Chapter 35: This Star

The day passes by quickly when you're following GOT7 around with a camera. It's quite amazing to watch them prepare for an awards night. Sheen is there too, watching my every move, which is why I'm extra careful not to come too close to Mark. There are moments, though, when he'd deliberately seek me out to feed me whatever it is he's eating, or brush against my back while checking the camera screen, or be silly on cam, or just mess around when I focus on the other boys.

For some reason, Jackson is mostly silent, keeping his distance from me whenever he can despite the fact that Mark says they're fine now. Sheen keeps talking to Jackson in Chinese and Mark turns to them every once in a while to join in.

Later that afternoon, JYP PD-nim tells me not to work at the awards show because we will have access to press and Mnet materials anyway. I really didn't need to be here, did I? I give up asking people if there's anything I can help with and decide to hide in my suite.

When I step out of the elevator, though, I suddenly find my mom's glam team waiting for me by the door. "What the—what are you guys doing here?!" I exclaim as I hug the stylists and makeup artists who have been with my mom through hundreds of events and shows. They hand me a phone, informing me that my parents flew them in specially for this event.

"Mom, seriously, this is way too much."

"I know, honey, but I'm really worried. You didn't have enough time to prepare for your business trip and this is HUGE. This is MAMA, who are you even kidding?!" My mother maybe a little bit controlling but she does have a point. I was about to don a simple black dress and ballet flats because that's all I had time to pack. "Your father's worried that people would think we've abandoned you or something."

"Mom, there's a line between abandonment and independence. I can do this on my own..." I try to explain as I herd everyone into my suite. Even this room contradicts my opinion.

"No, dear, you don't. Not when you have very little time between the awards show and the after-party—"

"Who says I'm going to the after-party? I wasn't even invited!"

"Hmmm... Check your bed." I hurry to my bedroom only to find two invites to the MAMA after-party. One is for Jenny, and the other one is for me, yet both of them bears my name.

"I'm the DJ?!"

"Yeah, well, it's kind of... Part of the sponsorship deal with Mnet..." She says guiltily.

"MOM!"

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. It took a while for our deal to be finalized. I would've told you sooner but I can't spoil the details. But that's why I sent Charles and his team." I sigh heavily, finally admitting defeat. This isn't the first time my parents took matters into their own hands. I hate that my opinion still comes second after their business ventures but more than anything, I am my parents' daughter.

"Okay... Can I call in Jenny? I don't want to be overdressed alone." My mother approves with a happy laugh and tells me to call her after the show. I thank her before handing the phone back to my stylists and taking my seat in the makeup chair. In the short period of time that I was on the phone with my mother, the team managed to set up camp in the living room while the hotel manager personally sets up an appetizer spread for everyone. A sexy black jumpsuit hangs beautifully on a rack along with other dresses. There are rows and rows of expensive jewelry on the sofa which mom designed herself. I call Jenny before pouring myself a glass of wine. If I'm going to be socializing tonight, I might as well start drinking now.

Love: Guess what, I'm at Hong Kong for MAMA and my parents are making me play at the after-party.
Liv: Wait, what?! You're the DJ at the MAMA after-party?
Love: Apparently...
Liv: Ah, let me guess. No one told you beforehand, right?
Love: How am I even supposed to do this?! I didn't prepare my set because I was thinking I'd be here for work—JYP work.
Liv: Hey, calm down. Your dad probably thought he was doing what's best for your career and your family's business. It's MAMA. It's a huge opportunity and you're right in the middle of it.

After two hours, Jenny and I reach the lobby to meet Sheen, our heels clacking against the marble floors. I feel all eyes on me as I walk. The staff bows to me as I pass them by, startling some of the guests. The whispers and the hushes and the stares do not leave us even as we get into the expensive car my dad sent for me.

Hope: Heard what dad did. You okay?
Love: I'm overdressed for work and sitting in a limo. Why should I not be okay?
Love: I miss you, I wish you were here.
Hope: I miss you too, sis. Cheer up. It'll be over soon.

The cool facade melts just a little when we get off the car. Seeing GOT7 at the red carpet in Hong Kong is a whole different experience. It's amazing how these boys transform in front of people. Their fun side is still there, but when the cameras flash there's this all-swag switch that goes off in their little heads. I couldn't help but sneak out my smaller mirrorless camera to take several pictures of the boys. When my eyes land on Mark, I catch him staring right at me, sharp eyes sneakily piercing through my smaller lens, lips turning up to form a hot smirk. I feel my face blush. "Hey, Mark is looking over here!" Jenny says nudging me. She waves at him and Mark waves back nicely before leaving me with a sly look, as if reminding me of our morning conversation.

