Lost That War:
Tidbits, Extras, Deleted Scenes…
So of course, we've reached the end where, as usual, I do the questions/answers, extras that you miss out in the story, and the deleted scenes.
To start off, I want to say this because there's been many times when there have been statements about it.
SOS was discontinued so that I could write this story. When I initially started writing this story, it was after discussing, over a period of several weeks with Katie (bitemeimirish) that I wanted to do something involving the subject of rape. We both discussed it, and to be honest, I think we both had agreed that we weren't sure anyone in the PLL world would actually want to read a story about such sensitive subject matter. Imagine how floored I was when the story had as many reviews as it did.
Why was the story so heavily rested on Ezra's shoulders?
The answer to this is very simple. When I first started this story, it was with the excerpt posted at the top of chapter one. All I knew was that I wanted to come back to that excerpt somehow. I wanted to somehow tie it into the story, and show how Aria could go from being so desperately in love with Ezra, to a point where she almost saw him as poison.
As it was, the first ten chapters or so were very heavily rested on his shoulders. However, as I continued to write the story, I gained more feedback from friends, who wanted to know more about what was going on with Aria, which drove me to shift the story more into her direction. I gave Ezra the stronger voice for the majority of the story because in terms of my own issues that I've been through, I've been in the situation of having to deal with something like that happening more than once. It was easier to pull from my own memories for his arc than it was to try and navigate how Aria would feel, though why, I'm not exactly sure.
I have to put this in here:
Why not have Aria and Ezra have sex earlier in the story?
I put this in here because I got a review earlier on asking for them to have sex, and to be honest, it really hurt me. Regardless of whatever reason that someone would think this would be okay with where the characters were at (which, at the time, was before Aria's trial had happened), it's not. I don't think I know of a single person who would become sexually involved that soon after being assaulted. Being able to have sex after a trauma like that is terrifying, and trying to do it before you're ready (which believe me, the characters weren't) can have lasting effects that can severely hurt a person emotionally.
Why did Ezra keep referring to himself as damaged?
Very simple really. I said many times on twitter and tumblr that Ezra's story was a mock-up of my own. (Not the same, but some of the same elements). A lot of the things that he said were modeled after things I said/say about myself. As unfortunate as it is, one of the words I clung to early on (sadly because of the 'friends' I had at the time, who didn't really help me as much as I thought they were) was damaged. Over the years, I've gotten better, but really up until the past year, I used it almost on a daily basis. I remember on one occasion, there was something said on TV (I think it was Oprah or something; maybe a commercial during Oprah?) about how so many people don't know why they're unhappy, and I said out loud in front of two close friends, "I do! I think I'm too damaged to be loved."
As sad as that is, it is a belief I have about myself. Putting those words in Ezra's mouth seemed easier not only because his story was modeled slightly after mine, but also because Ezra and Aria are who I identify on PLL, and it seemed as if, given that we're both creative types, that it was something I could actually see him saying.
And YES: Ezra was the other person on the site Aria was using. No, they didn't know that the other was also using it.
DELETED SCENES:
There weren't many this time around. There were a few that were changed around a bit, but otherwise they were all used, I think, as far as I can remember.
This first scene was the first scene I wrote that revealed Ezra telling Ella about what had happened to him. I'm pretty sure that at the time, I was still writing chapter one. It was what led to the final version, but this one needed some edits, as it was pretty bare bones.
Ella walked over to Ezra's couch after she'd watched Mike and Aria walk off towards their father's office.
Ezra looked up from the book he was skimming through at her. "Something wrong?"
"Not at all," she replied. "I just...Can I ask you about something?"
Ezra nodded, turning a pen between his fingers. He settled it on his desk and walked around to the front of it, leaning back against it. "Anything." He gestured to the couch. "Please."
Ella sat down on the leather couch and looked up at him. She folded her hands as he perched on the edge of his desk and gripped the edges of it with his fingers.
"You know that we spent a year overseas in Iceland?"
"Right." Ezra nodded. "Aria and I met the day you guys got back."
Ella nodded as well. She was tentative to even bring the subject up. "When we got back, we really didn't know much about what was going on here. But Byron, he saw some of the papers from last term's Hollis students put out-"
Ezra bit down on his tongue. "Did you guys talk to Hardy?"
