A/N: For some reason, I'm really in love with this chapter. We see some Logan/Sage, and I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you thought of it :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, but I do own Sage and Elliot.

Take a look: Surfergal23's amazing Kendall/OC story, Hooked. It's lovely and dark :)

And remember to give Something to Sleep to by so-complicated a look too! :) It's just starting, but it's going to be fantastic :)

On with PTS! :D Please, enjoy and review :)

-waterwicca

CHAPTER 37: BIG TIME BABY STEPS

"I hate when he makes us do this," James crossed his arms, let out a huff, and stared at a tinted image through his sunglasses of Carlos sulking in the pool.

The younger boy had his chin resting on an inflatable tube, his hands gripping it tightly as he bobbed in the water and looked back up at James, who was on one of the lounge chairs. He only wore a pair of orange swim trunks. He originally had the intention of tanning, but he couldn't enjoy the sun like he normally would have a month ago. His heart wasn't in it, even if it meant not maintaining his already flawless appearance.

"It never gets any easier," James added with a sigh, furiously scratching at an itch on his collar bone that Carlos was sure didn't exist anywhere other than in his mind because of his obvious agitation.

"It's easier on us than it is on Kendall," Carlos commented thoughtfully. Although he tried to sound helpful, his uncomfortable tone told them both that he was upset too. James tilted his head slowly, his lips in a tight line as a form of silent but reluctant agreement. His shoulders slouched, but his arms and legs remained crossed as he and Carlos both gazed up at the window to their apartment longingly.

It had been two weeks since the therapy for Sage started with Logan and the rest of them, and she had been responding very well. Her threshold was getting higher, becoming more tolerant of Carlos' close proximity every time he prepared to make planned contact with her. He was able to wrap his hand securely around her wrist for a fully thirty seconds now before she got fidgety and had difficulty coping unless she spelled or talked it out. She still had to work on the constant feeling of being trapped and victimized. Progress was slow, but all that mattered was that she was becoming more adept at dealing with her nerves instead of letting them control her. With practice, things were much easier with Carlos, who was the only person other than Kendall to touch her so far in the therapy sessions.

Sage was also handling being alone better than Logan could have hoped. She didn't protest or seem terribly upset to the point of Kendall thinking that he absolutely needed to stay anymore. They went to the studio to work with Gustavo and Kelly, and Sage remained home in the apartment. Actually getting out of it, and being around strangers, would have to be approached later. For now, she was still getting used to feeling comfortable by herself without Kendall. She was learning to form her own way of living and having relationships, which included Camille a few days a week when the boys were out. The young actress, without any provocation, made it a point to spend time with Sage. They enjoyed each other's company, quickly forming a close friendship that wasn't built on the angst that had consumed Sage's life. Camille was an innocent girl with a bright personality, but she wasn't naïve. She could tell that something else was going on with her new friend other than agoraphobia, but she never pried. Her easygoingness was one of her best qualities, and she knew that she'd understand more as time continued and Sage opened up.

Time was the most important factor lately. Sage needed time to adjust. They were trying to lengthen the amount of time she could handle having Carlos touch her. It was often guesswork when it came to determining how much time she could stay asleep without a nightmare ruining the peace, and now Logan was attempting to make any free time they had useful; trying to help everyone and not just Sage.

For the past month of her being there, the boys rarely left the apartment unless it was necessary. It was becoming unhealthy for them and Sage. They were beginning to rely on her presence just as much as she was theirs. Distance was key, and Logan was being responsible and enforcing it. Multiple times a week, he'd try to leave the apartment for recreation and forced James and Carlos to do it too. Kendall was a little harder to push, but he was willing to comply if it meant doing what was best for his family.

"It feels wrong not being up there when we know she's going to be upset," Carlos commented, speaking what they both felt aloud. James nodded solemnly and removed his sunglasses from his eyes, shifting them to the top of his head so that they nestled in his brown hair.

Sage was currently having a therapy session with Logan. During those times, the five of them were usually together; taking the tears and anguish as a team. Now it was just Sage and her "therapist" for a little while after Logan insisted it would be good for them all.

"It's like we're abandoning her," James pouted. His hazel eyes still lingered on the window to the apartment. There was nothing he could see, but he kept feeling like he'd miss something if he didn't look; like he'd be able to stop the negative feelings Sage was surely having beyond the pane of glass if he stared at it hard enough.

Carlos seemed to have a similar idea, hardly looking at James because his eyes were glued to the second floor, but he was handling it a bit better. He was the first to break the trance and stare at the water he swam in instead. He had gotten pretty good at taking everything in stride.

"We should go back up," James declared loudly. He scooted down to the edge of his lounge chair closest to the pool, planting his feet on the smooth cement beneath him while Carlos laughed lightly and rolled his eyes.

"First of all, that's the fourth time you've said that," he settled into a smirk and swam over to the side of the pool, only leaving a yard or two between him and his friend. "Second of all, you know Logie's just gonna give us the boot if we do go up there… It's only been twenty minutes…" he reminded James, frowning when the boy's eyes widened.

"That's it?" he yelled in frustration, whining and throwing his hands in the air. They fell heavily as his body went limp and he dramatically fell back onto the lounge chair so that Carlos could only see his legs from where he floated in the pool.

They had over an hour left of mandatory time that they were instructed to be out of the apartment. Kendall was supposed to be with them right now, but it was understandable that he was a little slow in his departure and saying goodbye to Sage.

"I know this is hard, but Logan said that it's best for all of us," Carlos argued weakly, desperately trying to remember that he needed to support Logan. The other two stubborn boys were a bit harder to convince some of the time.

"Logan's an ass," James grumbled while sitting back up. His sunglasses fell onto the chair behind him, but he didn't seem to notice or care. He slid his body out of his seat and closed the small distance between him and Carlos, carelessly flopping down and dipping his legs into the pool; kicking them through the water slowly.

"You don't mean that. You're just being dramatic," Carlos grinned, splashing James' dry upper body playfully.

"Maybe I am," his words gave a halfhearted agreement, but his strong nod told Carlos that he knew he was agreeing completely. "I miss her, though. It feels wrong to just desert her… like we're letting her down," he whispered, not liking the idea of disappointing one of the very few people that he truly cared about.

"I get it, man. It's like she's our girlfriend," Carlos moped, laying his arms on the pavement at the edge of the pool and resting his head on them while looking up at James. He was smiling down at him, laughing at what he liked to call "Carlos-logic."

"Yeah," he concurred with a chuckle, understanding his friend's meaning, "but don't let Kendall hear you say that, especially if you're gonna link my name to it. I already got hit once," he joked dryly, absentmindedly lifting a hand to rub at the healed skin on his jaw.

"Wow," Carlos' eyebrows rose towards his hair line as he pulled away from the pool's side and grabbed at the inflatable tube again to lean on while watching James, who was furrowing his own brow in confusion.

"What?" his expression got more strained, hating it almost as much as Carlos did when he felt like he wasn't getting something.

