The Duke and the Fledgling

by Draco Regno-DragonKingdom

After Ciel become's a demon, he and Sebastian's odd relationship is destroyed. Ciel spends his days thinking of ways to fix the situation. What he finds out is that the contract is invalid. After realizing this, he releases Sebastian. But the elder demon decides not to leave this defenseless fledgling on his own.

37. -Hope-

I've been working on the next chapter for months. Months and all I have written are a few poorly written paragraphs.

To tell you the truth I lost my love for this story. For this fandom. In my time away from the keyboard and the pen I tried to figure out why. Why I had come t hate another story that I had started with such high hopes and ambition.

I attempted a comeback, which saw absolutely no progress. I promised news but delivered nothing. I hated my writing, I hated my story, I hated the characters.

But why? What had thrown me from my path? It started with the ending; I announced somewhat off-handedly, ha is that even a word?, that this story was going to be a tragic one. I accepted the rebuffs from readers the advice from those that gave it and I came to agree with a statement I had heard: that ending didn't quite fit with the story I was telling. So I scrapped it. Shifted it attempted to repaint it. Because I wanted it to be big and dramatic and... that didn't fit either. I scrapped endless amounts of backstory that I wanted to use to flesh out my world. I began to turn against my writing style, calling it out as juvenile, childish, empty, lacking in some unnameable respect. I questioned my "talent" my "skills". I had to be better, this was mine. My one thing. I'm the writer.

In the background up to this point, I had already lost everything else that was "mine". All I had left was this.

Now, what happens when the writer can write no more? When they cannot even bear to look at a pen and paper or contemplate a keyboard?

I collapsed.

A depression that I had been fighting hard, so tirelessly hard against engulfed me. En-gulf-ed-me. Time lost meaning. Food seemed like an empty effort. My bedroom was a prison I could leave freely. What was the point? I asked. I had no desires, no wants. nothing to ground me. I had completely lost my sense of self. A madness I hadn't been aware of made itself known. I studied it, reflected on it and decided to use it as a tool. It became my friend. My friends technically. I tried to sculpt something with the help of my new companions. They helped give me new perspectives. Which helped me in my search.

I found something I'd lost. So I've decided to try to write again. I don't want this story to die. I have a tale to tell, and I've been trying to tell it for too many years now. But I'm not just a writer now. I'm a storyteller. I can't promise that you'll be impressed. I can't promise that you'll be pleased. I can't promise many things. Every promise I made I broke, for one reason or another. There's only one thing I can be promise you. One thing completely within my control.

I will finish The Duke and The Fledgling.

Just don't have any other expectations. Ha, if only it were that easy.