Ella looked at him with her mouth slightly ajar. She didn't know how to answer his question without worrying that she had upset him. The last thing they had wanted was to make him feel like they were prying into his life.
"The night Aria was hurt, we asked why you were so upset. He wouldn't say anything beyond the papers. Ezra, we-"
Ezra shook his head at her, pushing off of his desk. "You don't want anything more than to pry into my past is what you and Byron want."
"No," Ella insisted. She stood up. "Byron and I wanted to apologize, Ezra."
His brow furrowed in confusion. "Why?"
"For accusing you of the things we did, when you and Aria came to us. If we had known-"
"Stop," he said angrily. "There's a reason no one knows about those things. They're in the past. And it feels really disrespectful that you would suddenly decide that the choices we made weren't wrong anymore because you can see that I'm damaged now."
Ella shook her head. "Ezra, that's not at all what I'm saying."
"I really can't deal with this right now," Ezra insisted. He turned around and faced his desk, moving things around just to keep himself focused on anything else but what she was bringing up.
"Ezra, please just listen- Oh screw it. I'll talk to your back if I have to." Ella crossed her arms. "You know the reason that I was the first to come to you and tell you it was alright to see Aria was because I understood how real this is for the two of you. Aria is my oldest child, and my only daughter. I expected this to happen a few years from now though. I never expected that she'd find...you, at sixteen."
Ezra turned around and look at her. "Your point?" His voice was raw with pain.
"When I started accepting that I couldn't change how you and Aria feel about each other, I knew that I had to start accepting that, like it or not, you're a part of this family now. We care when things happen to you."
Ezra nodded, clenching his jaw as he leaned back against his desk again. His fingers gripped the edge of it again, and he stared at the floor.
"It was about a year ago," he said softly. "I was twenty-one, and I was alone on campus for the weekend. And he, ah, broke the hinge on my window. I should've been on the top bunk, but Hardy was gone, and I had been studying for finals in the library."
Ezra looked up at her and crossed his arms. "When Hardy came back Sunday evening, he thought I'd lost my mind, because I wouldn't say anything. And then he got pissed because I stripped the bed to get rid of the evidence, and thought I threw a party while he was gone. It took me missing three days of classes and an STI for him to realize what happened. Not sure he's ever really gotten past the way he treated me that week."
This was the original version of the fight that took place in Ezra's office. I wasn't sure how to introduce it into the story when I actually wrote it, so I ended up changing some things because of it. This excerpt is very detailed and graphic. You have been warned.
"Don't touch me!" Aria screamed, shoving Ezra backwards. He hit the floor, most of his weight falling onto his cast.
He steamed, clenching his fists. "I get it, alright? Damn it! I know what you're going through!"
Aria cackled at him. "Yeah, right. Like you could ever know anything-"
Ezra shook his head, angry tears filling his eyes. "Was my senior year of college, Aria." A knot was tight in his throat, threatening to keep every word he was trying to say from getting out. "And someone was going after dark-haired guys on campus."
Aria stared at him with an angered expression. "So?" Her voice had softened just in the slightest.
Ezra looked down at his cast. He clenched and unclenched his fist. "He broke in when Hardy was out of town visiting family. I liked to sleep on the bottom bunk when he was gone so that I didn't have to do the ladder.
I woke up, and my arms were tied to the bed, and he was just getting settled behind me. I opened my mouth to scream, and he shoved a sock in my mouth and shoved my face down into the pillow so I couldn't spit it out.
I screamed and screamed when he finally did it. The funny thing was, all I remember thinking was how awful that sock tasted, and how I was going to do laundry once it was all over.
When he finally got off, I thought maybe he'd leave, but then he made me lick him. MADE me suck on him. He came on my face and then FORCED me to get off. And while he did he got off a third time.
He left the key in one of my hands and left me there. When Hardy came home, I had barely moved, beyond getting dressed."
"Did they catch him," Aria asked.
Ezra shook his head. "And he came back. Three times. I was his first and only repeat victim. In the sociology stacks, he came in and shoved my face into the books and ripped my pants off. He had a knife to my throat that time. He always wore a mask, but he tied my hands with a zip tie that time.
