Disclaimer: I don't own anything except my college debt and my hubby is no edward's heart.
This world and these characters belong to the fabulo Steph Meyer—I'm just borrowing them for my own writing pleasure.
*Thank you to Pinkkate123 over at IMDB for the song rec on this chapter. :-) Thanks, bb.
"Some people laugh, and some people cry
Some people live, and some people die
Some people run, right into the fire
Some people hide, their every desire
But we are the lovers
If you don't believe me
Then just look into my eyes
Cause the heart never lies
Some people fight, and some people fall
Others pretend, they don't care at all
If you wanna fight, I'll stand right beside you
The day that you fall, I'll be right behind you
To pick up the pieces
If you don't believe me
Just look into my eyes
Cause the heart never lies."
--The Heart Never Lies by McFly
Chapter 37: Confrontation
I stared at the open doorway where Jacob stood a moment ago, as my mind tried to make sense of the events that just took place. What exactly had I done? I slept with Jacob—gave all of myself to him when I was still completely unsure of what our future held. I pulled the sheet further around me as I bit down on my bottom lip and scanned my eyes across the room where we just made love. The bed was in disarray, my clothing scattered in various places. My mind automatically began to reflect back to the way his body made me feel—the fire of his touch and the comfort of his embrace. Even though I knew it was wrong, that it was done for all the wrong reasons, I couldn't bring myself to regret it. I loved him. My chest was tightening around my heart under the weight of what those three little words meant to me. I could feel how very true and deep they ran within in me, through every last inch of my bones. I loved him…so much. And, I needed to go find him before he did something stupid.
I quickly snapped out of my reflections and darted around the room, gathering up my clothing so I could get dressed. I made a quick stop to the bathroom, feeling the remnants of my painful first time with every step that I took. I got dressed, splashed some cold water over my face, and ran out of the bathroom sooner than I had run in. I knew where Jacob was going—"to claim what's mine" could only mean one thing. He was going to find Edward. As I climbed into my old truck and headed toward the one place I'd knew I'd find them both, I hoped they would have enough sense not kill each other before I could stop them.
I cut my truck's roaring engine outside of the Cullen house and quickly skimmed my eyes around the premises for any sign of Jacob or Edward. Nothing. The house seemed just as lonely and desolate as it has always been. Panic began to settle into my system as I came to the harsh realization that I might not find them—that they could be fighting at this very instant and I would have no way of knowing. If anything happened to either one of them it would be all my fault.
My legs and hands continued on against my will, opening my truck door—my feet hitting the gravel before I even realized what I was doing. The next thing I knew, I was walking up the steps onto the porch, my mind reminding me of the one of the last times I was here—assaulting me with pictures of time not too long ago when my desperation to find Edward again had reached its peak and I had needed to prove my insanities false. I was just about to knock on the door, when it slowly opened, Edward stepping outside to join me a moment later. He looked more than a little surprised to find me standing on his porch and seemingly out of nowhere I was hit with a wave of intense guilt—my quasi betrayal tainting the air around us.
"Bella?" he asked, his brow creasing in confusion, his hand reaching out to gently graze against my cheek. "What's wrong? Where were you? I went to your house after school but you--"
My movements cut him off mid sentence because I couldn't stop myself from flinching under his touch and backing a few inches away. He looked hurt and even more confused, but I couldn't help it—it felt all wrong to be touched by him so intimately after what I had just experienced with Jacob. That's when it hit me. Jacob must not have found him yet? Or maybe he wasn't coming here at all? I couldn't be sure, but I hoped it was true.
"I uh…you haven't seen Jacob have you?" I asked, quietly, lowering my eyes to the wooden planks. I couldn't stand to look at him anymore—my shame getting the best of me. It wasn't like I regretted sleeping with Jacob, I didn't regret giving him every part of me, but I did regret hurting Edward. I regretted my timing, the circumstances, the lust and desperation that drove me into Jacob's arms.
"No…" he replied in bewilderment, his voice slightly trailing off. "Why do you ask?"