Jenny is right about the fact that we're lucky to be in MAMA. Liv says the tickets are horrendously pricey but here we are, sitting just a few paces from the stage at the VIP area along with other important people in the industry. "Isn't she the viral DJ?" I hear some of them ask. "Your hotels are amazing! I always stay at Corinthians everywhere I go." One lady says. I limit my response to a nod and a polite thank you. Then I try not to squirm in my seat and make an embarrassing fangirl squeak as I watch the performances unfold.

When GOT7 comes out, everyone is in awe. Not only is their collaboration with Monsta X and NCT 127 thrilling down to the very last detail, but their latest choreography is also so complex that it leaves them breathless by the time they're done. I can see Mark staring right at me the moment they go down the stage, heaving dangerously for oxygen amidst the screaming crowd. He waves at me and I smile, hoping they get the award the deserve tonight.

And they do. I'm almost crying the moment they take center stage to get their worldwide act award. Jenny is holding my hand through it all. Sheen, who's sitting to my right and also sobbing softly, strokes my bare back tenderly while I dab at my tears. Their success feels so good, so real, so well-deserved. There's a flurry of excitement and chitchat and emotions as they climb down the stairs.

We leave the VIP area before the ending stage so we can meet the boys backstage. Jenny is giddy as heck. It's not every day that we get to see idols fresh from the main stage. V and Rap Monster passes by us and they immediately stop the minute they spot me amongst the waiting crowd. "Noona!" Taehyung calls, wearing his familiar boxy grin.

"Oh, Taehyungie chukahe!" [Oh, congratulations!] I say, hugging him tight. Namjoon is also beaming as he hugs me the moment V and I part. "Congratulations, wow! Artist Of The Year?! That's amazing!" I say, making him blush a deep crimson, his dimples threatening to melt me. I remember when Jackson told me that he's fascinated by me. What that encompasses, I really don't know.

"I know, I can't believe it. Thank you, Love. You're coming later, right? To the after-party at the Corinthians Ballroom?" He asks. I nod, informing him that I was invited just hours ago to perform as a guest DJ at the after-party hosted by our own hotel. "Oh my god, I'll finally see you play!" He motions excitedly, before translating what I said in Korean and making Taehyung giddy as well. Then we hear Jin calling out to both members as other idols rush to their own waiting rooms. "Okay, we'll go pack our stuff real quick. I'll see you there." He drags Taehyung away, leaving me standing with a wide smile. I turn to my left to see Jenny's aghast, gaping face.

"Oh shit, I totally forgot to introduce you!" I say, realizing belatedly that I never confirmed my friendship with BTS—or with any other celebrity—to my work friends. It takes her a few minutes to respond by shaking me like a doll until I promise to introduce her to the boys later on.

I enter the ballroom in a black Moschino shirt dress, black thigh-high lace-up boots, and a ditzy ponytail, Even Jenny got surprised by how I look. "You look like you raided 2ne1's closet."

"Trust me, I did my best not to look like them too," I say, rolling my eyes. I look more like a cross between Ariana Grande and CL, to be more honest. I literally had to argue with my makeup artist to keep my face bare save for a neutral lip color and just a bit of blush and contour because I'm in a hurry to prepare my set for the after-party.

It's not news that you have to look extravagantly sexy when you're with people who look good for a living. In fact, only a few people turn to wave at me as I make my way to the stage for my set. They announce my stage name and the spotlight hits my face. I smile and wave before putting my headphones on. Just pretend you're alone. You're fine. I start with my standard house beats, and remember that JYP promised to help me make cleaner versions of it at the JYP Studios next year. Now that's a good New Year's Resolution.

I groove, feeling the familiar glossy excitement rushing through my body. Being a DJ is terrifying and crazy for an introvert like me, but it's not something I'm not willing to try. If anything, I feel flattered that JYP thinks I can make a career our of this. The beat starts to slow down, a crash sound effect, a wind down sound effect, and then I beat-match EXO's Monster to it, fixing the speed to fit the song. The crowd goes crazy, most probably because the group just won Album Of The Year. Suho, who's standing from a distance beside a laughing Baekhyun, raises his glass to me and I give him a thumbs up in response as if to say, "I got you."

My eyes scan the crowd before me. There are so many famous faces, so many familiar industry people, and a few high-society fixtures in the Asian music and party scene. I get tons of fleeting glances, waves from friends and strangers, call outs, and requests in the first hour. I entertain most of them, even blowing kisses their way. And then there's Mark.