"You're improving. That comment would have normally come with a whole parade of sexual jokes," Carlos smirked, thinking about all of the dirty things he'd ever heard from his sex-crazed friend. Now he handed a golden opportunity to him with the topic of them being Sage's boyfriends, and he denied it without a thought.

"Well, she's one of us now… and I may or may not love her very much," James admitted sheepishly. Love didn't mean anything sexual for him. It was never something he connected to his usual relationships with females. It meant something more important; something different. It meant family and friendship. To him, there was nothing romantic or sexual about love.

"Speaking of relationships," Carlos segued slyly, knowing that James wasn't going to last long on a really serious subject, "You haven't had a date in a while," he commented innocently, but he was hinting at something more, and James reacted in his classically defensive way.

"You haven't had a solid date since Roselynn fucked and dumped you," he snapped back, immediately regretting his words as soon as they left his mouth when he saw Carlos stop moving in the water.

"I'd get pissed, but I know you're only being a bitch because you're upset," he growled, giving James a glare of warning while he tried not to scowl.

"I'm sorry, Carlitos," James groaned and kicked his legs extra hard in the water as he gripped the edge of the pool in both of his hands so fiercely that his tan knuckles whitened. He despised himself for his lack of compassion sometimes. He was just glad it that existed at all for the special people he let into his life. "I guess I'm kind of irritated about not getting with any chicks lately. Usually, I'd have at least two a week… I'm feeling off…" his lips turned down into a frown as he swiveled his shoulders like the action could right his body and mind again.

"Why haven't you been going out? Any girl here would say yes," Carlos gestured around the area, shrugging apologetically when he realized that he used a bad example.

The pool was uninhabited except for them and a few other kids, none of which were their age. It was a Saturday, and the older teenagers of the Palm Woods were roaming the town; most likely heading to the beach because of the overly warm weather. Normally, James and Carlos would have tagged along in an instant, but they didn't have the urge for fun outside of the apartment lately. When they put distance between themselves and Sage, they could feel it like a nagging tug on their chests. They could almost understand why Kendall had been in physical pain at her absence in the beginning of his year without her. Granted, it wasn't nearly as bad with them, but it was there.

"My mind hasn't been on sex, which is weird… Oh, god! What if I'm broken?" James shrieked and placed his hands over his abdomen and chest, moving them jerkily as if he could detect something wrong.

"I'm sure you're working fine," Carlos laughed at his friend and placed his chin on the inflatable tube in front of him in deep thought. "Maybe you're evolving. You know, into someone who doesn't think about sex a million times a day," he offered optimistically. He almost sounded impressed with James.

"Don't joke about things like that!" the boy squealed, detesting the idea of changing. He liked who he was.

Well, most of the time he did.

"Besides, I'm not evolving," he spat the word out like he was sick and gave Carlos a stern glare as if to order him not to argue. "I'm just on a break… I'll be back to my brilliant and lady-killing ways in no time," he smiled suavely and looked very proud of himself, puffing out his chest as he thought of getting back in the game. "But, right now, the only lady on my mind is Sage. At least, the only real girl on my mind is Sage. I have plenty of others in my… imagination," he wagged his eyebrows suggestively, hinting about his solo nighttime activities.

Carlos normally would have laughed or shoved him, but he wasn't even looking at James. At the mention of Sage, his eyes went back up to the window. They were locked in a mix of emotions. James could see concern, but there was sadness weaved in too.

"What's wrong, buddy?" his voice was soft as he leaned forward to rest his arms on his thighs in an attempt to get closer to Carlos.

"Do you think she hates me?" his words came out in a whisper, vulnerable and pained. He looked away from the window and back at James, who was shaking his head so hard his neck should have hurt.

"Sage would never ever hate you… No one can hate you," he started stern, but an air of playfulness crept in towards the end. "Why would you even think that?" he wondered in astonishment.

Carlos wasn't the type to worry about things too much unless they were really bothering him, and he certainly didn't go around thinking people hated him. He still needed more confidence in himself, but surely his self-esteem hadn't plummeted that low.

James bit his lip and made a mental note to keep a closer eye on his friend.

"I'm the one who hurts her. I'm the one who makes her cry," Carlos explained gloomily, thinking of every tear that slipped down her face because of his physical role in therapy.

"Elliot makes her cry, not you. You're helping her, Carlos… She knows that," James explained softly, not wiping the strict look off of his face until he saw the sad boy nod in acceptance. "You're really brave for doing it, man… I'm kinda freaked about it being my turn soon…"

Logan had been planning the upgrade for a while, noticing that Sage was getting more comfortable with Carlos lately. She was becoming accustomed to his build and presence. James would be something new, something more threatening because of his height and stronger muscular stature. He had been mentally preparing for it ever since Logan discussed it with him. He agreed immediately to help, of course, but he wasn't sure how he would handle it if Sage cried beneath his touch. He didn't think it was possible, but he had even more respect for Carlos ever since therapy started. James couldn't imagine being the one to have gone first.

"You'll be fine," Carlos took his turn reassuring his friend, happily engaging in their tit-for-tat relationship. "You're James Diamond," he announced the name like he was giving an award. "I thought that meant you could do anything…" he smirked, knowing that James was going to accept the challenge if his capability was questioned.

"It does!" James declared loudly, his characteristic bravado shining through and replacing any doubt like the flip of a switch. "I almost forgot how amazing I was," he widened his eyes and laughed at himself conceitedly like the idea was the silliest thing in the world. Carlos held back his own laughter, which wanted to bubble up for different reasons. Most thought James' cocky attitude was annoying, but Carlos had always found it amusing. It was just a part of who his friend was, and it made the warmer moments between them more important.

"Yeah, you're awesome," Carlos grinned and then splashed a bunch of water at James, effectively soaking his carefully styled brunette locks. The swimming teen shrugged and held his hands up at his sides with his palms facing the sky as if he couldn't have helped it. James sat completely still, water dripping off of his long eyelashes as he squinted.

"This means war," he declared calmly. There was a moment of silence between them, Carlos' eyes widening slightly in anticipation right before James launched out of his sitting position and grabbed him by the shoulders. The two boys submerged themselves in the pool, starting a spirited wrestling match. They swallowed chlorinated water without a care, laughing and pushing their way in and out of the water, all worries forgotten for a few sweet moments.

"Will you be okay if I leave you alone so I can talk to Logan outside for a minute?" Kendall asked apprehensively, staring at Sage while biting the inside of his cheek.

She looked up from where she sat by the computer at the desk behind the couch, studying her boyfriend like he had grown a second head. His question was ridiculous because she had spent time by herself nearly every day for two weeks. Being alone wasn't new to her now, but she still thought he was sweet for asking. She smiled at him and shook her head faintly.

"I love you!" she called out melodically, rolling her eyes and waving to him before turning her attention back to the computer to finish up an online chat she was having with Katie.

They talked as much as they could since Sage found out that she knew the truth behind her year away. She had to make sure that Katie was both behaving herself and accepting it all easier than Kendall was. The last thing she wanted was for the girl she considered her little sister to be traumatized by what had happened. She reassured the preteen whenever she had the opportunity.

