A.N.: So sorry for the long absence. Life caught up with me for a while, but I am here now. Yay! xD

Anyway on with the show. As always I do not own. If I did Cuddy would still be HBIC of PPTH and Huddy would always be end game.

October 2nd

"You started back to work." Dr. Miller was stating the obvious of course. Cuddy had returned to work after her maternity leave over a week ago, but today it seemed as if she needed some prompting to get her to talking.

Cuddy nodded a little staring down at her hands. Specifically staring at her wedding band. She seemed lost in thought. He could have let her stay that way, but that wasn't his job. His job was to listen, and since he could not hear her thoughts he was going to need her to talk.

"It has been a while since I've seen you." He paused to give her a chance to respond, but of course she didn't, "The baby is doing well? Last I saw you you were still pregnant." Another pause with nothing to come of it. He shook his head and leaned forward with his forearms on his knees, "Lisa you came here for a reason. You need to talk. Talk to me." He was almost pleading now. Lisa Cuddy had been slow to open up at first, only because of her own denial, but they had broken that wall down a long time ago. She had learned to trust him. He was worried about what she was hiding from now.

Cuddy took a deep breath and finally pried her eyes away from the symbol of her union to look up at her therapist, "The baby is great." She took the easiest part on first, "We named him Evan, I'm not sure if I had told you that before or not. He is growing beautifully. No problems even though I didn't carry fully to term. He was viable and healthy. He has my eyes. My hair. Both my children have my hair, but Evan's is not curling like Gwen's. That could all change. Who knows?"

Dr. Miller nodded, "I am glad he is doing so well. How is Gwen handling it?" He assumed that Gwen was far from her problem, but she seemed to want to tackle the easy things first.

This caused a little laugh to come from her, "Gwen is... doing as well as can be expected. She was the only child for so long, but we've all been doing our best to give her equal time and attention. Lucky for her Evan isn't very demanding. He is so quiet unless he needs something. He is content to lay in his crib or just be cuddled. He is not picky either way. He could do with or without our affections, but he never goes without. It is like he lives in his own little world. I think what bothers Gwen most is that he is not interested in playing with her. Obviously he is too young for that, but she still doesn't quite understand no matter how many times we tell her. I think she just wants a reaction from him. A smile when she tickles him or a laugh. Anything. I'm not sure if maybe three months is too young for him to do all that or if he is just extremely unamused with her attempts." She was smiling as she spoke about her children and their dynamics or lack there of. Evan was a mystery to Cuddy. Gwen had been such a happy baby. She smiled and laughed at the drop of the hat. Evan made you work for it. Only Cuddy knew exactly here he was ticklish, and even though it might have been selfish she wasn't sharing her knowledge. She liked that for now she was the only one who could make him smile at her will. She was sure that House had probably already caught on to her little trick, but if he knew he was just letting her have that. Her own special bond with her baby boy.

Dr. Miller nodded and offered her a little smile, "At least she doesn't hate him. She just wants his attention. That is perfectly normal, especially considering how you have always described her as a bit of an attention hog." He chuckled then picked up his pad and pen sitting back in his chair again, "How is House?"

Cuddy's eyes immediately fell to the floor. It was such a broad question, and she really only had one way to answer it, "I have no idea." She felt her chest tighten and she closed her eyes. Four simple words that were killing her. They were the reason why she was here. She was here because she had no possible way of understanding just what had happened to her husband.

Dr. Miller watched her intently giving her a chance to continue if she wanted without his prompting. When she didn't he dove right on in, "Alright, why don't we start with what has changed? You were so happy and hopeful the last time we talked. You had your concerns about his pain, but you seemed to think that he was getting back to his baseline. You thought his baseline was something he could deal with."

Memories of months gone by flooded her. She had been hopeful. Obviously too hopeful. She was happy and content. Where the hell had that gone? Her little worries had turned into big worries escalating far beyond belief, "It was good at first. He didn't take leave with me. I never expected him to. I assumed that since he would be working all day late night crying would be something I would deal with, but every time Evan cried House always seemed to be already up. He would to bed with me at night, but I don't think he was ever really sleeping. House was never much for getting sleep anyway. He naps throughout the day and is up and moving at night. It had just seemed to be a bit more than normal, but I attributed it to him wanting to help with Evan. He was doing so well. He talks to Evan like he is a little adult. I had even heard him singing to him. There was so much love when I saw him looking at our son just like I had seen when he looks at Gwen."

"Everything you are saying is in the past tense. How is it now?" He questioned

She took a deep breath and soldiered on, "He sleeps now, but only because he comes home reeking of alcohol. He won't talk to anyone about it. Not me. Not Wilson. He insists that there is no problem and snaps at anyone who suggests otherwise. It reminds me so much of how he was right after the infarction. I don't see the love in his eyes anymore. All I see now are dilated pupils and a blank stare. I almost prefer the times when I see the anger in them. At least that is an emotion. He has drawn back from me and the kids completely. It has only been a few weeks like this, but it is a few weeks too long." Tears started to gather in her eyes, the whole topic hitting her way too hard, "He doesn't touch me. Not even to sleep beside me and let our shoulders touch. I try to cuddle up to him and he moves away. I don't know how to bridge the gap he has made." The tears finally start to fall when she admits, "It started after I found out he had upped his intake of Vicodin."

At that he raised a questioning eyebrow, "How did you find out?"

Her right hand began to fiddle with the rings on her left, "I found his stash of extra bottles. After I found one in his tennis shoe in the closet I started looking for more. By the end of it I had found twelve bottles in our house alone. I confronted him." Her mind slipped fully into the memory as she spoke with Dr. Miller.

