Critical Screening
Chapter 37
"For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere. A kiss so hot and so deep you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me, you don't want to. Cause when you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything." Alex said of course in Grey's Anatomy.
There are those kisses from your grandmother that you rather wish never happened, the kisses from the boy down the road that never really mean anything, the kisses that you think mean the world until you actually get that mind blowing, magically kiss that changes your life.
And that kiss means everything. From the moment your lips touch you can feel it all the way down to your toes. You cant stop smiling for days and your head is in a whirl wind spiral. Suddenly when ever you see them your heart skips a beat and the process starts over time and time again.
When Kale Manning kissed Charlie many years ago, sitting in her bedroom because she demanded to know what it felt like, it was nothing, it was just the feeling of one lip upon another, when Charlie reached the time of Ian Rowland the feeling of his close to her felt like ruling the world at first, then slowly as time ran on the feeling was just another memory in her box. Kissing Kale again was what changed her world. What she needed for that feeling was Ian Rowland in between.
"Are you ready?" Kevin Radin said leaning in the doorway of Charlie's room, dressed in black as the clock rung twelve pm. She glanced over at her brother as she examined her hair in the mirror thinking that perhaps it was just too glad and bright for a funeral, too much like her mothers.
"I don't think this is something your ready for Radin." She said moving out beside him in the hallway. It was the next day and the funeral seemed to be planned too quickly for her own taste as the cold air rushed against the house. Although Sarah Radin rarely talked or made noise somehow the house seemed quiet without her.
"Dad is already there." Radin said as Charlie picked up the car keys. "Have you talked to him?" Charlie Radin shook her head as locked the door behind her twin brother. "there not going to make us talk are they?" Kevin asked after a short while Charlie began to pull into the church's parking lot. "I don't think so."
She grunted as she parked the car and took a deep breath. "what?" Radin questioned. "this is the most we've talked in… a long time." Neither of them cracked a smile as Kevin Radin nodded his head and walked inside of the church. Mr. Radin was talking to the Revern before waving to what seemed to be both of his children as they sat down together as a family, minus one.
They sat there in agony as the church slowly filled up. By the time the clock reached the one the church was nearly full to capacity. Mostly there to remember who Sarah Radin use to be and not who she died as.
Charlie felt a slight rub on her back as the Revern walked to the front of the columns. "You okay?" Kale Manning mumbled into her ear as he slightly ruffled with her blonde hair. Lauren and Mr. Manning sat beside him as Charlie was hardly able to conduct a smile before turning around. "We come her not to mourn the death but celebrate a wonderful life of Sarah Anne Radin…"
Later that afternoon there was a sea of black surrounding a tent and opening in the ground at the cemetery. The group stood around the body lowering down into the grave. An old friend of both Mrs. Radin and Mrs. Manning spoke slowly of a good memory, Mr. Radin was crying as he stood at the corner looking down at the uninhabitant ground. Amanda Hilfiger stood next to Kevin in the front her quietly comforting him around his waste as Charlie stood alone, without a sole in her world. She crossed her arms trying to hold in the tears; after all she wasn't one to cry.
She dropped her arms as she could feel tears stream down her eyes, the sun was beginning to lower over the small town just as her mothers grave was into the ground. A warm body seemed to press up against hers as his smooth hand interlaced fingers with her. Charlie didn't need to check or look she knew Kale was standing next to her, holding her hand just as tightly she was holding his.
As the casket softly landed to the dirt ground the sea of black seemed to slowly disappear. Radin slowly walked Amanda to her car and Mr. Radin stood silently in the distance before walking away talking to a family friend. Charlie didn't loosen her grasp around Kale's hand nor did she stop staring into the dark abyss of the grave that was slowly being covered. "Do you want to be left alone?" Kale questioned awkwardly that no answer followed.
Charlie took a deep breath as a cool breeze ran up her spine like a sugar rush. "Thank you." Charlie finally said looking up at Kale who was looking away in the distance across the cemetery where his mother laid to rest for the last ten years. Hmmm. He moaned as he friendly hugged her in a way that allowed the two of them to still hold hands which made the moment all the more sexual charged in the strangest way.
Kevin slightly waved over to Charlie from the car not too far away as she pulled away from Kale and as she began walking towards the car Kale tugged himself in the same direction. And almost instivevly they both dropped hands at the same time and began walking in separate directions as if the tension became too much bare, too much to bare without doing anything about it that is.
"How's Mandy?" Charlie asked once the family was sitting in the car, breaking the silence with her natural sarcasm to hide the pain. "Fine." Radin said looking out the window. "been to anymore parties?" He asked angrily almost. "with Kale." Charlie rolled her eyes and waited for the car to stop when it finally did she was in for a surprise.
Charlie got out of the car and immediately had an uneasy feeling about her, Kevin and Mr. Radin walked inside of the house quickly before Charlie did as figure walked out from behind the bush. His was tall with deep colored eyes, his shaggy black hair flopped on top of his head and a face to die for but an attitude that killed.
He walked towards her slowly but she stood still unable to move, just because she didn't want to. "Hey." He said walking closer to her looking in other directions besides Charlie's face. "This really isn't a good time Ian." She said crossing her arms. "I heard about you mom." Charlie nodded. "I'm sorry." Ian said as Charlie looked down at the ground suddenly unable to look him in the eye for some reason.
"Yeah… well." Charlie mumbled. "…what are you really doing here Ian because the last I heard from you, you were less then cordial on all accounts." "That was a long time ago babe." Charlie closed her eyes shaking her head. "it always is isn't it? If it was so long ago then why did you have to wait for my mother to die to say something?" Charlie took a deep breath as Ian inched closer to her.
"Why'd you have to tell me the truth?" He finally pleaded. She smirked slightly but not in a vicious way. "because for the longest time I thought it was the abortion that was taking its toll that that choice was what was ruining my life, but when I saw you again I realized it was you, just you and what you did wasn't my fault." Charlie walked around the lawn slightly taking each step slowly.
"The only thing I did wrong was loving you, you cheated on me for months, and I couldn't let you get away with that. I told you it was your baby because I couldn't tell Nick that he got me pregnant, he had his girlfriend and I had my own boyfriend, we had separate life's and we made one mistake that just happened to stick. But Ian what you did wasn't okay because you thought it was your baby and you still left, so you cant come back her now yelling at me, talking down to me, because what you did was so much worse, because you never treated me right, you never loved me, and for my own devious reasons I couldn't let you get away from that scott free." "that's not true I…" Ian said but Charlie quickly reacted in calm and rational tones.
"Ian I don't care! Don't you get that, I don't care anymore, I'm over it, I'm over you. You hurt me and I healed! You hurt me and I moved on, in part thanks to you. But what we had been never real, you know that too." He looked at her for a moment and finally nodded. "Goodbye Charlie." He smiled slightly letting her know and the rest of the world that it was alright. "Goodbye Ian."
Goodbye was a freeing word, life changing. It set so many old demons free and let the past fly away. The time died where he mattered and the time flew away that she cared. Ian Rowland was a large part of life for Charlie, not matter how long in length he was actual around, whether she chose to romatice the good or relive the bad, he was there, he would always be there.