Kendall sighed and smiled at her, silently loving that she had been getting her spunk back more and more each day. She was becoming who she used to be; who she deserved to be.

"You're definitely making it easier for her to part with you," Logan spoke, already heading for the door so they could talk privately in the hallway. "No one likes a clinger," he sang out teasingly as he grabbed the handle. They heard Sage giggle behind them, making Kendall huff and shove Logan into the hall.

"Shut up," he grumbled, reaching back to shut the door behind them once they stepped outside of the apartment, "… and stop listening to James' dating advice," he added dryly, knowing that Logan probably would have never used such a word if it weren't for their promiscuous friend.

Logan just gave him a lopsided grin and nodded, folding his arms and casually leaning against the wall.

"What did you want to talk about?" he inquired calmly, trying to act nonchalant when he was actually wary about the discussion in the first place. He wasn't sure what it would consist of if Kendall didn't want to have it in front of Sage.

"I wanted to, uh… apologize…" Kendall murmured nervously. Logan's defensive stance softened completely. "I'm sorry I've been hard on you, and that I'm making everything difficult… I know you're doing your best… You're doing better than me," he added with an uncomfortable laugh. "I remember when I took care of you," he smiled affectionately at Logan, who sighed and rolled his eyes.

"You still do…" he admitted, silencing Kendall. Logan may have been emerging as a leader, but he was only capable of doing it because of the things he learned from his strong friend. "Anyway, you already apologized, and I forgave you, so-"

"I keep feeling like I should say it more often. I mess up a lot," Kendall insisted, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of his neck to ease the tension that had made its home there. "All you do is help us, and I'm so grateful for you, Logie," he exhaled wearily and leaned against the wall opposite of Logan. The weight on his shoulders felt like it was trying to push him down to the ground, so he pressed them harder into the wall. "I feel like an asshole all the time, arguing with you and fighting about everything…"

"You're only fighting because you care about Sage. I knew that when this all started… I prepared myself for it," Logan waved a hand through the air in dismissal.

"But you shouldn't have had to. I didn't need to act the way I did. You've been doing so good with her, and it's making things better… I should have listened to you from the start," he declared with a short, bitter laugh.

"Duh," Logan teased, "I am the genius," he smiled and tapped a finger against his temple.

"You're a lot more too," Kendall insisted quietly. "Thanks for stepping up when I didn't," he proclaimed his gratitude, something he was always going to have for his friends. They took care of him and Sage when he was just a moment away from failing.

"You're welcome," Logan said, not feeling like he needed to seek gratitude but accepting it anyway because of Kendall's stubbornness. "And don't worry about you and me. No one can stay mad at you, Kendall. It's part of your charm," he grinned and shook his head.

"Do you think she'll be ready for more soon?" Kendall asked suddenly, thinking about one of the reasons Logan was going to have a private session with Sage. Yes, it was so she didn't become too dependent on all of them being there, but it was also so he could work with her one-on-one and prepare her for something she and Kendall had talked about with him.

They wanted to try to use the bed again; something that Sage hadn't even been able to dabble in yet. Logan couldn't be there for it. It was something she and Kendall would have to work through on their own, but he would help in any way he could. He wanted to prepare her for what may happen to her physically and mentally when they attempted to lie on the furniture.

"Don't worry, buddy," Logan started happily as he moved towards the door, "I'll have you and your girl back in bed in no time," he winked and laughed at his own joke, making Kendall pinch the bridge of his nose.

"No, really, stop hanging out with James," he begged lightheartedly, watching Logan place his hand on the door. Kendall knew he wasn't supposed to go back in with him. He had already stayed too long. "Tell her I love her, okay?" he requested anxiously, biting at his bottom lip and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"You wanna write a poem for her that I should recite too?" Logan teased, trying to ease the tension his friend was feeling.

"I'm leaving now, jerk," Kendall smirked and punched the brunette's shoulder as he walked past him.

Logan laughed and studied Kendall as he reluctantly moved down the hall towards the elevators. He watched him until he was out of sight and heading to the lobby to meet up with Carlos and James. Logan stepped back into the apartment, swinging the door shut behind him without locking it.

"Your boyfriend says that he loves you as much as the sun is hot, and he wants you to have his babies," Logan called out to Sage with a smirk while strolling into the kitchen to grab a bottle of orange fruit water.

"The usual?" Sage joked back, shaking her head and trying not to miss Kendall as much as her body was telling her to as she got up from the desk with weak legs.

"Yup," Logan laughed, circling the counter to walk into the living room with Sage.

"So, what's on the agenda, Doc?" she sighed, falling down onto the couch. She immediately began twirling her pendant. Logan had quickly learned that it meant she was missing Kendall.

"If you're going to start to tackle your bed issue, then you might have a panic attack," he admitted gently, moving in front of her at the coffee table. His proximity was close, and she tensed, but she relaxed when he lowered down to the floor; putting himself beneath her so that it didn't feel like he was towering over her dangerously. "I'm not going to be there, and Kendall can probably calm you down pretty easily, but I wanted to teach you how to breathe properly."

"I don't do that now?" she laughed and curled her legs under her body so that they weren't too close to Logan.

Just being near him had her skin tingling in an unpleasant way, especially since she was wearing shorts and felt more exposed, but there was also an undercurrent of comfort too. She knew it was Logan, the boy who helped her right from day one, her friend; a part of her family now. She could mentally trust him, and her body would start to also.

"You breathe fine," he smiled. "It's just that most people don't do it correctly when they're panicking. Most of the time we bring air into our lungs high up here," he informed her, pushing his palm against his chest a little below his neck, "but it's better when we inhale it here," he slid his hand down to his stomach and pushed for emphasis. "If the air fills the lower half of your lungs, the oxygen is given to your body better, and your heart rate will slow. You'll relax easier and quicker… You wanna try?"

She took in his words and nodded immediately, not seeing the harm.

"It'll work best if you lie down," he told her cautiously, fiddling with the bottle of fruit water in his hands, which he never even opened. He knew that she wouldn't like the vulnerable position.

"O-Okay," she murmured shakily and spun her body around slowly. Her legs stretched out and her head rested on the orange cushion closest to the door. "Now what?" she wondered softly, turning her head so that her cheek touched the couch and she could see Logan clearly beside her. He looked like he wanted to reach out and instruct her by using his hands, but he knew better and kept them gripped tightly on the bottle in his lap.

"You need to breathe into your diaphragm, not your chest… Put a hand on your stomach," he waited for her to follow the order and watched as her palm smoothed over the material of her shirt; making sure the placement was correct. "Alright, this may not feel like much right now, but we're doing this so you'll know how to do it when your anxiety gets too high... Just inhale through your nose slowly, and then exhale through your mouth even slower. Don't worry about doing anything too quick, just focus on the air… You should feel your stomach rise higher than your chest…"

Sage nodded and breathed in deeply like he told her and held it for a moment, feeling her abdomen rise beneath her hand before exhaling with a long gust of air past her lips. She looked to Logan to make sure she was doing it right.

