Ryuugazaki: I was going to post this yesteday, but I was out for a while and came back exhausted. So here you go!

Chapter Thirty-Seven
(Monday, 9 November 2015 – 5:40pm, Detroit, Michigan)

Yuri's event starts on Friday. He's let his professors know that he'd be out until next week. He wrote down all the things he needed to do before he left in his journal. So far, he has to: see Luzia and Noêmia, pack his medicine, pack his clothes, equipment, and costumes, and figure out what he's going to tell Victor. Phichit has been helping out when he can, but he doesn't want to disturb him when he's working. Their room was in an uproar and Yuri couldn't control any of it. The packing soon started to trigger his anxiety. So much so that he started crying.

Phichit came into the room and sat across from Yuri. "Do you need help with packing?" Yuri didn't say anything between his sobs. "I'll help you pack your clothes. I'll leave you to your medicine." Phichit silently took out underclothes for Yuri, folded them, and lovingly put them into his suitcase. Once Yuri stopped crying, he got up and started to sort his medicine. "Are you feeling better now?" Phichit stopped folding and looked at Yuri. He was nodding. "You're not going to talk very much for the rest of the night, are you?" Yuri shrugged. "Hm," Phichit said and resumed folding and packing. Once Phichit was done with Yuri's underclothes, he went on to his regular clothes – his shirts, pants, and things.

"You don't need to help me," Yuri muttered. Phichit turned to face him and looked.

"You need me to help you," Phichit said. "If me helping you means that your meltdowns will stop, I'll help you." Phichit folded the shirt in his hands. "I don't mind helping you."

"I don't want you to baby me," Yuri said. He put the cap back on his Lexapro and Zyprexa.

"I'm not babying you." Yuri looked up at Phichit from his seat. "How often must I say that I do this because you're my friend and I care for you?" Phichit placed the shirt in his suitcase and reached for another one. "I'm going to do this for you, ma poupée." Phichit looked for pants. "How many pairs of pants do you want and what texture are you hoping for?"

"I'll pick out my pants," Yuri mumbled. Phichit nodded and went to get socks for Yuri.

"How many pairs of shoes are you going to bring with you?"

"I don't know."

"Are you going to wear your Docs?" Yuri nodded. "Okay, I'll set aside your Docs." Yuri was silent. "Are you going to wear your sneakers?" Yuri nodded. "I'll set aside your sneakers, too."

"Thank you."

"Are you going to see Luzia and Noêmia tomorrow?" Yuri nodded. "Are you going to wear your sneakers?"

"Docs." Phichit nodded.

"Do you need me to pick out your clothes for tomorrow?" Phichit asked. Yuri was silent. "I'll pick out your clothes for tomorrow." Phichit went into the closet and took out a hoodie. "This is your Cuckoo and Azaleas hoodie. Do you want to wear that?" Yuri nodded. "Okay. I'll set that aside." Phichit took out a turtleneck. "It's supposed to be cold tomorrow. Wear this." He held it in front of Yuri. He nodded. Phichit went back to Yuri's drawer and took out a pair of harem pants. They're the apricot colored pair with koi fish and almond blossoms on them. "These pants are warmer than your other ones. Wear these." Yuri nodded. Phichit took out a pair of thick socks for Yuri. "Don't forget to wear a hat and scarf tomorrow." Yuri nodded again. "Are your gloves in your coat pocket?"

"Yes, mon canard," Yuri said.

"Good." Phichit sat at the head of Yuri's bed. Yuri looked at his medicines and at his hands. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Yeah." Phichit awaited Yuri's response. He wasn't very pleased with it when he realized that he said "throw me out the window."

"I'm not doing that," Phichit insisted. "What's bothering you?" Yuri shrugged. "You don't randomly start crying, rocking, and hyperventilating for no reason," Phichit said. Then he realized what he said. "Well, you do. But that wasn't a panic attack. That was a meltdown." Phichit zipped up Yuri's suitcase and placed it in the corner. "And your meltdowns usually result from internal and/or external overstimulation. And you've been inside all day. So what's bothering you?"

"I don't know," Yuri said. He got up to put his medicine in the zip-up pouch. "I guess I'm thinking of Victor right now. Why? I don't know, but I do think that he's going to be curious about why I'm not coming to class." Yuri sat on the floor again. "Which is a rather minute thing to have an entire meltdown over."

"You're right. It is small." Yuri laid on the floor and placed his right ankle on his left knee. "Just tell him that you had to go out of town. Short and sweet."

"You don't understand, though," Yuri whined. "He asks questions. A lot of questions. What do I say when I'm questioned?"

"Personal business." Yuri nodded.

"And if he sees me competing?"

"It's still personal business," Phichit justified. "Also, even if you could tell him everything, don't you think it's kind of late for that? The season has long since begun." Yuri looked at Phichit. What is Phichit trying to say here? Yuri didn't ask him to elaborate or anything. He's still ruminating on what he said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"What you just said."

