A/N: Hi guys! I'm sorry I've been so inconsistent with updating this story. =( I'll try to keep on top of it. I really enjoy writing it, but jobs and life sometimes get in the way. And that's no excuse, of course. We all have to make time to do what we love and if we do that long enough, hopefully it becomes a full time thing!

Anyway, I had an idea, which is to post this story on tumblr, and tag it with #spirk and #spacehusbands and all of that good stuff. But in order to do that, I'd like each chapter have an illustration. If any of my readers out there would be interested in illustrating this story, I'd be happy to give credit and link to your own website/tumblr/internet place of your own, and post the illustrations with my chapters on tumblr. I think it would be really fun! =)

Thanks for your patience!

Evyfleur

How many miles had they walked by this time? As the crow flies, maybe an eighth. But to McCoy it felt like his entire lifetime.

He could admit to himself, as a doctor, that he hadn't been keeping in shape since the mission started. But- in his defense- there had been a lot of excitement recently, and not so much downtime for workouts.

In any case he didn't want to spend his entire shore leave catching up on cardio. But once again, Uhura just had to pull a no-regrets (possibly no returns) power trip on him. That woman. He loved her, maybe, but sometimes she was lower than a snake in a wagon wheel rut.

He looked at her. She was ahead of him, of course, twenty feet or so. Or was it twenty inches? She glowed like the sun was a balm to her supple coffee skin. She practically pranced along, like nothing could bring her more joy than being the size of a junebug.

Meanwhile, McCoy, stubble grown in and skin pasty, looked more like a sweaty grubworm. He patted his forehead with his handkerchief again.

Uhura looked back at him with a pitying smile. "You want to take a break for a little while?"

He wouldn't give in to her condescension.

"No. I'd prefer we find someone- someone from the Enterprise, that is- as soon as possible, so we can return to our normal damn selves."

"Get over it already. This is nothing." She spread her arms out and gestured to the massive forest rising above them. "Remember that time when we were telepathic, telekinetic GODS? When our friends were nothing but ants to us? When we actually thought about crushing them? It's our turn. We should balance things out with a humbling experience."

McCoy growled. "They were figurative ants to us. Intellectual ants."

"Figurative, literal, what's the difference? We have the entire universe to explore, and guess what? That's also our primary objective!"

"We're on shore leave, we aren't working right now-"

"You're a doctor. You're always working!"

"Good point. Then exploring isn't my primary objective-"

"You belong to the crew too. It applies to you too and you know what I mean."

"Ah, but you're also forgetting- what's that dang thing called again? Oh yeah, the PRIME DIRECTIVE of non-interference!"

"We haven't interfered anywhere."

"You call eating someone's mushroom not interfering?"

"The mushrooms didn't belong to anyone, they were growing alone in the middle of the forest-"

"Yeah, they spelled out EAT ME by sheer coincidence, or maybe by the grace of God so you could see them!"

"Maybe they did!"

Then, suddenly, there was a deafening yelp of pain coming from the west of them. Back from where they came.

"Well, sounds like someone's interfering," McCoy said, trying to alleviate the terror he suddenly felt.

"Someone's in trouble! Come on, we have to help them!" Uhura tried to grab McCoy's arm, but he pulled away.

"What exactly are you gonna do? Lasso a cricket? Chirp them to death?""

Uhura lowered her voice. McCoy wasn't sure if she was supporting her point or seething in anger.

"They won't see us coming. We have the element of surprise."

"We have the element of getting stepped on."

Uhura stepped away from him with this expression on her face. Was it… disgust? It kinda looked like it.

"What is wrong with me?" She said, shaking her head. Then she turned around and walked westward, towards the sound.

"Had enough?" McCoy yelled after her. For once, he was winning an argument. All common sense dictated he was right anyway. It was hard to get someone without any to see that. But Uhura didn't respond; she just kept walking.

"I'm not following you this time."

She continued to ignore him. Fine. That was fine. If she couldn't get ten out of ten she'd resort to silent treatment to manipulate him. He wouldn't be had again. No ma'am.

