Koyomi had been placed in the utmost precarious position. Stuck between the two greatest of foes: Hanekawa's butt cheeks.
Joking aside, Senjougahara Hitagi had just walked in, and permeated a murderous aura about her.
He had to choose his next words carefully, because they would likely be the ones written on his tombstone.
Koyomi quickly pulled away from Hanekawa and scrambled back until his back was against the wall.
"I would like to not die today, very very much so!" Koyomi pleads desperately.
"Sorry, that is not an option." Senjougahara coolly replies.
Senjougahara pulls a stapler seemingly out of nowhere, further intimidating Koyomi, who prostrates himself on the floor and begins pleading for his life.
"Ah, what a sorry sight, and how completely appropriate of you Araragi Koyomi."
Senjougahara crosses her arms and takes a moment to appreciate Koyomi's groveling, as Hanekawa rises and sheepishly pulls up her underwear.
Hitagi turns to Hanekawa, who freezes in place.
"So explain. or should I reserve a second body bag?"
Senjougahara snaps the stapler, causing Hanekawa to perk up.
"Erm umm...Koyomi-kun slept with his sister! a-and and I was trying to save his moral character!" Hanekawa explains.
"Hanekawa-" Koyomi began to protest in earnest, when a protractor stuck itself to the wall beside him.
"Did I tell you to stop groveling?" Senjougahara warns.
Koyomi sinks back to begging on the floor.
Senjougahara takes a moment to process, and touches her brow.
"Koyomin doesn't have much of a moral character to save y'know."
"Hey!" Koyomi protests. "Hanekawa assaulted me!"
"I only did it to keep you from further falling into the abyss of incestuous taboo!" Hanekawa replied, red faced.
Senjougahara sighs.
"I suppose this is indeed a problem. we can't have our dear Koyomin leading a life of uninhibited debauchery with his younger siblings."
Senjougahara begins untying her bow and opening her school blouse.
Koyomi begins to sweat bullets.
'Oh crap, Is she going to pull out a meter stick and beat me to an inch of my life? Does she need a meter stick to measure an inch?!'
Koyomi closes his eyes and braces himself, only to be met by a curious softness that settles on his lap.
Koyomi opens his eyes to find Senjougahara straddling him, her blouse pulled down to her shoulders and her light blue bra exposed. Senjougahara had hiked up her skirt as well, revealing her black stockings as she was sitting on top of him.
'W-what is this weird situation!' Koyomi attempted to protest, when his eyes drifted down to Senjougahara's cleavage.
'Those were always so nice...wait no! I need to stop this!'
"Hitagi-"
Senjougahara suddenly pins his hands against the wall with hers, and places her lips on Koyomi, kissing him deeply.
"Mmmhm!" Koyomi turns away breaking the kiss. "What did you do that for?!"
"Hanekawa-chan is right," Senjougahara begins pulling aside her bra straps.
"We must correct from this path, and we will do so by satisfying all your disgusting desires right here."
Senjougahara moves her hands to Koyomi's neck and opens up his collar. She begins kissing his neck, causing Koyomi to shudder. She kisses his neckline, and begins trailing down his chest.
'Agh..no no no I can't give in!'
Koyomi begins to struggle free, when he feels a pair of scissors brush up against his crotch.
Senjougahara pulls Koyomi towards her by his scruff.
"We will wring out all of that lustful wickedness, then utterly crush you into a fine pulp, so we can remold you into proper man."
Koyomi audibly gulps.
"Hanekawa-chan, grab his pants." Senjougahara commands.
"R-right!" Hanekawa says, snapping out of her nervous stupor, she then tugs at one of his legs.
"Aaarggh!! nooo!! help!!"
Just then, Kanbaru Suruga had walked into the bathroom in her basketball uniform, small beads of sweat trailing down her face.
She stops when she notices Koyomi on the floor being assaulted by Senjougahara and Hanekawa.
"Oh! Hey Araragi-Senpai!" Kanbaru happily greets him, "I came in to wash up after practice, I didn't think anyone was in here!"
Kanbaru then pauses to observe the situation. "Oho, are you guys sexually assaulting senpai?"
"Yes! Kanbaru get help!" Koyomi pleads, while struggling to keep his clothes on.
"Okay! I get sloppy seconds!"
"Yes! Wait, what!? No! I'm asking you to stop them!"
"Ah, that's no fun Araragi-senpai!" Kanbaru dives in between Senjougahara and Hanekawa and begins tugging at his belt.
"And here I was offering you casual degrading sex, and you go on with your womanizing ways, really Koyomin..." Senjougahara sighs, tearing at his shirt.
"Uwaaaaaaaa!!"
--
It was said the women's bathroom was filled with a blood-curdling scream that afternoon, as a semi naked young man had been seen sprinting across the courtyard, being chased by three young ladies.