then plucks the remote away. "I'll lower the brightness."
"Edward." I groan. "Why?"
He ignores me and changes the settings, eyes on the screen and not me. "You know why," he says quietly.
I wince and feel like a total bitch. He's told me this before. I can't believe I forgot. After his mom left, he used to put the television on when he went to sleep at night so it didn't feel like he was alone. His dad was never home even before he took off, but the silence was a constant reminder that Elizabeth was gone. He'd watch Nick-at-Night until he'd fall asleep to the sound of Mary Tyler Moore, Sanford and Son, and Andy Griffith. After a while, he found that he couldn't sleep without them.
I take a deep breath and lay back on the pillows.
He sits at the foot of the bed watching the TV on a low setting, and I end up crawling over and wrapping my arms around him. Chin on his shoulder, I sigh and kiss his jaw. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I suck."
His lips quirk, but he doesn't say anything. Then, I pull back and hop off the bed to stand in front of him. My hands push until he scoots all the way back to his spot on the bed, and then I rest against his chest and rub my hand up and down his torso.
"Mary Tyler Moore was a total babe in her day," I mumble into his shirt. "I used to want to be just like her. I used to watch her show with my grandma."
I feel his hand creep up under my shirt to caress my back. "You miss her?"
I nod and lift my leg over one of his. "Yeah. You ever wish you knew your grandparents?"
He shrugs. "Not really." His response makes me sad. "Doesn't matter now anyway," he adds and looks down at me. I arch my brow as if to ask why. "I have you," he answers.
I rise up and kiss his cheek, the corner of his mouth, and then his lips. His long, nimble fingers feather down my face and catch at my bottom lip, pulling it downward until the tip of his finger leaves and it flips back so he can trail over the curve of my chin. His eyes watch his hand's every move before he kisses me. One kiss turns to two then three, and then he's on top of me and his hands are everywhere. He palms my tits, thumbs over my nipples, grinds his hips into mine so that I can feel him hard between my thighs.
"Mmm… That feels amazing," I moan as he sucks and nibbles at my neck. The outline of his cock rubs me just the right way so that I'm panting and needy within seconds. I love the broad span of his shoulders hovering over me while his mouth presses wet kisses from my lips to my neck. I feel so small compared to him. Large hands grip and run the length of my sides carefully, like he's handling a delicate treasure. He makes me feel so precious.
I slide my fingers up his back and push his shirt up higher. "I want to feel your skin on mine," I whisper, and we pull apart and sit up. I grin, and he leans forward to kiss me. I push his shirt further up his chest, and he reaches behind his neck to slip it over his head.
My lips press where my tattoo is. I lick my tongue out over it and then move down to tease his nipple with my teeth and tongue. He shivers, and I can feel his heart going crazy in his chest. I press slow and lingering kisses to his warm skin and leave behind slick lip prints.
"C'mere," he says before yanking me up by my waist and onto his lap.
We start to kiss again, lips pressing once and then pulling back slowly. Edward's lips are pillow soft, but forceful when I open my mouth and his tongue slips inside. He groans, and I feel his hands wander down my shoulders and over my breasts to the bottom of my shirt, where they slip under and roam upward. My skin roars alive like a fire when his warm palms rubs across my stomach, then up, up, up to cup my breasts, rubbing, kneading tenuously. I gasp as my nipples peak under his touch.
"Edward," I whine and wither, arching into his hands.
"Fuck, I love your tits." He stares at them in awe, as if he hasn't seen them a hundred times, hasn't sucked them into his mouth or covered them in his cum.
My head falls back when his hands push and bunch them together. I watch him bow forward with eyes that never leave mine as he slides the flat of his tongue over my left nipple. My thighs tense astride his hips, and he grins and pushes back so that I feel how hard he is. My panty covered hips roll over his, and my arms wrap around his neck to pull him in closer. He kisses my collarbone, under my chin, and up to my lips, and my fingers dig into his hair and tug.
"I love when you do that," he pants into my mouth, so I do it again. He grunts and lifts his hips into mine so that I whine against his lips and push back. His arms are strong, protective, and his large hands with long lithe fingers caress me and suddenly grab and clench, like I'll float away if he lets go. "You fit so perfect right here with me, Bella." His small confession draws my eyes closed, and my forehead tilts forward to touch his.
"That's because I belong right here with you." My nose nuzzles his, and our lips hover so close, we share a breath. His hands span my waist and move up my sides and then slowly back down my spine. "Just like this," I whisper and dip my mouth down to his.
