Chapter 36

The Last Straw

Sirius stared at his reflection in the small rippling pool of water with muted shock. It had been twenty years since he had seen his own face. He could hardly recognise it. Thick, black, mangy hair flowed from both the top of his head and his chin, covering the majority of his face, while the visible skin was tainted brown from years of not washing.

In all honesty, Sirius knew he probably smelled as good as a pile of horse dung.

Running a hand through his thick beard, he sighed with memories of his past life.

"Here."

He turned and saw Remus extending a small razor blade and a pair of scissors to him with a smirk on his face.

"Trying to tell me something?" Sirius said in amusement, looking into his face with joy and relief. It was still almost like a dream to have Remus with him and happy again.

Remus chuckled. "You're far too hairy for my liking."

Sirius smiled and took the utensils. "What's wrong with a bit of facial hair?"

"A bit?" Remus echoed incredulously. "That beard of yours is as thick as a dog's fur. I can't even see your mouth!"

Sirius laughed. It felt good to. He couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed.

It appeared Remus was thinking the same thing. "I miss your laugh," he said with a look on his face that depicted pure contentment.

Sirius took Remus' hand gently. "I miss you."

He saw Remus flush as they locked their gazes together for a long, quiet moment. There was so much to be said, Sirius knew, but neither of them knew where to begin.

"We'll have a lot of explaining to do when we get back," Remus said softly.

"I'm glad Harry took it well," Sirius remarked, thinking of his godson, who was probably off somewhere with Ron. It amazed Sirius how much he'd grown. Logically, it made sense of course. Twenty years was enough time to change anyone. But to Sirius, Harry was still the one-year-old baby. "I want to get to know him."

"You will." Remus began brushing his thumb along Sirius' calloused palm. "I'm sure he wants to know you too."

"You were right … He looks like James."

"Doesn't he?" Remus mused. "Sometimes I forget it's Harry I'm talking to and not his father."

"James would be proud of him." A melancholy mood took over Sirius, remembering the night he had walked into Godric's Hollow and seen his best friend murdered on the carpet. After being accused of James' and Lily's murders for twenty years, it was hard not to let guilt take over him.

Remus smiled sadly and lifted Sirius chin so their eyes locked. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Sirius Black. You are innocent." Suddenly, Remus' eyes welled with tears. "I … I still can't believe I thought … you had killed them."

Sirius shuffled closer and grasped Remus' hands. "No …" he whispered. "I told you; that's in the past. You couldn't help but see the evidence—"

"But it was you! I should have trusted you. I knew you better than anyone else and I still thought you were the murderer." Tears dropped from Remus' eyes and he gritted his teeth in anger and sorrow.

"Remus, no … Don't cry, please. It's over now, I forgive you. Don't cry, love, please."

Remus stiffened and his breath caught, as if shocked by something. He stared at his lap for a long while. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. "Say that again," he whispered. A tear drop slithered across Remus' lips but he made no move to lick or wipe it away.

Sirius paused, unsure what Remus was referring to. "Say what?" he asked gently.

"What you called me."

Then Sirius realised. He hadn't even noticed he had said it. It had seemed so natural to call Remus 'love'. He hadn't realised it would have such an effect on the man. "I called you love," he said, something deep inside him infinitely happy. A few more tears escaped down Remus' face. This time, Sirius lifted his hands and wiped them away.

Remus held onto Sirius' hands that were cupping his face, his eyes wet and his face pink. But Sirius had never thought anyone could look so beautiful. "I love you too," Remus breathed. "I never want you to leave. Stay with me."

"Always, I promise." One second away from Remus would be one second too much. He had the love of his life back and he wasn't going to let him go. "Now," he said, wiping another tear away, "No more crying. This is a happy day."

Remus have him a watery smile which sent Sirius' heart pounding. He nodded and looked a little embarrassed. "You're right," he agreed and took a deep breath. Then his face lifted and his eyes sparkled. "Besides, you've still got a whole lot of facial hair that needs to go."

Sirius chuckled. "So it really can't stay?"

"How am I supposed to kiss you like that?"

Sirius eyes lit up and his heart flipped. Then, he cheekily leaned over, as if to kiss Remus and prove the point that he could.

But Remus placed a hand over Sirius' mouth with an amused look on his face. "Uh-uh-uh. Hair goes first."

Sirius deflated but leant back again. "Fine." Then he gave Remus back the scissors and the razor. "But you do it. After twenty years, I'll probably end up with a hundred tiny cuts."

Remus laughed but agreed to the task.

An amount of time that Sirius thought was far too long later, he ran a hand over his smooth jaw and then through his shorter hair. He had to admit, it felt much better; less like a starving, corpse-like prisoner, and more like his old self.

He turned to Remus, who was leaning forward, washing the tools in the water when a mischievous gleam appeared in his eye. Sirius pulled the man back, somewhat forcefully.

