***A big THANK YOU to Erica for letting me sift through all of her Eclipse pieces for little cameos of this chapter…If you haven't had a chance to read her Eclipse chapters---well get ready for the 'Midnight Sun' of Eclipse! That's what you're looking at! It is truly fantastic! To see what she's got so far I have links to her fan fictions on my profile page under my Chapter Notes for Chapter 33.
Chapter Thirty ThreePower Shift-Part III (PG-13)
Bella's POV
(A/N: TO get a fuller scope of the events, please refer back to 'Eclipse' by Stephenie Meyer and 'Eclipse-Edward's POV' a Fan Fiction by Erica Bailey. Thank you, Tami)
***
I felt Jacob tap me on the shoulder. It startled me out of my reverie and brought me back to our current surroundings in the airplane on our trip back home. 'Dang he's silent. You'd think I'd have heard him with my vampire senses!' I thought.
He came, crouched down in the aisle next to my seat and smiled his 'kindred spirit' smile. Then he said in his gruff deep voice, "So, Bella, do you remember my birthday you missed?" Thanks to Edward, I already knew what he was after, but I couldn't help but play with him a little first. I had only just discovered courtesy of Chandra how 'in-the-dark' I'd been in the past not having access to the thoughts in Jacob's head and for once, I liked the power 'being-in-the-know' afforded me.
"I got you a stereo for your birthday." I reminded him lightly.
"I didn't mean my LAST birthday." He replied almost sheepishly. "Go further back"
"Okay, the year before, I got you a book on automotive makeovers." I said slowly. 'Was this his lead in?' I plastered a confused look on my face. Edward squeezed my hand. He'd been helping me master my poker-face for a while because, let's face it. When it came to acting, I needed all the help I could get.
Jacob shook his head looking at me with puppy dog eyes. Edward fought back a grin. Jacob must have told him something mentally and didn't know Edward had already told me what my friend was after. "You don't mean the year before that? The year when I wasn't even hanging out with you yet?"
"Actually that's the one!" He said grabbing his opportunity. "Funny you should mention that. See cause…"
"You want me to give you back-dated birthday presents?" I asked in mock incredulity. Jacob carefully nodded his head—the puppy dog look was back in his eyes. "That's a lot of presents Jacob. Are we talking actual birthdays or relative birthdays here?"
Jacob grinned remembering our age tallies regarding who was older from the past. "Maybe we'd better go for relative. It will give me more leverage."
"Relative birthdays?" I sighed and shook my head. "To hear you talk, you'd almost think you were after something 'near and dear' to me like my old red truck or something." Jacob froze with the puppy dog look kind of glazing over on his face. I read his reaction and continued my performance. "You've got to be kidding! Jacob, what do you want with my old truck? I'm not even sure it's street legal anymore."
He spoke low and conspiratorially as though Edward and I would be the only ones to hear. "I want to turn it into a hot rod."
"Isn't it a little big for a hot rod?" I asked innocently. Actually I had no earthly idea.
"It would be part of a special project I'm doing with Rosalie." Then he thought for a minute and added. "You know what. How about after I'm done, I give it to Nessie for her birthday when she's old enough to drive?" That distracted me. When would my baby girl be ready to drive? I panicked, looked over at Edward and realized it appeared we were thinking the same thing again. I gave his hand a squeezed this time.
"O--kay," I said slowly to his excited response and he grabbed me into one of his characteristic bone-crushing hugs. Not that I had to worry about any of my bones breaking now, or breathing for that matter, my seatbelt however…
"Thanks, Bells!" He crowed enthusiastically. It was amazing to me even now that we could be friends—family even, after all of the craziness from the past. Especially after learning more from Chandra today… There was just so much water under the bridge. I guessed it was a good thing we seemed to all be good bridge builders.
"Don't forget Jacob. From now on, no more retroactive birthday presents--period!" I stated emphatically.
He stood up, saluted and went back to his seat by Rosalie where they 'high fived' each other in victory and were soon busy with their 'planning session' once more.
"That was very nice of you." Edward approved, smiling at me.
Something I'd learned today was that while I'd thought I was the peace maker between Edward and Jacob, with all of my Switzerland crap; it was really Edward who'd turned out to be the actual peace maker. He was the stabilizing force that allowed me to keep my friendship with Jacob. He was the one who had swallowed his pride and his fear and put on a show for me—never truly showing me the intensity of the mostly-mental assault Jacob waged on him. It made me sad to realize how my past poor choices had caused him pain and I felt foolish when I finally realized how completely Edward had held both his temper and his sadness in check when Jacob had let them take his head. Edward was more than the perfect man I'd imagined. Today I'd promoted him to sainthood and I loved him all the more for protecting my connections to my then 'human life' even at the cost of his own peace of mind.
'Was it just me, or did his eyes do their scorching thing again.' I looked down to collect my thoughts and my gaze fell on my beautiful glimmering wedding ring. Edward saw it as well and it must have reminded him of something because he added, "Don't forget Bella love, when we get home, I want my apology." He started kissing me with more ferocity than the moment called for and I was taken off guard. We were almost competing with Leah and Nahuel for a minute there.
