Chapter 37

Alexis paced the length of her bedroom, stopping now and then to stare at her bed and contemplate trying to sleep, to push the curtains aside and make sure Port Charles still existed and every half hour or so going to check on Sam. She couldn't turn her mind off, and she had never needed to do that more than she did right now.

At daybreak she went downstairs, poured herself a water and gazed at the wet bar. Nothing short of Vodka would help and it was so early. No. The time to get drunk was passed, but she didn't move. This is how Alice found her.

"Alexis?" She asked quietly, as if she didn't know. How right she was, this wasn't Alexis at all.

Alexis forced a smile and croaked out, "Morning."

"Forgive me for saying so, but you look like last night's road kill." Alice said, with no hint of humor.

Alexis laughed anyway. "That about sums it up."

"I won't ask if everything is alright, because clearly its not. Can I get you something?"

"Can you…would you mind taking Sam to school?"

"Course not, there's a cold snap, you shouldn't be walking in this weather anyway."

They heard footsteps from above. "I don't really want her to see me like this. Thank you for looking after her for me yesterday."

"Go on up and get some sleep. She knows you didn't get home till late, she won't be expecting to see you this morning."

Alexis smiled gratefully. And Alice excused herself to the kitchen.

"Oh, and Alice, I'd rather not talk to anyone today…unless of course it's the school or something…"

"I'll handle your calls Alexis, get some sleep."

"I'm not sleepy Mama!"

"It's already passed your bedtime. You know Papa is coming tomorrow, you don't want to be cranky for Papa do you?"

"I don't want Papa to come!"

"Natasha, what a thing to say! You love your Papa."

She stuck out her lower lip. "I do love him, but I don't like it when he's here."

"You do so, he takes you to the park to feed the ducklings and pushes you on the swing so high that it scares me!" Mama tickles her side as she says this.

The child giggles. "It's not so high Mama, you're silly."

"That's just what your Papa says." Mama brushes the hair out of Natasha's eyes. "Why don't you want Papa to visit?"

"Because he locks your door and I can't snuggle with you in the morning."

"Oh, Tasha, you know Papa and I need some alone time."

"And if I have a bad dream he comes instead of you, and he doesn't do it right Mama."

"He doesn't? What does he do wrong, I'll tell him."

"No, no, you mustn't…" The child cries. " its…he sings like a sick goose..."

"I suppose I won't tell him that."

She was relieved. "Why can't Papa live here? Gloriana's Mama and Papa both live with her."

Mama laughs. "Gloriana's Papa smells like fish too, would you like a fishy Papa?"

Before the girl could answer the bell rang downstairs. "Is Papa here?"

Mama's smile droops. "No, he's on business until tomorrow. Go to sleep Tasha."

"Don't go Mama!"

"Don't go Mama!" Alexis bolted upright. Her hand is stretched out and she is sweating. "Mama" she whispered.

She ignored the knock on her door, but it flew open anyway. She looked at Alice in disbelief as the woman entered with a tray.

"Alice, I'd rather not…"

"Frankly I don't care Alexis. You can fire me if you want, but you need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You're as bad as the child. You two are more alike than…" Alice let the thought drop. "When is the last time you ate something?"

Alexis couldn't bring it to mind. Yesterday was a blur involving Stefan, Kevin and Luke, coffee and food, she was sure there had been food…

Alice set the tray down. "My point exactly."

"I'm not a child Alice."

Alice ignored her and drew open the curtains, light flooded the gloomy room. "You've been crying out in your sleep all morning."

"I…" Alexis was stunned.

"I don't mean to listen, and I don't want to interfere, but is there someone I can call? Family?"

Alexis shook her head, almost violently.

"A friend?"

She smiled wanly, scrunching her nose. "I…I don't really have those. I'm fine Alice…really."

"I've seen fine Alexis, and you are far from it."

Alexis' smile faded. She appreciated Alice's straightforwardness to a point, but the line had been crossed. "I pay you to help me with Sam, Alice." She said coldly, leaving no room for doubt.

"Like I said, you can fire me anytime, but until then, I plan to look after both of you. And before you say something you'll regret, are you up to getting dressed and walking to the school to pick up Sam? Making sure she does her homework and gets dinner?"

Tears filled Alexis' eyes. Alice was hitting below the belt. Alexis couldn't take care of Sam, because she couldn't take care of herself.

"Everyone has an off day, but if this lasts through tomorrow I'm calling Dr. Collins." Alice stood and walked to the door. "Eat."

"Mama wake up! Please Mama, don't leave me!" Mama lay crumpled on the floor. Natasha pushed at her side urging her to wake. Red so much red. "Mama, Mama…" She dissolved into tears. Mama didn't get up, didn't move.

Someone from above called a funny name. They told Alexis to wake, they told Alexis she was safe. Finally Mama spoke from above. "Baby, I'm here now, you're safe…"

Natasha lay back. Mama was alright…she'd just been sleeping. It was alright.

Alexis opened her eyes, she heard voices in the hall.

"I'm sorry Sam. She didn't mean to hurt you…"

"I know…" Sam sniffed. "What's wrong with her Alice?"