The last time, he followed me right back from the infirmary and raped me with my door open. Everyone was in class, and i had jsut given the police a statement. When they finally came along, he locked the door and then made me gag on him until he was satisfied. He beat the hell out of me too."
Aria's shoulder were slumped as she sat on his desk, her arms tightly crossed. "What about Jackie?"
Ezra forced a laugh as several tears fell from his eyes. "She didn't believe me. She said that it wasn't possible. Jackie said a lot of things, and we didn't speak for almost eight months. That day, that you saw that photo of us from Italy? She had messaged me. She was working with one of the other victims, and wouldn't you know it, he said he knew me. She asked him how. He told her he'd seen a photo of me when the police asked if he knew any of the other victims.
We met once. He came by the dorm room when I was packing my things to move into my apartment. Asked if we could talk. I asked him why. He showed me his discharge papers from the hospital."
Ezra forced a gulp down, nodding his head. "I didn't know where my life was when I met you. I was just trying to get through things day to day, and you made things a whole hell of a lot better. When I found out I was your teacher, I pushed you away because I didn't want something to happen to you where I ended up hurting you like I'd been hurt. But when I came back from New York... I'd seen my mom and brother while I was there. They both knew about what happened, and they knew I was seeing someone, without even saying anything."
He walked over to her, but he didn't touch her. "I hated falling in love with you. Thats why I left. I hated feeling that vulnerable again. If I could be so vulnerable that someone could come after me in what I felt like was my home, then what stopped them from coming after me at my apartment?"
"I get it," she whispered, staring up at him.
Ezra shook his head. "I thought I could keep this from you. That if I never said anything, then you would never know. Ever since that night, though…" [unfinished]
Of all the scenes that I couldn't figure out a way to adapt, this one I was most sad to lose. It's the most different from the original, and I love it. However, it was written before the existence of Ezra's family came into play, which leaves it kind of bare in that regard. This scene is graphic. You have been warned (for the second time now).
"Ezra Fitz?"
Ezra looked up from his desk, holding his finger in place of the page he'd just reading in the book he had his western lit. class reading. A man was standing in the doorway with a clipboard in his hands.
"Can I help you," he asked.
The man nodded. "Got some papers for you to sign for the new coffee table you ordered." The name on his shirt said Justin.
Ezra nodded, looking over at the one he was still using. Ever since he'd knocked into it when Aria had shoved him a few weeks earlier, it had been rather unsteady. He walked over to the man and took the clipboard from him.
"Just need your account number and a few signatures," Justin said as Ezra looked the sheet over. He looked around the room. "You seem too have a nice setup in here."
Ezra looked up at him for a quick second, and then back down at the papers he was signing. "Thanks."
"Certainly have come a long way in a year."
Ezra furrowed his brow and looked up at the guy. "Excuse me?"
"Don't recognize me?" Justin asked.
Ezra looked at him suspiciously. "What?"
Before he realized what had happened, he was on the ground, blood dripping from his lower lip. He brought his good hand up to his lip. "What the hell?" His eyes grew wide as he watched Justin shut his door. Suddenly he couldn't scramble fast enough to get to his feet. "Get the hell out of here. Now!"
"YOU drove me out of town," Justin growled as he advanced towards Ezra. He punched him again, and then kneed him in the gut. "Had a pretty nice set-up going before you went to the paper."
He shoved Ezra to the ground and dropped next to him, holding him by the collar of his shirt as he returned to punching him.
"You were raping students," Ezra argued as he tried to deflect the man's fists. He screamed as Justin brought his knee down on his healing wrist.
"I should've killed you that day in your dorm," he growled as he picked Ezra up by his collar and slammed his head back into the floor. He moved to his feet and began kicking Ezra in the torso.
Ezra struggled to get onto his elbows and knees, trying to get in a breath. "Why come back now," he gasped in short breaths.
"Because you're the unfinished piece of the puzzle," Justin growled. He stomped on Ezra's casted arm several times, causing the plaster to fracture and weaken as he did so. Ezra pushed himself onto his hands with less restraint from the cast, and Justin kicked him, knocking him into the coffee table. One of the back legs snapped off.
"You'll never get away with this," Ezra groaned. "Someone will catch you eventually."
Justin kicked him in the side of the head, effectively knocking him unconscious.