"I thought you said you wanted to wait until we got home--and were alone?" I quietly reminded him in a whisper.
Edward flashed me his crooked grin and his eyes had a mischievous glint to them. "That my dear, was a preview."
"Ahh," I answered him smiling broadly. "Is there any way to speed this plane up?"
He laughed and gathered me back up in his embrace. Feeling safe and secure in the circle of his arms, my mind wandered back to my reflections of the retelling of our story back in the Sun Temple at Chan Chan.
"There are two other factors really needing some more clarification in regards to our story," Chandra had told us after 'reawakening' everyone else. "One leads into the other. The first factor revolves around Jacob Black." Jacob had cringed a little there in Chandra's home room at the mention of his name. He looked a little worried with Nessie sitting there in his lap.
'Maybe he's starting to get a clue here.' I'd remembered thinking at the time.
"The second factor playing into our story, Bella, was your self-sacrificing nature." Chandra explained to me directly. "We were getting ready for the battle with the newborn vampires and Victoria. We had already made sure Bella had talked Edward into staying with her during the battle and that Seth would be with them. Llasa had gathered all of the moisture in the entire northeastern region and created a June snow blizzard of epoch proportions. The intent of which was to deter human back-packers from the area. Of course, there are always consequences for such things and one of them in this case happened to be Bella coming down with a case of hypothermia--being a human back packer herself for that one night anyway. So we made sure Jacob was there to keep her warm." Nessie had looked up at Jacob fondly and patted his shoulder.
"Of course we knew this would be risky because of Jacob's aggressive, alpha, wolf-dominant gene and his misunderstood love for Bella. It would also be a risk because Edward was pretty fed up with all of the mental sparring, Jacob constantly hurled at him while he fought to remain in control of himself so that you, Bella were none the wiser."
Chandra added a slight disapproving twist to her mouth as she added to me, "It was unfortunate you chose not to tell your best friend about your engagement while you were running to the campsite, but you remained silent and left that honor for Edward to tackle. Which he finally did with a vengeance after a night filled watching you spend the night in Jacob's arms and listening in on his umm…fantasies."
You know, I'd never considered how fed up Edward must've been by morning if he'd spent the night not just putting up with what I'd previously known about from the infamous tent scene; but so much more I'd not realized at the time. It was no wonder Edward had dumped him on the floor while freeing me from the sleeping bag. And then I'd had the gall to force him to apologize. I felt as though my eyes were being opened to just how accommodating and generous my Edward had been to put up with not just all of Jacob's crap but my ignorant understanding of exactly just how intense their little contest had gone right under my nose had become as they 'fought for me', as they'd put it after I'd broke my hand on Jacob's jaw. I might as well have nick named myself 'Captain Oblivious'.
Chandra's voice had broken through my reverie. "Now, Jacob knew you pretty well, Bella, and he was going to pull out all of the stops to make you 'wake up' and chose him over Edward. We knew this would happen and it wouldn't be pretty. But we also knew three important things would happen as a result. First of all, you would have your final choice. Second, Jacob would know he had tried everything and be satisfied with your decision and third…well, the third reason will become clearer in a minute here."
"We knew we wanted to have Victoria find you with Edward there so he could, as he had requested earlier, 'end it with his own hands'. So we'd arranged to have him chase after Jacob to have him return for a 'talk' with Bella. It was this trail Edward left in getting and bringing Jacob back that Victoria caught and made her snap-decision to follow. So that scenario set itself up rather nicely."
"We also knew Jacob would try to take advantage of the situation. We knew he understood your self-sacrificing nature remarkably well and would use it against you. Jacob knew you didn't want him down there in harm's way. Jacob knew you were frantic for his safety—almost as much as you were for Edward's. So Jacob took advantage of that, playing shamelessly off it. He told you he would go out there and find the battle and get himself killed. It was actually a very skillful deception on his part. Llasa was grudgingly impressed. So he tricked you into kissing him. You were still trying to keep yourself apart from the 'activity' by balling up your fists and being somewhat passive but Jacob wasn't having that. This was his last stand. He was determined to make you see your feelings for him were there. So he pushed again, asking if you wanted him to come back or really die. That made you angry and you tried to fight against him. Jacob misinterpreted your anger for passion and your anger mixed with his triumph and you lost your tenuous hold on your self-control."
"What you have to understand Bella is that it was your self-sacrificing nature that got you into trouble with Jacob Black that day. You had been searching desperately for ways since your return from Volterra for ways to make everyone happy; ways to make everyone safe; ways to take away everyone's pain--especially Jacob's. He very deviously used this aspect of your nature to try to pry you away from Edward and the Cullens. Some of his reasons were noble. He truly believed he was saving you from death. He didn't understand the Cullens were as noble as his tribe's shape shifters was. Most of his reasons were selfish though and Edward knew this very well. He was well acquainted with it from hearing it through the mental 'shouting' Jacob served him every chance he got."