"All I'm trying to say is that if he asks, you say 'personal business.' And if he asks why you were participating in an event, you still say 'personal business.'" Yuri rolled his eyes. "Is my advice not helpful enough?"

"Honestly? No, but I take what I can get." Phichit threw Yuri's pillow at him. It landed on his face. "Good. Now suffocate me."

"Yuri, no," Phichit said.

"Phichit, yes."

"How many times must I tell you that you can't ask people to kill you when you're in your feelings?" Yuri shrugged. "Get off the floor now."

"Okay." Yuri sat up. He gave his pillow back to Phichit and Phichit placed it back at the head of the bed. "Are we still going out to dinner with the team tomorrow?" Yuri asked.

"I had forgotten that we all agreed to go out," Phichit said. "I'll pick our clothes out. You can wear what you wore for your date with Victor." Phichit went back to the closet and found Yuri's date clothes. "What do you have in your shirt pocket?" Phichit took the object out of Yuri's shirt pocket and gave it to Yuri. "Open it." Yuri opened it and quickly glanced over it. He was able to make out "Neruda" and "fire" in the poem. Then he looked at the bottom of the paper. His eyes were drawn to the words "you're soft" on the bottom.

"Victor must've snuck a note into my pocket." Phichit made a face. "Yes, Phichit?" Yuri asked.

"How did he get close enough to slip a note into your shirt pocket?" Phichit asked. He looked to be bothered by something.

"We, uh…" Yuri felt his face heat up and his insides tingle. Yuri thought about how Victor had him in his arms and whispered things in his ear. Phichit got on the floor and sat across from Yuri and looked him dead in the eyes. "I don't know how to put this." Phichit didn't break eye contact and moved closer to Yuri.

"And nothing happened, huh," Phichit said.

"Nothing happened!" Yuri exclaimed. And aside from that, nothing happened. "Really! Nothing happened except for what I said happened." Phichit was unfazed.

"Pinky swear and tell me that nothing happened." Yuri held up his pinky and so did Phichit. They locked pinkies. "Good. If I find out that something more happened, I'm shaving your head," Phichit said and got up. He went back to the closet.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing, lapinou," Phichit looked through the closet for something to wear. "I'm stumped on what to wear. Message Camille and ask them what the dress code is like."

"Sure."

: Hey Camille. It's Yuri.
Camille: Oh hey. What's up?
: Phichit wants to know if formal clothes are preferred for tomorrow night.
Camille: Y'all can wear formal clothes if you want.
Camille: Just bring yourselves and wear clothes.
Camille: That's all I want.
: Thanks, Camille. See you tomorrow.
Camille: No problem.

"What did Camille say?"

"Wear clothes." Phichit deadpanned. "They also said 'wear formal clothes if you want,' but they really stressed 'wear clothes.'" Phichit nodded and went back to work. He chose a sangria colored shirt and black dress pants.

"What do you think about this?" Phichit asked. Yuri nodded. "Are you nodding because you actually like it or are you nodding because you want me to leave you alone?"

"I like it," Yuri said. He got up and picked up Crime and Punishment. He likes it and wants to continue reading it. Yuri's phone buzzed. Yuri looked at his phone; it's just Victor. Yuri felt himself sweat a bit.

Victor: I miss you so much right now.

"Aren't you going to respond?" Phichit asked as he got his dress shoes out of the closet.

"It's not important, really," Yuri insisted. "Plus, you should get back to doing your homework. I'll iron our clothes later." Yuri tried to keep his focus on his book, but his insides felt like they were tingling.

Victor: So, about doing that again. I'm up for it.

"I know you'll iron our clothes, but don't you want to text Victor back?"

"Not really," Yuri muttered. Phichit shrugged and left their bedroom. Yuri couldn't focus on Crime and Punishment. So he went to his bookbag and took out the book Victor gave him. Victor said that he had a surprise for him and Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair was the gift. Victor said that he'd really like it and that he wants to know what Yuri thinks of it when Yuri starts to read it.

Well, Twenty Love Poems were part of it. The other part was more immaterial and more suggestive.

Yuri looked at the book as he wrote in his journal and ate Boy Bawang cornicks. After he finished writing, he opened the book and read the first lines of the second poem. "My rough peasant's body digs in you and makes the son leap from the depths of the earth." Yuri muttered. "But the hour of vengeance falls, and I love you. Body of skin, of moss, of eager and firm milk." Yuri kept reading. Then he closed the book. "That was intense," Yuri thought. He went back to writing in his journal. He's writing about what he thinks of Victor's arms and how it was to have them around him. "Maybe I should text him back," Yuri mused.

Victor: wyd rn?

"Oh, something normal," Yuri thought, gladly.

: I'm picking out my clothes for this dinner tomorrow.

Yuri closed his journal again. He can't bear to look at what he just wrote. It's going to be hell when he goes to therapy tomorrow and he has to tell Luzia about his date. How is he supposed to tell his therapist about this? Yuri is pretty bad at talking about important subjects.