Aria turned the door handle to Ezra's office. She hadn't heard from him her entire drive over to the campus, which had her worried. There hadn't been a time that she'd called him since their discussion two weeks earlier, that he didn't pick up. They were finally in a place where they were being honest with each other and telling each other everything.
She pushed the door open and gaped at the sight. An unfamiliar man was kneeling over one of Ezra's legs, working on trying to get his belt undone. His shirt was already ripped open.
"Get off my boyfriend!"
Justin glared back at her. "Leave, or I swear to God, I'll kill him right now."
She could see that he was serious. He had a knife in his hand.
Aria looked panicked at Ezra. He was still unconscious. She looked back at Justin and then turned and closed the door. She had to find Jackie or Hardy.
She was barely ten feet away from the door when Jackie turned into the hall. Aria ran to her. "You have to call the cops. This guy- he-he was in Ezra's room. He's-"
Jackie looked down at her, shaking her head. "What are you talking about?"
"The guy who hurt him before!" Aria cried. She tried not to be loud. "He's got a knife."
Jackie shook her head, pulling her phone from her pocket. She was already speed dialing 911 as she charged down the hall.
"He'll hurt him-"
Jackie glared back at her. "He already has! Do you WANT Ezra to be in the same damaged state you are?!"
She didn't wait for an answer. Jackie yanked the door open and charged into the room. She didn't wait for Justin to react. She charged at him and kicked the knife from his hands and then shoved him backwards and shoved her boot down against his throat as she spoke into her phone.
"You need to send an ambulance and the police to the Hollis English Department. Your campus rapist just tried to attack again." Jackie looked over her shoulder at Aria. "Hey, little Montgomery. Catch."
Aria looked up at her, having just draped her jacket across Ezra. She knew she hadn't left Justin with Ezra long enough to let him hurt him, but he'd managed to get his pants unbuckled and started pulling them down. She caught Jackie's blackberry.
"Hello?"
"Can you tell me if the victim is alive?"
Aria pressed her fingers up against the side of Ezra's neck. His pulse was racing.
"He's alive. Unconscious, and really beat up."
"Any gaping wounds?"
Aria looked over Ezra's body. He had a few cuts on his head, and a nosebleed that had stopped, but she couldn't find anything that seemed super deep. "Not that I can see."
"Alright. An ambulance has been dispatched to you. EMTs will be along shortly."
Aria closed Jackie's phone and settled it next to her, turning her attention back to Ezra. She ripped a piece of his torn shirt off and gently pressed it against the deepest wound on his forehead. He winced and groaned under her touch.
"Ezra?"
She looked over at Jackie, who was arguing with Justin. She still had her boot in his throat. "I swear to God, I'll drive the spike of this boot right into your throat if you don't shut the hell up."
"S'not worth it," Ezra groaned, leaning his back up off the ground as he coughed.
Aria leaned down towards him, turning his head towards her. "What hurts?"
Ezra winced. "The table leg digging in my back."
"Don't move him."
Aria looked up towards the sound that the strict order had come from. An EMT was coming towards them. He was quickly flanked by police officers and more EMTs, who had a stretcher with them.
"Sir, you can't-"
"That's my son-in-law in there!" He lied.
Aria whipped her head around at the police officer trying to bar Byron from getting into the room. "He's my dad," Aria explained.
"Let him in. I want out of here," Jackie told the cop at the door.
"We need your statement," another piped in as he shoved Justin to his feet.
"So follow me to my office," she argued with the officer. "I didn't touch anything in here besides him, anyway."
Byron was at Aria's side a moment later. "Are you alright? Did he touch you?"
Aria shook her head. "No, Jackie tackled him before he could."
"Broke my cast," Ezra said. His voice was raw and cracked from choking and coughing. "Ow, damnit!" He growled at one of the EMTs as he moved Ezra's arm. "You DO realize the kind of force it takes to break plaster, don't you?"
"Sorry, Mr. Fitz."
They finally shifted him, rolling him off of the table leg that had snapped off the coffee table so that they could get the body board under him to put him on the stretcher.
"We're gonna follow you to the hospital," Byron insisted as he lifted his phone to his ear. He pushed up from the floor and walked out of the room.