"Whoa—" Remus began in a yelp as his balance was upended.

But he wasn't allowed to say anything else.

Sirius was kissing him.

While Remus paused in shock at the first contact, Sirius pressed forward, almost groaning aloud at the sensation.

Twenty years hadn't been enough to forget what Remus tasted like, but it had certainly been too long to be deprived of it. Memories of their past overwhelmed Sirius, making his heart swell with love and relief and joy; emotions he never thought he'd have again. The feel of Remus' lips and the small breaths he made against Sirius' face were heaven for him.

After a moment, when Remus had recovered enough to kiss back with just as much emotion, Sirius grasped onto the back of Remus' neck and held him close, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss.

After a few more moments, Remus pulled away, breathing a little heavier and flushed all over.

"We should slow down … we're not seventeen anymore."

"So?" Sirius asked, half mad with the sight of Remus's mouth looking kissed and swollen.

Remus smiled down into Sirius' face. "We've also got your godson and his best friend somewhere close-by."

"Let them see," Sirius said carelessly. "I'm sure they know what kissing looks like."

"Yes, but perhaps not two men kissing," Remus pointed out wisely.

Sirius looked put out and let his hands drop from Remus' sides. Remus had always been the smarter of the two, while Sirius was the impulsive pleasure-seeker. It had worked for them. Remus had always been the one to rein Sirius in when he needed to be grounded, and Sirius had been the one to ensure Remus had fun when he needed it. "You're right. You're always bloody right."

Remus smiled and bent back down for a quick kiss that caught Sirius off-guard. "Of course I am," he remarked with a mischievous wink.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius could only smile.

-mp-

The journey back to Gryffindor took all of the next day, and half the following one, particularly because Remus and Sirius were in no rush. They were content to simply be in each other's company once more.

This, of course, only played with Harry's nerves and emotions and not even Ron's presence could distract him from the fact that he missed Draco terribly and wished with all his heart that he could have what Remus was having right now. The look on Remus' face told Harry all that he needed to know about how he was feeling, and it caused jealousy to stir within him like an angry beast.

"Home sweet home," he heard Ron murmur tiredly some time later, swaying wearily with his horse's trots.

How Gryffindor had become home, Harry wasn't sure. But even he had to admit that he felt a fierce loyalty towards what was slowly becoming his kingdom.

"Thanks, Ron," Harry said.

"For what?"

"For coming on this rescue mission with me. Couldn't have done it without you."

"Yeah, yeah," Ron muttered. But Harry could tell from his voice that he was smiling proudly. It made Harry smirk too.

It was almost midday when the guards posted on the make-shift palisade walls they had built a few weeks ago saw them and welcomed them back inside.

Harry thanked them and led his small entourage inside. They headed for the stables and armoury to offload hastily, so as not to alert anyone of their arrival just yet. Harry knew questions would erupt if anyone noticed either Remus or Sirius and he wanted to speak to the Professor first.

"Stay here," he advised the two older men.

They nodded and Harry left Ron to guard the door to the armoury lest anyone should walk in.

Harry quickly made his way to the centre of their camp, where he knew Dumbledore liked to spend his time.

The old man was there, listening in on a nearby conversation, when saw Harry approach. He immediately stood up and gave an amused shake of his head in Harry's direction. "You always found it difficult to sit still," he criticised kindly.

Harry smiled. "I'm sorry I left without saying anything but I had to do something."

"And did you?"

"Come see for yourself," Harry invited, jerking his head in the direction of where he had left the newcomers.

The Professor looked intrigued. "Should I be worried?"

Harry laughed. "Just come on."

He led him to the stables, eager to see the Professor's face when he saw what surprise was waiting for him.

On their way, he heard Ginny call his name.

"Harry?"

He turned and saw her with Hermione. The two of them were looking at him in surprise, as if wondering when he'd arrived. He, at least, looked a little sheepish. "Sorry."

"Where have you been?" Hermione asked.

"Er …" Harry ran a hand through his hair and he cast a quick look at Dumbledore, who looked half-amused, half-curious. "I'll tell you later."

"Where are you going?"

"You can come with me if you like. That way I don't have to explain it a dozen times," Harry reasoned.

The women joined them. Ginny looked at Harry, slightly anguished. "Harry, wait, there's something I need to tell you—"

"Not now, Gin. Later, okay? There's things I need to do first."

If anything, she looked even more distressed, but Harry didn't have the time to placate her. He could tend to her later.

They reached the armoury quickly and Ron, who was still standing where Harry left him, let them inside.

Harry wasn't sure the kinds of reaction to expect from Dumbledore, Remus or Sirius, but he had hoped it would be some form of joy or relief.

What he saw were brief looks of recognition, followed by three blank faces.