Mark and his idol facade.

His blinding smile never leaves his face as he flies from corner to corner with JB, and BamBam, greeting fellow idols. I watch them seek the members of BTS, who seem to have gotten their own spotlight in the sea of beautiful people. It inspires me to play the GOT7 and BTS mash-up I've been keeping for the longest time.

"Okay, I want you all to raise your bottles to my mates from BTS and GOT7..." I say, my distinct Australian accent ringing everywhere. I pump the volume up as GOT7's distinct "Hard Carry, Hey" catch phrase kicks into the beat of BTS' Fire. Everyone starts to groove, even the boys. By the end of the mash-up, everyone's sweaty and smiling. I get a surge of confidence as I transition to my next surprise.

There's a collective gasp as I start my next mash-up with BTS' Blood Sweat And Tears music bed, EXO's vocal intro from Lotto, and GOT7's Hard Carry bars. I see Namjoon's mouth forming an O and Chanyeol making his way to the two groups, followed by the other EXO members. All three groups approach the foot of my booth to dance with the other guests. The act of support fuels me to dance as well, in between stabs and tips.

Every once in a while I get to glance at Namjoon, who's merely bobbing along with everyone. He seems to be in a trance-like state, maintaining eye contact with me despite the flurry of activity around him. Something about his stare triggers me to wink flirtatiously and as I do Namjoon breaks out into a wide smile, hand flying to cover his face. When he recovers, I blow him a kiss which he catches with his drink-free hand up in the air. We both laugh despite the short distance between us and as I finish my set I see him making his way to assist me down the short flight of stairs.

"That... Was amazing!" He says over the loud music when I reach the dance floor landing. "You were amazing,"

"Hey, all I did was a mash-up of the stems you and Suga gave me so thank you," I answer, squeezing his hand. I watch him bite his lower lip before speaking up again, but he gets interrupted by the voice behind me.

"There you are!" It's Mark, I'd know his voice anywhere. I know it's him because of the distinct sound of his swaggy Cali boy accent, the strength of his arm as he snakes it around my waist, the smell of lavender mixed with imported beer and sweat. I'd know the scent of his skin anywhere and with the way he's looking at me, I can tell he wouldn't let me off easily for flirting with the young rapper before us. "Isn't she awesome?" He pokes at Namjoon with a friendly smile.

"She's so good!" Namjoon answers, still not letting go of my hand. He turns to me again, speaking loudly against the music. "How did you learn all that?"

"A friend taught me, it's no big deal."

"It IS a big deal. Your boss offered her a contract." Mark is beaming proudly, his grip on my waist getting loose as he takes a swig of his beer. I'm just really glad we're being hidden by the giant speakers because his hands are starting to travel down my ass.

"See, I told you you're gonna get it. Are we going to be labelmates now?" Namjoon asks, still oblivious to Mark's ministrations. I feel fingers at the back of my thighs, brushing against the skin just above my boots.

"I REALLY don't know yet..." I answer, shifting my feet anxiously. "How did you know that?" I ask, turning to Mark with eyes that scream what-the-fuck-are-you-doing before letting go of Namjoon's hand.

"Sheen told us." He smirks at me before grabbing my wrist with his free hand. Then he turns to Namjoon again. "Hey, we gotta go, her manager's looking for her. We'll see you later, okay?"

"Right. See you around, hey—" Namjoon steps forward to hug me one last time and I pull away from Mark to hug him back. "Call me when you're free, okay?" Namjoon whispers before letting me go. The two idols bid their goodbyes to each other with a fist bump. Then he pulls me away and Mark hands his beer to Jinyoung as we pass by. Apparently he's watching us from the sidelines, his back flat against a wall, and his smile all-knowing.

Before I know it I'm being whisked out of the ballroom and into an empty elevator. There is no sign of Sheen anywhere so I take it we're not really leaving to discuss business matters. Mark looks up to stare at the CCTV cameras in the lift before letting go of me. "Don't worry, those cameras can't record sounds so fire away," I say, rubbing my wrist.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Mark says with a smirk, muscular arms folded against his chest.

"Enjoying what, exactly?" I cross my arms in front of me, mirroring him.

"Making me jealous."

"I am not—"

"That eyefuck moment with Namjoon, I saw that."

"Eyefuck?! really?" I repeat, my snarky voice adding insult to injury. "You know, slut shaming your fuck buddy kind of defeats the whole purpose of having one." We stop at his floor and he gestures for me to get out first. I do as he asks, my eyes rolling in disbelief at this man who, despite the fatigue and the long evening we've both had, seems to still be in the mood for angry sex.