Aria was pushed back as the EMTs worked to get him settled onto the stretcher and then pushed him out of the room. An officer pulled her aside and took her statement before she was ushered out of the room so that they could start taking photos and sketches of the crime scene.
She leaned against the wall outside of Ezra's office with her phone cradled tightly in her hands. She tapped on her screen, not knowing what to do. She knew her father had called her mother, and she didn't feel right calling one of the girls about this. It felt like calling one of them to talk about this, when they didn't even know what had happened to him a year earlier, would be an invasion of privacy.
Byron walked back into the hallway a moment later as he was tucking his phone into his pants. "Your mother is going to meet us at the hospital."
"Okay," Aria replied quietly. She pushed away from the wall and tucked her phone into her right sweater pocket before crossing her arms. She walked over to Byron.
He wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders as they walked out of the builiding. "Are you alright?"
She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"
"I mean you just saw someone you care for very much get hurt. Are you alright?" Byron repeated.
Aria shrugged. "I guess it hasn't hit me yet."
Ezra winced as he settled back against the pillows on his bed. They had stopped by the Montgomery home to snatch some off of Aria's bed when Ella had found out that Ezra only had two on his bed. She insisted that he needed more support for having three broken ribs and a major concussion.
Aria walked over to the bed and sat down in the space next to him. She handed him a glass of water. Ezra took it from her and took the Vicodin Ella had given him. He passed the glass back to Aria and then moved the pillow behind him into her lap. Aria leaned back against the pillows stacked behind her and wrapped her arms loosely around him. She brushed her fingers gently through his hair.
"Are you okay?" She asked softly.
"Bad, bad headache," he murmured softly.
Aria pulled her hand gently from his hair.
"Don't stop. That feels good."
This scene actually did get used, but I don't think it was under the same context, and it was altered slightly, given that it wasn't the first time Ezra heard Aria play.
Ezra awoke to the sound of piano playing. He looked around the room, and realized he'd fallen asleep in Aria's room. He yawned and pushed up off the bed. As he walked towards the door, he realized he could hear Aria singing as well.
He opened the door and stood there for a moment. He had no idea the Montgomery's owned a piano. He didn't even know Aria played piano. He strained his hearing, and then headed down the hall towards the stairs.
He stood there for a few moments and listened for a bit longer before he walked to the door at the end of the hall. The piano playing became less muffled, and he could actually make out the words Aria was singing.
He put his hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening the door a few inches. He could see her sitting on the piano bench.
"Don't you dare look out your window,
Darling everything's on fire..."
He pushed the door open and walked over to her.
"The war outside the door keeps raging on
Hold on to this lullaby
Even when the music's gone...gone..."
He sat down on the piano bench next to her. She was playing with such adoration, it amazed him that he didn't know how well she could play. He almost felt ashamed for not knowing this about her.
"Just close your eyes,
The sun is going down,
You'll be alright,
No one can hurt you now
Come morning light,
You and I'll be safe and sound..."
Aria opened her eyes, and jumped as she realized someone was with her. She looked up at him.
"S-sorry. Did I wake you?"
Ezra shook his head, brushing a strand of hair out her face. "I heard you playing. I didn't know you played."
Aria shrugged. "I don't much...At least not anymore."
Ezra shook his head. "Why not?"
Aria pulled the cover down over the keys on the piano. Her hands rested there for a minute. "I don't know. I guess after everything happened, I didn't have the drive for it. It was hard enough just to pick up a pen again."
"You know you're not alone though, right?" He asked.
Aria nodded. She turned on the bench to face him. "I just...I couldn't get the song out of my head." She laughed, but a moment later there were tears in her eyes. "I woke up from my nap and it was just there, and I thought maybe if I played it..."
Ezra cupped her cheek and leaned forward. He pressed his lips to her forehead. Aria wrapped her arms loosely around his torso, closing her eyes.
"Do you believe it's ever going to feel like that again," she asked. "Like everything's going to be okay again? That it's not going to hurt so much?"
"Yeah," Ezra said softly. "You know why?"
Aria shook her head as she sat up straight again. She wiped away the tears on her face.
He smiled at her for a moment. "Because. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, I met you."
Aria laughed again as more tears fell from her eyes. Her bottom lip trembled. "I don't know how I'd get through any of this if you weren't here."
