Chapter 37

As she heard Paige making her way downstairs, Emily slipped from the bed and headed for the dresser in search of some clothes. Though she felt more comfortable in her nakedness than she would have thought, she was still a little self conscious about it and wanted at least something on when Paige came back up with lunch. After a bit of riffling she found a Penn State t-shirt in Paige's drawer and slipped it on. It was threadbare and worn, which made it all the more comfortable. From her own drawer she pulled out a pair of cute girl-boxers and slipped them on, then returned to bed.

She couldn't hear anything from downstairs, so she assumed that meant lunch preparations were going well. Paige hadn't made any major messes or set anything on fire yet at least. Her stomach rumbled a little at the thought of food being prepared but she ignored it's protests as she picked up the book that lay on her bedside table and opened it to where she had left off. A pointless action, because she had started the book before the accident and had to go back to the beginning anway.

She was a couple of pages into the second chapter and just starting to get interested when her cell phone rang. She reached for it absently, trying to finish the paragraph she was on at least before her attention was diverted to the call.

"Hello?" she answered without checking the caller I.D.

There was a pause on the other end of the line followed by someone clearing their throat. "Yes. Hi. Emily?" A woman's voice questioned her uncertainly.

"Yes." She drew her answer out uncertainly. She couldn't place the voice, but there was something vaguely familiar about it.

"Emily, dear, this is Maureen. McCullers."

It took a moment, and then Emily was hit by realization. She was talking to Paige's mother.

"Oh," she breathed in surprise. "Uh. Hello." She was too stunned to know what to say, though she knew that she couldn't be making the best of impressions right now.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. I thought I had dialed Paige's number."

"Oh, you did." Emily blushed at her outburst. "I'm sorry, what I meant is, I've been using Paige's phone for the past couple weeks. She got a new one, but has been kind of lazy about updating her contacts." Emily hoped Mrs. McCullers wouldn't be offended by being left ouf of the loop.

Much to Emily's relief, Paige's mom let out a soft laugh. "That sounds like Paige."

"She's just downstairs making lunch. I can go get her for you."

"Oh, no, honey. Don't trouble yourself."

"Do you want me to pass along a message?"

There was a momentary pause. Emily sensed that Mrs McCullers was uncertain. But, she figured it had to be something pretty important if she were calling in the middle of a work day.

"I don't want to be a bother, but it's something of a time sensitve issue."

"It's really not a problem."

Mrs McCullers hesitated another moment and then let out a soft sigh. "I don't know if Paige has mentioned this to you or not, but her father's birthday is coming up. Normally, we book a table at his favorite restaurant in the city and see a show, and he and Paige play golf while..." she trailed off and cleared her throat. "I thought, given the circumstances that it might be better to do something a little closer to home. But wanted to leave myself time to still book something if..."

It took a few minutes for Emily to decipher the unfinished explanation before it struck her that her father's birthday was something the four of them celebrated together. And, with the accident and Emily's memory loss and everything else that had been happing, her parents had no idea whether or not to proceed with the normal course of events or alter their plans.

"Well, I can't speak for Paige, but I for one would love to go." Emily answered the question that Mrs. McCullers had left unspoken.

Emily knew that Paige's relationship with her father had been tumultous when she was in her teens but by all accounts it had gotten better. She couldn't imagine that Paige would want to miss her father's birthday celebration.

"Really? Oh, Emily that's wonderful. Nick and I weren't sure, with everything that's been going on if it'd be the right time..."

"The timing could not be better." If the call had come a few weeks ago, Emily would not have been equipped to deal with meeting Paige's parents, but so much had changed over a short period of time and the more she thought about it, the more excited she became at the prospect of meeting them.

"Is that so? That's lovely to hear. Nick and I have been beside ourselves since the accident. We wanted to come by but Paige said that it might be best to give it some time."

"Yes. I'm sorry about that. With everything else going on it would have just been too much."

"That's understandable. But, things are going well then, I take it?"

It was clear that Paige's mom didn't know how to adress the subject of her accident or the memory loss. Not that Emily could really blame her. It wasn't an easy thing to talk about. And it's not like it was something that could be naturally slipped into conversation.