"Good. Keep going," he urged her on with a gentle smile and kept his eyes on her stomach to make sure it was rising properly as she breathed carefully. As long as she focused, it seemed to be easy for her. He just hoped she'd remember how to do it when it counted the most.

"I think I'm getting dizzy," she chuckled and stopped, looking up at the high ceiling for a second.

"Getting lightheaded is normal. It means you should take a break," Logan reassured her. He laughed lightly when she nodded only to blink in confusion when the movement made the disorientation worse. "We'll practice this a few times a day. I'll try to keep the timing regular, but we'll have to work around my studio and school schedule sometimes," he informed her casually, finally taking a sip of his water to calm his own nerves. He always felt uneasy when he was pushing her to do something new; like he was worried that it would fail and he'd let her down.

"I'm sorry for being an inconvenience," Sage mumbled, wanting to say the words for a while now. Logan choked on his water and stared at her in shock. He never wanted her to feel like that. "All I ever do is trouble you guys," she added forlornly. She felt like a burden to the once happy unit of four. They were in Hollywood, having the time of their lives pursuing stardom together, and Sage almost felt like she had interrupted it.

"You never have, and you never will," Logan declared sternly, setting the bottle down on the table once he wiped the water from his lips.

"You sound so sure," Sage frowned and rolled onto her side so that she was facing Logan, their heads closer than she would have normally been comfortable with.

"And you keep sounding like you think so little of yourself… Give yourself more credit, Sage," he pleaded kindly. "Sure, life kind of changed when you got here, but it's what we were hoping for. We wanted you with us before any of this even happened. We talked about you being in Sherwood too… You're just part of our plan," he smiled and shrugged, pivoting a little so that one of his legs stretched out towards the couch and the other stayed nestled by his body. He propped himself up with and elbow on the coffee table.

"But I don't think you were bargaining for a damaged girl," she fought feebly and spun to rest on her side completely with an arm beneath her head. Logan sighed and gave her a light smile.

"We're not just one thing… You're not just a damaged girl… I'm not just a wannabe doctor in a boy band," he stopped when she smiled, but then he softened. He was about to hit the nail on the head, and point out what he knew was bothering her; the root of all her problems. "And Elliot? Elliot wasn't just a monster," he paused only when she flinched and bit her lip, but she didn't ask him to stop. "He's a man that loved you. He hit you, hurt you, tortured you, and then he was kind and took care of you when you were at your lowest… There's no right way to respond to that… There's no logical way to deal with it, but you made it… You're here…"

Sage's eyes were distant, almost looking right through him before she blinked back into reality and scanned the limited surroundings she could from her position on the couch. Her body curled in on itself a bit, her knees moving towards her torso.

"Sometimes it feels like that's all I am… Just here," she admitted, gesturing around the apartment; the apartment that she never left and just existed in. She didn't know who she was anymore a lot of the time, especially when Kendall wasn't around to keep her grounded.

"Trust me, you're so much more," Logan stayed warm, trying not to falter and panic when he could literally see depression battling the logic behind her eyes. "You're Sage. You're my best friend, you're my sister… You're part of our family… Focus on that. Focus on who you want to be, not who you were forced to be."

"They mix together sometimes," she told him sadly, her eyes becoming distant again. Her memories of Elliot were flooding back, twisting and turning; warping to become something she wasn't sure really happened. Her whole life was surreal. She had gone through things that she never knew could occur, and her reactions weren't what she thought they would have been.

"You really cared about him, didn't you?" Logan asked, already knowing the answer.

"I did," she sighed and groaned, "and it still makes no sense to me why… Sometimes I think of the way he was before, when he hit me and brutalized me and r-raped me," she stumbled over her speech and took a second to breathe deeply like Logan had just taught her.

The dreaded word was getting easier to say, but it still surprised her when she heard it, especially when it came from her own mouth. It was something she had never thought she would encounter. Before Kendall, she had gotten used to being invisible; not wanted negatively or positively.

"I get scared of those images; the ones of me hitting the ground or being h-held down… They're what keep me here, hidden and filled with anxiety. They're the strongest thoughts I have, but there are others…"

As she thought about them, the memories flooded and filled her like ice water being dumped over her head followed by molten liquid; effectively shocking her system into confusion and immobility before she could muddle through it all.

"Keep breathing," Logan whispered a reminder. He could sense the fear of these new emotions easily. He could see that it was stronger than she believed. It held far more weight than she admitted to.

She did as he said, focusing on his voice and the way the air steadily filled her lungs as she inhaled and passed smoothly over her lips in the slow exhale. She blinked and tried to speak again. Rising up on her elbow, she stared right at Logan and tried not to be bothered by how close he felt. It was getting easier.

"Other times, I think of Elliot when he'd smile or be nice to me; when he was being normal, and I could just- " she cut herself off with a frustrated huff as she bit her lip and refocused. "He was human to me then. He was someone different, someone who wasn't the guy that hurt me… He wasn't my stepfather. He was Elliot, my f-friend," she struggled with the word because it didn't feel right. No one term ever fit Elliot.

She felt idiotic, but Logan just nodded. If she were having this discussion with Kendall, he might've had something to say; something that would have made her feel guilty without any intent to do so. However, Logan was different. He was a true listener and confidant, never jumping to conclusions and constantly searching for comprehension. She could connect to him in a way that she desperately needed right now. She needed someone that didn't make her feel anything but comfortable with what she said or felt. Her new family all offered those same feelings of care, but each gave it in different ways.

Kendall made her feel comfortable and open, but he naturally came with baggage of the past because he could see right through her and offer protection that she had trouble denying even if it was better to do so for both of their sanities. She had to reject that during her recovery. She couldn't take the simple way out or the fix would have no chance of being permanent.

James had a way of making her relax and feel on edge at the same time. He was intimidating at first. His tall stance and cocky personality came off as slightly abrasive to her with one glance. He was a classic player, and untrustworthy male, until you really dug inside. It actually wasn't as difficult as she thought it was going to be. James had a lot of walls, but they weren't made of steel. They were soft and pliable, bending and morphing with light touches and urging. He was more open and warm than the average onlooker gave him credit for, and the fact that he let Sage see that side of him made it easy for her to feel love towards the dynamic boy.

Carlos was innately loveable before birth, his parents showering him with affection even in the womb by way of soft songs and caresses. He was literally made to be caring and captivating, whether most of his peers saw it or not. He was innocent and genuine, yet could read the darker parts of life like the back of his hand if it affected the people closest to him. He had a subtle way of sacrificing himself for those select few, an act which never went unnoticed or without gratitude. That was why Sage could trust him. He was easy to be around because he honestly wanted to be there. Maybe it was obligation, but he took that upon himself out of an amazing sense of warmth in his heart. Carlos welcomed her into his life so effortlessly, with no questions or hassle, and she did the same in return. Something like that used to be difficult for her, having been let down by everyone before she met Kendall, but Carlos made it so simplistic.

"All of that is understandable," Logan insisted tenderly. "You're not crazy, Sage… You just have to move on, and you're doing really well so far," he told her happily, thinking of all her slow but steady progress.