Then his phone started ringing. It's Victor. "Hello?" Yuri said.

"Hey солнышко," Victor said. "How's finding clothes going?"

"Pretty well. I already know what I'm going to wear." Yuri grabbed his sketchbook and opened it. He has a myriad of new phrases to write in there. The phrases occasionally serve as art prompts; other times, Yuri just likes the phrase so much that he wants to remember it.

"I bet you'll look great." Yuri could hear Victor's smile through the phone. Then he was suddenly struck with the mood to draw. He felt like arms and chests would be the perfect thing to draw right now. That's all he could think about right now.

"How are you?" Yuri asked. He opened his sketchbook and started sketching.

"I'm fine," Victor said. "What's this dinner you're going to for?"

"It's a friend's birthday tomorrow." Victor made an inquisitive sound. "They've been planning this for months and they really want us there."

"Us?"

"My roommate and I," Yuri elaborated. "Camille is really excited for tomorrow." Yuri reached for his eraser and decided to clean up some stray lines.

"Is that your friend's name? Camille?"

"Well, they haven't told us what they want to be called yet. So, until they tell us what they want to be called, Camille said that we can continue using Camille." Yuri smiled.

Camille: I have an announcement for everyone tomorrow.

"And do you like Camille?" He's known Camille since they started questioning their identity and Yuri's been a silent constant in their life. Why wouldn't he like Camille? They haven't done anything to him and they're always a lovely person.

"Why wouldn't I?" Yuri asked. "They're my friend and I care for them deeply." Something rubbed against Victor's phone.

"I see." Yuri nodded. "Well, I hope Camille's birthday dinner goes well and that Camille's birthday is excellent." Yuri smiled.

"I'll be sure to tell Camille that," Yuri said.

: I can't wait for your announcement.
: Also, my friend wishes you an excellent birthday.
Camille: I'd tell you my news now, but I want it to be a surprise!
Camille: And tell them that I say "thank you"!
: I understand. Don't worry about it.

"How old is Camille going to be?"

"21," Yuri said. "But enough about Camille. What are you doing right now?"

"I'm reading Zami: A New Spelling of My Name. It's an autobiography by Audre Lorde." Yuri nodded. "Someone had suggested that I read it after I had to read an excerpt from an Audre Lorde essay," Victor said. "I don't know how they got the idea that I would like to read about the life of a Caribbean lesbian, but they knew and they were right." Yuri chuckled.

"I'm glad you're enjoying the book."

"Speaking of books, have you started reading the book I gave you?"

"I have."

"And?"

"I had to stop after the first poem. It made me sweat," Yuri admitted. Victor muffled his laughs. "I don't know if I will be able to continue reading if I'm going to keep sweating like that." Victor laughed harder. "This is not amusing."

"If just reading something mildly suggestive makes you sweat, you're going to have a rough time with me," Victor said. "How was that for your personal introduction to Neruda?"

"I like it," Yuri said. "It was nice."

"Good. I'm glad you like it." Victor was beaming through the phone. "How do you feel?" Victor asked.

"I feel warm," Yuri muttered. "What about you?"

"Warm," Victor said. "How's your roommate?"

"He's fine." Yuri continued drawing. Then he scratched his chest. "How's Christophe?" Yuri asked.

"Chris is Chris, as usual," Victor said. Yuri stopped drawing and opened his journal again. He's trying to just continue writing and stay away from what he had just written. "I had just gotten off the phone with him. He wanted to tell me about this disagreement he had with his partner about chocolate ice cream."

"Over chocolate ice cream? Really?"

"Yeah. His partner thinks chocolate ice cream is gross and that ruined Chris," Victor said. "Let's get this out of the way now: How do you feel about chocolate ice cream?"

"I love chocolate," Yuri said. "Do you?"

"Well, I, unlike Chris' partner, will definitely eat chocolate ice cream," Victor said. Yuri's phone buzzed. Phichit is texting him.

Phichit: Okay, I finished my essay draft. Can you look over it?
: Sure. Share it with me.
Phichit: Nice ((heart with arrow emoji))

Phichit shared his essay with Yuri and Yuri looked at it. He has to hang up now; Victor is only going to be a distraction if he keeps talking to him when he's trying to help Phichit. "Hey, Victor," Yuri said. "I have to do something really important right now and I need to hang up."

"Okay," Victor said.

"Just text me if you want me."

"Then I'll be texting you forever." Victor chuckled. "I'll let you get to your work. Пока, солнышко."

"Yeah, that." Yuri hung up and got to work on Phichit's essay. The essay, as a whole, was fine, but there were a few areas that were too ambiguous that needed to be fixed or gotten rid of. Other than that, the essay was fine, the wording was strong, and Phichit's voice was clear.

But Yuri couldn't get his mind off of Victor.

Ryuugazaki: Eleven pages ((jazz hands))