"I don't know…but she's been like this all day. I guess she'll tell us when she's ready."

She threw off her blanket and rushed to them. She pulled Sam out of Alice's embrace and saw fear in the girl's eyes. "What…what did I do?"

"You didn't mean to…I'm fine." Sam whispered. Alexis' eyes fell on the girl's right arm, which she was holding gingerly at her side. The wrist was bright red, blotchy and irritated.

"Oh my god." Alexis stood on shaky legs and made a beeline for her bathroom. She vomited up the little she had eaten that day, and still her stomach heaved. Eventually she felt a cold cloth being placed on her forehead. Alice led her to her bed and helped her sit.

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." Alexis repeated over and over.

Alice said nothing, she busied herself cleaning the mess that was Alexis. "She's afraid of me. I'm sorry." Alice stood her up and put her hands on either side of Alexis' face.

"Alexis, she's afraid for you. She loves you. You don't see it, she doesn't see it, but it's the truth. So you need to beat this for her."

"You…you don't understand."

"I'm not pretending I do. Go in there and take a shower, put on some fresh clothes. Dr. Collins will be here in an hour."

"You called. Kevin?" All the fight had left her, she sounded like a five-year-old. No…a four-year-old.

"I did. I can't make you talk to him, but if nothing else he might be able to give you something to help you sleep."

"I can't sleep…the dreams…"

"They aren't really dreams are they?"

How did she know? "I guess not."

"Dinner will be ready shortly, get in the shower."

"Sam?"

"She's waiting to have dinner with you. She's missed you."

"Thank, thank you Alice…I don't know what I'd have done…"

"Well…I'm kinda grounded. Just from tv I think."

"Oh, really. How did that come about?"

Alexis could almost hear Sam roll her eyes in response. Kevin's chuckle confirmed it.

"Dinner's served." Alice called. Alexis felt as if she had entered an alternate universe. One where the world wasn't falling apart at the seams. She walked down the last few stairs to find Sam telling Kevin where he could sit and Alice asking him what he'd like to drink.

Sam lifted a spoonful of mashed potatoes and dropped it with a wince. No this was reality. Alexis gasped, drawing attention to herself. Sam smiled at her, and Kevin glanced over his shoulder.

"No reason to let dinner get cold." Alice announced. Pulling Alexis' chair out for her.

"Maybe Kevin and I should talk first…"

"Would you mind if we ate…things were crazy at the hospital today…I missed lunch."

"No…of course that's fine."

Sam seemed to feel responsible for keeping the conversation light. She spoke of her classes and classmates and the basketball team and how Sly's name was really Sylvester. Alexis felt a twinge of guilt. Sam was dealing with so much and she wasn't aware of any of it.

"Kevin…is Emily okay?" Sam asked quietly.

"She's doing better, I'm not treating her, but I saw her with her mother today."

"She didn't kill Matt did she?"

"Sam!" Alexis yelped. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't…I mean…some kids at school were saying…"

"It's okay Alexis…no Emily didn't have anything to do with it. She was asleep at home when Matt's body was found."

Sam nodded. "He was her pusher…"

"Her pusher!"

"Alexis…" Kevin warned. "Did Matt ever offer you any drugs Sam?"

"No, I never really met him…but Lucky and Sly…can I go to my room?" Sam posed this question to Alice, Alexis noticed.

Sam cleared her place and hurried up the stairs. Alice excused herself as well.

"There are drugs in that school…it's a Junior High…Maybe I should look into a private school for her."

"Alexis, you've known this all along…and I'm sorry, but I'm not here to talk about Sam."

When Alexis didn't react, he continued. "I'm here to talk about you Alexis…yesterday was stressful, but I can't think of anything that would have triggered such a personal…upheaval for you."

"I didn't have a kid in that school before." Alexis shot back.

"Alexis…" Kevin said patiently. "Something happened. Sam's worried sick about you…your housekeeper as well. She's wonderful by the way. Where ever did you find her?"

"Wyndham's."

Kevin cocked an eyebrow. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"No…"

"You've been having nightmares…violent ones all day long…is that correct?"

"Yes."

"And you have no idea what the catalyst was?"

"I didn't say that Kevin, I said I can't tell you. There's a difference."

"Ah, my mistake. What can you tell me?"

"Honestly? Nothing."

"Alice says the dreams seem to be about your mother…"

Alexis froze mid-step. Without looking at him she croaked out. "What else did she tell you?"

"Not much…that you wouldn't respond to your name…that you seemed afraid."

"I…I really can't talk about it Kevin…I'm sorry."

"Okay. I need to know a couple of things and then I'll get out of your hair." Alexis nodded quickly. "Are you a physical danger to yourself or anyone else?"

"No…no…no…I didn't mean to hurt her Kevin, I won't let it happen again." She sobbed.

"Good…I think it scared her more than it hurt her, but I don't want to see anything like that again." He paused, letting Alexis collect herself. "If I prescribe a sedative for you, I would want a follow up appointment in the next few days. Are you willing to do that?"

"Yes…yes…maybe if I get some sleep…maybe…"

"I hope so…but Alexis, I'm telling Alice that you making an appointment is a condition…you must follow through."

"I will. Kevin. I will."