"How do you do it?" she asked randomly, sitting up in her seat so that she could look down at Logan.

"What?" he titled his head in confusion.

"Keep going? How do you pretend that you're okay?" she inquired further. Logan tore his eyes off of her and glanced at the carpet beneath his body, wondering how she could see him so clearly.

"Who says I'm not?" he sounded defensive, but the emotion was weak.

"You're scared, Logan. Probably almost as scared as I am, but you're so good at hiding it," she fiddled with her fingers in her lap, searching his face like it could give her answers. He sighed and let his walls down.

"It takes practice and a strong will… one I didn't think I even had before you got here," he admitted tiredly, running a hand through his dark hair.

"What changed?" she sat forward further and rested her forearms on her legs.

"I, uh… It was seeing you so terrified and fragile… I was there once a l-long time a-ago," he mumbled uneasily, using the breathing technique on his own nervous body.

"You don't have to talk about it," Sage's eyes widened, not thinking that she had zoned in that well on Logan enough to know that they had more in common that he admitted to before.

"No, I think I should," Logan's tone changed, becoming more confident. "The guys have tried with me, but I never want to burden them."

"And you can't possibly burden me any more than I already am," she smirked and nodded at his logic.

"Exactly," Logan agreed with a smile and then quieted down, thinking about the memories he always pushed away and ignored; labeling them with less significance than they really held. He had addressed them more than ever in the last year, but it probably wasn't as much as he should have. "I was a v-victim too, I guess…" the word hurt him, and that was how he knew for a fact that Sage didn't like it either. Sympathy washed over her eyes as soon as he said it. "My dad hit me a few times when I was a little kid and he got high… He was a respected doctor and a great father, but then he developed a drug problem…"

Sage didn't say that she was sorry because she knew that it wouldn't help, but Logan still knew that she was sorry for what he went through just as much as he was sorry for her circumstances. Pity was fine, but it didn't get them anywhere by itself.

"Is he in jail?"

"No," Logan laughed emotionlessly.

It wasn't because he wanted Patrick in jail, but because he and his mother had never made him accountable for his actions; just like how Sage was letting karma take care of Elliot. It had worked out for the Mitchells. Patrick grew and learned, but it didn't happen until after he destroyed pieces of himself, and Logan was discovering how to love him again and offer forgiveness. That was why he never fought Sage on seeking out Elliot for legal justice. He understood that it was a personal decision. It was something she had to choose for herself, and actually getting a choice was liberating after her experience, whether she realized it or not.

"He's in North Carolina with a new wife. They run a restaurant. He can't do much else after he lost his medical license and had a few run-ins with the law," Logan explained simply. He already came to terms with his father's past without him, and he just tried to be happy that he knew him again; that he got a second chance.

"Do you hate him?" Sage's voice was so small that he barely heard it.

"Do you hate Elliot?" he shot back immediately.

"Not as much as everyone thinks I should," she twirled her pendant again between her thumb and forefinger.

"My answer's the same," he told her calmly with a shrug. She smiled, not feeling like so much of an outcast anymore.

"I bet Kendall loves that," she grinned, nothing but sarcasm dripping from her dialogue. Logan nodded with a weary grin.

"We've fought about it before, and James joined in too, but I actually ended up reuniting with my dad anyway. We're sorta friends now, and he's responsible for me being able to help you," he spoke with a full smile, thinking of his father. Patrick turned out to be a better man than he thought; a man that was remorseful and willing to earn forgiveness rather than just ask for it.

"Thank him for me," Sage smiled and stopped messing with her necklace. Her hands dropped into her lap and one finger absentmindedly traced the scar on her thigh.

"I'll do that," Logan laughed lightly, feeling accomplished. He got Sage to open up, and he did as well. Their relationship was strengthening by the day, and it could only benefit them both.

"So," Sage's voice had him cautiously staring at her. She sounded like Kendall when he was about to talk him into something reckless, like scheming to moon the opposing team at their last big hockey game. "Since we're both kind of on similar boats, maybe, if I'm making some changes, you should too," she lifted a thin eyebrow and quirked her lips into a smirk that her boyfriend would be proud of.

"How?" Logan whined. "What are you thinking?"

"Don't freak out, Logan. It's nothing huge," she laughed and shook her head from side to side, and Logan was really starting to believe that she and Kendall were literally made to go to together. "I just think you should ask Camille out on a date," she added sweetly.

"That's a big deal!" he groaned and grabbed his water bottle. He began to furiously rip at the label.

"Not as big as you're making it out to be. Why are you so afraid of giving her a chance? She adores you. She would say yes to you in a heartbeat," Sage smiled gently, but Logan didn't look at her.

"I know," he mumbled and stopped tearing at the paper around the bottle.

"You don't like her?" Sage wondered, struggling to figure out what the problem could be.

"Of course I do!" Logan argued loudly, looking embarrassed by his volume before settling back down. "I've never really asked anyone out before, and I'm pretty sure that first date will lead to another… I've never had a real girlfriend. I don't know what to do or how to act," he admitted nervously, his cheeks flushing lightly.

"Just act like Logan. She doesn't want anyone else," Sage grinned, seeing him breaking down a bit. Camille was going to freak out on her, in the best way possible, if she had successfully gotten Logan to stop being an "idiotic boy"; Camille's words, not hers.

"Fine."

"You're gonna do it? When?" Sage leaned forward even more, not seeming to mind the close proximity anymore. Her smile was bright and full, and it made Logan roll his eyes.

"Now you choose to act like a teenage girl?" he scoffed teasingly.

"Hey! I've never had a girlfriend either, okay? We're doing this together," she folded her arms in triumph and thought about her newly acquired friend. Camille made her happy by just being a fresh and loving presence in her life, and she wanted to do anything she could to return the small favor she unknowingly gave her.

"You're lucky I'm not James. You'd be hearing a whole slew of threesome suggestions right now," he grinned and climbed off of the floor while Sage let out a good-natured laugh.

"So, when are you gonna do it? Tomorrow? Today?" she suggested giddily, following him towards the kitchen.

"I- uh, maybe next-"

"You have a week," she stated firmly, fighting off a smile as she leaned against the counter and watched him pivot on his heels before reaching the fridge across from it.

"I have a limit?" he asked with a sly grin, knowing what she was doing after a moment of thought.

"You give me some every day. I figured it was time for me to help you," she shrugged and smiled.

"Only a week…You're picking all of this shit up too fast," he grumbled without fighting her on the time and started to search the refrigerator for sandwich supplies. The guys were due back very soon, and they would most likely be arriving right on the dot with Kendall in the lead.

"I'm progressing, Logie. These are good things," she reminded him cunningly, a teasing quality to her voice. His hand stopped midair as he was reaching for the mustard when she used his nickname for the first time. It made him warm and content. She was getting more comfortable, and that meant the world to them all.

"Is it almost over?" Sage asked through clenched teeth. Her left leg was bouncing, and she squirmed in her chair relentlessly. Carlos' hand on her felt like a dull fire, trying to get her to flinch away from the pain, but she didn't want to give up. She was struggling to keep the fear in the back of her mind rather than the front.