"Things are going well," Emily agreed. "I'm still on the crutches, but I'm getting more mobile every day. And, my memories are starting to come back." It felt a little weird to be sharing this information with a complete stranger, though she knew that before the accident, this woman had not been a stranger to her. She had been, for all intents and purposed, her mother-in-law. Emily was certain that they must have had their own bond, things they talked about, interests they shared.

"I'm so happy to hear that."

The whole conversation was a bit surreal, but then a lot about her life had been surreal lately. She was learning to just go with it. To relax into conversations with people who knew her but she had no recollection of. And, as she let herself relax into the conversation with Paige's mom, she found herself pleasantly entertained by the other woman's humor and wit. She was a lot like Paige in that regard. Or rather, Paige was a lot like her, Emily supposed.

"Hey, so I made grilled cheese. But I think I used too much butter. It seems..."Paige's voice preceeded her into the room, though she trailed off when she noticed Emily was on the phone. "Sorry," she mouthed as she made her way over to the bed. She put the tray down beside Emily and the climbed in next to her, eyebrow raised in question as she nodded towards the phone.

"Your Mom," Emily mouthed.

Paige's eyes went wide, and she pointed a finger at herself, confirming that she'd properly interpreted what Emily had said. When Emily nodded, she reached for the phone, but Emily switched it to the opposite ear, out of her reach. She bit her lip, stiffling a laugh at the surprised, and yet somehow still disgruntled expression on Paige's face.

She and Mrs McCullers chatted for a few more minutes, and when a natural break came in the conversation she said, "Paige is here now, if you want to talk to her."

Mrs McCullers agreed, and bid Emily a fond farewell.

"It was nice talking to you too," Emily agreed. "I can't wait to see you either. Bye."

She passed the phone over to Paige, who took it cautiously and held it up to her ear. "Hey, Mom. What's up?"

Emily watched the expressions on her face as she nodded, occasionally "uh-huhing" the slight furrow of her brow and the way she pursed her lips in bemusement was adorable.

"All right Mom. See you then. Bye." The conversation hadn't lasted long before she'd hung up and tossed the phone down by her side. "So, you and my Mom planned my dad's birthday dinner?"

Emily couldn't read her tone, or the expression on her face.

"Well, your Mom pretty much had everything planned. She just wanted to know if we could make it...I'm sorry, did I do something wrong? I thought you'd want-"

"What? No. You didn't do anything wrong. Sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?" Paige scrubbed a hand over her face. "It was like walking into a time warp or something, you and my Mom on the phone, planning something or other. And, I know that we're rebuilding things but sometimes it just hits me at the most innoportune times..."

"Believe me. I know."

Paige shot her a small, conspiratorial smile. "Yeah. I guess you would. Of course I want you at my dad's birthday. If you're feeling up to it."

"I am. I promise. I can't wait to see them. Meet them?" Emily wasn't quite sure what the proper phrasing was.

"And they can't wait to see you either. They've both been chomping at the bit since the accident but I thought it would be best if they kept their distance for awhile Let you settle in. Less pressure. I made the right call, didn't I? Having them keep their distance?"

"I feel bad, that they weren't here for you. But, personally, I don't think I could have handled more strangers with expectations around."

"You're sweet, for worrying about me," Paige said, leaning over to press a kiss to Emily's cheek. The light brush of lips, almost a tickle, making Emily grin and giggle. She noticed, however, that Paige didn't say that she'd been fine, or that she hadn't needed her parents, which only compounded Emily's guilt She tried not to dwell on it though. They couldn't change the past, all they could do was move forward and try to do better.

"So, tell me about a typical McCuller's family gathering," Emily requested as she grabbed one of the plates off the tray, which was loaded down with a golden, if slightly soggy looking, grilled cheese sandwich a handful of chips and a cup of fresh cut fruit salad.

"Well, my family's not quite like yours. I don't have a ton of aunts and uncles and cousins. My mom has a sister, and she has two kids who are a few years younger than me. And my dad has two brothers. One of them never married, has no kids. The other has a son. They live in Michigan. My Mom's side of the family is great. Real fun-loving, salt of the earth, wonderful people. We don't see them often, because they live in Maine-that's where my mom grew up. Especially since my grandparents passed. When I was a kid we'd make the trip for Christmas, Thanksgiving, a couple weeks every summer. But my grandmother died when I was in sixth grade. Cancer. And my grandfather died about a year later."