"So the third reason we allowed this exchange with Jacob to progress as far as it did—even though it turned you into a mess for the next twenty four hours, was because part of our responsibility was to ensure your shield would be as strong as possible at the time of your conversion. You had to be able to help protect Nessie with it and the rest of your family as well." That had totally confused me at the time. Chandra explained it to me further.
"Do you remember Carlisle's theory about 'vampire gifts'?" She asked me.
It took me a moment because while it was Carlisle's theory, I had been told about it from Edward, as we travelled in my beat up truck on the way home from our first date at the meadow. "Carlisle believes at the time of our transformation, our greatest attributes are enhanced." I said slowly looking at her.
"That's the one. And this theory of Carlisle, like most of his, is correct. Your shield is part of your 'mental silence' but it also has a component with your self-sacrificing nature--your compassion for others--your need to protect others from harm--your desire to shield those around you. The stronger that characteristic was embedded in you at the time of your conversion, the greater your shield would be. This is why your shield was so well defined when the Volturi came to destroy your family a year and a half ago. Every time you put others needs ahead of your own it grew; whether it was Lauren's jibes you blew off or Charlie's unfair groundings you endured. There were so many little things and big things that strengthened this characteristic in you. But this last stand of Jacob's was another opportunity for your shield to be strengthened as you acted to save Jacob, as someone you loved, from what you perceived to be a threat to his life.'
"Some of the big ones were of course, the events that led up to your acceptance. Leaving Charlie to save him, going to the ballet studio to save your mother; letting Edward leave without letting him see how it was tearing you up inside; trying to save Jacob from a 'cult'; not going to Florida but staying in Forks, partly in case Victoria came, she would kill you and leave your father alone; risking your life to save Edward in Volterra—that was Llasa's favorite by the way; and of course there was one of Samon's favorite—'the third wife'. Then there were the things you did after the newborn battle that further strengthened your shield, there was my personal favorite, which we will go over momentarily—when you protected Edward's soul, then you protected Renesmee when your life hung in the balance against the men in your life who didn't understand the great things to come. Dagda's favorite was your self-sacrificing during the transformation itself that led to not just putting the finishing touches on your shield, but developed your self-control to the point you were able to be around your daughter and your human Father right away."
I had winced when hearing mention of my transformation. I hadn't really wanted Edward to know about that. I knew Samon had advised me to tell him. But I had just not had time to decide yet. When I'd glanced a peek at him there at Chandra's; sure enough he had a look of deep consternation on his face. He would put it together soon. I wasn't sure what I thought about that. I didn't want Edward to suffer and I knew he would if he knew about my 'burning' experience.
"Well," Chandra continued now directing her words to everyone present. "The aftershocks of the events leading to and during the battle with the Newborn Army and Victoria had left both Edward and Bella quite shaken for different reasons--but so many of them centered once more on Jacob Black. Bella, you were worried sick about his injuries and how you were going to be adding to his pain when you informed him you still planned on marrying Edward. You already knew you couldn't live without Edward—even if the thought of marriage still scared you a little. Next you'd seen the newborn vampire Bree, and had been confronted with a 'mirror' of your own near future. Add to the mix the Volturi's visit with their reminder of the threat they still posed to you. Victoria had just been killed before your eyes by the man you loved and another vampire, Riley had been torn to bits by a giant wolf –while you stood helpless; your worry fueled by a dread of them getting seriously injured or killed. All of this after a bout of hypothermia the night before, yes, by the time everything was said and done. Bella, you were pretty much a mess and you felt a great need to go to Jacob though you finally understood that you needed to let him go for his own well being as well as your own."
"Edward," Chandra continued, directing her words to him. "You had just experienced the greatest night of your life thus far. Your Bella had finally agreed to marry you. So it was quite a downer for you to spend the next night watching helplessly as Bella was saved from nearly freezing to death, in the arms of Jacob. All of this while trying to remain calm and even cordial to your rival. Jacob wasn't even aware of the new 'boundaries' of an engagement at that point and you was eager for him to understand why his fantasies were just that and not appropriate to entertain anymore—especially with Bella's unconscious ramblings, 'Jacob, My Jacob' in her sleep."
Okay, so by this time, I was becoming humiliated. If I could have gone back in time, I would have done that entire episode differently. My hind sight just kept getting clearer and clearer. One thing was for sure, I was going to have a lot of making up to do with Edward when we got home. Just the thought made me smile, at least just a little.
"Understandably, you were beside yourself when Bella reacted so strongly to your ploy to inform Jacob of the upcoming wedding. Bella had been unaware Jacob remained outside listening as the two of you discussed the night of your engagement. You knew though," Chandra continued, directing her comments to my husband. "You knew because Jacob was still hurling mental barbs at you through the tent's canvas wall. You were terrified you would lose Bella when she reacted so strongly to Jacob's pain at the discovery of your plans. That was when you ran after Jacob in a panic and brought him back, leaving the trail for Victoria and Riley to follow later. You were frantic Bella had changed her mind. Then she'd told you to 'hurry back' before she'd spoken with Jacob and though you tried to 'steel' yourself, you were hopeful her words had meant she still preferred you."