He lends his hand out to me with his head tilted to the side, his left eyebrow raised. I give him my hand and he pulls me along until we reach door number 715. Mark pulls up the key card from his jeans pocket and opens the door hurriedly, accidentally revealing a half-naked Jackson standing at the foot of a messy single bed, his abs on full display. "Fucking hell," I breathe before closing my eyes and turning to face the wall.

"Out," Mark orders, his hand still holding the door open.

"Oh my god, why are you back so soon?!" Jackson exclaims while he's putting on a new shirt. "Is the party over?" He further asks. I can't get myself to look at him in the eye, not when I know I'm blushing so profusely with his half-naked image burning behind my eyelids.

"No, aren't you going back home?"

"I'm taking my mom home and then I'm coming back here so don't do it on my bed. I swear, if my sheets smell like sex I'll KILL both of you."

"Jackson, just go..." I murmur, still facing the wall. I hear him huffing as he steps out of the room.

"Don't fuck on my bed!" He reminds us one last time before Mark closes the door on his face, effectively caging me in between his two arms. Mark locks the door, pins me against it with one arm, and takes my face in his hand.

"What are you doing to me?" He whispers while touching my lip with the pad of of his thumb. I feel like melting under his half-lidded stare. "I know I'm not supposed to stop you from dating anybody but I can't bear the thought of you kissing anyone other than me," He adds before planting his lips on mine, stealing my breath away. The hand holding my wrist above my head becomes lighter as he laces his fingers with mine. His other hand travels down my sides, taking my leg and raising it to angle me better. I feel him hardening as his kisses become more urgent, his breath hot and heavy on my lips, his tongue grazing my neck, and my ear. "Just say yes, Baby, I promise I'll be good to you."

"Mmmhhh... Baby, you've always been a good fuck," I say, panting as I yield to his touch. Silence. Mark stops kissing me and breathes hard onto the skin of my neck now damp with his saliva.

"Damn, you just ruined it." He lets go of me and retreats to the bed. His hard-on is still very visible against his black skinny jeans as he leans back to the bed with his arms for support, the outlines of his muscles visible through the soft, black fabric of his shirt. I sit on the bed beside him and take my boots off, carefully loosening the ties that secure it. Mark watches in fascination as I reveal more of my leg.

"Please stop asking me if we can date, you know that's impossible." I say.

"Why because it's inconvenient? You went out with Namjoon at a public cafe," He debates calmly while watching me untie my other boot. "Baby, you can do so much better than him..."

"Actually, that wasn't a date. We had coffee, we were with his manager, and it was an errand. Also, his IQ is probably higher than the combined IQs of all the guys I've ever dated in my life." I joke, smirking at the memory of all the boys I've been with in the past who are all hot and athletic, but also definitely dumb. My high school and college dating life was a mess.

"Do you think he'll be a good fuck?"

"Is that all that matters?"

"Then why don't you tell me what really matters to you?" His sharp glower goes soft, and his voice drops a notch as he scoots even closer. I'm so wrong. Even my adult dating life is a mess and the proof is right here before my eyes. "I really wanna know..."

"Does that mean we're not having sex tonight?" I ask.

"We can if you want to, and then let's talk like real people afterwards. Call?" He answers.

Silence.

We stare at each other, finally getting accustomed to sitting closely without having to touch or kiss or moan. I smile at him sweetly before leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. "Let's just go upstairs and talk while eating dinner, I'm starving." I take my boots and walk out of the room barefoot. He follows me as I pad along the hallways aimlessly. We enter my suite in silence, scared that any amount of noise might break the spell we're currently in.

"Hey, can you help me with my dress?" I say, turning my back to him as I remove my earrings. He unzips the back of my dress, slowly peeling my clothes off to reveal my new Moschino lingerie. I turn to him with the most flirtatious look I can muster but he just stares at me wordlessly. Damn it. I walk back and forth from the bathroom to my bedroom, showing off bits and pieces of skin to push him further, but he makes no effort to leave the sofa while I'm cleaning up.

We eat leftovers of the room service that I didn't get to finish before the event and as we talk about his pre-debut memories I can't help but feel like something's changed. There's a certain kind of zen that settles between us, a certain careless glint in his eye that reminds me of the boy I once met up with in California.

Before me I see the boy who taught me skateboard tricks, the boy who asked me for a Polaroid picture, the boy who once used his dog as an excuse to talk to me. This boy is far from the towering, shining star I saw just hours ago on one of the biggest stages in Asia, and yet somehow I like being with this boy better.