Emily reached out and rubbed Paige's arm in sympathy.

"After that, my aunt and uncle started going to his parents place for the holidays and my parents and I stayed home. Considering everything that I was going through in middle school and early high school, I'm sure you can imagine how much fun that was. School holidays stuck at home with just my parents for company." Paige smiled wryly, but Emily could see the pain behind her smile.

'What about your dad's family?"

"He doesn't talk to them. Or rather, they don't talk him. See, my dad's parents, well his whole family, are pretty strictly Irish Catholic and my mom...wasn't. She was Protestant. But none of her family ever even went to church, except for weddings and funerals. My dad's family had money. My mom's...they weren't poor but they weren't exactly well off either. Solidly middle class, I guess. My parents met in college and fell in love, and when his parents found out they dissapproved. My mom did everything she could to win them over. She even joined the church. But when they announced their engagement, my dad's parents disowned him."

"What? Paige. That's horrible." As heartbreaking as it was, it also made sense of a lot of the things Paige had said about her father, and his behaviour and their relationship in her younger years.

"So, you don't have any relationshpi with them at all?

"Not really. I guess things thawed a little when I was born. I have a few hazy memories of vistits and birthday parties when I was a kid. But things were never really good between them and we didn't see them often. My coming out was the last straw. My grandad, from how my mom tells it, about had an aneurysm."

Emily didn't understand how Paige could be so flippant about it. In a sense, she had been disowned by her family just as much as her father had.

"So, family affairs have for the most part been just the three of us. Once we started getting serious, I started doing Thanksgiving with your family. And I swear all we did for three days was eat. Breakfasts and brunches and lunches and-"

"I know what holidays with my family are like," Emily gently interrupted. And even though she couldn't remember sharing one with Paige and her family, it wasn't hard to imagine. She could picture Paige slipping easily into conversation with her uncles and horsing around with her little cousins and helping her mom and aunts in the kitchen, and making sure Emily's drink was always full and bringing her second helpings of dessert even though they both knew she didn't need it. "I'm curious about what they're like in your family."

"I was getting to it. Geez." Paige rolled her eyes, and Emily just rolled hers right back. "So, as I was saying, for awhile, family gatherings were just me and my parents, which were hella weird during my angsty, teenage years. A lot of awkward dinners just the three of us, overly polite conversation, a lot of silences. Then, we started doing Thanksgiving with your parents, which cut down on the family face time. Then, towards the end of high school, once everyone was okay with everyone else's sexuality and nobody was banishing anyone else to the front porch, your parents started inviting my parents to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners."

"What? No way."

"Yes way. Very much way. Thanksgiving our senior year. Surprisingly, our families got along smashingly Though, I guess in hindsight, it's really not all that surprising. They're all upstanding, conservative, Christian citizens. But at the time it just seemed bizzare. McCullers family celebrations becamse McCullers-Fields' celebrations. My birthday. Your birthday. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hell, even Easter."

Emily let out a laugh. Even though it did make a sort of sense, and she couldn't imagine Paige lying about such a thing, she couldn't believe it.

"If your parents hadn't relocted to Texas, they'd probably be included in my father's birthday plans as well. Weirdest triple date in history," she teased.

Emily thought it was neat. Though, it certainly piled on the pressure for things to go well getting reaquianted with Paige's parents. Still, she was looking forward to it. From everything that Paige had told her, and the conversation that she'd had with Mrs McCullers, it would appear that she was on good terms with Paige's parents. She didn't see that changing. Things had been going so well for her recently getting to know all of the other people in her life, why should this be any different?

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Paige asked. "If you want a bit more time, I'm sure I can put them off awhile longer."

"Do you not want me to go?"

"Of course I want you to. Why would you ask that?"

"You seem to be trying awfully hard to convince me not to."

"Oh." Paige pulled up short. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that. I was just-"

"Being unneccessarily overprotective. Sweet. But overprotective." Emily raised her hand to pat Paige's cheek."I want to get to know your parents, Paige."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'll drop it." She turned her head and pressed a kiss to the palm of Emily's hand.