"When you'd returned to the tent from discussing the Volturi's arrival with Alice via Seth and Sam, and found her sobbing you learned she'd been tricked into kissing Jacob. You heard him mentally crowing in joy and victory, reliving the kiss from his perspective and his thrill to have made Bella realize what you'd suspected all along—she did in fact, love Jacob too. Jacob thought she'd changed her mind and he was back in the running. You were hearing his thoughts and you were afraid it was true. You feared Bella had chosen Jacob again. It just kept going back and forth for you all day long. Within twenty four hours of becoming engaged, you'd felt as though you had truly lost Bella at least three times to Jacob Black. Then you'd spent the next night with Bella sobbing in your arms over the loss of Jacob while trying to come to terms with the pain it caused all three of you.
Not only did you have those worries, you also had to kill Victoria with Bella much too close to the action for your liking and you worried that seeing your true-nature would scare her off. Then the Volturi came and as a result, twice that day, you'd been confronted with the possibility Bella would be killed right under your nose. Needless to say Edward, you were an emotional wreck as well."
"The one thing you both understood at the end of the ordeal was that neither of you could live without the other. These were the issues the two of you were dealing with as we start the visual. This time it is roughly twenty four hours after the battle with the Newborn Vampires."
I was surprised to see the rest of my family once again become 'unaware' before the presentation began. That fact alone had me sighing in relief. I was already worried about Nessie seeing me at my worst.
As the lights dimmed once more I found Edward and myself in the hallway at the Cullen's home in front of Alice and Jasper's door. Mother and Chandra were there as well. I remembered it well. I had just been shown my designer wedding dress that Alice had ordered for me. A dress that Chandra had just told me in a fit of laughter that Alice had commissioned before Edward had taken me to prom over a year earlier.
'Why does it look like Bella is resigned to marrying me? It may be we need some time to focus and reconnect with each other.' "Let's get out of here. Let's go to our meadow." Edward had suggested. 'Perhaps it will bring back pleasant memories and help bring some her some happiness.'
'Ahh, that sounds so appealing.' I'd thought with a hint of enthusiasm. "I guess I don't have to hide out anymore, do I?" "No. The danger is behind us."Edward said quietly.
During our run to the meadow, the visual picked up my thoughts first. 'It feels great to feel the wind in my face –like I'm waking up and feeling more like my old self; especially after all the drama of the last couple of days. That has definitely left me feeling emotionally exhausted. So much has happened so quickly, I haven't even had a chance to really think about what Edward told me concerning his real reasons for pushing this marriage thing. If he'd told me earlier, I might not have been so objectionable about the whole 'waiting until after we're married' thing. Well, at least now I know for a fact he believes he may have a soul—or he wouldn't be worried about the condition it's in. If he believes having sex without a ceremony first would jeopardize his soul than I don't want to cause him any undue stress about it. I love him enough for that. And what do I know—he may be right! And I told Carlisle once 'I would never risk Edward's soul'. Anyways, what's a few months wait when I will have him forever? And if marriage is so important to him that it will get me what is so important to me, than I can deal with that. Besides, even with all the fan fare Alice is sure to sneak in…it's still just one evening—just one event. And then I get Edward all to myself—forever. Plus, I guess a wedding is the best way to say good-bye to my old life--to my old friends—to my human family. But it's also a great way to say hello to my new life—a new life with Edward. I'm still having a hard time picturing Edward as a husband though. Actually the thought makes me want to laugh. It is just so…so ridiculous. It's like casting an arch angel as an accountant. But Edward has always been so selfless and giving to me. This is really the only thing he's ever asked of me. Yes, I can do this and I will. I'll do it for Edward. Heck, I'd do anything for Edward! I just need to focus on what I'll get out of the deal…'
Edward's thoughts were busy heading in the opposite direction. 'I'm worried about Bella's new resolve. She's just letting this happen. There's no fight in her. Our wedding should be a happy occasion – something she wants. Who am I kidding? This whole wedding isn't something she wants. She's always only wanted me, forever. She doesn't need or want a ceremony, a ring or a piece of paper. She has known what she has wanted from the beginning. It's been my insecurities, my rules, and my insistence that has caused her so much pain. I always think I know better. But look at all the messes we've been put in because of my obstinate view of what is right and moral. I have been so wrong. Still, every moral fiber of my being tells me I need to wait. But look at what waiting has nearly cost me. What waiting may still cost me. Can I change my course? Can I do this Bella's way? Do I dare? Can I give up my convictions to keep the woman I love? I probably don't really have a soul to worry about anyway. That's just a pipe dream for me. What I do have is Bella and I can't live without her. I can't lose her. Can I do this? Can I let my mind wander consciously down a path I've never allowed previously? Sure, in a moment of passion, I've often been close to losing control – but for once I need to really think through what it would mean to give her the one thing she really wants – the one thing that would truly cement our relationship and make us belong to each other. In many cultures there is no ceremony – this is the act of marriage, the confirmation of commitment…'
In the visual we arrived at our meadow. The sky gray, the ground covered with patches of summer daisies and green grass. We lay down on the green carpet and held hands. There was a slight pause while we collected our thoughts. Mother and Chandra were joined there by Dagda, Llasa and Samon.