I raised my eyes to meet his again and opened my mouth to answer him, but was interrupted by Edward's sudden tension, his jaw instantly locking and clenching, his eyes turning darker.
"That's why," he said in instant recognition, his voice turning cold and acidic. "Jacob's coming here to threaten me," he continued in what sounded like amusement. Jacob was obviously on his way.
"Edward, please just don't…" I lost my voice, my train of thought escaping, and I was unable to find the words that I needed to say. Please just don't what? Don't…hurt him? Don't…fight with him? Don't…love me anymore? I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that I needed from him.
I didn't get the chance to finish, because Edward was already walking down the steps of the porch to meet Jacob in the middle. I slowly turned around to find that Jacob was walking toward us in his human form—his eyes were fierce, his stride arrogant. Don't ask me why, but I guess I half expected him to show up as a wolf, so I was a little surprised by his appearance.
It took a moment for my brain to catch up with my body, but I quickly followed behind Edward, his footsteps mirroring Jacob's--both of them face to face—getting closer and closer--the tension between them evident and growing with each step they took.
Jacob's eyes shifted from Edward's to briefly lock on mine. I caught a glimpse of anger and frustration there before he focused all of his attention back on Edward. It wasn't long before they were standing in the middle of the roadway, only a foot apart. I approached them, unsure of which of them to reach out to—to which did I belong? Edward held his arm out in front of me, blocking me from walking any farther, obviously trying to hold me back from Jacob.
"Jacob Black." Edward spoke first, his voice bordering on amusement, a cocky smirk played out on his lips. "I do believe you're looking for me?"
"Bella," Jacob addressed me, ignoring Edward entirely. "You belong over here with me."
He tried to reach out and grab my hand, but Edward growled and stepped farther in front of me, blocking him from my view. "Don't touch her," Edward threatened. He sounded truly frightening.
"Edward--" I started to argue, fearful of the events that were about to ensue.
"Excuse me?" Jacob asked interrupting me, the volume of his voice rising in anger as he took a step closer to Edward so they were now only inches apart, both of them staring each other down. "I'll touch her whenever I damn well please, she is my girlfriend now, not yours."
"You're angry," Edward replied, unaffected by Jacob's threats. "I can't let you near her when you could hurt her."
"When I could hurt her?" Jacob retorted, letting out a quick and bitter chortle. "Are you serious right now? Do you have any idea what you're saying?"
I could see him getting tenser with every word he spoke; every single muscle in his body was alert and contracting. "I would never hurt her," he continued, his voice intense and filled with fury. "Never. Not the way that you did. You're the one that she needs protected from. Not me. You're the one that broke her heart and crushed her spirit. Not me."
Edward visibly flinched, but collected himself immediately. "I messed up and I'm prepared to deal with the consequences of those mistakes," he said, his voice still polite, but laced with authority. "I know there's no excuse for what I did to Bella, Jacob, but that doesn't mean I'm not here now. That doesn't mean I'm not going to fight for her now—she asked me to stay, so I'm here. I'm staying. I'm fighting. I'm not leaving unless that's what she wants."
"It is what she wants," Jacob nearly growled.
"Oh yeah?" Edward asked sarcastically. "And what makes you so sure?"
Jacob didn't speak a word. Rather, he stood up taller, leaned in a centimeter closer and stared into Edward's eyes with an adamant expression I couldn't quite place. There was a short moment of silence, and I could feel my heart rate increase simultaneously with the charged energy surrounding us. "That's what makes me so sure," Jacob eventually said, full of confidence.
"What did you do to her?" Edward suddenly hissed, and he appeared to be absolutely fuming now--his rage and fury suddenly taking on a whole new level. I was frightened for Jacob's life, frightened for what Edward was going to do. I'd never known him to be violent, had never expected to be fearful of him, but in that moment I have never seen him so livid, and I was terrified. What did Jacob do to me? I was confused; my panicked glances were shifting between the two of them, trying to figure out what silent exchange they shared.