"Thank you," Emily said, dropping her hand and turning her attention back to her meal. She found herself suddenly ravenous, which wasn't particulary surprising, considering the amount of energy she had recently expended. It was the most phsyical she had been in a very long time. She smirked to herself, thinking that sex with Paige was going to have to be a substitute for the gym for her, for quite a while. She was feeling much better, her injuries barely ever bothered her, but the cast on her foot was quite cumbersome and even once it was off, it was going to take some time in physical therapy to get herself back up to the level of activity she had once been at.

"What?" Paige nudged her with her elbow as she took a big bite of her own soggy grilled cheese sandwich.

"Nothing." Emily shook her head, trying to smother her smirk.

"Aww, come on."

"Just, eat your lunch. You're going to need the energy."

Paige paused mid-chew, her eyes going wide. "Really?" she squeaked her cheeks bulging as she tried to keep her mouth closed around her food. She quickly swallowed and tore off another bite.

"Hey. Easy." Emily reached out and lay a hand on her wrist. "Slow down before you choke."

Paige blushed, and ducked her head. "Sorry," she mumbled, taking a smaller,more measured bite. "It's just...been a really, really long time." She turned her head and shot Emily woebegone expression that was so pitifully exaggerated Emily didn't know whether to laugh, or feel sorry for her.

"I'm sure you made do," she quipped, her own eyes widening along with Paige's as the double meaning hit her. Once again, Paige stopped chewing to stare at her. This time it was Emily's turn to blush, and duck her head.

"I'm not sure what you want my answer to that to be," Paige said. And Emily appreciated her honesty and sincereity towards what had been a joking, offhand comment that clearly had deeper implications.

Emily's blush burned hotter as she realized that she knew what she wanted Paige's answer to be. Butterflies erupted in her stomach as she remembered the couple times she had "made do" recently. Her heart picked up its pace in her chest as she contemplated her response.

Her natural instinct was to bury the conversation somewhere deep and never let it surface again. It was embarrasing, talking about stuff like that. But, there was another part of her that felt a fluttery sort of excitement at the thought of Paige doing the same things that she herself had done. And, considering what the two of them had so recently shared, was talking about really all that embarrasing? Paige had seen her naked, had touched her and kissed her breasts. Had put her mouth...down there. She had touchd Paige, had put her fingers inside her and watched her come. Shouldn't she be able to talk about it? To express her desires? Listen to Paige express hers?

Maybe she would never be completely comfortable talking about it. But, it wasn't something that she should be embarrassed or ashamed of. Not when they loved each other. Not when they had something so special.

"I think it's kind of hot. If you did.'" she said softly, her gaze fixed firmly on her plate in her lap.

She heard the hitch in Paige's breathing and felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end at the intesnity of Paige's stare. Emily took a deep, steadying breath and then turned to face Paige. She caught her eye, and held it determinedly.

The way Paige's eyes widened was almost comical. Emily might have laughed if she weren't filled with a buzzing sort of expecation and nervousness.

"Seriously?" Paige looked surprised, then her expression quickly morphed into eagerness. Emily did have to laugh at that, just a little. Of course Paige would be excited and curious. She had to admit, the unabashed enthusiasm Paige had for her body and being with her went a long way towards easing some of her natural reserve.

"Yes. Seriously. So..."

"So, what?" Paige shot her a teasing grin.

"Oh, come on, are you really going to make me say it?"

"Say what?"

"Paige."

"I love it when you moan my name like that."

"Paige." Emily laughed this time, and gave her shoulder a little shrug. "Come on.

"Come on, what?"

"No fair. You already know that I do.." Emily blushed even now, remembering when Paige had walked in on her.

"Do?"

Emily realized her mistake when she noticed that Paige's curiosity was piqued.

"So that wasn't the only time?"

"Umm..Do you remember the morning when we woke up together on the couch?"

Paige let out a groan. "How could I forget?"

"Well, after you left for your run I..."

"Wait, really? But that was..."

"Awhile ago. I know. And, I'm sorry for not telling you this sooner. I know you were beating yourself up about it."

"Hey, no. I get it.. It was just something you needed to process."

Emily nodded. "I guess. Mostly though, I was...embarrassed and kind of ashamed. I thought you might get mad me for...using you like that?" She turned her explanation into a question and looked to Paige for help in sorting it out.