"You still have another forty seconds until we're at a full minute," Logan informed her after checking his watch. He examined her carefully from across the table, where both he and James sat on either side of Kendall during their most recent therapy session. They were aiming for a new record before Sage couldn't handle anymore.

"Damn," she cursed at the news, shutting her eyes and tilting her head down so that her chin hit her chest and her hair covered her face.

"I thought you liked time limits?" Logan teased gently while still keeping his attention on his watch.

Kendall spun in his chair at his friend's comment, looking like he was about to lose the composure he had pasted on for the session. He had been doing well lately, becoming passive when it was necessary to the point of James not having to physically restrain him anymore, but he almost felt like tackling Logan to the ground. However, he stayed seated and silent once he heard Sage laughing softly from across the table.

"Ass," she hissed as her eyes opened to playfully glare at Logan for the joke about their earlier banter when discussing Camille.

The rest of her body remained tense, all rigidity radiating from where Carlos had a strong grip around her wrist. He was even tugging her towards his personal space slightly, just as Logan had directed him to do. He wanted to find whatever the pair was talking about funny, but he could never seem to feel anything but anguish when he had to make her uncomfortable. He bit his lip hard enough to make it painful, but he stopped when his ankle was kicked lightly under the table. His grip on Sage tightened further in a moment of alarm, but Sage didn't appear to have detected it. She wasn't audibly increasing her deep breathes or crying out like he was expecting her to. Carlos glanced up and saw James staring at him. He gave him a gentle nod and an encouraging smile, knowing that it was rough on him.

"Time's up," Logan announced suddenly. Carlos immediately let Sage go and rubbed his palm on the thigh of his jeans.

"Are you okay?" he asked her before Kendall or Logan could, eliciting a laugh from James when he saw their shocked faces.

"I think I'm good," she declared slowly, like she was waiting for a negative feeling to topple her over. "I'm only at a six or seven, and it's going down," she shook out her arm, trying to make the phantom tingling go away. It was getting easier lately. It wasn't like needles anymore. It was more of a disturbance than a pain.

"Awesome… Can I touch her now?" Kendall spoke excitedly, asking Logan for permission.

"Yeah, it's late. I guess we're done for tonight," he chuckled and braced himself when Kendall shot out of his seat beside him with enough force for him to physically feel a gust of air. The boy didn't even attempt to be calm as he rounded the table and reached out for Sage, who was smiling affectionately and standing up to meet him.

"Hi," he murmured tenderly with a soft smile. His hands found both of hers without hassle and he pressed a kiss onto her forehead.

"Hi," she said back in a whisper, slipping her eyes shut at the soft and soothing contact.

"You guys are gross," James made a gagging sound as he wandered past them and into the kitchen. Carlos had his head in the freezer and Logan was unloading the clean dishes from the dishwasher.

"And you're jealous," Kendall smirked and made a face at him. James just rolled his eyes and gave him the middle finger before snatching a bowl from Logan's hand right before the shorter boy put it in the cabinet. Carlos pulled ice-cream out of the freezer.

Kendall ignored James and began an intimate conversation with Sage near the table, mumbling quiet and loving words to each other as they entered their own little world. James saddled up beside Carlos, bumping his hip into his friend's.

"Things went better today. She was almost completely fine… I told you she didn't hate you," he insisted cheerfully, getting a shrug from Carlos.

"You thought I hated you?" Sage's voice broke through. Apparently her and Kendall's personal world wasn't as closed off to theirs as they thought.

"Why do you have to speak so loud?" Carlos groaned at James, who held up his hands in a sheepish surrender.

"Carlos," Sage sighed his name with a worried look and waved him over. Everyone's eyes were on them now, but she didn't appear to care about the usually feared attention. "Why would you think something like that?" she wondered, wracking her brain for a solution and hoping she didn't do something stupid in one of her panic attacks.

"It's nothing! Don't worry about it," he smiled fully, but he wasn't a very convincing liar. His movements were jerky as he rocked on his heels and flailed a hand in the air. Logan rolled his eyes and James brought his palm to his forehead in disappointment at his comrade's lack of skill when it came to acting.

"Explain," Kendall demanded gently, leaving no room for argument with a strong stare that Carlos always cracked under.

"It's just… I'm always the one that makes you upset. I'm the one who has to push you and make you think of Elliot," he explained nervously, scratching the top of his head and wishing that he had his lucky helmet to make him feel a little more secure. Sage took a bold step towards him, leaving Kendall's hand behind as hers hovered by her sides.

"Don't ever feel bad about that, okay? I'm so grateful that you do what you do for me," she assured him. The room seemed to spin for her but stay eerily still for the others as her palm rose upward to land on his bicep. Carlos tensed, and she did too, but she took the time to squeeze it comfortingly before exhaling loudly and pulling away. "I d-don't want to be a burden on you unless you burden me sometimes too. I want us t-to be equals," her words were strained with her stress and anxiety eating away at her chest as she came down from the usual frightening rush physical contact gave her, but they were also totally honest.

Kendall took the hand she had intentionally placed on Carlos into his own, knowing that his touch would ease away some of the discomfort and calm her down. Logan was grinning, James was staring at them with wide eyes, and Carols was still frozen but looked like he wanted to jump into action and hug her.

"So, you don't hate me?" he asked for clarification. His cautious smile of joy made her laugh and relax.

"Nope, not a bit," she shook her head and let Kendall rub her forearm in a silent form of both security and encouragement. She had done really well. It was her first time making contact with anyone on her own.

"Yay!" Carlos declared happily, his energy transforming the tense room into one filled with only smiles. He had no more worries now. Sage wouldn't lie to him, and her word was good enough for him to forget his concern ever existed.

"He's so easy to please," she chuckled and watched him start to scoop ice cream into a bowl and pile whip cream on top of it. The mound was so high that they were sure he wasn't going to sleep any time soon despite the late hour.

"It's why we love him so much," Kendall laid his cheek against the top of her head and laughed softly when Carlos beamed at his declaration and started to lick the ice cream scooper clean. "You wanna head off to bed?" he asked Sage quietly, feeling the desire to be alone with her after the long day.

"Yeah," she agreed immediately and lifted their clasped hands to kiss his knuckles in one of the few forms of affection she could manage without the anxiety pushing its way in.

"You're not having dessert?" Carlos mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate ice cream.

"We had cake like two hours ago after dinner," Sage reminded him with a grin. He merely shrugged and continued eating, shooing James' hand away when it appeared out of nowhere with a spoon to swipe at his bowl.

"Goodnight," Logan chimed in, looking both of them in the eyes and mentally wishing them luck. He knew that Kendall was determined to try the bed out tonight, and he was sure that Sage wouldn't argue against giving it a shot.

Kendall and Sage waved to everyone before walking to their room hand in hand. Kendall shut the door behind them, something that Sage had gotten better about lately. For a while, she had only wanted it open, but now she was back to being comfortable with it shut, and that didn't even have to include pushing the dresser in front of it. He only had to lock the door, and that was more for his peace of mind than hers. She never even asked him to do it.