'Hmm, no pictures in the clouds today, just a soft gray blanket instead. Still, being here with Edward makes it perfect. The flowers smell nice, but nothing smells as good as Edward himself does.' I thought contentedly.
"We've got ourselves a little role reversal here." Chandra informed the others.
'Our meadow is perfect – peaceful, happy—and no Alice to foresee my next move. My next move. Am I making decisions for Bella now? Perhaps I should see what she really wants. Hmmm, her conditions for Alice - that would be a good place to start. Maybe that will give me a clue to her true wishes.' Edward thought with his mental voice becoming more resolved. "August thirteenth?" 'Maybe the date held some significance.'
"His next move?" Samon asked. "I don't think I like the sounds of that at all."
"That gives me a month till my birthday. I didn't want to cut it too close." I said quietly still searching the gray blanket above. 'If you're staying in your teens than so am I. Besides, if we're going to be going through high school repeatedly, I want to look close enough to the same age so we get to be in the same grade and same classes.'
'Okay then, she's just confirmed it isn't the date or the event. She simply wants to get through my requirements in time to meet some arbitrary deadline she has in her mind. Why should she rush this? Is there any way to help her accept more time –time to do what she really wants?' Edward thought as he sighed. "Esme is three years older than Carlisle – technically. Did you know that?" From the visual I shook her head. "It hasn't made any difference to them." Edward's voice held a hint of anxiety. When I answered him I was calm, serene. "My age is not really that important, Edward, I'm ready. I've chosen my life – now I want to start living it
"Maybe I can distract him with some sunshine?" Llasa said a little nervously as he brought in a few rays of light that streamed in through an angle in the trees. "I don't care really, but I…" I hesitated
'I believe her words, and hearing the truth in them fills my whole being with pleasure…but the wedding? Is she really happy about that? Oh, I'm getting distracted by the way her hair shines in the rays of sun. Brown – so beautiful--I can't resist touching it soft and wavy to my fingertips. It reminds me of that first day in the car, that I can circum to that temptation, as I had tried to unlock her secrets. Yes now to try and ferret out some more of her motives.' Edward questioned me gently, "The guest list veto?" 'Maybe I can unlock more of her secrets now.'
Edward's thoughts were perspicuous as I stared up to the tops of the trees against the light gray skies. 'I can hear the complexity of her emotions in her voice; her desire to have him there – her best friend – her fear of hurting me by voicing that desire, her sense of duty to protect Jacob from having to make a difficult choice. I know, if it were me in his shoes, I would want that choice. But I can also see, she is doing only what I have done to her so many times – protecting her from making choices she's had every right to make. And still it tears her apart. It is another stress over something she never wanted in the first place. She is doing all this to make everyone else happy – Jake, Alice… me--everyone but herself. She should be happy. I'll make her happy.' Edward grabbed me around the waist and pulled me onto his chest. "Tell me why you're doing this, Bella. Why did you decide, now, to give Alice free reign?"
"I don't think your sunshine is as distracting as you'd hoped it would be." Dagda said casually to Llasa. "Maybe you should try for a thunderstorm instead."
I looked up at Edward as I thought, 'I guess the best way to explain this would be to tell him what Charlie said.' Then I did just that. "I was at home and headed out to see Jake and tell him my (I'd paused) decision." I winced in the visual slightly. Then I shook my head. "Anyway, Charlie had been telling me how strange everything had been in LaPush yesterday and suddenly he stops me at the door and says, 'Maybe I'm getting superstitious after hanging around Billy while he's acting so strange all day. But I've had this hunch. I feel like…I'm going to lose you soon.' Then he made me promise I would tell him before I ran off with you and do something major. He said, 'I'm serious. I won't kick up a fuss. Just give me some advance notice. Give me a chance to hug you good bye.' And he told me he loved me."
"So I started thinking, it wouldn't be fair to keep Charlie out of this. And that means Renee and Phil. I might as well let Alice have her fun, too. Maybe it will make the whole thing easier for Charlie if he gets his proper goodbye. Even if he thinks it's much too early, I wouldn't want to cheat him out of the chance to walk me down the aisle." I winced again at that thought.
'Well, her grimace just confirmed her feelings about the wedding, and in her explanation I can see, again, her selflessness.' Edward thought almost sadly.
"At least my mom and dad and my friends will know the best part of my choice, the most I'm allowed to tell them." I said continuing my explanation is a calm quiet manner. "They'll know I chose you, and they'll know we're together. They'll know I'm happy, wherever I am. I think that's the best I can do for them."