Ezra moved over on the bench so that he was sitting right next to her, though she faced the piano and he faced the wall. He looked over at her.
"I can guarantee you, if you weren't here, I couldn't get through this." He wrapped his arm around her waist as Aria rested her head on his shoulder.
For anyone who saw the video I made for this story, I said many times that the scene in Ezra's car from 217 was used for a reason. And it was. I'm not sure how I got distracted or forgot about this scene, but I did. I tried to reintegrate it in chapter 31, I believe, but there was a specific point I was going for when I had written this (around the time of chapter seven being written), and I was sorry to lose it. I love it very much.
Ezra stared at Aria through the haze of water dripping into his eyes from the rain that had fallen on them outside.
"I need you to be sure that this- that we, are you want." He said softly.
Aria leaned over and cupped her hand around his face. "Why would you EVER think that I would feel differently?"
Ezra shook his head. "Aria, you're dealing with one of the hardest things you've ever been through right now, and I'm hardly in a position to help. I just want you to be okay, and I don't think that right now I can do very much to help you aide in being okay."
She leaned over and kissed him chastely. "I never thought, FOR A MINUTE, that any of this was your fault. And I know you don't think you can help me with everything that's happening with everything that's going on with you right now..."
Her voice trailed off and tears filled her eyes. She stared out the rain pouring down in sheets outside the window, shaking her head.
"Don't you get it," she murmured. "With everything going on right now, you're the ONE constant in all of it. My parents are arguing every time I turn around, my brother and my friends don't get it... It's not just that you do get it, it's that you listen, and you understand. I don't have to listen to you tell me that everything is going to get better 'eventually' or have you ask me WHY I'm upset. You just know."
Ezra stared at her as she spoke, listening to everything she was saying. He didn't' think she was wrong for anything she felt, because he felt the same ways when he was with her. He simply didn't want her to be hurt by his own problems.
"I know," he agreed a few moments later. "But there's a darkness to all that's going on around and with me right now-"
Aria whipped her head around to look at him. There was anger in her eyes. "You think I don't KNOW anger?!" She cried.
Ezra shook his head. "I never said that, Aria."
"Then what!?" She cried. "What's SO bad that you can't be with me?!"
"I don't want my pain to hurt you," he said softly. "Your own trauma is bad enough without adding mine on top of it. It's not fair of me to ask you to do that."
Aria exhaled a long breath, reaching up to wipe a tear away from her eye. "Who ever said you were asking me to do anything? I love you, Ezra, and that's that. I want to be with you, whether we're living in New York at our very best, or stuck where we are now. How I feel you isn't predicated on what you're dealing with at that point and time."
"I just know I'm going to end up hurting you," he murmured.
"No," Aria disagreed. "You really don't. So just give things a chance before dismissing them. Please."
This is the last scene I wrote outside of the story and it was because I couldn't stop listening to Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute. I love that song and I love that band, and I had to use this song. It's almost word-for-word what ended up in the story, but switched around.
Ezra stared out the doors of the balcony in the hotel room they were standing in together and looked out at the moon. October was certainly upon them, and it was freezing outside. He tucked his hands into the pockets of his suit and shivered.
Aria walked up to him with a sweater tugged around her shoulders. She shivered as she smiled at him. "Having fun tonight?"
Ezra shrugged, smiling back at her. "It's been great. You should look at the sky out here."
Aria walked over to him and peered out of the room at the sky. With so many people at the gala, there were more stars visible than usual. Her jaw dropped slightly. "That's so pretty."
Ezra nodded. He walked over to the iPod base where he'd placed his phone so that it could charge for a few minutes. He picked it up and tapped on it a few times before he found what he was looking for. The song began to fill the silent air as he placed it back on the base.
Aria looked over at him and smiled. "I love this song."
Ezra walked back over to the balcony and walked out onto it. He leaned against the railing, wrapping his hands around the cool metal. Aria walked over to him.
"Are you happy, Aria?" He asked as she stood next to him.
She nodded. "I think so. Happier than I've been in a while, at least. What about you?"
Ezra nodded. "Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever be this happy again."
Her smile widened. "That's great, Ezra."
"Do you know what make me happiest right now?" He asked her.