Sage hummed the soft tune of a song she had been working on in her time alone and gathered her nightclothes, which consisted of cotton shorts and a tank top, and then headed off to the bathroom. Kendall picked out a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt, longing for the days when he used to sleep in much less or nothing at all with Sage, but he pushed those thoughts out of his mind. They weren't at that step yet. They both changed quickly, nearly timing it perfectly when Sage reopened the bathroom door. She stayed in there to brush her teeth, but they both preferred the open doorway so that they weren't closed off to each other for too long.

As he was tightening the drawstring on his pants, Kendall glanced at the unused bed. His look was one of consideration before he turned it rapidly into determination; one so strong that people very rarely saw it unless he was on the ice. He took a calming breath and approached the bathroom, leaning on the doorframe as he watched Sage rinse her mouth out.

"You should sit on the bed with me," he suggested, blurting out the sentence fast so that he wouldn't chicken out because of his intense need to not upset her. Sage choked slightly on the water over the sink and turned the faucet off, wiping her face with a towel as she turned to him.

"I should?" she sounded cautious, but she already knew that this was bound to happen.

"If you want to, I think we should try it… I think you're ready," he gave her a confident smile, thinking back to how she had made a big improvement only minutes ago by reaching out of her comfort zone for Carlos.

"I'll try… You'll be with me the whole time, right?" she wondered, her terrified nature shining through more than it had all day. She appeared small and fragile, causing Kendall to immediately take her hand and pull her towards him into the room.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her calmly and waited for her to make the first move.

They stood awkwardly at the foot of the bed while Sage stared at it. The pale green walls around her were trying to morph into a dull white color and barred windows were invading her imagination as her troubled mind attempted to make her believe she was in Ramsey; in her prison. The only thing keeping her in the present was Kendall's fingers linking with her own. Other than when she became a different person in Elliot's bed with him, she had gotten sick the last time she tried to do this, but she needed to attempt it again. She may never reach normalcy, but she wanted to be average enough to sleep on a bed with her boyfriend of two years in their home together. Doing such a thing seemed like it was decades away, so she just focused on taking a small chance.

She stepped forward and lifted one knee onto the bed. The sheets felt like gravel on her bare skin, but she clenched her teeth and continued forward. Her other knee bent and she rose up so that she was on the mattress completely. One of her hands fell forward, and then the other reluctantly followed even though it meant detangling from Kendall's loving touch. He stood behind her, hovering as close as he could without really interfering. He watched her spin around slowly, rotating until she was facing him and sitting solidly on the middle of the bed. He tried to make eye contact with her, but hers were shut tightly as she struggled to breathe. She was trying not to feel disgusted; to not think of the way she was abused on a surface just like this one. It was a full five seconds until she whimpered and gripped the blanket beneath her. Before Kendall could reach for her to soothe the jitteriness, she sat up and crawled towards him on trembling limbs. He let her stand up completely, and she held onto his arms like she was going to faint. Her head spun and her stomach fluttered uncontrollably, making her feel like she could vomit.

"Are you breathing right?" he spoke softly, thinking back to what Logan said he taught her during their afternoon alone.

"T-Trying," she stuttered out, inhaling deeply and clinging to Kendall with a vice grip. It took a few attempts, but eventually she was calming down and her lungs were filling slowly and correctly.

"You wanna give it another shot?" Kendall asked carefully, glancing back at the bed like he was sure he'd see something horrific, but it was just a bed to him. However, he still felt an irrational hatred towards it because of how it made his soul mate feel.

"Suddenly you're all for pushing me," Sage laughed airily, the sound low and strangled as she pressed her forehead into his chest while still keeping him at a distance with her hands wrapped around his wrists. Kendall hissed like he was disappointed in himself.

"Never mind, we don't have to-"

"No, don't stop now. You're doing really good," she grinned up at him, still panting slightly as her breathes evened out. She liked it when Kendall pushed her. If he did it more often, she might get to where she wanted to be sooner.

"So are you," he told her with a light chuckle at her wit. He leaned in to kiss the side of her head. "Let's sit together, okay?" he mumbled into her hair, struggling not to backtrack again when he felt her fingers tighten on his arms.

Sage nodded, worrying that she'd panic if she spoke, and let Kendall guide her towards the bed again. His hands helped her keep breathing as she observed him sitting down on the edge of the mattress. As she just stared at him, the bed started not to seem so bad. Kendall was on it, and he was unharmed.

"Come on, babe," he coaxed her softly. He could read the confusion in her eyes, and he took that as a positive sign because it wasn't pure fear.

She smiled as soon as she heard his voice. It made her feel present despite the sick feeling she got when her shin bumped into the bed as she moved forward. She spun around, doing her best to ignore the cry bubbling in her throat when the comforter touched the back of her knees. Her last memory of that happening was when Elliot prepared to crawl over her.

"You're okay," Kendall always seemed to know just when to talk and when to stay silent so she could keep going by herself.

It was an awkward position because they were side by side yet still holding both of each other's hands, but neither one of them were willing to let go this time; Sage because she needed the support to keep her sane and Kendall because he needed to give it just as much as she wished for it. She finally settled down right beside him on the bed, their hips touching as she leaned into him in a fruitless attempt to not be connected with as much of the bed beneath her.

"I'm so proud of you," he smiled and squeezed her hands, which she responded well to; sighing and letting out the breath she was holding for too long. She remained silent, and her body was rigid, so he kept talking. "This is a great start, and we'll keep taking baby steps… You wanna get back on the floor, don't you?" he knew that she was reaching her limit, watching her lips move with silent letters as she spelled words he couldn't decipher in an attempt to stay calm.

"Please," she nodded instantly with her eyes shut, begging as she continued to grip him tightly.

He liked the feeling that she needed him, because he needed her too, but he was starting to see the advantages of leveling out their intensity and codependency. Sage would have never been able to do this with him if she hadn't participated in therapy with Logan first, which made her mentally and physically capable of handling more and more each day.

As Kendall inwardly kicked himself for being stubborn for too long, he fully understood now that there wasn't just one solution, and, even if there was, his enabling ways were definitely not it. The answers to their problems were an intricate design of choices, tests, and consequences.

He rushed to brush his teeth, letting Sage breathe and lie on the floor by herself for a few minutes, but it wasn't long before he rested beside her on their makeshift bed without a word, one of her hands finding his between them. His back was to the bed, but he could see her looking right past him even in the dim shadows and low lighting from a small fixture in the bathroom. Her body remained stiff as she became distant, undoubtedly thinking about all of the bad things that happened to her on a piece of furniture just like the one behind him.

He hated it when she closed herself off, even when she didn't mean to do it.

"It's okay to talk about Elliot with me… I know you talk to Logan, but I don't want you to think that you can't with me too," he whispered, his voice gaining strength as he spoke more. He had felt like he needed to say it for a while now. They hadn't really broached the subject of her stepfather since the last time Kendall admitted he had a lot of anger about it.