My hips rock, and his rise to meet mine — slow, not fast. We take our time and gasp together when the friction grows too intense. Lips touch and pull away only to link up again until he moves onto my neck, pulling flesh between his lips and teeth gently while teasing me with his wet tongue. My hands tangle in his short locks, barely enough to twist between my fingers with enough strength to entice him to continue what he's doing. I lean back when his palms press to my ribs and his thumbs play and circle my sensitive peaks.
"Please," I whine for nothing and everything. I slide my hands down the back of his neck, over his shoulders to softly claw the front of his chest down to his sweatpants. "Touch me, Edward." My voice is husky and filled with desire.
"Where?" he asks, fingers slipping into the backs of my sleep shorts, past my panties and curving around my ass. "Here?" he squeezes, and I bury my face into the space between his neck and shoulder. My hips start to rock back and forth again, working up a steady rhythm that causes his hands to grip harder.
"Sit up." His tone is breathless, chest heaving and eyes dark with need. I do as I'm told, and he pushes my shorts and panties down my hips to my thighs. One at a time, I lift my knees so he can pull my bottoms free. "So wet," he whispers as one hand clenches around my ruined sleepwear. "Do I make you wet, baby?" he speaks into my stomach, and for a moment, I wonder if he's talking to me or my pussy.
I don't get to ask, because he's spreading my knees apart. My arousal is between his fingers that circle around my clit. I bite my lip and fall forward to cry into his shoulder. My hips undulate involuntarily, and the added pressure causes my mouth to gape and my teeth to dig into his skin. He slips a finger inside my opening, and I cry out and buck into his hand as he adds another.
His lips press small wet kisses all over my chest, my shoulders, all while he teases my pussy with his fingers, pushing in and pulling out with his watchful eyes glued to the motion. He whispers how hot and wet and perfect I am, how good it feels when my pussy clenches around his fingers. I can barely contain my whimpers and cries until my entire body seizes up, and I'm shrieking out into the room. I barely have time to recover before I'm flipped onto my back and his mouth is on me, sucking and licking at my pussy, like it's made of the sweetest honey.
"You taste so fucking good. Do you love when I put my mouth on you, baby?" his deep voice hums before his tongue flicks against my clit and sucks it between his lips.
"Ah!" I yelp, and it's followed quickly by a long moan. "So good. So fucking good."
My hands fist into the sheets to keep from pressing his face into me further while my hips rise and rock. Even though it's so good it hurts, I can't stop him. I try to push him away when the feeling is too intense, but he grunts and swirls his tongue around my opening and then slides it up to circle my swollen nub.
"Edward!" I scream and yank at his hair so that he darts up, and I attack his mouth with mine. It's wet and sloppy and I taste myself on his lips, but I'm so fucking buzzed from my orgasm, I could care less. I slink a hand down between us to cup him over his sweats, and he thrusts into it with a groan.
"You want my mouth?" I ask just as my hand slips into his sweats and wraps around his cock, stroking up and down his silky length. My thumb circles the tip, and I love the way he shudders and nearly collapses on top of me.
"Fuck… Yes. I want your mouth on me, baby," he huffs into my neck, hips rocking into my hand as I cup his balls and squeeze.
"Lay back," I whisper with a hand against his chest. We both work together to remove his sweats — no underwear — and I lick my lips and make sure he watches me as I lower my mouth and kiss the salty tip of his cock. His stomach muscles clench, and I watch his hands rise as if to grab me but fall back to his sides. I flatten my tongue against him and lick upward, never looking away and loving how he twitches, just before I wrap my lips around his cock and slide my mouth down until I feel him touch the back of my throat. I hum as if savoring chocolate and his chest rises and falls with quick breaths, eyes still locked on my face. When I pull up, I immediately swallow him back down and breathe through my nose as I hollow out my cheeks. When I need to breathe, I pull him out and stroke him with my hand a few times before diving back in.
"Fuck, yeah… Make me come, baby," he whispers, and I feel his hand on my cheek and his fingers push the hair from my face so that he can watch me. He sucks air between his teeth when I set my hands onto his thighs and use them for leverage as I speed up my bobbing. "So good," he says, and it spurs me on faster, deeper. I reach out, and he links our fingers tightly. I pull it to my head, and he knows I want him to guide me toward his climax.
When it feels like every muscle in his entire body tenses up, I cup his balls, squeeze, pull gently, and then he explodes down my throat, shouting my name and falling limp. I swallow every drop without hesitating so that I don't think about how it tastes. I love how he trembles beneath me, skin slick with a light sheen of sweat and breath shallow and quick.
"God damn, I love you. C'mere." He pulls me to his chest and kisses me hungrily until it tapers off into slow sensual kisses.