"Mad? More like honored." Paige shot her a wicked grin, though her expression quickly sobered. "There's nothing wrong with what you did. Or thinking of me while you did it. But, I get it. I remember the first time I thought of a girl like that."

"A girl?" Emily teased.

"Okay. You. The first time I thought about you like that. It was...start of sophmore year maybe? I don't remember exactly, but we were still in that weird limbo in between not quite friends, more than strangers. I don't know what it was about that day, but something about watching you at swim practice, seeing you in that bathing suit, I just couldn't stop picturing it long after practice was over. I was alone in my room, the house was empty and I just...gave in to my thoughts. I'd only done it a few times before. And the only time I'd had a specific face to my fantasies. Afterwards I was so ashamed. I..."

"Hurt yourself?" Emily finished the thought when Paige didn't.

Reluctantly, Paige nodded. "And cried. And swore I would never do it again. And at the time I meant it. But, a few days later, I gave into the feelings again. And then I punished myself for it again. It went on and on for weeks."

"What happened?" Emily asked, curious as to what had halted the cycle.

"Well, the last time I did it, I punished myself by crashing my bike on my way home from school. Skidded out taking a corner. Road rash all over my arms and legs. But, I also bounced my head off the curb. I had my helmet, so I didn't do any permanent damage but a piece of the plastic splintered and cut my face. It was so close to my eye. A few inches...I could have lost my sight. It cost me my start in the race that week. My dad was furious. And...you were so concerned. You sat with me on the bench between heats and kept fussing over me. I felt so guilty for what I had done, and even more guilty at the thought of you getting upset at me for hurting myself because of it. Somehow, even then, I knew that you wouldn't want me to do that."

"You're right. I wouldn't have. I don't."

"Hey, no worries about that. I haven't felt guilty about that in a long time. Because as it turns out, you think it's kind of hot. "

"So, that means that you have been. Making do?"

Paige sighed. "At first I tried not to. Out of respect for you. I guess there was a part of me that felt like you did. Like you'd be mad or ashamed if you knew that I was thinking of you like that. But the longer things went on with you without your memory, the harder it became."

Emily remembered Hannah's assesment that Paige was sexually frustrated and realized that she had been dead on. Not only wasn't she getting any, but she was abstaining herself as well.

"It all came to a morning after we fell asleep on the couch. Waking up with you like that, touching you like that. It just became too much. I tried to run it off and when that didn't work-"

"You took a really long shower and things were awkward for the rest of the day."

"Yeah." Paige let out a soft sigh. "I guess it hasn't been that long since I felt guilty after all. I tried not to think of you when I did it. But..."

"A decade's worth of memories are hard to ignore. And, really, you shouldn't have to. My memory loss screwed a lot of things up. But, it shouldn't take away how you think about me. Or our past."

"So, it doesn't make you uncomfortable knowing that I thought about you like that even before we..."

"Uncomfortable? No. More like honoured." Emily teased Paige's words back to her.

Paige grinned, the mischevious smile lighting her face. Emily was glad that they had talked this out. It was one of those things that, while not really an issue, lingered in the far corners of her mind.

"So, you have plans for me this afternoon?" Paige said as she shoved the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth and dusted the crumbs off her fingers. She sounded entirely too pleased by the prospect, but Emily suddenly found herself hurrying to finish her own lunch, eager to get back to doing...other things with Paige.

To have sex with Paige again. Even if she weren't able to say it aloud she figured she should at least be able to admit it to herself. Not that there was any confusion between the two of them what she meant, but still, it seemed important to address it honestly.

"Yeah. I was thinking we could tackle the closets. Like you said the other day, they're a bit cluttered. And there's so much stuff I'd love to go through. I'm sure those photo albums aren't the only mementos we have."

Paige turned her head slowly to gape at her. Emily did her best to hold a serious expression. It was hard though, in the face of how utterly unimpressed and dissapointed Paige looked.

"That's why you want me to have energy for the afternoon? So we can clean house?"

"Well, yeah. What did you think I meant?" Emily managed to keep a straight face for a beat before dissolving into laughter.

"Oh, my God. I hate you so much right now." Paige laughed as she lunged forward, tackling Emily down onto the bed.