Sorry for major delay, I was struggling a bit and it was all a bit too close to home for me. Small chapter for you hope it's ok. Any ideas or suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Very rusty at the moment. As usual I own nothing and all mistakes my own.
"So Paige will you tell me why you hurt yourself before?"
I'myd sat on the chair in the quiet room with my head low down.
"Because I was angry and upset... I just cant handle being ill anymore. I just wanted you to let me out so I could finish the job." I manage to sob out. The flood gates opened and I just couldnt stop crying from that point. Tears are streaming down my face and I can barely breathe I feel this goes on for ages. Feels like years, but I eventually I stop shuddering and I'm able to control my breathing. My doctor has already handed me tissues while I was bawling like a baby.
"Thankyou for being honest with us Paige, this is the first time you've really opened up to me. This is a positive step." I feel a bit of the weight that has been drowning me recently lift off my shoulders after my admission and subsequent outpour of emotion.
"I haven't pushed it because I didn't want to cause you more distress than you were already under, but I feel we need to address your new isolation from your loved ones. Can we discuss this?"
Do I want to see my family?
"Part of me doesn't want to see them. I'm embarrassed and ashamed by my actions. Also I didn't want to see them because my mind was set about dying and I didn't want them to distract or dissuade me from my plans. But the other part misses them so much. I never wanted to hurt them but I'm struggling so much. I don't know what to say."
"What do you think to a meeting with your family here, with myself and Shelley in attendance?"
I want to see them but they are going to be so angry and upset.
After a few minutes of deliberation I nod ky head.
"Ok I will set it up for Monday ok, so you can have a few days to prepare. I'm glad you are talking more, please try and continue this with the staff." I nod and say goodbye to the doctor and leave to go to my room with Shellley in tow.
The rest of the week drags along, I stay mainly in my room but I do make an effort to try and at least talk to the staff once a day about how im feeling. Im certainly not cured, but it has lessened my physical feelings of stress somewhat to talk about it. Its now Monday morning and in 2 hours my family will be here. I dont think I could take it if they hate me. I need to know and I do something I haven't done in far too long. I text Scarlet.
Do you hate me?