"We have a new cadet joining us today," Shumway announced at morning briefing. Bellamy and his classmates exchanged glances, surprised to hear this- it was unusual for a new recruit to start up so late into the program.
What was even more surprising was that the boy that was waved into the classroom didn't look a day over fifteen. He had a bit of a baby face, so maybe he was sixteen, but still. Standing at the front of the class, a grin on his face, his blue eyes sparkling, his head crowned in thick, dark blond hair, he looked like a child.
The new cadet's name was Vaughn Bishop. Shumway explained that because his father was a top guard and had trained him from a young age, he'd been allowed to skip some of the pre-requisites and was joining their class as an advanced placement recruit.
He was from Alpha, of course.
They were paired together in the gym, and man the guy liked to talk. Bellamy was preoccupied thinking about his plan for that evening- his rations were running low again, but Nygel had a new client for him, one who would pay more than usual. So, somehow he had to fit that in around Octavia, knowing his mother was leaving early for work and not wanting his sister to be alone for too long.
Then again, ever since she'd begged him for that kiss, the day after her birthday, he'd been wary of being alone with her too long, and tried to minimise the time they spent in the same bunk too. Not that she'd tried anything else, or asked for anything. She'd promised him that one kiss was all she wanted, and so far she'd been true to her word. He hoped that was the end of it.
It wasn't that it had been bad- that wasn't the point at all. It had even been kind of nice, sweet and innocent in a way he hadn't experienced since… well, probably since he was Octavia's age. Plus, he hadn't kissed someone he loved since Everly, which felt like a lifetime ago. And his love for Everly had been a tiny speck of feeling compared to the wealth he had for his sister. There simply weren't words for the complexity with which he loved her, or the depth of it, and that was how this had happened- she'd told him it would make it happy, and he couldn't say no. But he knew that had to change, and fast.
The bottom line was this: she was his sister, and they weren't supposed to do stuff like that. No one on the Ark had siblings except them, and Octavia had tried to argue that that meant they could be the only ones to define that relationship, but he knew it wasn't that simple. Plus, she was so young. He'd tried to tell her she didn't know what she was asking for, not really, and he'd meant it. She was young not just in age but in experience, and he supposed she always would be.
So, no amount of rationalising- that no one else had a sibling, that no one could possibly understand, that maybe she did need him for everything, even that, or that it wasn't either of their faults that she had to live in that tiny room with no other human contact except her family, that no one would ever know she existed or ever know about anything they did… none of that excused it. He would know. No, there was no level of justification that could actually excuse the fact that it was simply wrong, and he knew it was wrong. Hell, she probably even knew it was wrong, on some level. But she cared a lot less than he did, owing to the fact that she didn't have anyone to answer to but him and Aurora.
And as for Aurora- what would she think of all this? Part of him wished he could talk to her about it, but he knew he couldn't. She'd freak out, hit the roof, sit them both down and ground them for a year… wouldn't she? Part of him wondered. After all, it was her idea that the two of them should live together- no one else allowed- for the rest of their lives. Did she just expect them to play pony ride and board games until they died of old age? She couldn't be that naïve… could she?
Bellamy felt the familiar pang of an old hurt, a deep anger at his mother for this situation that she'd created and thrust them both into, with no choice but to make do. Only that anger came with a simultaneous stab of guilt for the implication that he might wish Octavia had never been. And that could certainly never be true. So the thought process was always a lost cause.
"Hey, Earth to Blake," Vaughn called out to him, pulling him from his thoughts and back into the sparring area with a quizzical look.
"What?" Bellamy asked, irritated at the interruption.
"Why'd you say yes?"
"Huh?" He hadn't been aware that he was saying anything at all. "Oh sorry, I didn't understand the question."
"I asked you if you were my bitch now," Vaughn said, hiding a laugh. "I was trash-talking you, man."
Bellamy would have turned red if he hadn't been so preoccupied worrying about important things. "Oh, sorry." He assumed a fighting stance again, realising that the whole time his mind had been whirring with possibilities, he and Vaughn had been practicing hand-to-hand combat. Well, at least he was good at multi-tasking… maybe better than he knew.
They sparred a bit more, trading blows. The kid wasn't bad, he had to admit… maybe he belonged here after all, even if he only got in because he was privileged.
"So what made you want to be a guard?" Bellamy asked, trying to focus on the here and now.
"My dad," he answered, flicking his eyes to the ceiling. "Not my first choice."
"Yeah? It's mine," Bellamy told him, throwing a punch.
"Well, at least you had a choice," Vaughn pointed out, blocking and then throwing a punch of his own.
"Actually, my mom pushed me pretty hard," Bellamy said, not wanting the kid to think he'd had it in any way worse than him. As if that was even possible, with his life.
"Yeah?" They rotated, still trying to land blows on each other. "How come?"
This is what always happened when he talked about anything besides pointless day-to-day small talk… it always circled around to Octavia, one way or another, and he always hated the feeling of avoiding the most important topic of his life. With a shrug he said, "I don't know, I guess she thought it was a good job."
"I heard you're the only kid from Factory to ever get into the program," Vaughn said, sounding almost impressed, which caught Bellamy off-guard.
He shrugged a little, recovering himself. "I guess so."
In the locker room, Vaughn sat down next to Bellamy and said, "Hey, are you busy after? I have a shitload of readings to catch up on and I was hoping you might help me. You're the only one who's been even remotely nice to me."
Nice? Him? He was surprised to hear that, but the truth was, he didn't have time. "No, sorry, I have a meeting and then I have to get home."