He watched until she disappeared through a thick patch of grass. He crossed his arms and frowned. She really wasn't going to come back and yell at him again?

Then he turned around and started walking east. Why? To serve a point. He had no idea what it would accomplish for him when he was this size. He'd have to run into some other crew members eventually. Probably. On an entire Class M planet. But they'd all been concentrated in the same area, so his chances were good.

They'd pick him up, take him back to the ship, hose him down, hopefully, he thought, pulling tiny bits of debris out of his boots. Maybe Marcus and Scotty would put their genius heads together and find a way to get him back to his normal size.

Or maybe it would just wear off, like other magic mushrooms. Maybe they were actually normal sized, and he and Uhura were just having a collective drug trip.

Or maybe he'd be like this forever. Tiny. He supposed there were worse things. He could be dead, for example. But death could be nice, right? Comfortable, uninterrupted sleep. No intrusions or medical emergencies. No idiots. And, no Uhura always getting her claws in him. Then again, no Uhura at all. Not her trilling laugh, her appraising look, or her soft skin, or the way she woke him up in the middle of the night, elbowing him as she tried to find the perfect way to wrap her arms around him.

So, not death. He stopped and turned around, considering… going back. Apologizing for being a dick. But it only took a moment for his stubbornness to overcome his sobering speculation. He broke into a jog, going east as quickly as possible.

From up ahead, there were sounds of fighting- and laughter? He broke through a dense weed at the edge of a clearing, and immediately had to tuck and roll, just out of the way of a black boot.

McCoy looked up, sprawled on his stomach, the surface shuddering beneath him on every impact. There, terrifying giants, were Sulu and (usually) little nineteen year-old Chekov. Both holding sharp pieces of metal… and neither of them noticing him.

They could slice him in two at any moment.

He covered his face, running away from them, tumbling, and finally, smashing into something metal. He fell backwards on the ground and looked up. It was a black, round column. What the-

Before he could figure out what suddenly was giving him a blinding headache, he felt himself leave the ground. Someone had picked him up. McCoy waved his arms wildly, trying to see his captor. Hopefully it was Sulu or Chekov and not Alice.

But what he could see looked more like coral, plucked from the ocean. Rough surfaces of deep blues, grays and blacks. It was impossible that he had been picked up by a rock. Then the rocky hand held him close to his face and his two huge, shining black orbs.

"Keenser! Thank God!"

Keenser gave him a questioning look. Did he know it was McCoy? Did all humans look the same to him? Maybe he was just wondering why McCoy was the size of- well, a grape.

McCoy looked around for Sulu and Chekov- they would recognize him. He tried twisting and turning. And then his eyes caught on something.

It was a reflective surface- liquid. But the liquid had clear words rippling on its surface, like secret glints of sunlight. It said, "DRINK ME."

He wasn't sure if this counted as taking a leaf out of Uhura's book, or as an act of utter desperation, but he kicked his legs with all of his might against Keenser's fingers. With an irritated noise Keenser let go, and McCoy propelled himself in the direction of the liquid.

He plopped into the glass, fully immersed in whiskey, and took a huge gulp of it.

Rapidly the glass shrank around him. It broke. He noticed that Scotty was sitting there too, and Scotty noticed him, too. Sulu and Chekov finally stopped fighting to look at McCoy, drenched, reeking of alcohol, and standing on the wrought iron table.

McCoy gasped for air and coughed up some of the scotch. But it had done its job. He could have felt pretty grumpy that he'd been caught in such an embarrassing situation. Instead, he could stop himself from laughing, uproariously, at the absurdity of the situation. He giggled and sat on the table.

Keenser kept frowning.

"Doctor! Vat happened?" Chekov exclaimed.

Scotty started laughing with McCoy.

"Have I got a story for you boys," McCoy said. He vaguely wondered when Uhura would come running after him so he could bring her back to size too. Though he wouldn't mind keeping her an inch tall for a couple weeks, just so she could get the most out of her self-inflicted "humbling experience."