"Something you never could," Jacob replied, his voice just as fierce. "Now c'mon, Bella," he continued, stepping over toward me and reaching out to grab my arm, never once taking his eyes off Edward. Edward was faster than he was, though. The next thing I knew, I heard a menacing growl as Edward flung himself between Jacob and me, reaching out to push him out of the way. Jacob shot back, instantly stooping down into a crouch, Edward automatically mimicking his stance. They were face to face again, both of them practically snarling—all of their humanity lost. Jacob's body was quivering with rage and I thought for sure he was going to combust and phase at any moment. That's when it hit me. The reason they were fighting—the silent exchange they had shared. Jacob's thoughts. He was recalling the passion that we shared just hours before. Oh my God.
"Jacob! Edward! Please stop," I yelled as I hurriedly flung myself between them, my back facing Jacob and blocking him from Edward's view. Edward focused his attention on me then, his eyes meeting mine and softening—changing to reflect a different kind of emotion. Hurt. Betrayal. I have never seen him so overcome in all my life and I had never hated myself more than I did in that moment. A wave of nausea overtook me as I tried to digest the pain I had just caused him—the torture that Jacob's thoughts had inflicted. With Edward's tormented eyes steadily holding my stare, I had forgotten about everything else going on around us. I had forgotten about Jacob, about their fight. I was only aware of my guilt.
"Edward…" I whispered, reaching out to take his hand, but he pulled away from me. I knew I deserved the rejection.
His eyes were narrowed, his brow furrowed in confusion. "How…could you?" he asked, and it wasn't a conviction, rather it was a genuine question—a genuine misunderstanding surrounding the capability of my actions.
"I…I don't know. I'm sorry, I just--"
"She loves me," Jacob interrupted, answering the question for me as he stepped around to join me at my side while reminding me of his presence there. "Why can't you see that?"
"Jacob, please," I managed to say, pulling my eyes away from Edward to face him—taking his hand into mine. "Don't do this," I begged. I hated being put in the position of having to choose sides. I loved them both. I cared about them both. I didn't want to hurt them anymore, and this clearly wasn't going to solve anything. It was only making everything worse.
Jacob looked at me again, his eyes softening around the edges, his tension slightly relaxing. "I'm sorry," he nearly whispered, his hand reaching out and lovingly tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "But, I've had enough. Everything was perfect between us before he showed up, and I'm sick and tired of him getting the best of you. He doesn't get to take any more of you away from me. He doesn't get to cause you any more pain. I won't let him. You belong with me--not him, Bella. Me."
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to gain the strength to speak again. "Please," I whispered, feeling tears start to force their way out of my eyes, but somehow I managed to hold them back. "Not right now. He's hurting enough already."
He studied my expression for a moment and I could see that he was having an internal battle in his mind. "Fine," he eventually said, sighing in frustration. "I'll go now, but you're coming with me."
"No, Jake," I said, tightening my grip on his hand. "Please, I just I need some time alone with Edward. I owe him an apology."
At the mention of Edward's name, I reflexively glanced over in his direction to find that he was no longer standing with us, rather his back was facing us and he was heading back to his house. My first instinct was to let go of Jacob's hand and run after him, but when I looked back at Jacob, his eyes were already narrowed and I knew that would've been a bad idea.
"I think I've been far too understanding," he replied. "I already gave you time with Edward. I don't have any more of it left to give."
I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to stop me.
"Just listen," he said. "If you want to be with me, then…God, Bella, just be with me already. Why is that so hard to do?"
"You know there's more to it than that," I said quietly, taking my hand from his and crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"There shouldn't be," he retorted, his voice losing some of its softness. "I love you," he suddenly said, taking my face in between his hands, looking straight into my eyes. "You know how much that's true. And, you know I'd do anything for you. But, I need you to know something else…"
"I'm here now," he continued, dropping my face from his hands and taking a single step back from me. "I've always been here…waiting around for you, practically going crazy at the thought of all the things you may or may not have been doing with Edward. And, now I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, but I can promise you that if you go crawling back into his arms after what we shared today, I won't be here tomorrow."