She looked up at him and shook her head. He turned his head and looked inside the room.
"two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
no, I could not want you more
then I did right then
as our heads leaned in
well I'm not sure what this is gonna be
but with my eyes closed all i see..."
He looked back her. He placed his hands on her ribs and lifted her just the slightest as he tilted his head down and pressed his lips onto hers.
"is the skyline through the window,
the moon about you, and the streets below
hold my breath as you're moving in
taste your lips and feel your skin..."
Aria was surprised by his actions at first, but a moment later, she placed her hands on his neck and leaned into him. Ezra's lips parted, and he brushed his tongue over her bottom lip.
"when the time comes
baby, don't run
just kiss me slowly..."
Aria opened her mouth, welcoming the warmth of his mouth into hers as she moved a hand down around his back, under his suit jacket. They parted when neither of them could stand to wait another moment for air. Aria closed her eyes as she rested her head against his chest.
"I don't think you've kissed me like that since the night before I left for DC."
Ezra chuckled. "Things are certainly looking up."
The Playlist:
As with any story, I create a playlist as I go along, of the music that either a) helps describe the emotions of the characters, b) I use in the chapter breaks or c) is actually used in the story or very specifically drives a scene.
My playlists can get rather long for stories because of this, but I always try to make sure to list them all. So… The Lost That War Playlist:
I Won't Give Up by Jana Kramer
What I Love About Your Love by Jana Kramer
Echo by Jason Walker
Down by Jason Walker
Damaged by Plumb (both the original and the remix)
We Are Broken by Paramore
In The Mourning by Paramore
When It Rains by Paramore
The Girl Who Broke In Two by Paul Freeman
Skyscraper by Demi Lovato
Where The Lonely Ones Roam by Digital Daggers
How Strong Do You Think I Am by Alexz Johnson
How I Feel by Alexz Johnson
Never To Know by Lene Marlin
Darkness Round The Sun by Alexz Johnson
A Town Like This by Cady Groves
Fix A Heart by Demi Lovato
Lost That War (feat. Alexz Johnson) by Jimmy Robbins
Where Do You Go by Alexz Johnson
I Will Be There For You by Jessica Andrews
Resolution by Nick Lachey
Stranger In My Skin by Christine Dente
Life After You by Daughtry
Heal by Westlife
Higher Window (Josh Groban Acoustic Cover) by Gavin Mikhail
Tightrope by Rone Pope
Crawling (Carry Me Through) by Superchick
Hold by Superchick
Breathe by Superchick
Romance Is… by Lights
She Blames Herself by Jenni Schaefer
Everybody Breaks A Glass by Lights
Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne
Lullaby by Nickelback
Look At Those Eyes by Alexz Johnson (both original and remix)
Cry by Jason Walker
Face Up (iTunes Session) by Lights
Take Control by Love Is A Story
Everything But Me by Daughtry
Crazy by Daughtry
Come Undone (Acoustic Version) by Jackson Waters
Between Shades Of Gray by Gavin Mikhail
To Write Love On Her Arms by Helio
You'll Ask For Me by Tyler Hilton
Kicking My Heels by Tyler Hilton
Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless
Broken by Lifehouse
My, My, My by Rob Thomas
What If by Ashley Tisdale
Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute
Undone by Haley Reinhart
And, after being requested after 40 Days' playlist was posted: a musical companion will be posted on my tumblr. The musical companion will contain a short statement as to why each song on the playlist is actually on the playlist.
What's next?
Redemption: A Lost That War Prequel will be up sometime in the near future. It will be substantially shorter than this story. I'm hoping less than twenty chapters. It will essentially cover the final months of Ezra's senior year in college and his initial run-ins with the campus rapist.
Where The Lonely Ones Roam: This story will discuss some of the same elements of Lost That War, though it will be even darker. If you enjoyed the dark elements of this story, you'll enjoy Lonely Ones as well.
Drops Of Jupiter: On a MUCH lighter note, this story is entirely AU, and because of how much I love it, I just can't even bare to share the plot at this point, but I promise that you will love it, and it will make you laugh. It will be a much lighter story than anything I've written up to this point.
In the meantime:
GO READ 40 DAYS AND COUNTING!
(and Say Anything)