"A meeting?" Vaughn asked with a groan. "Don't tell me they left that off my timetable."
"What?" He shook his head. "Oh, no, it's nothing to do with cadets."
"Thank God," Vaughn said happily. "So okay then, rain-check? I've got to spend some time with my girlfriend and the twins anyway." He wiggled his eyebrows at Bellamy playfully.
What language was this guy speaking? "Huh?" Bellamy asked, totally confused. What was he talking about? No one on the Ark had twins.
"My girlfriend," Vaughn repeated. "The one I was telling you about when we were fighting. Petite? Blonde? Best breasts on the Ark? Get it… the twins? I was kidding." He gave Bellamy a long, scrutinising look and then said, like he was diagnosing a deadly disease, "I think you're too serious for your own good, man."
"And you have way too much energy," Bellamy retorted, but in spite of himself he smiled and gave the guy a shove. He had an almost unbelievably easy-going nature… it wasn't hard to like him. And as much as Bellamy might have ignored him today, he'd apparently been happily talking the whole time, and had barely noticed that Bellamy was completely checked out. Maybe he'd be a good friend to have. Aurora was always bugging him about that, how he couldn't just get by being the best cadet academically, but he also had to seem friendly and outgoing- someone people would trust.
So he sized the younger guy up for a long moment and then said, "Actually, let's hang out. Not tonight, I can't. But how about tomorrow?"
"Yeah?" Vaughn asked, brightening. "Cool. You can come to my quarters after training tomorrow."
"Great," Bellamy said, relieved that he hadn't suggested they go to his place. He stood, grabbing his stuff, tossing over his shoulder, "See you tomorrow."
He went straight for one of the quarters Nygel set aside for the meetings she arranged, and it wasn't long before his client arrived. He'd never been with the same woman twice, but that was fine with him- it didn't matter.
Bellamy didn't enjoy these encounters, though his body functioned normally and he was attentive, never turning a client away unhappy. Even when they had unusual desires, he did his best to accommodate them, so he'd done a few things he never would have dreamed of before. He found that with the right stimulation, almost anything could be hot.
A small part of him, fearful and hesitant, wondered whether that was why he'd given in to Octavia's demand that he kiss her. If he wasn't doing this work, would he have been more shockable? Would have been able to resist? Tell her no, that she was just upset and he was sorry, but they couldn't ever do something like that? She was his responsibility, and wasn't that part of it- protecting her? Even from himself, or things she thought she wanted but had no real understanding of? And if he didn't, was he any better than those men? Wasn't he like one of them, working for Nygel, even if it was to put food in his sister's belly?
But that thought was always silenced the second it arose, quashed and shoved away. There was nothing about what he did in this room that could possibly relate to the girl waiting for him at home. Even the idea of it made him sick.
Tonight, though, he found himself challenged by what the woman was asking him to do. Calmly she told him, "I want you to tie me up and rape me."
"What?" he managed, staring at her. "Why?"
"Why?" she repeated, clearly taken aback. "Am I paying you to ask why?"
"Sorry," he said, trying to recover himself. But he really didn't like it as she shoved the soft rope into his hands.
"So here's what we're going to do," she said, shaking away her annoyance, clearly trying to stay in the mood. "I'm going to be in bed sleeping, and you're going to come in from the bathroom- pretend you broke in- and then go from there. Don't stop, even if I tell you to, okay?"
He stared at her for a long moment- he couldn't help but wonder: had somebody hurt her? But he knew he couldn't ask, so he just steeled himself and nodded his head, forcing a smile as he said, "Whatever you want."
Bellamy went into the bathroom, trying to figure out how the hell he was going to do this. He'd have to get into the mind-set of someone like that, but could he? Or more specifically, did he want to find out that he could?
But he knew the answer: he had to.
Waiting until he couldn't hear any movement anymore in the next room, he ventured out of the bathroom quietly, his eyes making out her shape in the darkness. She was naked but for the sheet. Bellamy hadn't thought that far, and he hurriedly pulled off his shirt, leaving his pants on because he figured a rapist wouldn't arrive on a scene stark naked.
Pulling in a deep breath, he just went for it, because he had no choice. He jumped on the bed, straddling her, grabbing the hands that tried to fight him off and pinning them above her head. He pulled the rope from his back pocket as she struggled against him and cried, but he ignored her, tying her wrists to the headboard tightly. He ripped at her bra, yanked her underwear down her writhing legs, shoving her thighs apart with a rough hand.
Even after all that, he was shocked to find he still managed to get hard, and he slid into her easily, even as she twisted her head from side to side, struggling at the ropes, whimpering 'no' and 'stop.' He felt like a monster, disgusting and evil.
He clamped a hand over her mouth and ground out, "Shut up," feeling her get wetter even as tears squeezed from the corners of her eyes and curled down her cheeks. He squeezed his eyes shut, grabbing the headboard with his other hand, thrusting as hard as he could, to finish this quickly.
She came three times before he was finally able to, releasing inside her and then collapsing on top, breathing hard. But he knew he had to complete the show, so he grabbed her neck in his hand and squeezed until her eyes widened in fear, making his face and voice savage as he bit out, "You tell anyone about this, I'll kill you." He heard a tiny, shaky whimper escape her lips.
Bellamy loosened the ropes, and then he went back into the bathroom, leaving the light off, sitting down hard on the closed toilet. He listened as she got up, dressed, and went out the front door, shutting it quietly behind her.
Only then did he drop his head into his hands, curl around himself, and cry.