"Please don't say that," I replied quietly, my eyes filling with tears at the thought of losing him.
"What else am I supposed to do?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. I could see the defeat in his eyes--could tell that he was completely spent with nothing left to give.
I had no answer for him, because I knew he was right. What else did I expect him to say? I knew I couldn't keep carrying his heart on a string, pulling him around whichever way I pleased. I knew my time was up—my decision had to be made. But how? How was I supposed to let one of them go?
"I don't know," I eventually choked out. "I don't know what the right choice is. Just please, I'm begging you not to leave me. Please, Jacob."
He stared at me for a moment, studying the agonized expression on my face before he caved in. "Hey, c'mon now" he said, his anger slightly faltering as he took me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. "You know I can't stand to see you cry."
I wrapped my arms more firmly around him, practically clinging to him for dear life. "I'm sorry," I said, my tears flowing more freely now against his bare chest. "I don't expect you to wait around for me any longer, but I just…I'm still so unsure of everything, I don't know what to do, but I can't stand the thought of losing you."
"I think you already know what your decision is," he said, pulling out of our embrace so he could look at me again. "You're just too afraid to go through with it."
I diverted my eyes to the ground and wiped my tears away. Was he right? Did I already know the answer? My mind began to think back, as I relived the last few days, imagining the time I spent with Edward and the way that he made me feel. I couldn't help but to realize that even though he was by my side, I was still yearning for Jacob. Did that mean that Jacob was my choice? I'd gone to his house today for comfort, my body trying to tell me what I had needed—my heart trying to convince me that he was the only one who could fill my void. Was Jacob right? Had I known all along, but refused to acknowledge it? Did I just refuse to give into what my heart had been telling me the entire time because then it would mean I would have to say goodbye to the one person that I wasn't ready to live without again?
I nodded my head in light of my contemplations. I was beginning to realize my decision—to realize that my choice was already made, but I couldn't seem to find the words to speak.
"I'll leave now," Jacob said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "You can go do what you have to do, make your decision, speak with Edward, whatever you need. But, come tomorrow I want you to meet me at our special place—the heart shaped inlet along La Push beach where you first confessed your love for me. I'll be there around noon. I'll be waiting for you—for your decision. Either way. Whatever you decide, I'll be waiting."
He stopped for a moment, and I thought that he might say something else, but he never did. His expression was masked with confliction as he leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my forehead before turning around and running off toward the woods, pausing only once to look back at what he could possibly be leaving behind forever.
"Jake wait," I yelled when he was out of sight, trying to stop him, not ready to let him leave just yet. I felt like there were so many things that I needed him to know—so many things that I needed to share with him. But, it was too late. He was already gone.
I tried to wrap my mind around everything that he had said—around everything that had happened over the past few days—around everything that I was feeling. I had put both Jacob and Edward through pure hell and it was time to put the constant battle of tug of war to an end. I knew what I needed to do—the person that I was going to hurt. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the huge hurdle that I was about to climb. Slowly, I turned to face the house where Edward retreated to moments ago. With one foot in front of the other, I began to make my way toward the one place that would eventually set me free. Even if it meant that I was going to kill us both in the process…it was time to say goodbye. It was time to move on. It was time to start again.
A/N: So sorry for the delay. I'm so F.A.I.L. at life right now.
Seriously, grad school is kicking my ass!
First of all, I want to apologize if I didn't reply to your review of Ch 36—I was in a wedding that weekend and life was crazy! I promise to try harder to reply next time!
If you haven't yet done so, please head over and check out my newest endeavor titled "Corner Coffee Shop." I decided to convert my original fic into a fan fic for reasons that are still unknown to me. I'm really excited about it and I hope that you will be too! Go read it. Review it.
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https://twitter[dot]com/Christina2227 --- while you're at it might as while tweet with my sexy wife, too. She doesn't bite…much.
Thanks to my fabulous betas—C and ReLeeS—I love them both dearly!
And finally, to answer your questions…there is only one chapter left to this story and an Epilogue. *tear* Thanks for sticking with me and I hope you'll like the way things turn out!