"I know," Sage tore her eyes off of the bed and forgot it completely because of the way Kendall was staring at her apprehensively. "I'm just not sure that I should bring it up all the time because I know it bothers you, which bothers me, and then we go around in a circle of angst," she smiled, but she looked exhausted as her head pushed farther into her pillow and her thumb lazily stroked the back of his hand.

"I could try to not let it bother me," he offered helpfully. His tone was optimistic but weak, knowing that it wouldn't be an attainable feat.

"That's sweet of you" she responded with a more genuine smile, so grateful for him. "Thank you for doing all of this for me," she sighed and kept the statement general, and it made him smirk.

"What am I doing?" he inquired, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"You're here and still loving me after all of it," she murmured distantly, most likely thinking about her confession of sleeping with Elliot consensually to get ahead in her captivity.

"I never stopped, and nothing that happened was your fault," he said firmly, not enjoying how she let the guilt weigh her down so visibly that he could see her curl in on herself a bit.

"I know you mean well, but it might be better for everyone if you try to put some blame on me… I made stupid choices, Kendall," she huffed and gazed at him like she was breaking more bad news, but he never let it get to him. He didn't want to feel more down than he already did.

"You didn't. You made all the right ones 'cause you're here now," he argued quietly. His breathing became more labored as emotion swelled in his chest. It was relief, anger, and grief all rolled into one when he thought about the possibility that she could have never found her way back to him.

"But I fucked up along the way," Sage countered without hesitation. She knew her mistakes now, and she didn't want to ignore them. "It would probably kill both of us if I tried to count how many times that there was an opportunity for me to make a run for it," she admitted bitterly, trying not to hate herself.

"What do you mean?" Kendall flinched and his voice was small, but he didn't want her to stop. He didn't want any barriers between them, and he'd have to get used to hearing the difficult topics.

"When Elliot started letting me out of my room, I could roam the house. His eyes were on me as much as possible, but there were times when I could have tried the door. I could have just ran into the street and screamed for help…" she trailed off sadly and swallowed the lump in her throat. She was pretty sure that the one time she shut the front door herself, after Elliot got home from the hospital when he was shot, was going to haunt her for the rest of her life. She could have left, but she didn't.

"Why didn't you?" It was like Kendall was in her head. She almost forgot how easily he could do that like she could to him.

"I wish I could tell you that it was just because I was scared, but I think it was more than that," she confessed gloomily, biting at her bottom lip and meeting Kendall's eyes with a pained expression as she thought of her earlier conversation with Logan about caring for Elliot. "I think part of me felt bad for leaving him… I felt terrible even thinking about getting him sent off to jail… I didn't want that for him because I knew how hard he worked to be happy," she explained slowly. To her, it sounded stupid, but it was also the truth that she refused to hide anymore.

"I- um… Alright…" Kendall struggled to be calm. He didn't want to fight, and he actually didn't even feel the need, but he was ridiculously confused. He could see how jumbled Sage's mind had really become; how much she was altered.

"It's okay if you don't understand. I don't really get it either…" she said in hushed tones. Her eyes were stinging with tears as she continued. "Logan says that it's Stockholm syndrome, and that's the only thing that sounds right to me… Why else would I care about him? Why should I give a fuck after what he did to me?" her words became angry as the tears slipped down her cheeks. She wanted to scream at Elliot, but he was gone. She let him go.

For once, she felt rage instead of fear. It reminded her of how she had developed during her imprisonment. She started paralyzed and frightened, moved on to frustrated and agitated, and then she ended with control. She hoped this journey of healing would be the same.

"You shouldn't care, but you do, and we'll deal with that together… You'll be okay again. You'll be you, and he'll be far from your mind," Kendall reassured her as much as he could, believing his own words but also knowing how difficult the goals were.

He was happy to see Sage nod in agreement, but she didn't speak. They rested together in silence as she calmed down, the crying diminishing as Kendall wiped the moisture from her cheeks.

"Do you ever wonder about him… Where is he? What's he doing?" he asked rhetorical questions, no longer holding himself back from discussing Elliot.

"Is he being good?" Sage shot back scornfully, an angry frown tugging her mouth down as she thought of her misguided hopes for him.

It still bothered Kendall, but he wasn't so surprised anymore by Sage's willingness to believe that her stepfather had a bit of light in him. Kendall would never see it. He was all the way in the black darkness, viewing Elliot as a pure demon, but Sage was near the white light. Together, they settled in an understanding gray.

"I think about him every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall asleep," Sage spoke faintly, but he could hear every word. "He's on my mind right after you guys shut the door and disappear for a few hours at class or Rocque Records. He's in my head whenever there's a quiet moment during any conversation I'm having… He's everywhere, and he never goes away… Logan says I'm gonna have to get used to that…" she told him sadly. She looked tired, her eyes blinking in a slow rhythm.

"It'll get easier… It has to," Kendall whispered softly, raking a hand through her hair so that it fell over her shoulder and he could see her neck more clearly. Unlike others, he never saw her scar first. He always saw the necklace, and felt pure joy as it rested around her neck were it belonged instead of on his bedpost.

"I think it will… I'm happy here with all of you. It almost makes it everything worth it if this is the outcome," Sage donned a gloomy smile that Kendall returned.

Her face changed into one of concentration, and she licked her lips in slight apprehension and deep thought, causing him to furrow his brown in confusion. She took a shaky breath and scooted closer to him, curling into Kendall and laying her head on his chest. He stiffened immediately, like he was expecting her to freak out, but then it was quiet, calm, and warm as she settled in for sleep without flinching. He smiled and let out a trembling sigh of relief and astonishment when she didn't fight against him wrapping an arm around her shoulders and resting his hand on her waist, pressing her tightly onto him. She only snuggled in further and ignored the way her skin crawled. That sensation wasn't going to go away easily, but feeling Kendall surrounding her was helping. She experienced a small sense of pride for being able to handle it so well.

As Sage hugged him and he held her in the dark silence of the night, Kendall remembered how this used to make everything better. He nearly forgot how much it helped not just Sage but also himself. It gave them peace. It was what reminded him that good outcomes were possible no matter how disastrous their journey was.

It was what made everything worthwhile.

A/N: Yay for positivity ;D We'll see more "moving on" in the next chapter for everyone :) This includes more "intimate" Kage moments :)

*****TUMBLR: I just wanted to remind you guys that I have one now if you're interested. There are occasional previews and info on PTS, and lovely GRAPHICS with Kendall/Sage and the entire "family" of five :) My username on there is "waterwicca" as well. And this is my link - remove spaces - (also on my profile here on fanfic): ht tp: / waterwicca .tum blr. com/ tagged /pa st_ the_ sorrow ******

***Also a reminder: I update EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT without fail unless there is some sort of extreme emergency (none yet, knock on wood ;) I wish I could update more, but it's impossible unless I stop sleeping and eating lol because most chapters are between 13 and 16 thousand words :)

Please REVIEW and let me know what you thought of this chapter :D As usual, anonymous reviews are enabled :) I'm always grateful for any and all feedback :)