"A thunderstorm? I drew all the moisture out of the air for the epic June snow storm. There isn't any left for a thunderstorm." Llasa said morosely. "Maybe I can start working on getting something started out off the coast." He added almost to himself as he closed his eyes in concentration. Edward held my face in his hands, searching with his eyes.
"And?" I'd said.
Her answer spoke volumes. It said that her happiness was not even an aspect to be considered.
"No Edward," His Mother said emphatically. "Bella is happy. Don't you dare even think about…" 'No! Her happiness is something to be considered! I won't allow her to sacrifice her own happiness any longer. All I want is her happiness. And she can have it in whatever form she chooses.' "Deal's off" I said abruptly. "What" I gasped, "You're backing out? No!" "Why?" I asked confused and still panicked.
'No, she misunderstands me. I can see the panic rising in her face—her fear of rejection.' "I'm not backing out, Bella." Edward quickly assured me, "I'll still keep my side of the bargain. But you're off the hook. Whatever you want, no strings attached."
"She doesn't see what he means here." Chandra said worriedly. "I don't know if she'll have a strong enough will to stop him with all the extra hormones I gave her." "Bella, I see what you're doing. You're trying to make everyone else happy. And I don't care about anyone else's feelings. I only need you to be happy. Don't worry about breaking the news to Alice. I'll take care of it. I promise she won't make you feel guilty." "No." He said, cutting me off, gently but firmly. "We're doing this your way; because my way doesn't work. I call you stubborn, but look at what I've done. I've clung with such idiotic obstinacy to my idea of what's best for you, though it's only hurt you. Hurt you so deeply, time and time again. I don't trust myself anymore. You can have happiness your way. My way is always so wrong. So" He shifted himself so he was fully under me "Don't forget Bella, you're fighting for Edward's soul here. Be strong." Mother said wringing her hands.
"Edward, no-" I objected. 'I want to make him happy. There isn't anything more important to me in the entire world. He would never have made his condition of 'marriage first' if it wasn't important. Besides, I can't have a wedding with my parents there later if I'm all sparkly white and attacking them.'
'She still doesn't understand what I'm telling her. I'll give her everything she wants. I'll have to explain it to her with a demonstration.' Edward stopped my objections with his finger to my lips. "Don't worry, Bella, love. I haven't forgotten the rest of your demands." His voice was husky in anticipation. 'She's wanted this for so long. I've wanted it for so long. I can feel the desire stir within, giving my mind leave to consider the possibilities, while my body somehow moves of its own accord. It's hard to concentrate – to keep my touches light enough, my hold from being too tight and, at the same time, listening for her reaction to my touch. I want nothing more than to bring her joy.'
"Bella, listen to me, this is not the right time for this now. Can you hear me?" Mother said clearly as she knelt right by our heads.
My thoughts were also quite caught up in the moment. But I was trying. 'Oh, I love kissing Edward. This is my favorite thing to do ever. His hands, so strong and yet so gentle--weaving into my hair, securing my mouth to his. His scent is so intoxicating, breathing it in is making me hungry for more. He's as intent as he was the other night…when…we …almost--wait. This isn't right. He is planning on giving me my 'human experience' right now. This is not what Edward believes is right. He's just doing this for me. I need to think here before I get too carried away. Or is it already too late for that? It can't be because Edward's soul is at stake here! I've got to act right now before I forget why I need to stop him. I'm already having difficulty breathing. My hands are gripping his arms, pulling myself tighter to him. My lips are glued to his and I never want it to stop. The heat engulfing me now is like none I've ever felt before.'
"Bella is trying to focus. Can she do it though?" Samon asked nervously.
Edward's thoughts became more driven, even more focused—more excited. 'See this is incredible and now that I've decided, there's no holding back… This – is right. Oh, how it feels right. Bella in my arms – her radiant skin, her intoxicating scent, the warmth of her body against mine, the heat of her lips searing me with pleasure. Almost a century I've been a man – but never truly. I'll be a man for her now. I can already see what we will do next in my mind, picturing her glorious body against the pale blue sky – the warmth of her under my hands – and the majesty as we are physically united. Why have I put this off?'
My thoughts were disjointed and distracted as I fought for control. 'How long can I make this last? It feels like every touch is a live wire. I can feel a heat to his cold touch. This is driving me mad…and, what was I saying? I need to find a way to clear my mind. I need to find a way to speak. To tell Edward…Oh, never mind! His head is full of the sweetness of his breath and I can't think straight anymore. Besides, this is what I have wanted since I met him. I have wanted him and no one else—ever. That isn't very noble of me…but I'm not sure I care anymore. Wait! Of course I care. I care about Edward most of all right?! Of course right! Maybe I can move…'
"If they do this now, the consequences will be the same as they would have been two days ago." Samon said urgently.
'She responds to my every touch. She wants this as much as I do now. I had thought keeping her on top would be safer, but she seems to pull away slightly. That's fine with me, I'll follow her lead.' Edward rolled over, gently pinning me against the soft grass. 'This position only intensifies our connection. I can feel her body under mine.' Edward thought amorously through his passion.