Harry frowned and looked at them in shock. Surely, they would be happy to see each other again! "They're back, Professor," Harry pointed out needlessly, gesturing in Remus' and Sirius' direction.

The Professor gave a short smile and Harry could see in his eyes the smallest hint of relief at having them returned safely. "I can see that, Harry. It is good to see them here again."

Harry's frown deepened. He turned to Remus. "Why aren't …? I thought—"

"It's alright, Harry," Remus said kindly. "There are some things … you're not aware of."

"What things?" Harry looked around, confused. Seeing Ron's equally stumped face made him a little better. "I thought it was all out in the open."

"Not quite," Sirius spoke up. He turned to the Professor. "Hello, Albus. It's been a long time."

"It has," the old man agreed.

A look of irritation crossed Sirius' face and Harry could sense he was about to say something. Remus quickly grabbed Sirius' arm and calmed him enough to keep him quiet.

"Albus," Remus spoke up this time. "You knew about Sirius, didn't you? All these years?"

"That he was innocent? Yes."

Remus looked hurt. "You didn't think to tell me? You would have me believe that my own—" he bit back his word "—that Sirius was a murderer?"

"You didn't believe Sirius when he told you, why would you believe me?" the Professor asked.

"That's not an excuse. You could have told me, convinced me. Why didn't you?"

The Professor closed his eyes and sighed deeply. To Harry's eyes, Dumbledore suddenly looked a hundred years older; frail and weak. "Remus, Sirius; I can only ask for your forgiveness. I did what I thought was right. Partially to protect you, Remus, for I did not think Sirius would ever escape Azkaban to continue the life the two of you began. And partially because … there is a much greater truth that was hidden up until very recently; the truth behind Tom Riddle."

Harry heard Sirius growl in anger at the name.

The Professor went on. "I knew Riddle was the murderer. I knew you were innocent. But I thought if I didn't tell people that Riddle committed the crime, I could let the memory of him to die and his legacy too." He sighed once more. "I was wrong, of course. That man is so intent on evil he was never going to stop. But by the time I realised this, more than a decade had passed. By then I simply thought to let the past remain in the past." Dumbledore gave the two men a tired smile. "I truly am sorry, I admit my mistake. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me."

Harry felt a little confused, but he chose not to ask about it. He decided that whatever their problem was, he wouldn't get involved. He himself had too much to deal with already. He had learnt so much about the past in such a short time, Harry almost felt like he was living in it. It was difficult to believe that all this had happened while he was still a baby.

Remus cleared his throat. Harry looked up to see his eyes wet. "It will take time," Remus said softly. "Twenty years is a long time to account for."

Dumbledore nodded solemnly.

"But … I, too, hope we can pass this, Albus."

Sirius remained quiet and Harry could sense he was either too stubborn to contemplate an apology, or still too upset to speak.

Silence settled over the stables, then. Harry felt responsible for it. He felt the uneasy feeling of awkwardness creep upon him.

Eventually, he piped up with, "Well, after that somewhat damp beginning, I do believe some introductions are necessary."

Within minutes, Hermione and Ginny had made Sirius' acquaintance, but Harry knew it wasn't his place to explain to the girls the nature of Sirius' and Remus' relationship, so he kept that secret. If Remus wanted to say it, he would.

After the introduction, Harry foresaw a new problem. "We need to figure out a way to spread the word that Sirius has returned. I fear if we don't explain to the people what's going on, they're all going to want to kill him."

"How do we do that, mate?" Ron inquired.

Harry ran a hand through his hair. "Not sure." He glanced at Dumbledore. "Hopefully the Professor's got some ideas, because I'm completely exhausted. I didn't sleep properly last night and we've been on the run ever since yesterday morning."

Hermione looked reproachful. "You really shouldn't have run off like that, you know. So many people were worried."

"Including me," Ginny piped in. "I wanted to tell you—"

"If I had said anything, no one would have let me go," Harry interrupted.

"True," Hermione conceded. "But think of all these people who are relying on you to stayalive. You're leading an enormous cause. You are so many people's hope. What would have happened if you died?"

Although Harry dearly felt like rolling his eyes, he knew he shouldn't. She was right. "I know, Hermione. But I had to. Besides, we didn't die," he said, with a small smile on his face.

Ron coughed. "Although I did come very close to death," he added solemnly. "At one stage I was fighting twenty Azkaban guards simultaneously. If I wasn't such a brilliant fighter, I might have died."

Harry let out a short laugh while Ginny and Hermione looked at Ron like they didn't believe a word out of his mouth.

"Twenty guards, Ron?" Remus butted in, overhearing their conversation. Harry could tell he was grateful the mood in the room had turned light. "That's funny, I only recall eight. All of which Harry alone dealt with."

Ron went red.