Naked and aroused, I rub my body against his and find friction where I can until he's ready for me again. Still breathless and with a racing heart, he presses his lips all over my face and whispers that he loves me just before his mouth covers mine. The heat inside of me starts to build up again as we kiss and stroke and whisper sweet nothings to each other.
"You're so beautiful." His eyes bore deep into mine as I trace a finger along his jaw line. "Everything about you, Bella… I just want to deserve you. I'll do anything for that." He picks up my necklace and kisses it, then sets it back down gently. "You know I'd do anything for you. All you have to do is ask me, Bella baby."
I wiggle and pull until he's hovering over me with his face between my hands. "Love me, Edward," I whisper so soft he has to read my lips. "That's all I want."
Naked skin slides, hands touch and grab and pull. Lips press and kiss, and tongues slick over salty, sweaty skin while giggles fill our ears until they turn to moans. My head falls back, and my chest arches when I feel his cock slide up and down between my folds, slick with my wet arousal. I groan and shiver each time the tip pushes against my clit. It's so good, I bend my knees higher and circle his hips with my ankles crossed.
One hand spread palm down beside my head slips down to where my shoulder lies. Edward leans to his right, and I watch him reach down between us to line us up. He teases his tip up and down my slit, smirking at my deep intake of breath and trembling torso. His eyes rise to meet mine, and with no words, he tells me he loves me. I feel it in his touch, see it in his gaze, and hear it with every shaky breath from his lips, and he slowly pushes into me.
My mouth falls open with a gasp as soon as his pelvis touches mine so achingly slow and sweet. One hand goes to the hair at the back of his neck and the other to his bicep so I can draw him down to meet my quivering lips. I mewl into his mouth when he pulls back bit by bit with a look of absolute adoration. It's so intense, it makes my eyes sting, and with a push, he fills me again. I cry and whimper in pleasure. He feels so good pushing in and out of me in a steady rhythm that picks up speed until my stomach tenses. My thighs squeeze, and my pussy tightens, and his eyes close with shallow breathes against my cheek.
I feel him trembling above me and know he's going to come soon even though I'm nowhere near my own end, and that's okay. Because this feels so amazing, so fucking fantastic and powerful and full of love. I don't think I ever really understood the term "making love" until this very moment.
"Ah, Bella…" comes his husky warning.
"It's okay." I kiss his chin. "Let it go, baby. Give it to me. I want it." I kiss him again and close my eyes as he thrusts erratically with his brow wrinkled and his jaw clenched. He's so breathtakingly beautiful, especially now when every single one of his defenses is down, leaving him open and vulnerable and mine… all mine.
"Ah, fuck…" he curses and buries his face into my neck while his hips press me hard into the bed as he finally gives into his pleasure. His arms wrap around me, yanking me into his chest, and he comes inside of me. His body quivers with aftershocks and with every jerk I say softly into his ear, "I know. I know, baby." I know how intense it can be between us, how all-consuming these emotions are when we're connected like this. "Bella…" he huffs and struggles for breath against my shoulder as his heart flutters against my chest.
We stay locked together for a few more seconds until he pulls out and rolls onto his back with me on his chest. I want to lift my leg and curl it around one of his, but I can feel his cum leaking out of me and I don't want to ruin this moment. So I stay still with my thighs pressed closed, and I kiss my tattoo several times and whisper the words across his skin over and over until his heart settles and he lifts me in his arms to the shower.
I can't wait to make nights like this permanent with him in Poughkeepsie.
-x-
I look to you
When I see nothing
I look to you
To see truth
And I look to you
When I feel nothing
And I look to you
To be
And I walk in a field with wings
I walk in a field with wings
I walk in a field with wings
I walk in a field with wings
I walk
To you
So tell me where to find you
And tell me where to go
Cause I've tasted all your affections
From my mind
My heart
My body
And my soul
-x-
AN: This chapter's title (as well as posted lyrics above) refers to the song With Wings sung by Amy Stroup.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your reviews and messages and tweets. You are all so awesome and patient and I know I took forever. I'm so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I really do love you all so much, thank you for choosing to take part in this crazy story. You're all awesome highest of fives to everyone.
Special shout to my bestie Heather (londonstew/duvalheather), she
I really want to thank everyone who stepped up to offer their beta services. I went with Smexy4Smarties, but for some reason we lost touch (could have been my lack of providing an update for months on end). Thank you to Justine for helping me during the first few rewrites, lol. So now I want to thank my new beta and awesome friend MariahajilE for being so awesome and agreeing to take this monster on. Thanks, girl!
I will never pull TSB unless FF does.
If this happens, I also post at: theslowestburn. wordpress. com
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