"And we now have lost Edward's ability to focus and control himself this time." Dagda said glumly.
'No, no, no,' I mentally argued with myself while actually shaking my head and Edward freed my mouth and began kissing down my throat. 'I've got to stay focused. This is getting WAY out of hand. I've got to protect Edward's soul. I have to do this the right way because it's important to Edward and if it's important to Edward than it is to me too. Even if he…somehow…seems to have…forgotten…. I have to find a way to remind him.'
"That's right Bella. Find the strength to stop him--and stop yourself. Your life depends on it.' Mother said encouragingly.
'Bella is shaking her head – she must want something else? Ah, her neck. I revel in the taste of her and I'll start my exploration by kissing down her neck. Her breathing deepens in response. This must be what she wants—what she needs. I think she's happy now. I know I am. I'm surprised how easy it is giving in to this.' "Stop, Edward. Wait." I said feebly,
"I've got a system started off the coast!" Llasa said happily. His siblings looked at him exasperatedly. "What? It should be here within the hour."
'What is this 'stop Edward wait' about? I know, it's likely in response to some foolish desire to make me happy. Well she doesn't need to worry. I am very happy.' "Why?" He whispered into the hollow of my throat. 'I'll answer her made-up objection quickly and then move on to…'
"We don't have an hour Llasa." Chandra said with an elevated voice. 'It's hard to work up some resolve into my voice.' I'd thought before saying breathlessly, "I don't want to do this now." 'No, that sounded more like I DO want to do this right now. Dang it! That's probably because I want this right now very much. Where is my conviction? I've got to find it. There is too much at stake to mess this up. I've got to think.'
"There even more at stake than you know." Samon said solemnly to Bella.
'Oh, I caught that. She said that unconvincingly. She's a poor liar, trying to protect me…' Edward thought. "Don't you?" He challenged me with a smile in his voice. In the visual he started kissing my lips again making speaking impossible. 'I know she does, so I'll just press my lips to hers in confirmation. Oh, yes – she does want this! Her hands tangle in my hair pulling me closer; her hands move to my chest. This time I won't stop her as she pulls the shirt from my body. It makes me moan at just the thought of her bare skin against mine. It will be glorious.'
"Do you think she can stop him? He seems pretty determined?" Dagda asked Chandra and Elizabeth. 'I've got to think. That's right. Oh, the heat from where he touches me is burning in my in my veins making it so hard to think. Think…about what? Oh, Dang it. I remember. Edward. I've got to make this right for him—for me. I have to because he is the most important thing to me. I've got to do this right. He has been there for me and now if he is weak then it is my turn to be strong for him. He is too precious to me, for my selfish behavior to screw this up. I've got to protect him from himself right now. I love him more than anything. Why have I knotted his hair up with my hands--again? Now it is even harder to focus enough to move my hand to his chest. There, now I can push and he'll know. He'll help me get out of this.'
"Bella is showing a surprising amount of personal restraint here--all things considered. She may be able to pull this off after all." Chandra said with a small smile playing at the corner of her lips.
'Wait, she hasn't moved her hand to my chest to remove my shirt; she's attempting to push me away. And I'm sorry to say, there's a part of me that briefly considers ignoring her feeble push, but I'm attuned to responding to her requests – to doing what she wants.' Edward pulled away a few inches to look at me.
"Okay, I picked up a head wind and can have the leading edge of the storm system here in about thirty minutes!" Llasa said in satisfaction.
'Oh, that look in his eye is so…intense. His eyes are like black fire.. They're smoldering my resolve away. Think!' I thought weakly yet desperately. 'Great! Now there are butterflies in my stomach flying up to my throat. I can't seem to get any words out.'
"Do you really think we have thirty minutes here Llasa?" Dagda asked somewhat pointedly. In response, Llasa seemed to take in the situation for the first time. "Why" Edward asked me roughly. "I love you. I want you. Right now."
"Oh," Llasa said sullenly. "Maybe not then. Let me think for a minute." "Wait, wait." I protested weakly, trying to speak around his lips. 'You are not helping me here Edward. I want to give in but this is too important. You are too important. I will not mess this up. Not when we'd have eternity to regret today's wrong choice. Not when your soul is possibly at stake. I won't run that risk. No, I won't.'
"Every time she tries to rise to the challenge and correct the situation, he leads her back into a dangerous direction." Samon said.
"Not for me." Edward murmured back in disagreement. 'No, you don't need to wait for me any longer, I'm preparing myself to take this to the next level. I'm anticipating it actually.'
"He's not thinking clearly. He's been too affected by the events of the past forty eight hours." Dagda said.
"Remember the 'magic word' you learned the other night Bella? That should get his attention." Mother said firmly.