"I told you you didn't have to wait up for me." House smiled and walked over to the couch knowing that the figure sitting alone in the dark was none other than his wife. It had been such a long day. His patient was responding well to treatment now, but it had been touch and go for a while.

When he reached the couch he was surprised to see such a sad look playing on Cuddy's features, but the surprise left him as he followed her gaze to the orange bottles piled high in her lap. He cursed himself for getting so brave as to bring them into their home. It had been reckless and now they would both pay the price, "It isn't as bad as you think."

Her head snapped up to look at him, "How could this possibly not be as bad as what I think? You have been getting regulated prescriptions from Wilson. If I call him will he admit that he has been giving you more? Every last one of these has his name attached, and not a single one was filled at PPTH. Should I call him, House? Will he explain everything?"

"I needed more for emergencies." He was not about to broach the topic of his stealing Wilson's prescription pad.

"This is a lot more than just preparing for a rainy day." Her heart was racing. She knew the truth. She knew he had upped his dosage. Why the hell couldn't he just admit it? She needed to hear the truth from him just once.

"There's nothing wrong, Cuddy. Just lay off." He knew the damage had already been done. The worry was etched all over her face. Worry and pain. He had done that. He had caused that. After all of his careful planning she had found out. He had blown this. It wasn't even Cameron who had let it happen. He had no one to be angry at but himself.

She stood up quickly letting the bottles fall to the floor in a clatter, "Nothing wrong! House! Damn it you have been lying to us all! If your pain was getting worse we should have talked about it. Hell I DID talk to you about it! I wanted to be there for you. Instead you have been hiding in corners popping pills. That is the actions of an addict, House, not just a pain patient as you so often profess to be. This is more than pain. The hiding and the abuse makes you an addict." Tears trailed down her face. He was killing her. The lies were killing her, but she had no idea that her tears were killing him.

The minute he started to feel the effect of her tears on him he started to put up his walls. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't handle her pain or her accusations. She didn't understand. He had never really wanted her to understand. He never wanted her to know, but now it was all out. There was nothing for him to do, "You don't know a damn thing, Cuddy." He basically spat. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. It was so much easier to be angry with her.

Cuddy's eyes grew big as saucers and her tears fell down her cheeks even faster, "Then tell me. Talk to me!" She pleaded, "We got married. For better or for worse, I told you that there was no backing out once we did this. You are supposed to be here forever. I want our forever! Our life! How can we do that if you break down your body with narcotics?" She found herself gripping his biceps as if she was holding on to dear life. She could almost feel the wall he had built up to keep her out. She couldn't understand what the hell he was doing. Why couldn't he just let her in?

House pulled away from her touch and just shook his head, "I told you there was nothing to talk about. There is no problem, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm perfectly healthy so just calm down." He shook his head a little then started off to their bedroom, "It's late. I'm going to get a shower then crawl into bed." With that he just walked off.

She had been dismissed. He was done with the conversation and she couldn't find the strength to go after him. Not right then. He needed time. In time he would have to see that she was there for him. He would have to turn to her, but she knew him better than that. It was easy to delude herself for a moment or two thinking that he would come around, but this was House. Nothing with House was ever easy.

"So he withdrew after you fought?"

She nodded adamantly, "Yes. I shouldn't have pushed him! I knew this would happen! Now he is getting drunk every night. He avoids me like the plague. He is going to get himself killed and it will be all my fault!"

"You know that is not true. We have been through this, Lisa. You are not responsible for his life. He is a grown man."

"He is my husband!" She insisted, "He should have talked to me. We could have looked into other options. I could have supported him."

"Maybe he doesn't want your support." He saw her beginning to object but held up his hand to stop her, "Hear me out. I am not saying that he didn't think he could trust you. I am saying that maybe it made him feel weak. Maybe he wanted to be there for you. He wanted to be strong for you."

"I don't need him to be strong I just need him to be here! How is he going to be here if he destroys himself this way?" She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair, "I miss my husband."

"That is completely normal, but as weird as it is to think about what he is doing is pretty common as well. He caused you pain when you found out he was taking a higher dose. He caused you to worry and made you cry. He is pulling away now hiding from your pain, but because he is hiding he does not see that what he is doing is causing you even more pain. It is a vicious circle. His substance abuse is his way of dealing with what he has done to you. He is medicating not only his own physical pain, but also the pain he caused you."

So much of what he was saying made sense, but she hated every bit of it, "I don't give a dam about common! What I want is for him to be with me through this. We are a family."

"Maybe he isn't ready for that. Maybe he isn't ready to deal."

"WELL TOO DAMN BAD!" She snapped, "Ready or not it is all here. We are all here. He is affecting everyone. Gwen thinks daddy is sick so that is why he comes home and simply goes to bed. That is why he doesn't read or play with her! Will Evan even get to know him!"

"I know it is hard, but all you can really do is be there for him." He tried to soothe.

She shook her head, "I HAVE been there for him. I am always there. I even went back to work to try and be for him there as well, but he avoids me like the plague even more than before. He barely acknowledges me. He is cold. Everyone sees the change. Everyone knows something is wrong."

"So work is hard?"

That made her laugh, "Work is impossible." Her mind wandered briefly to House's current case, but she quickly shut that out. She didn't want to talk about that yet. If she was lucky it wouldn't even be a problem, but again she knew better.

"Our time is up for the day. I hope that talking at least helped you a little. I can't give you the answers you need. I can't fix him."

"I know, but I sure as hell wish I could fix him." With that she got up off the couch, gathered her purse and coat, and made her way out of the office and back to PPTH where an employee and friend lay in wait alongside a cop hoping against everything that the resident genius would find the cure for what was ailing them.