"Give him some credit, Remus," Harry said with a joke-heavy tone, "Ron was the one screaming, 'Harry!Harry!Dosomething!' Really, if it weren't for him, I never would have done anything and we'd still be in there."

Ron glared at him murderously while the rest of the group chuckled in laughter. Hermione was looking at Ron with deep affection, as he blushed pink.

After a moment in which a few more jokes were thrown Ron's way, he felt Ginny tug his arm from behind. He turned and saw she wasn't laughing like the others. Instead she looked concerned.

"Harry, please, can I speak to you?"

"Sure."

"No. Alone."

Harry frowned. "Not now, Ginny. We need to figure out the situation with Sirius before we do anything else."

She looked torn. "I know, but there's something you should know."

"Tell me later, ok?"

"But Harry—"

Harry turned back to the group. "Alright, anyone have any ideas on how we can convince the world that Sirius is innocent?"

In the end, it took the entire afternoon, the combined efforts of them all to gather most of the people together in the town centre, and a few well-delivered speeches from Harry, Remus and the Professor, to thaw the peoples' hearts towards Sirius. Some of the citizens didn't even know about him, but those that did still weren't ready to accept the truth yet—not after twenty years. But at least no one would be openly hostile to him, which was a start.

Much later in the day, Harry was sitting around a campfire with close friends, listening to Remus and Sirius share stories of the past, and laughing along at the memories of his father. No one had ever told him these stories. It was relieving to finally be able to see the kind of man his father really was.

In the middle of Remus' story on his father's many failed attempts to woo his mother, Harry felt someone gently tug his shirt from behind.

It was Ginny again.

"Harry, please, I need to speak with you."

Harry was loathe to miss a second of the story. "Now?"

"Now," she insisted.

He sighed and got up. She hastily led him to their small hut and closed the door behind them.

"Ginny," he began, irritated, "what are you—"

"I'm pregnant."

And suddenly, he forgot everything else. He forgot the part going on outside. He forgot the stories of his father. He forgot Remus and Sirius. Harry felt the world fall out from beneath him. His gut flipped. His blood turned to ice. He stared at her like he didn't know who she was, eyes unblinking and wide.

For a long moment, he didn't even know if he was still awake.

"Harry?"

He couldn't speak. He only looked at her. She looked small and fragile.

His wife.

His pregnant wife.

He knew they had been waiting for it to happen. He shouldn't be surprised. But despite this, Harry suddenly felt sick.

"Say something," she begged, almost frantic.

What was he supposed to say? I'm sorry for doing this to you? I'm sorry for thinking about another man right now? I'm sorry I don't love you?

Harry closed his eyes, torn, conflicted, guilty.

When he opened them again, he saw Ginny had tears in her eyes.

"Are you happy?" he asked, with little emotion in his voice.

She looked hurt. "Yes," she whispered, her eyebrows raised in shocked anger, as if unable to believe Harry would ask her that. She rested one of her hands on her flat stomach. "Yes."

He watched her hand and swallowed. His baby was there. Their baby.

"Aren't you?" she asked, her voice strained, pleading with him.

He wet his lips. "Yes," he answered, only because he knew that's what she wanted to hear.

Was he happy? He didn't know. He didn't know anything. Harry suddenly wanted to leave and run away.

"Who else knows?" he asked.

"Just mother and Hermione."

He nodded distractedly. He looked at her stomach again and tried to see if there were any noticeable changes. He was being stupid, he knew. It was still too early. "How far are you?"

She shrugged. "A bit more than a month?" she guessed, "Based on my last …" she trailed off, but he knew what she meant.

He nodded again, unable to take his eyes off her trunk as if expecting it to suddenly grow abnormally.

To his horror, Ginny began crying. Again, he didn't know what to do. He stood there like a fool, watching his young, pregnant wife cry. Her next words stabbed him.

"This isn't right," she sobbed. "You're supposed to be my husband! I'm p-pregnant with your child and you don't even care!"

Harry felt the bottom of his stomach drop and guilt clenched his heart.

"Every girl can't wait for the day they get to be a mother," she continued, tears flowing, "But this is just … cruel. How could you?"

"Ginny—"

"No, don't say anything." She glared at him with wet, red eyes. "This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life and you've ruined it."

"I'm sorry," he tried.

She shook her head angrily, weeping in despair. "I know you don't love me, but can't you at least pretend?"

Harry looked away. He couldn't watch her. Not when her every word was true and he felt like the lowest human being on earth.

"I'm sorry, Gin," he whispered again. "I … I'm sorry …"

She sat down on their bed and buried head in her hands, sobbing her heart out. "Just go," she begged.

He obeyed, leaving her alone. There was no way he was going to stay.

-mp-

For the second time in three days, Harry stole a horse and left Gryffindor without saying a word to anyone.

He rode like the wind. South. Towards Slytherin.

Towards Draco.

-mp-

Next Chapter: Missed Draco yet?