"Please" I gasped. 'Saying 'please' seemed to work quite well going the other direction. Will it work as well in reverse? It has to…'
"Okay, this is the very best I can do. There is just enough moisture in the head winds, to give me a few big drops coming in even earlier to start my illustrious thunderstorm." Llasa said still trying to 'help' Edward groaned in the visual
'Ha! Everything in my world is about him. What a silly thing to expect. But his irritation can help give me the focus I need now to do this correctly.' When I spoke, my voice was more resolved. "Edward, this is very important to me. I am going to do this right."
"He's listening. This is good." Samon said with a hint of relief.'I know what she's doing here. She is just trying to please me--again.' Edward asked with a raised eyebrow. "Who's definition of right?" "Mine." I replied confidently.
'The resolve in her voice surprises me. Where did that come from?' Edward rolled over onto his elbow and stared at me. 'I'll need to search her face, her eyes for any signal she is just trying to placate me while I ask…' "How are you doing to do this right?"
'I just need to tell him how I feel. He needs to realize how much I love him and how important he is to me. He needs to know what I've decided…but I need to be firm so he understands my commitment.' I took a deep breath, "Responsibly; everything in the right order. I will not leave Charlie and Renee without the best resolution I can give them. I won't deny Alice her fun, if I'm having a wedding anyway. And I will tie myself to you in every human way, before I ask you to make me immortal. I'm following all the rules, Edward. Your soul is far, far too important to me to take chances with. You're not going to budge me on this." 'He does understand. I can see it in his eyes. They have gentled and are soft and kind.'
'I love her more than ever. I want her more than ever.' Edward thought before adding with intensity, "I'll bet I could" 'I'm half teasing, and also half seriously considering it.'
"He is trying to tempt her—even after she explained herself." Dagda said. My mental chatter picked right up, 'No, don't you try that smoldering-eye-thing now…not after I just finally got my point across. And his proposition…is still just as tempting. Edward wouldn't dare though. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't if he really understands what I'm saying here.' I'd better clarify this immediately. I won't have strength to stop if there's going to be a round two.' I said even with more conviction, "But you wouldn't, not knowing that is what I really need."
"This storm is going to be a doosey." Llasa said with satisfaction. His siblings shook their heads. 'She is right--again. Of course!' Edward thought in resignation. "You don't fight fair." Edward accused me. 'It's funny how my annoyance and anger are fading away and being replaced with awe for her decision. She really does love me more than I deserve. And now I find--I cherish her for her strength.'
I grinned at him and said, teasing him back, "Never said I did." 'I've never been a fighter or a lover before now…'
"Did you just see what our little Bella just pulled off!" Samon said clapping Chandra and Dagda both on the back in his excitement.
"If you change your mind…" Edward smiled at me wistfully, 'I almost hope she does. August thirteenth is beginning to seem very far away.'
"Yes, we did." Dagda said smiling.
"She truly is the 'keeper of his soul' isn't she?" Chandra said in delighted awe.
"You'll be the first to know." I promised him. 'You'd be the only one to know actually.'
"Ta Dah! The leading edge of my thunderstorm has just arrived." Llasa said with a smirk.
'Interesting how, just now, as if the fates, or our own guardian angels, or perhaps God himself has confirmed our decision, the clouds open, releasing their rain on us.' I glowered at the sky as the cool wetness of the rain hit my face. Edward brushed it away from my cheek. "I'll get you home."
"Yes, I guess it's a little late, but turns out we didn't need it after all." Dagda said, clapping Llasa on the back.'Home…home where Charlie will be waiting. Well, no sense in putting this off any longer.' "Rain's not the problem." I grumbled. "It just means that it's time to go do something that will be very unpleasant and possibly even highly dangerous." Edward's eyes widened in alarm, Edward laughed at my expression on my face and the release of tension, "Highly dangerous" he agreed, laughing again before reaching into his jeans to pull out the ring
"It's a good thing you're bulletproof." I said sarcastically and sighed before adding, "I'm going to need that ring. It's time to tell Charlie." My tone was dismally.
'Now I have things in the right order. I'm wearing his ring, right where it belongs, and I'm right where I belong--with Edward, the love of my life--for the rest of eternity.' I'd thought as we left the meadow.
"Ohhh, I love this girl!" Mother said wiping a tear from the corner of her eye. And with that the heavens opened and the storm began in earnest.
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***A big THANK YOU to Erica for letting me sift through all of her Eclipse pieces for little cameos of this chapter…If you haven't had a chance to read her Eclipse chapters---well get ready for the 'Midnight Sun' of Eclipse! That's what you're looking at! It is truly fantastic! To see what she's got so far go my profile page to find her links under my chapter notes for this chapter :D
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And now back to my story...
This was the culmination of my 'Power Shift' chapter it was this last scene…where Bella becomes the true heroine of the story for Edward. She sticks up for what is important to him and ultimately for herself too!
Please leave comments. I hope I wasn't too wordy at the first part especially.
Please let me know what did and didn't work for you...what I can do to improve...etc...
What you did and didn't like. I know that some of you were really wanting me to focus on the tent scene…what can I say that Stephanie and Erica haven't already expounded on.
Thanks, Tami